worshiping big bellies in such a fat-hating culture

September 9, 2023 9:52 AM

“All anyone needs to nail a pregnancy photo shoot is a big belly, and I’ve got one right here.” The photoshoot presented an opportunity for Virgie Tovar to work through emotions on deciding not to be a parent in a way that would be fun, creative and collaborative.

We spent the weekend together in the most shagadelic honeymoon suite at a B&B in Half Moon Bay. We checked in, carrying hundreds of flowers, and the curious proprietress asked what we were going to do with them.

I replied, “A floral bath.” She looked off in the distance for a moment, brow furrowing, trying to envision this, and then clearly conjured an image of two naked women bathing each other in her very own tub, and blushed. “Oh, I shouldn’t have asked! I’m so sorry!” she said, clearly feeling she’d actually walked in on a fat slippery gay interracial tableau. After taking some photos during the dwindling daylight, we ate pizza and chicken wings in bed, while watching actual TV. The next morning it was time for the shoot.

The mirrored jacuzzi tub was, in a word, enormballs. An entire bottle of Safeway’s cheapest bubble bath didn’t even put a dent in this thing.

posted by spamandkimchi (10 comments total)

Wow. I love this - even though I have had a pregnancy, I had no desire to do a photo shoot, I think maybe I have one photo, maybe two of myself from that time. When my now-almost-grown kid was tiny I would go to baby groups and sometimes other moms would pass around little gilt-edged books from their sometimes-glamorous, sometimes-slightly-scandalous pregnancy shoots, and I just felt like I was an alien visiting Earth. Couldn't relate.
posted by 41swans at 11:10 AM on September 9, 2023 [5 favorites]

This is so beautiful.
posted by EvaDestruction at 12:13 PM on September 9, 2023

There’s rather more to carrying a child than the size of one’s belly. Whatever makes the author happy.
posted by Ideefixe at 2:17 PM on September 9, 2023 [2 favorites]

There's rather more to understanding the cultural context around this than making a flippant remark about it not being actual pregnancy. But whatever keeps you happy.
posted by Aleyn at 2:42 PM on September 9, 2023 [27 favorites]

One thing the author misses is that the Demi Moore shoot was shocking when it came out in 1991, and really only makes sense in the context of rejecting the 'skinny heroin chic' look of its time - the trend of thin women celebrating their temporary big belly isn't 100% new (as this Smithsonian article gets into), but Leibovitz’s portrait of Moore was novel and not something women were celebrating in the years immediately before then.

Anyway, someone I went to college with is a photographer, and a side project of her's is doing sexy post-pregnancy shots with new moms, which according to her clients has helped them feel better about their new bodies. Certainly seems more radical than celebrating what is a temporary stage, as the OP points out.
posted by coffeecat at 3:18 PM on September 9, 2023 [8 favorites]

There’s rather more to carrying a child than the size of one’s belly. Whatever makes the author happy.

You mean like:

I asked myself “What specifically am I grieving?”

There were hundreds of answers. Some of them were huge boulders that will take years to process, like, “I may never experience the deep sense of connection I know many people feel with their kids.”

Did... you read it?
posted by wellifyouinsist at 3:37 PM on September 9, 2023 [4 favorites]

hehe, i’m getting a vasectomy next week so this is timely! maybe I’ll do a pre vasectomy photoshoot. i do feel glamorous, i’m having a nice trans girl sugar my bits tomorrow in preparation :p
posted by Gymnopedist at 10:21 PM on September 9, 2023 [1 favorite]

thanks for sharing :)
posted by Gymnopedist at 10:21 PM on September 9, 2023

You get a lot of social approval during pregnancy in general, plus the pregnancy hormones which for some people contribute to an overall sense of well-being (they did for me). Not difficult to feel glamorous despite the belly. coffeecat is right that after the birth, while still having the belly, minus the hormones was much harder.
posted by subdee at 9:22 AM on September 10, 2023

This is lovelier than I expected, even as someone who was already a fan of Tovar's writing, because while I also made the same decision it is not one I grieve at all. But I do understand the grief she describes.

But I gotta admit I was distracted by really wanting to know where that B&B with the ginormous jacuzzi tub is!
posted by rhiannonstone at 9:02 PM on September 10, 2023 [1 favorite]