Wisconsin teledildonics

February 13, 2016 12:05 PM

"We grew up pretty conservative," she recalls. "My parents kept us away from everything. Now everything we do is a sin." Meet Chris Johns and Tabitha Rae, the God-fearing Wisconsin couple who, if web glitches, fiercely defended patents, and a shortage of Novint Falcons don't stop them, are going to build the future of remote fucking right here in the Upper Midwest.
posted by escabeche (15 comments total)

But in the realm of teledildonics, that which is possible is not easily done.

The next time I have to give a PowerPoint presentation at work, this is the inspirational quote that's going in the first slide.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 12:10 PM on February 13, 2016 [6 favorites]

“God made Domino’s get robbed before she found the coke or the gun.”

Where do I get a God like that? Which religion is it? Sounds nice!
posted by bitteschoen at 12:23 PM on February 13, 2016 [1 favorite]

Where do I get a God like that? Which religion is it? Sounds nice!

"In Domino's patris et filii et spiritus sancti."
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 12:34 PM on February 13, 2016 [18 favorites]

He finally got the message from up above, he says. “Why else would these things have happened?”

God has appointed them to bring His desired teledildonic solution to the masses? There's so much to unpack there...

(If every improbably successful venture was blessed by God personally, Trump must be practically a saint)
posted by BungaDunga at 1:08 PM on February 13, 2016

Teledildonics wasn't Scott Walker's brief presidential campaign? You know. Because he was still fucking Wisconsin remotely.
posted by Talez at 1:13 PM on February 13, 2016 [6 favorites]

It's always strange to see articles like this wherein a business owner is grousing about some other associate because an impending important deal is going sour. "This will help smooth the road a bit, complaining about it for this article."
posted by user92371 at 1:33 PM on February 13, 2016

There's a strip club in Middleton??
posted by desjardins at 1:42 PM on February 13, 2016 [2 favorites]

I was hoping the title was the name of the company, like General Atomics or US Steel.
posted by the man of twists and turns at 4:51 PM on February 13, 2016 [1 favorite]

I was hoping the title was the name of the company, like General Atomics or US Steel.

Mmm. Bigger than US Steel?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:53 PM on February 13, 2016

The same kind of background that gave us the first writing team of the Onion.
posted by ocschwar at 7:20 PM on February 13, 2016

Half the fun is trying to work out exactly how a God-fearing Christian couple - who happen to be interested in the tele-dildonics - would intend people to parse the (NSFW) domain name, "doitchristyle". Are we talking about a type of inventively spelled crystal called "doit", a crystal that one is invited to "do" - or something Jesus got up to somewhere deep in the biblical apocrypha?
posted by rongorongo at 1:19 AM on February 14, 2016

Data on 1,700 paid clients was lost when a surge in traffic fried his servers due to inadequate bandwidth. Recovering the data, says Rae, cost “thousands of dollars.”

Must have been quite a surge - probably blew off a data gasket and flooded his server with bits.
posted by Dr Dracator at 3:21 AM on February 14, 2016 [8 favorites]

A bit of Internet research suggests that there are much more interesting gadgets available. Kiiroo and Lovesense seem to have turn key packages. There are also a large number of wifi/Bluetooth capable dildos and masterbators on the various China direct websites. These even include a google cardboard headset where you can view VR porn from your smartphone and sync it to the experience.

I don't have any direct experience with these gadgets. However they look to be more portable and private than the device in the OP above. Also it seems like the special purpose built nature would be more effective.
posted by humanfont at 9:57 AM on February 14, 2016

mandolin conspiracy: "Where do I get a God like that? Which religion is it? Sounds nice!

"In Domino's patris et filii et spiritus sancti.""

Domino's Nabisco, Domino's Nabisco, Domino's Nabisco, doooooooublestuuuuuuuuf.
posted by Samizdata at 11:08 AM on February 14, 2016

You know, despite teledildonics, I bet I still couldn't get lucky, not even tele-lucky. Either the kit breaks down, or my DSL is too slow, or....
posted by Samizdata at 11:11 AM on February 14, 2016