An overload of Mystery Science Theater musical moments
December 6, 2010 5:22 PM   Subscribe

During the show's history Mystery Science Theater did many musical bits. Topless Robot recently linked to the "13 best" Mystery Science Theater 3000 songs. It's not a bad list, although there are some notable exclusions. About those, click through....

But why rely on that Topless Robot list when you have THIS, which is not a complete list of every song or substantial song reference MST ever did, but is the great majority of them. Especially good bits are marked with an asterisk. Many of these are direct links inside MST3K episodes on YouTube; it's up to you to close those when the song is done (or alternatively, why not keep watching, won't you?).


*Clay & Lar's Flesh Barn (104 Women of the Prehistoric Planet, "If you're tired of the same old fare/you've got a friend in Clay and Lar/all our meat is guaranteed rare/'cause we don't cook it!")
*Sidehackin' (202 The Sidehackers, "Sidehackin' is one big bash/the favorite sport of cheap white trash")
*Only Love Pads the Film (202 The Sidehackers, with Gypsy as backup)
*Tom Servo's Ode to Creepy Girl (204 Catalina Caper, the first of many bot infatuations)
If Chauffeurs Ruled The World (206 Ring of Terror)
Wild Rebels Cereal Commercial (207 Wild Rebels, like getting hit on the back of the neck with a surfboard of flavor)
Godzilla Genealogy Bop (213 Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster, starring Karl Malden's nose)
*Tibby, Oh Tibby (302 Gamera, do you believe a robot just sang a love song to a turtle?)
*Idiot Control Now (303 Pod People, a close remake of a scene from the movie, right down to Frank's shirt)
*Clown in the Sky (303 Pod People, "Tom, if you don't stop doing your Anthony Newley I'm going to throw you against the wall.")
*The Sandy Frank Song (306 Time of the Apes, rumor has it this song was what got Sandy Frank mad at Best Brains and is why we can't get MST Gamera episodes on DVD to this day)
The Pants-Up Song (307 Daddy-O, one of two MST songs devoted to the humble pants, this one ends with one of Joel's "vapor lock" episodes)
*Fugitive Alien Medley ("He Tried To Kill Me With A Forklift") (310 Fugitive Alien, I've been fascinated with Star Wolf, the show this movie is taken from, for a while, partly due to the excellent music)
Celebrity Siblings (311 It Conquered The World)
*The Bike Song, a.k.a. The Annoying Cornjob Song (312 Gamera vs. Guiron, "We're gonna ride our bicycles/we're gonna go and have some fun" -- that's just how it starts)
Slow the Plot Down (314 Mighty Jack, arrrrr)
***Gamera (312 Gamera vs. Guiron), and more Gamera (316 Gamera vs Zigra, the Gamera theme ruled the show for two entire episodes. The MST take on the song actually originated in the KTMA days!)
The Waffle Song (317 Viking Women vs. The Sea Serpent, the capper to an episode-long obsession with waffles)
***Patrick Swayze Christmas (321 Santa Claus Conquers The Martians, one of two MST Christmas songs and gloriously random)
*Master Ninja Theme Song (322 Master Ninja, they actually sing this nearly from the moment they emerge from the theater until the end of the credits, including throughout the ritual reading of the letter)
Morrissey Sings "Hairdresser in a Coma" (403 City Limits)
*Oh, Kim Cattrall (403 City Limits, Crow's remark about Cattrall's dress at the ACE awards, as mentioned by the MST newsletter at the time, comes from direct exposure when the Brains went to the awards after having been nominated -- they lost to Dream On)
*I'm a Danger to Myself and Others (406 Attack of the Giant Leeches, about how rednecks are asked to do the dangerous work in the movie)
*Tribute to Pants (410 Hercules Against the Moon Men, the other MST pants song, if you want to know what "Deep Hurting" is you'll have to watch the whole episode)
Happy Thoughts (414 Tormented, "I'm having Libbyland dinners for breakfast/and King Vitaman for dinner")
Gypsy Moons (417, Crash of the Moons, Crow and Tom sing a love song to an irate Gypsy)
*What a Failure (422 The Day the Earth Froze, Joel and the bots sing along to the "celebration" song in the film)
Gypsy Rose -- Me (422 The Day the Earth Froze, Gypsy's one-woman show)
Hired, the Musical (423 Bride of the Monster, "I got a job today/I'm selling Chevrolet/I'm taking home good pay")
Look at my Thorax (506 Eegah, tequila.)
***Are You Happy in Your Work? (507 I Accuse My Parents, Joel and co don't actually sing in this but it's still a brilliant bit)
*What a Pleasant Journey (509 The Girls in Lovers Lane, this one jumps the rails at the end in more ways than one)
*The Turkey Day Song, done for a Comedy Central commercial, which once upon a time was stuck in my head for nearly an entire month


The Janitor Song (514 Teenage Strangler, one of the first songs with Mike as host)
*My Wild Irish Ireland (516 Alien From L.A., proving it's not just the bots who have unhealthy obsessions)
***Toobular Boobular Joy (519 Outlaw, one of their best songs, mildly NSFW)
Whispering Christmas Warrior (521 Santa Claus, or "Santa Klaus")
*Merry Christmas, If That's Okay (521 Santa Claus, the other MST Christmas song)
*Tribute to Doughy Guys (522 Teen-Age Crime Wave, notice in the scroll of doughy guys at the end they playfully add in TV's Frank)
Mystos (522 Teen-Age Crime Wave, mockery of Mentos commercials from the time)
Endless Frank (523 Village of the Giants, actually a tribute to Frank Zappa -- end credits version)
*Servo's Scat (601 Girl's Town)
*Cosmic Freight Train (603 The Dead Talk Back, Crow's guitar solo was also played during the end credits of this one)
Nummy Muffin Coocol Butter (605 Colossus & The Head Hunters)
*Livin’ in Deep 13 and Theme Songs (610 The Violent Years, Tom Servo/Kevin Murphy really gets into this one)
***The United Servo Academy Men's Chorus (612 The Starfighters, one of the most amazing host segments they ever did, Kevin Murphy singing with himself in many-part harmony)
Poopy Suits and The Poopy Suit Anthem (612 The Starfighters, a loathsome movie containing a bizarre interlude)
*The Bouncy Upbeat Song(619 Red Zone Cuba)
*Who Will I Kill? (624 Sampson vs. The Vampire Women, Dr. Forrester's lament for the departing TV's Frank)
Gypsy’s Telephone Song (701 Night of the Blood Beast)


***When I Held Your Brain In My Arms (807 Terror From the Year 5000, crooning from the Observers)
Servo Sings of the 70s (814 Riding With Death)
Sodium! (817 Horror of Party Beach, the solution to the monsters in the movie turns out to be sodium and they won't shut up about it)
*Tom Servo's Song About Stock Footage (819 Invasion of the Neptune Men, short but sweet)
***Public Pearl presents "When Loving Lovers Love" (822 Overdrawn at the Memory Bank, a dead-on parody)
Where, O Werewolf (904 Werewolf, the guys form a girl band)
***TUSK! (904 Werewolf, this one's sung in the theater)
Please Stay (905 The Killer Bees, Pearl and Bobo try to convince Observer to stay with them, among the reasons given: ham. And string.)
*The Hobgoblins "Song" (907 Hobgoblins, look out now, you little doodad)
*The Canada Song (910 Final Sacrifice, mustn't hate so overtly)
***Aire on a Delta Knight (913 Quest of the Delta Knights, more multi-part harmony with Servo, Servo, Servo and Servo)
I Am Sad, with leadup (1002 Girl in Gold Boots, after our draft-dodging hero in the movie sings a sad song, Mike pines away while it somehow rains outside in space)
*The Legend of Bobo Creek (1006 Boggy Creek 2: And the Legend Continues, by country legend Hank Brain Guy Jr.)
*To Earth (1013 Diabolik, the last musical number, cuts off at the end unfortunately, the last few seconds are in the following video)

Just a few random extras: What's the Deal with 'The Pina Colada Song'? - The many names of David Ryder - Orville Popcorn - Mike & company provide some local color - Joel's Diabolical Plan

This list would contain Crow's wonderful "Ode to Estelle," (411 The Magic Sword) except that NBC Universal has blocked it on copyright grounds, possibly because it contains a still image from The Magic Sword, which is available on the "OpenFlix" advertising channel. Feh.

Of tremendous aid in compiling this: Satellite News, Ward E, MST3K Wiki, and YouTube of course
posted by JHarris (61 comments total) 172 users marked this as a favorite
Wow. And thanks.
posted by vrakatar at 5:23 PM on December 6, 2010

Amazing effort! This will be digested with love over the holidays. Thanks JHarris!
posted by erebora at 5:36 PM on December 6, 2010

that favorite I gave you was entirely for "idiot control now" which I had forgotten about. The rest is good clean fun, but "idiot control now" is something people should know about.
posted by ServSci at 5:36 PM on December 6, 2010 [3 favorites]

I am going to name my first born JHarris. Thank you so much.
posted by munchingzombie at 5:37 PM on December 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

Yeah, The Turkey Day song is still stuck in my head, 19 years later.

This is awesome.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:37 PM on December 6, 2010

I am also going to name munchingzombie's first born JHarris.
posted by maxwelton at 5:38 PM on December 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

I don't know if it counts, but there's also Tom Servo's translation of Jack Frost's song in Jack Frost (#813, aka Frodo gets drunk and screws with his neighbors).

"It's colder than a bucket of penguin poop, it's colder than a polar bear's butt. The dogs are sticking to the fire hydrants..."
posted by dirigibleman at 5:40 PM on December 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

Well done, JHarris!
posted by steambadger at 5:45 PM on December 6, 2010

This post? Why it's...

An arealogical, autoerotical, toobular boobular joy,
An exposular-regional, batchical-pouchular fun for girl and boy.
A latissimal-dorsical, hung-like-a-horsical, calipyligical ball,
The most bunular-funular,
Post of them aaaaaallllllllll!
posted by Horace Rumpole at 5:47 PM on December 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

I found the original list quite lacking (I mean how could you not have "The Canada Song" in the top ten?) Very well done!
posted by Captain_Science at 5:53 PM on December 6, 2010

I'm going to have to look through this list in great detail. MST3k is amazing.

(Fun fact - my surf band covered 'Master Ninja Theme Song' as an encore at their first gig)
posted by Dysk at 6:01 PM on December 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

Brother Dysk: We must have MP3s of this.
posted by JHarris at 6:02 PM on December 6, 2010

Wow, I'd never heard TUSK (sci-fi years) and I think I'm going to go ahead and listen to it about 63 more times.
posted by moxiedoll at 6:05 PM on December 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

Tribute to Pants! Sandy Frank! Yes!!! Great FPP, JHarris.
posted by Marla Singer at 6:09 PM on December 6, 2010

I know I'm ready to have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year.
posted by SNWidget at 6:13 PM on December 6, 2010 [2 favorites]

YES. I was just recently serenaded at work with a medley of "Sandy Frank" and "He Tried to Kill Me With a Forklift."

It was beautiful. And this, this is beautiful.
posted by louche mustachio at 6:14 PM on December 6, 2010

I hate how much I love you right now.
posted by The Whelk at 6:24 PM on December 6, 2010 [4 favorites]

I sing whenever I sing whenever I sing...
posted by furiousxgeorge at 6:30 PM on December 6, 2010

Nice post.
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posted by Wolfdog at 6:36 PM on December 6, 2010 [24 favorites]

I scrolled down to get the link to Canada Song because there are no finer lyrics penned by man or bot than "'Cuz where the hell does Ca-na-da get off shar-ing a border/With countries far su-per-i-or to iiiiiit??"
posted by DU at 6:52 PM on December 6, 2010

We mus't hate

well at least not so overtly.
posted by The Whelk at 6:53 PM on December 6, 2010

Oh man, I forgot that was the same episode as Zap Rowsdower. I once tormented a 2 year old all day by saying "rowsdower!" to him over and over. Finally he sobbed "no! no rowdowdow!" to me and I relented.
posted by DU at 6:55 PM on December 6, 2010 [10 favorites]

Everyone knows the Joel years had the best songs.....

Simmer down!! I love them all.

Last month I threw out ALL of my video tapes. I had season 1 through 3 and some KTMA stuff. Just tossed em'. Now that Netflix is streaming them and my 10 year old daughter and I are watching them together and laughing, I really regret it. She loves "Creepy Girl" and Tom's voice in general. My favorite songs are the ones he "makes up" on the spot like "TV Car Chase" from Master Ninja and the song he sings during the short "Day at The Circus." Floors me every time.

Thanks for posting these!
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 7:07 PM on December 6, 2010

Aw, no Secret Agent/Super Dragon? It has such hypnotic simplicity; I still occasionally find myself humming it.
posted by orrnyereg at 7:13 PM on December 6, 2010

posted by The Whelk at 7:15 PM on December 6, 2010

posted by furiousxgeorge at 7:17 PM on December 6, 2010 [3 favorites]

I SEE NO "SODIUM" -- oh, wait, there it is!!!

You kids with your big pants, and your colored chalk, and your Neve Campbell, and your fanny packs, and your Nerf balls...
posted by Madamina at 7:40 PM on December 6, 2010

I love you.
posted by Put the kettle on at 7:43 PM on December 6, 2010

how many times a year does the average mst3k fan say "Water, nature's liquid?" 30? a hundred?
posted by The Whelk at 7:48 PM on December 6, 2010

For me it's "Jupiter! America's Dairyland!" basically everytime Jupiter is mentioned. It's gone from being a joke to a sort of nervous tic.
posted by gamera at 8:56 PM on December 6, 2010

Torgo theme: It's difficult to pick a good example of that really. Anyway, it features in several episodes.

Super Dragon: Argh, missed that one.

I also knowingly skipped the singing to the marching band song at the beginning of Mr. B. Natural. ("C'mon and buy some crap from us/You know that you want to/And the white race will salute you/As we prance and gad about! Ba-rum-pum-pa-tum!") I skipped it because A. it's really not very long, and B. it is grossly overshadowed by the nuclear comic force of what follows.
posted by JHarris at 9:18 PM on December 6, 2010

I took a quick look over at youtube to try and find Gypsy's short Greco-roman number in Hercules Unchained - The one where she tunelessly wails "Last Niiiiiiiight!" while whacking her lyre. No luck yet.

Still, amazing post. Favorited so damn hard. Now I just have to decide which Gamera theme goes on my profile page.
posted by gamera at 9:33 PM on December 6, 2010 [2 favorites]

Lousy, stinking, francophonic, bacon-loving bastards!
posted by neushoorn at 11:03 PM on December 6, 2010

I too sing the Turkey Day song every... Turkey Day. Thanks for a fantastic collection.
posted by doctoryes at 11:25 PM on December 6, 2010

Finally he sobbed "no! no rowdowdow!" to me and I relented.

Long ago I got my 5 year old nephew to call all magazines/clips for guns the "dow dow dow dow dow attachment" when he saw them on TV, thanks to 'Danger!! Death Ray'.

Thank you, Danger!! Death Ray, for letting us laugh at goofy-looking European spies who look like the love child of Michael Caine and Andre the Giant, and to only use my Death Ray for PEACEFUL PURPOSES.

I still find myself singing the "Bap-Bah-Dap-Bah-Dah-Dah" song from time to time.
posted by chambers at 12:25 AM on December 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'll throw this in here, though they don't actually sing it - the "translation" of the Jet Jaguar theme song from Godzilla vs. Megalon.

He jock it made of steel
Eats sushi from a pail
Jet Jaguar? Jet Jaguar!
He mother never really love him

He crimefighting covers up a basic insecurity
He dickey covers up an Adams apple the size of a Toyota
He basically good-hearted but he'd like to smash that kid against a rock
Knock! Knock! Knock!
Who's there?

His head looks like Jack Nicholson
Don't smile like that, it will stay that way
Don't touch my bags if you please, Mr. Customs Man.
posted by SNWidget at 4:03 AM on December 7, 2010 [7 favorites]

Hail Truck Farmer!
posted by drezdn at 5:39 AM on December 7, 2010

Oh and since I do it in EVERY mst3k Thread.

Fun With Shorts
- the best MST3K-style thing out there
posted by The Whelk at 5:50 AM on December 7, 2010

I wish Netflix would hurry up and get the rest of the episodes up and streaming.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:02 AM on December 7, 2010

Hyum diddy diddy... hooa hooa
Hyum diddy diddy... hooa hooa
posted by cog_nate at 6:10 AM on December 7, 2010

PS - stingers:
Season 5
Season 6
Seasons 7 and 8
Season 10
posted by cog_nate at 6:35 AM on December 7, 2010

PPS - Season 9
posted by cog_nate at 6:36 AM on December 7, 2010

The Sandy Frank Song yt (306 Time of the Apes, rumor has it this song was what got Sandy Frank mad at Best Brains and is why we can't get MST Gamera episodes on DVD to this day)

No longer true. Also, click that link for a photo of Sandy Frank that will make your blood run cold.
posted by AugieAugustus at 7:27 AM on December 7, 2010

Last month I threw out ALL of my video tapes. I had season 1 through 3 and some KTMA stuff. Just tossed em'.

Oh. Dear. God.

Please don't tell me you threw away copies of the first three episodes (K01, K02, K03)...
posted by hippybear at 7:32 AM on December 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

When you're done watching these, go to the shorts thread.
posted by almostmanda at 7:38 AM on December 7, 2010

She loves "Creepy Girl" and Tom's voice in general.

Oh, Creepy Girl...
won't you be mi-i-ine?
I'll give you scrolls and fish,
and tinker toys, and wi-i-ine.
posted by steambadger at 7:40 AM on December 7, 2010

Erratum: The Wild Rebels link is a repeat of If Chauffeurs Ruled the World.

The actual Wild Rebels link.
posted by steambadger at 7:47 AM on December 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Poopy Suits! I laughed until I cried the first time I heard that.
posted by heatvision at 7:50 AM on December 7, 2010

*The Turkey Day Song, done for a Comedy Central commercial, which once upon a time was stuck in my head for nearly an entire month

posted by clavicle at 8:24 AM on December 7, 2010

("He Tried To Kill Me With A Forklift")

How many years has it been since this aired? Because I still get this damn song stuck in my head all the time. No good reason for it either; I'm not in danger of being killed, there are no forklifts present. But I'll be walking through the office and BAM! There it is, in my head. Begging to be sung at the top of my lungs.

I actually kind of resent them for this. I have never, in my life, created anything with this kind of pernicious staying power or infectious effect. (Ok, maybe by resent I mean "am deeply jealous of...")
posted by quin at 8:26 AM on December 7, 2010

I would be remiss if I didn't post a link to This guy KEEPS CIRCULATING THE TAPES albeit in DVD form; also, he won't send you DVDs of any episodes that are currently* available by commercial means. You can trade or buy. I can and do personally vouch; this is me vouching.

So for those of you that need to complete and/or repopulate your collections: enjoy.

* = Meaning if you wanna get your Gameras cheaper than what Shout is gonna be offering, this is the way to go.
posted by AugieAugustus at 9:00 AM on December 7, 2010

steambadger: Dammit. That should be fixed. Any mods around?

On the show's awesomeness: MST3K was an integral part of my childhood. To me, the fact that the show, or anything like it, is no longer on the air is almost a crime. Its existence proved the world was awesome. When it went off the air, it in large part was my own farewell to TV.
posted by JHarris at 10:48 AM on December 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

It's going to be tough to fit these in while fighting crime in southwestern Alberta, but somehow I'll manage.

(and yes, the "canada song" is the best one they ever did. simply epic. you clearly have to bow to my authority on this one.)
posted by zap rowsdower at 10:49 AM on December 7, 2010

Creepy Girl was always my favorite. And I endured the Mike years, but I'd rather watch the worst Joel episode than most Mike episodes.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:30 PM on December 7, 2010

zap rowsdower: Man, that makes me want to create sock puppets named Mitchell, Ortega and Torgo so we can have crime-fighting adventures together.
posted by JHarris at 2:34 PM on December 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Update on steambadger's fix, cortex has corrected the Wild Rebels link! Thanks Tex!
posted by JHarris at 2:38 PM on December 7, 2010

I always sing the "Pull Up Your Pants" song to young, pants-dragging dudes walking around L.A. (And by "sing... to," I mean, sing in my head while smiling politely as I walk by.)
posted by Kloryne at 4:43 PM on December 7, 2010

Also, thank you for this awesome post. Perfect timing for the holiday funk.
posted by Kloryne at 4:44 PM on December 7, 2010

This is a YTMND link, and I'm sorry for that, but it was the only source I could (easily) find for all of the Pumaman songs.

Aw, who am I kidding? I can't build a cat.
posted by maryr at 2:58 PM on December 10, 2010

I searched through the post and comments and didn't find these. Here are two more Mike-era musical skits:
Swing Choir contest (Episode 609, The Sky Divers)
Supercalifragilistic-expialawacky (Episode 617, The Sword and the Dragon)
posted by cog_nate at 6:16 PM on December 12, 2010

Ah! Good finds, thanks cog_nate!
posted by JHarris at 1:30 PM on January 2, 2011

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