Matreon: The Patreon platform for emotional labor
October 12, 2018 11:17 PM Subscribe
"Hello and thank you for attempting to engage in an unsolicited conversation with me! In order to ensure our interaction is productive and enriching for both parties, I invite you to join my Matreon. For just a few dollars a month, you can continue to approach me with whatever the hell is on your mind regardless of context or appropriateness, and I will continue to do the emotional labor required to respond without calling you a privileged, myopic dipshit.
McSweeny's doesn't pay for these articles either but it's also one of the few high profile venues left alive so I guess the joke is on all of us.
posted by The Whelk at 11:40 PM on October 12, 2018 [17 favorites]
posted by The Whelk at 11:40 PM on October 12, 2018 [17 favorites]
Looks like they've started paying a little for general, open letter, and lists submissions as of Oct. 1, 2018, though they acknowledge not paying before.
posted by Wobbuffet at 11:48 PM on October 12, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Wobbuffet at 11:48 PM on October 12, 2018 [1 favorite]
I'm all for pay advice, but this is goofy framing. Call it Dear Ass-y or something.
posted by rhizome at 11:50 PM on October 12, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by rhizome at 11:50 PM on October 12, 2018 [1 favorite]
Ha! I did this to an ex-fwb who was both incredibly self-centred and oblivious to his self-centredness. He finally stopped texting me (where my discouraging terse texts hadn't worked) when I agreed to listen to his latest (stupid) business idea and suggested a meeting place... and payrate.
posted by b33j at 12:35 AM on October 13, 2018 [20 favorites]
posted by b33j at 12:35 AM on October 13, 2018 [20 favorites]
"I don't want to be bothered by the challenges you're having with being a human, and I'm resentful that you're so willing to ask anything of me. So, pay me."
posted by armoir from antproof case at 12:38 AM on October 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by armoir from antproof case at 12:38 AM on October 13, 2018 [5 favorites]
Generally speaking, the guys she's talking about don't frame these interactions as being about their own struggles with being human. And they sure as fuck don't ask.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 1:11 AM on October 13, 2018 [55 favorites]
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 1:11 AM on October 13, 2018 [55 favorites]
Still a deal! A few dollars a month to be on the always-receiving end of a non-reciprocal relationship with lots of emotional labor expectations is a fantastic arrangement for the party that is always getting way more than they're putting in.
posted by quince at 1:11 AM on October 13, 2018 [12 favorites]
posted by quince at 1:11 AM on October 13, 2018 [12 favorites]
My partner wants to start a slush fund for domestic emotional labour. I am reading out loud what quince said.
posted by infini at 3:45 AM on October 13, 2018
posted by infini at 3:45 AM on October 13, 2018
Is it time for the baboon article again?
posted by schadenfrau at 5:21 AM on October 13, 2018 [12 favorites]
posted by schadenfrau at 5:21 AM on October 13, 2018 [12 favorites]
"I don't want to be bothered by the challenges you're having with being a human, and I'm resentful that you're so willing to ask anything of me. So, pay me."
hard to imagine resenting an unending stream of strangers who hate women and desperately need to tell them so.
I'm all for pay advice, but this is goofy framing. Call it Dear Ass-y or something.
what is this in reference to? the tired McSweeney's bit has nothing to do with advice. it's not exactly subtle.
posted by queenofbithynia at 5:36 AM on October 13, 2018 [18 favorites]
hard to imagine resenting an unending stream of strangers who hate women and desperately need to tell them so.
I'm all for pay advice, but this is goofy framing. Call it Dear Ass-y or something.
what is this in reference to? the tired McSweeney's bit has nothing to do with advice. it's not exactly subtle.
posted by queenofbithynia at 5:36 AM on October 13, 2018 [18 favorites]
I'm starting my own site called Patronizr. You can figure out what it does, since you're so smart.
posted by blue_beetle at 6:58 AM on October 13, 2018 [39 favorites]
posted by blue_beetle at 6:58 AM on October 13, 2018 [39 favorites]
Surprising amount of point-missing in here for what I thought was a pretty obvious bit of parody.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 7:09 AM on October 13, 2018 [33 favorites]
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 7:09 AM on October 13, 2018 [33 favorites]
Yeah. I thought it was pretty clever and to the point.
posted by Too-Ticky at 7:14 AM on October 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by Too-Ticky at 7:14 AM on October 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
"I don't want to be bothered by the challenges you're having with being a human, and I'm resentful that you're so willing to ask anything of me. So, pay me."
Sounds like you need to pay someone $5 to read the article to you.
posted by ejs at 7:40 AM on October 13, 2018 [54 favorites]
Sounds like you need to pay someone $5 to read the article to you.
posted by ejs at 7:40 AM on October 13, 2018 [54 favorites]
High five on that sweet insight, bro!
Great response, this is all I ever need and will use it! Hyperlinked to this article. Thanks for posting, this was hilarious!
posted by ipsative at 8:09 AM on October 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
Great response, this is all I ever need and will use it! Hyperlinked to this article. Thanks for posting, this was hilarious!
posted by ipsative at 8:09 AM on October 13, 2018 [6 favorites]
"I don't want to be bothered by the challenges you're having with being a human, and I'm resentful that you're so willing to ask anything of me. So, pay me."
Sounds like your are the Matreon target demographic!
posted by greermahoney at 8:28 AM on October 13, 2018 [20 favorites]
Sounds like your are the Matreon target demographic!
posted by greermahoney at 8:28 AM on October 13, 2018 [20 favorites]
I mean yeah, I really don't want lt to be bothered with some random dude's struggles because I am a woman. Women are not your free therapists and emotional landfill sites.
Men: deal with your shit and stop expecting women to do it for you. Get therapy, be friends to each other, do that emotional labor and self discovery.
BECAUSE WOMEN HAVE ALWAYS HAD TO DO IT OURSELVES. Ain't no random dudes lining up to hear my troubles.
posted by emjaybee at 10:09 AM on October 13, 2018 [49 favorites]
Men: deal with your shit and stop expecting women to do it for you. Get therapy, be friends to each other, do that emotional labor and self discovery.
BECAUSE WOMEN HAVE ALWAYS HAD TO DO IT OURSELVES. Ain't no random dudes lining up to hear my troubles.
posted by emjaybee at 10:09 AM on October 13, 2018 [49 favorites]
MetaFilter: Ain't no random dudes lining up to hear my troubles.
Sorry, it had to be done.
posted by BlueHorse at 10:57 AM on October 13, 2018 [15 favorites]
Sorry, it had to be done.
posted by BlueHorse at 10:57 AM on October 13, 2018 [15 favorites]
I think maybe it would be better if more people did emotional labor, rather than fewer... the world seems to need it? Just, not the same few who always seem to do it. So, I guess, train and explain it to the men (not everybody all the time, just, I don't know, make a web site or something), and let them _finally_ figure out what and how much to do.
Sure, some will refuse, but there are an awful lot of well-intentioned people still messing up...
posted by amtho at 11:48 AM on October 13, 2018
Sure, some will refuse, but there are an awful lot of well-intentioned people still messing up...
posted by amtho at 11:48 AM on October 13, 2018
Also, these are not actual conversations. Nothing I say or think matters in these interactions, because I do not matter to you. You need to work out your anxieties and aggression, and you’re used to your punching bags being lady-shaped, so as soon as you saw me you started swinging. You don’t need a conversation. You need a woman to reassure you that you’re right, that your opinions are well-considered, and that you are valid and important and just.
I had one particular dude in mind as I read this paragraph, but it works equally well with other dudes in mind! This is great.
“I will go on a diet straight away, you absolute fucking hero!”
I like this one a lot. Definitely filing this away for possible later use.
posted by limeonaire at 12:12 PM on October 13, 2018 [9 favorites]
I had one particular dude in mind as I read this paragraph, but it works equally well with other dudes in mind! This is great.
“I will go on a diet straight away, you absolute fucking hero!”
I like this one a lot. Definitely filing this away for possible later use.
posted by limeonaire at 12:12 PM on October 13, 2018 [9 favorites]
That entry level is a steal and all the user really wants. An hour with AWS and this becomes real. And hey - @jack is going to boost awful shit no matter the ratio so let’s get women paid.
posted by drowsy at 1:57 PM on October 13, 2018
posted by drowsy at 1:57 PM on October 13, 2018
I knew a dude in law school who was super-determined to expound all his nonsense political theories in which he attempted to recreate the entire history of political thought from the ground up, de novo, as if he was the first person who'd ever thought those thoughts because he was so self-impressed he thought he really was the first, and so ignorant he had no idea he wasn't, to me, at length, without letting me get a word in edgewise (I majored in theology & poli sci), and finally I got so aggravated that I typed up a reading list and the next time he started in, I shoved it at him and said, "You're not allowed to talk to me about politics any more until you finish that reading list."
He was absolutely flabbergasted and I was able to make my escape while he stood there gape-jawed and staring at me in horror with this paper clutched in his hand.
We didn't really speak after that, but he did e-mail me about a year later and said he'd finished the reading list and thanked me for providing it, he'd learned some stuff. He never talked to me about politics again, though, I think because he was afraid I'd call him out again.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 3:41 PM on October 13, 2018 [79 favorites]
He was absolutely flabbergasted and I was able to make my escape while he stood there gape-jawed and staring at me in horror with this paper clutched in his hand.
We didn't really speak after that, but he did e-mail me about a year later and said he'd finished the reading list and thanked me for providing it, he'd learned some stuff. He never talked to me about politics again, though, I think because he was afraid I'd call him out again.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 3:41 PM on October 13, 2018 [79 favorites]
...Eyebrows, have you posted that reading list anywhere by any chance? (Please don't put any effort into finding it; I don't think the thread could take the irony.)
I distinctly remember seeing people charging annoying prats for emotional labour for real a few years ago.
posted by Merus at 7:58 PM on October 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
I distinctly remember seeing people charging annoying prats for emotional labour for real a few years ago.
posted by Merus at 7:58 PM on October 13, 2018 [2 favorites]
"Eyebrows, have you posted that reading list anywhere by any chance?"
Sadly, no. It was just a bunch of poli sci classics like the Areopagitica, Leviathan, The Republic, Second Treatise of Government, On Liberty, The Prince, and other stuff you'd read in a Political Theory 101 class. This guy was ignorant. It was probably a bit Locke-heavy because he had some weird property-related theories about ownership; some of it was definitely responding to specific nonsense unique to him. But it was just like, you have to come up to a baseline of a reasonably literate college freshman before I'm willing to engage in conversations (/monologue listening) with someone as aggravating as you are.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:08 PM on October 13, 2018 [11 favorites]
Sadly, no. It was just a bunch of poli sci classics like the Areopagitica, Leviathan, The Republic, Second Treatise of Government, On Liberty, The Prince, and other stuff you'd read in a Political Theory 101 class. This guy was ignorant. It was probably a bit Locke-heavy because he had some weird property-related theories about ownership; some of it was definitely responding to specific nonsense unique to him. But it was just like, you have to come up to a baseline of a reasonably literate college freshman before I'm willing to engage in conversations (/monologue listening) with someone as aggravating as you are.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:08 PM on October 13, 2018 [11 favorites]
I had a guy reach out to me on OK Cupid. He did not want to date me, oh no. His girlfriend wasn’t interested in becoming poly so he wanted to meet me to discuss the challenges of being poly. In other words, he wanted a shoulder to cry on. He wrote to me shortly after the emotional labor thread here and I wrote him back and said that sounded like emotional labor, which was work. So he would need to pay me if he wanted to use me as a sounding board. Unsurprisingly, I never heard back from the guy. Crafting my response was highly satisfying nonetheless.
posted by Bella Donna at 1:38 AM on October 14, 2018 [32 favorites]
posted by Bella Donna at 1:38 AM on October 14, 2018 [32 favorites]
I want this for talking to elderly conservative women. Please.
posted by EinAtlanta at 5:02 AM on October 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by EinAtlanta at 5:02 AM on October 14, 2018 [2 favorites]
"I don't want to be bothered by the challenges you're having with being a human, and I'm resentful that you're so willing to ask anything of me. So, pay me."
Let me guess - you’re a dude.
posted by 41swans at 6:38 AM on October 14, 2018 [9 favorites]
Let me guess - you’re a dude.
posted by 41swans at 6:38 AM on October 14, 2018 [9 favorites]
Turns out I really am disinterested in the problems of entitled men, and I resent the hell out of their jaw-dropping lack of emotional reciprocity. So high five on that sweet insight, bro!
posted by jesourie at 9:26 AM on October 14, 2018 [16 favorites]
posted by jesourie at 9:26 AM on October 14, 2018 [16 favorites]
"I don't want to be bothered by the challenges you're having with being a human, and I'm resentful that you're so willing to ask anything of me. So, pay me."
Hi! You're just in time for our introductory offer! For just $150.00, We will give you a personalized 5,000 word essay on what you got completely wrong, including missed references in the original essay, and sociopolitical context! For another $150.00, you will get the delux essay, including a guide to current topics in feminism, the use of sarcasm in response to sexism, and the history of Men Not Getting the Point.
Call now, this offer is only good until, you know, whenever.
posted by happyroach at 9:43 PM on October 15, 2018 [12 favorites]
Hi! You're just in time for our introductory offer! For just $150.00, We will give you a personalized 5,000 word essay on what you got completely wrong, including missed references in the original essay, and sociopolitical context! For another $150.00, you will get the delux essay, including a guide to current topics in feminism, the use of sarcasm in response to sexism, and the history of Men Not Getting the Point.
Call now, this offer is only good until, you know, whenever.
posted by happyroach at 9:43 PM on October 15, 2018 [12 favorites]
Professional bridesmaids have become a routine option for wedding packages, currently offered by more than 50 wedding planning firms in China. A professional bridesmaid would be required to act as the make-up artist, to drink alcohol and fend off rude guests on behalf of the bride, among many other tasks. They are required to perform what the sociologist Arlie Hochschild termed “emotional labour”: fake smiles, engineering a joyous atmosphere, and taking part in traditional stunts that are otherwise considered too vulgar for many.
Depending on the level of “difficulty” of the services they provide, a professional bridesmaid is paid between 200 yuan (around €25) and 800 yuan (around €100) per wedding. Many professional bridesmaids work on weekends, in addition to their routine weekday jobs, in order to generate extra income.
posted by infini at 11:06 AM on October 16, 2018 [6 favorites]
Depending on the level of “difficulty” of the services they provide, a professional bridesmaid is paid between 200 yuan (around €25) and 800 yuan (around €100) per wedding. Many professional bridesmaids work on weekends, in addition to their routine weekday jobs, in order to generate extra income.
posted by infini at 11:06 AM on October 16, 2018 [6 favorites]
Being a professional bridesmaid actually sounds pretty fun, as a paying job. I can see myself really getting into the act.
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 4:52 PM on October 17, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by Anticipation Of A New Lover's Arrival, The at 4:52 PM on October 17, 2018 [2 favorites]
What? You hang out next to the bride and nimbly snatch glasses away and gargle down champagne and plumwine all night? Smile a big horsey smile, wear a ridiculous frock, be decidedly pudgy and awkward, dance with great enthusiasm but zero rhythm or agility? Is there a job I'm better suited for anywhere on the globe?
posted by Don Pepino at 5:25 PM on October 17, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by Don Pepino at 5:25 PM on October 17, 2018 [5 favorites]
"Electronic drool strings" is a great line.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:30 PM on October 18, 2018
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:30 PM on October 18, 2018
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posted by a humble nudibranch at 11:38 PM on October 12, 2018 [3 favorites]