the faint sound of a grown ass man SCREAMING in pain
October 9, 2018 4:54 PM   Subscribe

 
Oh Jesus. Oh, God love the man. Related: twerking while you wait.

Being a huge nerd, I sometimes find myself being mysteriously pursued in public by the original Final Fantasy theme. It’s because I have somehow turned on the FF port app on my phone in my pocket.
posted by Countess Elena at 5:01 PM on October 9 [7 favorites]


Never forget your is-it-safe word
posted by thelonius at 5:02 PM on October 9 [12 favorites]


This made me laugh and laugh! I had to many dental appointments this summer, a two-part root canal, and then an extraction. They took my blood pressure before the extraction, and it was well above normal (I don't have hypertension).
posted by honey badger at 5:25 PM on October 9


I did not see that coming.
posted by medusa at 5:31 PM on October 9 [19 favorites]


That jusst made my day. Thanks!
posted by Floydd at 5:39 PM on October 9


I mean, technically, the screaming man was getting a filling.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:42 PM on October 9 [64 favorites]


I mean, technically, the screaming man was getting a filling.

Bless my heart, but I had parsed that ending as the guy somehow inexplicably (a) watching a video of two men having a like streetfight and (b) that not being worthy of explanation despite being pretty weird and dark and (c) "getting a filling" being a strange way to describe being punched repeatedly in the face and ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh okay that makes more sense
posted by cortex at 5:45 PM on October 9 [26 favorites]


So I guess it turns out a self-Gotcha is a Gach-I.
posted by snuffleupagus at 5:46 PM on October 9 [1 favorite]


I thought the other patient/the dude in the video was yelling, "HIS FISSURE! MY FISSURE!"
posted by bendy at 6:25 PM on October 9 [3 favorites]


I did not see that coming.

I was going to comment on the O. Henry style ending, but since that comment is pretty close to perfection, I’ll just kick back and enjoy the rest of the thread.
posted by TedW at 6:32 PM on October 9 [10 favorites]


Dr Chuck Tingle, DDS
posted by dr_dank at 6:37 PM on October 9 [31 favorites]


I felt like it was plausible that there would actually be a guy screaming like that because once I went with my husband to an appointment he had at a urologist and there was a guy in the back who was passing a kidney stone very slowly and very loudly to the horror of everyone in the waiting room. So I was relieved that this story ended differently.
posted by jenjenc at 6:51 PM on October 9 [3 favorites]


And so, an ordinary man learned that you can never trust your senses, no ifs, ands or buts... in the Twilight Zone.
posted by BiggerJ at 6:58 PM on October 9 [2 favorites]


I mean, technically, the screaming man was getting a filling.

something something fissures something
posted by Panthalassa at 7:17 PM on October 9 [1 favorite]


I don’t quite get it. How did the video spontaneously start? How did the volume get gradually louder over time? For the latter, I’m guessing the “volume up” button kept getting pressed by his pants as he took steps?
posted by mantecol at 7:18 PM on October 9 [1 favorite]


Presumably it was like a butt dial. A butt play, if you will.
posted by shapes that haunt the dusk at 7:21 PM on October 9 [11 favorites]


How did the volume get gradually louder over time?

Rising action?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:21 PM on October 9 [2 favorites]


How did the volume get gradually louder over time?

I take it you haven't watched a lot of streetfight videos.
posted by cortex at 7:27 PM on October 9 [34 favorites]


I was going to comment on the O. Henry style ending, but since that comment is pretty close to perfection, I’ll just kick back and enjoy the rest of the thread.

I am a Dentist and I love everything about this story and that comment.
posted by OHenryPacey at 7:55 PM on October 9 [22 favorites]


Bless you, OP article and comment thread, for making me laugh harder than I have in days! I needed that!
posted by hippybear at 9:13 PM on October 9 [2 favorites]


Weird. I had almost the exact opposite experience today. Was having a medical exam, pants around my ankles, and right at the, uh... critical moment, the whine of a dentist's drill started up. I was worried for a second, as I couldn't see what was going on back there, and there was no way that would have been called for. Turns out it was just my phone, set to vibrate, buzzing against the keys in my pants pocket.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:30 PM on October 9 [30 favorites]


I have literally sat in a dentists office listening to a child scream bloody murder for several minutes. When my dentist finally came in his face was white. He explained that he had been removing stitches from the gums of a four year old. Apparently not a pleasant experience for anyone.
posted by bq at 10:11 PM on October 9 [2 favorites]


I am laughing like a maniac at both the story and this thread. Thanks, griphus!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 10:34 PM on October 9 [1 favorite]


Does no one recognize that this is clearly a viral advertisement for the audio playback fidelity of the Pixel 2?
posted by alexei at 11:55 PM on October 9 [3 favorites]


Time and again I've managed to start my podcast player whilst the phone is in my pocket. It's invariably when the QI Elves are cracking a dick joke.
posted by Harald74 at 12:38 AM on October 10 [1 favorite]


I can't even find the post but this reminds me of it -- it was about a girl who forgot to plug in her earphones in the bus and turned on the text-to-speech function to read a Thor/Loki fic and didn't realise everyone was listening in until well, the good part.
posted by cendawanita at 5:09 AM on October 10 [15 favorites]


I think we're gonna need a link to this Thor/Loki fic for uh... reasons.
posted by xedrik at 7:15 AM on October 10 [5 favorites]


i've been trying! someone else must know which post i'm talking about, it was reblogged like wildfire...!
posted by cendawanita at 7:25 AM on October 10 [1 favorite]


FOUND IT. i remembered some details wrongly, the tumblr was named after thor but the fic itself is Stucky. Anyway, enjoy.
posted by cendawanita at 8:02 AM on October 10 [6 favorites]


Boy oh boy, Mefites, it's been a TRYING day, thank you OP and commenters for making it 100% better. A. Ma. Zing.
posted by Ziggy500 at 8:35 AM on October 10 [1 favorite]


Speaking of fissures, this brought to mind a classic from 1993.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 9:34 AM on October 10


FOUND IT. i remembered some details wrongly, the tumblr was named after thor but the fic itself is Stucky. Anyway, enjoy.

oh my God
I have died. I have died of dysentery

this story reminds me of the time that Travis McElroy said he farted audibly on a city bus and ended up buying a car the next day
posted by Countess Elena at 5:01 PM on October 10 [2 favorites]


(beautiful)
posted by wallabear at 8:29 PM on October 10


« Older The Specialized Field of Fetal Surgery   |   dun dun dun da-dun DUNNNN dunnnn Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments