Code Brown
February 1, 2019 2:11 PM Subscribe
Military tech and spycraft sometimes create disgusting but highly-useful devices. Cases in point: the Turd Transmitter, used to track enemy troop movements in Vietnam; and the CIA's Rectal Tool Kit, an item designed to help agents work their way out of a jam.
Rectal Tool Kit ... to help agents work their way out of a jam.
I suppose even spies get constipated occasionally.
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:38 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
I suppose even spies get constipated occasionally.
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:38 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
a.k.a. We've All Gotta "Go" Sometime
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:43 PM on February 1, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:43 PM on February 1, 2019 [1 favorite]
Coming to a theatre near you:
BEHIND ENEMY LINES
posted by zamboni at 2:49 PM on February 1, 2019 [7 favorites]
BEHIND ENEMY LINES
posted by zamboni at 2:49 PM on February 1, 2019 [7 favorites]
How would they have room for this and the pocketwatch? The video doesn't answer that.
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 2:50 PM on February 1, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 2:50 PM on February 1, 2019 [6 favorites]
After watching the video about the CIA kit, I have some serious questions:
Was there a training model with a flared base?
Also, was there field-issue lube?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 3:01 PM on February 1, 2019 [7 favorites]
Was there a training model with a flared base?
Also, was there field-issue lube?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 3:01 PM on February 1, 2019 [7 favorites]
Also, was there field-issue lube?
This isn't the State Department! Weakling.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 3:04 PM on February 1, 2019 [25 favorites]
This isn't the State Department! Weakling.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 3:04 PM on February 1, 2019 [25 favorites]
I wonder how many high tension spy-on-spy scenarios were diffused as one agent whipped their pants off and started fishing for their emergency-kit...
posted by inland400 at 3:10 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by inland400 at 3:10 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
What is it in the aire with all the scatalogical posts?
posted by sammyo at 3:11 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by sammyo at 3:11 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
sniff....
posted by sammyo at 3:12 PM on February 1, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by sammyo at 3:12 PM on February 1, 2019 [1 favorite]
Also, was there field-issue lube?
LRA - Lube Ready to Apply
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:36 PM on February 1, 2019 [6 favorites]
LRA - Lube Ready to Apply
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:36 PM on February 1, 2019 [6 favorites]
THE INCONTINENT GARDENER
posted by duffell at 3:52 PM on February 1, 2019 [11 favorites]
posted by duffell at 3:52 PM on February 1, 2019 [11 favorites]
QUANTUM OF SOLIDS
posted by duffell at 3:53 PM on February 1, 2019 [11 favorites]
posted by duffell at 3:53 PM on February 1, 2019 [11 favorites]
MISSION: IMPASSIBLE
posted by duffell at 3:53 PM on February 1, 2019 [15 favorites]
posted by duffell at 3:53 PM on February 1, 2019 [15 favorites]
TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER PROCTOLOGIST
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:58 PM on February 1, 2019 [15 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:58 PM on February 1, 2019 [15 favorites]
A fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 4:17 PM on February 1, 2019 [8 favorites]
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 4:17 PM on February 1, 2019 [8 favorites]
That's a quote from Dr. Strangeplug, isn't it?
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:22 PM on February 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:22 PM on February 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN PLUG
posted by leotrotsky at 4:26 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by leotrotsky at 4:26 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
THE COMMODE IS NOT ENOUGH
posted by leotrotsky at 4:27 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by leotrotsky at 4:27 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
ON HER MAJESTY'S SECRET THRONE
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:33 PM on February 1, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:33 PM on February 1, 2019 [5 favorites]
SPHINCTRE
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:34 PM on February 1, 2019 [15 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:34 PM on February 1, 2019 [15 favorites]
STARFISHRAKER
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:35 PM on February 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:35 PM on February 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
Okay somewhat serious question... was one of the rectal tool kits ever used effectively by an agent?
Maybe someone can check the CIA annals?
Incidentally, I believe the rectal kit is mentioned in one of these colbert report videos on being a spy (skip the first 30 seconds if you don't want to see a payday loan ad) part 1 part 2.
posted by gryftir at 4:39 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
Maybe someone can check the CIA annals?
Incidentally, I believe the rectal kit is mentioned in one of these colbert report videos on being a spy (skip the first 30 seconds if you don't want to see a payday loan ad) part 1 part 2.
posted by gryftir at 4:39 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
GOLDFINGER
Um? BROWNFINGER.
Also, that does not look like the 'beginner' kit.
posted by sexyrobot at 4:46 PM on February 1, 2019 [5 favorites]
Um? BROWNFINGER.
Also, that does not look like the 'beginner' kit.
posted by sexyrobot at 4:46 PM on February 1, 2019 [5 favorites]
But did anyone every use it to escape? For all we know this is just the vanity project of some ass-enthusiast spook at the CIA
posted by serif at 4:50 PM on February 1, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by serif at 4:50 PM on February 1, 2019 [6 favorites]
OCTORECTUM
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 4:52 PM on February 1, 2019 [9 favorites]
posted by rum-soaked space hobo at 4:52 PM on February 1, 2019 [9 favorites]
FOR YOUR BROWN EYES ONLY
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:57 PM on February 1, 2019 [12 favorites]
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:57 PM on February 1, 2019 [12 favorites]
Obligatory Kids in the Hall.
For all we know this is just the vanity project of some ass-enthusiast spook at the CIA
Or, to paraphrase Dave Foley (see KITH link above), maybe the director of the CIA is just some sort of twisted ass freak.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:00 PM on February 1, 2019 [7 favorites]
For all we know this is just the vanity project of some ass-enthusiast spook at the CIA
Or, to paraphrase Dave Foley (see KITH link above), maybe the director of the CIA is just some sort of twisted ass freak.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:00 PM on February 1, 2019 [7 favorites]
maybe the director of the CIA is just some sort of twisted noncon ass freak
You mean the guys that are obsessed with tricking, coercing, or torturing people into doing whatever arbitrary thing they’ve been ordered to do might also get off on tricking, coercing, and threatening people into carrying stuff around in their butts for no reason?
Yeah it’s definitely this
posted by schadenfrau at 5:22 PM on February 1, 2019 [8 favorites]
You mean the guys that are obsessed with tricking, coercing, or torturing people into doing whatever arbitrary thing they’ve been ordered to do might also get off on tricking, coercing, and threatening people into carrying stuff around in their butts for no reason?
Yeah it’s definitely this
posted by schadenfrau at 5:22 PM on February 1, 2019 [8 favorites]
CASINO RECTALE
posted by Jon_Evil at 5:27 PM on February 1, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by Jon_Evil at 5:27 PM on February 1, 2019 [7 favorites]
THE SPY WHO PLUGGED ME
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 5:37 PM on February 1, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 5:37 PM on February 1, 2019 [6 favorites]
LIVE AND LET POO
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:39 PM on February 1, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:39 PM on February 1, 2019 [5 favorites]
(I suspect all of these have already been used as titles of p0rno films.)
(And, no, I am not going to google this.)
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 5:40 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
(And, no, I am not going to google this.)
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 5:40 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
FWIW, if I ever market an antidiarrheal, I'm branding it "Dr. No."
posted by duffell at 5:59 PM on February 1, 2019 [10 favorites]
posted by duffell at 5:59 PM on February 1, 2019 [10 favorites]
FROM RUSSIA WITH LUBE
why are we allcapsing these?
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 6:00 PM on February 1, 2019 [10 favorites]
why are we allcapsing these?
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 6:00 PM on February 1, 2019 [10 favorites]
THUNDERBUTT
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 6:03 PM on February 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 6:03 PM on February 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
SMILEY'S TP
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 6:04 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 6:04 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
THE LOOKING-ASS WAR
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 6:05 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 6:05 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
THE BIDET OF THE JACKAL
posted by duffell at 6:08 PM on February 1, 2019 [9 favorites]
posted by duffell at 6:08 PM on February 1, 2019 [9 favorites]
THE TIGHT MANAGER.
posted by clavdivs at 6:10 PM on February 1, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by clavdivs at 6:10 PM on February 1, 2019 [7 favorites]
THE TURD MAN.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:30 PM on February 1, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:30 PM on February 1, 2019 [6 favorites]
THE BOWL ULTIMATUM
posted by migurski at 6:31 PM on February 1, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by migurski at 6:31 PM on February 1, 2019 [6 favorites]
"TOY" STORY
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:39 PM on February 1, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:39 PM on February 1, 2019 [1 favorite]
THE INSERTIBLES
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:40 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:40 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
THE FLUSH
posted by MrVisible at 6:49 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by MrVisible at 6:49 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm not sure I'm doing this right
posted by mrgoat at 7:00 PM on February 1, 2019 [21 favorites]
I'm not sure I'm doing this right
posted by mrgoat at 7:00 PM on February 1, 2019 [21 favorites]
DROPOFF ON SOUTH STREET
posted by Jon_Evil at 7:08 PM on February 1, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Jon_Evil at 7:08 PM on February 1, 2019 [1 favorite]
A POO TO A KILL
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 7:12 PM on February 1, 2019 [10 favorites]
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 7:12 PM on February 1, 2019 [10 favorites]
LIVE AND LET PRY.
posted by clavdivs at 7:37 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by clavdivs at 7:37 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN BUM
LICENSE TO DRILL (spoiler: there's a friggin' drill bit in the kit.)
QUANTUM OF COLACE
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 8:02 PM on February 1, 2019 [9 favorites]
LICENSE TO DRILL (spoiler: there's a friggin' drill bit in the kit.)
QUANTUM OF COLACE
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 8:02 PM on February 1, 2019 [9 favorites]
SMILEY'S POOPLE
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:03 PM on February 1, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:03 PM on February 1, 2019 [7 favorites]
POOP FICTION
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:04 PM on February 1, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:04 PM on February 1, 2019 [1 favorite]
THE CONSTIPATED SCHOOLBOY
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:05 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 8:05 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
THE BUTT STUFF
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:07 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:07 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
ACRAPALYPSE NOW ("The horror...the horror!")
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:11 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:11 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
GREASE
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:16 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:16 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
002.
posted by gatorae at 8:17 PM on February 1, 2019 [10 favorites]
posted by gatorae at 8:17 PM on February 1, 2019 [10 favorites]
Men in Back
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 8:18 PM on February 1, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 8:18 PM on February 1, 2019 [5 favorites]
LOG ACTUALLY
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:20 PM on February 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:20 PM on February 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
THE SPY WHO LUBED ME
posted by rodeoclown at 8:20 PM on February 1, 2019 [7 favorites]
posted by rodeoclown at 8:20 PM on February 1, 2019 [7 favorites]
FORREST DUMP
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:27 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:27 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
MARY PLUGGINS
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:27 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:27 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
GOATSEBUSTERS
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:28 PM on February 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:28 PM on February 1, 2019 [4 favorites]
BACK TO THE FIXTURE
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:32 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:32 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
LIGHT A MATCH AFTER READING
posted by MrVisible at 8:54 PM on February 1, 2019 [10 favorites]
posted by MrVisible at 8:54 PM on February 1, 2019 [10 favorites]
TINKER, TAILOR, SOLDIER, SPLOOSH
posted by MrVisible at 8:56 PM on February 1, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by MrVisible at 8:56 PM on February 1, 2019 [5 favorites]
TOP BUNG
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:56 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:56 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
THREE DAYS OF THE CORNDOOR
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:57 PM on February 1, 2019 [9 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:57 PM on February 1, 2019 [9 favorites]
RAIDERS OF THE LOST CORK
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:57 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:57 PM on February 1, 2019 [2 favorites]
A SMALL BROWN IN GERMANY
posted by clavdivs at 9:04 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by clavdivs at 9:04 PM on February 1, 2019 [3 favorites]
THE PINK PANTLOAD
posted by maxwelton at 1:32 AM on February 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by maxwelton at 1:32 AM on February 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
POOPFINGER
MISSION: IMPOOSSIBLE
SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG
DR. OH NO
SPHINCTRE
POOPFALL
THE SPY IN BACK
GET SHART
And last:
THE SPY WHO DUMPED ME
posted by loquacious at 2:12 AM on February 2, 2019 [5 favorites]
MISSION: IMPOOSSIBLE
SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG
DR. OH NO
SPHINCTRE
POOPFALL
THE SPY IN BACK
GET SHART
And last:
THE SPY WHO DUMPED ME
posted by loquacious at 2:12 AM on February 2, 2019 [5 favorites]
THE BROWN IDENTITY
But the real pros just take existing spy titles and "Saul Bass" the poop emoji as improved poster imagery.
Just re-imagine the following:
TAKEN
But, the true classic, for additional poop reasons is:
TAKEN II
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:48 AM on February 2, 2019 [5 favorites]
But the real pros just take existing spy titles and "Saul Bass" the poop emoji as improved poster imagery.
Just re-imagine the following:
TAKEN
But, the true classic, for additional poop reasons is:
TAKEN II
posted by Nanukthedog at 5:48 AM on February 2, 2019 [5 favorites]
DIRTY HAIRY
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:29 AM on February 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:29 AM on February 2, 2019 [3 favorites]
BRIDGET JONES' DIARRHEA
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:32 AM on February 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:32 AM on February 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
OCEAN'S TWO
THE BUMMY
THE BUMMY RETURNS
INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF BOOM
INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST POOSADE
HARRY POOTER AND THE PHILOSPHER'S STONE
HARRY POOTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS
HARRY POOTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABUM
HARRY POOTER AND THE BUTTLET OF FIRE
HARRY POOTER AND THE ORDER OF THE FARTNIX
HARRY POOTER AND THE HALFBLOOD POOP
HARRY POOTER AND THE DEATHLY SALVO
X-MEN: FIRST ASS(HOLE)
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 11:37 AM on February 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
THE BUMMY
THE BUMMY RETURNS
INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF BOOM
INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST POOSADE
HARRY POOTER AND THE PHILOSPHER'S STONE
HARRY POOTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS
HARRY POOTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABUM
HARRY POOTER AND THE BUTTLET OF FIRE
HARRY POOTER AND THE ORDER OF THE FARTNIX
HARRY POOTER AND THE HALFBLOOD POOP
HARRY POOTER AND THE DEATHLY SALVO
X-MEN: FIRST ASS(HOLE)
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 11:37 AM on February 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
ZERO DARK TURDY
posted by Pendragon at 12:07 PM on February 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by Pendragon at 12:07 PM on February 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
Greg_Ace, you have a lot of time on your hands, don't you?
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 1:21 PM on February 2, 2019
posted by Johnny Wallflower at 1:21 PM on February 2, 2019
THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR POOP
KIM POOPABLE
THE SHITLIST
TIGHTPOOP!
24 HOURS TO POOP
THE SECOND PROTOCOL
SHIT HOUSE
A MOST WANTED POOP
THE DEADLY POOP
THE PRESIDENT'S PROCTOLOGIST
THE MAN WHO POOPED TOO MUCH
REILLY, ACE OF POOPS
IT TAKES A POOP
riffing from wiki
posted by loquacious at 2:13 PM on February 2, 2019
KIM POOPABLE
THE SHITLIST
TIGHTPOOP!
24 HOURS TO POOP
THE SECOND PROTOCOL
SHIT HOUSE
A MOST WANTED POOP
THE DEADLY POOP
THE PRESIDENT'S PROCTOLOGIST
THE MAN WHO POOPED TOO MUCH
REILLY, ACE OF POOPS
IT TAKES A POOP
riffing from wiki
posted by loquacious at 2:13 PM on February 2, 2019
The lack of a flared base worries me tbh
posted by augustimagination at 2:30 PM on February 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by augustimagination at 2:30 PM on February 2, 2019 [2 favorites]
THE THOMAS CROHN'S AFFAIR
posted by MrVisible at 3:34 PM on February 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by MrVisible at 3:34 PM on February 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
Johnny Wallflower, well done. So much good shit to pick through. Some of them are a little nutty.
Just a Little Poop Attack and A Stranger's Poop are both excellent, but my favorite so far is Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman: The Poop Within.
posted by duffell at 6:28 PM on February 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
Just a Little Poop Attack and A Stranger's Poop are both excellent, but my favorite so far is Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman: The Poop Within.
posted by duffell at 6:28 PM on February 2, 2019 [1 favorite]
Greg_Ace, you have a lot of time on your hands, don't you?
Not especially; I just have my own set of priorities. You could say I march to the beat of a different dumper.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:55 PM on February 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
Not especially; I just have my own set of priorities. You could say I march to the beat of a different dumper.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:55 PM on February 2, 2019 [4 favorites]
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"I've got a cunning plan."
posted by rifflesby at 2:29 PM on February 1, 2019 [5 favorites]