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July 15, 2011 5:47 AM   Subscribe

Batman: Delivrance a french video (with subtitles) about the return of Batman from retirement featuring special guest: Wolverine.
posted by blue_beetle (17 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
Yep, it's French all right.
posted by bwg at 5:58 AM on July 15, 2011

SPOILER ALERT: no banjos.
posted by yerfatma at 6:29 AM on July 15, 2011 [1 favorite]

Man, I almost made a lazy joke about Wolverine having to be in everything when I realized that it was a) lazy and b) had Wolverine in it.
posted by Eideteker at 6:37 AM on July 15, 2011 [2 favorites]

wait... d'oh!
posted by Eideteker at 6:37 AM on July 15, 2011

If you're going to have a nerdgasm about Batman versus Wolverine, shouldn't you know enough about the characters not to have embarrassing mistakes? Wolverine doesn't just have unbreakable claws, his entire bone structure is fused with adamantium. It's actually a big part of the character, so much so that people hurting themselves punching him is a recurring schtick.

And Batman headbuts him. And Wolverine is the one who seems dazed. Seriously? Batman's whole thing is being smart. Going one on one with Wolverine doesn't seem like something Batman would do. Drop him into a vat of cement? Have the cement shipped somewhere distant and forgotten about? Sure. You know. With air holes. Since he doesn't kill and all that.

And like that, my nerd rage is vented. I should be good until I accidently see the new Transformers movie.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:53 AM on July 15, 2011 [4 favorites]

On the one hand, it's Bruce Wayne's early-book psychological struggle with his abandoned Batman role in Dark Knight Returns lifted almost word for word, juxtaposed pretty incoherently with a contextless Fight Club showdown with Wolvie, which, what, okay?

On the other hand, basically everything about it is still ten times better than the Batman-hooked-on-heroin-and-anally-violated spree of fan film terribleness that is The Death of Batman, so I'm not complaining. Seriously, it's amazingly terrible, go watch it.
posted by cortex at 7:04 AM on July 15, 2011

posted by Fizz at 7:41 AM on July 15, 2011

Were the "homicides every 45 minutes" being committed by Wolverine? Why were they fighting? I don't understand.
posted by regicide is good for you at 8:18 AM on July 15, 2011

Honestly, I think Wolverine represents Bruce's inability to resynthesize the two halves of his identity. Bruce cannot bear to be Batman and cannot bear not to be; he is paralyzed by the overlapping fears of being a coward and of being a net harm to the world, and cannot find a compromise that removes him from that deadlock.

And so, in the throes of a mental breakdown, he creates Wolverine as an externalization of his desire to be free from his crisis of will and identity. Wolverine as power manifest; Wolverine as a face to look back at him when he can't bear to look himself in the mirror.

Wolverine in a bare pool of light is what Bruce Wayne imagines to convince himself that he's not holding a gun to his own head, that he's not pulling the trigger. Wolvie is the curtain he draws over his hardcore compromise solution, a fig leaf on the ultimate self-contained suicide-by-cop.
posted by cortex at 8:38 AM on July 15, 2011 [3 favorites]

"Yep, it's French all right" is right.

Nice production. But really pretty pointless, IMO.
posted by lodurr at 9:11 AM on July 15, 2011

Dark Claw
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:15 AM on July 15, 2011 [1 favorite]

And Batman headbuts him. And Wolverine is the one who seems dazed. Seriously?

The hardness of your skull doesn't factor in much to feeling dazed after a blow to the head--it's your brain bouncing around inside it. So this fight between a costumed billionaire MMA vigilante and a man with super-fast healing and a skeleton made of indestructible metal is totally realistic.
posted by Hoopo at 11:26 AM on July 15, 2011 [1 favorite]

yeah, wolvie's been "fastball specialed" enough times by now that he should have suffered some pretty serious memory loss.
posted by lodurr at 12:18 PM on July 15, 2011

Hoopo, while that might be true of concussions (and Science!) I'm talking more about the difference between ramming your head into nerf vs ramming your head into concrete. Even Batman punching Wolverine should hurt Batman just as much, if not more, than Wolverine.
posted by Ghidorah at 6:22 PM on July 15, 2011

Even you punching someone bareknuckled in the teeth is going to hurt you pretty bad. Especially if you get cut by their teeth. (If you do, better get yourself some antibiotics....)

anyway, it's not the difference between punching nerf & concrete, it's the difference between punching a skull covered in meat and a skull made of aluminum, covered in meat. If your hands are protected well enough to prevent them getting hurt in the first place, probably not much of a difference. And given the punishment Batman's used to after all these years, I'd say Wolvie still gets the worse end of the deal, at least until the bruises heal.
posted by lodurr at 4:43 AM on July 16, 2011

If we're going to decline to run with the Wolvie-as-metaphorical-outcropping-of-Batman's-mental-illness framework, then it's time we have the talk about how Batman—Batman, for christ's sake—would be familiar with Wolverine's unusual endoskeletal retrofit and would, I dunno, wear a special cowl and gloves and adapt his force vectors accordingly. What better to throw off balance an opponent who expects to come out on the upside of every headbutt than to put him out the downside of it for once?
posted by cortex at 9:13 AM on July 16, 2011 [1 favorite]

c'mon, cortex, of course he wouldn't know jack about all that. This is crossover. Batman is always puzzled by the crossovers. When he meets the Hulk, he tries to fight him in hand to hand combat and has to figure out the "angrier = stronger" thing on his own. If I remember correctly he had to do the same thing when he met Spiderman, and Spidey had to figure Batman out as well.

turn the tables: wolverine would smell that batman wasn't afraid, he'd recognize in him the martial attitude of a samurai or some silly shit like that. that is, if it's really wolverine and not an externalization....
posted by lodurr at 5:41 AM on July 18, 2011

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