Man takes woman to court for $3 million for refusing to date him

March 5, 2023 11:00 PM

A Singaporean man tried to date his female friend. When she refused, he took her to court for $3m. The man is seeking millions in damages from a woman he says caused him trauma by rebuffing his romantic advances and telling him she saw him only as a friend.
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries (36 comments total)

Christ, what an asshole.

This is the most Christ what an asshole thing. There is no more Christ what an asshole.
posted by away for regrooving at 11:15 PM on March 5, 2023 [83 favorites]

Some years ago I saw someone post, possibly here, that a lot of what we see as "News of the Weird" is often rather tragic and reflective of real injustices. This definitely falls on that category. This is stalking via lawsuit.

The good news is that one of this asshole's cases was already dismissed. The bad news is that he can't just be told to go fuck himself by the courts instead of getting to drag this poor woman through more litigation.
posted by emjaybee at 11:24 PM on March 5, 2023 [19 favorites]

I was hoping the article would say a little why this is different from any other case of someone not wanting to go out with a creepy guy, and why the court is even entertaining the notion that he is three million dollars worth of sad about it and that it’s her responsibility to fix/pay for. But no, it doesn’t.
posted by aubilenon at 11:30 PM on March 5, 2023 [7 favorites]

Woman takes man to court for $6 million for deciding to sue her
posted by Heywood Mogroot III at 11:50 PM on March 5, 2023 [32 favorites]

Surely this will make her reconsider. I hear wedding bells!
posted by Meatbomb at 12:03 AM on March 6, 2023 [17 favorites]

Woman takes man to court for $6 million for deciding to sue her

This seems like a no brainer. I don't know if this woman is the litigious type but she most definitely has grounds to countersue, at the very least to cover her lawyer's fees. (I am possibly making wrong assumptions about the Singapore court system, though).
posted by zardoz at 12:40 AM on March 6, 2023 [2 favorites]

Speaking as a lawyer (and part-time civil/family judge who has to deal with screening legal claims as part of routine paperwork) I am boggled that this hasn't been struck out yet. I notice that the man seems to have bought two cases, one of which has been struck out as an abuse of process, although that might be as much for duplicative proceedings as for lack of any cause of action.

Singapore's legal system is based on the English common law, so I can't see how this man has even begun to advance a coherent claim. It can hardly be in contract, because in English law you cannot contract for personal relationships. If it's framed as a tort claim for intentional infliction of emotional distress... well, I would say 'good luck with that' except the last thing I wish this chap is good luck.
posted by Major Clanger at 2:43 AM on March 6, 2023 [15 favorites]

honestly not sure why the Aussie press started picking up on it in a big way (this isn't the first time I'm seeing this news from an Australian-located friend), but I'm having trouble finding the local commentaries on this that came out when it first got reported locally a couple of months ago. anyway, the fella got clowned hard when the news broke. as deserved.
posted by cendawanita at 2:48 AM on March 6, 2023 [6 favorites]

Despite the threats, Ms Tan agreed to take part in counselling sessions to "help [Mr Kawshigan] come to terms with her decision to not pursue a romantic relationship with him".

But 18 months later, she felt the sessions had become "meaningless and futile" because Mr Kawshigan had appeared "unable to accept her reasons for not wanting any relationship or association with him".

Jesus, she gave this guy a year and a half of her time to try to help him feel better.

She is at least countersuing him, but only for less than $1500 for legal and security costs (terrible stalking details here).

It sounds like the lower court saw this guy for exactly what he is, but I wonder if so why it didn't make him pay her for damages:

"This court will not be an accessory to his calculated attempt to compel engagement from the Defendant who, after years of massaging the Claimant's unhappiness, has finally decided to stand up to his threats rather than cower and give in to his demands."

This is reminding me too much of more than one person.
posted by trig at 2:56 AM on March 6, 2023 [22 favorites]

This sounds like something the Bible was one verse away from approving. "According to Deuteronomy 22:31..."
posted by clawsoon at 3:25 AM on March 6, 2023 [3 favorites]

I was envisioning the lawyer’s late might TV commercials after the model of, “Have you been injured at work? Then you may be entitled to compensation!” — you know: “Are you a Nice Guy...”
posted by ricochet biscuit at 4:39 AM on March 6, 2023 [5 favorites]

Well, at least they can still be friends.
posted by AlSweigart at 5:48 AM on March 6, 2023 [8 favorites]

This is not a very friendly Friend Zone.

It sounds like a terrible situation for her, and I wish there was some kind of intervention available, whether court-ordered or via his friends (assuming he has any...) that could force him away from this path.

Although bringing a court case is unusual, this is just an extreme version of the "I did XYZ and therefore I deserve sex/companionship/a relationship from you" dynamic, where XYZ can be anything from "paid for dinner" to "didn't assault you" to "fooled you into thinking we had a solid platonic friendship."
posted by Dip Flash at 6:01 AM on March 6, 2023 [3 favorites]

I was thinking more the style of the in-your-face personal injury attorney commercials, ricochet biscuit

Scene: EXT - city street with a pink sports car, hazard lights blinking, Nice Guy looks on in apoplectic frustration

Big Brash Loud Attorney: HEY!!

pulls up in reverse at high speed in a tow truck, hooking up to the car with a loud clank

BBLA: NO PARKING IN THE FRIENDZONE! I’LL GET YOU THE RELATIONSHIP YOU DESERVE OR YOU DON’T PAY! CALL ME NOW!! 1-800-CHAD-LAW, THATS 1-800-CHAD-LAW!!
posted by dr_dank at 6:11 AM on March 6, 2023 [6 favorites]

this guy needs a comeuppance of Greek proportions

may a hell of Furies be visited upon him
posted by elkevelvet at 7:17 AM on March 6, 2023 [14 favorites]

Incels: Singapore Edition
posted by JohnFromGR at 7:45 AM on March 6, 2023 [8 favorites]

This is like some bizarro world version of the old Breach of Promise lawsuits.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:58 AM on March 6, 2023 [1 favorite]

I do not know how to look up the court documents here to confirm if he has a lawyer, but it distresses me to think an attorney helped this man harass this woman. If this isn’t just a guy suing pro se, it’s not one guy with a grudge, it’s multiple bad actors.
posted by alligatorpear at 9:09 AM on March 6, 2023 [15 favorites]

this guy needs a comeuppance of Greek proportions

Maybe even Persian?
posted by Token Meme at 9:24 AM on March 6, 2023

I do not know how to look up the court documents here to confirm if he has a lawyer, but it distresses me to think an attorney helped this man harass this woman. If this isn’t just a guy suing pro se, it’s not one guy with a grudge, it’s multiple bad actors.

It looks like this "claim"* comes after the woman in question got a protection order against him and filed suit for harassment, plus he's the CEO of a drone racing company, so signs point to him having counsel and them deciding this was the best strategy to counter her suits. Yep, fuckin' ugly, and multiple bad actors.

Where my head is going with this right now is 1. that I'm 99% certain that somewhere in the L.A. area some aspiring screenwriter is seeing this headline and trying to craft a romantic comedy around it, but 2. that while that spec script would have sold in the '90s, it at least probably won't go anywhere today. So hypothetical progress, maybe?

*I don't know what the Singaporean equivalent of US civil procedure's 12(b)(6) [Failure to state a claim] is, but I would surely think this falls under it? I hope?
posted by Navelgazer at 9:50 AM on March 6, 2023 [2 favorites]

Mod note: Couple of comments removed. Let's avoid wishing violence on people, per the Content Policy.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 10:07 AM on March 6, 2023 [3 favorites]

When a guy friend has had a crush on me and I didn't reciprocate, I have had to drop them as a friend. Every time. Once this situation happens, especially with persistent dudes, I've had to flee because they won't take no for an answer and staying in his life as a friend just meant he kept on keeping on. This guy is taking it to one of the farthest possible conclusions, clearly.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:33 AM on March 6, 2023 [10 favorites]

It can hardly be in contract, because in English law you cannot contract for personal relationships.

(Preface: I am not a lawyer, nor am I a legal historian.) Interestingly enough, I've seen excerpts from 16th-17th century legal cases of men suing women for leading them on. The one I recall best includes a description of some foreplay/sexual activity between a guy and a wealthy widow (I think the guy testified that she gave him a hand-job, not using that term of course) and argues that, being a woman of good moral character, she would only do such a thing with someone she intended to marry him or considered them all-but-married. I don't remember if the lawsuit was successful, or if any such were, but I imagine that such cases were allowed to proceed because, as it involves a contract, marriage goes beyond a strictly "personal relationship"?

Given that Alito cited the 17th century lawyer and vicious misogynist Matthew Hale* in the opinion overturning Roe v. Wade, I wouldn't be surprised if some MRA jerk-off tries to use such cases for legal precedent for harassing women.

*You may know Matthew Hale as the person who first articulated the idea in English common law that a married woman cannot be raped by her husband, which became an established precedent up through the early 1990s! Real class act, that Hale.
posted by Saxon Kane at 12:02 PM on March 6, 2023 [5 favorites]

Have you ever met a girl that you tried to date
But a year to make love she wanted you to wait?
posted by Sphinx at 12:40 PM on March 6, 2023 [1 favorite]

The therapist who facilitated 18 months of counseling also would benefit from assessing their perhaps unwitting but nonetheless unethical role in this.
posted by latkes at 1:21 PM on March 6, 2023 [27 favorites]

Can't find the actual court docs that these stories are based on, but from this and other media coverage it seems like the cause of action in the High Court is some combination of negligence (NIED) and defamation.

(Regarding that coverage, for those who might prefer to get their Singapore news from Singaporean sources, here is a fairly in-depth CNA article.)
posted by Not A Thing at 2:05 PM on March 6, 2023 [3 favorites]

Some men seem to think that they gave women their agency, and they are abusing it by using it. As if they gifted women's rights as a nice gesture so they can play with it for a bit but not really use it, especially against their liking. And when they do, they feel shocked and betrayed "I gave you the right, how could you use it against me!"
posted by poppypetalmask at 4:52 PM on March 6, 2023 [5 favorites]

What a fucktwaddle. To call this guy an arsehole is to insult arseholes the world over. As others have mentioned, it's almost worse that he's managed to convince a lawyer to help him with this fuckery and even more so that any court would consider such a claim for more than the few seconds it took to scrawl 'denied with prejudice' across the filing.
posted by dg at 5:13 PM on March 6, 2023 [1 favorite]

(Regarding that coverage, for those who might prefer to get their Singapore news from Singaporean sources, here is a fairly in-depth CNA article.)

This one is really good!

"The body of evidence collectively reveal his tendency to resort to legalese and raise threats of litigation to compel compliance from the defendant. While he had been successful before, it appears that the defendant is now resolved to stand up against his threats. Faced with the mounting evidence against him, the claimant has not provided any evidence in his bare affidavit to shine a different light on the picture painted," said Mr Tan.

Go get 'em, Magistrate Tan!

Reading between the lines a little, I guess Ms. Tan put up with this guy and his counseling charade, and even signed onto a bizarre performance improvement plan for her role in their "friendship," because he was menacing her with legal threats for years.

Which I have to say is so outlandishly abusive that I have trouble understanding it. Not, can there be a person that bad? Obviously there can. But, like, .... Why did it work? Was she right to be that afraid of him? Or was it more like, he was really really annoying but at first she could put up with it? Is there anything I should know about Singapore that will make this easier to get?
posted by grobstein at 8:02 PM on March 6, 2023 [2 favorites]

I could see a romantic comedy, but it would be the woman and her lawyer falling in love, not the woman and the litigant.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 8:14 PM on March 6, 2023 [2 favorites]

Is there anything I should know about Singapore that will make this easier to get?

There's a confluence of Christian evangelicalism that's been an ongoing bad news for women's rights in the country, that was making some inroads in the face of a highly rightist society that is prone to legal harassment (since they've learned it from the best, ie the government - there're reasons that there's no real opposition, one of them being they've declared bankruptcy following the many many libel and defamation suits launched by any number of ministers and ruling party people).
posted by cendawanita at 8:15 PM on March 6, 2023 [6 favorites]

Am I implying the local legal professionals then have a culture of not asking much of their clients who would like to file what seems to be nuisance suits?

...
...
...

:)
posted by cendawanita at 8:26 PM on March 6, 2023 [4 favorites]

If anyone's wondering where the updates are, it's probably because everything's still pending.

The Magistrate's Court case (breach of agreement to "improve" their relationship) appears to be the subject of an appeal. It's not clear whether the appeal is against the striking out decision by Judge Tan or against some other decision. It's scheduled to be heard on 10 March. If judgment is given there and then, it might be reported in the local news.

The High Court case (tort / defamation) appears to be scheduled for another case conference on 16 March. It's unclear if this was a rescheduling of the earlier case conference (there was one that was supposed to have been held in February).

From the way the hearing list item has been phrased, I gather the plaintiff is not represented, which is not going to go over well with the judges.

The above is accurate as at just now as I am writing this. The hearing lists are generally public information and are searchable.

"Fun" fact, the plaintiff's company also cancelled an event it was organising and stonewalled requests for a refund, leading to this article. I don't know what has happened since.
posted by theony at 10:33 PM on March 6, 2023 [3 favorites]

From theony’s link, re one of the performers for the event featured in event advertising:

The 28-year-old, who is also a social media influencer, said the organiser did not have permission to use pictures of her in its promotion, and was told four times to remove them but did not do so.

Seems to be a bit of a pattern with this bigot/misogynist.
posted by eviemath at 12:35 AM on March 7, 2023 [1 favorite]

It doesn’t sound like she actually was one of the performers - just that they put her on the flyers and claimed she was. “She found out about it when she saw her name on posters”. So, scammy scammy scam.
posted by tinkletown at 3:29 AM on March 8, 2023

Yes, exactly! And the poor woman this misogynist is suing is not his girlfriend, despite what he wants. His modus operandi seems to be attempting to steamroll over women and ignoring everything they tell him that he doesn’t want to hear.
posted by eviemath at 6:51 AM on March 8, 2023 [1 favorite]