High Heels. The WHOLE time.
July 24, 2015 7:29 AM   Subscribe

Jurassic Park: High Heels Edition. You loved the endless running in high heels in Jurassic World... Now enjoy them in the entire Jurassic series!
posted by blue_beetle (54 comments total) 32 users marked this as a favorite
 
Fabulous.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 7:33 AM on July 24, 2015 [2 favorites]


oh god even six tiny ones on the little bug this is fantastic
posted by phunniemee at 7:35 AM on July 24, 2015 [11 favorites]


Clever girls.
posted by leotrotsky at 7:46 AM on July 24, 2015 [10 favorites]


I lost it when Malcom does his sexy strut up to the 'ceratops scat. I realize now that in Jurassic Park there was one character wearing high heels the entire time.

Also I'm totally introducing "Hold on to your pumps" into daily conversations.
posted by barchan at 7:47 AM on July 24, 2015 [15 favorites]


As the partner just said: on the one hand, some people sure have a lot of spare time. On the other hand, it's nice that they use it for the good of everyone!
posted by allthinky at 7:58 AM on July 24, 2015 [5 favorites]


I lost it when Malcom does his sexy strut up to the 'ceratops scat. I realize now that in Jurassic Park there was one character wearing high heels the entire time.

If there's one complaint I have about this video, it would have to be the paucity of Jeff Goldblum.

I know that sounds really nitpicky, but it's a complaint I have about all aspects of life so I'm just being consistent.
posted by telegraph at 8:02 AM on July 24, 2015 [14 favorites]


that was good
posted by supermedusa at 8:18 AM on July 24, 2015


I lost it when Malcom does his sexy strut up to the 'ceratops scat. I realize now that in Jurassic Park there was one character wearing high heels the entire time.

Seeing that unleashed some feelings I wasn't really aware that I had. I mean, I've always had a fondness for Jeff Goldblum, but now... oh, boy.
posted by palomar at 8:22 AM on July 24, 2015 [12 favorites]


kinky boots
posted by echocollate at 8:32 AM on July 24, 2015 [9 favorites]


Holy crap that was well done.

It lead me to wondering, though, just how much high-heels do slow you down for running compared to flats. Going by this video of a high-heel race in Berlin the answer would seem to be not necessarily all that much. I guess it would help to be naturally someone who runs on the balls of the feet. And obviously it would depend on the design of the shoe.
posted by yoink at 8:38 AM on July 24, 2015 [4 favorites]


Seeing that unleashed some feelings I wasn't really aware that I had. I mean, I've always had a fondness for Jeff Goldblum, but now... oh, boy.

So, uh, I have a bunch of paintings and prints from Jurassic Park hanging in our bathroom. (Not saying I have great taste but I do like to amuse myself.) Anyway, I put this particular one at eye level across from the toilet. My husband complains, but I say it's nice to have something pleasant to look at while doing one's business.

(The one above the toilet, of course, is the scene of the lawyer in the bathroom stall right before the T-rex eats him.)
posted by barchan at 8:43 AM on July 24, 2015 [22 favorites]


I never knew I needed a Jeff Goldblum painting until right this very minute
posted by Kitteh at 8:47 AM on July 24, 2015 [21 favorites]


It lead me to wondering, though, just how much high-heels do slow you down for running compared to flats. Going by this video of a high-heel race in Berlin the answer would seem to be not necessarily all that much.

The current world record for 100m in heels is 14.53 seconds. The current world record for 100m by a woman is 10.45 (possibly wind-assisted, but the second-fastest time, which was definitely not wind-assisted, is 10.61). 37 percent is a lot slower.
posted by Etrigan at 8:49 AM on July 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


(1:11) totally expected the heel tap à la Dr Frank n Furter (0:30)
posted by St. Peepsburg at 8:49 AM on July 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


The current world record for 100m in heels is 14.53 seconds. The current world record for 100m by a woman is 10.45 (possibly wind-assisted, but the second-fastest time, which was definitely not wind-assisted, is 10.61). 37 percent is a lot slower.

Yeah, but that "world record" run was not run by someone who, when wearing athletic shoes, runs a 10.45. She's not a sprinter who tried running in heels for a laugh. Even odder is that the video supposedly showing her "world record" run has her trotting along clearly a lot slower than the people running in that Berlin video I linked to. It looks like even more of a gimmick record than most Guinness records (indeed, if you watch that video to the end it shows her running in another edition of the Berlin race and she's clearly running a lot faster than in the supposed world record attempt).
posted by yoink at 8:58 AM on July 24, 2015


I've been known to defend the portrayal of high heels in Jurassic World, and I can find nothing to object to in this video.
posted by redsparkler at 9:03 AM on July 24, 2015


Of course Muldoon would go with the leopard print. Of course.
posted by ckape at 9:17 AM on July 24, 2015


Of course Muldoon would go with the leopard print. Of course.
I've not seen the video, but as a person who remembers former NZ Prime Ministers, JESUS!
posted by Mezentian at 9:21 AM on July 24, 2015 [2 favorites]


On a bit of a tangent, I'm fascinated by movie sound design, and how movies have trained us to associate the click-click-click of high heels with women running. The classic example is when Sarah Connor is escaping the hospital in T2 and you can hear the sound of her non-existent shoes on the tile. It's akin to how car tires always squeal, even when peeling out on gravel. And if those sounds aren't there then the scene doesn't feel real!

Thanks, movies, for replacing reality in my brain.
posted by sgranade at 9:22 AM on July 24, 2015 [6 favorites]


We only saw Jurassic World yesterday, and marveled at all the high-heel running. Little did I dream there could have been so much more. Thank you, MetaFilter.
posted by Gelatin at 9:23 AM on July 24, 2015


when Sarah Connor is escaping the hospital in T2 and you can hear the sound of her non-existent shoes on the tile.

That has become pretty ensconced as a "movie goof" but if you actually listen to the scene it's not really true. The foley artist is definitely going for bare feet in an echoey space. If you listen to the soundtrack without looking at the images you might well think "shoes" (though you'd never think "high heels on tile") because you wouldn't realize that it's meant to be multiplied by echo effects. But if you watch it with the video, it's a pretty believable sound effect.
posted by yoink at 9:35 AM on July 24, 2015 [9 favorites]


Anyway, I put this particular one at eye level across from the toilet.

Not to second-guess your decor choices, but I would have gone with this one.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 9:46 AM on July 24, 2015 [3 favorites]


The current world record for 100m in heels is 14.53 seconds. The current world record for 100m by a woman is 10.45 (possibly wind-assisted, but the second-fastest time, which was definitely not wind-assisted, is 10.61). 37 percent is a lot slower.

Even if you don't have to be faster than the dinosaur, just faster than Jeff Goldblum in heels.
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:53 AM on July 24, 2015 [15 favorites]


I have a bunch of paintings and prints from Jurassic Park hanging in our bathroom

"Park your ass in Jurassic Park."
posted by octobersurprise at 9:58 AM on July 24, 2015 [4 favorites]


I would like to point out that MetaFilter has, once more, made my type a sentence I never would have imagined typing even one minute before my fingers hit the keyboard.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:03 AM on July 24, 2015 [12 favorites]


I would like to point out that MetaFilter has, once more, made my type a sentence I never would have imagined typing even one minute before my fingers hit the keyboard.

Nonsense...finds a way.
posted by yoink at 10:07 AM on July 24, 2015 [18 favorites]


"All this work I've done ... I'm still not sure."
"What's wrong, Dr. Berners-Lee?"
"What if my creation is used for ill? The privacy issues alone..."
"But what if we could see high-heels digitally inserted into all the characters in dinosaur movies?"
"You're right. I need to keep going."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 10:12 AM on July 24, 2015 [18 favorites]


I've been known to defend the portrayal of high heels in Jurassic World,

Would you mind expanding on that? I was musing that this video was a really great way to ridicule one of the things I hated most (in a long list) about Jurassic World. I'd love and would appreciate to hear your viewpoint.

(I promise I won't counter-argue, mostly as that wouldn't be nice after asking but also because I fear there would be slobbering ranting on my end, haha!)
posted by barchan at 10:15 AM on July 24, 2015 [4 favorites]


Would you mind expanding on that?

I feel like people have been heel-shaming. Is that a thing? People raised the same concerns with Pepper Pots in the Iron Man movies.

Chris Pratt's laid-back character criticizes Bryce Dallas Howard's professional outfit with the implication that it's not suitable for their Jurassic hijinks. She then proceeds with said hijinks, wearing said outfit with only minor adjustments, thus showing that her wardrobe choices were completely legitimate and not to be trifled with.

Wearing heels doesn't automatically render the wearer helpless. I have a couple pairs of heels that I can comfortably walk in for miles, or run for the bus if I have to. They aren't quite as spindly as Howards, but then again, neither am I.

I'm just not a fan of second guessing women's clothing choices, especially if they dress that way for their job. Are those professional dress expectations problematic? Probably. But I'm a-okay with depicting women doing cool shit, wearing whatever they happen to be wearing.
posted by redsparkler at 10:58 AM on July 24, 2015 [22 favorites]


And I'll be the first to admit that Laura Dern and Sam Neill's characters were much more down-to-earth and believable as real people, as far as costuming and characterization goes. There's a certain amount of scale change between the two movies, and the glossiness of Jurassic World meant that I had to let go of that level of characterization and make do with what was given.
posted by redsparkler at 11:02 AM on July 24, 2015 [2 favorites]


I remember some tv show when I was a kid where an athlete / fit guy raced an ordinary woman around an obstacle course, both of them wearing heels. The woman easily won - the sciencey bit explanation afterwards was she was used / trained herself to wearing them and that makes a big difference... how much different to wearing running shoes / hiking boots / whatever they didn't do.
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 11:03 AM on July 24, 2015


Wow, redsparkler, that's great. Thank you. I won't complain about that aspect again.

Can I still hate Chris Pratt's character for wearing a leather vest in a hot tropical climate? I mean, how often did he have to spend time cleaning mold off that thing?
posted by barchan at 11:16 AM on July 24, 2015 [2 favorites]


People raised the same concerns with Pepper Pots in the Iron Man movies.

My problem with Pepper's shoes wasn't that she wore them--towering heels are exactly the sort of thing Pepper would wear in that kind of business environment! -- but that there's a scene where she runs across an open grate in them, and I'm sorry, it's really hard to believe anyone could do that without getting the narrow heel caught in the grate. It's a standard hazard of stilettos.

All that said, I love to see women wearing practical shoes in tv & movies, shoes appropriate to the occasion rather than shoes that comply with what Hollywood wardrobers expect of sexy starlets. Olivia Dunham in Fringe always wore shoes that fit her role as a field agent rather than ingenue.
posted by suelac at 11:55 AM on July 24, 2015 [5 favorites]


Someone failed to notice the lampshade factory Dr Wu was running in Jurassic World.
posted by Bringer Tom at 12:07 PM on July 24, 2015 [2 favorites]


but that there's a scene where she runs across an open grate in them, and I'm sorry, it's really hard to believe anyone could do that

So...are you suggesting the grate was added in in CGI? Because if not, then doesn't the scene itself prove that it is possible to run over grate in stilettos? (The trick, I assume, would be to keep all your weight on the balls of your feet).
posted by yoink at 12:09 PM on July 24, 2015 [2 favorites]



I learned something about myself while watching this video.

It was funny and I liked it but I ended up feeling physically uneasy and weak in the ankles.

Watching so many people run in heels makes me squirmy and like I'M gonna fall and hurt something.

I'm quite obviously not comfortable in heels.
posted by Jalliah at 12:27 PM on July 24, 2015


It lead me to wondering, though, just how much high-heels do slow you down for running compared to flats.

It depends on the heel. When I lived in Las Vegas I shopped at the shoe store the cocktail waitresses shopped at and had the cobbler there make the same orthopedic modifications to my heels as he did to theirs and I swear they ended up more comfortable to run in than any of my flats.
posted by Jacqueline at 1:22 PM on July 24, 2015


So...are you suggesting the grate was added in in CGI? Because if not, then doesn't the scene itself prove that it is possible to run over grate in stilettos?.


IIRC, the way it's shot, you don't see her heels in the shot crossing the grate. So you see her running, but not her feet, and you know that's a grate, and that she's wearing heels, because they showed both of those things previously.
posted by suelac at 1:35 PM on July 24, 2015 [2 favorites]


To which I should add: I'm sure it's possible to run across a grate in stilettos. But it distracted me something awful, because I think it's very difficult.
posted by suelac at 1:36 PM on July 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


I remember the grate! The grate was weird! But what were the options? Change her shoes for the whole movie? Remove the grate? Have her carefully take off her shoes before going across?

I guess you could say that none of the solutions were...grate.
posted by redsparkler at 1:46 PM on July 24, 2015 [6 favorites]


I kept thinking about tree roots in the jungle-y areas, and how not great a tree root stiletto combo could be. But honestly now I keep thinking about Jeff Goldblum and I'm getting nothing done today but I'm totally okay with it.
posted by palomar at 1:56 PM on July 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


I can imagine running in heels on a flat surface. Going downhill, though... Is there a trick there that I don't know?
posted by mikurski at 2:18 PM on July 24, 2015


I can think of only one action movie where a main character's footwear actually turned into something really meaningful and memorable.

Schieß dem Fenster. Shoot. The. Glass.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:19 PM on July 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


Whoever made this was so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should. I watched and enjoyed it, but I still don't know if it should've been done.
posted by Sunburnt at 3:20 PM on July 24, 2015


"I still don't know if it should've been done."
When you've noticed that you've watched it five more times over the course of a few hours, helplessly, you'll know that it absolutely should not have been done. I would say more, but I have something I have to do right now.
posted by Don Pepino at 3:26 PM on July 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


No time to talk
posted by a lungful of dragon at 4:28 PM on July 24, 2015


I am a woman with lots of high heels, who wears high heels, but when I do, I tend to travel with flats because lord only knows when I might have to outrun some monster/apocalyptic event. I want to be stylish. I also don't want to have to fight off zombies in the post-apocalyptic wasteland in polka dot stilettos. It's a challenge.
posted by thivaia at 5:20 PM on July 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


"These were Italian."
"Now they're practical."
posted by um at 5:33 PM on July 24, 2015 [1 favorite]


I also saw Jurassic World for the first time yesterday. The high heels didn't bother me one bit, unlike a number of other things about the movie, including [SPOILERS]:

1. A truly lackluster performance by Pratt. At no time did it seem that his character was really emotionally engaged with what was going on. I admit he is a very likable guy in person, but I've seen him in two movies now (this one and Guardians of the Galaxy) and I must be the only person in the world who thinks he's an underwhelming actor.

2. Cliché after cliché after clicheé Rich guy hubris leads to his death and the dinosaur escape - check, the bad guy who wants to use the new technology for military purposes - check, dinosaur sniffs, then goes away only to SURPRISE attack the next second - check, bad guy is killed by the very technology he thought he couldt co-opt - check, military goons refuse to listen to warnings and launch I'll-informed attack and get wiped out - check, children refuse to return when called back and get in trouble, necessitating rescue - check, and even the ridiculous Crocodile Dundee outfit Pratt wears - check). It's like the writers threw darts at a printout of TVTropes.com and wrote the story to fit.

3. How the editing and pacing managed to drain every bit of suspense right out of the movie. What wasn't predictable was paced in such a way that we never really were able to experience dread. The one exception was when they were first examining the claw marks in the cage, but that was swiftly undermined by a too-quick reveal.

4. And one scene that really kinda ticked me off: when Bryce Howard, having just been chastised for her feminine attire, saves Pratt's bacon by knocking the pteranodon off of his back and then shooting it repeatedly to kill it, we have no acknowledgement of her strength and courage. Instead we get a passionate kiss. While we might be tempted to read into this Pratt's tacit acknowledgement of her worth, the message is completely undermined when, only a moment later, the two kids, having witnessed Howard's heroic save, state emphatically that they feel safe specifically with Pratt. At no point is Howard afforded explicit acknowledgement of being a "badass" the way Pratt is, even though she has been heroic throughout the film. And, for that matter, she did it all in high heels. It struck me as a serious weakness in the script.

I vividly remember attending the first Jurassic Park movie - hearing the T. rex roar was a visceral experience. Seeing the ripples in the water cup, the raptor stalking, etc. was the height of suspense. Maybe I just got jaded, but this last one was a real disappointment.

Finally, what the hell has happened to the business model of movie theaters when they have to sell a bottle of water (that is available in the supermarket for 25 cents) for $4.00? The prices are worse than the airport, and those bastards are downright gouging. I hate feeling like a crabby gramps when I stand at the concession counter...(grumble, grumble)
posted by darkstar at 10:22 PM on July 24, 2015 [4 favorites]


I enjoyed this a lot, but I have to say, as someone who wears a lot of heels and occasionally has to run in them, it's actually preferable to be running through the jungle in heels than running in the jungle barefoot. I had more questions about why someone would be wearing that awkward length of skirt in general than why she was wearing that outfit during a previously-unscheduled dino battle.
posted by assenav at 11:53 PM on July 24, 2015


This was my FB status after watching the movie yesterday:
"Never has a pair of high heels chafed me as badly as did Claire's in Jurassic World,"
so I'm loving this.
posted by thebrokedown at 6:22 AM on July 25, 2015


Followed up by:
"Took me COMPLETELY out of the film and they don't show her feet like 98% of the time so I'm like, is she still wearing them?!? Is she BAREFOOT now? Is she clopping along on two broken ones??? So damn annoying. Had I been her, I would have grabbed a pair of sneakers from a tourist at some point."
posted by thebrokedown at 6:23 AM on July 25, 2015


I have two contributions to this thread:

1 - Fred Astaire was great, but Ginger Rogers did everything he did backwards. And in high heels.

2 - Jurassic Park is frightening in the dark.
posted by The Almighty Mommy Goddess at 2:05 PM on July 25, 2015


I remember the grate! The grate was weird! But what were the options? Change her shoes for the whole movie? Remove the grate? Have her carefully take off her shoes before going across?

She works for Tony Stark! She should just have to push a little button and her stilletos transform--chk-chk-chk--into badass running shoes.
posted by straight at 2:53 PM on July 25, 2015 [2 favorites]


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