Power Animals Unleashed!
February 3, 2016 2:44 PM   Subscribe

Unleash your Power Animal. Hover you mouse over the picture. When you feel the primal move you, click to learn your Power Animal. You can even hear its song in FULL SYNTH GLORY!

NOTICE: Do not use while on medication. Clear chakras before use. Song may get stuck in your head. Site is not liable for users renouncing their mortal lives to live as gorillas, tigers, elephants, dolphins or what have you in the Enchanted Forest. Site understands the likelihood of being a forest dolphin is slim. Site is not responsible for your Power Song becoming your unique theme music and following you wherever you go. Site does not recommend a zoo visit with 24 hours of use. Power Animals are not to be used for evil, but as they are animals they do not understand the concept so go nuts, Kraven. Do not dress as your Power Animal without discussing it with your significant other. If you disagree with your Power Animal you may request a new one by defeating it in either unarmed combat or a game of riddles. If you are a unicorn, you may use one of the following animals - horse, donkey, zebra - with a carrot taped to its head instead of an actual unicorn. No refunds.
posted by robocop is bleeding (58 comments total) 17 users marked this as a favorite
 
Um I got the Orca. In the forest. I think I'm in trouble, call Greenpeace.
posted by Splunge at 2:48 PM on February 3, 2016 [3 favorites]


Only $28 for my very own elephant energy stone!

"I have personally performed an energy-transfer ceremony on each Power Animal Energy Stone. It holds the vibrant energy of the power animal to refill and refresh your own." Carrie Hart
posted by blakewest at 2:51 PM on February 3, 2016


Wolf. Aroooooo says the song.
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:51 PM on February 3, 2016


ok i got raccoon and the song is not half bad, minus the raccoon screeching. new ringtone for sure
posted by burgerrr at 2:54 PM on February 3, 2016 [4 favorites]


0.99 for my very own PDF that I can print on my very own quality paper to remind myself all day long that the power of the Horse is within me!
posted by narancia at 2:55 PM on February 3, 2016 [3 favorites]


You heard about this on this week's Mysterious Universe didn't you?
posted by WidgetAlley at 2:57 PM on February 3, 2016 [1 favorite]


Also, I got the seagull, which... annoying, loud, and eats garbage. That sounds about right.
posted by WidgetAlley at 2:58 PM on February 3, 2016 [6 favorites]


Yeahhhhhhhh, I'm a unicorn, fools
posted by kittens for breakfast at 2:59 PM on February 3, 2016 [7 favorites]


"I was initiated into shamanism when a woman asked me to conduct a spiritual healing session. I was about to answer that I didn’t do that, when Running Wolf showed up in my mind and told me that yes, we could and would do that for her. After some years as his apprentice, we became a shaman team." -Carrie Hart

Um, that's not how shamanism works, though...
posted by Bob Regular at 3:02 PM on February 3, 2016 [1 favorite]


ok i got raccoon and the song is not half bad, minus the raccoon screeching. new ringtone for sure

You need to internalize the screech to unlock the full power of your spirit animal.
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:03 PM on February 3, 2016 [2 favorites]


Where's Zoo keeper Steve when you need him?
posted by davemee at 3:06 PM on February 3, 2016


You heard about this on this week's Mysterious Universe didn't you?

Indeed. Like Ben and Aaron I was heartbroken that this site has been down for a year as I felt a strong calling to share with my fellow denizens of the Blue Enchanted Forest. I guess it's just the buffalo in me.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 3:06 PM on February 3, 2016 [2 favorites]


*turns on DJ Khalid voice*
*ahem*

LION!
posted by Solon and Thanks at 3:08 PM on February 3, 2016


animals: lion; horse; elephant; panther; seagull; tiger; dolphin; bear; doe; tortoise; wolf; owl; fox; gorilla; giraffe; unicorn; zebra; swan; buffalo; cougar; koala; rhino; buck; lioness; eagle; peacock; leopard; polarbear; orca; camel; butterfly; raccoon; squirrel.

who wants to be a crummy squirrel? where's the killer hippo?
posted by andrewcooke at 3:14 PM on February 3, 2016


cower before this lioness, all ye lesser animals!!!! except you, orca, you're cool
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 3:19 PM on February 3, 2016 [2 favorites]


Hmmm, I must have been shunted to some sub version of the site, because apparently my power animal is the deer tick -- watch out, you suckees!
posted by jamjam at 3:22 PM on February 3, 2016 [2 favorites]


I want to be a squirrel! "Your money worries are over, for the squirrel will teach you how to manage your resources." If only "resources" meant money and not nuts. I'm pretty good at managing nuts.
posted by WordCannon at 3:22 PM on February 3, 2016 [3 favorites]


Rhino.

"You hold great power now, which you may release at will"

Definitely true... I was sitting on the can when I clicked.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 3:23 PM on February 3, 2016 [10 favorites]


"Just breathe in your rhino power,"

Yeah, um, no, was kinda actively trying not to.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 3:25 PM on February 3, 2016 [3 favorites]


Hmm, I'm an owl, and apparently also Insight Queen of the World:

The owl brings you wisdom as well as great powers of perception and intuition. Welcome her into your heart and life gladly!

The owl has very keen hearing and vision, enabling her to perceive what others cannot. With her powers within you, you will be able to penetrate the darkness with your intuitive senses. You will see through deception and illusion. You will uncover all mysteries and bring truth to light.

posted by bearwife at 3:32 PM on February 3, 2016


Trochanter. "Buck" Trochanter.
posted by Trochanter at 3:34 PM on February 3, 2016 [2 favorites]


I keep trying but no penguin. Fight Club lied to me!
posted by Splunge at 3:46 PM on February 3, 2016


Camel. Hmm. Well I did smoke a pack a day for a few years.
posted by Daily Alice at 3:47 PM on February 3, 2016


Gosh, I'm conflicted, because there is something about this that is so fundamentally good-natured. Like that Spielberg film with the little UFOs. I just can't bring myself to criticize, even though I know the wider scientific internet demands tribute.
posted by circular at 3:48 PM on February 3, 2016 [5 favorites]


The wider scientific internet can eat my horrrrrrn
posted by kittens for breakfast at 3:53 PM on February 3, 2016 [7 favorites]


I got the cougar? But I don't date younger men!
(also, shittybauble is an awesome tag)
posted by The Ardship of Cambry at 3:53 PM on February 3, 2016


Needs more Final Countdown.
posted by Nanukthedog at 4:09 PM on February 3, 2016


"I have personally performed an energy-transfer ceremony on each Power Animal Energy Stone.
It holds the vibrant energy of the power animal to refill and refresh your own." Carrie Hart
This seems way more likely to be true than that a televangelist would actually pray over the little prayer cloth you get if you send him $100 of your Social Security check.
posted by edheil at 4:27 PM on February 3, 2016 [4 favorites]


BUFFALO

All I have to say about that is that Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.
posted by mrbigmuscles at 4:40 PM on February 3, 2016 [1 favorite]


I clicked five times in the exact same spot and got five different spirit animals. Does that mean I am five times better than you?

Probably.
posted by Kafkaesque at 4:41 PM on February 3, 2016


Let's talk about the elephant in the room, shall we? That elephant is me, and I'm in the room. The forest, really, but it's like a room, only bigger and more full of trees. Anyway, elephant.
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:43 PM on February 3, 2016 [5 favorites]


As an Orca I was very happy to find a dolphin in the forest. Yummy. Now where the hell is the water?
posted by Splunge at 4:58 PM on February 3, 2016



> The Koala Energy Stone is not only beautiful, but is full of powerful Koala energy.

I need this.
posted by anti social order at 5:24 PM on February 3, 2016 [4 favorites]


I really don't like to swim, and it only makes sense to me to find a forest animal in the forest.

An orca?

OH NOES! I think my spirit animal is whale snack!
posted by BlueHorse at 5:52 PM on February 3, 2016


The Bear song is all light and suspenseful and then the bear screams and i'm dying
posted by brecc at 6:05 PM on February 3, 2016 [5 favorites]


This is invalid. I already know that my power animal is the domestic cat.
posted by wotsac at 6:19 PM on February 3, 2016


I clicked five times in the exact same spot and got five different spirit animals. Does that mean I am five times better than you?

You're a horrifying chimera nightmare. Congratulations!
posted by Solon and Thanks at 6:55 PM on February 3, 2016 [3 favorites]


I was sitting on the can when I clicked.
posted by Hairy Lobster

Eponys... hey, where is everybody going?
posted by datawrangler at 7:00 PM on February 3, 2016 [1 favorite]


i got the lion which makes sense because he looks like my big softie cat
posted by Greg Nog at 7:37 PM on February 3, 2016 [1 favorite]


Owl? I'm down. Owls are cool. I prefer crows, but if that's not an option...
posted by rifflesby at 8:05 PM on February 3, 2016


I got Ric Flair?
posted by T.D. Strange at 8:13 PM on February 3, 2016



The koala is also an excellent sleeper. If ever you have trouble sleeping, pull in koala energy and let it infuse you and allow you to sleep long and peacefully, no matter where you are. Just wedge your furry, padded bottom into that tree, breathe in the koala power and doze peacefully, knowing that you are exactly as you should be, right now, in this warm cocoon of koala life. Ah, how blessed you are!

... I have narcolepsy without cataplexy, and excessive daytime tiredness. Yep. Totally right power animal.
posted by strixus at 8:35 PM on February 3, 2016 [2 favorites]


Owl.
I work at night, and I wear glasses.
I had a moment once with one of the owls at the aviary.
Never puked up a mouse skull, though.
I'll take it, but the song's kinda weak.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 8:40 PM on February 3, 2016 [1 favorite]


Like that Spielberg film with the little UFOs.
War of the Close Encounters of the Extraterrestrial Crystal Skull?
posted by knuckle tattoos at 9:41 PM on February 3, 2016 [2 favorites]


I clicked way up in the trees and got a rhino.

Most people don't know about tree rhinos, because it never occurred to anyone to look for rhinos in trees.
posted by eye of newt at 9:45 PM on February 3, 2016 [3 favorites]


I didn't get cat. Clearly broken.
posted by soakimbo at 9:50 PM on February 3, 2016 [1 favorite]


I'm pretty depressed so this was good. I was like "Awwwwww. Animals." *single tear* *more tears, but at least they are happy tears*
posted by wwwwolf at 9:59 PM on February 3, 2016


I am so not a butterfly. Song sounds like it is from a Chinese tv commercial for air freshener.
posted by boilermonster at 10:17 PM on February 3, 2016


Expecto Patronum!
posted by carmicha at 10:48 PM on February 3, 2016




The Song of the Unicorn is... a solo horn. Wah wah waaaaah...
I also dig the mellow jazz stylings of the Song of the Buffalo. I might need a playlist of these.
posted by Erasmouse at 11:17 PM on February 3, 2016


I am a POLAR BEAR. That is Awesome enough that I now fully subscribe to all these beliefs. RRAARRAARGH.
posted by AFII at 11:44 PM on February 3, 2016


I got the doe. You know, a deer -- a female deer.
posted by bryon at 11:53 PM on February 3, 2016


Slide.
posted by lon_star at 1:55 AM on February 4, 2016 [1 favorite]


I'm also a polar bear, and I'm particularly pleased because one of their powers is insulation. They must have been able to tell this is my power animal because of my thick layer of fur which traps air close to my skin and slows heat loss by minimizing radiation and conduction!
posted by ChuraChura at 5:29 AM on February 4, 2016 [1 favorite]


That's not what the fox says.
posted by Splunge at 12:23 PM on February 4, 2016


I got the Blair Witch?
posted by turbid dahlia at 2:32 PM on February 4, 2016


HAH I got bear.

I just had a bear tattooed onto my head.

SPOOKY.

(more spooky is that the pwoer of the bear is all about seasons and knowing them and that is totes my go to metaphor to explain why sometimes I work and sometimes I think)
posted by geek anachronism at 3:52 PM on February 4, 2016


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