On Engastration
April 5, 2014 1:43 PM Subscribe
It's birds all the way down.
posted by bad grammar at 1:52 PM on April 5, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by bad grammar at 1:52 PM on April 5, 2014 [5 favorites]
All you eat is the caper.
posted by Jode at 1:57 PM on April 5, 2014 [17 favorites]
posted by Jode at 1:57 PM on April 5, 2014 [17 favorites]
...and then you deep fry the whole thing in peanut oil. It is consumed hot while jumping into a live volcano. As you fall, a bespoke composition performed live by Sigur Ros accompanies your conflagration. Contact your Platinum Concierge to arrange for a personal interview.
posted by jquinby at 1:59 PM on April 5, 2014 [34 favorites]
posted by jquinby at 1:59 PM on April 5, 2014 [34 favorites]
Don't be silly. It's boiled whole in the Blood of the Workers.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:01 PM on April 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:01 PM on April 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
...and then you stuff it all in a Boeing 747!
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:02 PM on April 5, 2014
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:02 PM on April 5, 2014
"....killed by drowning in Armagnac."
Anyhoo, the recipe needs hummingbirds.
posted by bouvin at 2:03 PM on April 5, 2014
Anyhoo, the recipe needs hummingbirds.
posted by bouvin at 2:03 PM on April 5, 2014
I saw a TV show once where a guy actually did this as part of some extreme marriage proposal. It took like three days.
Because to do it safely, you have to roast in stages, then stuff cooked roast inside larger bird and then roast that to safe temperature, etc.
I suppose the whole thing could be done sous-vide but that would take like a week.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:05 PM on April 5, 2014 [4 favorites]
Because to do it safely, you have to roast in stages, then stuff cooked roast inside larger bird and then roast that to safe temperature, etc.
I suppose the whole thing could be done sous-vide but that would take like a week.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:05 PM on April 5, 2014 [4 favorites]
When it's all done, you kill and eat the Chef. Then you become the Chef. You hold the office as long as you remain undefeated.
posted by jquinby at 2:05 PM on April 5, 2014 [29 favorites]
posted by jquinby at 2:05 PM on April 5, 2014 [29 favorites]
Needs ketchup.
posted by kafziel at 2:06 PM on April 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by kafziel at 2:06 PM on April 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
We need to go deeper.
posted by Foosnark at 2:06 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by Foosnark at 2:06 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
Birdception?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:07 PM on April 5, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 2:07 PM on April 5, 2014 [5 favorites]
Yo dawg, I heard you like turducken.
posted by radwolf76 at 2:12 PM on April 5, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by radwolf76 at 2:12 PM on April 5, 2014 [6 favorites]
The last time I had one of these it was ruined by a crying baby in the restaurant.
posted by Wolfdog at 2:16 PM on April 5, 2014 [35 favorites]
posted by Wolfdog at 2:16 PM on April 5, 2014 [35 favorites]
I assume it would be traditionally served on a bump on a log in the hole at the bottom of the sea?
posted by chambers at 2:26 PM on April 5, 2014 [8 favorites]
posted by chambers at 2:26 PM on April 5, 2014 [8 favorites]
The last time I had one of these it was ruined by a crying baby in the restaurant.
Should've stuffed it inside a toddler.
posted by The Whelk at 2:26 PM on April 5, 2014 [8 favorites]
Should've stuffed it inside a toddler.
posted by The Whelk at 2:26 PM on April 5, 2014 [8 favorites]
Is there a vegetarian version of this dish?
posted by el io at 2:44 PM on April 5, 2014 [8 favorites]
posted by el io at 2:44 PM on April 5, 2014 [8 favorites]
Stuff that into a goose & swan &emu & ostrich already.
posted by BrotherCaine at 2:46 PM on April 5, 2014
posted by BrotherCaine at 2:46 PM on April 5, 2014
Should've stuffed it inside a toddler.
I kept looking for the Hannibal tie-in.
posted by localroger at 3:03 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
I kept looking for the Hannibal tie-in.
posted by localroger at 3:03 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
I read "bustard" as "bastard" and I was thinking, "man, that's intense."
posted by A Bad Catholic at 3:04 PM on April 5, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by A Bad Catholic at 3:04 PM on April 5, 2014 [6 favorites]
Is there a vegetarian version of this dish?
You could probably start with small vegetables and work your way up to various squashes, but the point of this dish is that there are convenient cavities to fit the next bird into. Not many vegetables have such convenient cavities, so a lot of carving would be required. Plus vegetables vary in their cooking time from species to species rather more than birds do (in the sense that there's a good rule of thumb for cooking any bird; there's no such rule of thumb for vegetables due to wildly varying densities and water content).
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 3:17 PM on April 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
You could probably start with small vegetables and work your way up to various squashes, but the point of this dish is that there are convenient cavities to fit the next bird into. Not many vegetables have such convenient cavities, so a lot of carving would be required. Plus vegetables vary in their cooking time from species to species rather more than birds do (in the sense that there's a good rule of thumb for cooking any bird; there's no such rule of thumb for vegetables due to wildly varying densities and water content).
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 3:17 PM on April 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
Fit for the table of Louis XVI-- and let's make sure to lay in plenty of cake for dessert.
posted by jamjam at 3:20 PM on April 5, 2014
posted by jamjam at 3:20 PM on April 5, 2014
Actually on second thought, you could probably do a slightly less extreme, but visually stunning, version of this using white potatoes, gold, purple, and sweet nested inside each other somehow. Would require some serious precision knifework or a lathe. Serve sliced.
Fit for the table of Louis XVI-- and let's make sure to lay in plenty of cake for dessert.
*wailing and gnashing of teeth*
She said to let them eat brioche, which is a bread (albeit sweet) and not a cake.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 3:29 PM on April 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
Fit for the table of Louis XVI-- and let's make sure to lay in plenty of cake for dessert.
*wailing and gnashing of teeth*
She said to let them eat brioche, which is a bread (albeit sweet) and not a cake.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 3:29 PM on April 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
She said to let them eat brioche
She never said anything about cake or brioche. The story predates Marie Antoinette and was applied to her as part of the general propaganda campaign against her and the royal family generally.
posted by yoink at 3:31 PM on April 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
She never said anything about cake or brioche. The story predates Marie Antoinette and was applied to her as part of the general propaganda campaign against her and the royal family generally.
posted by yoink at 3:31 PM on April 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
Is there a vegetarian version of this dish?
Here's a recipe for tofucken. I can't find it now, but a few years back, I read a hilarious article by two women trying to make something like this using a huge variety of faux-meats. One of their comments after an attempt was next time were are going after a turducken that doesn't focus so heavily on the first four letters.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:33 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
Here's a recipe for tofucken. I can't find it now, but a few years back, I read a hilarious article by two women trying to make something like this using a huge variety of faux-meats. One of their comments after an attempt was next time were are going after a turducken that doesn't focus so heavily on the first four letters.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:33 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
Fifteen pounds, seventeen birds, plus stuffing layers..... even assuming the conglomeration tastes good, how many of the assembled diners get a share of ALL those layers? Seems to me SOMEBODY at that dinner is getting cheated!
posted by easily confused at 3:33 PM on April 5, 2014
posted by easily confused at 3:33 PM on April 5, 2014
Seems to me SOMEBODY at that dinner is getting cheated!
You're assuming everyone loves capers.
posted by arcticseal at 3:36 PM on April 5, 2014 [4 favorites]
You're assuming everyone loves capers.
posted by arcticseal at 3:36 PM on April 5, 2014 [4 favorites]
If you boned out every bird you'd be sure that everyone at least gets a variety.
Obviously only a couple of people are getting ortolan etc.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 3:37 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
Obviously only a couple of people are getting ortolan etc.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 3:37 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
You're assuming everyone loves capers.
They do. This is why caper films do so well around the globe.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:38 PM on April 5, 2014 [21 favorites]
They do. This is why caper films do so well around the globe.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:38 PM on April 5, 2014 [21 favorites]
If you boned out every bird you'd be sure that everyone at least gets a variety.
Now... that... is taking decadent cooking... to an extreme.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:39 PM on April 5, 2014 [8 favorites]
Now... that... is taking decadent cooking... to an extreme.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:39 PM on April 5, 2014 [8 favorites]
When you're ready to cook the roast, you build a fire, then nail it to a board and lean it up against the fire till it turns black. Then you take the roast off the board and turn it over, nail it back on and lean it up against the fire till it turns black. Then you eat the board.
posted by Daily Alice at 3:40 PM on April 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by Daily Alice at 3:40 PM on April 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
sigh
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 3:40 PM on April 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 3:40 PM on April 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
This is why caper films do so well around the globe.
Although many people find the language too salty.
posted by yoink at 3:44 PM on April 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
Although many people find the language too salty.
posted by yoink at 3:44 PM on April 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
The linked article says the recipe is in an 1807 cookbook called L’almanach des gourmands. Turns out there is a blog by that name (which looks pretty interesting). It offers in English as well as in French the 1803 edition of that cookbook. But, that edition contains no "Roti Sans Pareil". Other sources claim to have found it in the 1811 edition. The almanac apparently was issued annually from 1803 to 1812 with new content each year. So, can anyone find the actual 1807 recipe, let alone evidence of anyone actually cooking it?
posted by beagle at 3:49 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by beagle at 3:49 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
Sorry....
People enjoying this thread might want to look up The Decadent Cookbook by Medlar Lucan, and Durian Gray (heh). It's a collection of decadent literature, sandwiched between chapters of recipes on specific types of outre, fin de siècle food.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:51 PM on April 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
People enjoying this thread might want to look up The Decadent Cookbook by Medlar Lucan, and Durian Gray (heh). It's a collection of decadent literature, sandwiched between chapters of recipes on specific types of outre, fin de siècle food.
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:51 PM on April 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
Is it just me or is anyone else really wanting to taste this now?
posted by divabat at 3:58 PM on April 5, 2014
posted by divabat at 3:58 PM on April 5, 2014
I have a hard time believing that it would taste all that good. Years ago, I helped make a very simple thing like this for a fancy dinner -- we took chickens, cut them open and removed all bones except the wing and leg bones. Then the cavity was filled with a layer of stuffing, seasoned chicken breasts, a layer of stuffing, a peeled hard-boiled egg, more stuffing, then the bird was sewn up and roasted. It was a stuffed chicken you could cut and serve like a cake. The presentation was nice, but it only tasted OK (and there was the stitching to navigate). With more layers of often kind of oily bird, I expect you'd get layers of trapped grease, and the whole would be less than the sum of its parts, by turns dry and oily.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:08 PM on April 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:08 PM on April 5, 2014 [3 favorites]
And then serve in a commemorative tote bag full of chili!
posted by Rock Steady at 4:09 PM on April 5, 2014 [5 favorites]
posted by Rock Steady at 4:09 PM on April 5, 2014 [5 favorites]
If you boned out every bird you'd be sure that everyone at least gets a variety.
Obviously only a couple of people are getting ortolan etc.
As long as you make sure that all the birds are concentrically arranged, and cut radially so that the slices look like melon slices (but extending into the center of the poly-fowl) then you're all good!
posted by etherist at 4:19 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
Obviously only a couple of people are getting ortolan etc.
As long as you make sure that all the birds are concentrically arranged, and cut radially so that the slices look like melon slices (but extending into the center of the poly-fowl) then you're all good!
posted by etherist at 4:19 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
How does one eat this? "Bird by bird, son. Bird by bird."
posted by 4ster at 4:23 PM on April 5, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by 4ster at 4:23 PM on April 5, 2014 [6 favorites]
The last bird leads to Narnia.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 4:31 PM on April 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 4:31 PM on April 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
Previously: Turduckens, Cockentrices and Helmeted Cocks
posted by Joe in Australia at 4:37 PM on April 5, 2014
posted by Joe in Australia at 4:37 PM on April 5, 2014
Here's a recipe for tofucken.
Tofucken looks like something you'd hear in a bad German porno made by non German speakers.
"Wir tofucken hier jetzt, ja? Es ist sexy Zeit!"
posted by kmz at 4:59 PM on April 5, 2014 [11 favorites]
Tofucken looks like something you'd hear in a bad German porno made by non German speakers.
"Wir tofucken hier jetzt, ja? Es ist sexy Zeit!"
posted by kmz at 4:59 PM on April 5, 2014 [11 favorites]
MetaFilter: not many vegetables have such convenient cavities
posted by hippybear at 5:08 PM on April 5, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 5:08 PM on April 5, 2014 [6 favorites]
Woodcock. Heh.
posted by jonmc at 5:11 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by jonmc at 5:11 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
We are not splitting the check equally. I hardly got any ortolan at all.
posted by Wolfdog at 5:58 PM on April 5, 2014 [6 favorites]
posted by Wolfdog at 5:58 PM on April 5, 2014 [6 favorites]
zarq: "At what point does this become a fetish?"
Anything That Moves by Dana Goodyear
I like food, but I'm about 85% of the way through it and I keep thinking, "These people are TERRIBLE PEOPLE," and "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Not because of the "gross things" chapters (tripe, insects) but because of the "Oooooh, let's go kill endangered things and eat them just because they're rare!" chapters.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:20 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
Anything That Moves by Dana Goodyear
I like food, but I'm about 85% of the way through it and I keep thinking, "These people are TERRIBLE PEOPLE," and "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Not because of the "gross things" chapters (tripe, insects) but because of the "Oooooh, let's go kill endangered things and eat them just because they're rare!" chapters.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:20 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
Yawn. Call me back when there's several duplicate layers of masterfully minced plump helmets in there too.
posted by coolname at 7:52 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by coolname at 7:52 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
So that's how they fit all the animals on the Ark.
posted by bswinburn at 8:19 PM on April 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
posted by bswinburn at 8:19 PM on April 5, 2014 [2 favorites]
I kept looking for the Hannibal tie-in.
Hannibal must do something like this at Thanksgiving.
posted by homunculus at 9:01 PM on April 5, 2014
Hannibal must do something like this at Thanksgiving.
posted by homunculus at 9:01 PM on April 5, 2014
So, can anyone find the actual 1807 recipe,
As best I could tell, Gallica has digitized copies of the 1806 and 1808 Almanach des Gourmands, but not 1807. I did find a contemporaneous recipe here, in the 1811 Le Parfait Cuisiner ou Le Breviare des Gourmands.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 10:09 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
As best I could tell, Gallica has digitized copies of the 1806 and 1808 Almanach des Gourmands, but not 1807. I did find a contemporaneous recipe here, in the 1811 Le Parfait Cuisiner ou Le Breviare des Gourmands.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 10:09 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
Review of Yorkshire Christmas Pie (Yorkshire Courant, December 1774) - 2 out of 4 flasks
The Courant ruins Yuletide again!!! - Agnes from Ripon, YSN
While my guests were indeed impressed by the cleverly macabre presentation (I misplaced my coffin-shaped pie tin, and was forced to substitute an actual small coffin), most who dined at the Christmas feast found this dish to be an disappointing representation of the joy and reverence we usually feel at Noel. Of course Turkey, goose, guinea fowl, partridge, and pigeon combine to create a familiar and pleasing flavor palette... with one notable exception! Where on Earth was the Snipe in this recipe?! Its exclusion caused the dish to lack depth. We were all so saddened by the insufficient feast that we were unable to celebrate the birth of the Christ child with the requisite devotion. If I attempt this recipe again, I will be liberal with the Snipe, and I might even go a bit overboard and add a pinch of salt!
posted by Pizzarina Sbarro at 10:49 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
The Courant ruins Yuletide again!!! - Agnes from Ripon, YSN
While my guests were indeed impressed by the cleverly macabre presentation (I misplaced my coffin-shaped pie tin, and was forced to substitute an actual small coffin), most who dined at the Christmas feast found this dish to be an disappointing representation of the joy and reverence we usually feel at Noel. Of course Turkey, goose, guinea fowl, partridge, and pigeon combine to create a familiar and pleasing flavor palette... with one notable exception! Where on Earth was the Snipe in this recipe?! Its exclusion caused the dish to lack depth. We were all so saddened by the insufficient feast that we were unable to celebrate the birth of the Christ child with the requisite devotion. If I attempt this recipe again, I will be liberal with the Snipe, and I might even go a bit overboard and add a pinch of salt!
posted by Pizzarina Sbarro at 10:49 PM on April 5, 2014 [1 favorite]
All this talk makes me hungry for a cheeseburger.
posted by double block and bleed at 2:30 AM on April 6, 2014
posted by double block and bleed at 2:30 AM on April 6, 2014
This reminds me of James Adomian's impression of Merrill Shindler.
posted by saladin at 6:00 AM on April 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
posted by saladin at 6:00 AM on April 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
Well this is fortuitous! I was looking forward to making something with capers today as I have an opened jar in the fridge, but when I checked I discovered there was only one left, and I thought that was the end of that plan.
posted by asok at 6:38 AM on April 6, 2014 [7 favorites]
posted by asok at 6:38 AM on April 6, 2014 [7 favorites]
Yo dawg, I heard you like turducken.
Based on the naming of the turducken, I gather this would be a busturgoosantkenduckguifowltealwoodpartplolapquaithrularkwarolchovper.
Of Ulm.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:09 AM on April 6, 2014
Based on the naming of the turducken, I gather this would be a busturgoosantkenduckguifowltealwoodpartplolapquaithrularkwarolchovper.
Of Ulm.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:09 AM on April 6, 2014
If you boned out every bird you'd be sure that everyone at least gets a variety.
Now... that... is taking decadent cooking... to an extreme.
Of course it is. What looks like an 1811 reprint of the original recipe linked above by Horace Rumpole calls for all the birds to be boned.
(You can then use the bones to make busturgoosantkenduckguifowltealwoodpartplolapquaithrularkwarolchovper stock for the gravy.)
posted by beagle at 11:12 AM on April 6, 2014 [2 favorites]
Now... that... is taking decadent cooking... to an extreme.
Of course it is. What looks like an 1811 reprint of the original recipe linked above by Horace Rumpole calls for all the birds to be boned.
(You can then use the bones to make busturgoosantkenduckguifowltealwoodpartplolapquaithrularkwarolchovper stock for the gravy.)
posted by beagle at 11:12 AM on April 6, 2014 [2 favorites]
Plus vegetables vary in their cooking time from species to species rather more than birds do
you could stuff a tiny potato inside a small potato inside a pretty small potato inside a mediumish potato inside a slightly-larger-than-medium potato inside a medium large potato inside a large potato inside a very large potato inside a really large potato inside a MY GOSH THAT'S FUCKING HUGE potato
posted by daisystomper at 5:47 PM on April 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
you could stuff a tiny potato inside a small potato inside a pretty small potato inside a mediumish potato inside a slightly-larger-than-medium potato inside a medium large potato inside a large potato inside a very large potato inside a really large potato inside a MY GOSH THAT'S FUCKING HUGE potato
posted by daisystomper at 5:47 PM on April 6, 2014 [1 favorite]
Metafilter: by turns dry and oily.
posted by Chrysostom at 8:10 PM on April 6, 2014
posted by Chrysostom at 8:10 PM on April 6, 2014
I had to look up "bustard" to be sure it wasn't anything like a buzzard, but I still can't shake the mental picture of Roasted Concentric Arrangement of Roadkill.
posted by bricoleur at 8:50 PM on April 6, 2014
posted by bricoleur at 8:50 PM on April 6, 2014
you could stuff a tiny potato inside a small potato inside a pretty small potato inside a mediumish potato inside a slightly-larger-than-medium potato inside a medium large potato inside a large potato inside a very large potato inside a really large potato inside a MY GOSH THAT'S FUCKING HUGE potato
Ahem.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 4:15 AM on April 7, 2014
Ahem.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 4:15 AM on April 7, 2014
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