October 5, 2001 7:14 AM   Subscribe

Cyberdildonics describes a technology which permits someone to remotely control a dildo over the internet. Reach out and touch someone! (I bet they're working on that next.)
posted by Steven Den Beste (19 comments total)

Be off with you; we have enough trouble controlling our own.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 7:20 AM on October 5, 2001

An interesting article to read first thing in the morning. I don't have to work today, so I slept late and opened MetaFilter and this was first up. I don't think I will download the software today. I have to think about this one. As for reach out and touch someone, I am sure someone some where has a concept idea in progress.
posted by bjgeiger at 7:22 AM on October 5, 2001

They better have good security - can you imagine the consequences if the IP address of your dildo gets hacked?

To quote the medical examiner: "Subject expired with a smile on his/her face. And some unusual friction burns."
posted by ebarker at 7:41 AM on October 5, 2001

Next up: The Full Body Pleasure Suit (tm).

Heat and massage built-in, nipple clamps, snap-in implements in the appropriate areas, IP on board, ready to be remotely controlled.

Oh, and breathable fabric (when I first had this idea some years ago, I thought "wet suit" but decided against it). And easy cleanup.

To quote "The Lazy Entrepreneur: All Talk, No Funding."

Why do I have the sudden urge to go rent "Sleeper?" I'll bet "Orgasmatron" is trademarked.
posted by ebarker at 7:46 AM on October 5, 2001

The hell with weird peripherals -- I want a little tiara of electrodes to jack into cyberspace a la the novels and short stories of William Gibson. Talk aboutchyer next-best thing to being there...
posted by alumshubby at 7:55 AM on October 5, 2001

Stay in touch with yourself--Ned Ludd. Eschew technology. God gave you fingers and fists. Use them.
posted by Postroad at 7:57 AM on October 5, 2001

I saw this on Showtime last month. The premise was that a girl (Mena Suvari), tired of her porn-king father's double standards, decided to contract her virginity out to her dad's competition. She would give up her virginity live on the Internet, and thousands of men across the country who coughed up the cash for a net-connected full-body suit would engage in deflowering her vicariously from the comfort of their own homes.
posted by at 7:59 AM on October 5, 2001

Is this anything like FuckU-FuckMe, the ultimate remote sex solution? Check out the Genital Drive model M and the Genital Drive model F. Oh, and let's not forget the FAQ, with illustrations showing how to use the drives.
posted by dogmatic at 8:33 AM on October 5, 2001

refer to my labia auction post.
posted by lotsofno at 9:14 AM on October 5, 2001

ebarker - your posts are some of the funniest shit I've read in a while. I 'bout spit coffee all over my keyboard...
posted by thekorruptor at 9:15 AM on October 5, 2001

haven't you heard about the soundwaves shaped like a penis? they can be broadcast from computers by lascivious internet perverts. aparently.
from the man who said:

'Institutionalized cruelty is one thing, but the twisted brain-wrong of a one-off man mental is quite another.'
posted by asok at 10:38 AM on October 5, 2001

Stupid web trivia: Webpower, the Florida-based company that owns SafeSexPlus, is the same company that funded online magazine (Al Hadhazy, owner of Webpower, pulled their funding in December of 1999.)
posted by waxpancake at 10:59 AM on October 5, 2001

Haven't you seen any of the holodeck-goes-awry episodes?
posted by chrismc at 11:32 AM on October 5, 2001

i'm waiting for an experimental Holodeck episode in the new series where everything freezes and turns into the blue screen of death.

anyway...this would be a good match with the force-feedback mouse and other tactile interface tech...Maybe a adaptor for Playstation could be in the works? Endless possibilities.
posted by th3ph17 at 11:48 AM on October 5, 2001

actually, the Orgasmatron is trademarked, although it's probably not what you think.
posted by modge at 12:24 PM on October 5, 2001

Interestingly, I've seen Austrailia's "Orgasmatron" for sale in the US as "The Tingler."
posted by arielmeadow at 2:03 PM on October 5, 2001

It's not cyberdildonics though.. It's teledildonics, isn't it?
posted by davros42 at 6:44 PM on October 5, 2001

posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:17 AM on October 6, 2001

FUFME: Okay, that's pretty priceless...

Notice on the FAQ page that there is apparently a larger, tower-size unit. Can you imagine someone walking into your office while you're "communicating"??

Presently FuckU-FuckMe only works with Windows 95, Windows 98 and Windows NT.

Makes sense since Windows has increasingly been specially developed to fuck the consumer.

FuckU-FuckMe's optimizes performance by continually adjusting the rate of transmission for a given set of conditions.

Oh man, and you thought that "Buffering...Net congestion" was annoying when you're checking out porn!

Q: Why do I always get "Host Not Found" whenever I try to connect?

I hate when that happens. Especially around 2am when leaving a bar...
posted by fooljay at 5:03 PM on October 6, 2001

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