Not Enough 'Shocking' Puns In Creation For This

June 28, 2018 2:15 PM

[NSFW text and pics] The setup: A redditor in /r/WTF posts a picture with this description: I found a homemade electric chair while exploring an abandoned building in Croatia. While discussing whether or not it is in fact that, redditor /u/anon72c says, "Contrary to what you see in movies, a car battery can't hurt you unless you drop it on your foot, or drink the acid." Another redditor suggests that he try connecting the battery to certain body parts as a test. Challenge accepted.

Spoiler: he doesn't die or experience pain, and gets a lot of reddit gold.

posted by Halloween Jack (48 comments total)

I mean, what mechanic hasn't accidentally shorted a car battery with their wrench before? It definitely gave me a strange buzzing sensation but it was not painful.

(However, my understanding is that skin resistance is actually a function of applied voltage, so for current flow through the human body it's not as simple as V=IR especially at higher voltages.)
posted by muddgirl at 2:25 PM on June 28, 2018 [4 favorites]

A well-executed post.
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:26 PM on June 28, 2018 [7 favorites]

That took

(sunglasses on)

balls.

AEEEYYOOOOOOOOOOOO
posted by maxsparber at 2:38 PM on June 28, 2018 [11 favorites]

oneswellfoop: A well-executed post.

We need a word that means "boo-but-also-yay."
posted by tzikeh at 2:38 PM on June 28, 2018 [6 favorites]

Here in the UK it's about 8am and we are all arriving at our desks in the office and sitting down to this. A man zapping his balls to shut down a bullshitter.

pure gold.
posted by nikaspark at 2:40 PM on June 28, 2018 [4 favorites]

TIL indeed.
posted by grumpybear69 at 2:41 PM on June 28, 2018

Someone was wrong on the internet.
posted by nubs at 2:42 PM on June 28, 2018 [5 favorites]

From the Reddit thread:

'What the hell are you doing?'
'Winning a a discussion on the internet honey.'
posted by nikaspark at 2:43 PM on June 28, 2018 [15 favorites]

When Vannevar Bush wrote "As We May Think" in 1945 and envisioned concepts that would later be realized in the Internet and the World Wide Web, I wonder if he foresaw a place for some dude hooking a car battery to his balls to prove some stranger wrong.
posted by Sangermaine at 2:46 PM on June 28, 2018 [43 favorites]

I do hope that this doesn't start up a trend of other people doing this, though. I mean, I know the young folk like to stay current and all, but this seems like something we should encourage people to resist copycatting. Because it will amp up until somebody does try drinking the acid or something. But frankly, with everything else going on in the world I'm not sure who could lead the charge on safety on this issue.
posted by nubs at 2:50 PM on June 28, 2018 [38 favorites]

So if someone told me this morning that before the day was done I'd be clicking a link labeled as "These are my testicles straight from the shower" I would have gone back to bed.
posted by cjorgensen at 2:50 PM on June 28, 2018 [18 favorites]

I'm glad they were freshly showered.
posted by peeedro at 2:50 PM on June 28, 2018 [4 favorites]

Well, just let him add the car's coil to that circuit and see what he says.

After he regains the power of speech, that is.
posted by jamjam at 2:57 PM on June 28, 2018 [3 favorites]

> I'm not sure who could lead the charge on safety on this issue.

Might I suggest the Consumer Product Safety Commission twitter, the greatest government Twitter ever?
posted by Karaage at 3:00 PM on June 28, 2018 [4 favorites]

Might I suggest the Consumer Product Safety Commission twitter, the greatest government Twitter ever?

That's the kind of high voltage campaign this issue needs!
posted by nubs at 3:07 PM on June 28, 2018 [5 favorites]

Yeah, it’s always fun to surprise people with the fact that a car battery has the same voltage as eight AA batteries
posted by DoctorFedora at 3:09 PM on June 28, 2018 [1 favorite]

When Vannevar Bush wrote "As We May Think" in 1945 and envisioned concepts that would later be realized in the Internet and the World Wide Web, I wonder if he foresaw a place for some dude hooking a car battery to his balls to prove some stranger wrong.

Well, obviously not, but only because car batteries back then were only 6V instead of the modern 12V.
posted by Huffy Puffy at 3:10 PM on June 28, 2018 [3 favorites]

tzikeh: We need a word that means "boo-but-also-yay."

A somewhat related internet phrase (popular on Tumblr but also elsewhere) is "Thanks. I hate it."
posted by mhum at 3:13 PM on June 28, 2018 [6 favorites]

> Well, just let him add the car's coil to that circuit and see what he says.

I'm confused. Can I safely hook up my testicles to the car or no?
posted by cjorgensen at 3:18 PM on June 28, 2018 [2 favorites]

Can I safely hook up my testicles to the car or no?

Auto-erotica
posted by nubs at 3:20 PM on June 28, 2018 [13 favorites]

I'd want to be very careful not to break the skin with the alligator clips, because that much voltage across low resistance tissue might produce more current than you'd like.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 3:32 PM on June 28, 2018 [2 favorites]

Can I safely hook up my testicles to the car or no?

The ionized gas becomes a conductor and allows current to flow across the gap. Spark plugs usually require voltage of 12,000–25,000 volts or more to "fire" properly, although it can be up to 45,000 volts.[Wikipedia]

The extra voltage comes from the coil.
posted by jamjam at 3:50 PM on June 28, 2018 [2 favorites]

tzikeh: We need a word that means "boo-but-also-yay."

You may also enjoy r/ATBGE (Awful Taste But Great Execution)
posted by creade at 3:59 PM on June 28, 2018 [2 favorites]

I'm... I'm really glad I got distracted from reading the actual Reddit thread by being notified of a reply to one of my comments, so that I could read the discussion here *before* getting into pictures of testicles with alligator clips on them.
posted by egypturnash at 4:00 PM on June 28, 2018 [1 favorite]

But frankly,

Which unit of electricity is that one?
posted by traveler_ at 4:04 PM on June 28, 2018

I do hope that this doesn't start up a trend of other people doing this, though. I mean, I know the young folk like to stay current and all, but this seems like something we should encourage people to resist copycatting. Because it will amp up until somebody does try drinking the acid or something. But frankly, with everything else going on in the world I'm not sure who could lead the charge on safety on this issue.

Let's try to stay a little grounded here, shall we? I mean, yes, kids today have the capacity to go nuts for all kinds of bad ideas, but I have trouble imagining this as more than a phase. An idea like attaching batteries to your genitals just doesn't have the power to grip and hold their attention; just thinking about it hurts. Sure, emergency rooms might report a small spike in frequency, but we're talking about a brief jolt - it's not going to become some new steady state.
posted by nickmark at 4:37 PM on June 28, 2018 [55 favorites]

I think nickmark shut that category down :-)
posted by nikaspark at 4:44 PM on June 28, 2018 [3 favorites]

You’re all terrible punsters and I love you.
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 4:56 PM on June 28, 2018 [3 favorites]

Well played!
posted by nubs at 5:05 PM on June 28, 2018 [2 favorites]

I think we should be grateful to nubs and nickmark for giving the conversation a much-needed jump.
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:42 PM on June 28, 2018 [4 favorites]

I'd want to be very careful not to break the skin with the alligator clips, because that much voltage across low resistance tissue might produce more current than you'd like.

Everything after the comma in this comment is not really necessary.
posted by smoke at 5:50 PM on June 28, 2018 [2 favorites]

Those are some smooth-ass balls.
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:57 PM on June 28, 2018 [1 favorite]

it can't force more current arbitrarily into a load

*rubs face*

Low-hanging fruit, indeed.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:56 PM on June 28, 2018 [2 favorites]

This is the best angry rebuttal of bullshit I have ever seen.
posted by Jacqueline at 7:13 PM on June 28, 2018 [4 favorites]

that much voltage across low resistance tissue might produce more current than you'd like

For the record, back when I installed car stereos for a living I had the very bad habit of stripping wires with my teeth. Until I put an orange wire protruding from a GM cars' dashboard into my mouth.

They are always live, for the dome light and the cigarette lighter and the such.

And briefly, I felt very live as well.
posted by CynicalKnight at 8:11 PM on June 28, 2018 [5 favorites]

I'm always surprised by this. We learnt all of this in science class in high school, probably year 9 or something. I vaguely recall that we probably mostly passed the exam. The difference for me is that I went on to work as a tech for ten years, so now when I see someone hook their nuts up to 13.8v and not much happens I react with "well duh, basic high school physics", because it's still obvious for me. Now I'm wondering what it is that I've forgotten that I was supposed to retain after high school that makes other people say duh. Probably heaps.
posted by deadwax at 9:26 PM on June 28, 2018

Reddit: I knew it was going to be balls, but I was still surprised by it.
posted by Vesihiisi at 11:33 PM on June 28, 2018 [1 favorite]

I wonder if he foresaw a place for some dude hooking a car battery to his balls to prove some stranger wrong.

If you build it, they will come.
posted by chavenet at 2:59 AM on June 29, 2018 [1 favorite]

I had the very bad habit of stripping wires with my teeth.

I broke that habit when I was stripping telephone wires, and the phone rang.
posted by StickyCarpet at 3:18 AM on June 29, 2018 [4 favorites]

When Vannevar Bush wrote "As We May Think" in 1945 and envisioned concepts that would later be realized in the Internet and the World Wide Web, I wonder if he foresaw a place for some dude hooking a car battery to his balls to prove some stranger wrong.

“Ever hooked your balls to a battery to prove someone wrong ... a thousand miles away? YOU WILL.”
posted by octobersurprise at 4:04 AM on June 29, 2018 [3 favorites]

I'm strangely all right with men being encouraged by this to electrocute their balls. I say let them have fun. Just out there, frying their balls. You all have fun. Thumbs up.
posted by 80 Cats in a Dog Suit at 4:47 AM on June 29, 2018 [4 favorites]

I am a Die Hard fan of nickmark’s comment.
posted by dr_dank at 6:03 AM on June 29, 2018 [1 favorite]

In the opposite direction, for low amperage/high voltage- grabbing an electric fence actually hurts. (The wire ones that run around slightly below knee level to keep cattle from straying, not the tape type used for horses, although apparently they use around the same voltage.) If you grab onto it, the pain lessens, but you muscles twitch every time the pulse runs through it. Having a bunch of high school students (who are really enthusiastic, even after being told that a.) it hurts and b.) they'd get the same credit for sitting this out (and with trying to mitigate any peer pressure)) grab it at the same time, the already low amperage is reduced enough that no one feels a thing. Finally, when a student bites the damn thing (after asking and being told not to lick it) while your back is turned, they will be fine, although they will admit it did hurt a bit, even though they just reduced the skin resistance by more than you'd like to contemplate.

Also, you can have a fun day teaching your physics class about electrical resistance with an electric fence. They told me it was one of the better labs.

I am not going to try to extrapolate this into using it on any other body part. There are sex toys to do so safely and easily.
posted by Hactar at 7:33 AM on June 29, 2018 [1 favorite]

grabbing an electric fence actually hurts

Would you advise against peeing on the electric fence?
posted by nubs at 7:45 AM on June 29, 2018 [1 favorite]

Fine. Now let's get to the field phone test. Com'ere, let me hook you up. First let me show you some tricks on your teeth, then we'll get to the nut of the situation.

(I hereby give testimony from personal experience, having been thusly interrogated during an EE training exercise, that you will speak fluently in several tongues and take back stuff you didn't even steal)
posted by mule98J at 9:04 AM on June 29, 2018 [1 favorite]

Adding a coil to the circuit will make absolutely no difference whatsoever.
The high voltage generated by a coil only occurs when the circuit is made or broken and only lasts a fraction of a second.
posted by Burn_IT at 9:11 AM on June 29, 2018

It actually only occurs when the circuit is broken, because it depends on the established magnetic field of the coil collapsing back through the coil itself, but I assume this man doesn't plan to wear all this for the rest of his life, and unless precautions were to be taken, he'd experience that extremely painful sensation for a lot longer than a fraction of a second when he disconnected.
posted by jamjam at 10:07 AM on June 29, 2018

I hereby give testimony

I see what you did there...
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:47 AM on June 29, 2018 [1 favorite]