Scientists will unleash an army of crabs

September 29, 2023 7:00 AM

to help save Florida’s dying reef. Not all heroes wear capes. Some are crabs. Benji Jones for Vox.
posted by Hypatia (48 comments total)

Please read this article with the crab rave song (YouTube) in the background.

Good luck to the crabs and to Florida's coral reefs. Hopefully they can find a way to cut down on the runoff that's feeding the algae though of course that'll put these lil clawed dudes in a tough spot.
posted by threementholsandafuneral at 7:10 AM on September 29, 2023 [5 favorites]

Ahh yes, the coral reefs, the reefs in Florida, the Florida Keys reefs, the reefs near Turkey Point Nuke Plant. Plus an army of crabs. Do you want kaiju? Because that's how you get kaiju.

I want to watch this movie so bad.
posted by seanmpuckett at 7:10 AM on September 29, 2023 [17 favorites]

Scientists are in the process of building a crab army — hundreds of thousands of crustaceans strong —

Got to love any science article with a sentence starting like that. If they can train them to march into the sea in parade formation, that would be a plus.
posted by y2karl at 7:22 AM on September 29, 2023 [3 favorites]

Normally I'd lean towards wolves but it's the water, so yes, crabs.

Broadly speaking we should be solving more problems with wolves and crabs.
posted by mhoye at 7:23 AM on September 29, 2023 [12 favorites]

Not all heroes wear carapaces.
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:23 AM on September 29, 2023 [27 favorites]

Broadly speaking we should be solving more problems with wolves and crabs.

Add corvids then you cover land, sea, and air.
posted by AzraelBrown at 7:42 AM on September 29, 2023 [15 favorites]

Ze Frank's True Facts this week is about coral. If you want to learn more about this fascinating animal.
posted by hippybear at 8:23 AM on September 29, 2023 [6 favorites]

I wanna claw 'em all
a crustacean army couldn't hold me back
posted by stevil at 8:31 AM on September 29, 2023 [7 favorites]

Carcinization says that in order to build an army of crab forms you just have to be patient. Eventually the scientists will become crab forms themselves. The coral will become crabs. Everything will crab. CRAB!*

*sushi excluded. That stuff will always be fake crab.
posted by srboisvert at 9:09 AM on September 29, 2023 [7 favorites]

I love the thought and testing put into this project, including the note that the crab species in question is native to Florida--just not present in huge numbers because "everything eats them," even humans. Really unlikely to cause big problems if you just artificially inflate the number of 'em and in doing so help them take a chunk out of the algae.
posted by sciatrix at 9:11 AM on September 29, 2023 [5 favorites]

The crab-predator-puppets make this story extra delightful.
posted by metasarah at 9:12 AM on September 29, 2023 [3 favorites]

an army of crabs

An armored division, obvioously.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:29 AM on September 29, 2023 [9 favorites]

i thought the Internet could give me anything but let me tell you i am having the hardest time finding a photograph of a crab wearing a cape. i blame massachusetts.
posted by bombastic lowercase pronouncements at 9:34 AM on September 29, 2023 [3 favorites]

Really unlikely to cause big problems

indeed. a crabulous plan.
posted by lalochezia at 9:47 AM on September 29, 2023 [2 favorites]

Using native crabs at least helps potentially mitigate a mongoose style solution!
posted by drewbage1847 at 9:54 AM on September 29, 2023 [1 favorite]

I really hope these Pinchy Bois and Gurls succeed. Florida's natural environments are very near and dear to me. Thanks for posting this!
posted by May Kasahara at 9:57 AM on September 29, 2023 [1 favorite]

Normally I'd lean towards wolves

That's a good way to get yourself bit.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:12 AM on September 29, 2023 [4 favorites]

I am incredibly impressed with myself to have gotten this image of a caped crustacean crusader with only one pass at an image search. (The key was avoiding the word 'cape': my search term was "supercrab," since I figured that was less likely to get tripped up by delicious advertisements.)

Not the hero we deserve but perhaps the one we need; etc etc.
posted by sciatrix at 11:06 AM on September 29, 2023 [8 favorites]

Wouldn't that actually be a navy of crabs?
posted by mcduff at 11:27 AM on September 29, 2023 [3 favorites]

Not all heroes wear capes. Some are crabs.

Crabs can wear capes.
posted by The Tensor at 11:36 AM on September 29, 2023 [2 favorites]

Wouldn't that actually be a navy of crabs?

More like the Marines, amirite?
posted by y2karl at 11:40 AM on September 29, 2023 [5 favorites]

An armored division, obvioously.

Here comes the crab cavalry!
posted by AzraelBrown at 11:51 AM on September 29, 2023

Crabs on seahorses riding over the ridge.
posted by hippybear at 11:54 AM on September 29, 2023 [3 favorites]

Possible only in a fun house mirror.
posted by y2karl at 12:37 PM on September 29, 2023 [1 favorite]

A friend of mine had an army of crabs. He got a lotion that took care of it.
posted by Splunge at 12:46 PM on September 29, 2023 [4 favorites]

Here comes the crab cavalry!

crabalry?
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:54 PM on September 29, 2023 [4 favorites]

Where can I apply for the job of crab trainer?
posted by OrangeDisk at 1:56 PM on September 29, 2023

There is of course a risk -- that the crabs will multiply to the point where tourists will demand fresh local Caribbean king crab, and the harvesting activity will disturb the reef.

Of course, we could then line up a fabulous type of gorilla that thrives on tourists.
posted by credulous at 1:58 PM on September 29, 2023 [5 favorites]

I think "release an army of crabs" should be our go to approach for more problems.

Supreme Court takes away rights? Release an army of crabs.

Can't get a decent pizza? Release an army of crabs.

Trump is on TV? Release an army of crabs.

If nature is cancerizing every species then we ought ot get some good out of it!
posted by sotonohito at 2:01 PM on September 29, 2023 [3 favorites]

i thought the Internet could give me anything but let me tell you i am having the hardest time finding a photograph of a crab wearing a cape. i blame massachusetts.

change your search terms, somebody has to have draped a Maryland flag on a crab as a cape by now.
posted by Dr. Twist at 2:10 PM on September 29, 2023 [1 favorite]

Heroes in a crab shell?
posted by VyanSelei at 2:23 PM on September 29, 2023 [2 favorites]

or on the half-shell...
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:43 PM on September 29, 2023 [2 favorites]

Here we go: The crab in the logo of Kent Island Crab Co., "Home Of The Super Crab". It has a cape but also seems to be on some kind of stimulant, which is par for the course in sunny Pasadena, Maryland.
posted by credulous at 2:47 PM on September 29, 2023 [2 favorites]

MetaFilter: It has a cape but also seems to be on some kind of stimulant
posted by hippybear at 2:54 PM on September 29, 2023 [5 favorites]

Yeah, this is the best (or worst?) part.

Because the crabs are raised in a lab, they don’t have any experience with predators. So before putting them onto the reef, Spadaro and his team may have to condition them to fear things like octopuses, snappers, and groupers.

One way to do this is by using puppets modeled after predators. By putting these puppets in the tanks while poking at the crabs, the crabs learn to move away from the threat. Several months ago, Mote partnered with a local elementary school and had students craft hand puppets, modeled after crab predators, to use in fear conditioning. (Fortunately, the crabs don’t have great vision.)

I know it's for their own good, but scaring the poor little crabs!
posted by pracowity at 3:26 PM on September 29, 2023 [6 favorites]

Meanwhile, an entire flock of chefs [ed. note: what is the collective noun for chefs?] are salivating [heh] at the idea of crabs who are just easily handled, won't fight back, might even introduce parts of themselves to humans for later consumption.
posted by hippybear at 3:33 PM on September 29, 2023 [1 favorite]

what is the collective noun for chefs?

a "spoiled broth"
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:02 PM on September 29, 2023 [5 favorites]

And no pictures of the leashes that they're going to use?
posted by notoriety public at 4:03 PM on September 29, 2023

i thought the Internet could give me anything but let me tell you i am having the hardest time finding a photograph of a crab wearing a cape. i blame massachusetts.

Meanwhile, Bard keeps showing me an image of a crab wearing a hat, insisting that it is in fact wearing a cape.
posted by wierdo at 4:39 PM on September 29, 2023

My understanding is the Marylanders are all busy in Italy.
posted by atomicstone at 5:24 PM on September 29, 2023 [1 favorite]

It's been suggested that we can solve some invasive species problems by eating the species in question. Callinectes sapidus has to be very high on the list of species that fit the bill (of fare).
posted by mollweide at 5:41 PM on September 29, 2023

> what is the collective noun for chefs?

A knife-fight.

> Eventually the scientists will become crab forms themselves.

In layman's terms, it's called "getting beach-body ready".
posted by sebastienbailard at 7:36 PM on September 29, 2023 [6 favorites]

And when we ran out of crabs, we ate sand.
posted by Chuffy at 11:35 PM on September 29, 2023

I'm worried. Like its an interesting idea but somebody will definitely come and steal the crabs.
posted by Didnt_do_enough at 4:33 AM on September 30, 2023 [2 favorites]

Hopefully they can find a way to cut down on the runoff that's feeding the algae

Wishful thinking, with our current state legislature and governor.
posted by dcormier at 5:28 AM on September 30, 2023 [1 favorite]

By the way, this post has been added to the Best Of MetaFilter blog, along with various social media sites
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:06 PM on September 30, 2023 [1 favorite]

...what is the collective noun for chefs?

A souflette, of course. A frothy dish of mostly hot air
posted by y2karl at 1:21 PM on September 30, 2023

Ze Frank's True Facts this week is about coral.

That was great! Thanks!
posted by intermod at 6:45 PM on October 2, 2023