two slugs hanging in a cave
July 10, 2014 7:11 PM   Subscribe

Last night, popular Twitter user @rachelmillman asked her followers for their best and funniest stories about their first kiss. She got a big response. This morning, Twitter user @connorcook collected most of the tweets she received in a Storify.
posted by Rustic Etruscan (40 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
Shonnie Millsap where are you!
posted by notyou at 7:19 PM on July 10, 2014

If this thread turns into ChatFilter, I hope the Mods let it stay.
posted by wenestvedt at 7:22 PM on July 10, 2014

I think that the tweets, being limited to 140 characters, really squeeze these stories down to their essence. I imagine that most people have a First Kiss Story, and yet please get to the punchline: I would rather not listen to all those details, thanksverymuch. It's like a writing prompt!
posted by wenestvedt at 7:24 PM on July 10, 2014 [1 favorite]

For sale: Cherry Chapstick. Never used.

(the plan was to go up the left wing and right wing stairs to the catwalk - mine went to the roof and the other was blocked off from access by extra school desks)

This is another thing Twitter can be good form for. Restrictive like a limerick or haiku, and massively sharable.
posted by Buttons Bellbottom at 7:25 PM on July 10, 2014 [4 favorites]

It was at The Lion King. It was just us and a couple of 12-year-olds in the theater, and when they saw us kissing, they started throwing popcorn at us.
posted by to sir with millipedes at 7:34 PM on July 10, 2014 [2 favorites]

My first kiss…jeez, this is embarrassing…I didn't have a clue. I was a 13-yr. old guy. A girl had had a crush on my for years. Her girlfriend knew this. So Suzy closed the door on the two of us, smirking, and we were left in the dark, and kissing ensued. Thus began a half-century of ecstatic and traumatic relationships. Life as it is. Perhaps more so more so for artists…especially choosing damaged but fascinating partners. Cliched, but true.
posted by kozad at 7:41 PM on July 10, 2014

Greg Nog representin'. Love it. I'm not sure I can remember mine. The first one (with a dude) that I really remember was on the dance floor at Buddies in Bad Times. I got to first base long after rounding third.
posted by sevenyearlurk at 7:42 PM on July 10, 2014

She invited me over for dinner. Chattered with her parents, went to the basement to "watch TV". Descended the staircase, leaned in on the dark couch. Gods, she kissed so well. I was entranced, in rapture. I looked up from her soft lips and long lashes and mermaid fingers and all those tingly feels to see a Jew being shot dead. It was the night Schindler's List debuted on network television.

Didn't last long.
posted by fake at 8:02 PM on July 10, 2014 [2 favorites]

I remain forever jealous of people who have sweet first-kiss stories.

Tiny PSA: Parents please tell your children to make sure their first kiss is with someone they actually like
posted by likeatoaster at 8:33 PM on July 10, 2014 [3 favorites]

We went to see Crimson Tide, and halfway through just started making out. I still have no idea what happened in that movie.
posted by infinitewindow at 8:55 PM on July 10, 2014

I was spending the summer back in NY and living with my cousin when I was 16. He was the captain of the track team. He walked me home from some house party where I had my first beer from a keg (instead of a bottle or can). He lent me his coat because it was so chilly. We paused at the top of the hill on the empty, quiet street, under the streetlight. He kissed me gently, firmly. He was tall and attractive and sweet. Then he swung me up into his arms and he carried me the rest of the way down the street to the door of their house.

It was pretty glorious.
posted by jeanmari at 9:09 PM on July 10, 2014

At a Jewish youth group retreat somewhere in the Santa Cruz mountains when I was 14. By luck of available space on the one couch in the rec room, end up sitting next to a pretty blond girl. We talk for a while, then she sticks her tongue in my mouth. It was cool. Nothing since has been as cool.
posted by The Gooch at 9:17 PM on July 10, 2014

No clue at all about the first. The best was fantastically cinematic: with a redhead in a rainstorm.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:17 PM on July 10, 2014

On a beanbag chair at the end of a Monty Python party. Which says all you really need to know.
posted by clavicle at 9:20 PM on July 10, 2014 [2 favorites]

His giant mouth slug suddenly popping into my mouth made me nauseous. I went home and brushed my teeth a lot, and didn't kiss anyone again for the next 5 years.
posted by ChuraChura at 9:30 PM on July 10, 2014

I was done with college and was leaving; he'd found a job in the area. I asked if I could go to his apartment so we could watch a movie, and he agreed, even after years of romantic/sexual tension. We spent most of it playing footsy, and at the end I nervously asked if I could kiss him.

I turned out to be a sloppy kisser, but that didn't matter. We spent the rest of the night together, and exchanged our goodbyes in the morning, shortly before I left the city.
posted by supermassive at 10:12 PM on July 10, 2014

I honestly don't remember. Some punk rock girl at a party when I was 15, almost certainly. Unless you count dare-kisses in third grade.
posted by 256 at 10:19 PM on July 10, 2014

Buttons Bellbottom: For sale: Cherry Chapstick. Never used.

Took me hours before I got this. Brilliant. (hint)
posted by IAmBroom at 11:08 PM on July 10, 2014 [1 favorite]

Oh man, I missed this, so I will share mine here: we started kissing and went straight to making out and I didn't know how to stop and then someone opened the green room door, squeaked, and walked out. We never found out who it was
posted by NoraReed at 11:55 PM on July 10, 2014

We kissed, then we embraced while I tried to inconspiciously wipe his slobber off my face behind his back. Awkward silence followed.
posted by Skybly at 12:55 AM on July 11, 2014

12, maybe 13? party in a suburban basement with wood panelling (somehow, still). everyone had paired off. i vaguely remember a light-eyed boy with curly hair. he was a drooler.
posted by cotton dress sock at 1:33 AM on July 11, 2014

It obviously didn't make any impression on me, because I can't remember it at all. I can recall a few times when someone didn't want to kiss me, though, which clearly left more of a mark.
posted by Dip Flash at 2:45 AM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]

A couple of years ago Rhodri Marsden asked people to tweet him stories of their worst dates. The response was so good he got a book deal out of it. Somehow I can't see the same thing happening here.
posted by Hogshead at 3:11 AM on July 11, 2014

At a mid-90s indie gig with the best friend of a girl I knew from school. Short, pretty, dark hair and braces on her teeth. Never met her before or since that night. In many ways my most successful relationship to date.
posted by permafrost at 3:44 AM on July 11, 2014

So jealous of all these teenage kissers. I was eighteen in my first year of university. I don't know if it was the shape of our mouths or novelty or what, but damn my first girlfriend was an amazing kisser. We would make out for literally was like.. Lip massage. It's funny because everything else about the relationship was terrible, lol, including the sex.

But the kisses, well. They have stuck with me.
posted by smoke at 3:51 AM on July 11, 2014

Mine was on 9/11. After returning home from school, I called a girl with whom I had been on one nervous date. We watched the loops of footage as that unreasonably clear late summer day wound down. We laughed sometimes, which I'm not proud of, but I was seventeen and didn't know how to cope with world-altering tragedy.

She drove me home and we paused in my driveway. I self-consciously, passively asked about a kiss, and she kissed me. We dated for an awkward month and then I was dumped for the first time.
posted by Turkey Glue at 3:57 AM on July 11, 2014 [3 favorites]

posted by Potomac Avenue at 4:18 AM on July 11, 2014

Poor millenials.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 4:19 AM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]

I was 15, playing spin the bottle with classmates on the last night of a summer trip to France that our school sponsored. I pretended that playing the game was no big deal, but maybe everyone else was pretending, too. Spinning the bottle just so allowed me three turns to kiss the same girl, and she was... not a fan.

My most recent first kiss, we were busted by a cop for acting like teenagers in my car on our first date. Reader, I married her.
posted by emelenjr at 4:25 AM on July 11, 2014 [4 favorites]

She lived in my neighborhood, her brother, y'all, was my Dungeon Master. She was my age, (12) redheaded, freckly, sassy, with a look about her that always read "You are bothering me." Her entire family were lords and ladies in the Society for Creative Anachronism, and I fell in love with her as she swished around a middle school soccer field with a caul and long train bossing pretend servants around. She was physically and mentally about 10 years farther ahead than everyone else in 6th grade, so even though we had been "GF/BF" for more than a month, she declared that we would only kiss with closed lips, then proceeded to not kiss me for a week. On one of the last days of summer, after which I would be attending a new school, as the sun set and I had to go back into the house for dinner, she allowed me to pull my head into hers and let our closed mouths touch, just for a moment. She indeed tasted like berry chapstick, and her hair mysteriously smelled like curry. She broke up with me a few days later. I'm still not entirely over it.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 4:30 AM on July 11, 2014 [6 favorites]

For the life of me, I can't remember.
posted by Renoroc at 7:25 AM on July 11, 2014

In the dark at a dance at the local volunteer fire department's fire hall. The band did bad covers of their white shaggy rock and roll idols. We were all white and shaggy. Some girl I did not know kissed me because it was dark and hot and loud and kids were kissing kids. I accidentally slobbered all over her cheek because I had no idea about anything.
posted by pracowity at 7:32 AM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]

Yeah, I can't remember it at all, although I assume it was at summer camp. But WHO? Who were you, mystery boy? I am sorry you were apparently so unmemorable.

I remember later terrible kisses like one dude who just shoved at least 13 feet of tongue into my mouth and let it lay there like a beached manatee. I bit him out of horror, drew blood, and failed to apologize due to wild hysterical laughter. I honestly thought it was going to slither down the back of my throat and back out through one of my nostrils like a hellish salivating ouroboros.
posted by elizardbits at 7:33 AM on July 11, 2014 [4 favorites]

There was another tongue-stabbing dude who acted like my mouth was a badly clogged toilet and his tongue was the mightiest plunger that ever plunged. I bit him as well but that was totally deliberate and on purpose and he discovered with some surprise that he was super into it.
posted by elizardbits at 7:36 AM on July 11, 2014

My friend Laura showed up at Burger King just as my shift was ending. She had her amazingly hot, totally out-of-my-league cokehead roommate Tracy with her. Tracy was kind of drunk. The three of us, along with our friends Todd and Jeff got in Laura's car and drove... somewhere. I don't remember where we were going.

I was in the middle of the back seat between Todd and Jeff. Laura was driving with Tracy riding shotgun. I had only met Tracy once before, briefly, but for some reason she was acting like we were much closer. She kept telling me I was the "cutest guy ever", which, had you known me back then, you'd know was totally not true. Unless really bad acne, Coke-bottle glasses, bad hair and an aroma akin to a Burger King kitchen was your thing.

At some point we heard a loud bang and we had a flat tire. All of us out of the car while Todd and Laura changed it. It was cold out and Tracy, who kept telling me I was cute, snuggled up to me for warmth. Our faces got closer and the next thing I knew we were kissing. Making out. Tongues. Holy shit it was good.

She told me I was a great kisser, for a virgin.

The tire got fixed and we continued kissing in the car. We wound up at her and Laura's place and were eventually left alone. We kissed some more, I got to touch my first boob, and then she fell asleep. Or at least pretended to. I put a blanket over her and sat back on the couch, alternating between "Best. Night. Ever." and "Worst. Night Ever."

In addition to my first kiss, that was also the night I learned what blue balls were.

I found out later they had all pretty much planned the whole thing, aside from the flat tire. I was a late bloomer and "Get Jim a Girlfriend or Laid or Any Kind of Action at All" was a common theme among my friends and Tracy volunteered to take one for the team.

One night a couple weeks later I was over Laura's house. Tracy wasn't there but her boyfriend was. He kept going on and on about how he knew Tracy was cheating on him but he didn't know with whom. I just sort of kept quiet.

I only saw her once more after that and have no idea what happened to her. It was still one of the best kisses I've ever had.
posted by bondcliff at 7:57 AM on July 11, 2014 [2 favorites]

Actual first first kiss? Vivian. 8th grade. She'd been hanging out with me and a bunch of my nerd friends for most of the school year (if I recall correctly, she had been Mike O's girlfriend for a little while). We had a school assembly, she demanded to sit next to me and, at some point in the middle of the assembly, turned my head towards her and (close-mouth) kissed me. We hung out at school for a while after that, then she moved on to a new school, and I didn't see her again until the age of Facebook.

It's possible that 35 years later, I can still bring back memories of the flutters that kiss left.

First 'mouth slug' kiss (thanks for *that* mental image, ChuraChura) wouldn't happen until 3 years later; junior year Sadie Hawkins's Dance. Stephanie. Got us 'hitched', took me into the Honeymoon Booth, and taught me how to do that properly. We 'dated' for a few weeks, then she dumped me for, IIRC, a football player.
posted by hanov3r at 9:07 AM on July 11, 2014

Melinda and I were at summer camp together. We were walking down a stairwell, when she turned and planted one on me, tongue and all.

Reader, I was gobsmacked. I dropped my backpack and ran back to my room. I almost fell down the stairs. What the hell was she doing ? We were supposed to be friends! We could get caught! Everyone will know I got kicked out of summer camp for kissing a girl!

I'm... well, I'm a little less uptight now.

She found me a FB a year or so ago. We had a few laughs about it.
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 9:45 AM on July 11, 2014

I was 10 years old. Spending the days at a YMCA summer camp thing that was basically glorified daycare because Mom and Dad were both working. She had red hair and freckles, and her name was Miranda. We went into the back room and, for no good reason, set up our two chairs facing into the corner. When we locked lips, I remember counting the seconds in my head until we parted. I was so excited that night to tell my parents about "my first romantic kiss." My mom asked, "what made it romantic?"

My reply: "Because I held it."
posted by hootenatty at 10:10 AM on July 11, 2014 [1 favorite]

Funny that so many men are posting stories here! Despite some societal expectations that males are all virile and suave and whatnot, I am seeing a lot of fantods among the lads.
posted by wenestvedt at 12:40 PM on July 16, 2014

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