A Short List of Shenanigans My Parents' Dog Has Engaged In
November 30, 2018 12:30 PM   Subscribe

My parents don’t have AC, but they have one of those “fridge on top, pull-out-freezer below” fridges. Last summer, we were remarking that we might need to shave [the dog] so she didn’t get heatstroke, to which she looked up and made a disgusted noise at us.…Then got up, used the dishrag to pull open the freezer and climbed on top of the frozen vegetables, stretching out and sighing contentedly. “Arwen,” Mom began, but was interrupted by a loud ‘WHAAAaaaaarrr?” from Arwen. “Ok you can stay there for now but we’re getting you a kiddie pool so you have to get out when we get back. Don’t eat anything.” She ate a bag of frozen green beans and farted for three days straight. Blogger gallusrostromegalus regales us with tales of Arwen the gloriously naughty (off-duty) service dog.

It turns out that her naughty streak only emerges when she's off-duty; Arwen is actually a fully trained autism-spectrum service animal who is a consummate professional when working as a therapy dog in schools, hospitals, juvenile detention centres and courtrooms. She was adopted from a shelter and trained by inmates through the Disco's Dogs program.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl (18 comments total) 54 users marked this as a favorite
The porcupine one made me do a lol, on my own, in an empty room. I'd love to meet this dog (and possibly be involved in a non-consensual mutual backflip and then peed on).
posted by chappell, ambrose at 1:16 PM on November 30, 2018

Arwen is a good dog. These are delightful stories and I'm glad she's not my dog but I'd be happy to hang out with this smartie goofball for a day.
posted by darksong at 1:17 PM on November 30, 2018 [6 favorites]

A husky-kelpie mix? That's just asking for trouble.
posted by Johnny Assay at 1:20 PM on November 30, 2018 [9 favorites]

Gallusrostromegalus...definitely has a lot of stories. They're all well-told, and I'm sure they each have at least a seed of truth at the core, but many of them have not held up to closer scrutiny in the past.
posted by northernish at 1:30 PM on November 30, 2018 [5 favorites]

Se non è vero, è ben trovato. Dogs definitely can climb trees when there is nobody around to discover their secret trick.
posted by hat_eater at 1:35 PM on November 30, 2018 [2 favorites]

My uncle had a dog named Arwen (a sweet golden) who was also quite mischievous. Once, the night before a family wedding, he snuck into the kitchen and ate ALL the pies that had been baked for the reception. My grandmother woke up in the morning and immediately blamed my mom and dad for the disappearing pies (hands on hips--"why did you kids eat all those pies I made!?"). After some reflection she realized it probably wasn't my mom and dad after all, since the culprit had left the bottom crust. Arwen was found lying outside, with a tummy ache. Sneaky dog! (Must be something in the name...)
posted by k8bot at 2:15 PM on November 30, 2018 [5 favorites]

I love the idea that she works hard and plays hard. She's like a character in a Shonda Rhimes show. When she's on the clock, she's a perfectionist who works herself really hard - and then she blows off steam with bad behavior in her off-time.
posted by lunasol at 2:43 PM on November 30, 2018 [8 favorites]

A husky-kelpie mix?

With a little asshole.

Instead of rightfully tearing his face off, Arwen instead did what Mom described as “A Judo-style front-flip” that pulled Bo clean off the ground and threw him on his back, Arwen landing on her feet like a cat

The first dog I had, Meggy(well, it was the dog my wife came with, so I guess maybe my my step-dog?) was a ninety pound black lab-German shepherd cross. She was a big dog, but very friendly and laid back; she was pretty chill about pretty much everything. Anyways, I was out walking her one time and this younger male dog - about the same size - kept coming up to her and initiating play, except over time the play was becoming more and more pushy, in terms of trying to pin Meg to the ground or get on top of her. And I could see Meg was getting tired of it.

Now, I was a little worried about this because usually when Meg got tired of what another dog was doing she was never really aggressive about it, just had the strength and the weight to let other dogs know to knock it off and leave her alone; or she could just use her incredible indifference and ignore them and their feeble efforts. So I wasn't sure how to handle this, because this other dog looked to have a similar size and weight, and maybe she wasn't going to be able to tell him to knock it off as easily.

So, at this point the play had moved onto the two of them rearing up on their hind legs, flailing about with their front paws, and meeting chest to chest before bouncing back off and down the ground. While I was wondering if I maybe needed to intervene in some way, because the body language was becoming more and more tense, Meg reared up and I swear she grew about six inches taller somehow; she suddenly loomed over the other dog and when their bodies met, she flipped that dog over and onto his back. She then stood over him for a second before trotting away, giving me a little doggy grin over her shoulder as if to say You think that punk was a problem?

I miss her.
posted by nubs at 2:47 PM on November 30, 2018 [20 favorites]

These made my day. Thanks for posting.
posted by platitudipus at 3:56 PM on November 30, 2018 [3 favorites]

99% sure this pupper is some sort of fey creature
posted by Hermione Granger at 4:50 PM on November 30, 2018 [1 favorite]

That snake anecdote is a riot.
posted by Autumnheart at 8:25 PM on November 30, 2018

Gallusrostromegalus...definitely has a lot of stories. They're all well-told, and I'm sure they each have at least a seed of truth at the core, but many of them have not held up to closer scrutiny in the past.
posted by northernish at 7:00 AM on December

I've followed Gallus for ages and honestly, wholesale truth is beside the point for me. The stories are so delightful and well told that even if they were whole-cloth fabrications, I'd still enjoy them as much.

Their tumblr presence in general is a great time, it's one of my 'world too heavy NEED TIME OUT' destinations.
posted by pseudonymph at 10:14 PM on November 30, 2018 [4 favorites]

This needs to be told about at a storytelling event.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:10 PM on November 30, 2018 [1 favorite]

My dog is a husky-kelpie mix, with a little asshole.

How does he poop?

posted by senor biggles at 11:58 PM on November 30, 2018 [2 favorites]

Even if the stories aren’t true, they’re useful. I got my 3 year old and 6 year old to cooperate at bath time by promising them a dog fart story if they did. They loved the freezer story.
posted by Anne Neville at 7:08 AM on December 1, 2018 [4 favorites]

I recognized the dog name and a mention of certain pieces of this author's life really quick. They have one of the greatest previouslies ever. I am in awe that the humor and the insanity of this author is a gift that just keeps giving.
posted by Nanukthedog at 8:40 AM on December 1, 2018 [4 favorites]

"Shine on you beautiful bitch."
posted by liminal_shadows at 12:17 AM on December 2, 2018 [1 favorite]

Thanks Nanukthedog! The Easter story in the previously is great and as a no longer practicing Catholic it had me wondering if Mexican wedding cookies would have kept me attending mass.
posted by narancia at 1:29 PM on December 4, 2018

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