Mortification: The Urgent Desire To have The Earth Swallow You Whole
July 20, 2022 2:19 PM Subscribe
Over at Ask A Manager, proprietor Alison Green is running Mortification Week - in which she has published a number of stories recounted to her about the times in the workplace where the commenter made embarrassing blunders of epic proportions.
Highlights include:
* Accidentally leaving out the X-rated knitting to be seen on the spouse's video chat,
* Great moments in the failure of the mute button,
* Gravity and inadequate support bringing new meaning to "Kids Bop",
* Rubber ducking with Fabio,
* Voyeurism via global conference call,
* How to lose friends and make enemies with a bread machine,
* And many other tales of professional embarassment besides.
Highlights include:
* Accidentally leaving out the X-rated knitting to be seen on the spouse's video chat,
* Great moments in the failure of the mute button,
* Gravity and inadequate support bringing new meaning to "Kids Bop",
* Rubber ducking with Fabio,
* Voyeurism via global conference call,
* How to lose friends and make enemies with a bread machine,
* And many other tales of professional embarassment besides.
I too have a second hand story, of a person who emailed her boss that she needed to take a sick day. The next day she goes back to work and notices a lot of smiles in her general direction, and eventually her boss asks her how her husband enjoyed the previous day and lets her in on the fact that she made a typo in her email, replacing the "s" with a "d".
posted by nubs at 2:42 PM on July 20, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by nubs at 2:42 PM on July 20, 2022 [3 favorites]
I have a chronic GI problem with a lot of associated nausea. Sometimes, I need an anti-nausea suppository because I can't keep down oral meds. A couple of weeks ago, while I was attending a virtual conference so on zoom all day, my partner came in to give me my meds. I bent over the bed, and flipped my skirt up, and as my partner is about to do the insertion, he says casually, "Camera off?"
It was. It had never been on. But it gave me a heck of an adrenaline spike nonetheless.
posted by Well I never at 2:56 PM on July 20, 2022 [33 favorites]
It was. It had never been on. But it gave me a heck of an adrenaline spike nonetheless.
posted by Well I never at 2:56 PM on July 20, 2022 [33 favorites]
Back in 2002, I was on the staff of a publishing company, but my role wasn't solidified yet (I eventually became their "special sections" editor for two magazines, but anyway.) We were in temporary offices while our new upstairs offices were being completed. Come moving day, my boss, who never hesisted to shit on people below her, asked me to move the contents of her current desk up to her new desk for her. Drawer #1 was filled with tampons. Filled. So I packed up her tampons and carried them past everyone else's cubicles, up to her desk. I was not mortified, but I hoped she would be.
posted by emelenjr at 3:28 PM on July 20, 2022
posted by emelenjr at 3:28 PM on July 20, 2022
I worked a long time with an Indian population who's shortened names were still three syllables. I'm bad with names so I took extra care to memorize names and pronunciations whenever I met new people. We had two guys start on the same day and I drilled myself getting everything in order, and when we sat down for a meeting that afternoon I got the names and pronunciations perfect -- only I had swapped the two of them in my head and called each of them the wrong name.
Cue sliding under the table....
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 3:28 PM on July 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
Cue sliding under the table....
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 3:28 PM on July 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
A former colleague of mine was sent into the Australian Prime Minister's office as part of a camera crew. He hadn't been in there before and when he noticed the guestbook he figured he was expected to sign in. He didn't look at the other names in the book.
Some time later the PM's staff looked at the guestbook and noticed his name in it. The list of names in the book was something like this:
Nelson Mandela
The Dalai Lama
Mikhail Gorbachev
Bill Clinton
Helmut Kohl
Kofi Annan
Jason
posted by the duck by the oboe at 3:35 PM on July 20, 2022 [120 favorites]
Some time later the PM's staff looked at the guestbook and noticed his name in it. The list of names in the book was something like this:
Nelson Mandela
The Dalai Lama
Mikhail Gorbachev
Bill Clinton
Helmut Kohl
Kofi Annan
Jason
posted by the duck by the oboe at 3:35 PM on July 20, 2022 [120 favorites]
Have told this story before, am telling it again -
I had a temp job once with the legal team of a big corporate bank. One day at lunch I dropped a full container of tomato soup in my lap - it had cooled down enough so that I didn't get burned, but it was red soup that had now splashed ALL over my khaki pants. I dripped my way to the bathroom to try to get the worst of the stains out, trying to use paper towels and hand soap. And it was SORT of working, but....the only way I was able to wet the stains was by wiping them with a towel and that wasn't cutting it.
But then the only other two women who were in the bathroom with me left....and I had an idea. I poked my head out the door to see if the coast was clear, then took the pants off and dunked them under the faucet, squirted on some soap and scurried into a stall. There I scrubbed away. And it worked! I'd still have to give things a good wash later, and there would now be wet splotches on my pants, but it was definitely an improvement. So now I just had to rinse off the soap. I'd heard another person or two come in while I was in the stall, so I waited for them to leave, then scurried back out to the sink to rinse the soap off, not really paying attention to whether the door was opening....
....and that is how I ended up mooning the Vice President of Latin American Legal Affairs.
(Bless her, she handled it well - she just blinked at me, and I meekly said something about "....I spilled soup...." and she said "ah, okay, lemme guard the door for you," and turned her back to me and planted herself in front of the door until I had rinsed off the soap and retreated back to a stall to put my pants on. I emailed her a profuse apology afterward, and she answered "no worries at all, it looked like you were having a bit of a situation there! :-) ")
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:38 PM on July 20, 2022 [13 favorites]
I had a temp job once with the legal team of a big corporate bank. One day at lunch I dropped a full container of tomato soup in my lap - it had cooled down enough so that I didn't get burned, but it was red soup that had now splashed ALL over my khaki pants. I dripped my way to the bathroom to try to get the worst of the stains out, trying to use paper towels and hand soap. And it was SORT of working, but....the only way I was able to wet the stains was by wiping them with a towel and that wasn't cutting it.
But then the only other two women who were in the bathroom with me left....and I had an idea. I poked my head out the door to see if the coast was clear, then took the pants off and dunked them under the faucet, squirted on some soap and scurried into a stall. There I scrubbed away. And it worked! I'd still have to give things a good wash later, and there would now be wet splotches on my pants, but it was definitely an improvement. So now I just had to rinse off the soap. I'd heard another person or two come in while I was in the stall, so I waited for them to leave, then scurried back out to the sink to rinse the soap off, not really paying attention to whether the door was opening....
....and that is how I ended up mooning the Vice President of Latin American Legal Affairs.
(Bless her, she handled it well - she just blinked at me, and I meekly said something about "....I spilled soup...." and she said "ah, okay, lemme guard the door for you," and turned her back to me and planted herself in front of the door until I had rinsed off the soap and retreated back to a stall to put my pants on. I emailed her a profuse apology afterward, and she answered "no worries at all, it looked like you were having a bit of a situation there! :-) ")
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:38 PM on July 20, 2022 [13 favorites]
r/cringe has this in buckets
(scroll down from the top of all time linked above to avoid the trump/politics posts it gets juicier)
posted by lalochezia at 4:10 PM on July 20, 2022 [2 favorites]
(scroll down from the top of all time linked above to avoid the trump/politics posts it gets juicier)
posted by lalochezia at 4:10 PM on July 20, 2022 [2 favorites]
The Urgent Desire To have The Earth Swallow You Whole
FINALLY we get a geovore post on--
Over at Ask A Manager
...oh this is something.. else.. no that's cool too.
posted by curious nu at 5:09 PM on July 20, 2022 [22 favorites]
FINALLY we get a geovore post on--
Over at Ask A Manager
...oh this is something.. else.. no that's cool too.
posted by curious nu at 5:09 PM on July 20, 2022 [22 favorites]
I once worked as a receptionist in the building where everybody had to pick up their office keys from my desk in the morning and drop them off in the afternoon. One day, a relatively new employee greeted me as “Kim,” which is not my name. I figured he just misspoke and didn’t correct him. And then I let it go on way too long after I realized he really did think my name was Kim. One day he brought his parents in to show them his office, and introduced them both to Kim. After that, I just couldn’t bring myself to correct him. And then one day he came in at the same time as another employee. “Morning, Kim!” he called our in his usual cheery manner. The other employee looked at him like he had three heads. “Did you just call [Realname] ‘Kim?’” And then I had to tell the whole story, and everybody came out of it feeling foolish.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 5:18 PM on July 20, 2022 [7 favorites]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 5:18 PM on July 20, 2022 [7 favorites]
Fabio and the dirty crafting are the best.
posted by jenfullmoon at 5:53 PM on July 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by jenfullmoon at 5:53 PM on July 20, 2022 [1 favorite]
My real name is Eden, which is vaguely unusual, sure.
I worked on a floor with people who were not direct coworkers but we'd pass each other (our jobs were vaguely affiliated but I was a contractor so I was pretty separate). There weren't many of us here, though -- maybe only about 20-30 people total on this floor.
One of the men on this floor was some higher up to someone. He was also notoriously known for getting just about everyone's name wrong.
Every time he saw me, he gleefully announced me as "EVE!" For my part, I hated this job, he was not a direct coworker and I figured, hey, close enough, so I just went with it (I had tried to correct him a couple of times -- AS HAD HIS BOSS).
But he was so dedicated to calling me Eve that I wondered if I was actually wrong about my own name.
(I do not have that job anymore, thankfully. Also a few people called me Ellen, which, also, enough of the same letters. It was bad there.)
posted by edencosmic at 6:45 PM on July 20, 2022 [2 favorites]
I worked on a floor with people who were not direct coworkers but we'd pass each other (our jobs were vaguely affiliated but I was a contractor so I was pretty separate). There weren't many of us here, though -- maybe only about 20-30 people total on this floor.
One of the men on this floor was some higher up to someone. He was also notoriously known for getting just about everyone's name wrong.
Every time he saw me, he gleefully announced me as "EVE!" For my part, I hated this job, he was not a direct coworker and I figured, hey, close enough, so I just went with it (I had tried to correct him a couple of times -- AS HAD HIS BOSS).
But he was so dedicated to calling me Eve that I wondered if I was actually wrong about my own name.
(I do not have that job anymore, thankfully. Also a few people called me Ellen, which, also, enough of the same letters. It was bad there.)
posted by edencosmic at 6:45 PM on July 20, 2022 [2 favorites]
First year in college a passing friend starts calling me Joey instead of Johnny. It went on for years. I got so used to it that I would turn my head when his voice said Joey. Fast forward to the last semester of school. Someone comes up to me when he was standing there and calls me Johnny. He had this big smile and in his southern drawl said, "Shoot. I done screwed up for 3 and a half years. Sorry about that." I just laughed and said I had been called much worse than Joey. From then on he called me "Much worse than Joey" whenever he could. Actually, a lot of my friends started calling me Joey after that too. To this day, my college friends call me Joey and Johnny interchangeably.
I guess it happens a lot. I think my wrong name caller just did not understand my NY mumble as he was from the sticks of Alabama.
I on the other hand once brought a date to a restaurant to stop by and meet my mother. My date looked stunning. I was so nervous and flustered that I said, "Date's name, I would like you to meet my stepmother." My mom did not miss a beat and said, "I guess I have been demoted, but Johnny has been an independent thinker since he came down my birth canal." I think my stepfather actually passed some of his beer through his nose he was laughing so hard.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 7:01 PM on July 20, 2022 [13 favorites]
I guess it happens a lot. I think my wrong name caller just did not understand my NY mumble as he was from the sticks of Alabama.
I on the other hand once brought a date to a restaurant to stop by and meet my mother. My date looked stunning. I was so nervous and flustered that I said, "Date's name, I would like you to meet my stepmother." My mom did not miss a beat and said, "I guess I have been demoted, but Johnny has been an independent thinker since he came down my birth canal." I think my stepfather actually passed some of his beer through his nose he was laughing so hard.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 7:01 PM on July 20, 2022 [13 favorites]
One day, a relatively new employee greeted me as “Kim,” which is not my name.
My mom spent ten years or so as the receptionist in a medical office. When she left to a new career, she was replaced by her sister, my aunt Pat; they were not twins but they looked enough alike that if you saw one of them briefly a couple of times a year you probably would not notice if she were replaced by the other. You might puzzle over why the little name plate on the desk changed, though.
After another decade or so, my aunt Pat left as well, and was succeeded by her sister-in-law with the same name. (My aunt Pat had married Wayne Lastname; this new Pat had married Wayne’s brother, Gary Lastname.). New Pat looked nothing at all like my aunt (or my mom for that matter); she did, however, have exactly the same name.
I sometimes wonder what patients made of the fact that their doctor seemingly had two receptionists in his career, but for some reason the name changed ten or twelve years before the face did.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:30 PM on July 20, 2022 [8 favorites]
My mom spent ten years or so as the receptionist in a medical office. When she left to a new career, she was replaced by her sister, my aunt Pat; they were not twins but they looked enough alike that if you saw one of them briefly a couple of times a year you probably would not notice if she were replaced by the other. You might puzzle over why the little name plate on the desk changed, though.
After another decade or so, my aunt Pat left as well, and was succeeded by her sister-in-law with the same name. (My aunt Pat had married Wayne Lastname; this new Pat had married Wayne’s brother, Gary Lastname.). New Pat looked nothing at all like my aunt (or my mom for that matter); she did, however, have exactly the same name.
I sometimes wonder what patients made of the fact that their doctor seemingly had two receptionists in his career, but for some reason the name changed ten or twelve years before the face did.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:30 PM on July 20, 2022 [8 favorites]
Our library lends out laptops, and someone returned one with a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey neatly tucked in the case.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:44 PM on July 20, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:44 PM on July 20, 2022 [2 favorites]
On the flip side, I get a kick out of it when someone calls me by the wrong name. A woman at work thinks I’m Ron, which I’m not. And sometimes I think, “Hmm, how would Ron handle this [random work problem]?” It’s fun to be Ron. I think Ron has a long, drawn Gaulish face and a mustache.
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 5:32 AM on July 21, 2022 [10 favorites]
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 5:32 AM on July 21, 2022 [10 favorites]
I work in advertising, and when I was still very junior I was producing a radio ad. On the day we were recording, I didn’t know that there was a very famous actor also in the talent waiting area (not A list, but pretty close). So I go out there to hand each of my actors their scripts, saying, “Okay, you’re playing the Mom, you’re the Pizza Delivery Guy, you’re Guy #2, and you’re… famous!”
And then I ran into the studio and stayed inside for pretty much the rest of the day.
posted by Mchelly at 5:42 AM on July 21, 2022 [2 favorites]
And then I ran into the studio and stayed inside for pretty much the rest of the day.
posted by Mchelly at 5:42 AM on July 21, 2022 [2 favorites]
I once got the following text from a resident who was rotating on our service (obviously meant for someone else): “ I’m all shaved On my way! Home.” The next day I couldn’t resist mentioning that he still had his full beard. He turned bright red and said he just got it trimmed up.
Another favorite is from shortly after all of our conferences went virtual during the pandemic. We have a morning lecture once a week that everyone is expected to attend. Of course, once it went virtual many people discovered they could attend while driving in to work, giving them a few extra minutes of sleep in the morning. This was driven home when in the middle of a lecture one of our nurse anesthetists (whose voice I immediately recognized) could be heard loud and clear saying “…fucking turn signals!”
posted by TedW at 6:58 AM on July 21, 2022 [2 favorites]
Another favorite is from shortly after all of our conferences went virtual during the pandemic. We have a morning lecture once a week that everyone is expected to attend. Of course, once it went virtual many people discovered they could attend while driving in to work, giving them a few extra minutes of sleep in the morning. This was driven home when in the middle of a lecture one of our nurse anesthetists (whose voice I immediately recognized) could be heard loud and clear saying “…fucking turn signals!”
posted by TedW at 6:58 AM on July 21, 2022 [2 favorites]
Once when I started a new job I met like fifty co-workers and other associated people in a day. There was one guy named Glen and one guy named Grant and a third guy named either Glen(n) or Grant.
I never quite worked out which his name was and I reckoned that eventually someone would address him by it in my presence or refer to him but no one ever did (admittedly, I saw him only two or three times a year).
So for the decade or so I worked there, I greeted him as G-Man, which he seemed pleased with.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:45 AM on July 21, 2022 [8 favorites]
I never quite worked out which his name was and I reckoned that eventually someone would address him by it in my presence or refer to him but no one ever did (admittedly, I saw him only two or three times a year).
So for the decade or so I worked there, I greeted him as G-Man, which he seemed pleased with.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:45 AM on July 21, 2022 [8 favorites]
There’s a story in the first link about a woman’s breast falling out of her rennaissance fair costume at work and hitting a toddler in the face that had me WEEPING
posted by nouvelle-personne at 7:54 AM on July 21, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by nouvelle-personne at 7:54 AM on July 21, 2022 [6 favorites]
The keys on a lanyard that gets caught in the bathroom door…omg, the effort, and then the surrender.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 8:56 AM on July 21, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by TWinbrook8 at 8:56 AM on July 21, 2022 [4 favorites]
One time during an interview I was asked to name the person, alive or dead, that I would most want to have lunch with. I blurted out JonBenet Ramsay without even thinking of it.
As someone else who remembers that media frenzy, I will now have a hard time answering that question with anything else, inappropriate though it may be.
posted by TedW at 12:28 PM on July 21, 2022 [1 favorite]
As someone else who remembers that media frenzy, I will now have a hard time answering that question with anything else, inappropriate though it may be.
posted by TedW at 12:28 PM on July 21, 2022 [1 favorite]
One time during an interview I was asked to name the person, alive or dead, that I would most want to have lunch with.
“Hm. If those are my two options, I’d choose someone alive.”
posted by ricochet biscuit at 1:21 PM on July 21, 2022 [5 favorites]
“Hm. If those are my two options, I’d choose someone alive.”
posted by ricochet biscuit at 1:21 PM on July 21, 2022 [5 favorites]
Like a lot of people with anxiety issues I get very tense and tongue-tied when speaking on the phone, and avoid as much as possible. During certain times of the year it's unavoidable due to the speed and volume of incoming calls at work.
I do not work at the office of erections, no matter how many times my mouth says I do.
(I also have spellcheck set up to auto complete the second most used word in my communications to write COUNTY because I'm a wretched typist and sometimes have to respond very quickly to 50 emails on the fly.)
posted by ezust at 2:29 PM on July 21, 2022 [2 favorites]
I do not work at the office of erections, no matter how many times my mouth says I do.
(I also have spellcheck set up to auto complete the second most used word in my communications to write COUNTY because I'm a wretched typist and sometimes have to respond very quickly to 50 emails on the fly.)
posted by ezust at 2:29 PM on July 21, 2022 [2 favorites]
In that instant I simultaneously realized that was the CEO arriving early as usual, and the towel was most definitely still on my head.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 3:29 PM on July 21, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by TWinbrook8 at 3:29 PM on July 21, 2022 [2 favorites]
My favorite, VERY FAVORITE EVAR mortification stories are all from real life or podcasts, particularly the Risk podcast.
Feast your schadenfreude on Jillian Welsh's story or this other story, Act 3, episode 749 of This American Life.
Those two are so good they practically killed me.
posted by liminal_shadows at 3:41 PM on July 21, 2022
Feast your schadenfreude on Jillian Welsh's story or this other story, Act 3, episode 749 of This American Life.
Those two are so good they practically killed me.
posted by liminal_shadows at 3:41 PM on July 21, 2022
(the Jillian Welsh story is work-related if you squint--involving another actor/coworker and someone who has to interact with the situation at work. The other one is arguably something super awkward someone witnesses at work)
posted by liminal_shadows at 3:42 PM on July 21, 2022
posted by liminal_shadows at 3:42 PM on July 21, 2022
I have a handful of work stories that make me more identifiable than I'm comfortable with and a few I have hopes of publishing, so I had to rummage around until I finally found one I could share.
Probably one of the strangest mortifying moments was when I was making eyes at a butch security guard at my workplace, not realizing she was having an affair with my very, very married boss. They actually argued about whether or not I was gay. My boss said she didn't think so while the security guard, who well knew when someone was hot for her, said yes. The argument was settled in all directions one night when I caught them making out in the underground parking lot and they caught me driving away in a car with rainbow flag. I was incredibly embarrassed to have flirted hardcore with someone already in a love-triangle with my boss, and also chagrined I hadn't picked up on the vibe. You'd think the story would get less awkward after that. Nope, that was just the beginning.
My boss, who was being badly treated by both her lover and her husband, starting calling me at home and asking me to teach her how to be gay. Keep in mind I'd never given her my phone number. I had no clue what to do or how to respond, and the only thing I knew for sure was I couldn't be involved in that hornet's nest. I finally got transferred to another branch and she stopped calling or I feel like I might still be trapped in that particular circle of hell.
posted by liminal_shadows at 4:25 PM on July 21, 2022 [9 favorites]
Probably one of the strangest mortifying moments was when I was making eyes at a butch security guard at my workplace, not realizing she was having an affair with my very, very married boss. They actually argued about whether or not I was gay. My boss said she didn't think so while the security guard, who well knew when someone was hot for her, said yes. The argument was settled in all directions one night when I caught them making out in the underground parking lot and they caught me driving away in a car with rainbow flag. I was incredibly embarrassed to have flirted hardcore with someone already in a love-triangle with my boss, and also chagrined I hadn't picked up on the vibe. You'd think the story would get less awkward after that. Nope, that was just the beginning.
My boss, who was being badly treated by both her lover and her husband, starting calling me at home and asking me to teach her how to be gay. Keep in mind I'd never given her my phone number. I had no clue what to do or how to respond, and the only thing I knew for sure was I couldn't be involved in that hornet's nest. I finally got transferred to another branch and she stopped calling or I feel like I might still be trapped in that particular circle of hell.
posted by liminal_shadows at 4:25 PM on July 21, 2022 [9 favorites]
I got sent to negotiation training. We split off into 1:1 to negotiate. I reached out my hand to shake his hand. He had no hand. I shook the stump.
I won the negotiation.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 5:10 PM on July 21, 2022 [1 favorite]
I won the negotiation.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 5:10 PM on July 21, 2022 [1 favorite]
Let's see if my mortifying moment wound up in Mortification Week.
* Ctrl-f puppies and beanbags *
Oh yep, there it is. My most mortifying moment lives on!! Luckily, I have long since recovered and now look back at very young, inexperienced, idealistic and honest Gray Duck with love. I'd still like to work in an office with puppies, but I don't think my back could handle beanbags at my age!
posted by Gray Duck at 5:37 PM on July 21, 2022 [2 favorites]
* Ctrl-f puppies and beanbags *
Oh yep, there it is. My most mortifying moment lives on!! Luckily, I have long since recovered and now look back at very young, inexperienced, idealistic and honest Gray Duck with love. I'd still like to work in an office with puppies, but I don't think my back could handle beanbags at my age!
posted by Gray Duck at 5:37 PM on July 21, 2022 [2 favorites]
"JACK OFF EARLY"
posted by bendy at 8:01 PM on July 21, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by bendy at 8:01 PM on July 21, 2022 [1 favorite]
Many years ago, I changed my email's "from" name as a joke & forgot to change it back before sending a proposal to a potential client.
That's how "Xena Goddess of Fire" got her first freelance web design contract.
posted by belladonna at 6:30 PM on July 22, 2022 [7 favorites]
That's how "Xena Goddess of Fire" got her first freelance web design contract.
posted by belladonna at 6:30 PM on July 22, 2022 [7 favorites]
Many, many years ago, I worked as a contractor at a major auto manufacturer. My job was to provide system administration services to one part of the company but my boss would sometimes loan me out to other parts of the company that needed some help but didn't have a sustained need for a permanently funded position.
On one such occasion I had been loaned to a group that worked in the experimental vehicles division, where new designs were prototyped years ahead of their debut on the market. Because there was an obvious benefit to competitors if they could see what the company had in the pipeline well before it arrived, security in this facility was tighter than was typical for the rest of the company and, as a person who was not permanently assigned there, gaining entrance meant someone had to come out and meet me and escort me past security, so I couldn't just come and go.
I had started the process of installing a large software package that was going to take some time to complete, and since I couldn't easily return if I left the building and returned to my office on another part of the campus, I decided to kill the time while the install was progressing by going to the cafeteria in the building for a snack. It was the middle of the afternoon and the cafeteria was not very full but there were a few small work groups who had staked out tables and were discussing things in several places along the edges of the room.
I went up to the counter and grabbed a small plate of chocolate chip cookies from the snack array and a paper half-pint carton of milk sitting in a chilled bowl at the end of the counter and headed across the room towards an empty table. I was still walking across the room, approximately in the middle of the large space, when I took the first swig from the milk carton.
Did you know that when improperly stored milk goes sour, past the stage where clumps start to form, there's a stage where it can start to get, for lack of a better word, stringy? I had not known this, but rapidly learned it to my immediate regret.
My reaction was completely involuntary and reflexive. In the middle of room in a semi-secure facility where I knew nobody but the person I had been tasked to help that day, right in the center of a space where groups of strangers were working quietly and peaceably on various matters, I did a perfect spit take, spraying a cloud of vile, sour, stringy milk in front of me while incoherently and loudly vocalizing non-verbal sounds of complete disgust.
After a second or two had passed and I regained control of my reaction I looked up to see every face in the room turned in my direction and staring at me in confused fascination. I am certain that my mumbled "It was stringy," explanation made no sense to anybody but I was incapable, at that point, of explaining further.
posted by Nerd of the North at 2:16 PM on July 26, 2022 [3 favorites]
On one such occasion I had been loaned to a group that worked in the experimental vehicles division, where new designs were prototyped years ahead of their debut on the market. Because there was an obvious benefit to competitors if they could see what the company had in the pipeline well before it arrived, security in this facility was tighter than was typical for the rest of the company and, as a person who was not permanently assigned there, gaining entrance meant someone had to come out and meet me and escort me past security, so I couldn't just come and go.
I had started the process of installing a large software package that was going to take some time to complete, and since I couldn't easily return if I left the building and returned to my office on another part of the campus, I decided to kill the time while the install was progressing by going to the cafeteria in the building for a snack. It was the middle of the afternoon and the cafeteria was not very full but there were a few small work groups who had staked out tables and were discussing things in several places along the edges of the room.
I went up to the counter and grabbed a small plate of chocolate chip cookies from the snack array and a paper half-pint carton of milk sitting in a chilled bowl at the end of the counter and headed across the room towards an empty table. I was still walking across the room, approximately in the middle of the large space, when I took the first swig from the milk carton.
Did you know that when improperly stored milk goes sour, past the stage where clumps start to form, there's a stage where it can start to get, for lack of a better word, stringy? I had not known this, but rapidly learned it to my immediate regret.
My reaction was completely involuntary and reflexive. In the middle of room in a semi-secure facility where I knew nobody but the person I had been tasked to help that day, right in the center of a space where groups of strangers were working quietly and peaceably on various matters, I did a perfect spit take, spraying a cloud of vile, sour, stringy milk in front of me while incoherently and loudly vocalizing non-verbal sounds of complete disgust.
After a second or two had passed and I regained control of my reaction I looked up to see every face in the room turned in my direction and staring at me in confused fascination. I am certain that my mumbled "It was stringy," explanation made no sense to anybody but I was incapable, at that point, of explaining further.
posted by Nerd of the North at 2:16 PM on July 26, 2022 [3 favorites]
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posted by BrotherCaine at 2:29 PM on July 20, 2022 [17 favorites]