How to talk to a woman with no headphone jack
October 6, 2016 4:07 PM Subscribe
When you see a woman with no headphone jack, it can be intimidating, to say the least. Many men assume that a woman would only forgo a headphone jack by choice. But, with the technological landscape being so complex, it can be easy for a woman to get overwhelmed when making decisions about her headphones.
Maybe it’s been so long since she’s used headphones with a jack that she’s forgotten how much more reliable the sound quality can be. Or maybe when buying the headphones, she was unaware that corded headphones are still widely available on the market. Whatever her reasons, you want to be sure she sees what she’s missing out on and give her the chance to downgrade. To do this, you will need to overcome a few obstacles.
Maybe it’s been so long since she’s used headphones with a jack that she’s forgotten how much more reliable the sound quality can be. Or maybe when buying the headphones, she was unaware that corded headphones are still widely available on the market. Whatever her reasons, you want to be sure she sees what she’s missing out on and give her the chance to downgrade. To do this, you will need to overcome a few obstacles.
Wow, that "Context" link. Dude is not nearly as confident as he wants anyone to believe if the article is prefaced with a shitload of "women say this article is okay!"
I bet his mom also says he's cool.
posted by explosion at 4:38 PM on October 6, 2016 [7 favorites]
I bet his mom also says he's cool.
posted by explosion at 4:38 PM on October 6, 2016 [7 favorites]
"Excuse me, miss. Have you considered tying those wireless earbuds to your phone so you don't lose them? Maybe with a white cord or something?"
posted by straight at 5:01 PM on October 6, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by straight at 5:01 PM on October 6, 2016 [3 favorites]
Oh god, the context. If you have to keep saying "There's nothing wrong with that," you're likely lying to yourself, and you're just about the only person buying it.
And do guys still ask for numbers? I had way more business cards handed to me when I was taking public transit daily (and thus wearing headphones in public). Or "Look me up on Facebook," if we'd actually had a conversation.
Like I seriously thought it was a known thing now that women may be hesitant about handing out contact information to random people who approach them so you offer your contact information.
posted by ghost phoneme at 5:08 PM on October 6, 2016 [1 favorite]
And do guys still ask for numbers? I had way more business cards handed to me when I was taking public transit daily (and thus wearing headphones in public). Or "Look me up on Facebook," if we'd actually had a conversation.
Like I seriously thought it was a known thing now that women may be hesitant about handing out contact information to random people who approach them so you offer your contact information.
posted by ghost phoneme at 5:08 PM on October 6, 2016 [1 favorite]
Just wait until you read the soon to be published, "HOW TO TALK TO A WOMAN WHEN SHE'S SLEEPING AND IT'S 5 AM AND YOU'RE SITTING ON HER CHEST AND YOU WANT BREAKFAST AND YOU HAVE NOT BEEN PETTED ALL NIGHT: A THINKPIECE IN ALL CAPS", by Trilby the Cat.
posted by orange swan at 5:09 PM on October 6, 2016 [83 favorites]
posted by orange swan at 5:09 PM on October 6, 2016 [83 favorites]
Golly, I had not read the context when I posted this, silanfa. Thanks so much! As a prisoner of patriarchy (she typed bitterly), I assumed it was just a general satirical article and not a specific response to some stupid interweb thing about it being totally okay to bother women wearing headphones. That will teach me.
posted by Bella Donna at 5:29 PM on October 6, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Bella Donna at 5:29 PM on October 6, 2016 [2 favorites]
"Trilby" actually does sound like a near-optimal cat name
posted by DoctorFedora at 7:03 PM on October 6, 2016 [9 favorites]
posted by DoctorFedora at 7:03 PM on October 6, 2016 [9 favorites]
I love the term "Obama-approved Pajama Boy." It's curiously enticing.
posted by Peach at 7:24 PM on October 6, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by Peach at 7:24 PM on October 6, 2016 [3 favorites]
Obama-approved Pajama Boy...
The picture this conjures in my mind makes me want to be a single 22-year-old again like nobody's business. "Curiously enticing", indeed.
posted by she's not there at 8:31 PM on October 6, 2016
The picture this conjures in my mind makes me want to be a single 22-year-old again like nobody's business. "Curiously enticing", indeed.
posted by she's not there at 8:31 PM on October 6, 2016
Not sure what part you don't understand...it's a send up of the entitled, callous and oblivious male attitude that engendered the first "how to talk to women with earbuds" article.
posted by Omnomnom at 11:47 PM on October 6, 2016
posted by Omnomnom at 11:47 PM on October 6, 2016
Yeah, it's a combination of the entitled and oblivious "how to talk to women wearing headphones" thing with the entitled and oblivious "how to tell someone that they are enjoying something incorrectly that you enjoy in the proper way" thing that often accompanies that sort of personality type
posted by DoctorFedora at 1:31 AM on October 7, 2016
posted by DoctorFedora at 1:31 AM on October 7, 2016
Plus a dig at Apple for the decision to abandon the standard 3.5mm audio jack in their latest iPhone.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 4:02 AM on October 7, 2016
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 4:02 AM on October 7, 2016
Of course, if you notice that she doesn’t want to take off her headphones and doesn’t seem interested in talking to you at all, just respect that and leave the interaction without trying to talk to her any further.
While it’s perfectly normal for a man and a woman to talk to each other, it’s not appropriate or fair for a guy to annoy a woman who doesn’t want to talk to him at all.
From the context article. You're right dude, it's not appropriate or fair. So maybe stop yourself right before the standing one metre from her, waving your hand in front of her face and telling her to take off her fucking headphones part of your stupid PUA dance you complete bloody shit-for-brains cretin. I mean I'm ill, people, ill, and now I have to take off my jammies and put on clothes and go out and set fire to all the things are you happy now?
posted by billiebee at 5:28 AM on October 7, 2016 [3 favorites]
While it’s perfectly normal for a man and a woman to talk to each other, it’s not appropriate or fair for a guy to annoy a woman who doesn’t want to talk to him at all.
From the context article. You're right dude, it's not appropriate or fair. So maybe stop yourself right before the standing one metre from her, waving your hand in front of her face and telling her to take off her fucking headphones part of your stupid PUA dance you complete bloody shit-for-brains cretin. I mean I'm ill, people, ill, and now I have to take off my jammies and put on clothes and go out and set fire to all the things are you happy now?
posted by billiebee at 5:28 AM on October 7, 2016 [3 favorites]
I literally said "Oh my god, PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE." while reading the "Context" article. Note: this does not serve as an endorsement of physical violence, but I do encourage switching up your "Fuck off"s with a good "PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE" said with dignity and confidence.
posted by Polyhymnia at 5:40 AM on October 7, 2016 [2 favorites]
posted by Polyhymnia at 5:40 AM on October 7, 2016 [2 favorites]
"I just wanted to say, I really get how the patriarchy hurts us all, and also you look prettier with headphones on."
posted by zippy at 8:29 AM on October 7, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by zippy at 8:29 AM on October 7, 2016 [3 favorites]
I don't know what an Obama-approved pajama boy is but now I really, really want one.
posted by Bella Donna at 8:44 AM on October 7, 2016 [5 favorites]
posted by Bella Donna at 8:44 AM on October 7, 2016 [5 favorites]
Found: Obama-approved Pajama Boy! He's the hot-chocolate drinking, health-insurance seeking guy in plaid.
posted by Bella Donna at 8:51 AM on October 7, 2016
posted by Bella Donna at 8:51 AM on October 7, 2016
Excuse me. While I want you to understand that I know it's presumptuous of me to interrupt the time you have set aside to publicly listen to a band that sucks over sub-standard audio equipment while female, I just wanted to be sure you had the opportunity to experience the full glory of my attention until such time as it pleases me to carefully withdraw in full man-child pseudo-empathy pout. Love me.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:11 AM on October 7, 2016 [3 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:11 AM on October 7, 2016 [3 favorites]
Plus a dig at Apple for the decision to abandon the standard 3.5mm audio jack in their latest iPhone.
I'm pretty sure the dig is more aimed at people who have opinions about Apple's decision to abandon the audio jack and/or audio quality more generally.
posted by biogeo at 5:46 PM on October 7, 2016 [1 favorite]
I'm pretty sure the dig is more aimed at people who have opinions about Apple's decision to abandon the audio jack and/or audio quality more generally.
posted by biogeo at 5:46 PM on October 7, 2016 [1 favorite]
The context is OK (disclosure: I'm a hetero married man):
Of course, if you notice that she doesn’t want to take off her headphones and doesn’t seem interested in talking to you at all, just respect that and leave the interaction without trying to talk to her any further.
While it’s perfectly normal for a man and a woman to talk to each other, it’s not appropriate or fair for a guy to annoy a woman who doesn’t want to talk to him at all.
So, if a guy finds himself in a situation where a woman doesn’t want to talk to him, he should just respect the woman’s right to not want to talk to him. For example: He might say, “Okay, sorry to bother you. Have a nice day” and then walk off and leave her be.
This idea that it's never appropriate to talk to a person because they're wearing headphones is ridiculous.
The McSweeney's article is obviously satire and so yeah, definitely not OK behavior.
posted by kuroikenshi at 9:34 PM on October 7, 2016
Of course, if you notice that she doesn’t want to take off her headphones and doesn’t seem interested in talking to you at all, just respect that and leave the interaction without trying to talk to her any further.
While it’s perfectly normal for a man and a woman to talk to each other, it’s not appropriate or fair for a guy to annoy a woman who doesn’t want to talk to him at all.
So, if a guy finds himself in a situation where a woman doesn’t want to talk to him, he should just respect the woman’s right to not want to talk to him. For example: He might say, “Okay, sorry to bother you. Have a nice day” and then walk off and leave her be.
This idea that it's never appropriate to talk to a person because they're wearing headphones is ridiculous.
The McSweeney's article is obviously satire and so yeah, definitely not OK behavior.
posted by kuroikenshi at 9:34 PM on October 7, 2016
Some women like to test to see how confident a guy is...
The context article is really not ok. Because while he says respect a women's right to not want to interact, he keeps telling people to ignore those signals.
There's a whole section telling guys to not give up, because some women like to make guys pass tests. He spends a good portion of the article describing how-to keep ignoring indicators that a woman is not interested. Because maybe it's just a test!
He knows these are signs of disinterest, otherwise how could they be a test?
It's prioritizing the guys desire to not miss any possible pickup opportunity (and yeah, it's about picking women up, otherwise the article would be about talking to people with headphones) over any woman's disinterest.
So he tells guys to keep escalating in the face of disinterest to the point that they should ask a woman to remove her headphones if she keeps them on. That's a pretty damn good indicator that she's not in the mood to talk.
So no, really not ok.
posted by ghost phoneme at 1:53 AM on October 8, 2016 [2 favorites]
The context article is really not ok. Because while he says respect a women's right to not want to interact, he keeps telling people to ignore those signals.
There's a whole section telling guys to not give up, because some women like to make guys pass tests. He spends a good portion of the article describing how-to keep ignoring indicators that a woman is not interested. Because maybe it's just a test!
He knows these are signs of disinterest, otherwise how could they be a test?
It's prioritizing the guys desire to not miss any possible pickup opportunity (and yeah, it's about picking women up, otherwise the article would be about talking to people with headphones) over any woman's disinterest.
So he tells guys to keep escalating in the face of disinterest to the point that they should ask a woman to remove her headphones if she keeps them on. That's a pretty damn good indicator that she's not in the mood to talk.
So no, really not ok.
posted by ghost phoneme at 1:53 AM on October 8, 2016 [2 favorites]
Discussion of the earlier piece and responses to it from last month.
posted by taz at 2:13 AM on October 8, 2016 [1 favorite]
posted by taz at 2:13 AM on October 8, 2016 [1 favorite]
Your'e right, and I agree with you there: I don't agree with the section about persisting because she's testing your confidence. That's so rare that it's not even worth bringing up.
And for the target audience, that is sending some mixed messages in his article, and a majority of guys who aren't sensitive to social cues will really fuck it up.
[Whoops, didn't know there was a previous post on this - I'll end this here.]
posted by kuroikenshi at 6:41 AM on October 8, 2016
And for the target audience, that is sending some mixed messages in his article, and a majority of guys who aren't sensitive to social cues will really fuck it up.
[Whoops, didn't know there was a previous post on this - I'll end this here.]
posted by kuroikenshi at 6:41 AM on October 8, 2016
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posted by pyramid termite at 4:29 PM on October 6, 2016 [1 favorite]