A Kind of Slob’s Nirvana
October 15, 2023 7:53 AM Subscribe
Whatever the formula is that says for top dollar you can look like you had an outhouse flipped on you, these two had it. And yet despite the filth and indifference, as soon as they sat down, my adrenaline spiked. Their level of iPhone absorption and entitled dysmorphia felt like a suspended missile over the whole table. If they caught me compulsively glancing at them, I thought, things might actually flower into some kind of fracas. from Depravity’s Rainbow [The Baffler; ungated]
What does this link to, and why would I want to click on it?
posted by zamboni at 8:16 AM on October 15, 2023 [20 favorites]
posted by zamboni at 8:16 AM on October 15, 2023 [20 favorites]
My am-I-just-insufficiently-caffeinated moment came even earlier: "The scenario where I am bribed boobish manifests as a craps roll on a typo." Bwuh?
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:17 AM on October 15, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:17 AM on October 15, 2023 [4 favorites]
> What does this link to?
An article seemingly written by someone who has just discovered the work of Hunter S. Thompson.
posted by misteraitch at 8:23 AM on October 15, 2023 [34 favorites]
An article seemingly written by someone who has just discovered the work of Hunter S. Thompson.
posted by misteraitch at 8:23 AM on October 15, 2023 [34 favorites]
an old crone on my college paper
Ok I've read this sentence repeatedly, and I think I've got it now.
He worked for the college newspaper, and there was an older woman that gave him an editor position. Eventually this ended up putting him on his current career path, which is why he is reviewing the cigar convention for the baffler.
Sorry if I got the pronouns wrong, I just guessed.
posted by jonbro at 8:37 AM on October 15, 2023 [1 favorite]
Ok I've read this sentence repeatedly, and I think I've got it now.
He worked for the college newspaper, and there was an older woman that gave him an editor position. Eventually this ended up putting him on his current career path, which is why he is reviewing the cigar convention for the baffler.
Sorry if I got the pronouns wrong, I just guessed.
posted by jonbro at 8:37 AM on October 15, 2023 [1 favorite]
I also got caught up on the "crone" sentence. Perhaps it's a typo and is supposed to be "crony"?
The HST style is strong here, but without much point. It's from a source called The Baffler. I am baffled.
posted by SoberHighland at 8:41 AM on October 15, 2023 [2 favorites]
The HST style is strong here, but without much point. It's from a source called The Baffler. I am baffled.
posted by SoberHighland at 8:41 AM on October 15, 2023 [2 favorites]
I also got caught up on the "crone" sentence. Perhaps it's a typo and is supposed to be "crony"?
No, it is definitely meant to be "crone," because you don't make sexual advances to your crony. (Or if you do, you then write a very different piece.) There was an older lady (perhaps barely older) whom he pestered with apparently unwanted sexual advances (since she clearly never said yes) until she stopped his unwanted advances by getting him the editing job where he sits with only men, with no women available to pester.
posted by Dip Flash at 8:51 AM on October 15, 2023 [2 favorites]
No, it is definitely meant to be "crone," because you don't make sexual advances to your crony. (Or if you do, you then write a very different piece.) There was an older lady (perhaps barely older) whom he pestered with apparently unwanted sexual advances (since she clearly never said yes) until she stopped his unwanted advances by getting him the editing job where he sits with only men, with no women available to pester.
posted by Dip Flash at 8:51 AM on October 15, 2023 [2 favorites]
Sorry, he lost me at “an old crone on my college paper.” A …graduate student? An advisor? Who is sending him to cigar conferences so he won’t be a sex pest? I’m just very confused right now. Is this something I would have to have more coffee to understand? Probably.
It's a nasty thing the author says about himself so that he can, later on, get away with saying something this nasty about someone else:
Whatever the formula is that says for top dollar you can look like you had an outhouse flipped on you, these two had it.
Re: this question:
What does this link to, and why would I want to click on it?
The title and subtitle do say it all pretty well:
"Depravity’s Rainbow: A week at the premier cigar industry expo in Las Vegas"
It's not long, it is in the gonzo journalism vein (as others mention above), and has a vibe of mundane... sadness?
It's one of those things where I'm more than a little cheesed at the kneejerk dismissiveness in the comments here (it's a good piece, and if you like good writing, there's some fun writing here), but also it's not like anyone who hates this and doesn't want to read or regrets having read it is wrong.
If you enjoyed the sentences people shared here, go read the piece. It's not long and it's pretty good for what it is. A subjective window into a little subculture I doubt I'd want to spend much more time than this in.
posted by billjings at 8:52 AM on October 15, 2023 [7 favorites]
It's a nasty thing the author says about himself so that he can, later on, get away with saying something this nasty about someone else:
Whatever the formula is that says for top dollar you can look like you had an outhouse flipped on you, these two had it.
Re: this question:
What does this link to, and why would I want to click on it?
The title and subtitle do say it all pretty well:
"Depravity’s Rainbow: A week at the premier cigar industry expo in Las Vegas"
It's not long, it is in the gonzo journalism vein (as others mention above), and has a vibe of mundane... sadness?
It's one of those things where I'm more than a little cheesed at the kneejerk dismissiveness in the comments here (it's a good piece, and if you like good writing, there's some fun writing here), but also it's not like anyone who hates this and doesn't want to read or regrets having read it is wrong.
If you enjoyed the sentences people shared here, go read the piece. It's not long and it's pretty good for what it is. A subjective window into a little subculture I doubt I'd want to spend much more time than this in.
posted by billjings at 8:52 AM on October 15, 2023 [7 favorites]
Despite the awkward, florid language, I know what this is saying.
In 2021, after getting vaxxed and boosted, I wanted nothing more than to go to Meow Wolf's Omega Mart, and was fully ready to leave the endless banalities of lockdown for the absurdities of Vegas. But it wasn't Omega Mart that was the highlight of this first post-COVID vacation; I had engaged in the endless phone jockeying that was necessary to book a free appointment to experience James Turrell's immersive artwork Akhob.
Akhob is located in the Louis Vuitton store in the ultra-high-end City Center mall. We walked from our budget suite into the mall, past Hermes, Versace, Prada, virtually everything mentioned in the Pet Shop Boys' Paninaro, all the while feeling like outsiders. Surrounded by luxury on all sides, we considered how each store was a trap set to reclaim errant winnings, worried that our middle-aged Midwestern, budget-conscious appearance was far too déclassé for such a place.
But our appointment for Akhob was the first of the day, and we arrived early enough to join the line - yes, there's a line! - to get into the Louis Vuitton store, with people already lined up and champing at the bit to descend upon the store, to feast on luxury handbags and shoes and whatever other items can express that you have money and ostensibly sophistication, all of which I was sorely lacking.
Yet while I was worried about whether my button-down and jeans were acceptable, the line was filled with, well, people in wife-beaters and shorts, crop-tops and neon miniskirts, the wardrobe of a beer-drenched Spring Break and not the opulent sophistication that I expected. Who were these people? What does luxury mean anymore?
Suddenly, I heard a voice calling my name, and as the 10am drunken party people descended upon the Louis Vuitton store, we were pulled aside by an incredibly sophisticated young lady, who ushered us into a private elevator, and then into a small room with an equally sophisticated administrator, sitting in impeccable, dim lighting to brief us on the terms of our visit. From there, we were ushered into Turrell's artwork, walking up a postmodern, ivory staircase to be bathed in color and light, to stare into the abyss, to feel our heartbeat, to be swallowed by the experience of our senses.
There is nothing in Vegas to match the experience of spending a revelatory half hour in Akhob, an experience that costs literally nothing other than time, only to be ushered back down the private elevator, past the curiously unwashed masses who certainly had expensive rooms and were purchasing bags for thousands of dollars in this cathedral of capitalism, wondering what to make of life. The contrast was absurd, and bizarre. I'm not sure I dug the tone of this article, but the description of the "radiant scum" of a Vegas trip just doesn't seem off.
posted by eschatfische at 8:58 AM on October 15, 2023 [32 favorites]
In 2021, after getting vaxxed and boosted, I wanted nothing more than to go to Meow Wolf's Omega Mart, and was fully ready to leave the endless banalities of lockdown for the absurdities of Vegas. But it wasn't Omega Mart that was the highlight of this first post-COVID vacation; I had engaged in the endless phone jockeying that was necessary to book a free appointment to experience James Turrell's immersive artwork Akhob.
Akhob is located in the Louis Vuitton store in the ultra-high-end City Center mall. We walked from our budget suite into the mall, past Hermes, Versace, Prada, virtually everything mentioned in the Pet Shop Boys' Paninaro, all the while feeling like outsiders. Surrounded by luxury on all sides, we considered how each store was a trap set to reclaim errant winnings, worried that our middle-aged Midwestern, budget-conscious appearance was far too déclassé for such a place.
But our appointment for Akhob was the first of the day, and we arrived early enough to join the line - yes, there's a line! - to get into the Louis Vuitton store, with people already lined up and champing at the bit to descend upon the store, to feast on luxury handbags and shoes and whatever other items can express that you have money and ostensibly sophistication, all of which I was sorely lacking.
Yet while I was worried about whether my button-down and jeans were acceptable, the line was filled with, well, people in wife-beaters and shorts, crop-tops and neon miniskirts, the wardrobe of a beer-drenched Spring Break and not the opulent sophistication that I expected. Who were these people? What does luxury mean anymore?
Suddenly, I heard a voice calling my name, and as the 10am drunken party people descended upon the Louis Vuitton store, we were pulled aside by an incredibly sophisticated young lady, who ushered us into a private elevator, and then into a small room with an equally sophisticated administrator, sitting in impeccable, dim lighting to brief us on the terms of our visit. From there, we were ushered into Turrell's artwork, walking up a postmodern, ivory staircase to be bathed in color and light, to stare into the abyss, to feel our heartbeat, to be swallowed by the experience of our senses.
There is nothing in Vegas to match the experience of spending a revelatory half hour in Akhob, an experience that costs literally nothing other than time, only to be ushered back down the private elevator, past the curiously unwashed masses who certainly had expensive rooms and were purchasing bags for thousands of dollars in this cathedral of capitalism, wondering what to make of life. The contrast was absurd, and bizarre. I'm not sure I dug the tone of this article, but the description of the "radiant scum" of a Vegas trip just doesn't seem off.
posted by eschatfische at 8:58 AM on October 15, 2023 [32 favorites]
Today I learnt the Gonzo Journalist formula really doesn't work very well when your hardest drug is the occasional glass of booze and your drug-addled escapades are mostly limited to "actually covering the convention your editor sent you to write about".
posted by egypturnash at 9:01 AM on October 15, 2023 [10 favorites]
posted by egypturnash at 9:01 AM on October 15, 2023 [10 favorites]
The Baffler is generally leftist and typically humorous so any similarity to HST is probably a reference to Fear and Loathing.
YMMV if this is a thing you like.
posted by fiercekitten at 9:08 AM on October 15, 2023 [1 favorite]
YMMV if this is a thing you like.
posted by fiercekitten at 9:08 AM on October 15, 2023 [1 favorite]
Finding a new Turrell installation makes my day. Thanks, eschatfische.
posted by Callisto Prime at 9:30 AM on October 15, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by Callisto Prime at 9:30 AM on October 15, 2023 [5 favorites]
If Vegas sounds too sad to click, then maybe go search for burning man stories instead.
posted by jeffburdges at 10:19 AM on October 15, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by jeffburdges at 10:19 AM on October 15, 2023 [2 favorites]
Ok so I think this writer has promise. I got lost a bit but I think editing might have been the deliquency. This batch of words makes me want to see more down the line:
Both men entered with in-progress drinks, scanned the menu like air mattress directions, and then engulfed themselves in scrolling for the rest of the meal.
posted by drowsy at 10:57 AM on October 15, 2023 [3 favorites]
Both men entered with in-progress drinks, scanned the menu like air mattress directions, and then engulfed themselves in scrolling for the rest of the meal.
posted by drowsy at 10:57 AM on October 15, 2023 [3 favorites]
Is this a literature?
posted by Baethan at 12:00 PM on October 15, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Baethan at 12:00 PM on October 15, 2023 [1 favorite]
Gout is not dropsy. Words mean things!
posted by inexorably_forward at 12:57 PM on October 15, 2023 [7 favorites]
posted by inexorably_forward at 12:57 PM on October 15, 2023 [7 favorites]
That reads a little B level trying too hard because of sentences like the ones mentioned above, but it is kind of funny and worth reading. The author maybe needs to go from editing to being edited.
posted by blue shadows at 2:19 PM on October 15, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by blue shadows at 2:19 PM on October 15, 2023 [2 favorites]
An article seemingly written by someone who has just discovered the work of Hunter S. Thompson.
And yet somehow missed that Hunter always strove for clarity in his writing.
posted by oneirodynia at 2:43 PM on October 15, 2023 [7 favorites]
And yet somehow missed that Hunter always strove for clarity in his writing.
posted by oneirodynia at 2:43 PM on October 15, 2023 [7 favorites]
Ok so I think this writer has promise. I got lost a bit but I think editing might have been the deliquency.
Based on what he wrote about his editor that was quoted above, I suspect that if I were his editor, the temptation to give the overly precious Hunter S. Thompson wanna-be and sex pest enough rope, editorially speaking, would be quite strong, and any lack of editing would be more deliberate choice than delinquency.
posted by eviemath at 4:06 PM on October 15, 2023 [1 favorite]
Based on what he wrote about his editor that was quoted above, I suspect that if I were his editor, the temptation to give the overly precious Hunter S. Thompson wanna-be and sex pest enough rope, editorially speaking, would be quite strong, and any lack of editing would be more deliberate choice than delinquency.
posted by eviemath at 4:06 PM on October 15, 2023 [1 favorite]
(1) Meow Wolf's "Omega Mart" is an interactive art installation, in Las Vegas since 2021
(2) The Omegaverse's "Omega Mart" predates (1), and is entirely different
posted by Iris Gambol at 9:06 PM on October 15, 2023 [1 favorite]
(2) The Omegaverse's "Omega Mart" predates (1), and is entirely different
posted by Iris Gambol at 9:06 PM on October 15, 2023 [1 favorite]
"We can't stop here, this is pastiche territory!"
posted by k3ninho at 12:26 AM on October 16, 2023 [7 favorites]
posted by k3ninho at 12:26 AM on October 16, 2023 [7 favorites]
Seriously, only a boy could write this garbage. And I do mean boy. Man-child. An eternal, deeply fucking annoying adolescent. The kind of sniggering pimple-farm that mistakes the thesaurus for erudition and a polite smile for sexual availability.
Thank god lad mags are dead - this is the exact kind of greasy shit they gleefully smeared all over the place in the name of gonzo.
posted by prismatic7 at 6:34 AM on October 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
Thank god lad mags are dead - this is the exact kind of greasy shit they gleefully smeared all over the place in the name of gonzo.
posted by prismatic7 at 6:34 AM on October 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
As for the crone line, attempts to read it as a typo for "crony," or indeed anything other than a synonym for "old woman," are not tenable.
The writer might really be so naive that he is not aware of what he is doing, using the word "crone" in that sentence. He's definitely talking about an older-than-him woman co-worker who has enough pull to send him on OOO trips as part of a campaign to get him to stop being a pest.
The prose is definitely tryhard HST pastiche. I ran into "I was trying to beat back a fasting spell with meat and cheese..." and felt like I was looking at the output of a travesty generator.
posted by Aardvark Cheeselog at 7:16 AM on October 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
The writer might really be so naive that he is not aware of what he is doing, using the word "crone" in that sentence. He's definitely talking about an older-than-him woman co-worker who has enough pull to send him on OOO trips as part of a campaign to get him to stop being a pest.
The prose is definitely tryhard HST pastiche. I ran into "I was trying to beat back a fasting spell with meat and cheese..." and felt like I was looking at the output of a travesty generator.
posted by Aardvark Cheeselog at 7:16 AM on October 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
This reads better in Onstad's voice.
posted by aesop at 9:17 AM on October 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by aesop at 9:17 AM on October 16, 2023 [2 favorites]
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Sorry, he lost me at “an old crone on my college paper.” A …graduate student? An advisor? Who is sending him to cigar conferences so he won’t be a sex pest? I’m just very confused right now. Is this something I would have to have more coffee to understand? Probably.
posted by chesty_a_arthur at 8:03 AM on October 15, 2023 [12 favorites]