( •_•) . ( •_•)>⌐■-■ . (⌐■_■) ...he should have ducked.
June 14, 2020 12:41 PM   Subscribe

I'll admit that I didn't expect the summary to be literally true.
posted by Ickster at 12:47 PM on June 14 [10 favorites]

"A duck wearing a bow tie suffered injuries following a brawl with a dog in a pub" shall never be surpassed as an opening sentence.

and then the murders began
posted by Flannery Culp at 12:47 PM on June 14 [6 favorites]

Witnesses say a wisecracking rabbit goaded the duck into the fight and was later heard asking, "Ain't I a stinker?"
posted by PlusDistance at 1:06 PM on June 14 [22 favorites]

This post is good and is an example of why I come to MetaFilter. More like this please.

Also, I hope the duck is okay. Snapped its lower beak in half? Yikes!
posted by hippybear at 1:39 PM on June 14 [1 favorite]

posted by vrakatar at 1:56 PM on June 14 [1 favorite]

Well, that's an unpleasant surprise.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised, though. A lot of "cute animal" stories actually involve the animal being frightened or injured in some way. Sometimes it's ignorance, but sometimes it seems like people just aren't bothered?

I don't really understand. But for me, a story in which an animal is seriously injured isn't uplifting. The cutesy framing and twee music doesn't make it better that this animal was mauled by a dog. If anything it makes it worse.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 1:58 PM on June 14 [10 favorites]

So the duck's medical bill was higher than his bar bill?
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:55 PM on June 14 [2 favorites]

Are we sure it wasn’t a goose. I’m pretty sure this was a mission in UGG.
posted by saturday_morning at 3:11 PM on June 14 [2 favorites]

Nature is healing 🥰
posted by mister-o at 6:02 PM on June 14 [1 favorite]

Stop me if you've heard this one:

A Duck walks into a bar. Goes up and says: "I'll have a beer and a sandwich."
Bartender says: "What The Hell? I've Never Seen A Talking Duck!"
Duck says: "hey, if you can hear me talking, just gimme a beer and sandwich now. I'll be working on gig in town all this week, so if you can gimme a decent beer and a sandwich, I'll be back."

The next day, the Circus comes into town. The Ringmaster and his wrangler go into the bar and order rounds. The Bartender goes up to them and says: "hey, there's this Talking Duck! He eats sandwiches, drinks beer, and talks! You should hire him!" The Ringmaster presents his business card and says: "give this duck my card, tell him to talk to me."

The next day, the Duck walks into the bar and orders a beer and a sandwich.
The Bartender says: "I mentioned you to the Circus, they want to hire you!"
The Duck says: "the Circus... is with the tents & poles & elephants & all that kinda stuff?"
The Bartender says: "yeah, something like that..."
The Duck says: "why would they want to hire a drywaller?"
posted by ovvl at 6:43 PM on June 14 [34 favorites]

and now ovvl has given me my opening for my conversation with my coworkers tomorrow morning.
posted by hippybear at 6:45 PM on June 14

Man walks into a bar,
Duck says, "Duck!"
Then, John Wick 4.
posted by shoesfullofdust at 8:31 PM on June 14

This just reminds me of that unfortunate plot line in The Wire season 2.
posted by anhedonic at 8:34 PM on June 14 [1 favorite]

I'm curious what compels a duck to want to drink beer.
posted by bendy at 9:18 PM on June 14

I'm curious what compels a duck to want to drink beer.

posted by MrVisible at 12:11 AM on June 15 [11 favorites]

It's just missing narration by David Attenborough.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 12:46 AM on June 15 [2 favorites]

I'm curious what compels a duck to want to drink beer.
Gotta have something to wash down all those grapes.
posted by xedrik at 6:22 AM on June 15 [6 favorites]

That talking duck joins the circus joke is perhaps my favorite joke of all time.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 8:26 AM on June 15 [1 favorite]

Ducks are total bastards. I’m not surprised Star is a mean drunk.

The best thing I can say about ducks is, at least they’re not geese.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 9:41 AM on June 15 [1 favorite]

I wonder if dog was baffled, angry, or wanting beer.
posted by clavdivs at 4:30 PM on June 15

I started playing it, but like ten seconds in it switched to an ad? What gives, New Zealand Herald?
posted by JHarris at 10:18 PM on June 15

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