How E-girl influencers are trying to get Gen Z into the military

January 11, 2023 6:13 PM

Cosplay commandos are posting nationalist thirst traps to mobilise the SIMPs – but why?
posted by Etrigan (82 comments total)

yva neht nioj

(also I know it's in the original, but nobody capitalizes "simp", it's not an acronym!)
posted by BungaDunga at 6:19 PM on January 11, 2023 [27 favorites]

The flip side of the white feather, old wine in e-bottles. The IDF has been getting called out on its thirst traps for a while. Ukraine, more recently. The forces that do it know its 'cringe,' but it still manifests a certain undeniable cultural currency (in both senses).
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:25 PM on January 11, 2023 [3 favorites]

I'd trust the White Feather Brigade to put on a better camp show, frankly.
posted by Iris Gambol at 6:26 PM on January 11, 2023

are these girls actually in the army? Are the stunts real? Are their faces real? Is the war real?

[EXTREME BAUDRILLARD WARNING]
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 6:38 PM on January 11, 2023 [42 favorites]

imagine enlisting in the army to meet chicks
posted by ryanrs at 7:03 PM on January 11, 2023 [26 favorites]

Arguably far more unsettling than any 20th-century CIA covert ops, there’s no hush-hush to this operation.

Manganese nodules!
posted by clavdivs at 7:32 PM on January 11, 2023 [9 favorites]

I'd definitely want to field an army of guys who'd fall for this. /s
posted by klanawa at 7:34 PM on January 11, 2023 [22 favorites]

[EXTREME BAUDRILLARD WARNING]

(a thousand apologies...)

call her baudrillard the way she deleuze on my guattarri

posted by snuffleupagus at 7:41 PM on January 11, 2023 [17 favorites]

well, that is a string of words I never imagined would appear together and make sense to me.
posted by selenized at 7:47 PM on January 11, 2023 [11 favorites]

This is an interesting article. But:

The epitome of what Succession’s Roman Roy meant when he dreamed of a future with “E-girls with guns and Juul pods”, military-funded E-girl warfare is the latest symptom of a society run threadbare by neoliberalism, and it’s no far stretch to imagine more weird crossovers like this as conditions worsen.

"Neoliberalism is everything I dislike!"
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 7:53 PM on January 11, 2023 [26 favorites]

I guess this is an improvement over using social media to harass female service members.

In terms of unique recruiting methods, I remember a military recruiting both at Warped Tour, because fans of Bad Religion and Against All Authority were ripe to join to military.
posted by CostcoCultist at 8:01 PM on January 11, 2023 [12 favorites]

what the hell is that - these kids - let me find my glasses
posted by CynicalKnight at 8:19 PM on January 11, 2023 [1 favorite]

just waiting for the arrival of #jodytok
posted by bartleby at 8:23 PM on January 11, 2023 [10 favorites]

Zoomer Pinup?

I'm ok with that. Lots of really neat pinup art through the ages. Also semi-coopted for sexually transmitted diseases education.
posted by porpoise at 8:37 PM on January 11, 2023 [1 favorite]

imagine enlisting in the army to meet chicks

One contemplates the plot of Stripes (1981). P.J. Soles and Sean Young were ur-E-girls.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:40 PM on January 11, 2023 [10 favorites]

I want to know what the author thinks SIMP is an acronym for.
posted by axiom at 8:50 PM on January 11, 2023 [12 favorites]

"I joined the military after 9/11, I wanted to fight the terrorists. I was young, perhaps nineteen, when I found myself in Iraq, becoming disillusioned. These people didn't do 9/11, they never found the weapons of mass destruction. I was lied to. I decided to survive until I could go home, that's all I fought for, survival. I would never trust the government again. What about you?"

"They told me I could fuck catgirls. Liars."
posted by adept256 at 9:47 PM on January 11, 2023 [62 favorites]

I want to know what the author thinks SIMP is an acronym for.

Studious Inquirers of Military Policy, surely?
posted by Calvin and the Duplicators at 9:55 PM on January 11, 2023 [10 favorites]

I would never trust the government again. What about you?"

"They told me I could fuck catgirls. Liars."

Not that far from a handful of very popular vrchat confessional YT channels. Which are actually rather harrowing.
posted by snuffleupagus at 9:56 PM on January 11, 2023 [1 favorite]

I want to know what the author thinks SIMP is an acronym for.


This is almost certainly a backformation, but it comes up from time to time because the actual origins of "simp" are somewhat unclear.
posted by grobstein at 9:56 PM on January 11, 2023 [1 favorite]

I want to know what the author thinks SIMP is an acronym for.

Situation In My Pants?

There were boys at my high school who I am fully convinced joined the military with impressing the opposite sex being among their primary motivations.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 9:57 PM on January 11, 2023 [4 favorites]

Probably a derail, but 'simp' isn't that mysterious, it's the usual diffusion of AAVE into popular usage by teens and college kids by way of various subcultures. Though most of its users probably learn and say it without any awareness of that, now.
posted by snuffleupagus at 10:00 PM on January 11, 2023 [10 favorites]

Recruiters have been using underhanded, er, I mean unorthodox methods to increase enlistment for centuries.

I remember one harrowing afternoon at work with my officemate calling her teenage son over and over to try to get him to avoid signing anything until she got home. He had scored so low on the ASVAB that they normally wouldn’t take him, but the recruiter kept telling him they were running a special promotion that day where they would overlook his score if he signed right then and there. I finally convinced her to just go and that her boss would understand. It all turned out OK and she convinced him to wait.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:05 PM on January 11, 2023 [14 favorites]

Oh yeah, there are a lot of war stories that begin with some version of lying about their ages, lucky no-one checked.

BULLSHIT. They were happy to recruit child soldiers and those war stories are celebrated as well shucks he's just so brave he couldn't wait to turn 18, he bent the rules (not us).
posted by adept256 at 10:13 PM on January 11, 2023 [19 favorites]

Beautiful e-girls with malign purposes luring thirsty young men with promises, eh

ALL THE IRISH PEOPLE: 🎶 and her hair it hung over her shoulder / tied up with a black velvet band 🎶
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 10:51 PM on January 11, 2023 [23 favorites]

I always assumed that simp was related to either "simpering" or "simpleton."
posted by Scattercat at 12:11 AM on January 12, 2023 [14 favorites]

Well scientifically speaking, WIMPs, or Weakly Interacting Massive Particles, describes the hypothesis that dark matter is made of a bunch of particles that interact weakly with light. This would imply that the universe we do see is made of Strongly Interacting Massive Particles.

Therefore, everyone is SIMPs.
posted by Zalzidrax at 12:21 AM on January 12, 2023 [7 favorites]

I always assumed that simp was related to either "simpering" or "simpleton."

The old meaning of "simp" was definitely related to simple-mindedness, but they way the kids are using it these days seems to be much more specific.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I need to tie another onion on my belt and go wind up the victrola. That butter ain't gonna churn itself.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 1:09 AM on January 12, 2023 [20 favorites]

Sex Is Military Perk
posted by chavenet at 1:38 AM on January 12, 2023 [4 favorites]

🎶 and for recreation we went on a tramp / and met Sergeant Napier and Corporal Simp 🎶
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 3:31 AM on January 12, 2023 [9 favorites]

One nitpick: the stuff about late capitalism leading to the recruiting of poor young men isn't true. The American military wants healthy young people with some education and and clean legal record-- it isn't a likely way out of poverty any more.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 3:53 AM on January 12, 2023 [2 favorites]

i think military recruitment is 25 percent less than they want - they sound desperate
posted by pyramid termite at 4:17 AM on January 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

i think military recruitment is 25 percent less than they want - they sound desperate


Imperialism? In this economy?
posted by JohnFromGR at 4:32 AM on January 12, 2023 [8 favorites]

idk but sitting here 10 minutes after waking up, no coffee, this seems like a great idea for a character/story: the psy-op-running Official Army E-Girl who barely passed Basic, spends most of her career posting tiktoks but suddenly finds herself in a sort of military John McClain situation when The Shit Gets Real
posted by glonous keming at 4:46 AM on January 12, 2023 [36 favorites]

isn't that Tom Cruise's character at the begining of Edge of Tomorrow? Pretty much.
posted by thegirlwiththehat at 5:01 AM on January 12, 2023 [21 favorites]

There were boys at my high school who I am fully convinced joined the military with impressing the opposite sex being among their primary motivations.

The girls, they love to see you shoot.
posted by mhoye at 5:43 AM on January 12, 2023 [7 favorites]

Do these TikToks end with “would you like to know more?” Because that was supposed to be cynical parody, not an instruction manual
posted by caution live frogs at 5:48 AM on January 12, 2023 [18 favorites]

Also don’t know about the rest of you, but “waifu” to me feels like the grossest possible intersection of racial stereotyping, sexism, and cultural appropriation. Ugh.
posted by caution live frogs at 5:50 AM on January 12, 2023 [12 favorites]

The American military wants healthy young people with some education and and clean legal record-- it isn't a likely way out of poverty any more.

I dunno, maybe it isn't in practice, but they sure sell it like it is. Virtually every armed forces recruiting ad I see is all about how you're going to spend your time in service learning all sorts of valuable skills you can use after you're out, whether (supposedly) specific skills like "electronics and communication" or just general "keep a cool head under pressure" skills. Also a lot about how they'll pay for further education.
posted by soundguy99 at 6:38 AM on January 12, 2023 [5 favorites]

spends most of her career posting tiktoks but suddenly finds herself in a sort of military John McClain situation when The Shit Gets Real

corpse wearing a sweater with a message that reads "now i have a machine gun UwU"
posted by cortex at 7:00 AM on January 12, 2023 [12 favorites]

This is the worst timeline.
posted by Dysk at 7:10 AM on January 12, 2023 [4 favorites]

idk, this is stupid and bad, but a lot of the "look at how awful things are on TikTok!!!! 😱😱😱" stories that I see feel like someone yelling that the kids aren't consuming media the same way they consumed media back in the day. It's the same as the old complaints about television, cinema, music, and literature, going back to that time that one Greek guy grumbled that kids these days were paying too much attention to those newfangled books.

I'm not saying that because military e-girls are a net good for society, given that this sucks every kind of ass, but "attractive young women trying to sucker men into joining the military" is a flavor of propaganda as ancient as humanity. Every medium introduces interesting new twists, many shitty, in terms of how we engage with content—TikTok's veneer of "authenticity" or "personal connection" skeeves me out—but the fundamental issue, imo, remains one of literacy: we don't teach children how to critically remove themselves from [medium], and as a result they take [medium] too seriously. That is, until they develop a collective cynicism for [medium], which always happens too.

A lot of the revulsion that I see towards the e-girl/simp culture—not here, to be clear, but *waves hands all around*—feels like it comes from a place of people from an older culture encountering what feels like an uncanny simulacrum of what they once new. E-girls as a phenomenon take what were formerly "nerd aesthetics"—Too Online-ness, cosplay, a love of Japanese culture—and divorce their signs from what they originally signified. Seeing these things devoid of their original meaning awakens a lot of Old Crank in middle-to-older millennials, I find, in part because said millennials are too locked into their search for that older meaning to notice the newer meanings which have developed in their place. Which, again, is not to say that this isn't deeply bad and stupid, just that I think it's bad and stupid in the way that most of culture has always been bad and stupid. But that's what the more political flavors of absurdism have always known. It's just that nowadays, the absurd runs a hell of a lot closer to the surface.

“waifu” to me feels like the grossest possible intersection of racial stereotyping, sexism, and cultural appropriation. Ugh.

It's that old thing Pope Guilty said about scratching an ironic racist and finding actual racism just beneath the surface. "Waifu" as a concept is a little complex because it involves parodying/mocking people who'd actually get that into weeaboo escapism, but that's not to say it's not a flavor of weeb escapism itself. It's just a deluxe multilayered kind of appropriative racism now.

(I don't have a point here. I just find this culture endlessly interesting, and am also out of things to do at work.)
posted by Tom Hanks Cannot Be Trusted at 7:31 AM on January 12, 2023 [19 favorites]

Boomer here: The OP just seems to me like something by Robert Anton Wilson (Illuminatus!) with that combination of cynicism and salaciousness. I'm a bit surprised to see it in the real world, but this absolutely isn't the worst timeline, it's a combination of awful (not evenly distributed) and ridiculous.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 7:40 AM on January 12, 2023 [2 favorites]

I don't... I mean, I appear to be living in Cyberpunk, and that was always my least favourite SF. This is like something out of SNOW CRASH.

Oh well, I suppose it beats alien invasion. [closes browser]
posted by one more day at 7:45 AM on January 12, 2023 [3 favorites]

Does it though? Really?
posted by jquinby at 8:08 AM on January 12, 2023 [2 favorites]

Depends on the aliens.

A great story could be had if the aliens were the military John McClain situation when The Shit Gets Real.
posted by joannemerriam at 8:10 AM on January 12, 2023 [4 favorites]

It beats the psychic alien squid blowing up New York, definitely.
posted by Kikujiro's Summer at 8:10 AM on January 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

Roughly on a level with The 🍆 That Ate Chicago, though.
posted by Not A Thing at 8:45 AM on January 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

they sure sell it like it is. Virtually every armed forces recruiting ad I see is all about how you're going to spend your time in service learning all sorts of valuable skills you can use after you're out, whether (supposedly) specific skills like "electronics and communication" or just general "keep a cool head under pressure" skills. Also a lot about how they'll pay for further education.

Yes, because it's pitted against college so it has to advertise that you can compete on the same playing field after your time is done.

Also, I don't know why the idea that there are some hot girls (and hot guys) in the military, they speak positively about it, and do tiktoks is weird or a 'psy-op'.

imagine enlisting in the army to meet chicks
Nothing weird about that either. I have a friend who did exactly that while he was in the Navy in Hawaii. I kind of get the feeling that people think once you join you are immediately shipped over seas and spend your days shooting guns. No. Like 10-20% of the entire enlistment does that. So 80-90% are basically in the states (or overseas in some safe place, like Germany) living normal lives.
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:58 AM on January 12, 2023 [2 favorites]

OnlyFanatics.com to lead the WAP-pening Crusade.

LIKE, FOLLOW, AND KILL THE BARBAROUS INFIDELS
posted by NoThisIsPatrick at 9:18 AM on January 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

I'd like to thank Fiasco da Gama for invoking a brilliant tune

though, it always chokes me right up
posted by elkevelvet at 9:26 AM on January 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

The American military wants healthy young people with some education and and clean legal record-- it isn't a likely way out of poverty any more.

What it ideally wants and who it ends up recruiting may be a bit diconnected in my experience. And you can ask any vet at random whether military service has actually been a realistic path out of poverty in the last 50 years or so, regardless of the hype.
posted by aspersioncast at 9:26 AM on January 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

There's a whole subreddit dedicated to this philosophy.
posted by art.bikes at 9:49 AM on January 12, 2023

Maybe I'm missing something, but that seemed like a very dramatic way to describe how some of the army PR budget, in 2023, goes not just to war movies and TV series but also Tik Tok personalities.

Arguably far more unsettling than any 20th-century CIA covert ops

I mean, sure, the overthrow of the Guatemalan government or assassination of Allende was bad but I didn't expect the military to violate the sovereignty of my favorite online space!
posted by mark k at 9:57 AM on January 12, 2023 [8 favorites]

One barometer of aging is how many times you need to consult Urban Dictionary to understand a blog post.

(What’s a “blog,” grandpa?)
posted by sjswitzer at 10:04 AM on January 12, 2023 [3 favorites]

"attractive young women trying to sucker men into joining the military" is a flavor of propaganda as ancient as humanity

And the other side did it, too
posted by bag of teeth at 10:06 AM on January 12, 2023 [2 favorites]

it isn't a likely way out of poverty any more.

It'd sure be nice if they did a better job of letting poor kids know that.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:07 AM on January 12, 2023 [2 favorites]

Also, I don't know why the idea that there are some hot girls (and hot guys) in the military, they speak positively about it, and do tiktoks is weird or a 'psy-op'.

From TFA: "Lujan, who’s actually employed by the US army psy-ops division, posts countless TikToks and memes that play into this..."
posted by slogger at 10:16 AM on January 12, 2023 [9 favorites]

Is it wrong to comment The Simpson's already did it?
posted by jclarkin at 10:31 AM on January 12, 2023 [2 favorites]

Every poor kid I grew up with who joined the military got screwed out of his or her signing bonus because it was for a specific MOS they ended up not getting for this or that reason. Several got injured and their careers cut short, always in vehicle accidents instead of in action, and all of them ended up back at their mother's house in rural Tennessee with the same education and job prospects they started with.

The rich kids on the other hand? Doing great. I know a Navy doctor, an Air Force doctor, and an Army pilot who's just checking off the military service box on his resume before he enters politics. All doctor's kids, all officers from day one.

My father fought in Korea and told me he'd break my legs and make sure they never healed straight if I ever thought about joining the military.
posted by The Monster at the End of this Thread at 10:47 AM on January 12, 2023 [24 favorites]

I wish the article were a profile of Lujan; I don't feel like I know any more about her than I could get from looking at her Instagram feed. What's the sequence of events that led to her posting TikToks she filmed in what I would presume are fairly restricted spaces? Can anyone in the military post this stuff, or does she get permission? Is it encouraged? Does she get paid extra? What's her job when she's not doing stuff like this?
posted by The corpse in the library at 11:11 AM on January 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

Arguably far more unsettling than any 20th-century CIA covert ops

I mean, sure, the overthrow of the Guatemalan government or assassination of Allende was bad but I didn't expect the military to violate the sovereignty of my favorite online space!

I’m with mark k on this one. Call me when they start testing mind control drugs on these simps ala MK ULTRA.

….which gets me thinking, could e-girl bath water have psychedelic properties?
posted by vorpal bunny at 11:17 AM on January 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

What if the e-girls were the aliens, with a bunch of Tik Toks on How To Serve Simps?
posted by RobotHero at 11:19 AM on January 12, 2023 [2 favorites]

One contemplates the plot of Stripes

Au contraire!
posted by praemunire at 11:26 AM on January 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

From TFA: "Lujan, who’s actually employed by the US army psy-ops division, posts countless TikToks and memes that play into this..."


Is this what we are doing now? Her website is a single pinup picture and a jacket pin, the linked tiktoks are her doing makeup and the next one is eating, the third is trading uniforms. She has countless videos referencing psy-ops but they couldn't directly link even one? Except the one where she goes hard against college, like half the influencers in the US have (for ex: Mike Rowe of the old show Dirty Jobs) and who knows how many others.

That's pretty weak.
posted by The_Vegetables at 11:29 AM on January 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

The rich kids on the other hand? Doing great. I know a Navy doctor, an Air Force doctor, and an Army pilot who's just checking off the military service box on his resume before he enters politics. All doctor's kids, all officers from day one.

I started the audition process for the Sea Chanters because those benefits looked really great, but after one informal chat I was told not to bother continuing because you have to take the same physical as everybody else and there's no way I'd pass. In my head I was all, "No duh, that's why I want the health insurance." Overall I'm glad it didn't work out, though.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:45 AM on January 12, 2023

Is this what we are doing now?

Quoting the content and responding to other users? I mean, yeah?

I find it very believable that this is part of a military propaganda campaign designed for domestic consumption. It's widely known that the DoD has final sign-off on cultural products such as Top Gun: Maverick in exchange for access to big guns and neat-o airplanes. No doubt there are countless other "ops" the US Govt has aimed at its citizens, whether to boost enlistment, support $44B in emergency "defense exports" to Ukraine, or just to make Marines look cool. It's been going on since the days of Edward Bernays and Walter Lippmann. To think otherwise would be foolish.
posted by slogger at 12:51 PM on January 12, 2023 [3 favorites]

It's maybe a little bombastic to term all socially manipulative military PR a 'psyop,' but on the other hand the usage is pretty well established an in some cases justified, like with CIA arts funding in the cold war. 'Psyops' mean more than playing recordings of tank sounds from speakers in the trees etc. On the other hand, not every 'op' is a 'psyop.'
posted by snuffleupagus at 1:18 PM on January 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

> It's maybe a little bombastic to term all socially manipulative military PR a 'psyop'

While I agree, I don't think it's entirely without warrant to use the term. Sure, it's more benign COINTELPRO, but it is still essentially using psychology (through the lens of PR) to convince (or, one might argue, "manipulate") young people to join the military.
posted by asnider at 1:36 PM on January 12, 2023

I think the fact that her linkedin title is 'Psychological Operations Specialist at US Army' means that the US Army sees her propaganda role as a psyop. I'm a bit confused what else the term might refer to. She is engaging in operations, public relations operations, intended to manipulate people's opinions about the military. It's about as mask-off as it could be.
posted by crossswords at 2:52 PM on January 12, 2023 [3 favorites]

kinda feel like the Army shouldn't be doing 'ops' on us citizens, psy- or not
posted by ryanrs at 3:14 PM on January 12, 2023 [3 favorites]

I'm a bit confused what else the term might refer to

Something like the fake radio broadcasts that enabled a small force to overthrow of Guatemala's first democratic government. The Soviets would claim that the US were planting bombs in toys delivered to foreign countries during Christmas give aways. That sort of thing.

This stuff here just seems like standard advertising and PR tactics. The whole existence of "influencers" as a thing is a creation of the advertising industry. I don't see any reason to use a different word for it, which I think messes with people's intuitions.

Like all PR, you can discuss how gross or manipulative a specific approach is but this is not primarily a question where the main variable is whether it is military or not.
posted by mark k at 3:31 PM on January 12, 2023 [1 favorite]

Gee!! I wish I were a man, I'd join the Navy!
I want you for the Navy
If you want to fight / join the Marines
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 3:51 PM on January 12, 2023 [5 favorites]

.... the linked tiktoks are her doing makeup and the next one is eating, the third is trading uniforms. She has countless videos referencing psy-ops but they couldn't directly link even one

Lip Balm
posted by clavdivs at 5:07 PM on January 12, 2023

I just wanted to meditate on this sentence hard enough to send it back in time to Phil Dick:

cosplay commandos post nationalist thirst traps to mobilise the SIMPs, attracting the sort of impressionable reply guys and 4chan lostbois who message “OMG DM me🔥” on every post.
posted by doctornemo at 7:23 PM on January 12, 2023 [16 favorites]

That is truly a PKD-worthy sentence. I might also consider sending it back to John Brunner.
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 3:54 AM on January 13, 2023 [5 favorites]

John Brunner indeed, for his Zanzibar etc. books.

A bunch of New Wave and similar sf writers would have had a blast with this. Thinking Alice Sheldon/James Tiptree, JG Ballard, even Alfred Bester.
posted by doctornemo at 9:42 AM on January 13, 2023

Well scientifically speaking, WIMPs, or Weakly Interacting Massive Particles, describes the hypothesis that dark matter is made of a bunch of particles that interact weakly with light.

Proponents of this theory are known as WIMP simps.
posted by straight at 1:37 AM on January 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

all coming home from the war with incel-shock
posted by cortex at 9:59 AM on January 14, 2023 [2 favorites]

Cosplay commandos are posting nationalist thirst traps to mobilise the SIMPs – but why?

So I realize that all of these are words... in order... and yet...
posted by pelvicsorcery at 8:14 AM on January 15, 2023 [1 favorite]

*in Ice-T voice* Suckers Indulging Malicious Parasites
posted by yonega at 3:47 PM on January 16, 2023 [1 favorite]

Gee!! I wish I were a man, I'd join the Navy!

A local diner had a print of this poster on the wall when I was a kid. Just seeing the text is bringing back the most delicious fried onion smells.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:49 PM on January 16, 2023