"what I was really doing, was *hiding*."
January 23, 2021 3:59 AM Subscribe
"This is a process for me, and I don’t have it totally figured out." Crystal Martin writes about withdrawing and "dimming her light", professional skills and personality, and things we tell ourselves we're doing. "I’m not one to cry in front of people, and most of the mean things people say to me don’t really matter, but what I’ve found…especially in my first year as a developer, is that I fall apart…I mean I…CRACK when someone questions my intellect." (Essay is from 2019 and is on Medium. Please also note the postscript which contextualizes the anecdote at the start of the piece.)
Well, ouch.
I'm in a place that sounds pretty similar to hers right now, and it's hard figuring out how to throw that shit off. I'm trying to pitch a piece I've been talking about and excited about doing for literal years and I was still fretting quietly last night: what if it's no big deal; what if it's just obvious and no one is going to be interested; what if, what if, what if. It's very easy to self isolate. I wish I had better answers as to how to fix it, other than by bulling through and trying to force myself to be social and promote anyway.
posted by sciatrix at 6:00 AM on January 23, 2021 [8 favorites]
I'm in a place that sounds pretty similar to hers right now, and it's hard figuring out how to throw that shit off. I'm trying to pitch a piece I've been talking about and excited about doing for literal years and I was still fretting quietly last night: what if it's no big deal; what if it's just obvious and no one is going to be interested; what if, what if, what if. It's very easy to self isolate. I wish I had better answers as to how to fix it, other than by bulling through and trying to force myself to be social and promote anyway.
posted by sciatrix at 6:00 AM on January 23, 2021 [8 favorites]
but what I was really doing, was hiding
Well, yeah, but...
I think this is part of the creative process. Or can be, or needs to be, for some people. Creation and self-reflection and introspection are hard, and that includes creation of the self (perhaps most of all). These things all require a certain vulnerability, and vulnerability is not necessarily something everyone can handle in a spotlight. Sometimes you need to retreat to your little cave to build something or to recreate yourself.
I don't see these things -- creation, becoming your best self, hiding -- as inherently in opposition, so much as different parts of the same fluid process. It's like breathing. You need both.
This is one of those things that make me worry for the youth, tbh. Social media, and the extent to which people seem consumed by it and the performance they're constantly creating via these weird distorting portals, seems like it precludes the kind of privacy and vulnerability necessary for creation, including creation (or re-creation) of the self. How do people evolve when all of their opinions and mistakes are public and preserved and searchable forever?
I don't think this is a rhetorical question. At it's most extreme, we're seeing people who have fallen far down the rabbit hole of conspiracy theories and white supremacy and all kinds of awful things and have done so very, very publicly. How do they come back from that? It seems like the toll admitting you were wrong and have done harm and the rest is that much harder to pay when it's all public. And if there's no way back from being a Qanon follower because you made it all public, because you can't handle the shame of having to repudiate all of that publicly, then all that's left is to go farther into the abyss.
I don't know man. I know I'm an outlier in how much I hate social media, but I also don't think I'm wrong. I've tried it a couple of times, I'll probably try it again, but it just seems so obviously bad for you. Like I have enough experience with addiction to recognize that hollow feeling, and ...yeah.
I don't think it's dimming your light to hide away. I think it's natural, and part of the process of becoming.
posted by schadenfrau at 6:35 AM on January 23, 2021 [25 favorites]
Well, yeah, but...
I think this is part of the creative process. Or can be, or needs to be, for some people. Creation and self-reflection and introspection are hard, and that includes creation of the self (perhaps most of all). These things all require a certain vulnerability, and vulnerability is not necessarily something everyone can handle in a spotlight. Sometimes you need to retreat to your little cave to build something or to recreate yourself.
I don't see these things -- creation, becoming your best self, hiding -- as inherently in opposition, so much as different parts of the same fluid process. It's like breathing. You need both.
This is one of those things that make me worry for the youth, tbh. Social media, and the extent to which people seem consumed by it and the performance they're constantly creating via these weird distorting portals, seems like it precludes the kind of privacy and vulnerability necessary for creation, including creation (or re-creation) of the self. How do people evolve when all of their opinions and mistakes are public and preserved and searchable forever?
I don't think this is a rhetorical question. At it's most extreme, we're seeing people who have fallen far down the rabbit hole of conspiracy theories and white supremacy and all kinds of awful things and have done so very, very publicly. How do they come back from that? It seems like the toll admitting you were wrong and have done harm and the rest is that much harder to pay when it's all public. And if there's no way back from being a Qanon follower because you made it all public, because you can't handle the shame of having to repudiate all of that publicly, then all that's left is to go farther into the abyss.
I don't know man. I know I'm an outlier in how much I hate social media, but I also don't think I'm wrong. I've tried it a couple of times, I'll probably try it again, but it just seems so obviously bad for you. Like I have enough experience with addiction to recognize that hollow feeling, and ...yeah.
I don't think it's dimming your light to hide away. I think it's natural, and part of the process of becoming.
posted by schadenfrau at 6:35 AM on January 23, 2021 [25 favorites]
I agree completely, schadenfrau. I was put in a position a few years ago where I badly needed to de-stress for my health, which gradually led to me simplifying my life a lot, and that involved a lot of isolation.
Wait... that's bullshit. Hang on. I got sick a few years ago, and it finally provided me with the excuse I needed to cut myself off from a whole lot of people. I've always wondered what would happen if I could just be left alone for a while, you know? If I could just get some time to think.
I ended up creating a brand new type of musical instrument.
I desperately needed the isolation in order to be able to conceive this; it involved hours of literally just sitting and thinking. And I needed the isolation in order to develop the skills I needed to build the thing.
The problem, though, is that now I'm at a point where I need help. The project has gotten too big, the codebase has gotten too ugly, and the skills I can teach myself in isolation pale in comparison to the abilities of people who actually do things like engineering and design for a living. But I don't have any connections, and I don't have any management skills, and in order to get this out into the world I've got to promote myself, and I hate it. I literally, physically need the calm and isolation that I had in order to function, and certainly in order to function on any sort of creative level. But in order to do anything with what I've created, I have to be out in the world, being social, talking to people.
I don't want to shine my light. I don't want that to be a professional requirement. I want to do the work I love to do, and I want to be left alone to do it.
I keep wondering what we're losing by never giving people the chance to just be by themselves, quietly. I know there are some people who don't require this, but I think there are a lot of people out there like me who long to be by themselves, but never have the opportunity. And I wonder how many wonderful ideas we have lost because, while the idea may have been amazing, the creator simply didn't have the social and managerial skills to bring their ideas to the world.
The ghost of all the group projects I did by myself throughout high school and college is laughing at me.
posted by MrVisible at 7:14 AM on January 23, 2021 [21 favorites]
Wait... that's bullshit. Hang on. I got sick a few years ago, and it finally provided me with the excuse I needed to cut myself off from a whole lot of people. I've always wondered what would happen if I could just be left alone for a while, you know? If I could just get some time to think.
I ended up creating a brand new type of musical instrument.
I desperately needed the isolation in order to be able to conceive this; it involved hours of literally just sitting and thinking. And I needed the isolation in order to develop the skills I needed to build the thing.
The problem, though, is that now I'm at a point where I need help. The project has gotten too big, the codebase has gotten too ugly, and the skills I can teach myself in isolation pale in comparison to the abilities of people who actually do things like engineering and design for a living. But I don't have any connections, and I don't have any management skills, and in order to get this out into the world I've got to promote myself, and I hate it. I literally, physically need the calm and isolation that I had in order to function, and certainly in order to function on any sort of creative level. But in order to do anything with what I've created, I have to be out in the world, being social, talking to people.
I don't want to shine my light. I don't want that to be a professional requirement. I want to do the work I love to do, and I want to be left alone to do it.
I keep wondering what we're losing by never giving people the chance to just be by themselves, quietly. I know there are some people who don't require this, but I think there are a lot of people out there like me who long to be by themselves, but never have the opportunity. And I wonder how many wonderful ideas we have lost because, while the idea may have been amazing, the creator simply didn't have the social and managerial skills to bring their ideas to the world.
The ghost of all the group projects I did by myself throughout high school and college is laughing at me.
posted by MrVisible at 7:14 AM on January 23, 2021 [21 favorites]
This is one of those things that make me worry for the youth, tbh. Social media, and the extent to which people seem consumed by it and the performance they're constantly creating via these weird distorting portals, seems like it precludes the kind of privacy and vulnerability necessary for creation, including creation (or re-creation) of the self. How do people evolve when all of their opinions and mistakes are public and preserved and searchable forever?
QFMFT. That's gold.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 7:59 AM on January 23, 2021 [6 favorites]
QFMFT. That's gold.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 7:59 AM on January 23, 2021 [6 favorites]
Martin does note in a few places in the piece how healthy and helpful withdrawal and solo time can be, in case there's anyone reading this thread who hasn't read the piece. One:
"Soooo….I hid…I dimmed my light.
In some ways, it was a much needed break from the limelight. Self-protective behavior is important. My withdrawal was equal parts fear-based and wisdom."
Different people have super different interests and rhythms and needs. I do not personally know Martin but I would guess that she generally enjoys interaction and does not mind positive attention; I see that her professional work focuses on interpersonal collaboration. Folks reading this who NEVER want the limelight, and/or who find interpersonal stuff actively frustrating and annoying and difficult by default, I figure will have a pretty different rhythm for what's nourishing for you. My temperament is probably more like Martin's.
posted by brainwane at 9:00 AM on January 23, 2021
"Soooo….I hid…I dimmed my light.
In some ways, it was a much needed break from the limelight. Self-protective behavior is important. My withdrawal was equal parts fear-based and wisdom."
Different people have super different interests and rhythms and needs. I do not personally know Martin but I would guess that she generally enjoys interaction and does not mind positive attention; I see that her professional work focuses on interpersonal collaboration. Folks reading this who NEVER want the limelight, and/or who find interpersonal stuff actively frustrating and annoying and difficult by default, I figure will have a pretty different rhythm for what's nourishing for you. My temperament is probably more like Martin's.
posted by brainwane at 9:00 AM on January 23, 2021
My ex-wife had exactly one job where she was appreciated and valued. Then we moved away. It was a huge stress on the relationship that we had the same degree and I wasn't catching the same kind of garbage at work. She wound up temping for a while until I spotted an ad in the WSJ. All it said was "Art Supply Store for sale" and a phone number. She called and it was 15 minutes away.
The sales reps and customers really wanted her to suceed and that was a huge difference.
10 years later she had 3 stores and she was really happy which was very good for our relationship. Unfortunately the recession killed that and the marriage. It's really hard to be with someone who hates their job.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 10:23 AM on January 23, 2021 [6 favorites]
The sales reps and customers really wanted her to suceed and that was a huge difference.
10 years later she had 3 stores and she was really happy which was very good for our relationship. Unfortunately the recession killed that and the marriage. It's really hard to be with someone who hates their job.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 10:23 AM on January 23, 2021 [6 favorites]
At least to me, there are stark differences between taking the time to think things over and take it slow and give myself the space and time to come up with new ideas, and then being in a space where I am dimming myself because I know my skills and knowledge and who I am are not valued. One is regenerative, the other wears you down — the author, to me, is definitely writing about the latter. (I am in a similar situation myself, and it is No Fun.)
posted by heurtebise at 11:16 AM on January 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by heurtebise at 11:16 AM on January 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
heurtebise described my past situation very well. Dimming oneself can be a survival strategy (the nail that sticks up gets hammered), but there are heavy psychological costs to that process. Sometimes those costs manifest physically.
The “undimmening,” for some of us, requires much difficult work. The essayist in the link seems to have come out pretty swiftly, but the process isn’t so straightforward for some of us. Old beliefs creep in. So much deeply ingrained self doubt! So much energy put into not wallowing in regret for the time and opportunities missed while suppressed. For some people, dimming one’s light equates to solitude. Not for all of us, though. Solitude can be a lovely thing. I can be alone and manifesting a spirit of flame. But that can be dangerous. Expressing oneself creatively comes with scaryscaryscary risks, and someone in danger of breaking may have good reasons for banking the fire, whether surrounded by people or alone. But that’s not a healthy place to be in long term (I refuse to torture the metaphor by talking about the world being sometimes a cold place, and colder when our fires aren’t blazing, etc etc. You’re welcome.)
The linked piece makes some solid points, but the process of making space for your genuine self in your life, embracing that self, celebrating that self, that can be much more arduous than the article might suggest. As my years of payments to therapists can attest. I know not everybody has access to therapy, though. (For anyone who, like me, was trained to need an Authority to tell them the following, consider yourself adopted, and I’m now your weird auntie in Florida who is in no way any kind of psychologist or other trained professional but really cares about you and is probably baking cookies.) Please know that it’s ok if it takes you many tries to manifest your real self and maintain that state. You are allowed to try again, and again, and again as necessary, resting when you need to (or when you need to do so to be safe) or to sit and play video games or pet the cat or whatever if that’s what you need. I’m glad the author was able to use their self awareness to rescue themself. For a lot of us? It’s a lot more complicated. And that is OK!
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 12:39 PM on January 23, 2021 [7 favorites]
The “undimmening,” for some of us, requires much difficult work. The essayist in the link seems to have come out pretty swiftly, but the process isn’t so straightforward for some of us. Old beliefs creep in. So much deeply ingrained self doubt! So much energy put into not wallowing in regret for the time and opportunities missed while suppressed. For some people, dimming one’s light equates to solitude. Not for all of us, though. Solitude can be a lovely thing. I can be alone and manifesting a spirit of flame. But that can be dangerous. Expressing oneself creatively comes with scaryscaryscary risks, and someone in danger of breaking may have good reasons for banking the fire, whether surrounded by people or alone. But that’s not a healthy place to be in long term (I refuse to torture the metaphor by talking about the world being sometimes a cold place, and colder when our fires aren’t blazing, etc etc. You’re welcome.)
The linked piece makes some solid points, but the process of making space for your genuine self in your life, embracing that self, celebrating that self, that can be much more arduous than the article might suggest. As my years of payments to therapists can attest. I know not everybody has access to therapy, though. (For anyone who, like me, was trained to need an Authority to tell them the following, consider yourself adopted, and I’m now your weird auntie in Florida who is in no way any kind of psychologist or other trained professional but really cares about you and is probably baking cookies.) Please know that it’s ok if it takes you many tries to manifest your real self and maintain that state. You are allowed to try again, and again, and again as necessary, resting when you need to (or when you need to do so to be safe) or to sit and play video games or pet the cat or whatever if that’s what you need. I’m glad the author was able to use their self awareness to rescue themself. For a lot of us? It’s a lot more complicated. And that is OK!
posted by Nancy_LockIsLit_Palmer at 12:39 PM on January 23, 2021 [7 favorites]
I don't want to shine my light. I don't want that to be a professional requirement.YYEEEESSS
Ugh, this is one of the things I hate about the so-called gig economy, or really any sort of short-term contract work. Oh, but there's so much flexibility! You choose your employer and your employer chooses you! Work whenever you want! Aaaaugh... what if selling myself over and over and over again is in and of itself paralysis-inducing, huh? Not all of us are bright and shiny but that doesn't mean we inherently suck.
(See also: Why don't you just start your own band/business/book group/etc.?)
posted by inexorably_forward at 1:15 PM on January 23, 2021 [12 favorites]
I am going to have to be dimming my light pretty soon as a survival strategy, because, well, not surviving is a social taboo. It’s your social taboo, not mine. I’d much rather go out in a blaze of glory, but *shrug* you all don’t like certain failure modes as a society, so to keep my meat puppet unmurdered by predators I have to remove my entire public life.
We need to sit with the fact that failure happens. Sometimes people fail, sometimes people are predated upon, the social levers to protect people do not work for marginalised people, and injustices persist and people who are suffering them this very moment are in line for coffee behind you.
Don’t make condolence noises. Im deliberately stopping them because I don’t want you to be able to soothe yourself by making them. I want you all to hurt, at least for a moment - for your stomachs to hurt so much that you learn, groaning, that solidarity is a verb, not something you send online with your goddam heart react, for the injustice of this and so many other things to get you to join together and work for fundamental, systemic change. I particularly want the least marginalised to feel this way. If you’re already marginalised, this paragraph does not apply to you.
Also, if you have kids or can influence kids, prove to them that they can trust you and you’re out for their best interests. I was very public online for a long time because I didn’t trust a word out of my caregivers’ mouths, even good advice, because they had proved unsafe in so many ways. So I didn’t take the advice to be private online because so much of the rest of their advice was crap, I was an early adopter and the schools didn’t know what to do with me. Now I’m vulnerable to this stuff.
Go reach out to that person you’re friends with whose Instagram trailed off, whose book didn’t launch, whose career has stalled, who has hidden their light under a bushel to save themselves.
We are valuable because we exist, not because of anything we do. This is said in the article, for sure, but I would like to extend its forbearance to folks who are excluded from “the game” permanently
posted by The Last Sockpuppet at 1:27 PM on January 23, 2021 [10 favorites]
We need to sit with the fact that failure happens. Sometimes people fail, sometimes people are predated upon, the social levers to protect people do not work for marginalised people, and injustices persist and people who are suffering them this very moment are in line for coffee behind you.
Don’t make condolence noises. Im deliberately stopping them because I don’t want you to be able to soothe yourself by making them. I want you all to hurt, at least for a moment - for your stomachs to hurt so much that you learn, groaning, that solidarity is a verb, not something you send online with your goddam heart react, for the injustice of this and so many other things to get you to join together and work for fundamental, systemic change. I particularly want the least marginalised to feel this way. If you’re already marginalised, this paragraph does not apply to you.
Also, if you have kids or can influence kids, prove to them that they can trust you and you’re out for their best interests. I was very public online for a long time because I didn’t trust a word out of my caregivers’ mouths, even good advice, because they had proved unsafe in so many ways. So I didn’t take the advice to be private online because so much of the rest of their advice was crap, I was an early adopter and the schools didn’t know what to do with me. Now I’m vulnerable to this stuff.
Go reach out to that person you’re friends with whose Instagram trailed off, whose book didn’t launch, whose career has stalled, who has hidden their light under a bushel to save themselves.
We are valuable because we exist, not because of anything we do. This is said in the article, for sure, but I would like to extend its forbearance to folks who are excluded from “the game” permanently
posted by The Last Sockpuppet at 1:27 PM on January 23, 2021 [10 favorites]
Let’s run it through the context of this article. Someone who is not the article's author should have stopped that dickhead from making that thoughtless comment. A primal fear inside the dickhead should have stopped it before it was uttered. We need to get to that society, where the casual dealing of social and emotional pain, where the mechanisms of marginalisation become taboo
posted by The Last Sockpuppet at 1:29 PM on January 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by The Last Sockpuppet at 1:29 PM on January 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
It sounds like we all have different interpretations of this based on our own personal experiences.
In my case, I've decided to generally hide my light. This is somewhat difficult for me because I'm an obvious showy person--a unicorn, if you will-- and I get noticed IRL. Personalitywise i want to be a shiny star, basically. In the beforetimes I was a showy dresser and I'm weird and well, people notice what I'm saying or doing a lot. Unfortunately, not everywhere is unicorn-friendly and I spent my growing up years being weird and out of step with others and having most people hate me because I was weird and I couldn't figure out how to blend in and weirdness bothers most people. (Disclaimer: how to do this? KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND HIDE IN THE BACK.)
Things got better once I got out of high school and moved out of the sticks to a more unicorn-friendly town, mind you. But now we have social media and if you make the slightest of mistakes, you get Justine Sacco'd, get doxxed, get canned, get stalkers, and ruin your own life. And of course if you're a woman, or anything besides the lowest difficulty level, you will ruin your own life if people see you on the Internet. You will be relentlessly attacked if people see you, because weirdos offend with their existence.
So far I've managed a balancing act as to where to show myself and be a ham (i.e. not social media, just show in places that don't get thousands of audience members) and haven't gotten myself In Trouble yet. I don't post my pics of interesting things I've done on Facebook or the 'gram for a reason, just on a website that few people see because it's not social media. I only do online video because pandemic, and so far I've stuck to small fish areas so I haven't gotten In Trouble doing that yet either. But you never know. However, it's incredibly unsafe to be seen by a lot of people now, especially in areas where you're not an accepted community member or whatever.
Now, a friend of mine has pointed out that I did get a stalker ANYWAY despite hiding myself, which is true. Someone I know IRL decided she hated my guts and there you go, story of my life. But there's a difference between one person (who has pretty much backed off as far as I know since we are now mostly separated in life) and well, the entire Internet.
I'll note that this author sounds like a female working in a male-dominated industry. 'Nuff said to the amount of harassment and hell she's going to get. No wonder she wanted to hide.
Before I finish this....
"I don't want to shine my light. I don't want that to be a professional requirement. I want to do the work I love to do, and I want to be left alone to do it."
posted by MrVisible
Eponysterical.
posted by jenfullmoon at 3:19 PM on January 23, 2021 [4 favorites]
In my case, I've decided to generally hide my light. This is somewhat difficult for me because I'm an obvious showy person--a unicorn, if you will-- and I get noticed IRL. Personalitywise i want to be a shiny star, basically. In the beforetimes I was a showy dresser and I'm weird and well, people notice what I'm saying or doing a lot. Unfortunately, not everywhere is unicorn-friendly and I spent my growing up years being weird and out of step with others and having most people hate me because I was weird and I couldn't figure out how to blend in and weirdness bothers most people. (Disclaimer: how to do this? KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND HIDE IN THE BACK.)
Things got better once I got out of high school and moved out of the sticks to a more unicorn-friendly town, mind you. But now we have social media and if you make the slightest of mistakes, you get Justine Sacco'd, get doxxed, get canned, get stalkers, and ruin your own life. And of course if you're a woman, or anything besides the lowest difficulty level, you will ruin your own life if people see you on the Internet. You will be relentlessly attacked if people see you, because weirdos offend with their existence.
So far I've managed a balancing act as to where to show myself and be a ham (i.e. not social media, just show in places that don't get thousands of audience members) and haven't gotten myself In Trouble yet. I don't post my pics of interesting things I've done on Facebook or the 'gram for a reason, just on a website that few people see because it's not social media. I only do online video because pandemic, and so far I've stuck to small fish areas so I haven't gotten In Trouble doing that yet either. But you never know. However, it's incredibly unsafe to be seen by a lot of people now, especially in areas where you're not an accepted community member or whatever.
Now, a friend of mine has pointed out that I did get a stalker ANYWAY despite hiding myself, which is true. Someone I know IRL decided she hated my guts and there you go, story of my life. But there's a difference between one person (who has pretty much backed off as far as I know since we are now mostly separated in life) and well, the entire Internet.
I'll note that this author sounds like a female working in a male-dominated industry. 'Nuff said to the amount of harassment and hell she's going to get. No wonder she wanted to hide.
Before I finish this....
"I don't want to shine my light. I don't want that to be a professional requirement. I want to do the work I love to do, and I want to be left alone to do it."
posted by MrVisible
Eponysterical.
posted by jenfullmoon at 3:19 PM on January 23, 2021 [4 favorites]
Erm, I just noticed the irony that I was writing that post while I was waiting to perform in an online festival :P Only 53 people in the audience for this though!
posted by jenfullmoon at 3:54 PM on January 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by jenfullmoon at 3:54 PM on January 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
This is scarily relatable. I was dimming my light as a survival strategy for years in tech and that became the default position. I left coding world and moved into something that was less stress-inducing and threatening to my well-being into something I suppose more “me”.
I feel a certain low-to-mid level anxiety nowadays at the rise of all this ‘bring your full self to work’ talk lately. I’m all for inclusion and creating spaces where that can happen, but I’m personally not ready to do that yet. And knowing the amount of privilege I have going into this game, I feel slightly guilty that I’m not just getting over myself to participate more fully. I’m working hard on unpacking that and learning how to show up in more constructive ways.
I’m actually career transitioning again, but I think this time what’s different is that I’m choosing a career path that I can bring more of myself into, without fear of judgement or all the triggers to cracking that the author describes. And I’m doing this consciously and more deliberately than before, which also helps.
I know the word ‘authentic’ is overused and misused a lot these days, but it really is about striving toward that.
posted by iamkimiam at 12:47 AM on January 24, 2021 [3 favorites]
I feel a certain low-to-mid level anxiety nowadays at the rise of all this ‘bring your full self to work’ talk lately. I’m all for inclusion and creating spaces where that can happen, but I’m personally not ready to do that yet. And knowing the amount of privilege I have going into this game, I feel slightly guilty that I’m not just getting over myself to participate more fully. I’m working hard on unpacking that and learning how to show up in more constructive ways.
I’m actually career transitioning again, but I think this time what’s different is that I’m choosing a career path that I can bring more of myself into, without fear of judgement or all the triggers to cracking that the author describes. And I’m doing this consciously and more deliberately than before, which also helps.
I know the word ‘authentic’ is overused and misused a lot these days, but it really is about striving toward that.
posted by iamkimiam at 12:47 AM on January 24, 2021 [3 favorites]
The public Qanon scenario above is a really interesting one. How do we give people the space and permission to change?
posted by iamkimiam at 12:48 AM on January 24, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by iamkimiam at 12:48 AM on January 24, 2021 [1 favorite]
I feel like this new drama is proving my point. I truly would not have even conceived that "I have chills" was offensive enough to get fired over, but here we are.
posted by jenfullmoon at 5:03 PM on January 24, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by jenfullmoon at 5:03 PM on January 24, 2021 [1 favorite]
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posted by Mr. Yuck at 4:40 AM on January 23, 2021 [6 favorites]