A little baseball humor for opening day

March 30, 2023 1:39 PM

A Few More Last-Minute Baseball Rules Major League Baseball is adding a pitch clock, and if you're a baseball fan, you probably have strong feelings about this rule change. Reading this parody of MLB rule changes was a fun escape from the conversations about how the new MLB rules are ruining / saving the game.
posted by SituationNormal (15 comments total)

Go Giants!
posted by chavenet at 1:40 PM on March 30, 2023 [4 favorites]

I don't like the pitch clock. I love a dramatic low-scoring baseball game and wonder what this means for the playoffs especially. But I also admit to getting a little annoyed when I'm at a weeknight game and it's after 10 and I'm tired and need to get home and people including many here on this site act like it's the most egregious of offenses to leave early.

But I did go to a couple spring training games this year (highly recommended, the most wholesome form of baseball and a really fun vacation) and the pitch clock wasn't a huge deal. The batters, at least at the two games I attended, seemed to have adjusted pretty well. In one game there was one ball called as a result of the pitcher taking too long. In the other, one of our (White Sox) pitchers in particular seemed to have trouble adjusting his wind-up routine and gave up two balks, one of which resulted in a run.

I predict that we'll all get pretty used to it in short order, and there will be a percentage of traditionalists who rail against it for years and years (much like people do with the DH, which I give zero shits about). And that it will be a factor, if not THE deciding factor, in at least one playoff game which becomes a talking point for years to come.

Thanks for the article. I especially liked this one:

If you catch a foul ball, you are officially on the team. You must enter the batting order, and whoever hit the ball foul in the first place must take your seat and watch. Best of luck.

Yay baseball!!
posted by misskaz at 1:56 PM on March 30, 2023 [4 favorites]

"... there will be a percentage of traditionalists who rail against it for years and years..."

I will take my loathing of interleague play to the grave. This I vow.

Go Bucs!
posted by Capt. Renault at 2:00 PM on March 30, 2023 [9 favorites]

That was fun. Thank you for posting. My favorite:

If you catch a foul ball, you are officially on the team. You must enter the batting order, and whoever hit the ball foul in the first place must take your seat and watch. Best of luck.

As a fair-weather baseball fan, I'm okay with the (real) changes. Especially the clock.

Here's a good article from The Ringer: "The Forgotten History Of MLB's Pitch Clock":

Once upon a time, when the world moved more slowly and baseball moved more quickly, speed was one of the sport’s selling points. “From the moment the first striker takes his position and poises his bat, it has an excitement and vim about it, until the last hand is put out in the ninth inning,” wrote the Brooklyn Daily Times in an 1866 account of baseball’s preeminence among American outdoor sports. “There is no drag, but all activity from beginning to end; and if one feels disposed to leave the ground temporarily, he will generally waive his desire, especially if it is a close contest, from fear of missing some good point or clever effort of the trial.”

My main sport is tennis, another sport that 1) often frustrates fans with idle time between points, 2) is allergic to rule changes, and 3) has implemented a play clock to speed up matches. I like it. My favorite players have often moved quickly to the next serve, and some of my least favorite like to lollygag to the point of gamesmanship. Exceptions on both sides exist, of course.
posted by Caxton1476 at 2:17 PM on March 30, 2023 [1 favorite]

most egregious of offenses to leave early

It is allowable, but just barely, and only with express written permission of the Pope of Baseball.

Don't try any of that implicit verbal permission stuff.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 2:45 PM on March 30, 2023

pitch clock
time clock
batter, batter, go.
posted by clavdivs at 3:13 PM on March 30, 2023 [1 favorite]

And that it will be a factor, if not THE deciding factor, in at least one playoff game which becomes a talking point for years to come.

This is going to be excellent for those of us who enjoy the sport of schadenfreude. I hope this crucial pitch clock violation happens to a team with a really whiny fan base. In honor of opening day, I will refrain from making suggestions about which fan bases would be funniest for this to happen to.

Cubs and O's both won today, so season is off to a good start for me!
posted by the primroses were over at 3:27 PM on March 30, 2023 [2 favorites]

I played the Lee Elia rant aloud today, as has been my Opening Day tradition for decades.

I like Banana Ball, and encourage its exposure and spread, but perhaps not at the major league level. I am classifying this season as a Baseball-Like Substance and hoping that next year will be saner.
posted by delfin at 3:36 PM on March 30, 2023

We don't get as much vim as we used to.
posted by kirkaracha at 3:58 PM on March 30, 2023 [1 favorite]

I love interleague play because that means my Twins get to play the Brewers and those games can get just INTENSE!
posted by Ber at 6:54 PM on March 30, 2023 [1 favorite]

I’m a big fan on the pitch clock. In spring training it shortened games by 25 minutes on average vs last year’s spring training. I think it’s going to result in better play, because if you watch pitchers now they get into a rhythm. Catcher throws them the ball, they take a few steps around the mound, walk up and get set, and then throw the next pitch, lather, rinse, repeat. Batters have to be ready by the time 8 seconds are left. The game moves like it did in the 70s-80s. This is a good thing.
posted by azpenguin at 9:32 PM on March 30, 2023 [1 favorite]

I have from a league insider that the bases haven't been "made larger." Instead they've been "published in a new large-format edition" meant to appeal to the boomers who now comprise the league's primary only demographic.
posted by 7segment at 10:49 PM on March 30, 2023 [1 favorite]

Just got back from A's/Angels. Man I'm happy baseball is back. I always feel odd before the season starts for a few reasons, but I love that it's back and the stadium was packed. Just a great time.
posted by Carillon at 12:01 AM on March 31, 2023

👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻–👏🏻–👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻–👏🏻
posted by ob1quixote at 7:26 AM on March 31, 2023

“I Hope You Find Your Baseball,” Parker Molloy, The Present Age, 31 March 2023
posted by ob1quixote at 8:26 AM on March 31, 2023 [1 favorite]