It's all about the pre-blowjob trash talk.
November 22, 2013 5:13 AM   Subscribe

Orgasm Wars is a Japanese game show in which a gay man tries to force a straight man to orgasm. (Link is to Huffpo Article, and relatively sfw. Video within the link, not so much.) posted by emperor.seamus (85 comments total) 23 users marked this as a favorite


 
Between this and Kotaku's Japan stories on my FB feed, I just don't even know about Japan anymore. I just shake my head and mumble "WTF Japan?"

YES I KNOW THE WHOLE COUNTRY ISN'T LIKE THAT!
posted by kuanes at 5:23 AM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


*stares at screen slack-jawed*

WHAT
posted by kinnakeet at 5:36 AM on November 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


Aha. Strictly Cum Dancing.
posted by Devonian at 5:50 AM on November 22, 2013 [29 favorites]


I love this so much.
posted by agregoli at 5:51 AM on November 22, 2013


In Orgasm Wars, the manager throughout the match reminds his straight porn star that he cannot come from a man (the stigmatization of homosexuality is a whole other ball of wax), and at the end there is a formal acknowledgment of defeat. And lots of paper towels.

I just
posted by billiebee at 5:52 AM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Obviously there's consent here to put on a show, and what an awesome show it is. "It begins with an exchange of business cards."

Indeed.
posted by odinsdream at 5:52 AM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


"orgasm wars" is a porn parody called "hoko x tate" and they're parodying a real game show called "poko x tate" (i might have that backwards). it does technically air on late night tv - but it's a satellite station like playboy or spice channels, which is to say, porn.

i don't think this show anything about japan, i think once again this shows a lot about how eager us westerners are to believe outrageous stories about japan.
posted by nadawi at 5:54 AM on November 22, 2013 [80 favorites]


MetaFilter: It begins with an exchange of business cards.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:57 AM on November 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


here is the show it is a parody of and here is a reddit conversation about it.
posted by nadawi at 5:59 AM on November 22, 2013


Personally I enjoy believing outrageous stories about the US.
posted by flabdablet at 6:09 AM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


FATALITY
posted by jquinby at 6:15 AM on November 22, 2013 [8 favorites]


"I can't believe there's an interest in gay dudes making straight-proclaimed dudes cum", says a person who has never seen one moment of American gay pornography.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 6:17 AM on November 22, 2013 [79 favorites]


"I can't believe there's an interest in gay dudes making straight-proclaimed dudes cum", says a person who has never seen one moment of American gay pornography.

whenever I wear white briefs i refer to them as "the underwear from those videos where straight guys get tricked into things"
posted by Greg Nog at 6:18 AM on November 22, 2013 [75 favorites]


Hoko x Tate is the real show. It's fun, but I always forget to watch it. Did manage to catch an episode where the competition was monkeys vs. remote control cars (can the monkeys chase down and capture these super fast little cars?!), and another where they found a group of (Kintetsu) train otaku and set them against a group of Kintetsu train workers to see who knew more about Kintetsu trains.
posted by emmling at 6:19 AM on November 22, 2013 [10 favorites]


the underwear from those videos where straight guys get tricked into things

hey, you're not the regular cabana boy!
posted by elizardbits at 6:23 AM on November 22, 2013 [14 favorites]


FATALITY

Wouldn't FRIENDSHIP be more appropriate here?
posted by C'est la D.C. at 6:23 AM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


It's like watchin' the moonwalk, you know? At first it seems all crazy and wrong, but then It's like, "at least SOMEBODY'S havin' fun!"

I'm glad that someone came in to debunk all of the typical "OMG JAPAN WTF" sentiment.
posted by codacorolla at 6:23 AM on November 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


whompa chika whompa chika woo woo woo
posted by elizardbits at 6:24 AM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


FINISH HIM
posted by jquinby at 6:26 AM on November 22, 2013 [60 favorites]


COME HERE
posted by Artw at 6:28 AM on November 22, 2013 [13 favorites]


FRIENDSHIP

(on preview, C'est La DC beat me to it. HUMILIATION.)
posted by Strange Interlude at 6:30 AM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Does the manager get a piece of the action?
posted by JohnnyGunn at 6:32 AM on November 22, 2013


Personally I enjoy believing outrageous stories about the US.

The "after episode" of that series is so deliciously disturbing, much like the original post here!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 6:33 AM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Are there other episodes? I've only read about this one featuring straight porn star Ryou Sawai and his "opponent" Takuya.
posted by Auden at 6:33 AM on November 22, 2013


Somewhere in Japan right now, people are discussing a video they've seen...

"Dude. Ladies in America order pizza delivery, but then when the pizza guy arrives, they have sex with him!"
"Seriously? WTF America!?"
posted by Daily Alice at 6:37 AM on November 22, 2013 [34 favorites]


It's why we order them with extra meat.
posted by Kitteh at 6:39 AM on November 22, 2013 [8 favorites]


LEVEL UP
posted by The Whelk at 6:40 AM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


Does the manager get a piece of the action?

10%, same as in town.
posted by Ham Snadwich at 6:43 AM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


tbh, as far as japanese porn game shows goes, this is pretty mild.
posted by empath at 6:44 AM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


Mosey on over to bing and search for 'japanese game show' with safe search off and scroll past the youtube videos. This will be extremely not safe for work.
posted by empath at 6:52 AM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


Somewhere in Japan right now, people are discussing a video they've seen...

"Dude. Ladies in America order pizza delivery, but then when the pizza guy arrives, they have sex with him!"
"Seriously? WTF America!?"


"And have you seen the one with a so-called plumber? He doesn't even fix anything!"
posted by filthy light thief at 6:59 AM on November 22, 2013 [7 favorites]


"You can imagine where it goes from here."

"He fixes the cable?"

"Don't be fatuous, Daisuke."
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:02 AM on November 22, 2013 [51 favorites]


"Something sounds terribly wrong about that young man. He should go see a doctor."

"You're really going to want to sit down for this."
posted by jquinby at 7:04 AM on November 22, 2013


"If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear?"
posted by The Whelk at 7:12 AM on November 22, 2013 [17 favorites]


Greg Nog: whenever I wear white briefs i refer to them as "the underwear from those videos where straight guys get tricked into things"

From my vantage point in this truck stop bathroom, I can't see how anyone could get fooled by that.

This dude in the next stall keeps tapping my foot. I'm gonna go see what he wants. BRB
posted by dr_dank at 7:15 AM on November 22, 2013 [10 favorites]


another where they found a group of (Kintetsu) train otaku and set them against a group of Kintetsu train workers to see who knew more about Kintetsu trains.

I thought that the show described in the post was the best show, but the actual show being parodied sounds like the best show.

God when I win the lottery I promise to fund a show which is nothing but hobbyists and Internet blowhards pitted against accredited members of a profession. It would be magical.

First episode would be those maritime flag sovereign citizen wackadoodles against tax attorneys.
posted by winna at 7:19 AM on November 22, 2013 [26 favorites]


"That pool boy is not helping himself in the filter-cleaning department."
posted by PlusDistance at 7:34 AM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: nothing but hobbyists and Internet blowhards pitted against accredited members of a profession
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 7:34 AM on November 22, 2013 [32 favorites]


"Dude. Ladies in America order pizza delivery, but then when the pizza guy arrives, they have sex with him!"
"Seriously? WTF America!?"


Ok, this probably is TMI about my personal watching history:

American porn's treatment of male bisexuality generally stinks. While women are usually shown as being willing to swing both ways at the drop of a hat for a magical scene of mind-opening exploration, men are often cuckolded into it, or enticed via gay-for-pay or gay-for-straight-sex. Once the action gets rolling, the dialogue often sounds like Houseplants of Gor (warning: satire of D/S sexuality).

There's also het pretend noncon, dubcon, orgasm control, and reluctance films, not just in the BDSM fetish section either.

For a porn company to wrap a flimsy game-show frame around their reluctant bisexual narrative just strikes me as business as usual.
posted by CBrachyrhynchos at 7:50 AM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


American porn's treatment of male bisexuality generally stinks.
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 7:54 AM on November 22, 2013 [10 favorites]


I guess I shouldn't have been surprised since "porn parody" usually means "unsexiness comin' atcha!" but OH MY GOD THOSE SOUND EFFECTS MAKE THEM STOOOOOP

Also, was Takuya wearing a bra?
posted by psoas at 7:56 AM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Jeez, I almost believed that.

Incidentally, I'm starting to wonder whether there really even is such a place as "Japan."
posted by Fists O'Fury at 7:58 AM on November 22, 2013


Needs moar tentacles.
posted by T.D. Strange at 8:05 AM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


I...hm...*cough*...my, er, my pants didn't feel so tight this morning, I, uh, hm...
posted by Mooseli at 8:24 AM on November 22, 2013


We have a wiener!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 8:29 AM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


The trash talk is wonderful.

So, is this the equivalent of, like, public access cable shows over there? Where is this in the media hierarchy?
posted by rmd1023 at 8:38 AM on November 22, 2013


Oh wow, I can't believe this made it from Japan. My wife got all her friends to watch this and was trying to get me to watch it for a month and I wouldn't and then I finally did and was like, omg that's hilarious. My wife was like "he is so cute, and wtf is that sound he makes?" (he talks about his special throat tightening technique, I assume it's that). psoas, that is in fact a bra he is wearing, and when asked about it he just nods about it and nonchalantly goes back to his business.

Here's the original, sorry no subs, but you can probably get the gist of it anyways. There is a lot of other stuff that leads up to the showdown at the end, like the camera crew walking around asking if people know of the guy who is famously awesome at giving head, and getting a prostitute to give the straight porn star head so he could test his resolve or something.

I guess it seems pretty insane but people here find it pretty insane too. And yeah I think this is a show that is on pretty late at night, I don't know much about it though...but it's definitely not like everyone in Japan knows about this, it's definitely making the rounds here with people being totally "WTF!?"

Regarding homophobia, I gotta say I think Japanese people may be less tolerant in some kind of larger societal way regarding gay marriage being legalized and whatnot, but there is not the level of virulent hatred of non-straight folks here compared to the states. There are tons of transgender folks on TV for example, like Matsuko Deluxe, my favorite. In some ways it is much more tolerant here. Granted, I'm not gay so I can't really comment on it past that...I could be wrong about the day-to-day experience of LGBT folks. But, I can definitely tell that there is not the level of hatred that we have in the U.S. embedded in pop culture here, at the very least.

P.S. that article from theweek.com is fucking stupid as hell
posted by dubitable at 8:43 AM on November 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


another where they found a group of (Kintetsu) train otaku and set them against a group of Kintetsu train workers to see who knew more about Kintetsu trains.

I must see this program
posted by KokuRyu at 8:43 AM on November 22, 2013 [7 favorites]


I saw a screencap with subtitle of this on Morgan Murphy's Instagram a few days ago and thought that the 'Can [contestant] make [other contestant] come?!' was just the result of a mangled interpretation. Now... wow.
posted by Flashman at 8:48 AM on November 22, 2013


I feel like whenever I see articles about silly/crazy Japan the people writing them don't ever go and talk to the Japanese about it, they just find some American with a passing knowledge and interview them instead.

Arthur Smith, an executive producer of ABC's former I Survived a Japanese Game Show, tells the Associated Press, "Their games are all about saving face. When you don't do good, you've harmed your family — you don't look good in your family's eyes."

Okay, is it really still that old honor society deal, or is this guy just full of shit? Why can't the reporter talk to a TV exec in Japan or maybe even more than one and ask them and get a real answer?
posted by gucci mane at 8:51 AM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


FATALITY

LA PETITE MORT
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 8:53 AM on November 22, 2013 [3 favorites]


Oh my god you guys, the BGM at 2:50 or so is from Evangelion.
posted by Sokka shot first at 8:55 AM on November 22, 2013 [7 favorites]


has 40 minutes to finish the job

"I can do it in ten, Bob."

I love the idea of this, and I, too, wish it were real.
posted by MoxieProxy at 9:04 AM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


Oh, nadawi already gave a good explanation of the show...sorry nadawi!
posted by dubitable at 9:06 AM on November 22, 2013


Sokka shot first is totally right, that's the music Evangelion uses during the epic battles.
posted by NoRelationToLea at 9:09 AM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: YO HO BLOW THE MAN DOWN
posted by jquinby at 9:19 AM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


That box he's standing in is delightful. It looks like it used to hold your Grandmother's hat for Ascot.
posted by arcticseal at 9:23 AM on November 22, 2013


I think we've found the next Super Bowl Halftime Show.
posted by polluxopera at 9:37 AM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Okay, is it really still that old honor society deal, or is this guy just full of shit?

The guy is full of shit. First of all, "game shows" with non-talent participants are very, very rare. Instead, 99% of prime-time television (and this show, as others have pointed out, is a niche satellite or cable channel, and so is an outlier) feature "television talents".

This "talents" are shopped out by agencies for various programs. Most of the prime time programs are basically variety shows that feature a famous host making "witty" remarks with the "talents". That's it. Incredibly boring, and incredibly cruel in many cases. Idiotic banter.

So, Japanese TV is not about saving face, it's about having artificial "friends"... an artificial "nakama" or group.

American TV is sort of like this - Seinfeld and Friends and other shows try to create an artifice of a social group.

But game shows in Japan almost never feature people off the street, and feature these "talents" instead.
posted by KokuRyu at 9:39 AM on November 22, 2013 [5 favorites]


I'd like to see this reenacted with Zach Galifianakis and Matt Damon.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 9:41 AM on November 22, 2013 [7 favorites]


"This dude in the next stall keeps tapping my foot. I'm gonna go see what he wants. BRB"

How I could tell that our office is REALLY in West Hollywood: All of the graffiti in our bathroom has been painted over except a little note at the bottom of the stall that says, "Tap foot and show hand for BJ."
posted by klangklangston at 9:59 AM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


I just realized that I have watched Hoko x Tate (I'm really bad with pop culture anything). It's on on Sunday nights. Easily our favourite program to watch as a family. Here's a show on Daily Motion.

There seems to be a bunch of Hoko x Tate content floating around on Google, and for full shows it may be worth checking out Youku, searching for "ほこ×たて".
posted by KokuRyu at 10:16 AM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


I'm half expecting a memo from the IETF about not putting a lesbian version of this online lest several backbone switches catch fire.
posted by BrotherCaine at 11:41 AM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


BrotherCaine, as in burning bushes?
posted by jadepearl at 11:55 AM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


I meant Internet traffic, but excellent double entendre with a side order of biblical allusion.
posted by BrotherCaine at 12:15 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Sokka shot first: "Oh my god you guys, the BGM at 2:50 or so is from Evangelion."

From now on, I'm just going to regard this video as the new ending to Evangelion. It makes at least as much sense as any of the others...
posted by Strange Interlude at 12:15 PM on November 22, 2013 [6 favorites]


"orgasm wars" is a porn parody called "hoko x tate" and they're parodying a real game show called "poko x tate"'

Soft and hardcore tates, if you will.
posted by pullayup at 1:00 PM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


What's tates?
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 1:03 PM on November 22, 2013


Strange Interlude, Japanese TV has very, very relaxed attitudes toward reappropriated sound effects and music.

I've actually watched a few episodes of the non-porn-parody version of Hoko x Tate. Buddy of mine was on it twice for the One Piece fans vs. continuity editors episode (spoiler: editors won the first episode and fans won the rematch). Fun show, and yeah, they REALLY like that Dramatic Preparations music from Evangelion.
posted by DoctorFedora at 1:35 PM on November 22, 2013


Oh man, any day when I get to re-read Houseplants Of Gor is a good day in my book.
posted by Now there are two. There are two _______. at 1:57 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


Japanese TV has very, very relaxed attitudes toward reappropriated sound effects and music.

Also you could rent music CDs from the video store but not games, and people seemed to have no issue dubbing them from what I could tell
posted by Hoopo at 2:15 PM on November 22, 2013


Also regarding WTF JAPAN, yeah there's some shit there that would seem legitimately weird here but I think too often people don't realize that a lot of it is entertainment that's supposed to be wacky and weird. I mean do Letterman and Conan not have weird random stuff that makes no sense for laughs? Craig Ferguson had a robot mohawk skull sidekick for a bit. It's no different; funny silly crazy jokes.
posted by Hoopo at 2:25 PM on November 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


(Dear person from The Week: this particular video doesn't really say anything about Japan's sexual culture.)

The Shonen Jump-style battle dialogue really made me laugh. Also, "gochisousamadeshita".
posted by betweenthebars at 2:38 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


guys my friend showed me this show from America and long story short you would not BELIEVE how they let you pay for delivery food in America if you don't have any money on you when the delivery guy arrives
posted by DoctorFedora at 2:38 PM on November 22, 2013 [4 favorites]


"gochisousamadeshita".

Ok I'm at work right now so I am not watching but did he say this after the guy has had an orgasm? Cuz wow
posted by Hoopo at 3:09 PM on November 22, 2013 [2 favorites]


I knew the best way to figure out how I felt about this would be to post it here and read all of your comments.

Also, even if this was real, I don't know how anyone can think that Japanese game shows are especially weird compared to western ones when the US has fucking Repo Games.
posted by emperor.seamus at 3:21 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


The confluence of images was interesting. The replay of certain, pivotal moments and the modesty screen reminded me of American football with all its replays and referees' replay camera booths.

In any case, the concept of first person to orgasm loses a battle/confrontation or as a sign of submission is a common trope in certain hentai plots.

I am now going to cleanse my mind by playing the Dr. Who Google doodle of the day.
posted by jadepearl at 6:23 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


HEADSHOT!!!
posted by sweet mister at 6:30 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


This "talents" are shopped out by agencies for various programs. Most of the prime time programs are basically variety shows that feature a famous host making "witty" remarks with the "talents". That's it. Incredibly boring, and incredibly cruel in many cases. Idiotic banter.

Indeed. Japanese tv is so incredibly banal. Also, it must be astonishingly cheap to produce - 90% of them use the same sets and people.
posted by smoke at 6:37 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


I was just about to shake my head, shrug, and go on with my life when I saw this comment:

We have a wiener!

It was so damn tacky I had to favorite it.
posted by BlueHorse at 6:38 PM on November 22, 2013 [1 favorite]


That box he's standing in is delightful. It looks like it used to hold your Grandmother's hat for Ascot.

More like a voting booth, I think. Yank that crank!!!!
posted by Dip Flash at 9:23 PM on November 22, 2013


Oh my goodness he did say it too. That was a pretty good comedy routine, it sounded like a ramen shop
posted by Hoopo at 10:18 PM on November 22, 2013


In any case, the concept of first person to orgasm loses a battle/confrontation or as a sign of submission is a common trope in certain hentai plots.


Doesn't kink.com also have a series or two with that plot?
posted by Canageek at 4:51 PM on November 23, 2013


In any case, the concept of first person to orgasm loses a battle/confrontation or as a sign of submission is a common trope in certain hentai plots.

Ladies, it's not anorgasmia, it's a competitive advantage!
posted by Elysum at 5:33 PM on November 24, 2013


dr_dank: "Greg Nog: whenever I wear white briefs i refer to them as "the underwear from those videos where straight guys get tricked into things"

From my vantage point in this truck stop bathroom, I can't see how anyone could get fooled by that.

This dude in the next stall keeps tapping my foot. I'm gonna go see what he wants. BRB
"

Ask him if he'd consider changing his position on the gay marriage vote for a beej.
posted by IAmBroom at 1:14 PM on November 25, 2013


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