It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.

February 17, 2011 7:52 PM

Nerf gun props. Seven-year-old you just pooped a little. You're welcome.
posted by therewolf (39 comments total)

Okay, I'm confused. What are these supposed to be, exactly? Maybe some context as to why a seven year old would want one of these?
posted by Old'n'Busted at 8:01 PM on February 17, 2011

These are cool.
posted by Artw at 8:01 PM on February 17, 2011

Maybe some context as to why a seven year old would want one of these?

Seven years old like things that are pointless but wicked cool. As do I.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 8:03 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

Nicely done! I'm always trying to paint over the orange tips on my son's Nerf guns, but he makes me leave them alone.

Bonus: Together we made a grenade launcher that shot a plastic film can that would "explode" on impact.
posted by Ron Thanagar at 8:05 PM on February 17, 2011

I found my Nerf gun extraordinarily helpful for shooting at the teevee during the Bush administration. This would have made it extra-awesome, extra-cathartic.
posted by Capt. Renault at 8:07 PM on February 17, 2011 [3 favorites]

I was confused, too, Old'n'Busted. I thought they were going to be squishy soft replicas of real guns. What they appear to be are actual plastic Nerf guns painted to look like real, distressed metal, used in combat guns, instead of the cheap plastic look they come with at the store.
posted by starvingartist at 8:08 PM on February 17, 2011

I guess we shouldn't be playing with these on Old'n'Busted or starivingartist's lawns. C'mon you guys, lets go to my house!
posted by Scoo at 8:13 PM on February 17, 2011 [2 favorites]

Cite?
posted by nathancaswell at 8:16 PM on February 17, 2011

No, it's ok, you can play on my lawn! I just didn't get it at first. I'm cool! I'm hip!

You kids like baseball cards? How about hula hoops?
posted by starvingartist at 8:19 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

You kids like baseball cards? How about hula hoops?

Nice try, grandpa. It's all about snap bracelets and slinkies these days.
posted by Uppity Pigeon #2 at 8:21 PM on February 17, 2011 [5 favorites]

I always wanted to do this with my trusty Nerf Maverick six-shooter, but I never realized that other people had the same desire and actually followed up on it. Thanks!
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:22 PM on February 17, 2011

I read the link, and I first thought that the guy was casting replica props that fired Nerf bullets (which would be interesting), but then it looked like it was just painting the things up and gluing bits on (which is not interesting). If that's all that this is, then what is the context for this? Is this like Nerf version of the guy who modded up the revolving shotgun pistol?
posted by Old'n'Busted at 8:54 PM on February 17, 2011

These look awesome. It's weird - I've never fired a gun, but fake guns and plastic guns just feel RIGHT. I'm half-tempted to pre-order Bulletstorm for the bonus Super Soaker
posted by Lovecraft In Brooklyn at 9:05 PM on February 17, 2011

Nice try, grandpa. It's all about snap bracelets and slinkies these days.

And pogs. Don't forget about pogs.

These look awesome. It's weird - I've never fired a gun, but fake guns and plastic guns just feel RIGHT. I'm half-tempted to pre-order Bulletstorm for the bonus Super Soaker

Yeah, real guns make me intensely uncomfortable, but I love toy guns for some reason.
posted by brundlefly at 9:09 PM on February 17, 2011

I'm always trying to paint over the orange tips on my son's Nerf guns, but he makes me leave them alone.

Lat time I checked, you Yanks had a reason for doing that. Luckily, it seems that the child has a modicum of sense, anyway. I'm confused as to how anyone would think that outfitting kids with realistically lethal-looking toys could possibly end well.
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 9:15 PM on February 17, 2011

You kids like baseball cards? How about hula hoops?

Give 'em the lawn darts, starvingartist.
posted by amyms at 9:19 PM on February 17, 2011

Everyone please stop calling, you keep kicking me off the Internet.
posted by therewolf at 9:23 PM on February 17, 2011

These are freaking awesome!
posted by georg_cantor at 9:53 PM on February 17, 2011

My two boys, at least 2x 7 years old, are all over Nerf guns. They are constantly having "city" battles inside my house while I am the old guy screaming about not in the house, you'll break something or it is all fun and games until someone looses an eye. I hate myself when I say those things, but I cannot stop myself.

Maybe I should have an AskMeFi question about that. -- I was mentally abused as a kid by having my parents yell such cliched phrases as "You'll lose an eye" or "You'll stab yourself with those scissors if you run with them" or "Don't play ball in the house because you will break something and if you break something you will be in trouble and you will regret it." or "Leave you sister alone, she wants nothing to do with nerf gun fights." (I know mom, she is the TARGET.) [More inside] I am repeating the cycle of my parents screaming at my kids to "Stop running with scissors on my lawn or you will fall and fire the nerf gun at your sister who will then poke your eye out." Is this normal? Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can stop? Should I see someone about this or can I eat it afterwards?

Oh, forget the hula hoops, give your kids some pop rocks and fizzies.
posted by AugustWest at 10:19 PM on February 17, 2011 [1 favorite]

What are these supposed to be, exactly?

Dude, it says right in the post that they're time-shifting poop rays. Duh.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:52 PM on February 17, 2011

These are cool, but I wonder if by selling them, is he breaking a law? I mean, there's a reason the Old West six shooters my kid got for Christmas from his Grandpa are bright orange, right?
posted by Brocktoon at 11:04 PM on February 17, 2011

AugustWest, Penny Arcade feels your pain.
posted by Harald74 at 11:46 PM on February 17, 2011

This one also seems appropriate.
posted by the_artificer at 12:02 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

Yeah, real guns make me intensely uncomfortable, but I love toy guns for some reason.

This is why pornography is so popular.
posted by chavenet at 2:04 AM on February 18, 2011 [3 favorites]

When I was a little kid, I had a pop gun rifle that shot little corks. Eventually, when I proved I didn't put anyone's eye out, I got a Daisy Red Ryder BB gun. Yes really.

Apparently I am from a different century.
posted by charlie don't surf at 2:21 AM on February 18, 2011

Seven-year-old you just pooped a little.

Cool link but even when I was seven I didn't shit myself in excitement. Unless I blocked those memories out somehow. I'm also not sure about the word 'poop' appearing on the front page. Called the shit, poop?
posted by IvoShandor at 3:37 AM on February 18, 2011

Bandwidth Exceeded.

Photobucket makes me want to puke in a photobucket.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:17 AM on February 18, 2011

15 out of the 19 pictures are down :(
posted by fermezporte at 4:43 AM on February 18, 2011

I speak from experience here, painting nerf guns is extremely satisfying. The plastic holds acrylic paint pretty well, although I found a spray paint coat first and then acrylic second is a pretty decent combination.

And yes, the final result is largely something that can make 7 year olds look like this (with a lot of help from Photoshop).
posted by jeremias at 5:05 AM on February 18, 2011

AugustWest:
Maybe I should have an AskMeFi question about that. -- I was mentally abused as a kid by having my parents yell such cliched phrases as "You'll lose an eye" or "You'll stab yourself with those scissors if you run with them" or "Don't play ball in the house because you will break something and if you break something you will be in trouble and you will regret it." or "Leave you sister alone, she wants nothing to do with nerf gun fights." (I know mom, she is the TARGET.) [More inside] I am repeating the cycle of my parents screaming at my kids to "Stop running with scissors on my lawn or you will fall and fire the nerf gun at your sister who will then poke your eye out." "

Yeah, yeah, me too! They were all: "Get the hamster out of the toilet." or "Stop shaving the dog." "Do NOT crazy glue your brother to the car bumper!" "Who is that man tied up in the basement?" Fricking emotional abuse, man!

Wanna come over to my place and talk about it? I have Kool-Aid. Down here in the cellar...
posted by Splunge at 5:45 AM on February 18, 2011 [3 favorites]

My son and his friends have been doing this for a few years now. Some of the creations they come up with are pretty cool.... I admit, I helped him take one of his NERF guns apart, install heavier springs found at Home Depot, and paint it in a similiar fashion. The heavier spring allows it to shoot a nerf dart at speeds that will push a kid's eye out through the back of his head at 30 feet.

good times.
posted by bradth27 at 6:26 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

There are others working on the project of realisticafying Nerf guns.

Here's a commercially sponsored effort.

And here's a whole other approach to advanced nerfery.

The Nerf brand stuff goes on sale pretty often. I think I'll bite next time I see one at half price.
posted by not_that_epiphanius at 7:30 AM on February 18, 2011

And "realisticafying" is a real English word, and has been in use for at least four hundred years. Shakespeare used it in A Midsummer Night's Dream...wait...which universe is this?
posted by not_that_epiphanius at 7:36 AM on February 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

That crazy Shakespeare dude used the word "honorificabilitudinitatibus" in Love's Labour's Lost. I wouldn't use him as a good example of word choice since apparently he just outright doesn't care.
posted by longbaugh at 8:08 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

That is a perfectly cromulent word.
posted by Splunge at 8:54 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

When I was a little kid, I had a pop gun rifle that shot little corks. Eventually, when I proved I didn't put anyone's eye out, I got a Daisy Red Ryder BB gun. Yes really.

Huh. My dad just gave me an air rifle and told me to go shoot the crows.
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 9:31 AM on February 18, 2011

When I was 10 my dad gave me an M41-A 10mm pulse rifle with an over-and-under 30mm pump-action grenade launcher.

He did make me promise never to use it around the primary heat exchanger though.
posted by longbaugh at 10:36 AM on February 18, 2011 [3 favorites]

thsmchnekllsfascists: "When I was a little kid, I had a pop gun rifle that shot little corks. Eventually, when I proved I didn't put anyone's eye out, I got a Daisy Red Ryder BB gun. Yes really.

Huh. My dad just gave me an air rifle and told me to go shoot the crows"

Hey, I hate their music too. But isn't shooting them a bit harsh?
posted by Splunge at 10:52 AM on February 18, 2011 [1 favorite]

So, this guy's thing is doing that antique-y bronze thing to plastic guns? Uh... that's nice. I vaguely remember seeing kits back in the seventies where you could make anything look like that, but it's still nice. Not something that would make my inner seven-year-old revert to pre-potty-training days, though, unless a bunch of cops threw down on him for carrying a semi-realistic toy weapon in public. (On the other hand, if you gave my seven-year-old a decent replica of a TOS-era phaser--such things simply didn't exist at the time--he would swear fealty to you and your house unto the end of time.)
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:43 AM on February 18, 2011