Bad News Beards

October 3, 2014 8:03 AM

Who's the hairiest team in baseball? The Washington Post weighted the style of facial hair, or lack thereof, of all active ballplayers on a scale of 0 to 8 — zero being clean shaven, eight being the grizzliest — then calculated the average hairiness of each team.
posted by troika (22 comments total)

It's...it's beautiful
posted by capricorn at 8:13 AM on October 3, 2014 [2 favorites]

Where do I direct my philanthropic donations in order to further this important and valuable research in other sports?
posted by poffin boffin at 8:13 AM on October 3, 2014 [3 favorites]

Fun fact: Jayson Werth was an extra in The Road.
posted by crank at 8:19 AM on October 3, 2014 [1 favorite]

Aww what no actual pictures?
posted by Quilford at 8:20 AM on October 3, 2014 [1 favorite]

Troika, helpfully derailing my "I'm just going to put baseball out of my mind for the next hour and try to get some work done" plan.

/paces around office anxiously
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 8:21 AM on October 3, 2014 [2 favorites]

There's something vaguely creepy about the fact that they catalogued this....
posted by schmod at 8:42 AM on October 3, 2014

Excuse me
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:42 AM on October 3, 2014 [1 favorite]

GO NATS
DEATH TO THE NON BEARD-LIEVERS
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:45 AM on October 3, 2014 [7 favorites]

Okay, first of all, playoff beards is something baseball has totally ripped off from hockey (pics within for those who want them). And I challenge your so called baseball beards with NHL player Brent Burns, who has more facial hair than entire MLB teams.
posted by barchan at 8:45 AM on October 3, 2014 [1 favorite]

Playoff beards aside if James Harden and Brian Wilson were to somehow merge or breed it would result in the best post-season athlete of all time.
posted by vapidave at 8:52 AM on October 3, 2014

Twins > Trevor Plouffe > Full Beard
He runs the gamut from clean shaven to full beard, with lots of stubble in between.
posted by soelo at 9:23 AM on October 3, 2014

i'm going to sound like i live under a rock for not knowing this but- the yankees have a mandatory clean-cut policy!? that's draconian!

do they require eyebrow plucking? and what about pubes? leg and arm hair?
posted by ghostbikes at 9:23 AM on October 3, 2014

I'm old enough to remember Steinbrenner giving Mattingly grief over his facial hair.
posted by Renoroc at 9:27 AM on October 3, 2014

Way too much facial hair in baseball these days for my taste.
posted by blucevalo at 9:36 AM on October 3, 2014

ROLLIE FINGERS HAD THE MOST GLORIOUS BB FACIAL HAIR OF ALL TIME! (Winfield, Boggs and Mattingly come in next)
posted by symbioid at 9:40 AM on October 3, 2014

and what about pubes?

Everyone knows the Yankees have no genitalia and therefore no need for pubes.
posted by Gungho at 10:09 AM on October 3, 2014 [3 favorites]

Shave those sideburns!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oi_5lXIT5AY
posted by Gungho at 10:10 AM on October 3, 2014 [1 favorite]

Everyone knows the Yankees have no genitalia and therefore no need for pubes.

Except for A-Rod. He's a big dick.
posted by slogger at 10:27 AM on October 3, 2014

oh playoff beards, majestic play off beards, is there anything sexier?
posted by PinkMoose at 11:07 AM on October 3, 2014

These aren't really playoff beards, seeing as how they wear them all season.
posted by dirigibleman at 1:16 PM on October 3, 2014

If you want my respect you have to grow a rally beard.
posted by srboisvert at 6:42 PM on October 3, 2014

*trombone*
posted by SisterHavana at 12:06 AM on October 4, 2014