beard science
January 21, 2016 7:52 AM Subscribe
Surprising, isn't it, what you can find in a beard?
If you were in search of a new, disease-fighting antibiotic, where might you start? In a swamp? A remote island? Well, how about combing beards?
If you were in search of a new, disease-fighting antibiotic, where might you start? In a swamp? A remote island? Well, how about combing beards?
Well I'm no scientist, but my takeaway from this article is that thanks to my beard I am now immune to disease.
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 8:01 AM on January 21, 2016 [13 favorites]
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 8:01 AM on January 21, 2016 [13 favorites]
"The beardless group were more than three times as likely to be harbouring a species known as methicillin-resistant staph aureus on their freshly shaven cheeks."
Sweet. I'm off to the hospital to drape my beard over some babies.
posted by mrjohnmuller at 8:03 AM on January 21, 2016 [9 favorites]
Sweet. I'm off to the hospital to drape my beard over some babies.
posted by mrjohnmuller at 8:03 AM on January 21, 2016 [9 favorites]
Get Sean Connery on the phone, because I have an amazing idea for a sequel to Medicine Man!
"I had the cure for the plague of the 21sht shentury IN MY BEARD AND I LOSHT IT!"
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:05 AM on January 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
"I had the cure for the plague of the 21sht shentury IN MY BEARD AND I LOSHT IT!"
posted by Strange Interlude at 8:05 AM on January 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
Shit, I have knee surgery tomorrow so I shaved my legs this morning... Now I'm wondering if I shouldn't have done that (w/r/t the microabrasions). At least it was with a brand new razor and I have an antiseptic wash I've been instructed to use tonight and again tomorrow morning.
posted by misskaz at 8:05 AM on January 21, 2016
posted by misskaz at 8:05 AM on January 21, 2016
from my upper lip and chin
new biota underpin
these interventions
posted by ursus_comiter at 8:09 AM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
new biota underpin
these interventions
posted by ursus_comiter at 8:09 AM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
Beardicillin I <3 this new word.
I went from short beard to long beard about 3 years ago, and haven't looked back. Been at terminal length for a while now, which is just lower than nipple line on my chest. The peculiar thing about growing my beard out long is that it has somehow changed my life. Like, the way people interact with me, the way I face the world, being recognized by random strangers many months apart at completely unrelated public events...
There is an attitude toward living you have to take if you're going to wear a long beard. You don't do this kind of thing casually, because you really do stick out and make an impression. It's been nothing but beneficial in my life (aside from occasionally getting caught in a zipper).
Now I know I'm a disease fighting superstar, too! All because of my beard! Yay!
posted by hippybear at 8:09 AM on January 21, 2016 [11 favorites]
I went from short beard to long beard about 3 years ago, and haven't looked back. Been at terminal length for a while now, which is just lower than nipple line on my chest. The peculiar thing about growing my beard out long is that it has somehow changed my life. Like, the way people interact with me, the way I face the world, being recognized by random strangers many months apart at completely unrelated public events...
There is an attitude toward living you have to take if you're going to wear a long beard. You don't do this kind of thing casually, because you really do stick out and make an impression. It's been nothing but beneficial in my life (aside from occasionally getting caught in a zipper).
Now I know I'm a disease fighting superstar, too! All because of my beard! Yay!
posted by hippybear at 8:09 AM on January 21, 2016 [11 favorites]
or Penn Station Men's room toilet
... from the 70s!
posted by ursus_comiter at 8:15 AM on January 21, 2016
... from the 70s!
posted by ursus_comiter at 8:15 AM on January 21, 2016
The peculiar thing about growing my beard out long is that it has somehow changed my life. Like, the way people interact with me, the way I face the world, being recognized by random strangers many months apart at completely unrelated public events...
There is an attitude toward living you have to take if you're going to wear a long beard. You don't do this kind of thing casually, because you really do stick out and make an impression.
Yea, my dad has ZZ Top length beard and he draws attention anywhere he goes. I think most people assume extreme things, either mega-hippy or crazy-hillbilly (and he's probably a bit of both to be honest), but all the direct interactions it has sparked have been positive. From random hipsters, "Diggin' your beard man", to more serious conversations and connections, it really is neat to see his beard in action, despite the soup, crumbs, and chewing tobacco bits that occasionally hang around in it.
posted by RolandOfEld at 8:16 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
There is an attitude toward living you have to take if you're going to wear a long beard. You don't do this kind of thing casually, because you really do stick out and make an impression.
Yea, my dad has ZZ Top length beard and he draws attention anywhere he goes. I think most people assume extreme things, either mega-hippy or crazy-hillbilly (and he's probably a bit of both to be honest), but all the direct interactions it has sparked have been positive. From random hipsters, "Diggin' your beard man", to more serious conversations and connections, it really is neat to see his beard in action, despite the soup, crumbs, and chewing tobacco bits that occasionally hang around in it.
posted by RolandOfEld at 8:16 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
As we say in Yiddish, on a friend's beard it is good to learn how to shave.
They can deal with the stupid staph infections.
posted by maxsparber at 8:27 AM on January 21, 2016
They can deal with the stupid staph infections.
posted by maxsparber at 8:27 AM on January 21, 2016
Two owls and a hen! Four larks and a wren!
posted by eclectist at 8:32 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by eclectist at 8:32 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
I split my chin open a few weeks ago in a unlikely accident involving a red wagon and conservation of momentum vicious barfight with a wolverine, and was left with the prospect of either sporting a 3-inch-wide unshaved patch around the stitches, or going whole-hog and letting that magnificent beauty grow in everywhere. I chose the latter, and have been taunted endlessly by pretty much everyone I know ever since. BUT WE'LL SEE WHO'S LAUGHING NOW.
Dear AskMe: does it always itch like this? How the hell do you eat soup without getting soup in it? Do you eventually develop a sixth sense for when there's soup in it? Because I can't tell when there's soup in it, until I glance at a mirror and realize I've been sporting food debris since lunch. Come to think of it, could the food debris be incubating the super-anti-biotics? BRB, off to find a petri dish.
posted by Mayor West at 8:38 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
Dear AskMe: does it always itch like this? How the hell do you eat soup without getting soup in it? Do you eventually develop a sixth sense for when there's soup in it? Because I can't tell when there's soup in it, until I glance at a mirror and realize I've been sporting food debris since lunch. Come to think of it, could the food debris be incubating the super-anti-biotics? BRB, off to find a petri dish.
posted by Mayor West at 8:38 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
Mayor West: It should not always itch -- when you shave, the hairs are shorn off into sharp points that will not irritate as they grow further out from the skin. If itching continues, look at using conditioner in your beard to soften the hairs. You eat soup very carefully (I am fastidious about not having food in my beard, but it makes for finding alternate food choices or being very conscious of how spoons and forks and foods work when entering your mouth). I also ask for extra bar napkins when getting a pint of beer or a cup of coffee because long moustache = dripping liquid. It all takes practice and foresight, but eventually you can eat a bowl of broccoli cheese soup without wearing it later if you just look at the bottom of the spoon and make sure there are no drips before approaching your mouth.
posted by hippybear at 8:44 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 8:44 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
I feel like there would be a decent market for a beard bib that didn't look ridiculous.
posted by poffin boffin at 8:45 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by poffin boffin at 8:45 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
Combing my beard is asking way too much of me.
posted by srboisvert at 8:46 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by srboisvert at 8:46 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
I feel like there would be a decent market for a beard bib that didn't look ridiculous.
There is, of course, the classic 1920s moustache cup.
posted by hippybear at 8:49 AM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
There is, of course, the classic 1920s moustache cup.
posted by hippybear at 8:49 AM on January 21, 2016 [3 favorites]
Itchiness is the main reason I got rid of my whiskers so many years ago. An uncle just recently shaved his off after 40+ years as well. It's one of the things he doesn't miss either. It's worse if you're active. Life is better if you wash it the same as any hair on your head, shampoo every day and condition, not soap.
Even so, mine was always slightly itchy.
posted by bonehead at 9:05 AM on January 21, 2016
Even so, mine was always slightly itchy.
posted by bonehead at 9:05 AM on January 21, 2016
Shel Silverstein on having a beard
Every month or so my grooming cycle leaves me with a bald head and a fairly thick beard from the top of my ear on down, a situation mrs. per flower refers to as “rocking the Shel.”
posted by miles per flower at 9:19 AM on January 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
Every month or so my grooming cycle leaves me with a bald head and a fairly thick beard from the top of my ear on down, a situation mrs. per flower refers to as “rocking the Shel.”
posted by miles per flower at 9:19 AM on January 21, 2016 [4 favorites]
Dang, my beard is too short to stuff into that root channel that they'll start working on tomorrow morning.
But yes, I noticed, my bearded area is entirely without hideous infections. It's like magic. Hairy Potter comes to mind.
posted by Namlit at 9:25 AM on January 21, 2016
But yes, I noticed, my bearded area is entirely without hideous infections. It's like magic. Hairy Potter comes to mind.
posted by Namlit at 9:25 AM on January 21, 2016
Eating soup with a mustache is quite a strain.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:48 AM on January 21, 2016 [7 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:48 AM on January 21, 2016 [7 favorites]
My secret to both itch relief and food debris is judicious trimming.
I find if I let my beard grow longer than a couple of inches, it gets very itchy. But, then, I'm prone to dandruff, and trapped dander is certainly a factor in the itching. (Obviously, I wash it with soap and water daily, regardless of length. But beard hair grows much thicker than head hair, so scrubbing only goes so far in removing the dander once it gets beyond a certain length.)
As for food debris, I trim around my mouth pretty regularly to make sure nothing gets too long down there. It's mostly the mustache that causes problems, so just leave a little bit of clearance. Mind you, I'm talking about trimming, not shaving. Other than that, I always keep a napkin close at hand for frequent wiping, but that's a habit I had even when beardless.
posted by tobascodagama at 10:04 AM on January 21, 2016
I find if I let my beard grow longer than a couple of inches, it gets very itchy. But, then, I'm prone to dandruff, and trapped dander is certainly a factor in the itching. (Obviously, I wash it with soap and water daily, regardless of length. But beard hair grows much thicker than head hair, so scrubbing only goes so far in removing the dander once it gets beyond a certain length.)
As for food debris, I trim around my mouth pretty regularly to make sure nothing gets too long down there. It's mostly the mustache that causes problems, so just leave a little bit of clearance. Mind you, I'm talking about trimming, not shaving. Other than that, I always keep a napkin close at hand for frequent wiping, but that's a habit I had even when beardless.
posted by tobascodagama at 10:04 AM on January 21, 2016
my dad has ZZ Top length beard and he draws attention anywhere he goes. I think most people assume extreme things, either mega-hippy or crazy-hillbilly
Ha! Billy Gibbons' beard is longer, but mine is older.
While you can never step into the same river twice, I've worn essentially the same beard since doing a brief stretch in the kitchens in the early 1970s.
Dear AskMe: does it always itch like this?
Mine doesn't itch at all and never has.
How the hell do you eat soup without getting soup in it?
I generally aim for my mouth, and find that I generally hit the bullseye every time. Maybe try smaller bites, and a slower, more cautious approach.
Do you eventually develop a sixth sense for when there's soup in it?
Hmm. I guess.
My great grandfather wore long long Freewheeling Franklin Freak - style moustachios, loved to eat and loved to drink beer, and was fastidious about his personal appearance.
He carried one or more white linen handkerchiefs on his person at all times, and wiped each side after every bite (or quaff). After every bite.
There is, of course, the classic 1920s moustache cup.
Great grand-dad disdained such modern contrivances.
posted by Herodios at 10:14 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
Ha! Billy Gibbons' beard is longer, but mine is older.
While you can never step into the same river twice, I've worn essentially the same beard since doing a brief stretch in the kitchens in the early 1970s.
Dear AskMe: does it always itch like this?
Mine doesn't itch at all and never has.
How the hell do you eat soup without getting soup in it?
I generally aim for my mouth, and find that I generally hit the bullseye every time. Maybe try smaller bites, and a slower, more cautious approach.
Do you eventually develop a sixth sense for when there's soup in it?
Hmm. I guess.
My great grandfather wore long long Freewheeling Franklin Freak - style moustachios, loved to eat and loved to drink beer, and was fastidious about his personal appearance.
He carried one or more white linen handkerchiefs on his person at all times, and wiped each side after every bite (or quaff). After every bite.
There is, of course, the classic 1920s moustache cup.
Great grand-dad disdained such modern contrivances.
posted by Herodios at 10:14 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
I'm just going to link to this comment from sonascope.
posted by exogenous at 10:15 AM on January 21, 2016 [6 favorites]
posted by exogenous at 10:15 AM on January 21, 2016 [6 favorites]
Yes the feeling of having the wind blow through your beard is really something, also I know what spaces I can reliably snake my body through with just a simple beard test.
If you get beard dandruff, try a beard oil to condition the beard and skin - they make fancy ones named things like Captain Fancyman's Artisinal Beard Rejuvinator or whatever for hipster idiots but you can just pick up some jojoba oil or sweetgrass and have the same effect for pennies on the dollar, and add your own essential oils for scent if you want. My favorite beard oil was some Argan oil I got for five bucks from the local place that sells factory-second clothing. I choose not to think about what factory-second cosmetic oils entail. A deal is a deal!
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 10:18 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
If you get beard dandruff, try a beard oil to condition the beard and skin - they make fancy ones named things like Captain Fancyman's Artisinal Beard Rejuvinator or whatever for hipster idiots but you can just pick up some jojoba oil or sweetgrass and have the same effect for pennies on the dollar, and add your own essential oils for scent if you want. My favorite beard oil was some Argan oil I got for five bucks from the local place that sells factory-second clothing. I choose not to think about what factory-second cosmetic oils entail. A deal is a deal!
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 10:18 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
how are you people eating soup that you are getting it in your beard
are you suspended upside-down from some kind of apparatus
posted by shakespeherian at 10:44 AM on January 21, 2016
are you suspended upside-down from some kind of apparatus
posted by shakespeherian at 10:44 AM on January 21, 2016
Sorry, the first rule of Bearded Soup-Eaters Club is: You do not talk about Bearded Soup-Eaters Club.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:04 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:04 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
soup straws
posted by poffin boffin at 11:23 AM on January 21, 2016
posted by poffin boffin at 11:23 AM on January 21, 2016
Bearded men spit soup into each others mouths that's common knowledge come on.
posted by maxsparber at 11:25 AM on January 21, 2016
posted by maxsparber at 11:25 AM on January 21, 2016
Yeah, but the suspension apparatus involved is a trade secret.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:26 AM on January 21, 2016
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:26 AM on January 21, 2016
(We're auditioning for a spot in the next Cirque du Soleil)
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:28 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:28 AM on January 21, 2016 [2 favorites]
In the immortal words of Pig Pen, "Sort of makes you want to treat me with more respect, doesn't it?"
posted by milnews.ca at 11:35 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by milnews.ca at 11:35 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
The trick is to eat only beard soup that way no one can tell.
posted by valkane at 11:40 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by valkane at 11:40 AM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
I started growing out a goatee and I stopped getting zits and blemishes on the skin. I just assumed all the extra skin oil was getting wicked away by the hair.
posted by JoeZydeco at 11:46 AM on January 21, 2016
posted by JoeZydeco at 11:46 AM on January 21, 2016
Beardicillin: kiss me for health.
The first two or three weeks are crazy itchy, but after that there shouldn't be any itching at all. Food shouldn't be an issue if you can aim a spoon at your mouth even somewhat accurately, though I did meet one guy with a super droopy mustache that hung down below his bottom lip. It was like baleen and I wanted to see him eat to see if he used it as a soup strainer.
The longest I've managed was about three inches, but then it just started getting too hot. It was my fault for timing growing it long with the summer heat, I should grow it long in the winter instead. It definitely feels weird to have something that long hanging off your face, though. I agree with the whiskers comparison, I could feel breezes with it. I got tired of the heat and of the care -- as it grows, you start having to take care of it just like long hair, whereas a shorter beard is effortless.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:29 PM on January 21, 2016
The first two or three weeks are crazy itchy, but after that there shouldn't be any itching at all. Food shouldn't be an issue if you can aim a spoon at your mouth even somewhat accurately, though I did meet one guy with a super droopy mustache that hung down below his bottom lip. It was like baleen and I wanted to see him eat to see if he used it as a soup strainer.
The longest I've managed was about three inches, but then it just started getting too hot. It was my fault for timing growing it long with the summer heat, I should grow it long in the winter instead. It definitely feels weird to have something that long hanging off your face, though. I agree with the whiskers comparison, I could feel breezes with it. I got tired of the heat and of the care -- as it grows, you start having to take care of it just like long hair, whereas a shorter beard is effortless.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:29 PM on January 21, 2016
are you astronauts
is that how the soup gets in your beards
posted by shakespeherian at 7:32 PM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
is that how the soup gets in your beards
posted by shakespeherian at 7:32 PM on January 21, 2016 [1 favorite]
are you astronauts
Nope, just enthusiastic gourmands.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:44 PM on January 21, 2016
Nope, just enthusiastic gourmands.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:44 PM on January 21, 2016
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