Silent Night, Bloody Night
December 9, 2017 1:27 AM   Subscribe

 
If you think about how it would feel for your significant other to be in mortal danger, Die Hard is probably the best Christmas Horror Mov-

[Axe-wielding Santa jumps out of the fireplace, mercifully hacks me to death]
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 2:01 AM on December 9, 2017 [13 favorites]


79. Wow. I watch a lot of horror and would have guessed the intersection with christmas at 20-30.

Not counting sequels, it took until #37, 1997's Jack Frost, to find something I'd even heard of. 84's Silent Night, Deadly Night at #14 is the first I've actually watched. But from #30 down there's a lot of intriguing new titles, particularly foreign stuff, so thanks for posting this.

#8 Better Watch Out is good. I watched it recently at halloween. It really is the anti-Home Alone.
posted by mannequito at 2:04 AM on December 9, 2017 [1 favorite]


#1 ... er no.
This is the cinematic list version of a Rick Roll.
posted by chavenet at 2:24 AM on December 9, 2017 [1 favorite]


Never gonna get you wet,
Never gonna shine bright light,
Never gonna feed you snacks after midnight.
posted by ian1977 at 2:40 AM on December 9, 2017 [24 favorites]


Came to make sure that the original Black Christmas was in the top five, saw that it was, leaves whilst nodding head approvingly.
posted by Kitteh at 2:54 AM on December 9, 2017 [10 favorites]


This is the cinematic list version of a Rick Roll

I find this response strange. It seemed so obvious to me that Gremlins would be in the top five that I was entirely unsurprised to see it at number one. What is your objection?

I watched Gremlins a couple of years back and was amazed by how much darker it was than my memory of it. I wonder if all the cultural stuff surrounding it makes it hard to remember what kind of film it actually is.
posted by howfar at 3:25 AM on December 9, 2017 [3 favorites]


Yeah, it's Gremlins, I'm not sure how anything else could be at the top of the list.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 5:03 AM on December 9, 2017


It’s really incredible how many piss-poor Christmas horror movies have been made in the last few years.

I’m a little surprised to see Santa’s Slay near the top of the list, but I suppose it was pretty fun. Also Babes in Toyland is part of mrsozzy’s childhood Christmas tradition, so she takes serious issue with its inclusion (although I agree that it’s creepy as hell).
posted by uncleozzy at 5:21 AM on December 9, 2017


I enjoyed A Christmas Horror Story (2015) more than Krampus (2015), but that may be because I'm a sucker for anthology films. Still a very solid list.

And I understand why it didn't qualify for inclusion, but I feel Tales from the Crypt (1972) deserves honorable mention for the segment "...And All Through the House," based on the story from Vault of Horror #35, which was adapted again as the second episode of the HBO series in 1989.
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:38 AM on December 9, 2017 [1 favorite]


I'm glad the high weirdness of Rare Exports ranked so well, that movie was a delight. Krampus surprised me with how well it pulled off what it was going for as well, while maintaining a comic air to it
posted by FatherDagon at 7:06 AM on December 9, 2017 [9 favorites]


Rare Exports was something I picked up for $5 in a bargain bin and its now a holiday film tradition. And it's delightfuly weird and sweet at the same time. Worth watching.
posted by Fizz at 7:14 AM on December 9, 2017


Bikini Bloodbath is the name of my next postindustrial dorkcore band, and Bikini Bloodbath Christmas is the name of our inevitable holiday album featuring Oh Holy Night performed on circular saw and teakettle whistle.
posted by filthy_prescriptivist at 7:32 AM on December 9, 2017 [1 favorite]


Off topic, but if you enjoyed the delightful weirdness of Rare Exports, father and son returned in "Big Game", which I won't claim is delightful but definitely continues the weirdness. :-)
posted by Alrescha at 7:41 AM on December 9, 2017


I can't believe it took until 2015 for someone to make the fake Christmas Horror movie from Ernest Saves Christmas.
posted by ckape at 8:48 AM on December 9, 2017


uncleozzy: "It’s really incredible how many piss-poor Christmas horror movies have been made in the last few years.

I’m a little surprised to see Santa’s Slay near the top of the list, but I suppose it was pretty fun. Also Babes in Toyland is part of mrsozzy’s childhood Christmas tradition, so she takes serious issue with its inclusion (although I agree that it’s creepy as hell).
"

Come ON! Terribly unlikable versions of James Caan, Fran Dreischer and Chris Kattan all murdered horribly around the Christmas dinner table in the first few minutes? That SHOULD place it high on the list! Also, angels and curling!
posted by Samizdata at 8:56 AM on December 9, 2017


Also, the original Rare Exports short is WELL worth the watch, if you haven't seen it.

Lovely. Here it is. In case you wonder where Santas come from.
posted by Samizdata at 9:02 AM on December 9, 2017 [2 favorites]


It really is the anti-Home Alone.

So an adult fends off a bunch of kids invading his house?
posted by RobotHero at 9:38 AM on December 9, 2017


Came to make sure that the original Black Christmas was in the top five, saw that it was, leaves whilst nodding head approvingly.

I can live with #2, although the #1 choice is dubious.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:13 AM on December 9, 2017


I don’t know if it was disqualified because 74 minutes doesn’t count as “feature length” or because it was made for TV, but Black Mirror White Christmas is one of the most horrifying Christmas movies ever, even if the body count is a measly two people. Actually, more like thanks to that.
posted by ejs at 10:20 AM on December 9, 2017 [2 favorites]


Rare Exports was such a surprising delight.
posted by rmd1023 at 11:36 AM on December 9, 2017


ejs: "I don’t know if it was disqualified because 74 minutes doesn’t count as “feature length” or because it was made for TV, but Black Mirror White Christmas is one of the most horrifying Christmas movies ever, even if the body count is a measly two people. Actually, more like thanks to that."

Yeah, thanks for making me watch it again. [grin]

Charlie Brooker and Black Mirror always leaves me conflicted since I can see SO much good and awesome in technology, then he has to go buzzkill me with his really probable grimtech.
posted by Samizdata at 11:58 AM on December 9, 2017 [4 favorites]


rmd1023: "Rare Exports was such a surprising delight."

Which one? (The choice to name them all the same strikes me as eminently frustrating.)
posted by Samizdata at 12:15 PM on December 9, 2017


I’ve just watched Rare Exports while stuffing Christmas cards into envelopes and drinking beer.

It was an excellent decision.
posted by uncleozzy at 6:41 PM on December 9, 2017


All of these lists are invalid. The most terrifying xmas horror story is Tales from the Darkside's "Seasons of Belief". You know, the one with the Gri... *crash, howl, sickening crunching noise*
posted by informavore at 4:00 AM on December 10, 2017 [1 favorite]


YES!! I loved that episode so much!! My brother and I sang that song to each other for years.
posted by ejs at 9:15 AM on December 10, 2017


True! The short is fun, but the feature length film is what I meant in the comment.
posted by rmd1023 at 2:35 PM on December 10, 2017 [1 favorite]


Feature length film version of that? I know what I’m doing December 24. Thanks!
posted by ejs at 3:13 PM on December 10, 2017


It's sort of a prequel to the short film. I guess?
posted by rmd1023 at 6:42 PM on December 10, 2017


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