Restroom etiquette
May 5, 2015 11:55 PM Subscribe
Pfft. . . A real man just craps his pants and asks if anyone has a problem with it. The anthropologist Horace Miner once wrote about the Nacirema, a strange North American people he said all perform the exact same set of rituals in communal “shrine rooms,” but pretend to be doing it in almost total secret.
NSFL (not safe for lunch)
NSFL (not safe for lunch)
Stall architecture varies from culture to culture, according to Cornell architecture professor Alexander Kira: European water closets are fully enclosed, while the standard design for American stalls is two five-foot walls and a door that start a foot from the ground.
I remember being soooooo impressed by this the first time I encountered a European toilet. I love it--it makes it easier to pretend I'm in my own little inviolable space.
Here in Canada the seemingly vast space between door and floor means I've actually had someone else's little kid crawl underneath and greet me while I was indisposed. NOT OK!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:09 AM on May 6, 2015 [10 favorites]
I remember being soooooo impressed by this the first time I encountered a European toilet. I love it--it makes it easier to pretend I'm in my own little inviolable space.
Here in Canada the seemingly vast space between door and floor means I've actually had someone else's little kid crawl underneath and greet me while I was indisposed. NOT OK!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:09 AM on May 6, 2015 [10 favorites]
I had a child crawl under the stall and inform the room that I had hair down there. Wanted to know why I had hair since his mommy didn't. It made me laugh my fucking head off.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 12:14 AM on May 6, 2015 [94 favorites]
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 12:14 AM on May 6, 2015 [94 favorites]
Bonus politeness points...the kid said hi first.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 12:15 AM on May 6, 2015 [38 favorites]
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 12:15 AM on May 6, 2015 [38 favorites]
As for European stalls, when I was at high school I once had to climb over the stall door when the door got stuck. I don't know if a crawlable space under the door would have been easier.
posted by sukeban at 12:19 AM on May 6, 2015
posted by sukeban at 12:19 AM on May 6, 2015
Those kids were working for anthropologists.
posted by BinaryApe at 12:32 AM on May 6, 2015 [27 favorites]
posted by BinaryApe at 12:32 AM on May 6, 2015 [27 favorites]
Women are more likely to duck into the men’s room than vice versa. But only because their lines are longer.
Everywhere, always, this is the case, because the average lineup of women (collectively) just has more business to do, all around, once they get in there (unrelated to lipstick reapplication or hair frouffing or whatever). And I feel like everyone knows this. What I'd like to see is an explanation for why women's bathrooms aren't comparatively larger than men's. Nothing more frustrating than being in minute 30 of standing in a line of women in various stages of arm-crossing/tortured dancing, and seeing one dude saunter in and out of the men's within seconds.
posted by cotton dress sock at 12:38 AM on May 6, 2015 [14 favorites]
Everywhere, always, this is the case, because the average lineup of women (collectively) just has more business to do, all around, once they get in there (unrelated to lipstick reapplication or hair frouffing or whatever). And I feel like everyone knows this. What I'd like to see is an explanation for why women's bathrooms aren't comparatively larger than men's. Nothing more frustrating than being in minute 30 of standing in a line of women in various stages of arm-crossing/tortured dancing, and seeing one dude saunter in and out of the men's within seconds.
posted by cotton dress sock at 12:38 AM on May 6, 2015 [14 favorites]
European stall doors are much more efficient at trapping and gagging you with the cologne/cigarette/stale beer/poo smell than American toilets.
posted by ian1977 at 1:07 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by ian1977 at 1:07 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
Women are more likely to duck into the men’s room than vice versa. But only because their lines are longer.
And because a man would likely be arrested.
posted by five fresh fish at 1:09 AM on May 6, 2015 [9 favorites]
And because a man would likely be arrested.
posted by five fresh fish at 1:09 AM on May 6, 2015 [9 favorites]
ian1977:I was just thinking that American style restrooms were designed so that everyone got to share in the agony.
Those kids were working for anthropologists.
Or journalists (warning: wonder showzen.)
posted by mcrandello at 1:15 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Those kids were working for anthropologists.
Or journalists (warning: wonder showzen.)
posted by mcrandello at 1:15 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
and 10 percent have “made an online purchase.”
New euphemism: "I gotta go make an online purchase."
posted by Mister Moofoo at 1:54 AM on May 6, 2015 [8 favorites]
New euphemism: "I gotta go make an online purchase."
posted by Mister Moofoo at 1:54 AM on May 6, 2015 [8 favorites]
A whole foot of underdoor space seems excessive. Australian stalls tend to be a compromise, of around 10cm. Keeps the toddlers out.
posted by Jimbob at 2:01 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by Jimbob at 2:01 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
because the average lineup of women (collectively) just has more business to do
And urinals are a much more efficient use of space so turnover is faster in the men's room so...
What I'd like to see is an explanation for why women's bathrooms aren't comparatively larger than men's.
...yeah, that would be the answer. The cynic in me says that the (tradionally, male) architect considers the pretty symmetry of his floorplan more important than the needs of the female users of his building.
posted by merlynkline at 2:04 AM on May 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
And urinals are a much more efficient use of space so turnover is faster in the men's room so...
What I'd like to see is an explanation for why women's bathrooms aren't comparatively larger than men's.
...yeah, that would be the answer. The cynic in me says that the (tradionally, male) architect considers the pretty symmetry of his floorplan more important than the needs of the female users of his building.
posted by merlynkline at 2:04 AM on May 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
What I'd like to see is an explanation for why women's bathrooms aren't comparatively larger than men's.
They may not be large enough, but they are often much, much nicer. Not just in the sense of not being covered with nearly as much graffiti and crud (although there's that) but also the decor is often way fancier and there can be lounges and stuff. (Seriously, guys. Lounges. Sometimes it's like a freaking Victorian sitting room in there!)
I've seen some awful women's rooms, but I've seen plenty that were orders of magnitude fancier than the men's room in the same establishment. I guess bathroom designers think: Don't give women enough places to pee, but make the places where they pee a lot prettier than the great big prison-style hellholes where the guys all go to pee. Some interesting psychology there.
(As research I cite a couple of decades as a drag queen, being a conspicuous and often unwelcome guest in various men's and women's rooms across the western US.)
I had a child crawl under the stall and inform the room that I had hair down there.
- posted by fluffy battle kitten
Eponi-awkward.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 2:05 AM on May 6, 2015 [29 favorites]
They may not be large enough, but they are often much, much nicer. Not just in the sense of not being covered with nearly as much graffiti and crud (although there's that) but also the decor is often way fancier and there can be lounges and stuff. (Seriously, guys. Lounges. Sometimes it's like a freaking Victorian sitting room in there!)
I've seen some awful women's rooms, but I've seen plenty that were orders of magnitude fancier than the men's room in the same establishment. I guess bathroom designers think: Don't give women enough places to pee, but make the places where they pee a lot prettier than the great big prison-style hellholes where the guys all go to pee. Some interesting psychology there.
(As research I cite a couple of decades as a drag queen, being a conspicuous and often unwelcome guest in various men's and women's rooms across the western US.)
I had a child crawl under the stall and inform the room that I had hair down there.
- posted by fluffy battle kitten
Eponi-awkward.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 2:05 AM on May 6, 2015 [29 favorites]
everyone got to share in the agony
At the office I work in they have just fitted the latest in high-speed hand dryers. These have the the presumably unintended side effect of sharing the agony very evenly.
posted by merlynkline at 2:07 AM on May 6, 2015
At the office I work in they have just fitted the latest in high-speed hand dryers. These have the the presumably unintended side effect of sharing the agony very evenly.
posted by merlynkline at 2:07 AM on May 6, 2015
I always suspected that this was largely true.
posted by jbickers at 2:27 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by jbickers at 2:27 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
What I'd like to see is an explanation for why women's bathrooms aren't comparatively larger than men's.
Often, the lines outside the Ladies' room are longest in city centre locations like theatres, where every square foot of floor space costs the building's operator a fortune in rent. I'm guessing they'd be reluctant to devote more space to the Ladies' restroom - or any other area that doesn't directly produce revenue - for that reason.
What baffles me is that humanity has not yet come up with some combination of female underwear and porcelain sculpture that allows women to pee (almost) as fast as men. I mean, there must have been a time before the male fly was invented as as addition to pants and before the urinal stall made its debut. Where are the matching design innovations for women? And why have those faltering attempts to answer this question so far never caught on?
posted by Paul Slade at 2:31 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Often, the lines outside the Ladies' room are longest in city centre locations like theatres, where every square foot of floor space costs the building's operator a fortune in rent. I'm guessing they'd be reluctant to devote more space to the Ladies' restroom - or any other area that doesn't directly produce revenue - for that reason.
What baffles me is that humanity has not yet come up with some combination of female underwear and porcelain sculpture that allows women to pee (almost) as fast as men. I mean, there must have been a time before the male fly was invented as as addition to pants and before the urinal stall made its debut. Where are the matching design innovations for women? And why have those faltering attempts to answer this question so far never caught on?
posted by Paul Slade at 2:31 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'm guessing they'd be reluctant to devote more space to the Ladies' restroom - or any other area that doesn't directly produce revenue
But they could give up floor space in the mens' room to make room for more in the ladies'. Or do we think that men contribute more to their revenue? Come to that, why would better restrooms not contribute directly to revenue? I might be more willing to attend a theatre with better facilities.
posted by merlynkline at 2:42 AM on May 6, 2015
But they could give up floor space in the mens' room to make room for more in the ladies'. Or do we think that men contribute more to their revenue? Come to that, why would better restrooms not contribute directly to revenue? I might be more willing to attend a theatre with better facilities.
posted by merlynkline at 2:42 AM on May 6, 2015
10% of people surveyed said they eat on the bathroom?
Projectile vomiting now.
posted by angrycat at 2:49 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Projectile vomiting now.
posted by angrycat at 2:49 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
We have sent Dilbert and Scott Adams to the oubliette. Do not speak of them ;)
posted by Yowser at 3:16 AM on May 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by Yowser at 3:16 AM on May 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
Eating is just wrong. Not to mention impractical, I mean how would that even work?
Drinking, on the other hand, is strangely satisfying; imagining the water just flowing all the way through you. I confess this here in the hopes I'm not the only one.
posted by zinon at 3:17 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
Drinking, on the other hand, is strangely satisfying; imagining the water just flowing all the way through you. I confess this here in the hopes I'm not the only one.
posted by zinon at 3:17 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
Bristol has some beautiful Victorian public toilets going on, including a decommissioned one that's used as an art space (3rd photo down) and another that's a grade 2 listed building (though it must have been GROSS when in use - imagine the stink emanating from that.)
According to mr glasseyes women's public loos have been a bit of an afterthought, as conveniences were originally built for workmen, who might have been in the street all day - women were presumed to have homes to go to. Which probably wasn't accurate even then. The women who didn't have homes to go to weren't thought to be worth providing for I guess.
posted by glasseyes at 3:20 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
According to mr glasseyes women's public loos have been a bit of an afterthought, as conveniences were originally built for workmen, who might have been in the street all day - women were presumed to have homes to go to. Which probably wasn't accurate even then. The women who didn't have homes to go to weren't thought to be worth providing for I guess.
posted by glasseyes at 3:20 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Will stop spamming after this.
From The History Blog: Public lavatories were a nexus of Victorian obsessions — sanitation, technology, decoration as a marker of respectability, social reform, class conflict, gender roles, avoiding the various grossnesses of human biology. The modern era of public toilets was ushered in by sanitary engineer George Jennings who built “commodious refreshment rooms, with the accompaniments usually connected with them at large railway stations” in the Crystal Palace for the Great Exhibition of 1851. The euphemistic description in the catalog was no deterrent to use. The first public flushing toilets were a hit, used 827,820 times by men and women during the five months of the Great Exhibition. The pay toilets raised £2,441 at a penny per usage, a fee that would remain standard for 150 years, inflation be damned. The idiom for urinating “spend a penny” is a legacy of Jennings’ innovation...
...There was immense resistance from both men and women to the notion of public conveniences for the fairer sex. For some people, the notion of women peeing or pooping in close confines with other people of all walks of life was shockingly immodest, by its very design putting respectable middle and upper class women in the position of exposing their bodies and bodily functions in public much like prostitutes. The mixing of classes was seen as a danger in and of itself, the lady contaminated by rubbing shoulders with the flower girl.
...The Ladies Sanitary Association began campaigning for public women’s facilities in 1878, demanding there be public restrooms (with one free water closet in every facility for poor women) to accommodate the hundreds of thousands of working women navigating the city.
It took 5 whole years of bickering for public toilets open to women to be built near St. Pancras Station, an argument that George Bernard Shaw himself got involved with. Great blog post, well worth reading.
posted by glasseyes at 3:34 AM on May 6, 2015 [21 favorites]
From The History Blog: Public lavatories were a nexus of Victorian obsessions — sanitation, technology, decoration as a marker of respectability, social reform, class conflict, gender roles, avoiding the various grossnesses of human biology. The modern era of public toilets was ushered in by sanitary engineer George Jennings who built “commodious refreshment rooms, with the accompaniments usually connected with them at large railway stations” in the Crystal Palace for the Great Exhibition of 1851. The euphemistic description in the catalog was no deterrent to use. The first public flushing toilets were a hit, used 827,820 times by men and women during the five months of the Great Exhibition. The pay toilets raised £2,441 at a penny per usage, a fee that would remain standard for 150 years, inflation be damned. The idiom for urinating “spend a penny” is a legacy of Jennings’ innovation...
...There was immense resistance from both men and women to the notion of public conveniences for the fairer sex. For some people, the notion of women peeing or pooping in close confines with other people of all walks of life was shockingly immodest, by its very design putting respectable middle and upper class women in the position of exposing their bodies and bodily functions in public much like prostitutes. The mixing of classes was seen as a danger in and of itself, the lady contaminated by rubbing shoulders with the flower girl.
...The Ladies Sanitary Association began campaigning for public women’s facilities in 1878, demanding there be public restrooms (with one free water closet in every facility for poor women) to accommodate the hundreds of thousands of working women navigating the city.
It took 5 whole years of bickering for public toilets open to women to be built near St. Pancras Station, an argument that George Bernard Shaw himself got involved with. Great blog post, well worth reading.
posted by glasseyes at 3:34 AM on May 6, 2015 [21 favorites]
Only 2% of women say they sit directly on the toilet seat? Who knew I was such a freak?
posted by shonias at 3:37 AM on May 6, 2015 [36 favorites]
posted by shonias at 3:37 AM on May 6, 2015 [36 favorites]
One consequence of the software industry being so overwhelmingly male is that the office men's rooms are constantly busy while the women's are relatively empty.
posted by octothorpe at 3:43 AM on May 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
posted by octothorpe at 3:43 AM on May 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
Only 2 percent of women say they sit directly on the toilet seat in public restrooms; 85 percent hover, or “crouch,” as the paper put it.
What on earth do the remaining 13 percent do?
The preference gap between high-earners (who prefer toilet paper to hang with the loose end on the outside) and low-earners (who prefer the loose end to hang on the inside) is interesting, though puzzling.
posted by Dip Flash at 4:04 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
What on earth do the remaining 13 percent do?
The preference gap between high-earners (who prefer toilet paper to hang with the loose end on the outside) and low-earners (who prefer the loose end to hang on the inside) is interesting, though puzzling.
posted by Dip Flash at 4:04 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'm surprised that there's actually a preference gap based on income, but I've had debates over this enough it's not hard to puzzle out a rationalization. Loose end on the outside makes it easier to dispense as much toilet paper as you want because you can spin the roll better; loose end on the inside makes it easier to conserve toilet paper.
posted by I-Write-Essays at 4:15 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by I-Write-Essays at 4:15 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
If a kid had ever crawled into my bathroom stall I'm pretty sure I would still be screaming.
posted by winna at 4:19 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by winna at 4:19 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
Ooh, Who loo.
"Sorry that took so long, guys, when i got in there it was a lot bigger than I thought."
posted by condour75 at 4:35 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
"Sorry that took so long, guys, when i got in there it was a lot bigger than I thought."
posted by condour75 at 4:35 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
What on earth do the remaining 13 percent do?
Butt gaskets, presumably. Either laying down strips of toilet paper or one of those special-purpose kind.
What really bothers me is that two squares of TP is the average for men. Some of us use more than that, so I hope that doesn't imply what I fear it implies about some guys' hygiene.
posted by traveler_ at 4:35 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
Butt gaskets, presumably. Either laying down strips of toilet paper or one of those special-purpose kind.
What really bothers me is that two squares of TP is the average for men. Some of us use more than that, so I hope that doesn't imply what I fear it implies about some guys' hygiene.
posted by traveler_ at 4:35 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
What really bothers me is that two squares of TP is the average for men. Some of us use more than that, so I hope that doesn't imply what I fear it implies about some guys' hygiene.
I'm going to assume that urinal usage brings down the average significantly. You know, bang it on the side of the urinal a few times instead of dabbing...
posted by mikelieman at 4:45 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm going to assume that urinal usage brings down the average significantly. You know, bang it on the side of the urinal a few times instead of dabbing...
posted by mikelieman at 4:45 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
I'm highly suspicious of that crouching/sitting statistic. It doesn't square at all with my observations about women in public restrooms--I know some women who crouch but they're uncommon, plus the number of women who rage about crouchers pissing on the seat is way higher than admitted crouchers in my experience. Something seems off there.
posted by sciatrix at 4:45 AM on May 6, 2015 [12 favorites]
posted by sciatrix at 4:45 AM on May 6, 2015 [12 favorites]
As a Brit, I've long disliked American cubicle's lack of privacy with the huge gap at the the top and the bottom of the door. (But American hotel rooms don't do this; they have proper toilet doors).
But what's even more puzzling is the huge barrier between urinal bowls, especially in las vegas. Other Brit friends and I speculate that people are terrified that Jebus will smite them dead if they were even to catch an inadvertent glance at another man's penis.
posted by Pericles at 4:54 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
But what's even more puzzling is the huge barrier between urinal bowls, especially in las vegas. Other Brit friends and I speculate that people are terrified that Jebus will smite them dead if they were even to catch an inadvertent glance at another man's penis.
posted by Pericles at 4:54 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
> You know, bang it on the side of the urinal a few times instead of dabbing...
This is why I don't use urinals...
posted by I-Write-Essays at 4:59 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
This is why I don't use urinals...
posted by I-Write-Essays at 4:59 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
The urban legend I heard about the urinal barriers, Pericles, is John Wayne petitioned the state of California to pass a law requiring them because he was sick of guys recognizing him and subsequently pissing on his shoes.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 5:12 AM on May 6, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by Mister Moofoo at 5:12 AM on May 6, 2015 [10 favorites]
I think the "lounges" in the women's are designed for nursing, and possibly changing diapers before the plastic shelf came into being.
Ladies studying for finals at Uni used to nap out in there too.
I had Official Business in the ladies loo after hours, and I was totally gobsmacked by the graffiti. Paragraphs!!! Group participation! This was an 80s protoblog! I also learned which men my friends Should Not Date.
posted by drowsy at 5:15 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
Ladies studying for finals at Uni used to nap out in there too.
I had Official Business in the ladies loo after hours, and I was totally gobsmacked by the graffiti. Paragraphs!!! Group participation! This was an 80s protoblog! I also learned which men my friends Should Not Date.
posted by drowsy at 5:15 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
Territorial men like to spit into the urinal before peeing.
I was always perplexed about that. They get this smug look as they unzip after spitting. Now I wonder what else they do.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 5:18 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I was always perplexed about that. They get this smug look as they unzip after spitting. Now I wonder what else they do.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 5:18 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
What on earth do the remaining 13 percent do?
Some women squat with their feet on the seat, but I have no idea what proportion of the 13% that might represent. I do know it's a habit deeply unpopular with the cleaners of toilets, based on the numbers of signs explicitly banning it.
posted by shonias at 5:18 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Some women squat with their feet on the seat, but I have no idea what proportion of the 13% that might represent. I do know it's a habit deeply unpopular with the cleaners of toilets, based on the numbers of signs explicitly banning it.
posted by shonias at 5:18 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Here in Australia ladies loos are very much bigger than the men's. It's mandated in the building code. They still get more queues though.
posted by deadwax at 5:28 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by deadwax at 5:28 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Last week, when I went to see Sleep, the line for the men's was so long and the line for the women's was nonexistent. The women were positively gleeful. If that ain't proof that something needs to change, I don't know what is.
posted by Seamus at 5:35 AM on May 6, 2015
posted by Seamus at 5:35 AM on May 6, 2015
Yes, building codes for modern high-capacity buildings typically mandate larger women's rooms than men's, sized with time restrictions on capacity in mind. Typically old buildings don't have to upgrade, and small-capacity buildings can have evenly-sized bathrooms, but if you go to a recently-built college lecture hall, for example, the women's rooms will be twice the size of the men's. Movie theaters, too.
Lot of movie theaters around here have a big women's room, then a men's room half that size with the other half being the cleaning supplies closet. You can still have symmetrical construction!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:37 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Lot of movie theaters around here have a big women's room, then a men's room half that size with the other half being the cleaning supplies closet. You can still have symmetrical construction!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:37 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
As a Brit, I've long disliked American cubicle's lack of privacy with the huge gap at the the top and the bottom of the door.
The big gaps at top and bottom are bad, but it's the narrow gap down the edge of the door that really bothers me in American public toilets. It's hard to maintain the illusion of privacy when you can actually see people outside the stall, plus I'm always scared I'll accidentally make eye contact with someone, which seems like it must be the ultimate breach of ladies' room etiquette.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 5:38 AM on May 6, 2015 [11 favorites]
The big gaps at top and bottom are bad, but it's the narrow gap down the edge of the door that really bothers me in American public toilets. It's hard to maintain the illusion of privacy when you can actually see people outside the stall, plus I'm always scared I'll accidentally make eye contact with someone, which seems like it must be the ultimate breach of ladies' room etiquette.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 5:38 AM on May 6, 2015 [11 favorites]
Bathroom privacy discussions always make me think of these Romans (this exact illustration) having a shit and a chat. Especially the guy on the right who is pondering the life choices that led him to the same legion as these jerks who won't let him shit in peace.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:51 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:51 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
If a kid had ever crawled into my bathroom stall I'm pretty sure I would still be screaming.
Agree 100%. Sounds like something from The Grudge.
posted by theorique at 5:56 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
Agree 100%. Sounds like something from The Grudge.
posted by theorique at 5:56 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
When I was a little kid, and out shopping with my mom, I was always amazed that ladies' rooms (at least way back then) had chairs and padded benches. Imagine my dismay, when I was finally old enough to go to the men's room by myself, that there were no chairs or benches and the place seemed positively Soviet compared the nice rooms my mom used. I'm told that women's rooms have declined greatly since then, and often rival men's rooms in their spartan qualities.
Women use way more TP than men.
No kidding. When our daughter was still living with us, I often found myself hit by a sense of dread whenever she would head to her bathroom. I fully expected to hear those magical words "Daddy! Can you bring the plunger?" We took to simply leaving it in there for her to use. To this day, I have no idea what she was doing with so much TP.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:56 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Women use way more TP than men.
No kidding. When our daughter was still living with us, I often found myself hit by a sense of dread whenever she would head to her bathroom. I fully expected to hear those magical words "Daddy! Can you bring the plunger?" We took to simply leaving it in there for her to use. To this day, I have no idea what she was doing with so much TP.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:56 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I always enjoy these threads because I can be the one to come in and show you It Can Always Be Worse.
Budget cuts and a seemingly incompetent facilities manager mean that our bathrooms are... vile doesn't even cut it. Unusable gets close.
One of the vertical posts that holds the stall doors up had been sagging in its mount for ages, and recently they finally fixed it by jamming a wooden shim in there. Which broke, naturally. So they jammed another shim in and drove a new bolt in to secure the post, only they overcorrected and is not vertical in the other direction now. Which means that one stall door has a gap so wide that it won't latch (and anyone can peer right in to see who's on the shitter) and it's caused a domino effect where the stall door at the other end of the line won't close because there's not enough clearance.
The solution to the large gap, of course, was to stick adhesive-backed Velcro to the door and the frame. So you have to Velcro the door shut when you want to use that stall.
The urinals have those automatic flush valves, and one of them has been acting up lately. The solution was to put a plunger in front of it so people wouldn't use it. Of course, some people come in, test the flusher, decide that it's working, and move the plunger away. There is a plunger battle taking place where some people put it back in front of the urinal and other people take it away. Finally, someone just jammed the plunger in the urinal where it has stayed for several weeks. When one of the toilets broke, another plunger appeared and was placed in front of it. I don't know where all these plungers are coming from.
The budget for paper towels has been reduced so drastically that we now get a product that leaves your hands dirtier after using it. Drying your hands leaves a sticky residue on them. But that's ok, because the bathrooms only get restocked once a week on Mondays and by Tuesday morning they're out of paper products anyway.
There was shit smeared on a toilet seat this week. Like, where you sit. I still can't figure that one out.
The bathrooms also seem to have been cut off from the building ventilation return. There's a (hot air) source in the bathroom, but no exhaust. It is never not disgustingly smelly in there.
I could go on.
posted by backseatpilot at 5:59 AM on May 6, 2015 [9 favorites]
Budget cuts and a seemingly incompetent facilities manager mean that our bathrooms are... vile doesn't even cut it. Unusable gets close.
One of the vertical posts that holds the stall doors up had been sagging in its mount for ages, and recently they finally fixed it by jamming a wooden shim in there. Which broke, naturally. So they jammed another shim in and drove a new bolt in to secure the post, only they overcorrected and is not vertical in the other direction now. Which means that one stall door has a gap so wide that it won't latch (and anyone can peer right in to see who's on the shitter) and it's caused a domino effect where the stall door at the other end of the line won't close because there's not enough clearance.
The solution to the large gap, of course, was to stick adhesive-backed Velcro to the door and the frame. So you have to Velcro the door shut when you want to use that stall.
The urinals have those automatic flush valves, and one of them has been acting up lately. The solution was to put a plunger in front of it so people wouldn't use it. Of course, some people come in, test the flusher, decide that it's working, and move the plunger away. There is a plunger battle taking place where some people put it back in front of the urinal and other people take it away. Finally, someone just jammed the plunger in the urinal where it has stayed for several weeks. When one of the toilets broke, another plunger appeared and was placed in front of it. I don't know where all these plungers are coming from.
The budget for paper towels has been reduced so drastically that we now get a product that leaves your hands dirtier after using it. Drying your hands leaves a sticky residue on them. But that's ok, because the bathrooms only get restocked once a week on Mondays and by Tuesday morning they're out of paper products anyway.
There was shit smeared on a toilet seat this week. Like, where you sit. I still can't figure that one out.
The bathrooms also seem to have been cut off from the building ventilation return. There's a (hot air) source in the bathroom, but no exhaust. It is never not disgustingly smelly in there.
I could go on.
posted by backseatpilot at 5:59 AM on May 6, 2015 [9 favorites]
Gaps I can live with, but going to a public (mens) cubicle at SFO, first time ever in the US from good old Oz, I was utterly gobsmacked at the size of the damn thing. Like, you could launch a supertanker in there. And the vast quantity of water in it! I'd just come from having water restrictions for years (flushing optional), and seeing "This Environmental Fixture consumes less than 12 gallons of water with every flush" proudly displayed on the beast...* Commencing proceedings, I was sore convinced my man parts were about to float away to Hawaii. How do you people even live?
*memory may be hyperbolic...
posted by prismatic7 at 6:00 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
*memory may be hyperbolic...
posted by prismatic7 at 6:00 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Different restrooms are different. There is a strange amount of spitting in the one at my office on the 8th floor, less so on the 2nd. Also there's a whole lot of mumbling and whispering. Sometimes I pick up odd words and phrases like "resurrection" or "crossbow" or "enhanced species" and really have to wonder what's going through their minds.
Several years ago I had a under-the-wall visit from a child. I was peeing standing up at the time. It could have ended badly.
posted by Foosnark at 6:05 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Several years ago I had a under-the-wall visit from a child. I was peeing standing up at the time. It could have ended badly.
posted by Foosnark at 6:05 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
As for European stalls, when I was at high school I once had to climb over the stall door when the door got stuck. I don't know if a crawlable space under the door would have been easier.
I had to climb over a stuck stall door once, but then it became unstuck when I got my first leg over so it just slowly opened with me sitting on top, as the only other person in the restroom tried very hard to look like they weren't laughing.
posted by jason_steakums at 6:06 AM on May 6, 2015 [26 favorites]
I had to climb over a stuck stall door once, but then it became unstuck when I got my first leg over so it just slowly opened with me sitting on top, as the only other person in the restroom tried very hard to look like they weren't laughing.
posted by jason_steakums at 6:06 AM on May 6, 2015 [26 favorites]
.003% of men pee on children who crawl into their stall.
posted by orme at 6:08 AM on May 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
posted by orme at 6:08 AM on May 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
95% of children who are crawling about on a public bathroom floor would not really be any worse off if they were peed on.
posted by merlynkline at 6:13 AM on May 6, 2015 [25 favorites]
posted by merlynkline at 6:13 AM on May 6, 2015 [25 favorites]
There is a strange amount of spitting in the one at my office on the 8th floor, less so on the 2nd.
I have to ask what are the departments on those floors?
posted by Mr. Yuck at 6:16 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
I have to ask what are the departments on those floors?
posted by Mr. Yuck at 6:16 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
I was visiting my sister and one of her cats always follows me around. I had to go pee real bad and was unable to get the cat out of the bathroom. So here I am, peeing standing up, and guess who jumps up onto the rim of the toilet?
posted by rankfreudlite at 6:21 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by rankfreudlite at 6:21 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
The men's rooms I cannot stand to use are ones with either a.) no doors on the stalls, and/or b.) large communal troughs for peeing in. I can usually manage to relax in the doorless stalls, but the troughs? Just...no...hell no.
Thankfully, those troughs are quickly disappearing, but they still exist in places like the more rural fairgrounds and sports events.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:21 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Thankfully, those troughs are quickly disappearing, but they still exist in places like the more rural fairgrounds and sports events.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:21 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Like, where you sit. I still can't figure that one out.
Hovering.
posted by glasseyes at 6:29 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Hovering.
posted by glasseyes at 6:29 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
The best public loos I was ever in were in Fenwicks, Newcastle-on-Tyne. Marble, gilt, couches, soft lights etc. Mind I've not been in for 30 years though. Breastfeeding wasn't a glimmer of a thought in the design of those loos - but, like the restaurant, you would definitely visit the store whenever you could just to have a go on them.
Staying in the geographical area, a common name for an outhouse up there is a Netty, short form of 'necessary house'. The person whose job it was to clean such a place being known as the 'necessary woman'. And it is a noble and a selfless job.
posted by glasseyes at 6:38 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Staying in the geographical area, a common name for an outhouse up there is a Netty, short form of 'necessary house'. The person whose job it was to clean such a place being known as the 'necessary woman'. And it is a noble and a selfless job.
posted by glasseyes at 6:38 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
The best public loos I was ever in were in Fenwicks, Newcastle-on-Tyne.
...And the worst one I ever used was in East Berlin in 1988.
I had never seen a bathroom attendant before, and the old lady lurking in the underground bathroom was straight out of a Bros. Grimm gingerbread cottage. *shudder* My friend and I managed hasty pees before we fled back to life and light and air, but his dad emerged cheerfully a few moments later. He showed off what we thought was brownish-pink construction paper but which he proudly announced was Communist toilet paper.
"Tear down this wall, Mister Gorbachev" -- and put up some decent goddamn bathrooms while you're at it.
posted by wenestvedt at 6:43 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
...And the worst one I ever used was in East Berlin in 1988.
I had never seen a bathroom attendant before, and the old lady lurking in the underground bathroom was straight out of a Bros. Grimm gingerbread cottage. *shudder* My friend and I managed hasty pees before we fled back to life and light and air, but his dad emerged cheerfully a few moments later. He showed off what we thought was brownish-pink construction paper but which he proudly announced was Communist toilet paper.
"Tear down this wall, Mister Gorbachev" -- and put up some decent goddamn bathrooms while you're at it.
posted by wenestvedt at 6:43 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
Thorzdad: "Thankfully, those troughs are quickly disappearing, but they still exist in places like the more rural fairgrounds and sports events."
And Wrigley Field, which is undergoing massive renovations but keeping the troughs because fans revolted when Wrigley proposed removing them.
Everyone hates them and thinks they're gross but BY GOD it's tradition. I've heard multiple men wax poetic about "the first time I took my son to pee in the troughs ..."
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:52 AM on May 6, 2015 [6 favorites]
And Wrigley Field, which is undergoing massive renovations but keeping the troughs because fans revolted when Wrigley proposed removing them.
Everyone hates them and thinks they're gross but BY GOD it's tradition. I've heard multiple men wax poetic about "the first time I took my son to pee in the troughs ..."
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:52 AM on May 6, 2015 [6 favorites]
Childish question but is the fart-then-pee something that is restricted to women? I don't do this but whenever I am in the lav, I hear other women doing this all the time. My mum does it. I have never heard my dad do this unless he's a silent wafter and I simply haven't heard them.
I would like to see urinals in the women's toilets. It would be easier. No disgusting door to touch and no used tampons to see lying around. I'm sure there's a technique. I pee standing up already but ... how to aim at something like a urinal?!
And yes, the swimming pool sized amount of toilet water in American toilets is frightening. I have never been so scared to take a dump in my life. It's like a game.
posted by ihaveyourfoot at 6:53 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I would like to see urinals in the women's toilets. It would be easier. No disgusting door to touch and no used tampons to see lying around. I'm sure there's a technique. I pee standing up already but ... how to aim at something like a urinal?!
And yes, the swimming pool sized amount of toilet water in American toilets is frightening. I have never been so scared to take a dump in my life. It's like a game.
posted by ihaveyourfoot at 6:53 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Never mind the door gap, I'm tired of stall "doors" that don't lock. So much so that I tried out for a reality TV show with a gadget to fix that problem I didn't even get in any b-roll but it was fun.
posted by tilde at 6:54 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
posted by tilde at 6:54 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
Only 2% of women say they sit directly on the toilet seat?
Yet 98% complain if the seat isn't down.
posted by Segundus at 6:55 AM on May 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
Yet 98% complain if the seat isn't down.
posted by Segundus at 6:55 AM on May 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
What on earth do the remaining 13 percent do?
They sometimes have these little...like toilet condoms? in women's rooms. They are a piece of paper shaped exactly like the seat, with a 'tongue' that goes down into the bowl itself, so you can sit on that and pee without ever touching the seat, then flush without ever touching that piece of paper again.
posted by corb at 6:56 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
They sometimes have these little...like toilet condoms? in women's rooms. They are a piece of paper shaped exactly like the seat, with a 'tongue' that goes down into the bowl itself, so you can sit on that and pee without ever touching the seat, then flush without ever touching that piece of paper again.
posted by corb at 6:56 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
The big gaps at top and bottom are bad, but it's the narrow gap down the edge of the door that really bothers me in American public toilets
I myself would prefer no gaps and some sort of red/green flag that indicates whether a stall is occupied, but until then, a brief, non-eye-contact glimpse through the gap saves me trying to open a door when someone's in there. Because I hate bending down to look for feet, because bathroom floors are gross and also I don't want to see anyone's underthings around their ankles.
posted by emjaybee at 6:56 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I myself would prefer no gaps and some sort of red/green flag that indicates whether a stall is occupied, but until then, a brief, non-eye-contact glimpse through the gap saves me trying to open a door when someone's in there. Because I hate bending down to look for feet, because bathroom floors are gross and also I don't want to see anyone's underthings around their ankles.
posted by emjaybee at 6:56 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
backseatpilot: "I always enjoy these threads because I can be the one to come in and show you It Can Always Be Worse."
So do I. Everytime we have to deal with substandard public toilets, my wife, who was in the USSR a long time ago, tells the story of this single toilet with no door, and of the long queue awaiting in front of the user. Apparently, she thought you could expect something different in the largest store in the country (the Gum), opposite the Kremlin.
Worth reading, the beginning (that's not the only merit of the book, of course) of Sorj Chalandon's novel The Traitor, wherein the narrator is lectured about the right (manlier) way of taking a leak in a pub toilet.
posted by nicolin at 6:59 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
So do I. Everytime we have to deal with substandard public toilets, my wife, who was in the USSR a long time ago, tells the story of this single toilet with no door, and of the long queue awaiting in front of the user. Apparently, she thought you could expect something different in the largest store in the country (the Gum), opposite the Kremlin.
Worth reading, the beginning (that's not the only merit of the book, of course) of Sorj Chalandon's novel The Traitor, wherein the narrator is lectured about the right (manlier) way of taking a leak in a pub toilet.
posted by nicolin at 6:59 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Bombay Airport, 1986. How did that shit get up there? I'm not even talking about what was in the bowl, or even on the walls, (ZOMG), but how does someone get shit on the actual roof? And why should I give the attendant a tip on the way out?
posted by Wolof at 7:00 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by Wolof at 7:00 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Usually stall doors will hang slightly ajar when they're not locked so that you can tell that they're unoccupied but our office's hang shut even when they're unlocked so people end up having to try the door while someone's in there.
posted by octothorpe at 7:01 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by octothorpe at 7:01 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
With two-roll dispensers — the industry standard — both rolls often go empty at about the same time. That’s because, according to one mathematician, humanity is divided just about evenly between what he calls big-choosers and little-choosers. Big-choosers always take toilet paper from the larger roll; little-choosers always do the opposite.
The big-choosers are the problem there; with little-choosers, once a roll is noticeably smaller, it will get used preferentially until it is gone, leaving a large roll to use until someone refills the dispenser. With big-choosers, the paper will be taken from the bigger roll until it becomes smaller, then the other roll, switching back and forth until both rolls get used up at about the same time, potentially stranding someone. Remember, when it comes to toilet paper, think small, people!
posted by TedW at 7:06 AM on May 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
The big-choosers are the problem there; with little-choosers, once a roll is noticeably smaller, it will get used preferentially until it is gone, leaving a large roll to use until someone refills the dispenser. With big-choosers, the paper will be taken from the bigger roll until it becomes smaller, then the other roll, switching back and forth until both rolls get used up at about the same time, potentially stranding someone. Remember, when it comes to toilet paper, think small, people!
posted by TedW at 7:06 AM on May 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
one of the earliest and longest-lasting life lessons i learned was to never ever commence using the toilet without first not just checking the roll but already having a wad of paper in your hands.
posted by poffin boffin at 7:12 AM on May 6, 2015 [9 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 7:12 AM on May 6, 2015 [9 favorites]
This could just be folklore but I always heard that in older buildings, the women's room usually had an area with couches and stuff because it was a fainting room for back when corsets were all the rage.
I have 2 worst bathroom stories. One is in Houston, at some gas station where we stopped as kids so we could pee. There was a professionally made sign in the bathroom stating "Please do not rub animal feces on the walls". I always wondered if they had to get it specially made or if they just pulled it out of a catalog or something, which led to me wondering why so many people were smearing their dog poop everywhere.
The other is the Clermont in Atlanta. There is only ONE (yes only one) women's toilet. The poor working girls/strippers dont even have their own toilet. The wait is forever, but in the small foyer, the women definitely made it a fun party. You are also encouraged to double up to save time if you came in with a friend.
posted by LizBoBiz at 7:18 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
I have 2 worst bathroom stories. One is in Houston, at some gas station where we stopped as kids so we could pee. There was a professionally made sign in the bathroom stating "Please do not rub animal feces on the walls". I always wondered if they had to get it specially made or if they just pulled it out of a catalog or something, which led to me wondering why so many people were smearing their dog poop everywhere.
The other is the Clermont in Atlanta. There is only ONE (yes only one) women's toilet. The poor working girls/strippers dont even have their own toilet. The wait is forever, but in the small foyer, the women definitely made it a fun party. You are also encouraged to double up to save time if you came in with a friend.
posted by LizBoBiz at 7:18 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
This could just be folklore but I always heard that in older buildings, the women's room usually had an area with couches and stuff because it was a fainting room for back when corsets were all the rage.
I remember department stores with couches and three way mirrors in the "lounge" area of the ladies' rooms. I even remember makeup tables in a lounge area as well, with chairs and waste baskets and mirrors and counter tops.
posted by tilde at 7:21 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I remember department stores with couches and three way mirrors in the "lounge" area of the ladies' rooms. I even remember makeup tables in a lounge area as well, with chairs and waste baskets and mirrors and counter tops.
posted by tilde at 7:21 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Why, for example, is talking generally frowned upon?
BECAUSE I'M HOLDING MY COCK. And the list of people I'm okay with talking to whilst holding my cock is as follows:
(1) My wife
(2) Medical professionals having to deal with my cock for professional medical purposes
(3) Possibly people trying to give me astronomical sums of money
What really bothers me is that two squares of TP is the average for men.
I expect they measured that by looking at how many men went into a stall before X squares were used up. But some of those men went into the stall to pee and so didn't use any squares.
But what's even more puzzling is the huge barrier between urinal bowls, especially in las vegas.
Why wouldn't you want a little more privacy if it's easily obtainable?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:23 AM on May 6, 2015 [10 favorites]
BECAUSE I'M HOLDING MY COCK. And the list of people I'm okay with talking to whilst holding my cock is as follows:
(1) My wife
(2) Medical professionals having to deal with my cock for professional medical purposes
(3) Possibly people trying to give me astronomical sums of money
What really bothers me is that two squares of TP is the average for men.
I expect they measured that by looking at how many men went into a stall before X squares were used up. But some of those men went into the stall to pee and so didn't use any squares.
But what's even more puzzling is the huge barrier between urinal bowls, especially in las vegas.
Why wouldn't you want a little more privacy if it's easily obtainable?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:23 AM on May 6, 2015 [10 favorites]
I expect they measured that by looking at how many men went into a stall before X squares were used up. But some of those men went into the stall to pee and so didn't use any squares.
THAT IS PART OF THE PROBLEM, OH MY GOD. YOU WIPE YOURSELF NO MATTER WHAT DISGUSTING BODILY WASTE YOU ARE VOIDING.
*horrorface*
posted by sciatrix at 7:25 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
THAT IS PART OF THE PROBLEM, OH MY GOD. YOU WIPE YOURSELF NO MATTER WHAT DISGUSTING BODILY WASTE YOU ARE VOIDING.
*horrorface*
posted by sciatrix at 7:25 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
this is going to be like that horrifying "how many people pee in the shower" thread, isn't it
posted by sciatrix at 7:26 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by sciatrix at 7:26 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Remember the big steel troughs at Dodgers' Stadium?
Absolutely a rite of passage a young man's first piss there.
posted by notyou at 7:31 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Absolutely a rite of passage a young man's first piss there.
posted by notyou at 7:31 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Late 2009, we were leaving China after 2 years. We'd been in Beijing for a couple weeks trying to sort out Russian visas, but we were finally leaving that afternoon. That morning, we were in a DVD shop in a hutong (little alleyway network) trying to score some final deals when I felt a familiar rumbling. I ducked out of the shop and found the local shared toilet. I apologized my way past the woman leaning in the open doorway, who was chatting with her friend, who was squatting over the trough that went down the middle of the room, taking a shit. I walked past her, toward the end of the trough (away from the door where people were walking by) and did what I needed to do, facing the back of the other pooping woman and avoiding looking at either of them.
This moment is huge in my mind, because it sort of represents for me how much I'd grown up from when I first moved to China all scared and lonely. I had become an adult who could do what needed to be done, even if that meant pooping in front of strangers.
I have grosser stories about those fucking troughs (In a train station. In a kindergarten holding the door shut to keep a classroom of children out. In an unlit, unreasonably large shed behind the restaurant at night.), but that's the most important bathroom story in my life.
posted by MsDaniB at 7:34 AM on May 6, 2015 [8 favorites]
This moment is huge in my mind, because it sort of represents for me how much I'd grown up from when I first moved to China all scared and lonely. I had become an adult who could do what needed to be done, even if that meant pooping in front of strangers.
I have grosser stories about those fucking troughs (In a train station. In a kindergarten holding the door shut to keep a classroom of children out. In an unlit, unreasonably large shed behind the restaurant at night.), but that's the most important bathroom story in my life.
posted by MsDaniB at 7:34 AM on May 6, 2015 [8 favorites]
It still makes me happy every time I see a sign asking men to sit down when they need to pee
posted by frimble at 7:34 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by frimble at 7:34 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
THAT IS PART OF THE PROBLEM, OH MY GOD. YOU WIPE YOURSELF NO MATTER WHAT DISGUSTING BODILY WASTE YOU ARE VOIDING.
Um, you know that urinals have no toilet paper, right?
posted by octothorpe at 7:38 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
Um, you know that urinals have no toilet paper, right?
posted by octothorpe at 7:38 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
When s woman breaks convention and enters a men's room, she's universally hailed as a goddamn conquering hero. When a man enters a women's room, he should be rightly shot on sight.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 7:38 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 7:38 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
100% of the men I've seen in women's bathrooms are janitors working. Which is OK with me because stalls have doors.
posted by sukeban at 7:41 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by sukeban at 7:41 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Marshall Fields in downtown Chicago, 1968. I thought the women's room was the entrance to a palace. I knew what marble was because my mom sculpted. I had never seen so much of it.
My son sits to pee because I remember the things that can happen and I don't want the surprises I gave my parents. That hole at the end of a penis is not round. Urine can fly out in any direction or just mist for a bit and you need years of experience to be accurate.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 7:47 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
My son sits to pee because I remember the things that can happen and I don't want the surprises I gave my parents. That hole at the end of a penis is not round. Urine can fly out in any direction or just mist for a bit and you need years of experience to be accurate.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 7:47 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Great, Mr. Yuck. Now I have the phrase, "Play Misty for me" in my head. And the song.
posted by tilde at 7:49 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by tilde at 7:49 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Troughs at Wrigley.
Top 10 Urinals.
Fancy Victorian urinals
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:53 AM on May 6, 2015
Top 10 Urinals.
Fancy Victorian urinals
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:53 AM on May 6, 2015
Many modern American institutional bathrooms have both: 1) stalls that don't come within a foot of the floor and 2) stone or tile floors polished to a perfect mirror finish, so you can see the person in the stall next door pretty clearly.
Why? Who thought this was a good idea? Why do they keep building more facilities like this, now that the badness of the idea has been established?
posted by Western Infidels at 7:54 AM on May 6, 2015
Why? Who thought this was a good idea? Why do they keep building more facilities like this, now that the badness of the idea has been established?
posted by Western Infidels at 7:54 AM on May 6, 2015
I designed the acceptable behavior posters for a high school, to go up in the various areas of the school. When it came to the bathroom posters, it was Madison Avenue, whoa, no red, yellow or brown used in the graphics, all light, clean colors, and no discussion about what one does in the bathroom, only what one doesn't do, yet all positive messages. I laughed my head off through the whole process at the impossibilities of speech. (Yeah if only my head had stayed off.)
posted by Oyéah at 8:01 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by Oyéah at 8:01 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
One of the nicest bathrooms I've used in Germany was, of all places, at a highway rest stop at the Bavarian/Thuringian border. Wood-paneled, pristine, nature prints on the walls. Inside the stalls, facing you when you sit, are signs saying, more or less, "Don't you like how nice our bathrooms are? Aren't they clean? Keeping them this way is what your bathroom fee goes toward."
On the other hand, I still associate free public toilets in Germany with the feeling that I'm about to regret my decision to go in there.
posted by frimble at 8:13 AM on May 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
On the other hand, I still associate free public toilets in Germany with the feeling that I'm about to regret my decision to go in there.
posted by frimble at 8:13 AM on May 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
Communal troughs can cause problems!
So can industrial sinks. A field engineer I worked with was legendary at a North Carolina Goodyear plant because he mistook one for a urinal. During a shift.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:21 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
So can industrial sinks. A field engineer I worked with was legendary at a North Carolina Goodyear plant because he mistook one for a urinal. During a shift.
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:21 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
Why? Who thought this was a good idea
Presumably so the guards can check under the doors to make sure nobody's lurking in the bathroom after hours.
Has nobody here read From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler?
posted by suelac at 8:22 AM on May 6, 2015 [8 favorites]
Presumably so the guards can check under the doors to make sure nobody's lurking in the bathroom after hours.
Has nobody here read From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler?
posted by suelac at 8:22 AM on May 6, 2015 [8 favorites]
ManyLeggedCreature: It's hard to maintain the illusion of privacy when you can actually see people outside the stall, plus I'm always scared I'll accidentally make eye contact with someone, which seems like it must be the ultimate breach of ladies' room etiquette.
As MsDaniB also indicated above, the shit troughs in China are a permanent full-on breach of all known western lavatory etiquette since the dawn of time
The legs akimbo crouch in rural or semi rural China where there is a busy shared public trough toilet means that accidentally only making eye contact with a fellow shitter is actually as good as it gets. (I'm trying not to be indecently vivid, but I may have achieved an impenetrably coy description there!)
posted by Jody Tresidder at 8:27 AM on May 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
As MsDaniB also indicated above, the shit troughs in China are a permanent full-on breach of all known western lavatory etiquette since the dawn of time
The legs akimbo crouch in rural or semi rural China where there is a busy shared public trough toilet means that accidentally only making eye contact with a fellow shitter is actually as good as it gets. (I'm trying not to be indecently vivid, but I may have achieved an impenetrably coy description there!)
posted by Jody Tresidder at 8:27 AM on May 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
I wish I understood why that industrial sink thing isn't a urinal.
posted by glasseyes at 8:31 AM on May 6, 2015
posted by glasseyes at 8:31 AM on May 6, 2015
I remember that Isaac Asimov had this as a plot point in The Caves of Steel. Men don't talk in the "privy." R. Daneel Olivaw didn't seem to know this. Therefore: robot!
posted by SPrintF at 8:45 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
posted by SPrintF at 8:45 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
THAT IS PART OF THE PROBLEM, OH MY GOD. YOU WIPE YOURSELF NO MATTER WHAT DISGUSTING BODILY WASTE YOU ARE VOIDING.
I'm actually a little confused/curious. Did you think that men usually wipe their dicks with toilet paper after urinating?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:56 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
I'm actually a little confused/curious. Did you think that men usually wipe their dicks with toilet paper after urinating?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:56 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
About the old ladies lounge thing: In Massachusetts, and presumably other states, there used to be a building code or some other regulatory requirement that ladies rooms in places of employment and such be outfitted with a couch or two. For that time of the month, is what I was told. StraightDope discussion on this. It's still in the code in Pennsylvania. And probably elsewhere.
posted by beagle at 9:05 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by beagle at 9:05 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Three things:
1) The British TV critic Nancy Banks-Smith once remarked: "If you have to hold the toilet door shut with your foot, it's modern architecture".
2) At The Barbican Centre in London once, a hard-pressed girl in her twenties burst into the Gents because she was desperate to pee. The guy at the urinal next to me turned round, looked her straight in the eye and asked: "You window shopping, love?"
3) There's a fashion for long trough-stile sinks in the lavatories at London's smaller modern theatres at the moment, made out of stainless steel and set quite low on the wall. First time I saw one, I had my zipper half down before I thought, "Hang on are those taps?"
posted by Paul Slade at 9:08 AM on May 6, 2015 [8 favorites]
1) The British TV critic Nancy Banks-Smith once remarked: "If you have to hold the toilet door shut with your foot, it's modern architecture".
2) At The Barbican Centre in London once, a hard-pressed girl in her twenties burst into the Gents because she was desperate to pee. The guy at the urinal next to me turned round, looked her straight in the eye and asked: "You window shopping, love?"
3) There's a fashion for long trough-stile sinks in the lavatories at London's smaller modern theatres at the moment, made out of stainless steel and set quite low on the wall. First time I saw one, I had my zipper half down before I thought, "Hang on are those taps?"
posted by Paul Slade at 9:08 AM on May 6, 2015 [8 favorites]
Why, for example, is talking generally frowned upon?
BECAUSE I'M HOLDING MY COCK.
I'd be quite happy to talk while holding my cock if there was some good reason for me to be holding my cock when a conversational opportunity arose. The reason I wish there was a rule of absolute monastic silence in the men's room is simply because I have a shy bladder that just will. not. pee if I can't conjure up the illusion of being alone in my own little inviolable corner. There are times when even if I'm in one of the stalls with the door closed and a conversation starts up outside that I just have to give up and wait for a new opportunity. This is something over which I have no conscious control whatsoever; no part of my conscious mind gives a damn whether someone is standing beside me watching with fascinated awe at my micturational prowess--but something deeply rooted in my lizard brain thinks "peeing-time is vulnerable-to-attack time" or something and just shuts off the waterworks. By and large, unless I'm absolutely busting I don't use the urinals unless I'm the only person in the room.
posted by yoink at 9:08 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
BECAUSE I'M HOLDING MY COCK.
I'd be quite happy to talk while holding my cock if there was some good reason for me to be holding my cock when a conversational opportunity arose. The reason I wish there was a rule of absolute monastic silence in the men's room is simply because I have a shy bladder that just will. not. pee if I can't conjure up the illusion of being alone in my own little inviolable corner. There are times when even if I'm in one of the stalls with the door closed and a conversation starts up outside that I just have to give up and wait for a new opportunity. This is something over which I have no conscious control whatsoever; no part of my conscious mind gives a damn whether someone is standing beside me watching with fascinated awe at my micturational prowess--but something deeply rooted in my lizard brain thinks "peeing-time is vulnerable-to-attack time" or something and just shuts off the waterworks. By and large, unless I'm absolutely busting I don't use the urinals unless I'm the only person in the room.
posted by yoink at 9:08 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Hold your breath, yoink.
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:12 AM on May 6, 2015
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:12 AM on May 6, 2015
On the other hand, I still associate free public toilets in Germany with the feeling that I'm about to regret my decision to go in there.
About 15 years ago, I was on a group trip through Germany and we spent a day and night in Nuremburg. We spent that time in the Altstadt (the medieval fort/castle/town) and so of course, I had to use the bathroom. Walking into the men's room, I didn't see any toilets or urinals or any other kind of fixture; just an open room with tiled walls. I wander out and around to make sure that I'm actually in the right place. As I was doing this, another man walks in and proceeds to pinkel on the wall. I then noticed the small gutter and drain at the bottom of the wall and became enlightened.
Troughs have nothing on THE WALL. I'm going back to Germany this summer and I'm tempted to go find this bathroom to see if it's still the same.
posted by bonje at 9:17 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
About 15 years ago, I was on a group trip through Germany and we spent a day and night in Nuremburg. We spent that time in the Altstadt (the medieval fort/castle/town) and so of course, I had to use the bathroom. Walking into the men's room, I didn't see any toilets or urinals or any other kind of fixture; just an open room with tiled walls. I wander out and around to make sure that I'm actually in the right place. As I was doing this, another man walks in and proceeds to pinkel on the wall. I then noticed the small gutter and drain at the bottom of the wall and became enlightened.
Troughs have nothing on THE WALL. I'm going back to Germany this summer and I'm tempted to go find this bathroom to see if it's still the same.
posted by bonje at 9:17 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
Hold your breath, yoink.
O.K., I'm holding my breath. What next?
Prize bull octorok?
You there?
You fjglh...
posted by yoink at 9:18 AM on May 6, 2015 [9 favorites]
O.K., I'm holding my breath. What next?
Prize bull octorok?
You there?
You fjglh...
posted by yoink at 9:18 AM on May 6, 2015 [9 favorites]
Old ladies' lounge?! OLD LADIES' LOUNGE??! Young ladies lounge too, you know.
posted by glasseyes at 9:24 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by glasseyes at 9:24 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Uh oh. Maybe I should have elaborated. Holding your breath overrides pee-lock.
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:26 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by prize bull octorok at 9:26 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
He'll figure that out himself when he wakes up.
posted by frimble at 9:29 AM on May 6, 2015 [11 favorites]
posted by frimble at 9:29 AM on May 6, 2015 [11 favorites]
yoink: " I have a shy bladder that just will. not. pee if I can't conjure up the illusion of being alone in my own little inviolable corner. There are times when even if I'm in one of the stalls with the door closed and a conversation starts up outside that I just have to give up and wait for a new opportunity"
When my children were both toddlers at the same time, every time I tried to go to the bathroom, they'd try to murder each other and I'd have to stop peeing, leap up, and race out of the bathroom to stop it. If I took one in the bathroom with me and locked the other one out, the locked-out one would bang on the door and sob the whole time, which made me unable to pee. If I took them both in the bathroom with me, they'd try to murder each other in the bathroom with all that hard porcelain to bang each others' heads on, and I couldn't pee. The upshot was, I started holding it 10 hours a day while my husband was at work because I got so that I couldn't relax enough to pee because my subconscious was so convinced that if I started to pee, my children would interrupt me, and I ended up with a terrible bladder infection.
And now I also have to just give up and come back later if someone comes in the bathroom and starts talking when I'm trying to pee. My children have far too successfully trained my bladder.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:31 AM on May 6, 2015 [8 favorites]
When my children were both toddlers at the same time, every time I tried to go to the bathroom, they'd try to murder each other and I'd have to stop peeing, leap up, and race out of the bathroom to stop it. If I took one in the bathroom with me and locked the other one out, the locked-out one would bang on the door and sob the whole time, which made me unable to pee. If I took them both in the bathroom with me, they'd try to murder each other in the bathroom with all that hard porcelain to bang each others' heads on, and I couldn't pee. The upshot was, I started holding it 10 hours a day while my husband was at work because I got so that I couldn't relax enough to pee because my subconscious was so convinced that if I started to pee, my children would interrupt me, and I ended up with a terrible bladder infection.
And now I also have to just give up and come back later if someone comes in the bathroom and starts talking when I'm trying to pee. My children have far too successfully trained my bladder.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:31 AM on May 6, 2015 [8 favorites]
FUCKING HOVERERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by tickingclock at 9:39 AM on May 6, 2015 [10 favorites]
posted by tickingclock at 9:39 AM on May 6, 2015 [10 favorites]
So, NYC marathon story:
Pre-marathon, there was the longest urinal in the world. I think that was part of the carnival, "Come see the largest urinal in the world" and men happily had their cocks out in the air, relieving themselves.
The women had the porto-sans. And we had been in line for god knows how fucking long when somebody announced that somebody had sort of exploded in there.
And then when we got to the first overpass of the race, men were peeing over the side of the overpass.
It was the only time that I know about that I had penis envy.
posted by angrycat at 9:42 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
Pre-marathon, there was the longest urinal in the world. I think that was part of the carnival, "Come see the largest urinal in the world" and men happily had their cocks out in the air, relieving themselves.
The women had the porto-sans. And we had been in line for god knows how fucking long when somebody announced that somebody had sort of exploded in there.
And then when we got to the first overpass of the race, men were peeing over the side of the overpass.
It was the only time that I know about that I had penis envy.
posted by angrycat at 9:42 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
That breath-holding advice led me off to Google and that, in turn, led me to the "IPA" or International Paruresis Association (motto: "Our mission is for a paruresis-free world. Until then, people with shy bladder will live life to the fullest").
On the other hand, what they say about the breath-holding technique (which they recommend, though with the caveat that it doesn't work for everyone) doesn't make it sound like a panacea:
And then there's this:
Still, I'll give it a go; thanks for the suggestion. Apparently you're supposed to breathe out about 75% before you start holding your breath, so the CO2 buildup starts happening pretty quickly.
posted by yoink at 9:49 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
On the other hand, what they say about the breath-holding technique (which they recommend, though with the caveat that it doesn't work for everyone) doesn't make it sound like a panacea:
Most people report they can urinate after around 45 to 60 seconds of breath holding. That’s a long time, but if you are healthy it’s not dangerously long.There is a kind of feedback-anxiety-loop thing with shy bladder which is that you're standing at the urinal waiting to pee, and you're aware that people are waiting for their turn, which makes you more self-conscious about the not-peeing and the people you're holding up by not-peeing etc. etc. I'm not sure that a "solution" that involves standing there for a full minute before you pee is exactly the silver-bullet I was hoping for.
And then there's this:
*There is one side effect of the technique, which is that it can also relax the anal sphincter. So, if a person needs to deal with that, visit a stall and take care of #2 before practicing at urinals.Hmmmmm.
Still, I'll give it a go; thanks for the suggestion. Apparently you're supposed to breathe out about 75% before you start holding your breath, so the CO2 buildup starts happening pretty quickly.
posted by yoink at 9:49 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
This seems appropriate: the waterfall urinal at the Madonna Inn.
The main problem with the waterfall urinal at the Madonna Inn, is that you really can't use it, what with all the guys bringing their wives and girlfriends: to show it off.
posted by happyroach at 9:55 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
The main problem with the waterfall urinal at the Madonna Inn, is that you really can't use it, what with all the guys bringing their wives and girlfriends: to show it off.
posted by happyroach at 9:55 AM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
I remember department stores with couches and three way mirrors in the "lounge" area of the ladies' rooms. I even remember makeup tables in a lounge area as well, with chairs and waste baskets and mirrors and counter tops.
posted by tilde at 7:21 AM on May 6 [+] [!]
The Macy's and Bloomingdale's in SF have really nice lounge areas just like this. The Bloomie's ladies room is pretty close to the street access; I have no idea how it's not overrun with people. I pop in and use it whenever I need a restroom and I'm in the area. I've also breastfed an infant on one of the upholstered chairs. That was a godsend when my son was tiny, wanted to nurse constantly, and I wanted some privacy but didn't want to be in my own home all day long.
posted by JenMarie at 9:59 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by tilde at 7:21 AM on May 6 [+] [!]
The Macy's and Bloomingdale's in SF have really nice lounge areas just like this. The Bloomie's ladies room is pretty close to the street access; I have no idea how it's not overrun with people. I pop in and use it whenever I need a restroom and I'm in the area. I've also breastfed an infant on one of the upholstered chairs. That was a godsend when my son was tiny, wanted to nurse constantly, and I wanted some privacy but didn't want to be in my own home all day long.
posted by JenMarie at 9:59 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Most people report they can urinate after around 45 to 60 seconds of breath holding.
That seems pretty high, but if they're surveying people who identify as having legit paruresis, that might explain it.
This seems appropriate: the waterfall urinal at the Madonna Inn.
This is why it's always better to drive home from LA on the 101 instead of the 5: you hit San Luis Obispo right around the time everybody needs a bathroom break, and you get to stop here instead of Denny's.
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:13 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
That seems pretty high, but if they're surveying people who identify as having legit paruresis, that might explain it.
This seems appropriate: the waterfall urinal at the Madonna Inn.
This is why it's always better to drive home from LA on the 101 instead of the 5: you hit San Luis Obispo right around the time everybody needs a bathroom break, and you get to stop here instead of Denny's.
posted by prize bull octorok at 10:13 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
With two-roll dispensers — the industry standard — both rolls often go empty at about the same time. That’s because, according to one mathematician, humanity is divided just about evenly between what he calls big-choosers and little-choosers. Big-choosers always take toilet paper from the larger roll; little-choosers always do the opposite.
I don't understand the math here. If both rolls start out the same size, I guess people just choose randomly until one is noticeably bigger than the other. At that point, if 50% of the people take from the bigger roll and 50% of the people take from the smaller roll, won't the smaller roll run out before the big one does?
posted by layceepee at 10:37 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I don't understand the math here. If both rolls start out the same size, I guess people just choose randomly until one is noticeably bigger than the other. At that point, if 50% of the people take from the bigger roll and 50% of the people take from the smaller roll, won't the smaller roll run out before the big one does?
posted by layceepee at 10:37 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I was surprised to see that women are less likely to have pee-shyness because of how often there is a line of people dancing around outside listening for you to hurry up and pee.
I overcame pee-shyness by whispering a secret word to myself in comfortable peeing situations, which I could then use to tell myself that it was okay to pee in uncomfortable situations.
I will never tell you my secret word, but I will tell you that I have heard it in other situations and not spontaneously peed myself, so I recommend this method.
posted by MsDaniB at 10:38 AM on May 6, 2015 [11 favorites]
I overcame pee-shyness by whispering a secret word to myself in comfortable peeing situations, which I could then use to tell myself that it was okay to pee in uncomfortable situations.
I will never tell you my secret word, but I will tell you that I have heard it in other situations and not spontaneously peed myself, so I recommend this method.
posted by MsDaniB at 10:38 AM on May 6, 2015 [11 favorites]
The main problem with the waterfall urinal at the Madonna Inn, is that you really can't use it, what with all the guys bringing their wives and girlfriends: to show it off.
Ha, yes! I went in to look at it myself.
My bathroom story of the day - I walked by the men's room this morning at work and the custodian had left the door propped open. I noticed each stall had a big sign posted on the door. This made me curious as I know there are no signs on the stalls in the women's room. On my way back, I was still curious so I ducked in real quick and the signs said, "Please DO NOT steal the toilet paper from the bathroom."
So apparently, guys in the building have been stealing enough of those big wheels of t.p. to merit big old "quit it" signs from the custodians. Weirdos.
The first guy I lived with complained to me once about how much more toilet paper I used than former guy roommates and couldn't I stop and I was like 1) no, mind your own business and 2) I have labial folds to dry every single time I pee so fuck you.
posted by Squeak Attack at 10:46 AM on May 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
Ha, yes! I went in to look at it myself.
My bathroom story of the day - I walked by the men's room this morning at work and the custodian had left the door propped open. I noticed each stall had a big sign posted on the door. This made me curious as I know there are no signs on the stalls in the women's room. On my way back, I was still curious so I ducked in real quick and the signs said, "Please DO NOT steal the toilet paper from the bathroom."
So apparently, guys in the building have been stealing enough of those big wheels of t.p. to merit big old "quit it" signs from the custodians. Weirdos.
The first guy I lived with complained to me once about how much more toilet paper I used than former guy roommates and couldn't I stop and I was like 1) no, mind your own business and 2) I have labial folds to dry every single time I pee so fuck you.
posted by Squeak Attack at 10:46 AM on May 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
One thing my wife tells me about women's rooms is that one of the problems with an all-stall system is that it's not immediately clear which stalls are and aren't occupied. She quite often reports with frustration that she has been standing in a line for ages only to discover that there were one or two stalls just sitting there empty with the door closed. Seems like a good argument for making those "vacant/occupied" signs universal.
posted by yoink at 10:47 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by yoink at 10:47 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
While I was in China for a semester, I -mostly- got over my normal bathroom privacy preferences, and adapted to troughs/no barriers/etc. Strangely enough, when I came back to the US, I became much more private than before I left. There are a few of my coworkers that will ALWAYS ask who's in the bathroom when they walk in, then proceed on having a conversation. I hate it. Or the people who are the phone in the next stall. Even worse is the coworker who uses her headset to take business calls in the bathroom... I'd love to say that I'm mature enough to not try to push out as many bathroom sounds as I can muster up when I happen to be in there, but that is not true.
My hands-down weirdest public bathroom experience: In northern China somewhere, I was using a Western-style toilet at a mall. It had a stall door but no lock. It wasn't busy at all, so I was slightly startled when a cleaning lady pushed the door open. I apologized, and moved to try to close the door. She insisted on coming in, swept the floor around me, emptied the garbage can, and then closed the door on her way out.
posted by Fig at 10:48 AM on May 6, 2015 [11 favorites]
My hands-down weirdest public bathroom experience: In northern China somewhere, I was using a Western-style toilet at a mall. It had a stall door but no lock. It wasn't busy at all, so I was slightly startled when a cleaning lady pushed the door open. I apologized, and moved to try to close the door. She insisted on coming in, swept the floor around me, emptied the garbage can, and then closed the door on her way out.
posted by Fig at 10:48 AM on May 6, 2015 [11 favorites]
In that situation, yoink, I check for feet below the stall and if I don't see any, I gently nudge the door with a finger. If the stall is empty, generally it will swing open; if it's closed and I just failed to see a person, it will remain locked.
I have never been in a situation where there was a line for the bathroom and an empty stall that was not filthy in some way, and I've observed several other women when lines were dire trying the nudge test on potentially empty stalls.
posted by sciatrix at 10:49 AM on May 6, 2015
I have never been in a situation where there was a line for the bathroom and an empty stall that was not filthy in some way, and I've observed several other women when lines were dire trying the nudge test on potentially empty stalls.
posted by sciatrix at 10:49 AM on May 6, 2015
At that point, if 50% of the people take from the bigger roll and 50% of the people take from the smaller roll, won't the smaller roll run out before the big one does?
I suppose it's conceivable that people who use large amounts of paper have a tendency to choose the most abundant roll--that might help explain the phenomenon?
More likely, though, it seems to me, is that the two rolls "run out" around the same time because as one roll approaches the end, people tend to avoid it and go for the larger roll. So by the time someone actually pulls the last piece of paper of roll A, roll B will naturally also be approaching the end.
posted by yoink at 10:50 AM on May 6, 2015
I suppose it's conceivable that people who use large amounts of paper have a tendency to choose the most abundant roll--that might help explain the phenomenon?
More likely, though, it seems to me, is that the two rolls "run out" around the same time because as one roll approaches the end, people tend to avoid it and go for the larger roll. So by the time someone actually pulls the last piece of paper of roll A, roll B will naturally also be approaching the end.
posted by yoink at 10:50 AM on May 6, 2015
Is this is a good place to ask why electric hand dryers have gotten so amazingly good recently? I feel like we've taken a quantum leap in the last 7-8 years... XLERATOR, Airblade, eXtremeAir, Smartdri, etc... these are the gifts of a golden age.
posted by theory at 10:51 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by theory at 10:51 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
In that situation, yoink, I check for feet below the stall and if I don't see any, I gently nudge the door with a finger.
Well, again, I'm going by what my wife reports, so I don't have any independent observations to add. She says it happens when a long queue has formed (so you can't just wander in and start testing doors by yourself--you're just waiting to get to the head of the queue and wait for a door to open). If the person at the head of the queue fails to realize there are empty stalls then everyone who comes next has a tendency to assume that all the stalls must be full and that the only way to get a spot is to wait for someone to exit a stall. But maybe we live in an area of particularly door-nudging averse women, for some reason.
posted by yoink at 10:53 AM on May 6, 2015
Well, again, I'm going by what my wife reports, so I don't have any independent observations to add. She says it happens when a long queue has formed (so you can't just wander in and start testing doors by yourself--you're just waiting to get to the head of the queue and wait for a door to open). If the person at the head of the queue fails to realize there are empty stalls then everyone who comes next has a tendency to assume that all the stalls must be full and that the only way to get a spot is to wait for someone to exit a stall. But maybe we live in an area of particularly door-nudging averse women, for some reason.
posted by yoink at 10:53 AM on May 6, 2015
Did you think that men usually wipe their dicks with toilet paper after urinating?
I was out of town for a week during which some crucial toilet training happened and came back to find that my son sits and wipes his dick. Whatever. His mom didn't know any better and her jaw dropped when I told her that there is no paper next to a urinal and shaking is customary. She'd never really thought about it.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 10:53 AM on May 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
I was out of town for a week during which some crucial toilet training happened and came back to find that my son sits and wipes his dick. Whatever. His mom didn't know any better and her jaw dropped when I told her that there is no paper next to a urinal and shaking is customary. She'd never really thought about it.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 10:53 AM on May 6, 2015 [7 favorites]
I spent several springs and summers working in the bush. I lost pretty much any modesty or caring about bathroom privacy. I learned to go anywhere, at anytime and in from or near people of either gender. I won't go out of my way to override the social norms of where ever I am and whoever I might happen to be with but it's for others, not for me.
My search for a good spot to number 2 involved finding the least grimy log or rock to hang my ass over what is considered 'clean' changed. Unless the toilet seat has obviously been dribbled or smeared I'm sitting.
True story: Five of us were trudging through a cut block and walked up a small hill. We were met at the top with the most amazing and beautiful view. The top was also littered with some of the most perfectly sized and spaced logs that were lying at the perfect height off the ground. Long story short: After some conversation at how this was opportunity that shouldn't be passed up, all five of us ended up bared assed, spaced around the hill, doing our thing, chatting and enjoying the awesome view. Might sound weird but it one of my favorite memories from that time.
posted by Jalliah at 10:54 AM on May 6, 2015 [11 favorites]
My search for a good spot to number 2 involved finding the least grimy log or rock to hang my ass over what is considered 'clean' changed. Unless the toilet seat has obviously been dribbled or smeared I'm sitting.
True story: Five of us were trudging through a cut block and walked up a small hill. We were met at the top with the most amazing and beautiful view. The top was also littered with some of the most perfectly sized and spaced logs that were lying at the perfect height off the ground. Long story short: After some conversation at how this was opportunity that shouldn't be passed up, all five of us ended up bared assed, spaced around the hill, doing our thing, chatting and enjoying the awesome view. Might sound weird but it one of my favorite memories from that time.
posted by Jalliah at 10:54 AM on May 6, 2015 [11 favorites]
But, being germ freaks, people at least minimize hand use in the bathroom. According to a survey by a bathroom fixtures company, 64 percent of Americans flush public toilets with their feet, 60 percent open the door handle with toilet paper, 48 percent shut the door with their butt, and 39 percent use elbows whenever possible to avoid hand contact.
Something I'm curious about, but the article didn't address, is which percentage of the population are selfish asshole gemophobes who use half a roll of toilet paper to cover the seat of the toilet so that their pristine ass can touch it, and then leave said ad hoc seat cover on there so it can either half fall into the bowl, or go all the way in and clog up the works.
Or presumably the same gemophobes who refuse to flush the toilet lest they have to have contact with a surface in a bathroom, and therefore just make a disgusting mess for the next stranger who walks into the stall.
posted by codacorolla at 11:04 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Something I'm curious about, but the article didn't address, is which percentage of the population are selfish asshole gemophobes who use half a roll of toilet paper to cover the seat of the toilet so that their pristine ass can touch it, and then leave said ad hoc seat cover on there so it can either half fall into the bowl, or go all the way in and clog up the works.
Or presumably the same gemophobes who refuse to flush the toilet lest they have to have contact with a surface in a bathroom, and therefore just make a disgusting mess for the next stranger who walks into the stall.
posted by codacorolla at 11:04 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
they'd try to murder each other....they'd try to murder each other in the bathroom with all that hard porcelain
*reads above comment to my 2yo*
"This is why you don't have any brothers or sisters honey."
posted by M Edward at 11:05 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
*reads above comment to my 2yo*
"This is why you don't have any brothers or sisters honey."
posted by M Edward at 11:05 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I recently went on vacation in Nicaragua with my sister. Between the two of us we've gotten around a bit, and our last vacation together was to India and Nepal. So there were a lot of little details we didn't research as obsessively as we may have as beginner travelers.
The trip got off to a rough start, with flight delays and massive last-minute itinerary changes. So we were pretty exhausted and slightly worried about the long chain of hastily-planned transportation we had ahead of us when we finally got to our first hotel. My sister looked visibly relieved when she got out of the bathroom.
"Oh! We are going to be FINE. They just have regular toilets around here!"
That said, my favorite bathroom I've ever had the pleasure of using was a squat toilet in Nepal, relatively clean and with a window overlooking a valley in the Himalayas, yaks grazing in the sunlight next to a bubbling stream. Best view in the world.
posted by jeweled accumulation at 11:22 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
The trip got off to a rough start, with flight delays and massive last-minute itinerary changes. So we were pretty exhausted and slightly worried about the long chain of hastily-planned transportation we had ahead of us when we finally got to our first hotel. My sister looked visibly relieved when she got out of the bathroom.
"Oh! We are going to be FINE. They just have regular toilets around here!"
That said, my favorite bathroom I've ever had the pleasure of using was a squat toilet in Nepal, relatively clean and with a window overlooking a valley in the Himalayas, yaks grazing in the sunlight next to a bubbling stream. Best view in the world.
posted by jeweled accumulation at 11:22 AM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
10% of people surveyed said they eat on the bathroom?
Projectile vomiting now.
*wretch*
posted by EndsOfInvention at 11:24 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Projectile vomiting now.
*wretch*
posted by EndsOfInvention at 11:24 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
> NYC marathon story
And another! I was at the side of the route in Queens, carrying a large rainbow-striped golf umbrella so Mr. Corpse could see me and wave as he ran by. A woman who was running the marathon ran up to me and asked me to shelter her, and I used my big umbrella to give her a teeny bit of privacy while she squatted and peed on the sidewalk.
posted by The corpse in the library at 11:37 AM on May 6, 2015 [6 favorites]
And another! I was at the side of the route in Queens, carrying a large rainbow-striped golf umbrella so Mr. Corpse could see me and wave as he ran by. A woman who was running the marathon ran up to me and asked me to shelter her, and I used my big umbrella to give her a teeny bit of privacy while she squatted and peed on the sidewalk.
posted by The corpse in the library at 11:37 AM on May 6, 2015 [6 favorites]
One of the nicest bathrooms I've used in Germany was, of all places, at a highway rest stop at the Bavarian/Thuringian border. Wood-paneled, pristine, nature prints on the walls. Inside the stalls, facing you when you sit, are signs saying, more or less, "Don't you like how nice our bathrooms are? Aren't they clean? Keeping them this way is what your bathroom fee goes toward."
After going on two years living in Germany, I've got to say that the pay toilets here vary from not bad to FANTASTIC. I couldn't see the pay toilet concept ever taking hold back in the States, which is a shame because I think paying ~0,50 EUR for a nice, clean, pristine place to do your business is a pretty good deal. The rest stops are something else I love to rave about (so many of them compared to the US! And all so clean!) but I digress :)
On the other hand, the public restrooms I've seen in the rest of Europe seem to be much more variable (with France probably being the worst - almost every public restroom I used there seemed to be in pretty sad shape, although they were almost consistently free).
posted by photo guy at 11:40 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
After going on two years living in Germany, I've got to say that the pay toilets here vary from not bad to FANTASTIC. I couldn't see the pay toilet concept ever taking hold back in the States, which is a shame because I think paying ~0,50 EUR for a nice, clean, pristine place to do your business is a pretty good deal. The rest stops are something else I love to rave about (so many of them compared to the US! And all so clean!) but I digress :)
On the other hand, the public restrooms I've seen in the rest of Europe seem to be much more variable (with France probably being the worst - almost every public restroom I used there seemed to be in pretty sad shape, although they were almost consistently free).
posted by photo guy at 11:40 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Jalliah: After some conversation at how this was opportunity that shouldn't be passed up, all five of us ended up bared assed, spaced around the hill, doing our thing, chatting and enjoying the awesome view. Might sound weird but it one of my favorite memories from that time.
A friend once took a summer-long canoe trip across the Canadian wilds with one other guy. Afterwords he said that they would have a Scat Chat each night about the beautiful place they had found to "take a Nixon" that day. (Miss you, Scoutmaster Mark!)
posted by wenestvedt at 11:42 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
A friend once took a summer-long canoe trip across the Canadian wilds with one other guy. Afterwords he said that they would have a Scat Chat each night about the beautiful place they had found to "take a Nixon" that day. (Miss you, Scoutmaster Mark!)
posted by wenestvedt at 11:42 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I have also had at least a couple kids reach hands under stall walls and wave at me. I was a nanny in my twenties so this stuff just does not bother me. Kids can be really hilarious and really fucking odd.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 11:43 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 11:43 AM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I'm still hung up on the cocaine on the baby changing stations. I'm hoping it's just one of the situations where trace amounts just get all over the place making the test pointless. I certainly wouldn't want that shit up my nose.
posted by ckape at 11:49 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by ckape at 11:49 AM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Two stories:
First, when I worked at a large, ex-civil service mobile operator in England, my department had a very frank, excellent manager in charge. We all got an e-mail one day describing an anonymous person "building platforms out of toilet roll" leading to flooding, jams, etc. in the jacks.
Except we didn't all get it, it was just the men...aaaand maybe a few women with masculine/ambiguous names. All of whom immediately forwarded it to everyone they knew in the company, both for the content, and the cc list.
The guy in charge had drafted this e-mail, and had his secretary take the department distro list, and remove all the women from it.
They never caught the Phantom Defecator, but he was a legend for years.
Second, a few years later I met a friend in Madrid for a weekend, and we got tickets to see Real play Getafe at the Bernabeu. We both needed the facilities at the half, and, on walking into the men's room, we saw a chest-high, double-sided urinal wall running the length of the room, with two open spaces opposite each other at the very end. We took sides, arrived at the same time, and made the world's most awkward eye-contact, at which point I told him that as much as I loved him, his face was the last thing I wanted to see when I was getting my cock out.
posted by Kreiger at 12:01 PM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
First, when I worked at a large, ex-civil service mobile operator in England, my department had a very frank, excellent manager in charge. We all got an e-mail one day describing an anonymous person "building platforms out of toilet roll" leading to flooding, jams, etc. in the jacks.
Except we didn't all get it, it was just the men...aaaand maybe a few women with masculine/ambiguous names. All of whom immediately forwarded it to everyone they knew in the company, both for the content, and the cc list.
The guy in charge had drafted this e-mail, and had his secretary take the department distro list, and remove all the women from it.
They never caught the Phantom Defecator, but he was a legend for years.
Second, a few years later I met a friend in Madrid for a weekend, and we got tickets to see Real play Getafe at the Bernabeu. We both needed the facilities at the half, and, on walking into the men's room, we saw a chest-high, double-sided urinal wall running the length of the room, with two open spaces opposite each other at the very end. We took sides, arrived at the same time, and made the world's most awkward eye-contact, at which point I told him that as much as I loved him, his face was the last thing I wanted to see when I was getting my cock out.
posted by Kreiger at 12:01 PM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
A woman who was running the marathon ran up to me and asked me to shelter her, and I used my big umbrella to give her a teeny bit of privacy while she squatted and peed on the sidewalk.
It wasn't Paula Radcliffe was it?
posted by Paul Slade at 12:24 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
It wasn't Paula Radcliffe was it?
posted by Paul Slade at 12:24 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I have also had at least a couple kids reach hands under stall walls and wave at me. I was a nanny in my twenties so this stuff just does not bother me. Kids can be really hilarious and really fucking odd.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 11:43 AM on May 6 [+] [!]
It can be so hard to try to pee and keep a toddler from 1) looking under stalls at neighbors, 2) crawling on the floor, 3) licking things. I'm so glad my son is finally starting to outgrow that. I still have to try to keep one hand on him though just in case. The worst are really large individual bathrooms where he can run away from me and unlock the door by pulling down the handle, like he did in Target one day. Trapped on the seat with my pants down and the door open! Plus a giggling toddler. Ugh.
posted by JenMarie at 12:32 PM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 11:43 AM on May 6 [+] [!]
It can be so hard to try to pee and keep a toddler from 1) looking under stalls at neighbors, 2) crawling on the floor, 3) licking things. I'm so glad my son is finally starting to outgrow that. I still have to try to keep one hand on him though just in case. The worst are really large individual bathrooms where he can run away from me and unlock the door by pulling down the handle, like he did in Target one day. Trapped on the seat with my pants down and the door open! Plus a giggling toddler. Ugh.
posted by JenMarie at 12:32 PM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
We all got an e-mail one day describing an anonymous person "building platforms out of toilet roll" leading to flooding, jams, etc. in the jacks.
The GM of my office penned a very blunt email saying that we'd just had plumbers in about the men's toilets AGAIN, and that the frequent clogs were being caused by someone flushing baby wipes down the john (there are no babies in our building, apparently one of the guys has a delicate ass.) This scathing email went out to the entire branch, men and women alike, and we were given a short list of non-flushable items, told that our mothers do not work here and to clean up after ourselves, and advised of the location of the plunger should we create the need for such. It was epic, and much fun was had making a mockery of it. (Not that we didn't agree and appreciate, mind you, but still.)
So for unrelated reasons they are installing one-seater restrooms in the lobby now, and I know from experience behind the reception desk at a former job that employees are going to walk in and out of them carrying the newspaper all day long, and the lobby will constantly smell like fresh dump for our customers. I cannot WAIT for the "no employees shitting in the lobby" email to come out.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 12:50 PM on May 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
The GM of my office penned a very blunt email saying that we'd just had plumbers in about the men's toilets AGAIN, and that the frequent clogs were being caused by someone flushing baby wipes down the john (there are no babies in our building, apparently one of the guys has a delicate ass.) This scathing email went out to the entire branch, men and women alike, and we were given a short list of non-flushable items, told that our mothers do not work here and to clean up after ourselves, and advised of the location of the plunger should we create the need for such. It was epic, and much fun was had making a mockery of it. (Not that we didn't agree and appreciate, mind you, but still.)
So for unrelated reasons they are installing one-seater restrooms in the lobby now, and I know from experience behind the reception desk at a former job that employees are going to walk in and out of them carrying the newspaper all day long, and the lobby will constantly smell like fresh dump for our customers. I cannot WAIT for the "no employees shitting in the lobby" email to come out.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 12:50 PM on May 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
Like, you could launch a supertanker in there.
As euphemisms go, that's right up there with dropping the kids off at the pool.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 1:24 PM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
As euphemisms go, that's right up there with dropping the kids off at the pool.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 1:24 PM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
Jay Cutler doesn't like it when you break the bro code in a bathroom.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:12 PM on May 6, 2015
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:12 PM on May 6, 2015
...told that our mothers do not work here and to clean up after ourselves...
The very first job I had out of university, someone was basically bathing in the bathroom sink. Like, everything soaked, the entire floor covered in one large puddle style. One of the guys in the office got increasingly irate about it, and wound up putting up public-health hand-washing instructional posters.
At the same place, the standards in the men's room got so bad that a friend of mine that would make a regular trip home at lunch rather than shit at work.
posted by Kreiger at 2:19 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
The very first job I had out of university, someone was basically bathing in the bathroom sink. Like, everything soaked, the entire floor covered in one large puddle style. One of the guys in the office got increasingly irate about it, and wound up putting up public-health hand-washing instructional posters.
At the same place, the standards in the men's room got so bad that a friend of mine that would make a regular trip home at lunch rather than shit at work.
posted by Kreiger at 2:19 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Here in Seattle, some public buildings have a new and terrible variant on the american stall. As everywhere else, it starts a foot above the floor, with the standard thin gap around the edges, but then it only goes high enough to block view of the toilet. When you're sitting, about shoulders up are clearly visible to anyone passing by.
I've seen it in the downtown library and also Westlake Mall, I don't know if it's anywhere else. I've used them, but it is not a comfortable experience.
posted by vibratory manner of working at 2:58 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I've seen it in the downtown library and also Westlake Mall, I don't know if it's anywhere else. I've used them, but it is not a comfortable experience.
posted by vibratory manner of working at 2:58 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Childish question but is the fart-then-pee something that is restricted to women?
Men do this, and we do this while standing side-by-side.
Thankfully, those troughs are quickly disappearing, but they still exist in places like the more rural fairgrounds and sports events.
You can tell what kind of a gay bar a gay bar wants to be by how its bathroom is laid out. Troughs usually mean "Hang around a while! You know what you're here for."
(If the men's room is nothing but stalls, it means "Have fun standing in line waiting to pee while pairs of drugged-out 24-year-olds try to extend their high, chump.")
posted by psoas at 3:04 PM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
Men do this, and we do this while standing side-by-side.
Thankfully, those troughs are quickly disappearing, but they still exist in places like the more rural fairgrounds and sports events.
You can tell what kind of a gay bar a gay bar wants to be by how its bathroom is laid out. Troughs usually mean "Hang around a while! You know what you're here for."
(If the men's room is nothing but stalls, it means "Have fun standing in line waiting to pee while pairs of drugged-out 24-year-olds try to extend their high, chump.")
posted by psoas at 3:04 PM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
flushing baby wipes
One Wipe Charlie
Says flushable but I have doubts.
posted by M Edward at 3:54 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
One Wipe Charlie
Says flushable but I have doubts.
posted by M Edward at 3:54 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
My favorite response to the long women's bathroom lines was something I saw at the Dickens Fair a few years ago. The Dickens Fair is like a Renaissance festival, except 1800s-England themed, around Christmastime near San Francisco, and it's delightful. As befits the theme, many women are dressed up in fairly elaborate get-ups, involving long and big skirts. A lot of clothing to wrestle with to do your business - and those hoop skirts really only fit in the handicapped stall. What I'm saying is that the time-to-pee disparity was greatly increased by some women's clothing.
So - they just converted roughly every other men's room to a women's room by taping over the signs and putting huge bouquets of flowers in the urinals. It was great!
On a totally different note, I found out that men didn't wipe after peeing because I met multiple dudes in college who didn't keep toilet paper in their bathrooms. I am still so appalled by this. What about #2? ("I just wait until I'm at a bathroom somewhere else, like when I'm coming back from class.") Do you never have girls over??? (shrug) I'll forever treasure the memory of the boy who tried to seduce me by telling me that he'd gotten some toilet paper. That roll of scratchy 1-ply that you probably stole will never make up for the horrifying no-TP relevation and all its implications.
posted by mandanza at 3:57 PM on May 6, 2015 [8 favorites]
So - they just converted roughly every other men's room to a women's room by taping over the signs and putting huge bouquets of flowers in the urinals. It was great!
On a totally different note, I found out that men didn't wipe after peeing because I met multiple dudes in college who didn't keep toilet paper in their bathrooms. I am still so appalled by this. What about #2? ("I just wait until I'm at a bathroom somewhere else, like when I'm coming back from class.") Do you never have girls over??? (shrug) I'll forever treasure the memory of the boy who tried to seduce me by telling me that he'd gotten some toilet paper. That roll of scratchy 1-ply that you probably stole will never make up for the horrifying no-TP relevation and all its implications.
posted by mandanza at 3:57 PM on May 6, 2015 [8 favorites]
My favorite thing about these threads is realizing how hung up people are about a thing they do every single day. Makes me feel less neurotic.
posted by aspersioncast at 4:13 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by aspersioncast at 4:13 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
multiple dudes in college who didn't keep toilet paper in their bathrooms.
Were you dating one of my roommates? Yeah, we'd usually just pee at home and wait until we got on campus for anything else. Spending money on TP was a waste of valuable beer money.
posted by octothorpe at 4:21 PM on May 6, 2015
Were you dating one of my roommates? Yeah, we'd usually just pee at home and wait until we got on campus for anything else. Spending money on TP was a waste of valuable beer money.
posted by octothorpe at 4:21 PM on May 6, 2015
Here in Seattle, some public buildings have a new and terrible variant on the american stall.
Christ. Presumably that's an anti-homeless measure. We don't want anybody hiding or sleeping in there, so we'll build our damn stalls so there's zero privacy and you're exposed while you take a dump. America will spend plenty of money, sometimes making things worse for everybody in our efforts to chase the homeless away, before we actually do anything about homelessnes. < /end lefty rant. >
If I hadn't been transgender already, the whole pee trough thing would've been enough to push me over the edge.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 4:30 PM on May 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
Christ. Presumably that's an anti-homeless measure. We don't want anybody hiding or sleeping in there, so we'll build our damn stalls so there's zero privacy and you're exposed while you take a dump. America will spend plenty of money, sometimes making things worse for everybody in our efforts to chase the homeless away, before we actually do anything about homelessnes. < /end lefty rant. >
If I hadn't been transgender already, the whole pee trough thing would've been enough to push me over the edge.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 4:30 PM on May 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
Oh yeah, the FUCKING SEATTLE STALL-HELL. I can only assume that the designers of those monstrosities hate humanity and want it to perish in a ball of misery-flames.
posted by corb at 4:33 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by corb at 4:33 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
It's not universal, but it's not unusual in Brazil (in my experience) to find a roll of TP hanging at the urinals, along with a small bin for disposal.
posted by wintermind at 4:35 PM on May 6, 2015
posted by wintermind at 4:35 PM on May 6, 2015
Says flushable but I have doubts.
"Minnesota city sues makers of 'flushable' wipes over clogged sewers"
posted by mr. digits at 4:47 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
"Minnesota city sues makers of 'flushable' wipes over clogged sewers"
posted by mr. digits at 4:47 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
My uni converted a men's room into a gender neutral restroom. It had both urinals and stalls with doors. Being too late for class, I didn't have time to visit the ladies room so I ducked into the converted one. I arrived just in time to see, and I mean really see, my favorite professor at a urinal. Class was a bit awkward for me but he just laughed.
posted by Lil Bit of Pepper at 6:12 PM on May 6, 2015
posted by Lil Bit of Pepper at 6:12 PM on May 6, 2015
The worst washroom I have ever been in was the diviest of dive bars somewhere in the wilds of Iowa.
Words fail me. You cannot imagine. Washrooms around 3am at a rave full of grotty teenagers (in one case, actually two inches deep in what I chose at the time to believe was water) were Valhalla by comparison.
Best, the best washroom ever, for me, has been at the Windsor Arms right here in Toronto. Floor-to ceiling stall doors! Made of wood! Virtually soundproof. Nice lighting. Private as all hell.
You can tell what kind of a gay bar a gay bar wants to be by how its bathroom is laid out. Troughs usually mean "Hang around a while! You know what you're here for."
Oh my yes. Woody's (not joking; that's actually its name) has those banana-shaped urinals that you have to stand back from. The Black Eagle (leather bar) has surprisingly discreet urinals--yet a trough for a sink. I hadn't been there in ages, they've renovated, and the first time I went to the loo there I was a bit perplexed and asked my friends, "given the clientele here, isn't the bathroom kinda... backwards?" Universal agreement.
And I'm always confused by the loos that someone with a shit bazooka has gone into and redecorated the WALLS for God's sake. HOW.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 6:33 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Words fail me. You cannot imagine. Washrooms around 3am at a rave full of grotty teenagers (in one case, actually two inches deep in what I chose at the time to believe was water) were Valhalla by comparison.
Best, the best washroom ever, for me, has been at the Windsor Arms right here in Toronto. Floor-to ceiling stall doors! Made of wood! Virtually soundproof. Nice lighting. Private as all hell.
You can tell what kind of a gay bar a gay bar wants to be by how its bathroom is laid out. Troughs usually mean "Hang around a while! You know what you're here for."
Oh my yes. Woody's (not joking; that's actually its name) has those banana-shaped urinals that you have to stand back from. The Black Eagle (leather bar) has surprisingly discreet urinals--yet a trough for a sink. I hadn't been there in ages, they've renovated, and the first time I went to the loo there I was a bit perplexed and asked my friends, "given the clientele here, isn't the bathroom kinda... backwards?" Universal agreement.
And I'm always confused by the loos that someone with a shit bazooka has gone into and redecorated the WALLS for God's sake. HOW.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 6:33 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Here in Seattle, some public buildings have a new and terrible variant on the american stall. As everywhere else, it starts a foot above the floor, with the standard thin gap around the edges, but then it only goes high enough to block view of the toilet.
I was at the Seattle Public library downtown with some coworkers and we called these "You can't do that on television" stalls, because they reminded us of the locker sketch at the end of every show. We cracked jokes at each other, and made eye contact, while peeing.
We are librarians too (nerds on tour) and so asked the librarians about it on our way out. The angled mirrors, short stall doors, and blue lighting are to make it easier for staff to find/locate/remove nodded-off heroin users. I think our take is better.
posted by holyrood at 7:12 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
I was at the Seattle Public library downtown with some coworkers and we called these "You can't do that on television" stalls, because they reminded us of the locker sketch at the end of every show. We cracked jokes at each other, and made eye contact, while peeing.
We are librarians too (nerds on tour) and so asked the librarians about it on our way out. The angled mirrors, short stall doors, and blue lighting are to make it easier for staff to find/locate/remove nodded-off heroin users. I think our take is better.
posted by holyrood at 7:12 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
The main problem with the waterfall urinal at the Madonna Inn, is that you really can't use it,
I would. You go in a mens' room, you might see some men. And I got nothin' to hide.
posted by ctmf at 7:16 PM on May 6, 2015
I would. You go in a mens' room, you might see some men. And I got nothin' to hide.
posted by ctmf at 7:16 PM on May 6, 2015
The worst toilet in Scotland (from Trainspotting).
posted by kirkaracha at 7:23 PM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by kirkaracha at 7:23 PM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
On a couple of occasions, women (not even girlfriends) have requested my presence in a communal bathroom while they were peeing, presumably because they didn't want to be alone? At least one woman was possibly somewhat drunk at the time. I never gave it much thought, but reading this thread I realized I don't know what this request was about.
I also cannot imagine the guys, even lazy college students, who didn't keep toilet paper at home because they'd find a public bathroom somewhere. So bizarre. I mean, did they brush their teeth? Were they raised by wolves? I still tend to avoid using public bathrooms when I can, and I don't think that makes me particularly neurotic.
At work sometimes women engage me in unnecessary conversation when I am about to use the communal bathroom they've just left, and I've come to realize it's because they're trying to delay my entrance to give time for the smell to air out. I guess that counts as some kind of etiquette. The men just say hey and whistle right past me.
posted by callistus at 7:24 PM on May 6, 2015
I also cannot imagine the guys, even lazy college students, who didn't keep toilet paper at home because they'd find a public bathroom somewhere. So bizarre. I mean, did they brush their teeth? Were they raised by wolves? I still tend to avoid using public bathrooms when I can, and I don't think that makes me particularly neurotic.
At work sometimes women engage me in unnecessary conversation when I am about to use the communal bathroom they've just left, and I've come to realize it's because they're trying to delay my entrance to give time for the smell to air out. I guess that counts as some kind of etiquette. The men just say hey and whistle right past me.
posted by callistus at 7:24 PM on May 6, 2015
On our honeymoon in Paris we were at a cafe and I needed to do #2. They had a squat toilet. When you're in your mid-forties with arthritic knees that's a long way down without being sure you're going to be able to get back up. But I did what I had to do.
posted by kirkaracha at 7:32 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
posted by kirkaracha at 7:32 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
And I'm always confused by the loos that someone with a shit bazooka has gone into and redecorated the WALLS for God's sake. HOW.
- posted by feckless fecal fear mongering
Eponi...ironic?
posted by Ursula Hitler at 7:34 PM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
- posted by feckless fecal fear mongering
Eponi...ironic?
posted by Ursula Hitler at 7:34 PM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
I think it is entirely reasonable to be afraid of people who appear to be able to poop six feet up a wall
don't walk behind them is what I'm saying here
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:03 PM on May 6, 2015 [8 favorites]
don't walk behind them is what I'm saying here
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:03 PM on May 6, 2015 [8 favorites]
Here in Seattle, some public buildings have a new and terrible variant on the american stall. As everywhere else, it starts a foot above the floor, with the standard thin gap around the edges, but then it only goes high enough to block view of the toilet. When you're sitting, about shoulders up are clearly visible to anyone passing by.
no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
posted by threeants at 8:40 PM on May 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no
posted by threeants at 8:40 PM on May 6, 2015 [4 favorites]
is it over
did the pooptimes eye contact go away
posted by threeants at 8:47 PM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
did the pooptimes eye contact go away
posted by threeants at 8:47 PM on May 6, 2015 [3 favorites]
MetaFilter: pooptimes eye contact
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:58 PM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:58 PM on May 6, 2015 [2 favorites]
I think it is entirely reasonable to be afraid of people who appear to be able to poop six feet up a wall
Oh, I'd agree. Perhaps epi-ironic wasn't quite the right phrase. (Thus the question mark.) But it was certainly epi-something.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 9:00 PM on May 6, 2015
Oh, I'd agree. Perhaps epi-ironic wasn't quite the right phrase. (Thus the question mark.) But it was certainly epi-something.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 9:00 PM on May 6, 2015
...And the worst one I ever used was in East Berlin in 1988.
Oh, yes. I was there a year or so after you. My first bathroom experience there was in the "touristy" part of the city, so the facilities' condition wasn't decrepit, just aggressively gray. I mean, much of East Berlin then was gray, but this bathroom seemed to have been designed by someone completely devoid of color vision.
The walls and floors were each a uniform but different shade of gray. The toilet seat was probably originally cheap black plastic, but it had gotten dingey enough to be in the dark gray range. The porcelain bowl - inclluding the mandatory German poo-inspection-shelf - had done its own journey from kinda white-ish to kinda not. And the toilet paper had a background tone of light gray paper fibers, accented with rougher gray fibers of I don't know what. I have sandpaper on my workbench now that's smoother than that toilet paper felt. How something that fibrous could also be so weak and disintegrating was a marvel of socialist materials science. The good paper pulp was probably all used by the bookstore nearby where I stocked up on cheap Marx.
Later, in a different part of the city when I used a bathroom that wasn't a showpiece for visitors, there were more colors - but not in a good way. I bet any East Germans who got to sample a well-appointed western restroom thought of them the way we guys do when the opening door of a ladies room reveals a glimpse of couch.
posted by NumberSix at 9:18 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Oh, yes. I was there a year or so after you. My first bathroom experience there was in the "touristy" part of the city, so the facilities' condition wasn't decrepit, just aggressively gray. I mean, much of East Berlin then was gray, but this bathroom seemed to have been designed by someone completely devoid of color vision.
The walls and floors were each a uniform but different shade of gray. The toilet seat was probably originally cheap black plastic, but it had gotten dingey enough to be in the dark gray range. The porcelain bowl - inclluding the mandatory German poo-inspection-shelf - had done its own journey from kinda white-ish to kinda not. And the toilet paper had a background tone of light gray paper fibers, accented with rougher gray fibers of I don't know what. I have sandpaper on my workbench now that's smoother than that toilet paper felt. How something that fibrous could also be so weak and disintegrating was a marvel of socialist materials science. The good paper pulp was probably all used by the bookstore nearby where I stocked up on cheap Marx.
Later, in a different part of the city when I used a bathroom that wasn't a showpiece for visitors, there were more colors - but not in a good way. I bet any East Germans who got to sample a well-appointed western restroom thought of them the way we guys do when the opening door of a ladies room reveals a glimpse of couch.
posted by NumberSix at 9:18 PM on May 6, 2015 [1 favorite]
Best bathroom ever: the Fry's in San Marcos. It had lovely floor-to-ceiling wooden stall doors and was delightfully deserted on a random Wednesday when I had a Lactose Emergency and stopped at the first place I saw. I would have been grateful for a hole in the ground at that point, so the fact that it was the perfect bathroom for a Lactose Emergency was a pleasant surprise.
Worst bathroom ever: the hole in the floor at a Shell gas station in rural Thailand. It was literally just a series of holes over some tile (so not even any porcelain foot grippies). Somewhat illogically--there was no sewage system in the area!--I was the most annoyed that a Shell gas station didn't have plumbed toilets. Funny the expectations that you have of a multi-national brand.
posted by librarylis at 9:36 PM on May 6, 2015
Worst bathroom ever: the hole in the floor at a Shell gas station in rural Thailand. It was literally just a series of holes over some tile (so not even any porcelain foot grippies). Somewhat illogically--there was no sewage system in the area!--I was the most annoyed that a Shell gas station didn't have plumbed toilets. Funny the expectations that you have of a multi-national brand.
posted by librarylis at 9:36 PM on May 6, 2015
For the shy-bladdered: visualize yourself pissing on someone's face (it doesn't particularly matter whose).
I do hope that this is not the comment I become chiefly known for.
posted by um at 11:21 PM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
I do hope that this is not the comment I become chiefly known for.
posted by um at 11:21 PM on May 6, 2015 [5 favorites]
I have an odd fondness for the old pee trough. I remember being a little boy and heading off to the men's room to take a leak. I find myself in there with a bunch of grizzled old WWII war veterans (it was a VFW on fish fry Friday) and every guy in there has his wang hanging out in full view of everyone else. I remember proudly thinking, "Now I'm hanging with the big boys." (And I literally was.) I'm rather sad that that rite of passage is no longer happening.
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 12:10 AM on May 7, 2015
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 12:10 AM on May 7, 2015
I've come to realize it's because they're trying to delay my entrance to give time for the smell to air out. I guess that counts as some kind of etiquette. The men just say hey and whistle right past me.
Many guys are secretly proud of that phenomenal stench they've just created. That's why the phrase "I'd give that ten minutes if I was you" is so often accompanied by a smirk of satisfaction. The implication is that it takes a real man to stink up a bathroom that bad.
Also, there was an item on QI recently about key rings in Japan which make a flushing noise when you press the button. The idea is that Japanese girls can use that noise to drown out the shameful sound of them peeing. Which reminds me of that old Arthur Miller / Marilyn Monroe story...
posted by Paul Slade at 12:44 AM on May 7, 2015
Many guys are secretly proud of that phenomenal stench they've just created. That's why the phrase "I'd give that ten minutes if I was you" is so often accompanied by a smirk of satisfaction. The implication is that it takes a real man to stink up a bathroom that bad.
Also, there was an item on QI recently about key rings in Japan which make a flushing noise when you press the button. The idea is that Japanese girls can use that noise to drown out the shameful sound of them peeing. Which reminds me of that old Arthur Miller / Marilyn Monroe story...
posted by Paul Slade at 12:44 AM on May 7, 2015
Best bathroom ever: any bathroom that you make it to with just seconds to spare as intestinal cramps issue their relentless commands.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:05 AM on May 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:05 AM on May 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
I think it is entirely reasonable to be afraid of people who appear to be able to poop six feet up a wall
I have been a lot of places, I have seen a lot of things. I am grateful this is not among them.
posted by psoas at 9:35 AM on May 7, 2015
I have been a lot of places, I have seen a lot of things. I am grateful this is not among them.
posted by psoas at 9:35 AM on May 7, 2015
So much to say about this topic . . .
My group of friends has the euphemism "buying them a ticket to Houston" for when you leave a miasma in the room for the next person.
I spent many springs and summers in the wilds. When you work in close proximity to people for 14 to 18 days without bathing, things like evacuating your bowels or bladder no longer seem very private. The transition back to civilization can be very difficult. We had a task of digging new latrines; old pilot to bombardier style, back-to-back with no surrounding walls. We dug them, we tried to initiate them to make sure they worked but that was not our preferred method. Because of the arid environment and the isolated nature of the place, at the time, the leave no trace best practice was to smear in the sun. When you get that close to your waste and are so comfortable with your peers, you end up discussing the particulars of each movement a lot more than you would expect. After that, the "pretend everyone else doesn't exist" game is hard to play.
Then I had a kid. I don't think he has an understanding of being pee-shy. From an early age he was willing to pee anywhere. After a while we had to tell him that peeing in the front yard wasn't a good thing. So now he runs around to the backyard to pee. The neighbors back there have not complained. Last summer I took him backpacking. The first day he told me he had to go to the bathroom. I told him to use a tree and he informed me that he needed to poop. So I taught him. We walked around, discussed different methods of pooping in the woods, chose a place with a great view and talked out way through the process. After that, he went two or three times a day just because he liked pooping in the so damn much.
Man, I both love and hate bathrooms. The best bathroom ever? There is a rock in the Carson National Forest overlooking the Valle Vidal.
posted by Seamus at 9:42 AM on May 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
My group of friends has the euphemism "buying them a ticket to Houston" for when you leave a miasma in the room for the next person.
I spent many springs and summers in the wilds. When you work in close proximity to people for 14 to 18 days without bathing, things like evacuating your bowels or bladder no longer seem very private. The transition back to civilization can be very difficult. We had a task of digging new latrines; old pilot to bombardier style, back-to-back with no surrounding walls. We dug them, we tried to initiate them to make sure they worked but that was not our preferred method. Because of the arid environment and the isolated nature of the place, at the time, the leave no trace best practice was to smear in the sun. When you get that close to your waste and are so comfortable with your peers, you end up discussing the particulars of each movement a lot more than you would expect. After that, the "pretend everyone else doesn't exist" game is hard to play.
Then I had a kid. I don't think he has an understanding of being pee-shy. From an early age he was willing to pee anywhere. After a while we had to tell him that peeing in the front yard wasn't a good thing. So now he runs around to the backyard to pee. The neighbors back there have not complained. Last summer I took him backpacking. The first day he told me he had to go to the bathroom. I told him to use a tree and he informed me that he needed to poop. So I taught him. We walked around, discussed different methods of pooping in the woods, chose a place with a great view and talked out way through the process. After that, he went two or three times a day just because he liked pooping in the so damn much.
Man, I both love and hate bathrooms. The best bathroom ever? There is a rock in the Carson National Forest overlooking the Valle Vidal.
posted by Seamus at 9:42 AM on May 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
re: men wiping at urinals and the like
Haven't more people heard the rhyme that goes something like "no matter how much you wiggle, jiggle, or flop, you'll never be able to get rid of that last drop"? I am certain of one case where this is completely accurate, which is why wiping wouldn't even make any sense.
posted by bonje at 11:20 AM on May 7, 2015
Haven't more people heard the rhyme that goes something like "no matter how much you wiggle, jiggle, or flop, you'll never be able to get rid of that last drop"? I am certain of one case where this is completely accurate, which is why wiping wouldn't even make any sense.
posted by bonje at 11:20 AM on May 7, 2015
Here in Seattle, some public buildings have a new and terrible variant on the american stall. As everywhere else, it starts a foot above the floor, with the standard thin gap around the edges, but then it only goes high enough to block view of the toilet. When you're sitting, about shoulders up are clearly visible to anyone passing by.
The horror.
The only reason I can think of to have a stall like this is to prevent people from doing "illicit" things in it - heroin, sex, etc.
The downside is that it completely destroys the original purpose of the thing, which is to deliver privacy. It kind of reminds me of this story. Not even sure if it's true but I laughed like hell the first time I read it.
posted by theorique at 11:23 AM on May 7, 2015
The horror.
The only reason I can think of to have a stall like this is to prevent people from doing "illicit" things in it - heroin, sex, etc.
The downside is that it completely destroys the original purpose of the thing, which is to deliver privacy. It kind of reminds me of this story. Not even sure if it's true but I laughed like hell the first time I read it.
posted by theorique at 11:23 AM on May 7, 2015
"no matter how much you wiggle, jiggle, or flop, you'll never be able to get rid of that last drop"
"No matter how you jump and dance, the last drops end up on your pants."
posted by psoas at 11:26 AM on May 7, 2015
"No matter how you jump and dance, the last drops end up on your pants."
posted by psoas at 11:26 AM on May 7, 2015
"No matter how much you shake your peg.
The last little drop goes down your leg."
posted by Paul Slade at 12:06 PM on May 7, 2015
The last little drop goes down your leg."
posted by Paul Slade at 12:06 PM on May 7, 2015
"No matter how much you shake your cock,
The last little drop drips down your sock."
(OK, I made that one up.)
posted by Paul Slade at 12:11 PM on May 7, 2015
The last little drop drips down your sock."
(OK, I made that one up.)
posted by Paul Slade at 12:11 PM on May 7, 2015
Or, in the interest of gender equality:
"No matter how much you wipe your cooze,
The last little drop lands on your shoes."
I'll stop now. (The "peg" one is widely used here in the UK, though.)
posted by Paul Slade at 12:14 PM on May 7, 2015
"No matter how much you wipe your cooze,
The last little drop lands on your shoes."
I'll stop now. (The "peg" one is widely used here in the UK, though.)
posted by Paul Slade at 12:14 PM on May 7, 2015
One more:
"If careless when you shake your nob,
That last drop might land in your gob."
I could do these all day.
posted by Paul Slade at 12:20 PM on May 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
"If careless when you shake your nob,
That last drop might land in your gob."
I could do these all day.
posted by Paul Slade at 12:20 PM on May 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
How about this one:
If, after urinating, you try to completely eliminate every last drop of urine from your urinary system by manipulating your penis in such a way as to give any remaining content a bit of centrifugal force, you will be unsuccessful because there is always a small quantity lingering in the mysterious area between your bladder and your urethra, an area that is difficult to apply centrifugal force to by other means than jumping up and down, an activity that, when viewed by fellow pee-makers, is looked at with a degree of astonishment and not a little suspicion.
posted by rankfreudlite at 12:42 PM on May 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
If, after urinating, you try to completely eliminate every last drop of urine from your urinary system by manipulating your penis in such a way as to give any remaining content a bit of centrifugal force, you will be unsuccessful because there is always a small quantity lingering in the mysterious area between your bladder and your urethra, an area that is difficult to apply centrifugal force to by other means than jumping up and down, an activity that, when viewed by fellow pee-makers, is looked at with a degree of astonishment and not a little suspicion.
posted by rankfreudlite at 12:42 PM on May 7, 2015 [1 favorite]
From Mad Magazine: No matter how you shake and dance, the last drop always lands in your pants.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 1:26 PM on May 7, 2015
posted by Ursula Hitler at 1:26 PM on May 7, 2015
I hope everyone else is imagining these pee-shaking rhymes with a sweet early 80's rap beat.
posted by jason_steakums at 1:47 PM on May 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
posted by jason_steakums at 1:47 PM on May 7, 2015 [2 favorites]
Epi -c
That phrase, I'd give it 10 minutes IF I WERE YOU - such sinister emphasis. Why if I were you rather you were you or anyone else even? Makes the speaker sound like Fezzik the Giant. Or someone else intimidating from The Princess Bride. Being mightily inconsiderate.
Which again is quite unfair because it's not as if any of us can help it.
posted by glasseyes at 1:47 PM on May 7, 2015
That phrase, I'd give it 10 minutes IF I WERE YOU - such sinister emphasis. Why if I were you rather you were you or anyone else even? Makes the speaker sound like Fezzik the Giant. Or someone else intimidating from The Princess Bride. Being mightily inconsiderate.
Which again is quite unfair because it's not as if any of us can help it.
posted by glasseyes at 1:47 PM on May 7, 2015
No matter how much you wiggle and dance, the last three drops always go in your pants
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 3:50 PM on May 7, 2015
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 3:50 PM on May 7, 2015
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