MetaFilter

"Both Lindley and Titches had suffered beatings for months".

Although 45 years is way harsh, the way this grown woman handled this situation was reprehensible. She allowed her child to be beaten on for months. A mother is not absolved from trying to protect her child, just because she is scared of the father. Infantilizing women and deeming them incapable of doing what needs to be done to protect their child is disgustingly sexist. The child is the one in... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by mysterious_stranger at 1:34 AM on October 3, 2014

What a terrible article from a policy shaping perspective. What percentages of these cases was it then father doing the abusing, or an unrelated boyfriend? Fathers have a legal right to be in a child's presence; boyfriends are there by the mother's (usually) free and revocable choice. Do the laws in question make the ability to protect the child an element of the crime, or inability to do so an affirmative offense? A tiny percentage of child abuse results in failure to protect jail time, and... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by MattD at 4:37 AM on October 3, 2014

There can be more than one victim.

I think we can agree that there are degrees of victimhood; I'd argue that most people would conclude that the murdered child is by any measure the greater victim here.

“I done tried to leave plenty of times,” she testified, but he “actually called and threatened to kill my family.”

Well, unfortunately, she stayed and guess what, he didn't... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by SpecialSpaghettiBowl at 9:11 PM on October 2, 2014

"It only happened 30 times that BuzzFeed knows about" is a completely insane response or justification for this.

If you think I posted any kind of justification you need to re-read my comment. Several times.

It's very easy to come up with examples of very real but rare outrages where the natural well-intentioned response has led to making things worse. The idea that caution... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Justinian at 10:14 PM on October 2, 2014

This is obviously not good but Buzzfeed is being Buzzfeed here and playing it up like this is an epidemic. They identified fewer than 30 cases of this happening in over a decade. That's vanishingly rare and I'm naturally suspicious of "even one case is too many!" outrages because, while that's true, it's usually used to justify pretty crappy responses which do more harm than they prevent.
posted to MetaFilter by Justinian at 8:17 PM on October 2, 2014

No need for a personal attack.

The article states that there had been trouble in the past, which leads me to believe that the violence that occurred on the day the child was murdered was not a one-off. At what point does a person refuse to see the writing on the wall and get their child out of a terrible environment? Adults have choices. Babies don't.
posted to MetaFilter by SpecialSpaghettiBowl at 8:01 PM on October 2, 2014

I'm sorry, but my sympathy goes to the dead child who must have suffered terribly before ultimately being murdered. Children are at the complete and utter mercy of their parents. If the non-abusing parent couldn't put the child's needs first, then who the fuck is going to? The dead child is the real victim here.
posted to MetaFilter by SpecialSpaghettiBowl at 7:47 PM on October 2, 2014

RobotVoodooPower, it could also be that the people leaking these breaches are aware that keeping everything internal has demonstrably done both jack and shit to fix the problem.
posted to MetaFilter by truex at 3:07 PM on October 2, 2014

I'm a therapist.

As I see it, there are several questions embedded within yours, and a lot of people have answered parts of them. I'll give it a shot from my perspective:

1) Did I (melissam) do anything wrong in how I approached this?

Nope. You didn't do a thing wrong. Overhearing a name is not wrong, seeking out the therapist is not wrong, setting up appointments is not wrong, telling the therapist how you got there... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by OmieWise at 5:14 AM on October 2, 2014 marked best answer

" I doubt he meant to make you feel that way, but maybe got caught up in worrying how violated his existing patient might feel...."

I'm not picking on Lyn Never, but yeah - NOPE.

The way he professionally keeps the bad feelings to a minimum was by keeping his professional dilemmas to himself, not by involving other patients.

He broke confidentiality. He basically gossiped.... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jbenben at 10:15 PM on October 1, 2014

This makes no sense to me. First off, my therapist wouldn't even acknowledge that they knew my friend existed, never mind that she was the one who gave me their number, never mind that we passed each other in the waiting room. If I had said I got their name from said friend, I wouldn't have gotten any sign that they were ever a patient.

I don't see that you did anything wrong, from what you have written here.

From getting... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by Dynex at 10:10 PM on October 1, 2014

Eh, what's the big deal? Your co-worker was talking about her therapist IN THE WORKPLACE. I guess it could be an issue if the two of you worked closely together AND discussed work conflicts with the same counselor, but honestly I didn't know this rule extended beyond family. (Obviously I am not a therapist, so I could be missing something here.)

Regardless, it was woefully unprofessional for this guy to get "extremely upset" with you.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by jessca84 at 9:28 PM on October 1, 2014

I may be the lone dissenter, but I think the therapist was in the wrong. I mean, it's not like the co-worker asked you to not see the same therapist. If anything, the therapist should have felt honored that he was being given a positive recommendation, essentially (even though it was indirect and not intentional). It was still anonymous at that point, and the therapist should've said something like "oh, that's good to know. I'm glad the co-worker had a positive experience." Simple as... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by dubious_dude at 9:23 PM on October 1, 2014

Do you people even read beyond the fucking first sentence?
"Musk was laughing because he was joking: he cares a great deal about Earth."

Christ.
posted to MetaFilter by mr_roboto at 4:06 PM on October 1, 2014

I don't think you are in a position to force anyone to refer someone as they/them and I think it would be inappropriate if you start pushing it, especially if the intern is idly sitting by saying it's "no big deal." It doesn't sound like you are the boss in this situation and the intern has already said it's fine, so you and only you will be the one stirring up workplace drama. It's not as if co-workers are dropping the N-word and being asked to stop. They are using a language mechanic... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by AppleTurnover at 10:43 AM on October 1, 2014

"Or am I overstepping as a supervisor?" Yes. If I worked in your office, I would resist changing the way I use pronouns. I consider it an unreasonable request. Treating a co-worker with respect and politeness is one thing; changing the English language is quite another.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by alex1965 at 4:05 AM on October 1, 2014

George Zimmerman, murderer of an African-American minor,

Again, be careful with words. Murder is a legal charge. He was acquitted of murder. He is guilty of homicide, but that wasn't the charge, and doesn't necessarily carry a criminal penalty.
posted to MetaFilter by IndigoJones at 1:53 PM on October 1, 2014

Infamy is fascinating and it's disappointing the Zimmerman clan didn't parlay this into something more disgusting and self-serving. Because people would eat it up like there's no tomorrow. Instead they do stupid things - like this gratis exposé for GQ.

Paula Deen's got this shit nailed down. It's too bad she didn't kill anyone.

Matt Lauer: "So what did you learn this past year?"
Paula Deen: "Oh my gawd, I learned... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by phaedon at 1:00 PM on October 1, 2014

If said personality was white and male, would this conversation even be happening?

Of course, this is a ridiculous question.

For example, in its heyday Guns N' Roses (well, Axl) received tons of criticism for his antics and lateness.

It's kind of bizarre to see people in this thread arguing that because Hill made great albums at one point, her behavior towards people who attend her concerts is beyond reproach.
posted to MetaFilter by Sangermaine at 9:52 PM on September 29, 2014

You could also use a qr code. Then people just point their phones at it and off they go
posted to Ask MetaFilter by colin_l at 7:03 PM on September 29, 2014 marked best answer

As obnoxious as they are, people of King's sort being the face of opposition to Obama's policy on immigration is a calculated ploy by the thoroughly bipartisan coalition of large-scale importers of legal and illegal labor to make sure that as few people as possible engage in critical thought on the subject.

People prone to bigotry get to indulge their bigotry instead of careful evaluation of where and how immigrants can contribute to societal wealth.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by MattD at 4:42 PM on September 29, 2014

I'm not sure either, but from the article it sounds an awful lot like rerolling a roleplaying character until you get all the stats maxed out.

Basically the value of bitcoin is that it produces a trust-free, distributed transaction tracking system.

The 'blockchain' is essentially a gigantic public ledger.

The ledger is essentially a list of account numbers (wallets) and how many coins each holds, and... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by empath at 2:36 PM on September 29, 2014

Are you, by chance, a spotify exec?

Nope. I'm a composer, songwriter and performer. I've toured with various bands for various amounts of money as well as for free. One of the reasons I stopped touring was that I was essentially just selling my time at a heavily discounted rate, and once the ancillary benefits ran out (exposure to new fans, networking, etc.) it was no longer worth my time. If I were given the opportunity to, say, open for Radiohead... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by grumpybear69 at 2:34 PM on September 29, 2014

Funny...last week one of the doctors in my wife's practice lost a large number of "irreplaceable" files from his laptop. Wife and doc call, as I do some of this sort of thing using very expensive hardware and software. I tell him that I'd be more than happy to recover what I can, but it will be expensive due to the time and equipment involved. He gives me some line about "how hard can it be...you do this stuff all the time...". I respond with "yeah...you do ortho... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by kjs3 at 2:27 PM on September 29, 2014

Before this blows up, best to note she's already folded and will be paying her opening acts.

Oh good, she did the right thing when shamed into it, instead of not exploiting people from the start.


Ay cool your jets, there was no implicit moral approval of Dunham in my post. Given this is your op it might be best to not jump back in to the comments to editorialise / give her a further kicking.
posted to MetaFilter by ominous_paws at 2:27 PM on September 29, 2014

for most of history women and children were property, not people.
I don't think I'm wrong in saying that for most of history, men were probably property too. Might you be comparing women's and children's plight against the small minority of the rich and powerful? Looking at India's 'untouchables', they are families rather than just women and children.
posted to MetaFilter by guy72277 at 1:51 AM on September 29, 2014

I'm kind of glad someone else mentioned first that maymay is probably not the ideal spokesman for pretty much anything at all, let alone consent, because he can often seem to hold it together for the length of an essay, but to put it charitably he appears to be worryingly insane.
posted to MetaFilter by FAMOUS MONSTER at 7:08 AM on September 29, 2014

Just today I showed my kids how to get extra leverage by slipping a pipe over the handle of a wrench - just doing my part to raise the next generation of primitive petes. Why didn't I just use a bigger wrench like the video suggested? This was a bolt with a 7/8" head and 15/16" nut and I had already tried a breaker bar and then a 3/4" drive impact wrench ( I believe that this was the first thing it hadn't been able to break loose, ever). I could have used the acetylene torch (gas... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by 445supermag at 9:49 PM on September 28, 2014

Why is the property of retroactivity only given to consent, not to the action as well?

If one side has the right to a “backsie” surely both sides do: “I retroactively withdraw my consent!” “Okay, I retroactively withdraw my action.”
posted to MetaFilter by Quinbus Flestrin at 5:58 PM on September 28, 2014

I don't think any amount of reframing, remodeling, or "transgressing the other" rephrasing linguistic hoops will make palatable the very serious implications of retroactive withdrawal. This isn't something that needs to be polished and resubmitted a week later for an A, it's a series of concepts that have, at their very core, a pampered and unchallenged worldview that demands that the past have happened differently than asked for.

New terminology will not... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by adipocere at 3:21 PM on September 28, 2014

This person needs to be followed by a drone with a flashing neon sign reading "I CANNOT ENTER INTO ANY CONTRACTS OR AGREEMENTS WITHOUT MY LEGAL GUARDIAN AND A NOTARY PUBLIC PRESENT."

And then a smaller drone follows behind it with another sign "NO REALLY LIKE EVEN A CASH TRANSACTION FOR A SNICKERS BAR COULD HAVE DIRE IMPLICATIONS."

The ability to have words come out of your mouth and be taken seriously, even if you might... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by adipocere at 2:56 PM on September 28, 2014

I'm female and I think Hope Solo is a drunken violent asshole. She's had a bad reputation for years.

Having said that I'm not very comfortable with people losing their jobs over criminal allegations or even convictions in most cases as a matter of course (obvs there are exceptions). Private organizations can have any policy they want to about employees who are arrested or convicted but it should be fairly enforced imho.

I am very surprised she... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by fshgrl at 8:18 PM on September 26, 2014

No, Hope Solo Is Not "Like" Ray Rice

Wow, that's some weak shit.
posted to MetaFilter by jpe at 4:23 PM on September 26, 2014

it's ridiculous to pretend the NFL is suddenly more "just" than other leagues

It's kinda ridiculous to pretend that anyone in this thread is making that argument, too.
posted to MetaFilter by yoink at 2:15 PM on September 26, 2014

Obviously Solo's problem is that she spends too much time around her former-NFL-player husband and has learned bad habits from him. See, getting rid of NFL players would even solve domestic violence in women's soccer!
posted to MetaFilter by the agents of KAOS at 2:15 PM on September 26, 2014

>>the one-sided Jim-bashing is over the top
>>
>
> So should we also be blaming Su or maybe is it her young children who are at fault?

I believe the point is that Jim has a story too. He is a full fledged human instead of the one-sided caricature that has been drawn in this thread.

This would be a tidy story if he was unequivocally a villain, but villains seldom are.
posted to MetaFilter by Tell Me No Lies at 1:34 PM on September 26, 2014

It'd be interesting if everyone posted their gender along with their opinions on this.

All right, I'll play this game. I'm male, and I think that Ray Rice, Hope Solo, and any other athlete regardless of gender who is arrested for domestic violence (or any violent crime) should be benched and not allowed to resume play until they're cleared of charges by a court of law. If found guilty, they should be banned for life.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Itaxpica at 2:05 PM on September 26, 2014

If you believe that athlete charged with crimes should not play, then Hope Solo should not play.

If you believe athelets convicted of a crime should play, then Hopo Solo can play.

If you believe that Adrian Petersen should not play, because he has been charged with a domestic violence crime, but that Hope Solo should, because she's only been charged, then you are, in fact, asserting that it's OK to play after being charged -- if you are a white... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by eriko at 1:48 PM on September 26, 2014

No, that is not what Slate is arguing at all.

Sorry, wrong article, I meant The Atlantic. I had both tabs open at once.

'And it also true that what Hope Solo is alleged to have done is violent and wrong. But they are not the same specimen of violent and wrong.'

'There is a reason why we call it the "Violence Against Women Act" and not the "Brawling With Families Act.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Itaxpica at 1:45 PM on September 26, 2014

Wait, is Slate really trying to argue that a grown woman verbally abusing, then beating up a 17 year old relative is somehow not "real" domestic violence because she's a woman and he's not? That's some of the most toxic shit I've heard in a long time.
posted to MetaFilter by Itaxpica at 1:41 PM on September 26, 2014

The prevailing reaction to this article is absurd.

It is heartening that so many people can now recognize the evil in the domestic violence, sexual imbalance of power, crushing debt, and infidelities that Jim Meck inflicted on Su and their marriage. It was not long ago that every culture on Earth would have completely ignored these transgressions.

That said, I agree with jingzuo that the one-sided Jim-bashing is over the top.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by LightStruk at 12:07 PM on September 26, 2014

The guy is good.

It's kind of interesting and somewhat sad, though, that his work is seen today as so amazing and unusual. His sort of hyper-real illustrations used to be a pretty common commercial style. Throughout the 70's and 80's, you could open a Black Book and see pages and pages of similar work by hundreds of artists from around the world. But, those days are long gone and illustrators are a dying breed, really.
posted to MetaFilter by Thorzdad at 5:11 AM on September 26, 2014

I can't tell you for sure, but it is very common for patients undergoing general anesthesia to get a dose of midazolam (Versed), a benzodiazepine that is an amnestic and anxiolytic medication, right before the surgical procedure starts. People love it.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by treehorn+bunny at 12:17 AM on September 24, 2014

I mean, how is Emma Watson a "con artist" or a "scammer" for making this speech? Do you think she is somehow unfairly benefiting from it?

People with a public profile have other people write their speeches, including people in positions of power or disposable celebrities.

They also have all of their articles, columns, and books done by ghostwriters.

They do not write their own... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by Alexandra Kitty at 6:57 PM on September 23, 2014

Is there any way to know if she wrote the speech herself? It was very good, I thought, especially toward the beginning.

The cartoonish overreaction to this statement somehow exceeded all expectations.
posted to MetaFilter by Dark Messiah at 10:33 AM on September 22, 2014

Elsa Maxwell was well-known as a wonderful hostess and also managed to make it a career. The Kardashians aren't trailblazers, nor is "emotional work" strictly a female bailiwick or unpaid.
posted to MetaFilter by Ideefixe at 11:00 AM on September 20, 2014

dump dave's ass pronto. i've had motel phases, truck-dwelling phases, road phases where i hitchhiked and hopped freight trains. nobody i care about thinks the worse of me for these.
posted to Ask MetaFilter by bruce at 11:08 PM on September 18, 2014

I was fortunate (?? blessed?? not finding the right word...) enough to see the Royal Kumari of Kathmandu (the most revered of the 13 in the country), about 1 year ago when I was in Kathmandu for work. The one we saw is the girl in the 2nd and 3rd pictures in the first link.

My wife and I first visited her temple where we waited for her to present herself from a high window that was opened by two ornate shutters. Her caretakers sat on either side of her, and you could... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by allkindsoftime at 4:23 PM on September 17, 2014

This book is free now, assuming values of now greater than 2002.

I used the Kiesler textbook for my Honors Calculus section when I was a freshman. I used the book before it was even the first edition. We received new chapters on Mondays, xeroxes of the galley proofs. Then on the next class, we'd get errata and have to write corrections all over our galleys. We didn't get a printed, bound book until the second semester.... [more]
posted to MetaFilter by charlie don't surf at 6:48 PM on September 17, 2014

I have to disagree with the doom and gloom answers above. 65 hours per week might be more time than what our society has arbitrary defined as a "full time" job, but many, many people work 65 hour weeks (or more). Attitude helps a lot in these situations and approaching this with a, "Of course I can handle this," attitude will help you be more successful and happier.

Now, for the practical stuff:
I strongly second... [more]
posted to Ask MetaFilter by telegraph at 5:52 PM on September 17, 2014