but why

November 17, 2015 10:36 AM

Let's Get Crunning: The New, More Humiliating Version Of Running

"But I already cry when I run!" you say. "How is this new?" No, it's worse that that. The "cr" is for "crawling." You're crawl-running. You're crunning.

posted by poffin boffin (89 comments total)

I was hoping that this was a next-level portmanteau of running and crunk.
posted by Strange Interlude at 10:40 AM on November 17, 2015 [51 favorites]

Lil Jon's line of toe shoes will be out in time for christmas.
posted by poffin boffin at 10:42 AM on November 17, 2015 [7 favorites]

Luckily I am not a runner so I see no need to attempt this trend
posted by biggreenplant at 10:43 AM on November 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

I was hoping that crunning was a sport where you would eat a dozen cronuts, then run until you collapsed, heaving and weeping. The winner is the one who got the furthest. Or, you know, refused to participate.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:43 AM on November 17, 2015 [30 favorites]

*drops URL into "Real or Satire"*

"NOTHING FOUND"

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
posted by SansPoint at 10:46 AM on November 17, 2015 [58 favorites]

Splendid takedown therein of the toe-shoes fakery.

Glad to see it. A few years ago I tried'em on, really wanted to believe, just couldn't make myself buy them.

As McDougall says in the article linked inside the above story:

" I don't really blame the running shoe companies. Capitalism is based on the idea that people buy shit they don't need. But it's the responsibility of people who know better to question what's being sold."
posted by hank at 10:46 AM on November 17, 2015

You'll be crunning as fast as you can once the kids mark you as an easy target for nut kicks.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:47 AM on November 17, 2015 [10 favorites]

I hope this exercise catches on. I'm almost ready to enter the market with my Deluxe Team Crunning Coach Set (tm) which includes two harnesses, a skateboard, and a whip. The special Limited Holiday Edition includes a few more harnesses and a light up red nose.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 10:48 AM on November 17, 2015 [16 favorites]

I imagined a more cunning way to run; cunning + running = crunning. This scuttling type of thing is not that, though one's back doctor might find it so. Cunning running would be very smooth and very sneaky, and would certainly involve a fedora and a smokey eye.
posted by but no cigar at 10:48 AM on November 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Or, and I'm just spitballing here, no.
posted by Etrigan at 10:54 AM on November 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

I heard this offers even more health benefits if you do it while wearing nothing but a diaper.
posted by indubitable at 10:55 AM on November 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

It's all a cash grab by Kate Bush's people. They're trying to re-release a song called "Crunning Up That Hill" to appeal to her previously untapped Crossfit weirdos demographic.
posted by bitter-girl.com at 10:55 AM on November 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

I prefer crawling to a couch and then crelaxing.
posted by Sing Or Swim at 10:57 AM on November 17, 2015 [8 favorites]

I thought we'd established years ago that the most effective running style, in terms of both aerobic and muscle-building benefits, was the Phoebe.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 10:58 AM on November 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

This perfectly complements the new ergonomic crawling desk that I picked up at Ikea over the weekend. It's called the Florri.
posted by mittens at 10:59 AM on November 17, 2015 [7 favorites]

Crunning is just one of the featured exercises in my new Invisible Obstacle Workout™, but I've opted to call it Duck Wrists©.

Other spasmodic invisible obstacles in my trademarked Invisible Obstacle Workout™ include

• Trip-free High Knees Gauntlet©
• Shadowboxer's No-resistance Punching Bag©
• Imaginary Sour Grapes Automatic Jumping-Jacks Motivator (© pending approval)
• Order now and get a Free Bidet!

posted by carsonb at 11:03 AM on November 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Feh, we were doing this in 1st grade gym class relay races. We smartly decided to move on.
posted by JoeZydeco at 11:03 AM on November 17, 2015

Correction: It's a cash grab by A Flock of Seagulls. "I Cran" will be dropping to itunes, Spotify, Pandora and YouTube within days, just in time to confuse everyone around Thanksgiving.
posted by Major Matt Mason Dixon at 11:03 AM on November 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

Didn't I see this movie and wasn't it called The Human Centipede?
posted by lagomorphius at 11:04 AM on November 17, 2015 [7 favorites]

this post is everything i dreamed it would be and more

thank u all
posted by poffin boffin at 11:05 AM on November 17, 2015 [8 favorites]

Yeah, I've been getting bored with exercising the way my anthropoid ancestors did and running, this kicks it back a whole level to my rodent-like ancestors from like 60 million years ago, sounds like the next big thing.
posted by A dead Quaker at 11:06 AM on November 17, 2015 [5 favorites]

Don't tell; the Kenyans about this.
posted by Postroad at 11:08 AM on November 17, 2015

This would literally be a dream come true for me.

As in, while sleeping, I sometimes dream that I'm running on all fours like an animal. I assume that some vestigial hard-coded mammal memory is getting activated.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 11:08 AM on November 17, 2015 [5 favorites]

Nope.
posted by drezdn at 11:12 AM on November 17, 2015

Oh no thanks I'm good I cran at the office.
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 11:17 AM on November 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

This looks about as useful as my current most aerobic exercise, Arguing With People Out Loud When I'm Alone in the Car.
posted by barchan at 11:18 AM on November 17, 2015 [18 favorites]

I don't understand how this is different from doing a bear crawl. This is just a bear crawl right?
posted by A Bad Catholic at 11:19 AM on November 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

I don't really blame the running shoe companies.

I do. I'll bet some dillweed at Reebok or Nike has a wet shirt from all the salivating over the prospect of doubling their market. Not just special crunning shoes, but also crunning gloves!
posted by bonehead at 11:19 AM on November 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

I imagined a more cunning way to run; cunning + running = crunning.

Is it so crunning you could put a toe shoe on it and call it a crunner?
posted by octobersurprise at 11:23 AM on November 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

Cunning running would be very smooth and very sneaky, and would certainly involve a fedora and a smokey eye.

Actually, it would involve scuttling up the walls of any dimly lit hallway in which you find yourself. Congratulations! You are now a ghost in a J-Horror film!
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:31 AM on November 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

it's just crunts, all the way down
posted by ennui.bz at 11:38 AM on November 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

For advanced crunners, add a customizable weight shell to your back. Available in Snail, Conch, and Limpet. For advanced advanced crunners, add a customizable weight shell and crun inside a large glass bowl. Most laps around the little castle wins. When threatened by would-be nut-kickers, the customizable weight shell provides protection. Simply retract your legs and body into the shell until danger passes.
posted by Kafkaesque at 11:43 AM on November 17, 2015 [12 favorites]

I can't tell if crawl+run crunning is more or less damaging than cry+run crunning. I did an awful lot of cry crunning my first year of grad school because I felt like a good cry was the only appropriate end to what was likely a godawful day, but there were no tears left in my body because 100 hour weeks rendered me into a desiccated husk.

OTOH, there is no video evidence of my shame. Being forced to do something so stupidly humiliating for a trend piece for some crap, underpaid media internship might be the winner for overall worseness.
posted by batbat at 11:44 AM on November 17, 2015

Instead of this I think I'll be getting a special customized FOUR wheel Segway.
posted by sammyo at 11:45 AM on November 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

I'm putting this away under 8-count body builders and everything cross-fit related in the "punishment as excercise" file.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 11:47 AM on November 17, 2015

The only toe-shoes guy I've ever known personally also:

1. Would fall for absolutely any food fad, or at least any food fad built around claims that the things that we think are healthy are actually unhealthy and vice-versa. While I knew him, he went from atkins to paleo to this thing I forget the name of that resulted in him basically eating a microwaved bowl of fish skin and butter for every meal.
2. Also, briefly tried to live off of homebrew Soylent.
3. Absolutely could not remember peoples' names to save his life, but had worked around this by being as confident as possible while using what he thought peoples' names were. We had a mutual friend named Andrew; he called him Adam for years.
4. Thought that Mencius Moldbug had some real good ideas, and would talk about those ideas at length at anyone he could corner.
5. Got a job as a quant based off of the strength of the system he had devised for modeling the price of gold... but really, I'm pretty sure he got a job as a quant based on family connections, because after a couple of years or so he quit that job to start his own hedge fund...
6. with his uncle as the only client.
7. Of course the name of his hedge fund referenced Ayn Rand.

I lost touch with him a few years ago — he had to move out of San Francisco and back into his parents' house in Marin after he lost a giant pile of his own money and the money of others in the MTGOX collapse.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 11:47 AM on November 17, 2015 [22 favorites]

Thing is, this is actually based on a really good exercise. The leopard crawl, or the bear crawl, with your shins parallel to the ground, and the entire core braced, is *hardcore* if you do it properly for more than 20 yards. It's amazing for upper trunk rigidity. Especially if you do it slowly, or backwards, with your back flat and your arse low. Unlike the pictures here: This just looks like another of those Doing Things Slightly Wrong A Lot Until You Really Hurt Yourself model that the rest of CrossFit loves.

I look forward to the merchandise, though.
posted by DangerIsMyMiddleName at 12:00 PM on November 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

robocop is bleeding: The special Limited Holiday Edition includes a few more harnesses and a light up red nose.

"Now Crasher! Now Crancer!
Now, Other Crancer and Crixen!
On, Cromet! On, Crupid!
On, Cronner and Critzen!
To the top of the porch!
To the top of the wall!
Now crash away! Crash away!
Crash away all!"
posted by wenestvedt at 12:02 PM on November 17, 2015 [12 favorites]

Some people call pointe shoes "toe shoes", which made this thread confusingly interesting for a bit.
posted by Karmeliet at 12:03 PM on November 17, 2015 [7 favorites]

Oh god that's my office that's my office get it off me.
posted by Navelgazer at 12:07 PM on November 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

Right, time to work on my new crunning fad book, "Crouch to 5Cray", to be simultaneously released with an accompanying app.
posted by sgranade at 12:08 PM on November 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

Plus also, my wrists are already fragile from decades of keyboard use. Asking them to bear my full body weight is tantamount to joining these folks.
posted by wenestvedt at 12:09 PM on November 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

"He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint."
posted by namespan at 12:10 PM on November 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

I totally misinterpreted what "crunning" meant too, but in a different way and now I have to go change my pants.
posted by Shepherd at 12:14 PM on November 17, 2015

I was hoping that crunning was a sport where you would eat a dozen cronuts, then run until you collapsed, heaving and weeping.

May I introduce you to the Krispy Kreme Challenge?

(I guess that would be krunning though)
posted by showbiz_liz at 12:20 PM on November 17, 2015

You know guys, just because words start with complimentary letters doesn't mean that combining them has to be a thing.
posted by maryr at 12:21 PM on November 17, 2015

I'll see your crunning and raise you some pazuzucrunning [horror contortion/spitting blood warning].
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 12:25 PM on November 17, 2015

> FOUR wheel Segway
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l486tKKIifY
posted by morganw at 12:26 PM on November 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Christ, what a crasshole.
posted by kcds at 12:27 PM on November 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Three things:

1. Crunning doesn't look especially good for you. Perhaps there's a physical form that would make it beneficial, but the videos I've seen don't look good for your back at all, even if you have a solid core already.

2. Bear crawls, on the other hand, when done properly are an amazing, effective and miserable exercise. Highly recommended if you want to work, strength, core and flexibility or if you just hate yourself and think you need to be punished.

3. I have toe shoes, but I never had them for running. I have them because I have stupidly wide feet and they're among the few things that actually feel comfortable for just walking around. Crocs and Berkenstocks also feel pretty good and look just as (and in some cases more) stupid. Basically, all footwear that makes my feet feel good looks stupid.
posted by Joey Michaels at 12:30 PM on November 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

I swear this is exactly how I end up "running" in nightmares. I do not welcome this trend and will not be subscribing to the newsletter.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:32 PM on November 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

For advanced crunners, add a customizable weight shell to your back. Available in Snail, Conch, and Limpet. For advanced advanced crunners, add a customizable weight shell and crun inside a large glass bowl.

And for Star Wars fans, Lucasfilm has licensed the limited-edition Yoda weight pack. Just unscrew Yoda's head and fill him with water to customize the amount of additional weight you're carrying.

Perfect for those spooky swamp cruns.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 12:32 PM on November 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

I swear this is exactly how I end up "running" in nightmares.

Me too. And it never ends well.
posted by three blind mice at 12:34 PM on November 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Me too. And it never ends well.

Oddly, I'm able to move faster that way (in nightmares) than upright running, which feels like I'm being hindered by full-body molasses-like resistance. But yeah, still doesn't end well.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:37 PM on November 17, 2015

I don't actually agree that 5 toed shoes are "bullshit". I really wanted to hate them, but I gave them an honest try and I won't go back to running with traditional running shoes.

I think part of the problem is people that push too hard and/or don't listen to their bodies. When I first got them, yes, they gave me early warning pains of developing stress fractures in my metatarsals, but i backed off the intensity and gave more time between runs and it resolved itself and has not come back after years of use. When I run in padded running shoes, i end up striking my heel first, or (at best) landing with a flat foot, both of which cause shin and knee pain. When I run in the vibrams, I land on the balls of my feet, and it's fine. It does very much change your gait, and perhaps some/many people can't/won't do that? I dunno. I like 'em, i'm gonna be pissed off if they stop selling them, but I don't particularly care if other people like 'em or not. Use what works for you.

When the 5 toe shoes finally vanish, I'll probably switch to those minimalist padding single-toe footmittens; because it's the inch thick wedge of foam high-heel that causes me the problem, not the toe articulation.

(for what it's worth, I'm barefoot most of the time, so.. )
posted by Xyanthilous P. Harrierstick at 12:42 PM on November 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

Is it not remarkable how technology has alienated us, and so we seek to regress to a more primitive form on every front and facet of our daily lives?
posted by Apocryphon at 12:43 PM on November 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Well, all I can say is that I welcome this new development in the science of Creepy Locomotion, which will allow me to resemble an enormous spider more closely than ever before.

Next stage: the Exorcist Crawl.
posted by ostro at 12:44 PM on November 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

This seems like some BDSM scene gone horribly wrong.
posted by PMdixon at 12:45 PM on November 17, 2015

Different people react differently to different running shoes.

I've been running on the Vibram Five Fingers for about 6 years now. I have a bad foot, not bad knees. Traditional running shoes were causing me so many problems that my choices were try some crazy like the Five Fingers or give up running. So I figured I would give the Five Fingers a try. I did hurt my calves two times adjusting the Five Fingers but after I figured them out (not everyone will or, perhaps they don't work for everyone) they have worked very well for me. I've probably run over 20 miles a week on them for the past 6 years. I've had weeks were I've run a 5 10k's in a row. I've done plenty of 10-12 mile run on them.

I really like them.

Still, I would not have recommended them to someone who was just looking to make a change.

My problem is I wear them out pretty quickly (about every 8 months). As Vibram appears to be abandoning the line, I tried switching back to a more traditional shoe this past spring. I tried the Merrell Vapor and the Nike Free. In both cases my foot started hurting again so I went back to the Five Fingers. I hoping to try to retrain my myself on the Merrell Vapors or perhaps I'll have to give up running again.
posted by lowtide at 12:45 PM on November 17, 2015 [4 favorites]

Look, you can walk or run or crawl or whatever, but if you want to get exercise and also move as quickly as possible, you should just long jump repeatedly. Everyone who has ever played Super Mario 64 knows this. I call it Couch to 64k.
posted by oulipian at 12:50 PM on November 17, 2015 [8 favorites]

Barefoot running shoes on urban running surfaces would cause my legs to spontaneously self-amputate. Barefoot running is for beaches or some nice dirt fields or a clay track even.

really concrete should be banned or i should be borne about on a gilded litter by comely strapping youths
posted by poffin boffin at 12:52 PM on November 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

Needs a "todayinintentionaldumbassery" tag.
posted by Halloween Jack at 12:54 PM on November 17, 2015

Good practice if you want to be a goat.
posted by backseatpilot at 12:55 PM on November 17, 2015

Next up:

Sneeking. Walk and sneeze at the same time. Works neck, chest, and shoulders.

Spit-ups. Spit while doing sit ups. Spit to one side then the other. Works neck and chin.

Snorping. Snore while napping. Works nostrils and trachea.

Sprowing. Eat soup while rowing. Works upper body and hand-eye coordination.

Wimming. Weight lift while swimming. If you can keep from drowning it's a great all-over fitness regime. Not recommended for weights over 200lbs.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 12:56 PM on November 17, 2015 [10 favorites]

I can't wait until skipping makes a comeback.
posted by Major Matt Mason Dixon at 12:57 PM on November 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

When I did this, it was called QM for Quadriped Movement, and was done pretty much the way the previous "fitness boot camp" video showed. It's a great workout. I ran the Spartan race at Citizens Bank Park in Philly over the weekend, and a good chunk of the race was going up and down concourse ramps and stairs in exactly that position.
posted by prepmonkey at 12:58 PM on November 17, 2015

I do a similar version, except I crabwalk down a flight of stairs and then vomit at the bottom.

Then I find an astronaut at a party, pee on myself, and tell him he's going to die in space.
posted by maxsparber at 1:14 PM on November 17, 2015 [9 favorites]

Crunning's hard, sure. Some mornings when I'm tying newspapers around my feet I'm like, is it really worth it? But I know that by the 17th mile, having left my palms and my earthly desire far behind me in the dust and ash and filth from whence this vile body came and to which it will one blessed day return, I'm gonna feel totally amazing.

this message sent from my iCilice
posted by generalist at 1:27 PM on November 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

I would absolutely, definitely, never attempt this, as it appears to be some form of exercise.
posted by webmutant at 1:29 PM on November 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

tramps like us, Baby we were born to crun
posted by Area Man at 1:40 PM on November 17, 2015 [6 favorites]

I used to work for a neurologist, who was also a running enthusiast. He told me once of an April Fool's Day story put out by some running magazine. The central premise was that German dominance in running events was the result of their curb running technique; that is, German runners would run with one foot on the curb and the other road level.

In preparation for this comment, I was delighted to discover that this was indeed a real thing, and the highlight for me is 'The editors admitted that O'Bryan left "clues that should have raised our critical eyebrows," including the name given to the curb-running guru: "Jurgena Hirt."'
posted by palindromic at 2:21 PM on November 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Did I have a monopoly on sadistic PE teachers as a kid or is everybody pretending this is new?
posted by BrotherCaine at 2:26 PM on November 17, 2015

Is it better for you than watching every single episode of Guiding Light back-to-back while chain drinking BuzzBallz and eating butter with your hands? I'm no doctor, but I say "probably!"


That's some cracker-jack reporting
posted by Reasonably Everything Happens at 2:29 PM on November 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

This is not exactly a new technique and while it may look silly it's not silly at all.

In Shaolin training we usually call it tiger crawl (though I've seen it referred to as lizard skill as well) and we use it to climb down long steep stairs and slopes. It's very intense and involves the whole body and is incredibly exhausting. That said we don't usually do it on level surfaces though.

Years back when we visited shifu's brothers at the temple I did the whole run of stairs and connecting paths from Shaoshi Peak (by the great Buddha statue above Bodhidharma's cave) all the way down to the bottom of the last set of stairs. Some of these are so steep that you're basically almost in a handstand and your shins keep hitting the steps. It took about 45 minutes. I was completely wiped out.

Now I had spent some time up there in meditation so I was rested before I started. The monks often do this first thing in the morning to warm up. But they run up the mountain and then immediately crawl back down. Not sure how. I think my heart would explode just running up there.

Oh, and no gloves of course. Might as well use this to toughen your hands.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 2:30 PM on November 17, 2015 [3 favorites]

"Is crunning healthier than eating a slab of spam pressed between two pieces of cheesecake?"

There is only one right answer. Get it wrong and I will cut you.
posted by clvrmnky at 2:38 PM on November 17, 2015

Maybe?
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:40 PM on November 17, 2015

Urban Dictionary to the rescue!

TOP DEFINITION
Crunning
The act of taking a crap while running
Guad and Dor love Crunning together as an Olympic sport and hobbie
posted by kanewai at 2:43 PM on November 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

My problem is I wear them out pretty quickly (about every 8 months). As Vibram appears to be abandoning the line, I tried switching back to a more traditional shoe this past spring. I tried the Merrell Vapor and the Nike Free.
Lowtide, I haven't tried the Nikes, but I've found Merrell, and in general the Vibram minimal soles, to wear out quite quickly. Vivobarefoot makes a really robust, light, and flexible shoe. The only downside is the soles are a little harder so there is less traction.
posted by LarsC at 2:58 PM on November 17, 2015

Join us, Cloudchaser. We will walk through the forest and we will cry....
posted by Existential Dread at 3:04 PM on November 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

okay srs question: running in Chuck Taylors. Good idea, bad idea?

My algorithm for acquiring running shoes is as follows: Go to Ross (or equivalent store, ), buy the cheapest sneakers that fit me, without regard to what they look like. I've sort of been tempted by the thought that maybe running in chucks would be a little bit like running in barefoot shoes, but I've been un-tempted by the thought that maybe running in chucks is a terrible, terrible idea.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 3:10 PM on November 17, 2015

Back in 8th grade, on a snow day, our semi-sadistic PE teacher decided we should form up into 10 teams of 6 each and run a relay race once forth and back across the length of the basketball court sized gym -- crawling backward on our hands and feet with our faces upward.

I got assigned to a team at one edge along with the handful of kids least likely to succeed in any physical activity, which was fine since I liked them best anyway, but since I was last in line I knew I would be out there completely alone on the last leg, stumping along and collapsing onto my ass multiple times as everyone else was watching, laughing, and jeering -- with Mr. Greathouse standing behind, wearing his tightest and most ecstatic smile.

When my turn came 'round at last, all the other teams were well ahead, and several had already started back from the other side of the gym. I can't adequately describe the mixture of anxiety and resigned anticipation of inevitable humiliation I felt as I got into position to start as my teammate crossed the line (by 8th grade I'd failed to learn to swim through 3 separate classes, so I had no doubt this was going to be anything but brutal), but I flung myself into it.

And I still have no idea where it came from, but it turned out I could actually run in that position -- sprint, in fact, with my feet kicking out behind and my arms going underneath me as fast as I could move them, and I just shot across that gymnasium. I couldn't have done a conventional sprint all that much faster. Stopping was another matter, however, so I just wrapped my arms around the top of my head and slid. On the return trip, my teammates grabbed my legs as I slid by.

We won by 10 feet, and Mr. Greathouse walked up and stood over me, opened his mouth and closed it again, then shook his head and walked away. No one remarked on my feat at the time or mentioned it to me later. I've never tried to do it again, and I know in my bones I couldn't.
posted by jamjam at 3:27 PM on November 17, 2015 [25 favorites]

This will be great practice for when wheelbarrow races get added to the Olympics, along with Olympic dodgeball, Olympic rope-climbing and Olympic trying not to look hurt when picked last.
posted by rollick at 3:36 PM on November 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

I really wanted this to be about bar crawling. fast crawling while drunk is a competition that I am always interested in
posted by yueliang at 3:48 PM on November 17, 2015

When my mother wanted to criticise my stooped teenage posture, she would sometimes say "Here's me head, me arse is coming!" as I walked around (in a nicer way than that might sound). If crunning takes off like jogging that phrase is basically going to be in my mind forever.
posted by rollick at 3:53 PM on November 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Apocryphon: "Is it not remarkable how technology has alienated us, and so we seek to regress to a more primitive form on every front and facet of our daily lives?"

Except that this follows those Reebok shoes with the big pads under the balls of the feet, and the Skechers with the round bottoms. It's not "technology alienates us", it's simply "grass is greener". Fitness (both weight loss and physical exercise) are hard, but people want an easy fix. So if they're doing things a primitive way and it's not easy/not working, they'll look to technological solutions. If they're doing things in a technological way and it's not easy/not working, they'll look to primitive solutions.

And, outside of fitness: "a more primitive form on every front and facet of our daily lives"? Man, I totally don't see that. Sure, there are hipsters who do the "I only listen to music on vinyl, I only contact my friends by handwritten letter, I use a straight razor and make my own shaving cream" thing, but they're by far the minority.

Greg_Ace: "I swear this is exactly how I end up "running" in nightmares."

Man, until you said that, I had no conscious memory of this, but your comment is like the proverbial madeleine. I am suddenly realizing that I have the "using hands when running" dream a lot. And, yeah, using the hands somehow really speeds me up. In fact, it speeds me up enough that I manage to outrun the explosion/tidal wave/tumbling rubble, turning a nightmare into just an intense dream.
posted by Bugbread at 6:06 PM on November 17, 2015 [1 favorite]

Oh that Bear Crawl video finally flipped the 'WTF' switch in my brain re the Meeting Frances Dolarhyde montage at the beginning of SSN4 of Hannibal. That's what he was doing!
posted by carsonb at 9:09 PM on November 17, 2015

okay srs question: running in Chuck Taylors. Good idea, bad idea?


Bad. I have done this, it was alright foot-strike wise but I ended up with some nasty heel blisters. That's why I mostly stick to New Balance 420 type runners for my retro-sneaker needs now, since you can actually do pretty long runs in them comfortably in a pinch.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 10:13 PM on November 17, 2015 [2 favorites]

Is it better for you than watching every single episode of Guiding Light back-to-back while chain drinking BuzzBallz and eating butter with your hands?

I need definition - are we talking about just the TV version of GL, or are we including the 15 years it was on the radio?
posted by Chrysostom at 7:31 AM on November 18, 2015 [1 favorite]

everything old is new again: quadripedalism
posted by ergomatic at 10:24 AM on November 18, 2015