In the Ocean of Night
October 31, 2018 9:39 PM Subscribe
So let me spell it out for you... 1. A year ago, we got buzzed by a really weird interstellar object that is looking increasingly like some sort of galactic sentry buoy.
2. Out of no where, Donald Trump starts talking about how we need to build a Space Force, pronto.
3. A few weeks ago, two of our space telescopes "go offline" at the same time.
4. Kepler -- our main exoplanet hunting telescope, has conveniently run out of fuel.
5. LET ME CONNECT THE DOTS FOR YOU
6. And of course the emergency evacuation and 10 day shutdown of the Sunspot Solar Observatory in September was "nothing to panic" about. Right. The police tape was merely a precautionary measure.
7. I guess one thing we could do if we're worried is check in with our own sentries. Let's see what the Opportunity rover has to say. Hello? Opportunity? That's odd.
2. Out of no where, Donald Trump starts talking about how we need to build a Space Force, pronto.
3. A few weeks ago, two of our space telescopes "go offline" at the same time.
4. Kepler -- our main exoplanet hunting telescope, has conveniently run out of fuel.
5. LET ME CONNECT THE DOTS FOR YOU
6. And of course the emergency evacuation and 10 day shutdown of the Sunspot Solar Observatory in September was "nothing to panic" about. Right. The police tape was merely a precautionary measure.
7. I guess one thing we could do if we're worried is check in with our own sentries. Let's see what the Opportunity rover has to say. Hello? Opportunity? That's odd.
It's all TRUE!!!!
posted by sammyo at 9:44 PM on October 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by sammyo at 9:44 PM on October 31, 2018 [1 favorite]
I will repeat here my theory that Reality actually did end on 12/21/2012 as predicted but it was immediately replaced by Hollywood Screenwriter Reality. This is one piece of evidence of that, but if you look back on the past 6 years, it's truly the ONLY explanation!
posted by hippybear at 9:58 PM on October 31, 2018 [32 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 9:58 PM on October 31, 2018 [32 favorites]
It's PKD + Bowie. We live in a simulation. They are the two prophets. Heaven's Gate wasn't "wrong" per se, they were just ... miscalibrated.
2012 *did* happen, but 2016 was the "shockwave of eschatology" as Terence called 2012. That is. 2012 was merely the "BOOM" the thing is, we weren't THERE when the boom happened, we are on "the ground" thus, it took a while for us to experience the effects. 4 years later, when Bowie died, the blackstar reboot began.
I'm an atheist AND anti-transhumanist (though I used to be a transhumanist) but this is now my religious belief, and until reality starts proving me wrong, I'm gonna have to just continue believing (or, you know, as Journey, with their "suspicious cassette tape bomb" would have sang : I "(w)on't stop believing"
posted by symbioid at 10:03 PM on October 31, 2018 [12 favorites]
2012 *did* happen, but 2016 was the "shockwave of eschatology" as Terence called 2012. That is. 2012 was merely the "BOOM" the thing is, we weren't THERE when the boom happened, we are on "the ground" thus, it took a while for us to experience the effects. 4 years later, when Bowie died, the blackstar reboot began.
I'm an atheist AND anti-transhumanist (though I used to be a transhumanist) but this is now my religious belief, and until reality starts proving me wrong, I'm gonna have to just continue believing (or, you know, as Journey, with their "suspicious cassette tape bomb" would have sang : I "(w)on't stop believing"
posted by symbioid at 10:03 PM on October 31, 2018 [12 favorites]
In 2017 they started broadcasting the bitcoin blockchain into space and the price suddenly spikes. I'm not saying that aliens, upon encountering this decided we had thus reached a sufficient level of technology to warrant first contact, I'm just not ruling it out. Also, you think it's a coincidence Trump is now hurriedly trying to mess with the US birth right citizenship laws? To stop an alien Presidency. Connect the dots sheeple.
posted by Damienmce at 10:03 PM on October 31, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by Damienmce at 10:03 PM on October 31, 2018 [7 favorites]
I would straight up murder some dudes to get an alien president. I mean ... I just ... well, you probably don't wanna know what I'd do in service of an alien president.
posted by aramaic at 10:33 PM on October 31, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by aramaic at 10:33 PM on October 31, 2018 [7 favorites]
Man I miss the Weekly World News.
posted by drinkyclown at 10:37 PM on October 31, 2018 [14 favorites]
posted by drinkyclown at 10:37 PM on October 31, 2018 [14 favorites]
An alien attack on Earth is about the only event I can imagine that could unite all of humanity.
posted by reductiondesign at 10:43 PM on October 31, 2018 [9 favorites]
posted by reductiondesign at 10:43 PM on October 31, 2018 [9 favorites]
An alien attack on Earth is about the only event I can imagine that could unite all of humanity.You hopeless optimist. Humanity would fragment into the pro-alien and anti-alien factions overnight. The pro-alienates would then schism into the being-eaten and prefer-not-to-be-eaten sects. The being-eaten sect would then engage in a programme of identifying the first tranche of humanity to be eaten. This tranche would largely consist of the prefer-nots.
The anti-aliens would divide into pro-action and passive-resistance wings.
Each faction would campaign and fight with the others until the original cause of the squabble was forgotten, and we all get on to moaning about the ruinous tribute the aliens demand.
Compare with the history of colonialism anywhere. Under pressure, the first thing humans do is to form opposed factions, which the colonists exploit.
posted by Combat Wombat at 10:58 PM on October 31, 2018 [73 favorites]
Dear Aliens,
We give up, please tell us how to sustainably run a planet.
Love, Hoomans.
posted by krisjohn at 11:27 PM on October 31, 2018 [12 favorites]
We give up, please tell us how to sustainably run a planet.
Love, Hoomans.
posted by krisjohn at 11:27 PM on October 31, 2018 [12 favorites]
Oumuamua reminds me of Stanislav Lem's short story, Pirx's Tale, in which his shambolic astronautical pilot doing routine freighter duty towing metals on a rust-bucket space-ship answers an alarm and finds out he has encountered a very large object on a close-encounter path. At first he thinks it's another like his own ship, but at closest range it proves to be a huge ancient lifeless & derelict alien craft on a briefly coincident hyperbolic trajectory from outside the solar system. His crew-mates are asleep or drunk, the recording devices are non-functional, the orbital data he enters isn't recorded, the cameras aren't working, and so forth . . . so all he's got is the story, no proof, and no one would believe him.
posted by lathrop at 11:33 PM on October 31, 2018 [13 favorites]
posted by lathrop at 11:33 PM on October 31, 2018 [13 favorites]
Rendevouz With Rama
posted by hippybear at 11:35 PM on October 31, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 11:35 PM on October 31, 2018 [4 favorites]
“No one would have believed in the early years of the twenty-first century that this world was being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than man’s and yet as mortal as his own; that as men busied themselves about their various concerns they were scrutinised and studied, perhaps almost as narrowly as a man with a microscope might scrutinise the transient creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. With infinite complacency men went to and fro over this globe about their little affairs, serene in their assurance of their empire over matter. It is possible that the infusoria under the microscope do the same.
No one gave a thought to the older worlds of space as sources of human danger, or thought of them only to dismiss the idea of life upon them as impossible or improbable. It is curious to recall some of the mental habits of those departed days. At most terrestrial men fancied there might be other intelligent life in the universe, perhaps inferior to themselves and ready to welcome a missionary enterprise. Yet across the gulf of space, minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of the beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew their plans against us.”
(...with all apologies to H.G. Wells)
posted by cenoxo at 11:54 PM on October 31, 2018 [6 favorites]
No one gave a thought to the older worlds of space as sources of human danger, or thought of them only to dismiss the idea of life upon them as impossible or improbable. It is curious to recall some of the mental habits of those departed days. At most terrestrial men fancied there might be other intelligent life in the universe, perhaps inferior to themselves and ready to welcome a missionary enterprise. Yet across the gulf of space, minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of the beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew their plans against us.”
(...with all apologies to H.G. Wells)
posted by cenoxo at 11:54 PM on October 31, 2018 [6 favorites]
I, for one
posted by mwhybark at 11:59 PM on October 31, 2018 [24 favorites]
posted by mwhybark at 11:59 PM on October 31, 2018 [24 favorites]
The first article suggests it may be some kind of jetsam of an interstellar species, a loose shred of solar sail. I think that's a really interesting image -- what if the first evidence we had of a alien life was the equivalent of a shredded tire whipping off a big rig and landing in some remote spot off the road?
posted by Rinku at 11:59 PM on October 31, 2018 [33 favorites]
posted by Rinku at 11:59 PM on October 31, 2018 [33 favorites]
ITS A COOKBOOK
posted by loquacious at 1:22 AM on November 1, 2018 [12 favorites]
posted by loquacious at 1:22 AM on November 1, 2018 [12 favorites]
More seriously? I've been watching the skies for a good long while and I've been seeing some super weird shit. And I'm a satellite hound and tracker. If I see a satellite flare I can usually guess what it is from the track angle, and can look it up via phone app. I know my ISS/Zarya from Iridium flares (RIP, the new birds won't flare!), etc.
I do not dive into UFO forums or media at all.
I don't know of any known Earth orbital tech with enough Delta V to make a nearly but not instantaneous right angle turn at what is obviously LEO orbital velocities, and I've seen like three of those in the last year.
This doesn't really bother me much at this point. I'm not declaring that what I saw was either real or extra terrestrial. Occam's razor suggests man-made first.
But I've seen a few things I don't have a good explanation for, and I don't think I'm alone in that.
posted by loquacious at 1:40 AM on November 1, 2018 [16 favorites]
I do not dive into UFO forums or media at all.
I don't know of any known Earth orbital tech with enough Delta V to make a nearly but not instantaneous right angle turn at what is obviously LEO orbital velocities, and I've seen like three of those in the last year.
This doesn't really bother me much at this point. I'm not declaring that what I saw was either real or extra terrestrial. Occam's razor suggests man-made first.
But I've seen a few things I don't have a good explanation for, and I don't think I'm alone in that.
posted by loquacious at 1:40 AM on November 1, 2018 [16 favorites]
The 2nd link’s comment section is way more signal than I expected. The article itself is also a hoot - Oumuamua is made even more interesting than it already was. Most significantly I didn’t realize how little information there was about it. So little that it’s (seemingly) not very much higher than a bloop of data. In the comments one of the best discussions was about deriving the 3D shape of the object from the 1D available data - there were only barely two sources of data, and at times the second source (Spitzer Space telescope) couldn’t see it at all.
Inconclusive but way suggestive and interesting and... uh, you know, to paraphrase Cixin Liu, if truly do love in a dark forest we are toast.
posted by From Bklyn at 2:01 AM on November 1, 2018
Inconclusive but way suggestive and interesting and... uh, you know, to paraphrase Cixin Liu, if truly do love in a dark forest we are toast.
posted by From Bklyn at 2:01 AM on November 1, 2018
... (sigh, even with the edit window) if we truly do live in a dark forest we are toast. (Dark forest being the name of the novel and description of an interstellar survival of the fittest universe.)
posted by From Bklyn at 2:16 AM on November 1, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by From Bklyn at 2:16 AM on November 1, 2018 [2 favorites]
I'd take alien invasion over Brexit any day
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:04 AM on November 1, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 3:04 AM on November 1, 2018 [6 favorites]
The anti-aliens would divide into pro-action and passive-resistance wings.
Don't forget the "we shouldn't resist, if we're polite and engage in reasoned debate we can change their minds" faction.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:21 AM on November 1, 2018 [25 favorites]
Don't forget the "we shouldn't resist, if we're polite and engage in reasoned debate we can change their minds" faction.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:21 AM on November 1, 2018 [25 favorites]
EndsOfInvention: "The anti-aliens would divide into pro-action and passive-resistance wings.
Don't forget the "we shouldn't resist, if we're polite and engage in reasoned debate we can change their minds" faction."
Not to mention all those who say all that "we are coming to take over your world and eat you" is just electioneering and after the actual arrival the aliens will surely straighten up and act presidential.
posted by chavenet at 3:56 AM on November 1, 2018 [31 favorites]
Don't forget the "we shouldn't resist, if we're polite and engage in reasoned debate we can change their minds" faction."
Not to mention all those who say all that "we are coming to take over your world and eat you" is just electioneering and after the actual arrival the aliens will surely straighten up and act presidential.
posted by chavenet at 3:56 AM on November 1, 2018 [31 favorites]
> what if the first evidence we had of a alien life was the equivalent of a shredded tire whipping off a big rig and landing in some remote spot off the road?
“A picnic. Picture a forest, a country road, a meadow. Cars drive off the country road into the meadow, a group of young people get out carrying bottles, baskets of food, transistor radios, and cameras. They light fires, pitch tents, turn on the music. In the morning they leave. The animals, birds, and insects that watched in horror through the long night creep out from their hiding places. And what do they see? Old spark plugs and old filters strewn around... Rags, burnt-out bulbs, and a monkey wrench left behind... And of course, the usual mess—apple cores, candy wrappers, charred remains of the campfire, cans, bottles, somebody’s handkerchief, somebody’s penknife, torn newspapers, coins, faded flowers picked in another meadow.”
posted by glonous keming at 4:01 AM on November 1, 2018 [20 favorites]
“A picnic. Picture a forest, a country road, a meadow. Cars drive off the country road into the meadow, a group of young people get out carrying bottles, baskets of food, transistor radios, and cameras. They light fires, pitch tents, turn on the music. In the morning they leave. The animals, birds, and insects that watched in horror through the long night creep out from their hiding places. And what do they see? Old spark plugs and old filters strewn around... Rags, burnt-out bulbs, and a monkey wrench left behind... And of course, the usual mess—apple cores, candy wrappers, charred remains of the campfire, cans, bottles, somebody’s handkerchief, somebody’s penknife, torn newspapers, coins, faded flowers picked in another meadow.”
posted by glonous keming at 4:01 AM on November 1, 2018 [20 favorites]
Both sides need to stop eating things and just listen to each other.
posted by PlusDistance at 4:01 AM on November 1, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by PlusDistance at 4:01 AM on November 1, 2018 [5 favorites]
You may not agree with the aliens, you may not like the aliens, but they still should be able to go out and eat a meal without being harassed.
posted by PlusDistance at 4:09 AM on November 1, 2018 [14 favorites]
posted by PlusDistance at 4:09 AM on November 1, 2018 [14 favorites]
Look, I'm just gonna say it. I think that y'all are dramatically underestimating the alienfucker lobby.
posted by mishafletch at 4:11 AM on November 1, 2018 [33 favorites]
posted by mishafletch at 4:11 AM on November 1, 2018 [33 favorites]
Meh. I feel like the surest proof that any extraterrestrials who might exist are utterly unaware of us is the fact that we still exist.
Also, any conspiracy theory that depends on Trump having "special insider knowledge" (of anything other than his own graft) is one I have difficulty subscribing to.
posted by CheesesOfBrazil at 4:25 AM on November 1, 2018 [11 favorites]
Also, any conspiracy theory that depends on Trump having "special insider knowledge" (of anything other than his own graft) is one I have difficulty subscribing to.
posted by CheesesOfBrazil at 4:25 AM on November 1, 2018 [11 favorites]
#TeamBeingEaten
posted by briank at 5:29 AM on November 1, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by briank at 5:29 AM on November 1, 2018 [3 favorites]
Trump, Bolsonaro, Orban, Modi Salvini, Modi, Abe, virulent neoliberalism ruling the globe, in the process making unliveable for our own species while decimating or eliminating others... Are you sure that an alien invasion would be worse?
posted by talos at 6:00 AM on November 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by talos at 6:00 AM on November 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
Let's not forget the Navy pilot's UFO story in the New York Times last December and their other story with the bit about "buildings in Las Vegas for the storage of metal alloys and other materials that ... had been recovered from unidentified aerial phenomena." (previously)
posted by msbrauer at 6:02 AM on November 1, 2018 [6 favorites]
posted by msbrauer at 6:02 AM on November 1, 2018 [6 favorites]
Humanity would fragment into the pro-alien and anti-alien factions overnight.
WRONG, the factions are "enthusiastic monsterfucker" and "lunch"
posted by poffin boffin at 6:07 AM on November 1, 2018 [9 favorites]
WRONG, the factions are "enthusiastic monsterfucker" and "lunch"
posted by poffin boffin at 6:07 AM on November 1, 2018 [9 favorites]
The Oumuamuas do everything in threes.
posted by bondcliff at 6:19 AM on November 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by bondcliff at 6:19 AM on November 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
"We're gonna need a bigger wall."
posted by The Bellman at 6:21 AM on November 1, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by The Bellman at 6:21 AM on November 1, 2018 [5 favorites]
I’ve always thought Calvin had it right.
posted by chavenet at 7:10 AM on November 1, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by chavenet at 7:10 AM on November 1, 2018 [2 favorites]
An alien attack on Earth is about the only event I can imagine that could unite all of humanity.
You would think so but ..if it actually happened many people probably wouldn't even believe it was real due to the bizarre information age we live in. The scientific materialists would blindly deny it was happening because they'd been convinced it can't, and the conspiracy freaks would insist it was a government hoax using holograms or something.
posted by Liquidwolf at 7:14 AM on November 1, 2018 [2 favorites]
You would think so but ..if it actually happened many people probably wouldn't even believe it was real due to the bizarre information age we live in. The scientific materialists would blindly deny it was happening because they'd been convinced it can't, and the conspiracy freaks would insist it was a government hoax using holograms or something.
posted by Liquidwolf at 7:14 AM on November 1, 2018 [2 favorites]
ITS A COOKBOOK
it's a smegging garbage pod
posted by nogoodverybad at 7:24 AM on November 1, 2018 [8 favorites]
it's a smegging garbage pod
posted by nogoodverybad at 7:24 AM on November 1, 2018 [8 favorites]
I, for oneWait a minute. What if the theory that it's a roamin' spacecraft is closer to the truth than we can imagine...
posted by roystgnr at 7:44 AM on November 1, 2018 [3 favorites]
I dunno. There's no way to really test this theory, but I think we are so often bombarded with things that until very recently would have been science fiction, or otherwise impossible, that on being presented with reasonable evidence and—most importantly—being assured that it was not simply a joke at their expense, I don't think many people would actually balk, mentally, at the idea of aliens.
We've been primed for the idea (as this thread demonstrates), so it's not exactly an outside-context problem; it's analogous to situations that humans have traditionally dealt with (mysterious visitors from an unknown locale); it seems like the responses would be pretty predictable.
You'd get a certain number of people who have a sort of xenophilic let's-go-meet-them-be-friends response, a certain number of people with a xenophobic clear-the-decks-prepare-for-battle response, and then a greater number of people who would sort of stand idly around in the middle, trying to decide which response is correct until something happens. And you would see the usual painstaking collective-decisionmaking process that happens whenever a large group of people have to decide between fighting and talking.
What would actually be psychologically distressing, and perhaps likely, is that we obtain some strong sign that aliens (of some sort) exist, but no actual contact, or sign of interest. That would start an argument, I think, between people who want to expend effort going out and looking for whoever is out there, and those who think doing so would be either risky or unproductive.
Anyway, while it's all fun to think about, the odd behavior of bodies observed in LEO is certainly much more likely, given history and available information, to be terrestrial, and in particular military, in origin. It is reasonable to believe that there may be an entire clandestine space race going on in near-earth orbit, between superpowers and would-be superpowers, perhaps analogous to the undersea capabilities race that occurred between the US and USSR during the Cold War. What exactly is going on up there will have to wait until things get declassified a few decades hence.
posted by Kadin2048 at 7:55 AM on November 1, 2018 [6 favorites]
We've been primed for the idea (as this thread demonstrates), so it's not exactly an outside-context problem; it's analogous to situations that humans have traditionally dealt with (mysterious visitors from an unknown locale); it seems like the responses would be pretty predictable.
You'd get a certain number of people who have a sort of xenophilic let's-go-meet-them-be-friends response, a certain number of people with a xenophobic clear-the-decks-prepare-for-battle response, and then a greater number of people who would sort of stand idly around in the middle, trying to decide which response is correct until something happens. And you would see the usual painstaking collective-decisionmaking process that happens whenever a large group of people have to decide between fighting and talking.
What would actually be psychologically distressing, and perhaps likely, is that we obtain some strong sign that aliens (of some sort) exist, but no actual contact, or sign of interest. That would start an argument, I think, between people who want to expend effort going out and looking for whoever is out there, and those who think doing so would be either risky or unproductive.
Anyway, while it's all fun to think about, the odd behavior of bodies observed in LEO is certainly much more likely, given history and available information, to be terrestrial, and in particular military, in origin. It is reasonable to believe that there may be an entire clandestine space race going on in near-earth orbit, between superpowers and would-be superpowers, perhaps analogous to the undersea capabilities race that occurred between the US and USSR during the Cold War. What exactly is going on up there will have to wait until things get declassified a few decades hence.
posted by Kadin2048 at 7:55 AM on November 1, 2018 [6 favorites]
But I've seen a few things I don't have a good explanation for, and I don't think I'm alone in that.
So have I, and I only have to look at the evening news! *rimshot*
More seriously - my theory for a long time has been that Earth just happens to be in the extreme backcountry of the equivalent of a galactic national park, so I suspect if we're seeing anything it might be some folks on a deep wilderness experience.
posted by nubs at 7:56 AM on November 1, 2018 [5 favorites]
So have I, and I only have to look at the evening news! *rimshot*
More seriously - my theory for a long time has been that Earth just happens to be in the extreme backcountry of the equivalent of a galactic national park, so I suspect if we're seeing anything it might be some folks on a deep wilderness experience.
posted by nubs at 7:56 AM on November 1, 2018 [5 favorites]
my theory for a long time has been that Earth just happens to be in the extreme backcountry of the equivalent of a galactic national park, so I suspect if we're seeing anything it might be some folks on a deep wilderness experience.
listen this ties in so well to Predator canon that i'm extremely excited about it
posted by poffin boffin at 8:21 AM on November 1, 2018 [6 favorites]
listen this ties in so well to Predator canon that i'm extremely excited about it
posted by poffin boffin at 8:21 AM on November 1, 2018 [6 favorites]
Anyways has anyone asked Dr. Hans Zarkov - formerly of NASA - what he thinks?
posted by nubs at 8:28 AM on November 1, 2018 [9 favorites]
posted by nubs at 8:28 AM on November 1, 2018 [9 favorites]
Don't forget the "we shouldn't resist, if we're polite and engage in reasoned debate we can change their minds" faction.
Ladies and gentlemen, our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want. . .
posted by Kitty Stardust at 8:29 AM on November 1, 2018 [4 favorites]
Ladies and gentlemen, our course is clear. The time has come to knuckle under. To get down on all fours and really lick boot. Give our alien masters whatever they want. . .
posted by Kitty Stardust at 8:29 AM on November 1, 2018 [4 favorites]
is that we obtain some strong sign that aliens (of some sort) exist, but no actual contact, or sign of interest. That would start an argument, I think, between people who want to expend effort going out and looking for whoever is out there, and those who think doing so would be either risky or unproductive.
Oh that would drive us NUTS, we would definitely ramp up all our space programs so we could go bother some indifferent aliens and make them pay attention to us. Invasion nothing, being determined to be noisy and get attention would unite us as species like nothing else.
Anyway, I assume we haven't been eaten because even given a carnivorous species that doesn't have ethical qualms about eating sentient life, we just aren't that tasty. We're full of pollutants and preservatives! It's be like killing and cooking a subway rat.
posted by emjaybee at 8:44 AM on November 1, 2018 [8 favorites]
Oh that would drive us NUTS, we would definitely ramp up all our space programs so we could go bother some indifferent aliens and make them pay attention to us. Invasion nothing, being determined to be noisy and get attention would unite us as species like nothing else.
Anyway, I assume we haven't been eaten because even given a carnivorous species that doesn't have ethical qualms about eating sentient life, we just aren't that tasty. We're full of pollutants and preservatives! It's be like killing and cooking a subway rat.
posted by emjaybee at 8:44 AM on November 1, 2018 [8 favorites]
Just waiting for the TV announcement that the aliens have MASSIVE WEAPONS OF DESTRUCTION that can be brought to bear in just 45 SECONDS and we need a U.N. Security Council resolution Right Now authorizing use of nuclear weapons against them.
More seriously though, I can imagine it's possible that the effect of an actual alien encounter on Earth history would be rather like the effect of the Black Ships on Japanese history.
posted by heatherlogan at 9:04 AM on November 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
More seriously though, I can imagine it's possible that the effect of an actual alien encounter on Earth history would be rather like the effect of the Black Ships on Japanese history.
posted by heatherlogan at 9:04 AM on November 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
We're full of pollutants and preservatives! It's be like killing and cooking a subway rat.
"Ugh, that planet is so full of nitrogen, I don't care how juicy their brains are I bet you can taste the nitrogen anyway."
posted by AzraelBrown at 9:05 AM on November 1, 2018 [6 favorites]
"Ugh, that planet is so full of nitrogen, I don't care how juicy their brains are I bet you can taste the nitrogen anyway."
posted by AzraelBrown at 9:05 AM on November 1, 2018 [6 favorites]
I don't know of any known Earth orbital tech with enough Delta V to make a nearly but not instantaneous right angle turn at what is obviously LEO orbital velocities, and I've seen like three of those in the last year.
How can you distinguish between a mystery satellite moving at 17k mph 100 miles up and a mystery aircraft moving at Mach 3.7 at 85k feet? That's in the ballpark of the performance envelope of an SR-71. Given the illumination conditions it takes to make a LEO satellite visible, seeing on make a right-angle turn without a really obvious plume of rocket exhaust would imply some kind of freaky-deaky reactionless overtechnology. An aircraft with navigation lights turned off puts much less of a strain on Occam's razor.
posted by The Tensor at 9:29 AM on November 1, 2018 [3 favorites]
How can you distinguish between a mystery satellite moving at 17k mph 100 miles up and a mystery aircraft moving at Mach 3.7 at 85k feet? That's in the ballpark of the performance envelope of an SR-71. Given the illumination conditions it takes to make a LEO satellite visible, seeing on make a right-angle turn without a really obvious plume of rocket exhaust would imply some kind of freaky-deaky reactionless overtechnology. An aircraft with navigation lights turned off puts much less of a strain on Occam's razor.
posted by The Tensor at 9:29 AM on November 1, 2018 [3 favorites]
Let's not forget the Navy pilot's UFO story in the New York Times last December and their other story with the bit about "buildings in Las Vegas for the storage of metal alloys and other materials that ... had been recovered from unidentified aerial phenomena."
As a lot of people will remember, in the 80s and the early 90s there were tons of conspiracy theories about Roswell, Area 51, Groom Lake and supposedly captured alien technology.
There was a great SPIN magazine article from around 1993 or 94 that described how the US military actively engaged in misinformation campaigns to feed conspiracy theorists and activists about supposed experiments with captured alien tech.
The purpose was to discredit anyone who uncovered credible information about actual, costly Pentagon black programs. It's a strategy that seems to have worked back then.
posted by JamesBay at 9:32 AM on November 1, 2018 [4 favorites]
As a lot of people will remember, in the 80s and the early 90s there were tons of conspiracy theories about Roswell, Area 51, Groom Lake and supposedly captured alien technology.
There was a great SPIN magazine article from around 1993 or 94 that described how the US military actively engaged in misinformation campaigns to feed conspiracy theorists and activists about supposed experiments with captured alien tech.
The purpose was to discredit anyone who uncovered credible information about actual, costly Pentagon black programs. It's a strategy that seems to have worked back then.
posted by JamesBay at 9:32 AM on November 1, 2018 [4 favorites]
An alien attack on Earth is about the only event I can imagine that could unite all of humanity.
This was the rationale for killing millions of people in Alan Moore’s The Watchmen.
posted by njohnson23 at 9:37 AM on November 1, 2018 [3 favorites]
This was the rationale for killing millions of people in Alan Moore’s The Watchmen.
posted by njohnson23 at 9:37 AM on November 1, 2018 [3 favorites]
Here's the SPIN magazine article I mentioned.
posted by JamesBay at 9:48 AM on November 1, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by JamesBay at 9:48 AM on November 1, 2018 [3 favorites]
There was a great SPIN magazine article from around 1993 or 94 that described how the US military actively engaged in misinformation campaigns to feed conspiracy theorists and activists about supposed experiments with captured alien tech.
The book Mirage Men documents this really well. In the 50s-80s the US agencies fed disinfo to UFO groups to keep people watching the skies for Russian spy crafts. BUT at the same time there were, and still is, genuine mysterious objects in the skies which have no known human origin, and the US has exploited this to allow test flights for US black project aircrafts ( and claim they weren't ours) and have people watch the skies for Russians.
And about that NYT UFO article from year ago or whatever, regarding the "tic tac" UFO: That footage that was released with it isn't the correct footage. The actual footage is apparently strange and unexplained and not made public.
posted by Liquidwolf at 11:03 AM on November 1, 2018 [1 favorite]
So, basically, the panjandrums have shut down the starhenges, because they might see an object of interstellar origin (that is NOT the Big Nugget) and we're pissed because such an observation is not a saecular event and as such should not be prohibited by the discipline? Convox time!
posted by dirtdirt at 11:10 AM on November 1, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by dirtdirt at 11:10 AM on November 1, 2018 [5 favorites]
Both sides need to stop eating things and just listen to each other.
posted by PlusDistance
What if the aliens communicate by eating parts of each other? What if they then quickly regenerate? What if they don't know that we don't work that way?
posted by Splunge at 11:11 AM on November 1, 2018 [7 favorites]
posted by PlusDistance
What if the aliens communicate by eating parts of each other? What if they then quickly regenerate? What if they don't know that we don't work that way?
posted by Splunge at 11:11 AM on November 1, 2018 [7 favorites]
What if -- and bear with me for a second here -- US politics doesn't extend beyond the solar system?
posted by JamesBay at 11:42 AM on November 1, 2018 [8 favorites]
posted by JamesBay at 11:42 AM on November 1, 2018 [8 favorites]
i cant wait for the james webb telescope to be launched and come online. that thing will be able to actually see terrestrial extrasolar planets in the visual spectrum! imagine if it was online now and we pointed it at oumouamua! we could count the beard hairs on each space viking.
posted by wibari at 12:05 PM on November 1, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by wibari at 12:05 PM on November 1, 2018 [2 favorites]
Now this:
NASA’s Dawn spacecraft has gone silent, ending a historic mission that studied time capsules from the solar system’s earliest chapter.
posted by Freen at 12:08 PM on November 1, 2018 [3 favorites]
NASA’s Dawn spacecraft has gone silent, ending a historic mission that studied time capsules from the solar system’s earliest chapter.
posted by Freen at 12:08 PM on November 1, 2018 [3 favorites]
This is a perfect example of pareidolia in action- there's honestly less evidence for alien activity than there is for Jesus based in images in toast.
I mean it's interesting to see how sites such as Centaurii Dreams are dealing with the decline of crewed source exploration with an outburst of "proof of extraterrestrial intelligence!? " activity. It's practically a millenarianism outburst, and if it wavy for the fact that the term is out of favor, I might compare it to cargo cults.
I mean in the comments, the one person with the touching faith that Trump, as a "businessman" would fund a probe mission to Oumuamua, is up there with any entreaty to a medieval ruler to fund an expedition to find Prestor John.
Is going to be interesting to see how the transition of SETI from speculation to religion progresses.
posted by happyroach at 12:57 PM on November 1, 2018 [8 favorites]
I mean it's interesting to see how sites such as Centaurii Dreams are dealing with the decline of crewed source exploration with an outburst of "proof of extraterrestrial intelligence!? " activity. It's practically a millenarianism outburst, and if it wavy for the fact that the term is out of favor, I might compare it to cargo cults.
I mean in the comments, the one person with the touching faith that Trump, as a "businessman" would fund a probe mission to Oumuamua, is up there with any entreaty to a medieval ruler to fund an expedition to find Prestor John.
Is going to be interesting to see how the transition of SETI from speculation to religion progresses.
posted by happyroach at 12:57 PM on November 1, 2018 [8 favorites]
I'm gonna tell you right now, and you can go ahead and tell your alien pals, what side I'm on.
God help us. The only thing I can imagine is the protagonist from Gary Jennings (problematic) novel Aztec. Chicóme-Xochitl Tliléctic Mixtli rises through the ranks of the empire until he has the ear of the eighth tlatoani, Motecuhzoma Xocoyotzin.
Enter the great ships of Hernán Cortés. Everyone believes they are visiting gods.
The courts are filled with superstition, at this point, but finally they have a debate in the highest echelon of the government - addressing the fundamental question - "What the fuck should we actually do?"
Mixtli's response is so simple, so brilliant, so clear and perfect and correct.
"We should set fire to their boats."
IN the name of God Almighty and planet Earth I swear I will fly a fighter jet plane right into the flaming engines of whatever starship dares penetrate the precious atmosphere of this planet.
And if the aliens really want to be our friends they can just hang out on Earth and build a new boat, dammit, because if they thought they could just, you know, dine and dash or whatever, they've got another think coming.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 1:51 PM on November 1, 2018 [7 favorites]
God help us. The only thing I can imagine is the protagonist from Gary Jennings (problematic) novel Aztec. Chicóme-Xochitl Tliléctic Mixtli rises through the ranks of the empire until he has the ear of the eighth tlatoani, Motecuhzoma Xocoyotzin.
Enter the great ships of Hernán Cortés. Everyone believes they are visiting gods.
The courts are filled with superstition, at this point, but finally they have a debate in the highest echelon of the government - addressing the fundamental question - "What the fuck should we actually do?"
Mixtli's response is so simple, so brilliant, so clear and perfect and correct.
"We should set fire to their boats."
IN the name of God Almighty and planet Earth I swear I will fly a fighter jet plane right into the flaming engines of whatever starship dares penetrate the precious atmosphere of this planet.
And if the aliens really want to be our friends they can just hang out on Earth and build a new boat, dammit, because if they thought they could just, you know, dine and dash or whatever, they've got another think coming.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 1:51 PM on November 1, 2018 [7 favorites]
I'm highly skeptical that it's more than:
1. Delays in getting the next generation of space missions up, combined with...
2. Hardware that had gone through multiple extended missions well past original design parameters failing, and...
3. Opportunity hit by the Martian storm of the decade.
Meanwhile, Parker is now the closest man-made object to the sun in history, Gaia released a data dump of over 1.7 billion stars and is expected to do more, Mars Express is still humming, and SDO still giving me my daily zen. And didn't Japan have an astroid landing earlier this summer?
posted by GenderNullPointerException at 2:31 PM on November 1, 2018 [3 favorites]
1. Delays in getting the next generation of space missions up, combined with...
2. Hardware that had gone through multiple extended missions well past original design parameters failing, and...
3. Opportunity hit by the Martian storm of the decade.
Meanwhile, Parker is now the closest man-made object to the sun in history, Gaia released a data dump of over 1.7 billion stars and is expected to do more, Mars Express is still humming, and SDO still giving me my daily zen. And didn't Japan have an astroid landing earlier this summer?
posted by GenderNullPointerException at 2:31 PM on November 1, 2018 [3 favorites]
For the sceptics in this thread...
I think Andrew Potter, who created the Twitter thread, was being tongue-in-cheek and slightly mischievious on Halloween night.
There are plenty of simple explanations for all of this stuff, including the "UFO" seen by the American fighter pilots.
For example, Oumouamua's sudden increase in speed is pretty common with comets. Except that Oumouamua is not a comet. However, we don't know exactly what it is, so perhaps there was some outgassing.
It's kind of like all of like Boots Void. Seemingly inexplicable, so there are theories that it's an artefact of an alien civilization. However, the simplest explanation is that Boots Void is the result of a "merger of smaller voids, much like the way in which soap bubbles coalesce to form larger bubbles."
Still, like with Oumouamua, it's fun to imagine more sinister or spectacular explanations.
posted by JamesBay at 3:44 PM on November 1, 2018 [2 favorites]
I think Andrew Potter, who created the Twitter thread, was being tongue-in-cheek and slightly mischievious on Halloween night.
There are plenty of simple explanations for all of this stuff, including the "UFO" seen by the American fighter pilots.
For example, Oumouamua's sudden increase in speed is pretty common with comets. Except that Oumouamua is not a comet. However, we don't know exactly what it is, so perhaps there was some outgassing.
It's kind of like all of like Boots Void. Seemingly inexplicable, so there are theories that it's an artefact of an alien civilization. However, the simplest explanation is that Boots Void is the result of a "merger of smaller voids, much like the way in which soap bubbles coalesce to form larger bubbles."
Still, like with Oumouamua, it's fun to imagine more sinister or spectacular explanations.
posted by JamesBay at 3:44 PM on November 1, 2018 [2 favorites]
Other flaws: Hubble has had a limited field of view for years due to previous gyroscope failures. Chandra was in the same boat. Chandra is an X-ray observatory and probably not all that useful for SETI unless ET is using an Orion drive or something else that spits out obscene quantities of X-rays. It has two ESA sister missions, and we also have an FGB detector if ET is using something as dirty as Orion. Hubble and Chandra are well past their warranty, and both were online again in less than a week. Kepler had a fixed field of vision and a pretty limited technique for identifying exosolar planets. It was expected to die this year anyway. Dawn's death was planned in 2016, and it was placed in a parking orbit in June 2017, with loss of contact expected this year. NASA has been worried about Opportunity since the start of the Martian Dust Monsoon in May, with a high likelihood that it won't wake up since August given the scale of the storm. Michael Bay aside, none seem particularly critical for "space defense."
If you're going to pick a high-value target for crippling our non-existent space defense, it would be Gaia, which will give us a detailed map of the galaxy, complete with analysis of how the stars are moving. It probably has the best chance to detect an inexplicable incoming object. (I think it also succeeds Kepler as the most awesome mission running.) Maybe you'd hit the 24/7 sun-watchers if you're depending on getting close to the sun. Detection of stuff inside the solar system is mostly ground-based, computerized, and collaborative. The current and next generation of ground-based telescopes include the Very Large Telescope, the Big Telescope of the Canaries (translated), the Southern African Large Telescope, The Giant Magellan Telescope, The Large Binocular Telescope, the European Extremely Large Telescope, and Jeremy who isn't that large but is very, very, very dedicated to his hobby.
(I think it was tongue-in-cheek, although you never can tell with conspiracy theories these days, and it's fun to discuss the cool eyes we have flying around the solar system right now.)
posted by GenderNullPointerException at 4:04 PM on November 1, 2018 [4 favorites]
If you're going to pick a high-value target for crippling our non-existent space defense, it would be Gaia, which will give us a detailed map of the galaxy, complete with analysis of how the stars are moving. It probably has the best chance to detect an inexplicable incoming object. (I think it also succeeds Kepler as the most awesome mission running.) Maybe you'd hit the 24/7 sun-watchers if you're depending on getting close to the sun. Detection of stuff inside the solar system is mostly ground-based, computerized, and collaborative. The current and next generation of ground-based telescopes include the Very Large Telescope, the Big Telescope of the Canaries (translated), the Southern African Large Telescope, The Giant Magellan Telescope, The Large Binocular Telescope, the European Extremely Large Telescope, and Jeremy who isn't that large but is very, very, very dedicated to his hobby.
(I think it was tongue-in-cheek, although you never can tell with conspiracy theories these days, and it's fun to discuss the cool eyes we have flying around the solar system right now.)
posted by GenderNullPointerException at 4:04 PM on November 1, 2018 [4 favorites]
Its pretty clear to me that Lemmy was the one, holding all of modern "civilization" together. And with him now gone, then this.
posted by Fupped Duck at 9:43 PM on November 1, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by Fupped Duck at 9:43 PM on November 1, 2018 [2 favorites]
I think Andrew Potter, who created the Twitter thread, was being tongue-in-cheek and slightly mischievious on Halloween night.
Those who enjoy conspiracy theories of the plausible but tongue-in-cheek sort may enjoy (Metafilter's Own) cstross' contribution to the genre, "A Tall Tail". It was discussed here back in 2012. Still one of the better ones, IMO.
posted by Kadin2048 at 10:23 PM on November 1, 2018 [5 favorites]
Those who enjoy conspiracy theories of the plausible but tongue-in-cheek sort may enjoy (Metafilter's Own) cstross' contribution to the genre, "A Tall Tail". It was discussed here back in 2012. Still one of the better ones, IMO.
posted by Kadin2048 at 10:23 PM on November 1, 2018 [5 favorites]
I just assume that Blindsight is the reality. But due to global warming we will never get that far. Prove me wrong.
posted by Splunge at 12:03 PM on November 2, 2018
posted by Splunge at 12:03 PM on November 2, 2018
« Older A spectre is haunting the streets .... | Actually evil, not high school evil Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by Homo neanderthalensis at 9:44 PM on October 31, 2018 [2 favorites]