There Once Was a Groundskeeper...

June 5, 2017 6:30 AM

In 1998, an obscure Welsh football team was teetering on the edge of losing their professional status and sold to a windshield replacement company for £100. This year they will be playing their seventh straight year in the Premier League. This all has at least something to do with a hooligan in a nine-foot bird costume. How Cyril the Swan Became the UK's Most Notorious Mascot
posted by Navelgazer (18 comments total)

Fantastic story.
posted by clawsoon at 6:45 AM on June 5, 2017

I am not usually a supporter of football or hooliganism, but I have to admit I loved this story. Great read.
posted by widdershins at 7:25 AM on June 5, 2017

That's one of the best sports-related stories I've ever read. (It's by Jeff Maysh, by the way; credit the author, people!) Here's a paragraph more or less at random:

Against all odds, the Swans went 2–0 up, and when they scored a third, Cyril sprinted onto the field — a capital sin. He dove into the players’ celebrations; the fans went berserk. Then, Mike Lewis recalled, “with a swing of his right boot he sent the ball rocketing into the bread box [head] of a Millwall player, dispatching him to the ground.” The referee tried to restore order and restart the match, but Cyril was just finding his stride. Overcome with emotion, he ran to the linesman and used a massive wing to caress the man’s bald head. The tie had descended into a farce, the funniest game many fans could remember, and it was all thanks to Cyril.

Thanks for the post!
posted by languagehat at 7:41 AM on June 5, 2017 [3 favorites]

I don't really like sports, and I hate violence, but I loved this story. That swan is awesome.
posted by xingcat at 7:48 AM on June 5, 2017

Actual swans are kind of bastards, so it was appropriate that the swan mascot behaved that way too.
posted by Jahaza at 8:08 AM on June 5, 2017 [11 favorites]

This is a pretty wonderful story. Could you imagine how much fun it must have been to be Cyril? I just love that stuff like this can still happen in a corporate, sanitized world.
posted by kevinbelt at 8:11 AM on June 5, 2017

I'm biased, but I think Swansea is one of the most likable teams in sports. They are ~20% fan owned (much like the Packers of the NFL) and have battled through an awful lot to get and stay in the top-flight. There's an excellent documentary Jack to a King for anyone interested in learning more.

When the Swans came to the U.S. last year I reached out to the Swans Trust (I dutifully pay my £10/year fee to be a partial owner) to see if I could get any special access. I ended up sitting with one of the board members for the game and was invited to the team hotel. I got to meet the team and the coaches and ended up with a practice jersey and some swag. Great people all around and I couldn't be happier to be a supporter!

For any new fans, the song to know is Hymns and Arias.
And we we're singing / hymns and arias / land of my Fathers / ar hyd y nos [Welsh for "all through the night"]
posted by matrixclown at 9:12 AM on June 5, 2017 [13 favorites]

Great read. Loved the tidbit about the mascots usually getting together before the game to have a beer and a half together and discuss the show.

Here in the States, whenever I read about mascot antics, I cannot help but think of the San Diego Chicken who pretty much was the leader of mascot mania here. I wonder what ever happened to Ted G.
posted by AugustWest at 10:00 AM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

“They wanted to see what my vision was like,” Donne says. Cyril kicked the doors open and staggered inside. “I was falling over on purpose,” he says. “There was a plate of biscuits, so I pecked them, knocked the plate over.” As the biscuits went flying, the FA officials looked on in disbelief.

When Lewis explained that Cyril was a mute swan, the chairman instructed him to act as a translator.

Just in case someone opted not to RTFA, I'd like to point out that in act 2, our heroic mascot bird is hauled up on charges of assaulting the referee, and decides to show up to the courthouse in costume, using his lawyer as his translator so as to not divulge his secret identity. No one on either side of the arrangement seems to have any objections to this.

I can't decide if this is the most British thing I've ever read, or if they're beta-testing a screenplay for a Disney movie starring Cyril as the 9-foot goose who saves the local soccer club.
posted by Mayor West at 10:36 AM on June 5, 2017 [9 favorites]

This was delightful.
posted by brennen at 10:42 AM on June 5, 2017

Just in case someone opted not to RTFA, I'd like to point out that in act 2, our heroic mascot bird is hauled up on charges of assaulting the referee, and decides to show up to the courthouse in costume, using his lawyer as his translator so as to not divulge his secret identity. No one on either side of the arrangement seems to have any objections to this.

I have to admit that this was the part where I looked up Cyril the Swan on Google to figure out if this was a fictional article about a fake mascot. I guess he's real?
posted by chrominance at 11:03 AM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

I remember an English ad for some candy set to "Tragedy," rewritten as "Referee." One of the lines was something like "taking all abuse from an eight-foot goose." Now I know that was a real-life reference, rather than a comical exaggeration!
posted by praemunire at 12:23 PM on June 5, 2017 [4 favorites]

As a matter of fact, seems it was a Weetabix ad featuring a knockoff mascot that led to a dispute between the two clubs. Which is almost better.
posted by praemunire at 12:40 PM on June 5, 2017

He's no Sammy the Shrimp, but then again who is?
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:04 PM on June 5, 2017 [1 favorite]

...And I found the ad!
posted by praemunire at 3:16 PM on June 5, 2017 [4 favorites]

Just in case someone opted not to RTFA, I'd like to point out that in act 2, our heroic mascot bird is hauled up on charges of assaulting the referee, and decides to show up to the courthouse in costume, using his lawyer as his translator so as to not divulge his secret identity. No one on either side of the arrangement seems to have any objections to this.

It wasn't an actual courthouse, the hearing was at a hotel... which seems more appropriate.
posted by iffthen at 10:08 PM on June 5, 2017

I adore football mascots. Here is an epic thread on the When Saturday Comes forums dedicated to photos of them observing minute's silences before football games.
posted by corvine at 5:40 AM on June 6, 2017 [1 favorite]

My main impression of Swansea was that it had an inordinate number of barber shops.
posted by Chrysostom at 1:44 PM on June 27, 2017