Wahhhh! WAAAHHHHHH!!!1~
April 19, 2023 9:47 AM Subscribe
Hate babies crying on the plane? Want to listen to your tunes instead of the brat screaming in the back of the car? BabyMute is here to save the day!
Back in MY day, they just put a little whiskey in our bottles to stop us crying! AND WE GREW UP TO BE THE GREATEST GENERATION.
posted by mittens at 9:56 AM on April 19, 2023 [20 favorites]
posted by mittens at 9:56 AM on April 19, 2023 [20 favorites]
I kept waiting for the parody police to pop up, but they never did...now I'm concerned.
posted by halfbuckaroo at 10:03 AM on April 19, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by halfbuckaroo at 10:03 AM on April 19, 2023 [3 favorites]
I'm missing part of it. "Dr. York Hunt" and "Dr. Michael Lit" are obvious, but "Brad Gosse"?
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 10:15 AM on April 19, 2023 [8 favorites]
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 10:15 AM on April 19, 2023 [8 favorites]
Brad Gosse appears to be the actual comedian who made the site.
posted by gurple at 10:27 AM on April 19, 2023 [9 favorites]
posted by gurple at 10:27 AM on April 19, 2023 [9 favorites]
Now I want to see Gosse extend the bit with an Impractical Jokers-style video of him trying to get parents on flights to put these on their babies.
posted by ejs at 10:57 AM on April 19, 2023
posted by ejs at 10:57 AM on April 19, 2023
Doesn't really look effective to me; a strip of duct tape works better.
Also it's my experience that parents of 'the brat screaming' aren't receptive to solutions like these.
posted by Rash at 10:58 AM on April 19, 2023 [3 favorites]
Also it's my experience that parents of 'the brat screaming' aren't receptive to solutions like these.
posted by Rash at 10:58 AM on April 19, 2023 [3 favorites]
"You meewey adopted the dawk; I was born in it."
posted by stevil at 11:08 AM on April 19, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by stevil at 11:08 AM on April 19, 2023 [6 favorites]
As one redditor commented, do they come in adult sizes?
posted by HumanComplex at 11:10 AM on April 19, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by HumanComplex at 11:10 AM on April 19, 2023 [5 favorites]
It’s my experience that people who complain about babies crying on planes are usually entirely unsympathetic to the idea that parents might -have- to take this child on the uncomfy flying bus that makes scary loud noises and causes pressure headaches and want to assume the parents are frivolously ignoring said crying child while on the way to a luxury vacation instead of on the way to say a funeral or emergency move.
posted by FritoKAL at 11:10 AM on April 19, 2023 [14 favorites]
posted by FritoKAL at 11:10 AM on April 19, 2023 [14 favorites]
Ya, but I wasn't annoying when I was a kid.
posted by stltony at 11:10 AM on April 19, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by stltony at 11:10 AM on April 19, 2023 [1 favorite]
Nobody, almost certainly especially the parent(s), is happy about a crying baby on an airplane, but people who complain about it? I mean, it's A BABY, not a gigantic Radio Raheem-style boombox they're refusing to turn down.
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:18 AM on April 19, 2023 [7 favorites]
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:18 AM on April 19, 2023 [7 favorites]
Strangely, Google doesn't have any information on a Doctor "York Hunt"? Say the name out loud a few times.
posted by pmbuko at 11:24 AM on April 19, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by pmbuko at 11:24 AM on April 19, 2023 [1 favorite]
Looks like it could be repurposed for the Mango Messiah - indeed this would be a public service.
posted by aeshnid at 11:44 AM on April 19, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by aeshnid at 11:44 AM on April 19, 2023 [1 favorite]
I feel that inventions like this is how you get Immortan Joe.
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:48 AM on April 19, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by GenjiandProust at 11:48 AM on April 19, 2023 [1 favorite]
Extremely glad this is a parody... sometimes it's hard to tell.
posted by subdee at 11:52 AM on April 19, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by subdee at 11:52 AM on April 19, 2023 [2 favorites]
I do not like noise on planes. I fly a lot. I do not like any noise: crying babies, drunk people having loud conversations, non drunk people having loud conversations, engines, the stupid credit card advertisement announcements.
So, I have nice noise-cancelling headphones. As someone who flies a lot, the investment (they are pricey!) is worth it.
I sort of wonder if (some) babies might like them too? One of the reasons planes are uncomfortable is that they are filled with loud uncontrollable noise that you can't get away from. I, too, would like to yell about it, but being older than two I can't really get away with that anymore. So instead I build a nicer environs for myself.
(Of course it'd be a pretty rare case where somebody under two does have to fly enough to justify the expense; most under twos don't have jobs requiring lots of travel).
posted by nat at 12:31 PM on April 19, 2023 [3 favorites]
So, I have nice noise-cancelling headphones. As someone who flies a lot, the investment (they are pricey!) is worth it.
I sort of wonder if (some) babies might like them too? One of the reasons planes are uncomfortable is that they are filled with loud uncontrollable noise that you can't get away from. I, too, would like to yell about it, but being older than two I can't really get away with that anymore. So instead I build a nicer environs for myself.
(Of course it'd be a pretty rare case where somebody under two does have to fly enough to justify the expense; most under twos don't have jobs requiring lots of travel).
posted by nat at 12:31 PM on April 19, 2023 [3 favorites]
I thought it was gonna be about this event that was trending on Twitter yesterday. NSFW.
posted by ericthegardener at 12:56 PM on April 19, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by ericthegardener at 12:56 PM on April 19, 2023 [2 favorites]
Re the doctor photos - do stethoscopes actually look like that, or is it Midjourney? The text on the first doctor's white coat looked iffy too, but I didn't take the time to examine it.
I can easily see generative art (and text) being used for more pranks (and worse in future).
posted by tripsix at 1:08 PM on April 19, 2023
I can easily see generative art (and text) being used for more pranks (and worse in future).
posted by tripsix at 1:08 PM on April 19, 2023
Also it's my experience that parents of 'the brat screaming' aren't receptive to solutions like these.
That's why we need adult sized ones too
posted by aubilenon at 1:12 PM on April 19, 2023 [2 favorites]
That's why we need adult sized ones too
posted by aubilenon at 1:12 PM on April 19, 2023 [2 favorites]
if only the crying baby was the worst person on any given flight. if only!
posted by chavenet at 1:25 PM on April 19, 2023 [8 favorites]
posted by chavenet at 1:25 PM on April 19, 2023 [8 favorites]
“No one cared who I was ‘til I put on the mask.”
posted by Chuffy at 1:33 PM on April 19, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by Chuffy at 1:33 PM on April 19, 2023 [2 favorites]
It’s my experience that people who complain about babies crying on planes are usually entirely unsympathetic to the idea that parents might -have- to take this child
I'm afraid all those children crying at theater performances and running around restaurants have raised some doubt in the public eye about the judgment of the parents. Unfair, I know, but there you go.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 1:42 PM on April 19, 2023 [9 favorites]
I'm afraid all those children crying at theater performances and running around restaurants have raised some doubt in the public eye about the judgment of the parents. Unfair, I know, but there you go.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 1:42 PM on April 19, 2023 [9 favorites]
Babies crying are just fine for those of us who watched the MASH finale.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:51 PM on April 19, 2023 [13 favorites]
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:51 PM on April 19, 2023 [13 favorites]
What a wonky website. I’ve never run across a website that somehow would not respond to the “tap the screen just above the url field to return to the top of the page” action in iOS.
Also...Can’t tell if this is real or not. Such is the world we live in, I guess.
posted by Thorzdad at 2:15 PM on April 19, 2023
Also...Can’t tell if this is real or not. Such is the world we live in, I guess.
posted by Thorzdad at 2:15 PM on April 19, 2023
They somehow left out Dr. Hunt’s brother Mike, Dick Hertz, Clint Orris, and the ever-popular Haywood Jablome.
posted by TedW at 2:20 PM on April 19, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by TedW at 2:20 PM on April 19, 2023 [2 favorites]
It's funny because young people aren't people.
posted by splitpeasoup at 2:49 PM on April 19, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by splitpeasoup at 2:49 PM on April 19, 2023 [4 favorites]
Flashback to the most disturbing episode of M*A*S*H, wherein Hawkeye goes even further off the rails due to a crying baby.
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 3:05 PM on April 19, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 3:05 PM on April 19, 2023 [1 favorite]
It always cracks me up how defensive some people get anytime someone has the temerity to acknowledge that it's unpleasant to be around a screaming baby, even in jest.
Somewhere between 85-90% of people will have a child in their life, but they any like there's some massive anti-baby cultural sentiment victimizing them.
Babies are people too, which is why you must always smile indulgently at their shrieking in a restaurant, just as you would at an adult man behaving the same way.
posted by Krawczak at 3:50 PM on April 19, 2023 [5 favorites]
Somewhere between 85-90% of people will have a child in their life, but they any like there's some massive anti-baby cultural sentiment victimizing them.
Babies are people too, which is why you must always smile indulgently at their shrieking in a restaurant, just as you would at an adult man behaving the same way.
posted by Krawczak at 3:50 PM on April 19, 2023 [5 favorites]
It's not really fair to compare theaters and restaurants (where people usually have a choice about whether or not to bring the kids, and even if they do, they can always take the kid outside) and an airplane, where people don't so much have a choice to not bring the kids and everyone is locked in place for the duration. The last time I had to sit near a fussy small person the parents were so apologetic that I felt bad for them. It's ok, kids make noise (and get sticky and smelly) and as long as everyone is trying their best I'm fine with it.
posted by Dip Flash at 4:34 PM on April 19, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by Dip Flash at 4:34 PM on April 19, 2023 [2 favorites]
Noise cancelling headphones are real, tho, and make flying better even when there isn't a baby on board.
posted by straight at 4:38 PM on April 19, 2023
posted by straight at 4:38 PM on April 19, 2023
Babies crying are just fine for those of us who watched the MASH finale.
I don’t know what you’re talking about, there weren’t any babies in that episode, just a chicken who would NOT shut the hell up.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 4:52 PM on April 19, 2023 [4 favorites]
I don’t know what you’re talking about, there weren’t any babies in that episode, just a chicken who would NOT shut the hell up.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 4:52 PM on April 19, 2023 [4 favorites]
I can't stand it when I'm on a plane and a baby is talking loudly on their phone.
posted by AlSweigart at 4:58 PM on April 19, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by AlSweigart at 4:58 PM on April 19, 2023 [3 favorites]
Wait, I don't think I'm remembering that right.
posted by AlSweigart at 4:58 PM on April 19, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by AlSweigart at 4:58 PM on April 19, 2023 [1 favorite]
Maybe you meant you can't fly it when you're on a plane and a baby is talking loudly on their phone. Most people don't stand on airplanes except intermittently.
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 5:09 PM on April 19, 2023
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 5:09 PM on April 19, 2023
It always cracks me up how defensive some people get anytime someone has the temerity to acknowledge that it's unpleasant to be around a screaming baby, even in jest
It’s because, even if in jest, it is almost always phrased as if the baby in question were a packet of chips that someone was thoughtlessly and endlessly rustling in a cinema to slake their selfish snack urges, or a steaming microwaved salmon that someone inexplicably brought on the bus
posted by Jon Mitchell at 6:15 PM on April 19, 2023 [8 favorites]
It’s because, even if in jest, it is almost always phrased as if the baby in question were a packet of chips that someone was thoughtlessly and endlessly rustling in a cinema to slake their selfish snack urges, or a steaming microwaved salmon that someone inexplicably brought on the bus
posted by Jon Mitchell at 6:15 PM on April 19, 2023 [8 favorites]
Sometimes people do bring very young babies to inexplicable environments; but transportation isn't one of those contexts.
Refusal to govern older children too young to control themselves in flights that seem very long to them (or in nice restaurants and etc) is even more annoying. Particularly, not making them use earbuds for their devices, or turn the sound off. A crying baby will exhaust themself far sooner than an iPad battery.
The doctor names lead me to suspect this site is funnier than this guy's stand-up act or other....endeavors.
posted by snuffleupagus at 7:13 PM on April 19, 2023 [2 favorites]
Refusal to govern older children too young to control themselves in flights that seem very long to them (or in nice restaurants and etc) is even more annoying. Particularly, not making them use earbuds for their devices, or turn the sound off. A crying baby will exhaust themself far sooner than an iPad battery.
The doctor names lead me to suspect this site is funnier than this guy's stand-up act or other....endeavors.
posted by snuffleupagus at 7:13 PM on April 19, 2023 [2 favorites]
Many things can be true at once:
1.. Screaming babies aren’t even in the top quartile of rudest people on commercial flights.
2. 49.9% of people on commercial aircraft have below-average manners/empathy for anyone other than themselves, including the parents of small children.
3. I’ve been on a lot of flights, and while the parents of screaming infants are usually as miserable as everyone else and doing all in their power to soothe their baby, the same is not true of the guy behind me in Comfort+ a couple years ago who let both of his little angels practice farting and whistling the whole flight, and then let them play on the bag claim carousel after we touched down. Shitty parents absolutely exist, and when childless people point it out; we tend to get pilloried because we couldn’t possibly understand, and this is how we get future rude adults.
5. The best way to amuse a crying baby in the row behind you is to get drunk and make a puppet show with an airsick bag.
TL;DR: the gadget we really need is a muzzle for farts/whistle silencer, I’m not qualified to invent it, and a scant majority of people are doing their best most of the time.
posted by armeowda at 7:51 PM on April 19, 2023 [3 favorites]
1.. Screaming babies aren’t even in the top quartile of rudest people on commercial flights.
2. 49.9% of people on commercial aircraft have below-average manners/empathy for anyone other than themselves, including the parents of small children.
3. I’ve been on a lot of flights, and while the parents of screaming infants are usually as miserable as everyone else and doing all in their power to soothe their baby, the same is not true of the guy behind me in Comfort+ a couple years ago who let both of his little angels practice farting and whistling the whole flight, and then let them play on the bag claim carousel after we touched down. Shitty parents absolutely exist, and when childless people point it out; we tend to get pilloried because we couldn’t possibly understand, and this is how we get future rude adults.
5. The best way to amuse a crying baby in the row behind you is to get drunk and make a puppet show with an airsick bag.
TL;DR: the gadget we really need is a muzzle for farts/whistle silencer, I’m not qualified to invent it, and a scant majority of people are doing their best most of the time.
posted by armeowda at 7:51 PM on April 19, 2023 [3 favorites]
Re the doctor photos - do stethoscopes actually look like that, or is it Midjourney?
Dr. Hunt's is definitely a Midjourney-esqe version. Dr. Lit's appears more conventional, but his watch is off and his jacket not personalized (although maybe that's a flag it's real since it's not some made-up gibberish instead).
posted by achrise at 8:01 PM on April 19, 2023
Dr. Hunt's is definitely a Midjourney-esqe version. Dr. Lit's appears more conventional, but his watch is off and his jacket not personalized (although maybe that's a flag it's real since it's not some made-up gibberish instead).
posted by achrise at 8:01 PM on April 19, 2023
If only.
(Crying babies = major migraine trigger for me.)
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 8:53 PM on April 19, 2023 [3 favorites]
(Crying babies = major migraine trigger for me.)
posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries at 8:53 PM on April 19, 2023 [3 favorites]
Only once have I ever wanted to punch a baby in the face and that was on a flight where the baby cried (I am not fucking exagerrating) 10 of the 12 hours of the flight. After that, I immediately bought noise cancelling headphones the first chance I could.
The parents tried their best, people on the plane were understanding, but everyone was having the shittiest flight because this fucking baby decided today was the day to really test that lung capacity.
A crying baby will exhaust themself far sooner than an iPad battery. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
I have super sympathy for the parents, they were right next to the thing the whole time. What I want to complain about is the fact that society would look down on them for maybe giving a little thumb of whiskey to the kid.
Most grown adults don't like to fly sober, why do we force babies to do it? How can it be more healthy for that baby to be stressed like that for 10 hours than to have a miniscule amount of alcohol and then rest?
Disclosure: I dont have kids but I live very far away from family so I will someday get to be the person bringing a baby on a super long flight. I hope they are a good traveler, but if not, I will not hesitate to give that baby some whiskey or something on a long flight. (Apparently its not good to use actual medicines like baby benedryl because of some reason, that is what I have heard from parents).
posted by LizBoBiz at 2:32 AM on April 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
The parents tried their best, people on the plane were understanding, but everyone was having the shittiest flight because this fucking baby decided today was the day to really test that lung capacity.
A crying baby will exhaust themself far sooner than an iPad battery. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
I have super sympathy for the parents, they were right next to the thing the whole time. What I want to complain about is the fact that society would look down on them for maybe giving a little thumb of whiskey to the kid.
Most grown adults don't like to fly sober, why do we force babies to do it? How can it be more healthy for that baby to be stressed like that for 10 hours than to have a miniscule amount of alcohol and then rest?
Disclosure: I dont have kids but I live very far away from family so I will someday get to be the person bringing a baby on a super long flight. I hope they are a good traveler, but if not, I will not hesitate to give that baby some whiskey or something on a long flight. (Apparently its not good to use actual medicines like baby benedryl because of some reason, that is what I have heard from parents).
posted by LizBoBiz at 2:32 AM on April 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
MetaFilter: Disclosure: I don't have kids
posted by stltony at 6:36 AM on April 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by stltony at 6:36 AM on April 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
I imagined the baby silencer as a hand-held device like the remote controls that can silence a tv.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 6:40 AM on April 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 6:40 AM on April 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
I realize that "crying baby" is a sound that is tougher for some people to endure than others, so I try to be sympathetic, but as a former flight attendant, honestly, tough shit.
Commercial air travel is public transportation. It is basically magic - people can fly! - but it also sucks - you are crammed in a tin can with as many people as the corporation can manage with as few amenities as they can get away with.
We all are in it together, and most of us want to scream at some point in the process. Babies can't communicate their displeasure in any way but screaming, and they can't emotionally regulate. Parents do the best they can, but the circumstances also limit what they can do. Can't get up and walk the baby during taxi, takeoff, landing and turbulence. Can't use noisy distracting toys. Etc, etc, etc.
Don't get on an airplane without noise cancelling headphones if you can help it, and remember you're a grown ass person who knows this too shall pass.
(Parents, you are doing your best and I will advocate for you and happily try what limited tricks I have to distract kiddo, but you can't let your toddler wander around the aircraft when the seatbelt sign is on - they can scream all they need as long as they're secured when they have to be - and for goodness sake, don't put that diaper in a seat back pocket, hand me your offsprings' shit directly if you don't have access to a trash bin, what is happening in your mind...)
posted by the primroses were over at 7:31 AM on April 20, 2023 [17 favorites]
Commercial air travel is public transportation. It is basically magic - people can fly! - but it also sucks - you are crammed in a tin can with as many people as the corporation can manage with as few amenities as they can get away with.
We all are in it together, and most of us want to scream at some point in the process. Babies can't communicate their displeasure in any way but screaming, and they can't emotionally regulate. Parents do the best they can, but the circumstances also limit what they can do. Can't get up and walk the baby during taxi, takeoff, landing and turbulence. Can't use noisy distracting toys. Etc, etc, etc.
Don't get on an airplane without noise cancelling headphones if you can help it, and remember you're a grown ass person who knows this too shall pass.
(Parents, you are doing your best and I will advocate for you and happily try what limited tricks I have to distract kiddo, but you can't let your toddler wander around the aircraft when the seatbelt sign is on - they can scream all they need as long as they're secured when they have to be - and for goodness sake, don't put that diaper in a seat back pocket, hand me your offsprings' shit directly if you don't have access to a trash bin, what is happening in your mind...)
posted by the primroses were over at 7:31 AM on April 20, 2023 [17 favorites]
Babies are annoying but they have every right to travel and I do not begrudge them or their parents. The real scourge with travel these days is the seemingly increasing social acceptance of watching videos and playing music on devices with no headphones. If I was president for life I'd send every single offender to the gulag.
posted by cakelite at 8:35 AM on April 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by cakelite at 8:35 AM on April 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
Airlines are not public transportation, basically by definition. However, this is not the only way in which "it's public transportation, so it makes sense that it sucks as much as possible" falls down.
posted by tigrrrlily at 9:55 AM on April 20, 2023
posted by tigrrrlily at 9:55 AM on April 20, 2023
I imagined the baby silencer as a hand-held device like the remote controls that can silence a tv.
I'd like to get on the pre-order list, for when the canine version hits the market. And if this is also your dream, you'd like Arthur C. Clarke's Silence, Please short story.
posted by Rash at 10:06 AM on April 20, 2023
I'd like to get on the pre-order list, for when the canine version hits the market. And if this is also your dream, you'd like Arthur C. Clarke's Silence, Please short story.
posted by Rash at 10:06 AM on April 20, 2023
baby decided today was the day to really test that lung capacity
Babies cannot yawn and swallow on command to regulate sinus pressure, they can't pinch their nose and blow out their ears. I know it is very, very hard to have empathy when someone is making you that miserable, but they are really miserable too. I once passed out on a plane before we even left the gate and didn't wake up until just before we started our descent and jesus I WISH I could have gotten away with crying and shouting like a baby, that shit SUCKED.
posted by solotoro at 10:29 AM on April 20, 2023 [4 favorites]
Babies cannot yawn and swallow on command to regulate sinus pressure, they can't pinch their nose and blow out their ears. I know it is very, very hard to have empathy when someone is making you that miserable, but they are really miserable too. I once passed out on a plane before we even left the gate and didn't wake up until just before we started our descent and jesus I WISH I could have gotten away with crying and shouting like a baby, that shit SUCKED.
posted by solotoro at 10:29 AM on April 20, 2023 [4 favorites]
Airlines are not public transportation, basically by definition.
Fair point.
I'd meant "public transportation" in the sense of "you're sharing with other members of the public," but agreed that was bad terminological shorthand.
We'll have to agree to disagree that sharing space with a crying baby "sucks as much as possible," but again, I get that the degree to which that sucks varies wildly for people. Not scolding anyone for wanting to avoid crying babies, but airplane cabins aren't designed for avoiding each other.
posted by the primroses were over at 11:24 AM on April 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
Fair point.
I'd meant "public transportation" in the sense of "you're sharing with other members of the public," but agreed that was bad terminological shorthand.
We'll have to agree to disagree that sharing space with a crying baby "sucks as much as possible," but again, I get that the degree to which that sucks varies wildly for people. Not scolding anyone for wanting to avoid crying babies, but airplane cabins aren't designed for avoiding each other.
posted by the primroses were over at 11:24 AM on April 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
I was on a long flight this summer from Tokyo to Chicago and there was a baby a couple of rows back that cried the entire time. It didn't seem like the baby's adults were doing much to quiet the baby either. I was able to survive with my sanity mostly intact by keeping my headphones on even when I wasn't watching anything, although I did end up watching a lot too. They aren't noise cancelling but they do an OK job of reducing ambient noise.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 11:55 AM on April 20, 2023
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 11:55 AM on April 20, 2023
Earplugs are very, very cheap and near free when purchased in bulk.
If anything I’d have air attendants offer them as an option upon boarding. Airplane PA announcements are already very loud.
And yes, earplugs are the item I always have on me when flying. Help a lot with the engine noise, too.
posted by andreinla at 12:16 PM on April 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
If anything I’d have air attendants offer them as an option upon boarding. Airplane PA announcements are already very loud.
And yes, earplugs are the item I always have on me when flying. Help a lot with the engine noise, too.
posted by andreinla at 12:16 PM on April 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
I wish it were logistically and hygienically feasible for airlines to keep noise-canceling headphones on board for rental--the fees would no doubt be outrageous relative to the cost of the headphones, but I suspect it would significantly decrease the overall stress levels in the cabin if more folks had access to this solution.
I go into every in-flight experience with low expectations, since I hate (i.e. fear) flying in general; with screaming babies I just repeat to myself that we're all miserable, and between the baby and me at least one of us is getting to express how she feels. Being locked in an aluminium tube with strangers for 6 hours frankly mostly kinda sucks, and being a human of any age and/or size is hard!
posted by peakes at 3:49 PM on April 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
I go into every in-flight experience with low expectations, since I hate (i.e. fear) flying in general; with screaming babies I just repeat to myself that we're all miserable, and between the baby and me at least one of us is getting to express how she feels. Being locked in an aluminium tube with strangers for 6 hours frankly mostly kinda sucks, and being a human of any age and/or size is hard!
posted by peakes at 3:49 PM on April 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
I’d have air attendants offer them as an option upon boarding
I have boarded long flights where passengers were given 'travel-courtesy-packages' containing earplugs, (worthless) socks, etc. But I've been traveling with my own earplugs for a long time.
Re: noise-canceling headphones (which work on the same principle as Clarke's "Fenton Silencer" - analyze the incoming sound, then emit the same sound but phase-shifted by 180° to cancel out both). Works great on constant sounds like droning jet engines; but staccato, irregular noises like barking dogs, pilot announcements and crying babies, not yet, maybe never. Earplugs OTOH reduce all incoming sounds by some constant db. What's needed on the airplane is a combination of both.
posted by Rash at 4:32 PM on April 20, 2023 [4 favorites]
I have boarded long flights where passengers were given 'travel-courtesy-packages' containing earplugs, (worthless) socks, etc. But I've been traveling with my own earplugs for a long time.
Re: noise-canceling headphones (which work on the same principle as Clarke's "Fenton Silencer" - analyze the incoming sound, then emit the same sound but phase-shifted by 180° to cancel out both). Works great on constant sounds like droning jet engines; but staccato, irregular noises like barking dogs, pilot announcements and crying babies, not yet, maybe never. Earplugs OTOH reduce all incoming sounds by some constant db. What's needed on the airplane is a combination of both.
posted by Rash at 4:32 PM on April 20, 2023 [4 favorites]
There used to be a dog silencer app. In my building it was helpful. Now I can’t get that app. I imagined an app. Noise only audible to babies.
Seriously if a baby has an ear infection, being on a plane makes very loud, prolonged crying inevitable. Learned that on a tour of the Cessna factory.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 5:23 PM on April 20, 2023
Seriously if a baby has an ear infection, being on a plane makes very loud, prolonged crying inevitable. Learned that on a tour of the Cessna factory.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 5:23 PM on April 20, 2023
Seriously if a baby has an ear infection, being on a plane makes very loud, prolonged crying inevitable.
As a former amoxicillin junkie toddler (with an unconventional tolerance for weaponized doses of Benadryl and Dramamine), this is a bad situation for everyone. Depriving the tot of sleep in advance of flying might be the best strategy, but it's all marginal.
If you're barely tolerating screaming babies on a flight to some destination that seems universally optional, it might help to consider that families can be really shitty and the consequence for the strangers offending you not turning up with their kids wherever they're expected might legitimatlely outweigh the discomfort of the presumptive average traveler.
I also don't think a couple shots of Jamison's at 2 yo would have been great for me. Caused enough trouble at 12.
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:27 PM on April 20, 2023
As a former amoxicillin junkie toddler (with an unconventional tolerance for weaponized doses of Benadryl and Dramamine), this is a bad situation for everyone. Depriving the tot of sleep in advance of flying might be the best strategy, but it's all marginal.
If you're barely tolerating screaming babies on a flight to some destination that seems universally optional, it might help to consider that families can be really shitty and the consequence for the strangers offending you not turning up with their kids wherever they're expected might legitimatlely outweigh the discomfort of the presumptive average traveler.
I also don't think a couple shots of Jamison's at 2 yo would have been great for me. Caused enough trouble at 12.
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:27 PM on April 20, 2023
Airlines are not public transportation, basically by definition.
Come on. Airlines are de facto public transport, until Amtrak buys 737s.
(Yes, I know the legacy carriers formerly subject to Reg Whatsis reorganized in bankruptcy.)
You first.
posted by snuffleupagus at 7:47 PM on April 20, 2023
Come on. Airlines are de facto public transport, until Amtrak buys 737s.
(Yes, I know the legacy carriers formerly subject to Reg Whatsis reorganized in bankruptcy.)
You first.
posted by snuffleupagus at 7:47 PM on April 20, 2023
I realize that "crying baby" is a sound that is tougher for some people to endure than others, so I try to be sympathetic, but as a former flight attendant, honestly, tough shit... It is basically magic - people can fly! - but it also sucks - you are crammed in a tin can with as many people as the corporation can manage with as few amenities as they can get away with.
We all are in it together, and most of us want to scream at some point in the process. Babies can't communicate their displeasure in any way but screaming, and they can't emotionally regulate. Parents do the best they can, but the circumstances also limit what they can do. Can't get up and walk the baby during taxi, takeoff, landing and turbulence. Can't use noisy distracting toys. Etc, etc, etc.
This is not cool. I see only one comment (and after this one) that has any hostility towards the baby or the parents. Everyone here is just bitching about the situation, but we cant complain because...flying is magic? Most of our modern world is "magic" and we dont like it when we aren't comfortable.
And also, we have decided it is acceptable for parents to force a baby to endure this pain without any relief? How is that right to do to a child? And for what, unless the parents are moving house or there's a medical situation, there is no need for the child to travel, even to see family. Most situations where a baby is travelling on a plane is because the parent(s) want to go somewhere. And we have decided it is ok to put them through that for our wants.
It always cracks me up how defensive some people get anytime someone has the temerity to acknowledge that it's unpleasant to be around a screaming baby, even in jest
Just repeating this. Baby cries have evolved to be hard to ignore and they can be over 115db, which can do actual damage to hearing. Its an annoying and possibly damaging sound. It is unfortunate that the sound is made by fellow humans who have limited understanding of their surrounding and no self control. We can be sympathetic and annoyed at the same time.
posted by LizBoBiz at 2:02 AM on April 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
We all are in it together, and most of us want to scream at some point in the process. Babies can't communicate their displeasure in any way but screaming, and they can't emotionally regulate. Parents do the best they can, but the circumstances also limit what they can do. Can't get up and walk the baby during taxi, takeoff, landing and turbulence. Can't use noisy distracting toys. Etc, etc, etc.
This is not cool. I see only one comment (and after this one) that has any hostility towards the baby or the parents. Everyone here is just bitching about the situation, but we cant complain because...flying is magic? Most of our modern world is "magic" and we dont like it when we aren't comfortable.
And also, we have decided it is acceptable for parents to force a baby to endure this pain without any relief? How is that right to do to a child? And for what, unless the parents are moving house or there's a medical situation, there is no need for the child to travel, even to see family. Most situations where a baby is travelling on a plane is because the parent(s) want to go somewhere. And we have decided it is ok to put them through that for our wants.
It always cracks me up how defensive some people get anytime someone has the temerity to acknowledge that it's unpleasant to be around a screaming baby, even in jest
Just repeating this. Baby cries have evolved to be hard to ignore and they can be over 115db, which can do actual damage to hearing. Its an annoying and possibly damaging sound. It is unfortunate that the sound is made by fellow humans who have limited understanding of their surrounding and no self control. We can be sympathetic and annoyed at the same time.
posted by LizBoBiz at 2:02 AM on April 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
I see only one comment (and after this one) that has any hostility towards the baby or the parents.
There's also the comment about wanting to punch a baby in the face -- almost certainly (I assume) meant humorously, but...
I'm not going to pick and sort through all of the comments, but it is safe to say that there is a range of understanding and sympathy being expressed towards the various actors in the situation (e.g., baby, parent(s), other passengers, crew).
posted by Dip Flash at 5:37 AM on April 21, 2023
There's also the comment about wanting to punch a baby in the face -- almost certainly (I assume) meant humorously, but...
I'm not going to pick and sort through all of the comments, but it is safe to say that there is a range of understanding and sympathy being expressed towards the various actors in the situation (e.g., baby, parent(s), other passengers, crew).
posted by Dip Flash at 5:37 AM on April 21, 2023
>Airlines are not public transportation, basically by definition.
Come on. Airlines are de facto public transport, until Amtrak buys 737s.
More importantly…
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 5:55 PM on April 21, 2023 [1 favorite]
Come on. Airlines are de facto public transport, until Amtrak buys 737s.
More importantly…
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 5:55 PM on April 21, 2023 [1 favorite]
One of the reasons I love my job is that if there are only one or two babies crying in whatever public locale I am in, it makes me think of a nice calm day at work. I bet a lot of others who work in and around pediatric operating rooms feel the same way. It’s all about perspective.
posted by TedW at 10:58 AM on April 23, 2023
posted by TedW at 10:58 AM on April 23, 2023
And on a more serious note, I can’t repeat too often that giving antihistamines like diphenhydramine (Benadryl) and dimenhydrinate (Dramamine) to young children if you aren’t medically trained to do so is a seriously bad idea. It is easy to overdose them, which can lead to anticholinergic toxicity which is unpleasant at best and deadly at worst. The linked article discussed the same issue in elderly patients, but as you can imagine it is even more likely in very young patients where weight-based dosing can be hard to accurately achieve with over-the-counter products meant for adults.
posted by TedW at 11:06 AM on April 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by TedW at 11:06 AM on April 23, 2023 [1 favorite]
As a footnote, dramamine is also unreliable. All of my family took some once for an air tour that was cancelled due to weather, back at the hotel everyone else slept it off for hours while roughly seven year old me bounced off the walls watching 80s network TV. (Seven isn't an infant, but apparently it affects different people differently.) Benadryl does have it's expected sedative side effect on me, meanwhile. Bodies are weird.
posted by snuffleupagus at 2:53 PM on April 23, 2023
posted by snuffleupagus at 2:53 PM on April 23, 2023
Much as the sound of babies crying on a plane annoys me, I try to keep in mind that my high-flying carbon footprint is bound to give me the last laugh once the child is old enough to realize the mess I've helped leave them.
posted by otsebyatina at 5:06 PM on April 23, 2023
posted by otsebyatina at 5:06 PM on April 23, 2023
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