Cheese Ball Machine Gun

May 20, 2016 5:49 PM

"If you need to ask why anyone would want a cheese ball machine gun, you should probably turn back now."

Bonus video: what to do with that cheap vodka you won't drink

posted by Johnny Wallflower (15 comments total)

Okay, the second video was way more relevant to my interests than the first.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:02 PM on May 20, 2016 [2 favorites]

As if I wouldn't drink cheap vodka. It's like you don't even know me.
posted by the uncomplicated soups of my childhood at 6:37 PM on May 20, 2016 [2 favorites]

I think one needs the cheap vodka for really understanding the potential use case for the cheese gun.

Interesting that the tube needed a small baffle to work right.

Needs to be battery powered to reach the full potential, but oh my, keep the extension cord, with the headlines these days....
posted by sammyo at 6:45 PM on May 20, 2016

I had envisioned a gun that fires those fist-sized, almond-flake covered, port flavored, disturbingly homogeneous processed cheddar spheres. I'm not sure whether to be disappointed or relieved.

I am, however, definitely both relieved that my random search for "gouda cannon" turned up something relevant, and deeply disappointed that the thing cuts off well before the conclusion.
posted by eotvos at 7:09 PM on May 20, 2016 [9 favorites]

I had envisioned a gun that fires those fist-sized, almond-flake covered, port flavored, disturbingly homogeneous processed cheddar spheres.

This is also what I was expecting. I was already thinking of how one of the those would be nice with a cracker shotgun and supersoaker filled with wine.
posted by 445supermag at 7:15 PM on May 20, 2016 [5 favorites]

We did an improv show last week in which there were cheese bullets being shot into someone's mouth. NOW IT'S ALL FOR REAL.
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:37 PM on May 20, 2016

My son watched this with me, and I have never wanted anything more in my entire life. He is nine and mocking me for so desperately wanting one.
posted by sotonohito at 7:46 PM on May 20, 2016 [3 favorites]

This is also what I was expecting. I was already thinking of how one of the those would be nice with a cracker shotgun and supersoaker filled with wine.

Paired with a nice parmesan shiv for hand-to-hand combat?
posted by sebastienbailard at 8:09 PM on May 20, 2016 [1 favorite]

This is a gun I whose barrel I would happily wrap my lips around.
posted by SansPoint at 8:14 PM on May 20, 2016

This video did nothing but remind me that those giants tubs of cheese balls have nothing on the dearly departed Planter's Cheez Balls of yore.
posted by thecjm at 9:05 PM on May 20, 2016 [2 favorites]

I honestly thought it was going to be some variation of this.
posted by krinklyfig at 10:01 PM on May 20, 2016 [3 favorites]

My son watched this with me, and I am totally laughing at how desperately he wants one. Sotonohito and I may need to swap kids for the weekend.
posted by SecretAgentSockpuppet at 6:48 AM on May 21, 2016

"If you need to ask why anyone would want a cheese ball machine gun..."
This is the kind of sentence Dave Barry would typically finish with "you are probably a woman of the female persuasion."
posted by MtDewd at 8:29 AM on May 21, 2016 [4 favorites]

WANT.
posted by wenestvedt at 7:59 PM on May 21, 2016

I was at the grocery store the other day and as I went by the cheeseball section, I saw the 'same container the cheeseballs come in', and started cracking up. There was a guy right next to me, and so I had to share this story with him. As he was a guy, he of course said, 'I want one'.
posted by MtDewd at 10:00 AM on May 30, 2016