March 1, 2002 9:10 AM   Subscribe

dRuGs. no really i can handle it....
posted by Spoon (12 comments total)
(with apologies to Eric Clapton)

When you're down on your luck
Don't...give a fuck

When you're in a lurch
In your...draws in church

She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie...
posted by ColdChef at 9:16 AM on March 1, 2002

Shouldn't that be in the Dr. Seuss Thread?
posted by Spoon at 9:17 AM on March 1, 2002

I'm sorry. I gotta admit: I'm a little high.
posted by ColdChef at 9:31 AM on March 1, 2002

The guy in the article clearly has some bigger (or at least additional) problems besides frequent cocaine use. The oldest, most fucked-up cocaine addict I know would still never do anything like that.
posted by bingo at 9:40 AM on March 1, 2002

He said he owned a butchery in Vienna and was returning from a business trip to Milan when he lost his way and landed in Cremona.

Bingo is right. That's simply no excuse.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 9:42 AM on March 1, 2002

When I first read that, I thought it said that he had lost his way and landed in Cremora.

I thought..."Well, it sorta looks like cocaine, but..."
posted by ColdChef at 9:45 AM on March 1, 2002

the guy obviously listens to too much 'godsmack'
posted by blackholebrain at 9:53 AM on March 1, 2002

I swear, if I ever have to stop in Rome midway through a flight and find out I have to stay a night in the city for some reason, it is going to be me, a bathrobe, flip flops, and snorting cocaine off of the emaciated chest of Jesus, held by his mother depicted as a young woman, in Michelangelo's Pieta.

Then I'm gonna slide down those crazy bannisters on the Laurentian library staircase and get gone before those ridiculous european policement catch up to me on their skooters and pogo sticks. Mama mia!
posted by Settle at 9:53 AM on March 1, 2002

ColdChef -- those apologies are rightfully due to J.J.Cale... Eric Clapton's remakes of After Midnight and Cocaine pale by comparison with the originals. Off topic, but I can't bear to have Clapton credited, even in jest, with writing Cale's material. He's the most underappreciated musician I can think of... if you ever get the (rare) opportunity to see him live, don't pass it up.
posted by ludicdruid at 10:17 AM on March 1, 2002

Another JJ Cale fan! Yes, I was about to mention something similar (though without such remonstration, as I am sure the residuals have kept him comfortable).
posted by dhartung at 10:47 AM on March 1, 2002

man in his underwear walks into a bar, i mean church. in italy.

bartender says, i mean priest says, "wtf?"

man says, "i'll have a beer, i mean cocaine."

priest says, "we don't have any cocaine here."

man says, "marone. well, good thing i brought my own."

cops arrive, man kicks them. they arrest him for indecent behavoir and resisting arrest.

priest asks cops, "hey how long will he do for these crimes?"

cops say, "life with a no parole?"

man says, "wtf?"

cops say, "it's easy, a six months for a indecent exposure, a year for a resisting arrest, and life for the a drugs."

priest says, "wtf!"

cops say, "sure, everyone knows, coke adds a life."
posted by tsarfan at 11:41 AM on March 1, 2002

SNL Weekly Update Headline:
Man dressed only in underpants tries snorting cocaine off cathedral altar

Crowd laughs.

Jimmy Fallon -- "What? How do you guys keep from falling asleep in Church?"
posted by uftheory at 12:06 PM on March 1, 2002

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