it's a free market

June 19, 2014 2:20 PM

Ayn Rand's Harry Potter and the Prisoners of Collectivism

“In the marketplace of ideas,” Harry went on, “Voldemort has the same right to disseminate his philosophy as you do. If his philosophy is sound, it will flourish. If his philosophy is unsound, you have nothing to fear.”

posted by fight or flight (44 comments total)

Objectiviarmus!
posted by chavenet at 2:29 PM on June 19, 2014 [6 favorites]

I'm trying to decide whether or not the author has read HP:MoR already or not...
posted by BungaDunga at 2:40 PM on June 19, 2014 [6 favorites]

“Never get angry with a man for speaking the truth,” Harry reminded her.

Good stuff. Thanks FoF.
posted by doctor_negative at 2:40 PM on June 19, 2014

I was thinking about absolute libertarianism today in light of the GM ignition switch failures and those who died from them. In our Libertopia, where GM was free to sell cars with dangerous equipment in our unfettered free market, those customers were free to not buy GM cars but to instead buy a car in a country that had safety standards for their automobiles. Yep, that's how the free market works.

Wait...what?
posted by Mental Wimp at 2:43 PM on June 19, 2014 [3 favorites]

I admit it, The Toast is MeFi catnip. (Why does that sound like a mixed metaphor?)
posted by gwint at 2:50 PM on June 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

Hell, several of us write for them! ( hey where are the Mefi/Toast peopple at? We should get special passports or something.)
posted by The Whelk at 2:56 PM on June 19, 2014 [8 favorites]

More than that, The Toast is the New McSweeney's, a conclusion I came to after reading this superbly concise listicle.
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:29 PM on June 19, 2014 [4 favorites]

In our Libertopia, where GM was free to sell cars with dangerous equipment in our unfettered free market

Government Motors?
posted by codswallop at 3:42 PM on June 19, 2014 [4 favorites]

General Motors, Mills, Electric & Food
posted by lazycomputerkids at 3:48 PM on June 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

Except that the Toast is frequently coherent, and mostly humorous.
posted by bleep at 3:56 PM on June 19, 2014 [2 favorites]

While nothing will ever beat Forum 2000 for me as a parody of objectivism (though you sort of had to be there at the time), this is good stuff. Really, objectivism, as a philosophy is the comic joke that keeps on giving. It is to philosophy what scientology is to religion, which is to say hilariously stupid until somebody decides to take it seriously.
posted by Joey Michaels at 4:06 PM on June 19, 2014 [4 favorites]

Except that the Toast is frequently coherent, and mostly humorous.

However, it's totally borked when displayed on an iPad.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 4:11 PM on June 19, 2014

where are the Mefi/Toast peopple at? We should get special passports or something.

[Raises hand.]

I'm still waiting on my visa, though. The paperwork takes forever.
posted by Iridic at 4:21 PM on June 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

Other Ayn Rand news today: Ron Paul makes his acting debut in Atlas Shrugged III.
posted by octothorpe at 4:27 PM on June 19, 2014 [3 favorites]

While nothing will ever beat Forum 2000 for me as a parody of objectivism

I miss Q&A sites. That whole genre of comedy kind of blossomed and wilted in a handful of years.
posted by Pope Guilty at 4:27 PM on June 19, 2014 [3 favorites]

Who is Harry Potter?
posted by humanfont at 5:26 PM on June 19, 2014 [3 favorites]

I hope the objectivist HP ends like Atlas Shrugged, where society collapses, and our heroes celebrate as the rest of humanity starves to death off-page. And it's a *happy* ending. The fact that I, as the reader was supposed to feel joy or triumph in such a moment put me off of Rand far more than any arguments or reasoning.
posted by DGStieber at 5:35 PM on June 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

I will never, ever get tired of things that make fun of Ayn Rand.
Also, isn't the correct answer to "who is John Galt?" "a union organizer who orchestrated a massive strike"?
posted by uosuaq at 5:36 PM on June 19, 2014 [32 favorites]

'no see, we all agree to do a thing that's in our best interests, together. ITS TOTALLY NOT COLLECTIVIST YOU GUYS. COME TO MY STEEL RICH-PERSON CITY'
posted by thsmchnekllsfascists at 5:48 PM on June 19, 2014 [6 favorites]

i liked trains.

Liberal!
posted by thelonius at 5:53 PM on June 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

Sigh.
posted by Hermione Granger at 6:09 PM on June 19, 2014 [5 favorites]

Oh god I have a colleague that talks like this. He told me his kid, that he plans to homeschool, will have earned enough money by age 10 to move out and rent their own apartment.
posted by Joe Chip at 6:21 PM on June 19, 2014

Oh god I have a colleague that talks like this. He told me his kid, that he plans to homeschool, will have earned enough money by age 10 to move out and rent their own apartment.

How Ayn Rand ruined my childhood.
posted by Pope Guilty at 6:28 PM on June 19, 2014 [5 favorites]

One, if you ever forget how to pronounce "Ayn" it rhymes with "mine".

Two, any time I see a "who is John Galt" sticker on a car, I make sure the driver hears me tell them, "A fictional character!"
posted by notsnot at 7:06 PM on June 19, 2014

While nothing will ever beat Forum 2000 for me as a parody of objectivism

[ simulated persona = "Ayn Rand", node #249, max search depth 43%, neural variance 9.964 ]
Your corrupt logic betrays your immoral denial of Objectivist axioms.
posted by dialetheia at 7:49 PM on June 19, 2014 [3 favorites]

One, if you ever forget how to pronounce "Ayn" it rhymes with "mine".

And not with "sane."
posted by MrBadExample at 7:57 PM on June 19, 2014 [5 favorites]

Needs a little more Reardon metal, if you know what I mean.
posted by benzenedream at 8:15 PM on June 19, 2014

Also, isn't the correct answer to "who is John Galt?" "a union organizer who orchestrated a massive strike"?

I would watch the hell out of Ronald Reagan vs. John Galt
posted by shakespeherian at 8:26 PM on June 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

BTW, there is a longstanding meme of sorts [LL post] about a supposedly real, later presumed apocryphal, book dedication which proved the wisdom of the serial comma:

"This book is dedicated to my parents, Ayn Rand and God."

Well, it turns out it is probably based on a real book dedication, an obscure tome called Electromagnetic Slow Wave Systems -- which is scanned into Google Books (albeit only in snippet mode). That book, by one R. M. Bevensee, incorporates the actual dedication

"This Book is Dedicated to:

my parents,

Ayn Rand,

and the Glory of GOD."
posted by dhartung at 11:37 PM on June 19, 2014 [3 favorites]

Anyone who enjoys OP's link should note that Ortberg has done this a few times, and will doubtless do more.

“Everything that is possible is fair,” Harry reminded him gently. “If he is able to purchase better equipment, that is his right as an individual. How is Draco’s superior purchasing ability qualitatively different from my superior Snitch-catching ability?”

“I guess it isn’t,” Ron said crossly.

Harry laughed, cool and remote, like if a mountain were to laugh. “Someday you’ll understand, Ron.”

And don't forget Ronbledore.
posted by Wretch729 at 11:57 PM on June 19, 2014 [1 favorite]

And now,The Logical Song feat Ayn Rand from our own Mifi music.
posted by boilermonster at 12:32 AM on June 20, 2014

Atlas Shrugged is the story of how the invention of unlimited free energy and an indestructible super-metal leads to doubling down on an economic system built on the assumption of scarcity. Adding wizards almost seems redundant.
posted by kewb at 4:20 AM on June 20, 2014 [12 favorites]

Lupin turned back into a man with flashing, clear eyes and a jaw that could level a mid-sized office building.

So he's not David Thewlis in this version?
posted by lodurr at 5:47 AM on June 20, 2014

this is hilarious.

Come to think of it, Ayn Rand and Wes Anderson are my favorite parody themes. Unfortunately, combining the two would probably be disastrous.
posted by rebent at 7:30 AM on June 20, 2014 [1 favorite]

As simultaneous parody, yes. But Wes Anderson taking a 'serious' stab at Ayn Rand might well be both hilarious and insightful.
posted by lodurr at 7:43 AM on June 20, 2014

Who is John Galt? Bill Murray, of course!
posted by kewb at 7:53 AM on June 20, 2014 [2 favorites]

i was thinking owen wilson, actually. i had murray down for reardon, as the guy who has to give way to the younger, stronger man.
posted by lodurr at 7:58 AM on June 20, 2014

One, if you ever forget how to pronounce "Ayn" it rhymes with "mine".

I just say "Ann." If someone wants me to pronounce it some other way, they're welcome to bargain with me.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:12 AM on June 20, 2014

Who is John Galt?

A famous but now largely forgotten Scottish novelist. Duh.

Ron Paul makes his acting debut in Atlas Shrugged III.

That's great news. It means he'll be ready for Batman v. Superman and Zach Snyder needs all the help he can get.
posted by octobersurprise at 8:14 AM on June 20, 2014

And better yet, he'll be ready to play the wizard Shazam in the projected Shazam movie!
posted by octobersurprise at 8:18 AM on June 20, 2014

To me, John Galt is always the founder of Guelph, Ontario where I lived for 12 years.
posted by fimbulvetr at 9:25 AM on June 20, 2014 [1 favorite]

It's amusing that the first two Atlas movies bombed horribly but they're making the third anyway just out of the kindness of their hearts as a gift to the true fans.
posted by octothorpe at 9:54 AM on June 20, 2014 [4 favorites]

...my parents, Ayn Rand and God.

Is it, is it...Libertarian Jesus?
posted by Mental Wimp at 12:47 PM on June 20, 2014

Mallory Ortberg is a treasure and her Two Monks series has made me laugh more and harder than anything else on the internet.

(In fact, everything she writes in The Toast's Artwork tag is hilarious.

Special mention of her recent "We’re Fine Here, How Are You?” Normal Moments In Art History Where No One Is About To Get Murdered entry, at which I snickered so hard at 3am that I woke up my husband and he pushed me off the bed.

Even now, i'm still smirking at the tiny 'hey' the Goya gets. Perfect.)
posted by pseudonymph at 11:32 PM on June 20, 2014