Unconscious people don't want tea. Trust me on this.
April 9, 2016 2:00 AM   Subscribe



 
Problem: everyone in England is always ready for an(other) a cup of tea. /s

(Seriously: this should be obvious and I hope this video educates the people for whom it is not.)
posted by Rangi at 2:34 AM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


This is a great video. Very simple, very straightforward, very obvious -- which is the kind of guidance people need when it comes to a situation that is very rarely simple, straightforward or obvious.

Meanwhile, and I know I am going to start an argument here, even if I am conscious, I don't want tea if you're going to put milk and sugar in it.
posted by chavenet at 2:51 AM on April 9, 2016 [14 favorites]


Meanwhile, and I know I am going to start an argument here, even if I am conscious, I don't want tea if you're going to put milk and sugar in it.

Unless you're drinking proper English tea, you're not even getting an argument. And no, the stuff Twinings and Lipton sell in the rest of Europe isn't the same as the stuff on the shelves in the UK.
posted by Dysk at 3:26 AM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


I can foresee a lot of future embarrassment ensuing from the question "Would you like a cup of tea?"
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:13 AM on April 9, 2016 [7 favorites]


That was charming and well-done, probably the best of the very few campaigns that I have seen. I wonder if there is any way to measure effectiveness of the different approaches, or if they are too small in relation to overall society to easily quantify outcomes?
posted by Dip Flash at 4:28 AM on April 9, 2016 [5 favorites]


Greasy spoon tea is not only my favourite tea but coincidentally my favourite lovemaking position.
posted by longbaugh at 4:28 AM on April 9, 2016 [21 favorites]


Meanwhile, and I know I am going to start an argument here, even if I am conscious, I don't want tea if you're going to put milk and sugar in it.

Actually, you've sort of struck on another variant of this "If someone says they'll have tea no sugar, and then you put 3 sugars in it, you are not entitled to demand that they drink the tea anyway, because they said they wanted tea."
posted by howfar at 4:33 AM on April 9, 2016 [61 favorites]


Obviously the video covers the key point that, even if you make them a perfect cup, they're still entitled to decline it.
posted by howfar at 4:34 AM on April 9, 2016 [16 favorites]


I absolutely LOVE this, but in my generation it was "do you want to come in for a coffee?" which was the "do you want to get naked" dogwhistle.



(But since we're on Tea, I recently discovered that a big difference between tea-bags and loose leaf tea.

See when tea is transported, one or two of the containers every trip catch fire, not a big blaze, more of a slow burn. It's something to do with the physics, humidity, temp etc., Marine insurers (like my mate Mike) cover this in the policies because it is the norm.

when the ships get to their destination, those burned containers are sold on for tea-bags.)
posted by Wilder at 4:35 AM on April 9, 2016 [2 favorites]


Unfortunately the comments still have whiners asking, "but what if someone says yes to the tea and drinks it and even licks the cup, but then the next day tells people that you forced them to drink it?"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:48 AM on April 9, 2016 [12 favorites]


It seems charmingly British, but the animation comes from Blue Seat Studios, which is located in Providence, Rhode Island. The Thames Valley Police version identifies Blue Seat as the source, and here's the original version that has an American-accented voiceover.
posted by Alizaria at 4:57 AM on April 9, 2016 [6 favorites]


Is it childish of me to hear the closing line as "And on that note, I'm going to go and masturbate"? Because that's what they made it mean :/
posted by merlynkline at 5:00 AM on April 9, 2016 [20 favorites]


Also worth noting that this appears to be based on an earlier blog post by rockstardinosaurprincess. For some reason the version of the video in this link doesn't seem to have the attribution to either the original author or Blue Seat Studios, although it's noted on the police force's YouTube page.
posted by pie ninja at 5:02 AM on April 9, 2016 [9 favorites]


Wilder, that's not true about teabags. I'd be very surprised if there's any difference in the tea blend that's put in teabags and that that goes in a box of loose leaf tea of the same brand.

What's basically happening there is that people are saying the basic nature of the tea is harmed if you have to go through some kind of arcane rigmarole before you can drink it.

(ob disclaimer, I've had 3 mugs of Barry's Gold Blend loose leaf and I'm still on my Saturday morning lie in)
posted by ambrosen at 5:06 AM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


What's basically happening there is that people are saying the basic nature of the tea is harmed if you have to go through some kind of arcane rigmarole before you can drink it.

Some of us need a little courtship and a thorough warm-up first, pal.
posted by blue suede stockings at 5:16 AM on April 9, 2016 [13 favorites]


Seeing a bit of tea-variant negativity in this thread.
Remember: Your Tea Is Not My Tea But Your Tea Is OK.
posted by not the fingers, not the fingers at 5:19 AM on April 9, 2016 [28 favorites]


More from the author, Rockstar Dinosaur Pirate Princess: Tea, Dinosaurs and Feminism
posted by Mister Bijou at 5:21 AM on April 9, 2016 [2 favorites]


ambrosen, my mate insures the tea cargos, and has attended the auctions of the damaged containers and knows where that tea ends up, but hey, you know best.
posted by Wilder at 5:22 AM on April 9, 2016


Wilder, that's not true about teabags. I'd be very surprised if there's any difference in the tea blend that's put in teabags and that that goes in a box of loose leaf tea of the same brand.

When I visited tea processing facilities in Sri Lanka, they had at least half a dozen grades of tea coming from the same sacks of tea leaves, all the way from the nice, whole leaves through the various broken bits to quite literally the powdery stuff they swept up from around the machines. They definitely sold the various grades for different purposes and at different prices.

I wouldn't be surprised at all if large companies that sell tea would buy more than one grade for different purposes.
posted by ssg at 5:23 AM on April 9, 2016 [6 favorites]


There are absolutely different grades of tea used for loose-leaf v teabags, but the idea that tea randomly catches fire and smoulders in shipping, and that this is a sufficiently common event to provide the tea for every teabag in the world is something of an extraordinary claim.
posted by howfar at 5:34 AM on April 9, 2016 [18 favorites]


I'm making tea while I type this...
Filthy domesticity.
Also, this video is genius
posted by From Bklyn at 5:39 AM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


I'm glad this was made.

Of course, at the top of the Metro page:

This site uses cookies. By continuing, your consent is assumed.

we just went over this
posted by notquitemaryann at 5:47 AM on April 9, 2016 [100 favorites]


I like this video! I think it's better than the one the BBC did a while ago with the consent/no consent with the teenagers at the party. Although that has a place too.
posted by Ms. Moonlight at 6:07 AM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


All bad tea goes into teabags does not imply that all tea in teabags is bad, given that teabags make up 96% of the UK market, and 100% of the mainstream market.

But yeah, people should really be allowed to enjoy tea the way that they like without being told very often related urban legends which prove they're enjoying it wrong.
posted by ambrosen at 6:13 AM on April 9, 2016 [8 favorites]


Mrs. Doyle needs to see this.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:25 AM on April 9, 2016 [9 favorites]


Mrs. Doyle is a serial tea harasser.
posted by jb at 6:29 AM on April 9, 2016 [4 favorites]


Tea: not everyone's cup of tea.
posted by bonehead at 6:37 AM on April 9, 2016 [13 favorites]


Is it childish of me to hear the closing line as "And on that note, I'm going to go and masturbate"? Because that's what they made it mean :/

Should have gone with, "Your mum has asked me over for tea."
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 6:43 AM on April 9, 2016 [16 favorites]


Some people just want coffee.
posted by AlexiaSky at 6:45 AM on April 9, 2016


By coffee, do you mean coffee, or something else? I can guess what hot chocolate is.
posted by biffa at 6:56 AM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


I recently read ( in a book called something like how women with autism can be safe with men) about how coming up for coffee was code for having sex, which surprised the fuck out of me but also explained a lot of awkward moments. It also turns out to be a surprise that i don't have to drink tea someone has made for me. Nobody has yet explained how i can refuse that cup of tea without things getting really ugly.
posted by b33j at 6:59 AM on April 9, 2016 [6 favorites]


I'm guessing the "No tea please, we're British" slogan didn't make it past the focus group.
posted by chavenet at 7:10 AM on April 9, 2016 [2 favorites]


So you're saying Mrs Doyle was a sex pest?
posted by kcds at 7:21 AM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


When I first saw this much thought was that it's very culturally sprlecific and the analogy is potentially disastrous in some cultures.

I assure you that if you go to my parents house and are offered tea, you're kind of expected to say no even if you really want it, and then my mom will harangue you told you admit you want tea. Even if you don't admit this, she will bring you "just a little bit." If for some reason you didn't drink it, there's a decent chance you'd be reminded of how much my mom knows you like tea, because you drank it before and drank it with other people and say that you are dis-appreciating her hospitality.

You have no idea how hard it is to convince Ecuadorians that you don't want to eat or drink the thing you're being offered.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 7:48 AM on April 9, 2016 [21 favorites]


It seems charmingly British, but the animation comes from Blue Seat Studios, which is located in Providence, Rhode Island.

That explains the peculiar kettle, then. My first reaction when I thought it was an English video was "why aren't they using a proper kettle?
posted by Azara at 8:03 AM on April 9, 2016 [5 favorites]


This thread is disappointing.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:03 AM on April 9, 2016 [5 favorites]


This thread is disappointing.

A lot of people feel this way about their first cup of tea
posted by an animate objects at 8:06 AM on April 9, 2016 [18 favorites]


sigh
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:07 AM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


It seems charmingly British, but the animation comes from Blue Seat Studios, which is located in Providence, Rhode Island.

Author is British (see here).
posted by Mister Bijou at 8:09 AM on April 9, 2016


Obligatory
posted by TDavis at 8:09 AM on April 9, 2016


Fffm, I think that most people here are focusing on discussing tea because most people here already agree that consent is important, so discussing consent now would be a little dull:

"Yeah, consent is good."
"I quite agree."
"Me too. I am ensuring my sons are aware of this as well."
"And I, likewise, with my daughters."
"That is good, as consent is good."
"I quite agree."

We're the choir being preached to, so we're talking tea instead.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:16 AM on April 9, 2016 [20 favorites]


At the risk of a slight derail, this isn't a video by the British police force, it's a video by a British police force, because one of the founding principles of consent of British policing is that it's not a national force. Police forces are also large enough and not contiguous enough with other political borders that they can avoid some elements of pandering to the majority. Anyhow, Thames Valley Police are big enough to make (serving 2.2 million people) a pretty acutely observed campaign around consent in conjunction with local rape crisis services , and this is a good thing.

So, English people (and UK, Commonwealth and EU residents of England) reading this, you're voting for your next police and crime commissioner on 5th May. Tell your PCC candidate that you approve of Thames Valley's campaign, and compare it to any campaigns your police force may have run that are less good. If we're going to have directly elected police commissioners, we may as well make them work properly.

Also, in the pre-roll advertising for the video on the Metro article, I did get served an English government campaign video, which is very good. It's called Disrespect NoBody and it's aimed at preventing abuse in teenage relationships. Here's the video.
posted by ambrosen at 8:18 AM on April 9, 2016 [21 favorites]


Your mom made me a cup of tea last night. I drank it all the way down and savored every last drop of your mom's delicious tea.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:22 AM on April 9, 2016 [6 favorites]


Sorry, voters in Wales, I didn't realise you're also voting for a new PCC on 5th May. Should've read my own links. (After all, I can see Wales from my house.)
posted by ambrosen at 8:22 AM on April 9, 2016


Fffm, I think that most people here are focusing on discussing tea because most people here already agree that consent is important, so discussing consent now would be a little dull

I'm juuuuuuuuuust intelligent enough to figure out what people are doing, thanks. I just think it's tone deaf, and it's not like consent is an issue that doesn't need further discussion. Oh well. Tea it is.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 8:27 AM on April 9, 2016 [8 favorites]


Netflix and tea
posted by standardasparagus at 8:34 AM on April 9, 2016 [4 favorites]


I've never loved this video, because of the bit about If you ask them if they want tea and they hem and haw but don't say yes or no, you can make them tea, but you can't force them to drink it.

There are two problems with this:

1. Hemming and hawing and not saying no are very common indicators that someone does not want sex. Treating them as a maybe instead of a no is 'no means no' thinking, not 'yes means yes' thinking.
2. What exactly does making tea for someone but not forcing them to drink it equate to in this scenario? What sex-forward behaviours are still appropriate once someone has hemmed and hawed and not enthusiastically agreed to sex?

These are the grey areas in which consent is murky, particularly for young people, and the video does little to help sort them out, and in fact makes the situation worse in my opinion.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:38 AM on April 9, 2016 [8 favorites]


You have no idea how hard it is to convince Ecuadorians that you don't want to eat or drink the thing you're being offered.

Add another anecdata point to the cultural specificity of this whole analogy. While I have gotten used to this stuff from my Ecuadorian in-laws, the forcing of food and drink (and other things! Sitting in the good chair, even!) made me fairly uncomfortable at first, and sometimes still can. In fact, at the risk of being a little too precious, seeing it explicitly explained in terms of consent helps me to understand why I have the tendency to bristle so much at a behavior that is, when applied to literal tea or second helpings of dinner, really just someone trying to be nice and I know that but it still gets on my nerves, honey, I love your family but I know how much I want to eat damn it!

I get that they just want to make sure that I get enough and am not refusing out of some misguided politeness, but if it's polite to refuse and it's polite to keep haranguing you until you get more, how does anyone ever stop eating? Are there occasionally super-polite dinner parties that get locked into crazy death spirals of forced gluttony???
posted by Krawczak at 8:42 AM on April 9, 2016 [15 favorites]


Just because a dude gets a boner (made tea) doesn't mean he gets to force someone else to drink the tea (have sexual relations of any sort with him).

For any gender, it means just because your kettle is boiling does not mean anyone wants anything to do with your kettle.

That's pretty clear to me.
posted by sio42 at 8:42 AM on April 9, 2016 [5 favorites]


I'm juuuuuuuuuust intelligent enough to figure out what people are doing, thanks. I just think it's tone deaf, and it's not like consent is an issue that doesn't need further discussion.

Well, I presumed you would also be intelligent enough to introduce a different angle into the discussion if you wished, rather than just complaining about how the discussion was going, so I assumed genuine misunderstanding on your part. Fair enough.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:50 AM on April 9, 2016 [23 favorites]


I can see how that interpretation sort of works, but 'making tea' is a more active, voluntary activity than 'getting a boner', so it still doesn't seem clear to me that that is the intended analogy.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:51 AM on April 9, 2016 [2 favorites]


2. What exactly does making tea for someone but not forcing them to drink it equate to in this scenario?

Buying condoms maybe? Making sure your bedroom isn't a disaster? There's a variety of preparatory activities you might take that don't directly involve the other person and that someone shitty might conceivably try to argue "But I already did [X], now you have to"
posted by vibratory manner of working at 8:54 AM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


2. What exactly does making tea for someone but not forcing them to drink it equate to in this scenario?

I assumed it was going on a date and / or making out, that kind of thing. That maps pretty well onto the saying yes at first but then deciding no later on thing.
posted by Dr. Send at 9:20 AM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


And just to follow up with that, going on a date can be to making tea as making out is to tea, if it's the consenting to the making out that's at issue.
posted by Dr. Send at 9:22 AM on April 9, 2016


I think humor and metaphor and laughing and satire are an extremely valuable set of social tools that we all use to cope with the most difficult parts of our lives as much as to enjoy the lighter sides. The extent to which seriousness and statistics are regarded as the only way to respond appropriately to significance is a travesty of progressive culture
posted by an animate objects at 9:57 AM on April 9, 2016 [16 favorites]


You have no idea how hard it is to convince Ecuadorians that you don't want to eat or drink the thing you're being offered.

Oh god this. This, and "I hate to ask but I'm so thirsty, don't be mean, but I wish you'd give me just a little water, but just a little bit, I don't want to put you out but I'm just parched and dying of thirst, just want a tiny bit of water..."
posted by grippycat at 10:01 AM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


I'm sorry, but this metaphor is an absolutely terrible one, considering so many people in Britain are Asian or have an Asian background.

In India and other parts of South Asia, if someone says no to an offered cup of tea, or any other food/drink, it is considered the bare minimum of politeness to beg them at least a few times to accept it; in fact, just taking their 'no' at face value immediately is pretty rude.

I can't believe someone thought this was fit for a PSA campaign without taking into account how it would play to non-white audiences.
posted by splitpeasoup at 10:19 AM on April 9, 2016 [12 favorites]


I can't believe someone thought this was fit for a PSA campaign without taking into account how it would play to non-white audiences.

Really?
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 10:24 AM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


Forget it, Jake. It's Metafilter.
posted by howfar at 10:33 AM on April 9, 2016 [12 favorites]


To be clear, it's OK (indeed necessary), in my view, for there to be different cultural norms in a multicultural society, and for everyone to be flexible about recognising which norms are in play in a particular context. Not everything will make sense in every cultural context that exists in a multicultural society, but multiculturalism is about plurality, not about a single cultural context that includes everything all the time. It's not perfect, but it's not bad.
posted by howfar at 10:43 AM on April 9, 2016 [8 favorites]


In India and other parts of South Asia, if someone says no to an offered cup of tea, or any other food/drink, it is considered the bare minimum of politeness to beg them at least a few times to accept it; in fact, just taking their 'no' at face value immediately is pretty rude.

If you're unconscious will they pour it down your throat anyway?
posted by chavenet at 10:52 AM on April 9, 2016 [8 favorites]


I appreciated that the narration uses "they" as a singular pronoun, and that the stick figures weren't explicitly gendered.
posted by not that girl at 10:56 AM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


jacquilynne: 'making tea' is a more active, voluntary activity than 'getting a boner'

Obviously, you have never watched me getting up in the morning.
... That's probably a good thing.
posted by Too-Ticky at 11:08 AM on April 9, 2016


In some sex ed curricula it is forbidden to discuss sex or specifics of the act. The single word is not forbidden, because how can they forbid it before marriage, if it is not specified. In my opinion, this video is really good for simple explanations. In Utah it could be have a Diet Coke.
posted by Oyéah at 11:16 AM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


When this video originally went around (it feels like this was maybe a year ago? It was certainly a while back), enough of my friends watched it that they were quoting lines out of context, in the manner of an in-joke. One poor soul, being English and not having seen the video, replied to a tweet of "Unconscious people don't want tea." with "Clearly you haven't met very many English people, then. We always want tea."

A quick private conversation followed to explain why, in the zeitgeist of our social circle at that time, tea was a dangerous thing to be too excited about.
posted by Kortney at 11:17 AM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


Obviously, you have never watched me getting up in the morning.
... That's probably a good thing.


I really misunderstood this at first.

I apologise for what I thought you meant.
posted by howfar at 11:31 AM on April 9, 2016 [2 favorites]


Metafilter: crazy death spirals of forced gluttony
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:38 AM on April 9, 2016 [2 favorites]


Also, what if you just want to cuppa feel?
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:38 AM on April 9, 2016


Also, what if you just want to cuppa feel?

I can't stand the way you teas.
posted by chavenet at 11:40 AM on April 9, 2016 [6 favorites]


Just to be clear, though I thought it hilarious that the "You would obviously never do this with tea" is pretty much what half the people I know would do if you said you didn't want tea, I wasn't trying to say that therefore they shouldn't have made this video or shouldn't use this analogy because there are cultures where the argument kind of falls flat.

crazy death spirals of forced gluttony

My parents to person they know from back channels developed a drinking problem and had stopped drinking: "Do you want some wine?" Him: "No thank you" Them: "Oh come on, have just a little bit..." Him: "No thank you." "Are you sure? Don't be like that. Have a little wine."...

This goes on until I drag my mom to the kitchen and tell her to knock it off. She really doesn't want him to say yes, because obviously he can't drink, but it would be wrong and rude not to harangue him. And since he doesn't know they know about his drinking problem, they feel obligated to not act differently toward him. I think I talked them into not doing this to him anymore, but who knows.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 11:53 AM on April 9, 2016 [7 favorites]


And the next Mefi meetup at a tea house gets very awkward...
posted by Nanukthedog at 12:13 PM on April 9, 2016


I do mostly like this video. I have been told by some who work in the field that equating sex with a consumable is a bad idea. When this video came out some months ago, there were a few immediate rebuttals to it based on that in my fb feed. An alternate that was presented which I liked was dancing. "Unconscious people don't want to dance - trust me." That metaphor works fine, too, and might be less problematic for some.
posted by greermahoney at 12:54 PM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


I dunno, I mean I see the argument for cultural issues which may be problematic, but I'm still going to send the link to my 13 year old, because I think it's an awesome way to start a conversation about consent.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 1:03 PM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


People who keep offering me food or beverages after I have already politely declined them send me into explosive fits of angry rage.
posted by kyrademon at 1:09 PM on April 9, 2016 [6 favorites]


Not sure dance works because you can't force dancing on an unconscious person.
posted by msalt at 1:13 PM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


Not sure dance works because you can't force dancing on an unconscious person.

Cue "Weekend at Bernie's 2".
posted by Chitownfats at 1:55 PM on April 9, 2016 [2 favorites]


It seems charmingly British, but the animation comes from Blue Seat Studios, which is located in Providence, Rhode Island.

That explains the peculiar kettle, then. My first reaction when I thought it was an English video was "why aren't they using a proper kettle?


Foreplay. We Americans like the slow kettle-on-the-stove-ten-minute-boil, not the flip-the-switch-boil-in-sixty-seconds kind of tea making.

(It's actually not like any kettle I've seen used by actual Americans. It looks like a carafe from a restaurant.)
posted by oneirodynia at 2:10 PM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


Ok, so a hypothetical question here. If I were to say, offer Ms. nubs a cup of tea, and she were to say "Yes, please. Rooibos"; should I just make some tea or should I be preparing for some kind of specific act in the bedroom? Or both? I don't speak this new tea language.

All of this is strictly hypothetical, of course. But there may be some urgency.
posted by nubs at 2:11 PM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


> "If I were to say, offer Ms. nubs a cup of tea, and she were to say 'Yes, please. Rooibos' ..."

I'm not trying to kink-shame or anything, but shouldn't this kind of comment be behind a NSFW warning?
posted by kyrademon at 3:04 PM on April 9, 2016


I have mixed feelings about this analogy. I remember this has come up on Metafilter before and it got deleted - not this exact video, but something with the same idea. I like the video as it applies to literal tea - it's a great message. And even if you see it as a metaphor for having sex with an unconscious person. It makes sense. Unconscious people can't consent to tea, sex, or anything else; you should just be looking out for them because they're in a very vulnerable position. Putting anything in their body is going to hurt them. Like tea. Got it.

But if you extend it to someone who's really drunk, another tricky sex/consent scenario - it breaks down. Why wouldn't I make tea for my drunk friend and encourage them to drink it? Them consenting to tea is very low stakes and it's probably a good idea for them to drink something hydrating. Probably not a good idea for them to have sex though, because you can't be sure they're capable of consenting. You're trying to help me understand something that doesn't seem intuitively obvious ("why can't I have sex with my drunk friend, she seems really into it... it would be good for her, like tea is!") So this is one scenario where tea and sex can't be compared; doing so doesn't shed any light on the actual important thing you're trying to help me understand.
posted by bleep at 3:26 PM on April 9, 2016


Then replace tea with vodka. Done.
posted by feckless fecal fear mongering at 3:32 PM on April 9, 2016


BBC and tea
posted by Jacen at 4:22 PM on April 9, 2016 [1 favorite]


The last time I visited someone in the North of England, they asked me if I would like some tea. I said yes, and half an hour later they presented me with a plate of food (and no hot beverage). Please advise!
posted by monotreme at 5:40 PM on April 9, 2016 [5 favorites]


This is so beautiful. Because if someone wants tea, they must be coherent enough to tell you how they want it. If they can't, don't make them drink what they don't what to.
posted by Go Banana at 10:42 PM on April 9, 2016 [2 favorites]


The last time I visited someone in the North of England, they asked me if I would like some tea. I said yes, and half an hour later they presented me with a plate of food (and no hot beverage). Please advise!

As a bonafide Southerner who's now spent more years oop North than darn Sarth - This Is A Problem. I was brought up with Breakfast-Lunch-Dinner. My wife? Breakfast-Lunch-Tea. Any hot meal is "Dinner" to her. When she says "I'd like x for dinner" I assume she means in the evening but nooooo. It means any of the two latter meals. I have attempted to bring her to the correct way of looking at things unsuccessfully over the past 8 years but now I have given up and have adapted into saying lunch-dinner or dinner-tea.

Essentially if someone asks if you want tea and then doesn't ask "Milk? Sugar?" afterwards, enjoy your meal.
posted by longbaugh at 12:16 AM on April 10, 2016 [6 favorites]


This is one of these weirdly fraught and yet entirely unclear elements of British identity that can triggers arguments, resentments and even divorces.

While we're on the subject of tea-time, it's worth noting that you can cause powerful anger in some Britons if you mispronounce "scone". Remember that the correct pronunciation is "scone" and that you should NEVER pronounce it as "scone". Not "scone", "scone".
posted by howfar at 12:31 AM on April 10, 2016 [14 favorites]


Thank you for that clarification, howfar. I'm sure my future scone-related interactions will go much more smoothly because of it.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 4:17 AM on April 10, 2016 [1 favorite]


Unconscious people also don't like teabagging so please don't do that fratbros.
posted by Meatbomb at 5:44 AM on April 10, 2016


Jumping on the derail but longbaugh, I'm so glad to read: Any hot meal is "Dinner" to her. I thought it was just me.

Though, come to think of it, I do actually also call a hot meal in the evening tea if it's just for me. Dinner is both hot and slightly formal/in company...

But (in case any of you are ever round at mine in the afternoon) I do tend to ask if anyone wants a cuppa or a brew if I'm talking about drinks.
posted by penguin pie at 6:40 AM on April 10, 2016


Breakfast-Lunch-Tea sounds terrible, but not as confusing as the Breakfast-Dinner-Supper of my father's agricultural family.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 1:16 PM on April 10, 2016


What's the overlap between people who call their evening meal tea and the people who always drink a cup of tea with their evening meal, though? I've got a feeling it's pretty high.

So if these people offer you tea, you'll get tea, but you'll also get more than that. Always important to remember the cultural context of the other person whether you're offering or the one being offered to, I guess.
posted by ambrosen at 1:35 PM on April 10, 2016


What's the overlap between people who call their evening meal tea and the people who always drink a cup of tea with their evening meal, though? I've got a feeling it's pretty high.

Maybe, but I don't think there's any reason to suppose a correlation. The names of the meals are dialect features much more than they are idiosyncratic preferences. Possibly, however, there was a historical correlation at some point, due to some of the regional and socio-economic factors in play.
posted by howfar at 2:22 PM on April 10, 2016


I cannot unhear the end as a stealth Clue movie reference.
posted by BiggerJ at 12:11 AM on April 11, 2016


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