No...Not your weiner!!!
August 27, 2017 7:26 PM   Subscribe

Oh crap I know I just woke up all my neighbors by laughing at this so hard that I was basically screaming

Oh my god what a good doggo
posted by Hermione Granger at 7:53 PM on August 27, 2017 [5 favorites]

That dog is the spitting image of my pup, only bigger. My guy was 125 pounds. Too gorgeous and funny!
posted by shoesietart at 8:06 PM on August 27, 2017

You misspelled horse.
posted by Fizz at 8:09 PM on August 27, 2017 [12 favorites]

The last, despairing "Don't step on my head..!"

I die.
posted by prismatic7 at 8:13 PM on August 27, 2017 [9 favorites]

One dog night.
posted by Bee'sWing at 8:20 PM on August 27, 2017 [2 favorites]

Not disappointing.
posted by bunderful at 8:26 PM on August 27, 2017

You know, you click on a link after reading people's reactions and think to yourself, "self, I won't laugh the way these other people have". Only the power of a giant mastiff exists to prove that weiners are always high comedy.
posted by drewbage1847 at 11:21 PM on August 27, 2017 [4 favorites]

Came for the mastiff, stayed for the super cute boxer.
posted by Room 101 at 5:27 AM on August 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

Snuggly male dog owners know, the wiener struggle is real.
posted by soren_lorensen at 6:16 AM on August 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

I just watched a guy get teabagged by a mastiff. And I couldn't quit laughing. What a strange world...
posted by azpenguin at 7:28 AM on August 28, 2017 [2 favorites]

the wiener struggle is real

Dein Wienerkampf?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:47 AM on August 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

Poor mastiffs. I used to foster rescues plus we had a few of our own. Dogs, we realized, mostly have no idea they are larger than their own heads, which is not significant for a little terrier or dachshund but scales very, very poorly when you're the size of a pony. A dog that size looks at a small space next to you on the couch and thinks "yes, I go there." They consider a small bathroom and think "I should go in there and see if the water dish lid is up, and then I should try to turn around to walk out."

And for most of them, 80+% of their brain resources are devoted to basic life support, locomotion, and drool production, so that's like a 73-point turn trying to get out of the bathroom, every single time, if they don't manage to rip the toilet up off the floor. They don't understand screams of pain, either, and they love to stand next to you, lean lovingly on your hip, and grind your foot bones into gravel with one unmovable paw.

I used to tell prospective adopters, "you're going to need to have a lot of patience regarding damage." Also, "you may want consider not using a coffee table."
posted by Lyn Never at 8:36 AM on August 28, 2017 [24 favorites]

Aww dude, he just wanted to drool all over your head! That's no reason to banish him.
posted by tommasz at 9:20 AM on August 28, 2017 [1 favorite]

Heh - this was my morning, our Daniff is 8 months old, about 100lbs and thinks he is a 20lb dog. He is so afraid of falling off the bed (which would mean a distance of 3-4 inches for him), that he pushes against you, assuming you will be a wall to protect him.

And boy - does he not like alarms... Especially if you hit the snooze and it comes back a time or two - by the third time, he was standing over me like a giant gargoyle...

Some not very current pics... (50lbs lighter)
posted by jkaczor at 10:17 AM on August 28, 2017 [3 favorites]

For a while I lived with a mastiff that my mom was taking care of for a friend. She was a lovely dog and endless fun to play with. One day she wanted some attention while I was reading in a recliner that was more or less in the middle of the room. I kept pushing her off telling her I'd take her out in a few minutes. She decided that the way to get me up and engaged was to come around the back of the chair, and gently, lovingly gnaw on my head.

The utter surprise (damn she could be sneaky for such a big dog) made me flip over backwards off the chair and into her. My mother came running in because I'm sure it sounded like an asteroid had hit the living room. She found a tangle of art student and dog both looking very surprised and confused.

She was great dog, I miss her.
posted by lumpenprole at 10:20 AM on August 28, 2017 [10 favorites]

Oh, this makes me miss my 100-lb Doberman. She tried to sleep in my bed occasionally. Once I came in and she was sprawled out with her head on the pillow. No room for me. I asked her to move so I could get in, too. She scooted around til she covered the bed diagonally. Even less room for me. Bless her soul, she was a good 'un!
posted by jhope71 at 10:21 AM on August 28, 2017 [4 favorites]

"you're going to need to have a lot of patience regarding damage."

Fingers-crossed - he has not accidentally damaged anything yet - (he does take shoes back to the chair, but does not chew on them... he is a sniffer apparently)

However, a warning I could relate - is that when training them about "where to go to the toilet" (outside of course, but be prepared for accidents), be aware that being so large, even with multiple giant-sized puppy pads (4+), his aim is poor - and he has the capacity of somewhere near Niagara Falls for overall volume...

Our other experience - is our guy is always seeking food - and left alone will find and eat anything resembling food - multiple trash-can raids, entire box of cereal stored on a shelf, nearly 6 feet above the ground. Corn cobs are like toothpicks to him... Leftovers from dinner - but accidentally forgotten on the 5 foot high ledge by the kiddo - might was well have vanished into thin air... And coffee - you cannot leave a cup of coffee unsupervised...
posted by jkaczor at 10:31 AM on August 28, 2017

The best part was listening to his wife laugh as she filmed the whole thing.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 9:03 AM on August 29, 2017 [4 favorites]

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