GTFOOH with that fondue pot
December 20, 2023 11:23 AM Subscribe
Good people of MetaFilter, IT IS HERE. The 2023 Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog (Drew Magary, Defector). That’s it. That’s the $4,999 FPP.
Poor Josten!
posted by mittens at 11:32 AM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by mittens at 11:32 AM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]
Gotta' say that's a nice burr grinder. And now I want a Stanley Tucci pan.
posted by HumanComplex at 11:33 AM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by HumanComplex at 11:33 AM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
Honestly, when’s the last time you had fondue? Was it on a ski trip with Leisure Suit Larry back in 1979?
I can't explain why this is funnier than anything else in here -- because it's not -- but it is.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:42 AM on December 20, 2023 [11 favorites]
I can't explain why this is funnier than anything else in here -- because it's not -- but it is.
posted by uncleozzy at 11:42 AM on December 20, 2023 [11 favorites]
More Stanley Tucci penis content than I expected!
posted by Countess Elena at 11:43 AM on December 20, 2023 [19 favorites]
posted by Countess Elena at 11:43 AM on December 20, 2023 [19 favorites]
Gotta' say that's a nice burr grinder. And now I want a Stanley Tucci pan.
This is barely a euphemism!
posted by East14thTaco at 11:45 AM on December 20, 2023 [5 favorites]
This is barely a euphemism!
posted by East14thTaco at 11:45 AM on December 20, 2023 [5 favorites]
Perhaps it's not in the catalog, but they chose the wrong simplehuman product to profile. You see, they now also make an automated UV phone sanitizer you can slip your phone into while you wash your hands. If you've ever thought to yourself "I would like to buy my phone the gift of sensuously fucking a toaster", then this is the product for you.
posted by phooky at 11:49 AM on December 20, 2023 [21 favorites]
posted by phooky at 11:49 AM on December 20, 2023 [21 favorites]
That peppermint bark is really good though.
posted by Jeff_Larson at 11:51 AM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by Jeff_Larson at 11:51 AM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
If you've ever thought to yourself "I would like to buy my phone the gift of sensuously fucking a toaster", then this is the product for you.
I feel unclean just having visited the page, which I don't think is the purpose of a cleaning product.
posted by bacalao_y_betun at 11:55 AM on December 20, 2023 [6 favorites]
I feel unclean just having visited the page, which I don't think is the purpose of a cleaning product.
posted by bacalao_y_betun at 11:55 AM on December 20, 2023 [6 favorites]
I like to think that I can string words together in a moderately appealing way, but on my best day, I’m not approaching the majesty of “occupies a carbon footprint the size of a Bhutanese crypto mine”.
posted by dr_dank at 12:03 PM on December 20, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by dr_dank at 12:03 PM on December 20, 2023 [6 favorites]
This is starting to be how I know another year has passed. Seems faster with each etc etc etc
posted by aesop at 12:04 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by aesop at 12:04 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
I love fondue. Why can't we love fondue again? What's wrong with crusty bread and apples and maybe (for the adventurous) very tiny pickles, all swirled with melty delicious cheese and white wine? What's wrong with sharing warm, cheesy goodness with another middle-aged couple, wearing winter sweaters and listening to Burt Bacharach by the fire? Why do we feel the need to scoff at such pleasures?
Ahh, but those hipsters in the know, in order to avoid the shag funk of the '70s and the scorn from boomers for engaging in unfashionable past trends, the powers that be have changed the lowly fondue party to a raclette party with a giant weird oblong raclette melter as opposed to just a nice pot you have down in a cabinet somewhere. A machine so expensive and specialized that you need to rent it for your fancy cheese party as opposed to just having a nice little pot you bought for $50 or whatever that you pull out once or twice a year for cheesy deliciousness and also does hot pot or shabu shabu.
I do have to admit I was hoping that the fondue pot was a ludicrous $4,999 and FPP stood for "fondue pot post".
But seriously, fondue is an unalloyed good. Don't get me started on what happened to disco.
posted by eschatfische at 12:11 PM on December 20, 2023 [69 favorites]
Ahh, but those hipsters in the know, in order to avoid the shag funk of the '70s and the scorn from boomers for engaging in unfashionable past trends, the powers that be have changed the lowly fondue party to a raclette party with a giant weird oblong raclette melter as opposed to just a nice pot you have down in a cabinet somewhere. A machine so expensive and specialized that you need to rent it for your fancy cheese party as opposed to just having a nice little pot you bought for $50 or whatever that you pull out once or twice a year for cheesy deliciousness and also does hot pot or shabu shabu.
I do have to admit I was hoping that the fondue pot was a ludicrous $4,999 and FPP stood for "fondue pot post".
But seriously, fondue is an unalloyed good. Don't get me started on what happened to disco.
posted by eschatfische at 12:11 PM on December 20, 2023 [69 favorites]
Back when I was a little boy, fondue was not cheese, nor chocolate...
Big chunks or meat, hot oil. OMG, so good.
But that was 40 years ago, so... Not buying that
posted by Windopaene at 12:16 PM on December 20, 2023
Big chunks or meat, hot oil. OMG, so good.
But that was 40 years ago, so... Not buying that
posted by Windopaene at 12:16 PM on December 20, 2023
Meat in oil is hot pot, isn't it?
Fondue is wonderful. My favorite way to consume more cheese than is ever reasonable in one sitting
posted by Baethan at 12:19 PM on December 20, 2023 [5 favorites]
Fondue is wonderful. My favorite way to consume more cheese than is ever reasonable in one sitting
posted by Baethan at 12:19 PM on December 20, 2023 [5 favorites]
But seriously, fondue is an unalloyed good.
QFT.
Also: “One summer afternoon Mrs Oedipa Maas came home from a Tupperware party whose hostess had put perhaps too much kirsch in the fondue to find that she, Oedipa, had been named executor, or she supposed executrix, of the estate of one Pierce Inverarity, a California real estate mogul who had once lost two million dollars in his spare time but still had assets numerous and tangled enough to make the job of sorting it all out more than honorary.”
posted by chavenet at 12:24 PM on December 20, 2023 [9 favorites]
QFT.
Also: “One summer afternoon Mrs Oedipa Maas came home from a Tupperware party whose hostess had put perhaps too much kirsch in the fondue to find that she, Oedipa, had been named executor, or she supposed executrix, of the estate of one Pierce Inverarity, a California real estate mogul who had once lost two million dollars in his spare time but still had assets numerous and tangled enough to make the job of sorting it all out more than honorary.”
posted by chavenet at 12:24 PM on December 20, 2023 [9 favorites]
Honestly, Quebec is one of the last few places in North America that is making damn sure fondue doesn't go anywhere. I remember noticing that when I lived there.
posted by Kitteh at 12:28 PM on December 20, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by Kitteh at 12:28 PM on December 20, 2023 [4 favorites]
I love fondue! It always perplexed me, though, that it was so damned expensive in the few restaurants here that serve it.
posted by Thorzdad at 12:31 PM on December 20, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by Thorzdad at 12:31 PM on December 20, 2023 [6 favorites]
Honestly, Quebec is one of the last few places in North America that is making damn sure fondue doesn't go anywhere. I remember noticing that when I lived there.
I have very fond memories of trips to Quebec as a child and going to fondue restaurants in the middle of winter. Cheese to start, oil pots with meat for the main course, then chocolate for dessert. I know we got the Melting Pot chain in the US when I was older, but it was never quite the same.
posted by Zargon X at 12:31 PM on December 20, 2023 [4 favorites]
I have very fond memories of trips to Quebec as a child and going to fondue restaurants in the middle of winter. Cheese to start, oil pots with meat for the main course, then chocolate for dessert. I know we got the Melting Pot chain in the US when I was older, but it was never quite the same.
posted by Zargon X at 12:31 PM on December 20, 2023 [4 favorites]
Back when I was a little boy, fondue was not cheese, nor chocolate...
Big chunks or meat, hot oil. OMG, so good.
But that was 40 years ago, so... Not buying that
Back when I was single and throwing dinner parties, fondue was cooked steak dipped in hot cheese, with bread and grapes. It was always a big hit. Sadly, Grumpybearbride is not a fondue fan.
posted by grumpybear69 at 12:33 PM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
Big chunks or meat, hot oil. OMG, so good.
But that was 40 years ago, so... Not buying that
Back when I was single and throwing dinner parties, fondue was cooked steak dipped in hot cheese, with bread and grapes. It was always a big hit. Sadly, Grumpybearbride is not a fondue fan.
posted by grumpybear69 at 12:33 PM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
Sadly, Grumpybearbride is not a fondue fan.
By the powers invested in me by the mayor of Cheesetown, I hereby grant this annulment.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 12:35 PM on December 20, 2023 [18 favorites]
By the powers invested in me by the mayor of Cheesetown, I hereby grant this annulment.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 12:35 PM on December 20, 2023 [18 favorites]
All I'm hearing is that you don't have to share the fondue, so in terms of cheese consumption, sounds like a pretty good marriage
posted by Baethan at 12:39 PM on December 20, 2023 [14 favorites]
posted by Baethan at 12:39 PM on December 20, 2023 [14 favorites]
Thanks for posting this. I will be laughing thinking about this article next week as I suffer through some of my hipster friends' cliche display of conspicuous consumption for the holidays.
posted by effluvia at 12:39 PM on December 20, 2023
posted by effluvia at 12:39 PM on December 20, 2023
My fondue set might be from the 70s (or maybe the 90s), but that doesn't mean that that was the last time I used it. I actually really want fondue right now. If any of you have fondue before this thread closes, I hope you report back on how great it was.
posted by eckeric at 12:40 PM on December 20, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by eckeric at 12:40 PM on December 20, 2023 [4 favorites]
2023: the Gaza and the fentanyl and what have you
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:41 PM on December 20, 2023 [12 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:41 PM on December 20, 2023 [12 favorites]
Hurrah!
posted by Faintdreams at 12:44 PM on December 20, 2023
posted by Faintdreams at 12:44 PM on December 20, 2023
By the powers invested in me by the mayor of Cheesetown, I hereby grant this annulment.
If fondue were that important to me, she would not be Grumpybearbride.
posted by grumpybear69 at 12:45 PM on December 20, 2023 [7 favorites]
If fondue were that important to me, she would not be Grumpybearbride.
posted by grumpybear69 at 12:45 PM on December 20, 2023 [7 favorites]
Stanley's Tooch is the band name of the day
posted by gottabefunky at 12:45 PM on December 20, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by gottabefunky at 12:45 PM on December 20, 2023 [4 favorites]
I'm not sure I even want my carbonation taken to "the next level".
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:51 PM on December 20, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:51 PM on December 20, 2023 [6 favorites]
Nonononono...I wanted the SMEG, Ma!
posted by Chuffy at 12:53 PM on December 20, 2023 [7 favorites]
posted by Chuffy at 12:53 PM on December 20, 2023 [7 favorites]
However, I would like to meet someone named Balsam Hill "Silverado Slim" Fauxtree - who is without doubt a high-stakes poker player and a pool shark - just once.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:54 PM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:54 PM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]
We have a Melting Pot restaurant nearby and it's a splurge, but always a surefire good time when we have company or we're celebrating a birthday or something. Fondue haters can go scratch.
posted by JoeZydeco at 12:55 PM on December 20, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by JoeZydeco at 12:55 PM on December 20, 2023 [5 favorites]
What's wrong with sharing warm, cheesy goodness with another middle-aged couple
Look, what you do behind closed doors is your business, but don't force it down the rest of our throats.
posted by praemunire at 12:56 PM on December 20, 2023 [9 favorites]
Look, what you do behind closed doors is your business, but don't force it down the rest of our throats.
posted by praemunire at 12:56 PM on December 20, 2023 [9 favorites]
Id go back and look, but that would require work, but man that opener was dark in a way I don't remember from before.
but thankfully the WS catalog remains absurd and I suspect fondue got hit with the 80's "Low Fat is best health" fad. Personally, I'll consume more cheese than any 4 out of 5 doctors would feel comfortable with and be proud of it.
posted by drewbage1847 at 12:58 PM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]
but thankfully the WS catalog remains absurd and I suspect fondue got hit with the 80's "Low Fat is best health" fad. Personally, I'll consume more cheese than any 4 out of 5 doctors would feel comfortable with and be proud of it.
posted by drewbage1847 at 12:58 PM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]
the powers that be have changed the lowly fondue party to a raclette party with a giant weird oblong raclette melter as opposed to just a nice pot you have down in a cabinet somewhere.
You're not wrong except that I got my raclette set from the thrift store after it had been on my list of stuff I keep an eye out for about a year; before that, we borrowed from those when knew who owned their own already. My raclette (maker?) didn't come with the little pans for melting your cheese but we picked up some mini cast irons from the thrift for $1 each and they work a treat.
Fondue is also great but seems like so much cheese (or chocolate and I admit I don't really understand the broth fondue at all - I should fix that!). We also have a fondue set... or actually two fondue sets because my mom gave me her awesome old mod one and we haven't yet given our old one to the thrift store to be displayed with the other ones.
posted by urbanlenny at 12:58 PM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
You're not wrong except that I got my raclette set from the thrift store after it had been on my list of stuff I keep an eye out for about a year; before that, we borrowed from those when knew who owned their own already. My raclette (maker?) didn't come with the little pans for melting your cheese but we picked up some mini cast irons from the thrift for $1 each and they work a treat.
Fondue is also great but seems like so much cheese (or chocolate and I admit I don't really understand the broth fondue at all - I should fix that!). We also have a fondue set... or actually two fondue sets because my mom gave me her awesome old mod one and we haven't yet given our old one to the thrift store to be displayed with the other ones.
posted by urbanlenny at 12:58 PM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
I'd love to see an accounting of the number of sales Williams Sonoma has made directly from these articles over the years, because I would bet it is distinctly non-zero.
(What I'm saying is I might get a burr grinder.)
posted by eponym at 1:07 PM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
(What I'm saying is I might get a burr grinder.)
posted by eponym at 1:07 PM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
I have fondue plans and relevant supplies for the holiday break. (Also spanakopita plans, but those don't involve expensive gear so W-S wouldn't be interested.) Cheery to see so many other fondue fans here!
posted by humbug at 1:07 PM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by humbug at 1:07 PM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]
Metafilter: elevates your milk texturing game
posted by Foosnark at 1:10 PM on December 20, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by Foosnark at 1:10 PM on December 20, 2023 [5 favorites]
Probably a typo, but the Christmas tree description (in the caption) says 8" (tall?). Unless I'm reading it wrong. I kept trying to figure out the joke before assuming a typo.
I love this list and look forward to it every year.
posted by sundrop at 1:10 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
I love this list and look forward to it every year.
posted by sundrop at 1:10 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
I think the large volume of cheese required is a big part of why fondue is expensive in restaurants--a pot full of melted Gruyere or Emmental doesn't come cheap, and these folks say half a pound of cheese per person (they also say that the Swiss Cheese Union marketed fondue in the US in the '60s and '70s, and I would like to know more about these efforts).
You know, I kinda do want to take my carbonation to the next level.
I'm a bit of a sensory seeker when it comes to food, and am always on the lookout for that tongue-melting hot sauce, or horseradish that could do double duty as a decongestant, or Scotch that tastes like dying in a fire in a peat bog (recommendations welcome for all of the above), or etc., etc.
Maximum carbonation is my Everest now.
posted by box at 1:12 PM on December 20, 2023 [6 favorites]
You know, I kinda do want to take my carbonation to the next level.
I'm a bit of a sensory seeker when it comes to food, and am always on the lookout for that tongue-melting hot sauce, or horseradish that could do double duty as a decongestant, or Scotch that tastes like dying in a fire in a peat bog (recommendations welcome for all of the above), or etc., etc.
Maximum carbonation is my Everest now.
posted by box at 1:12 PM on December 20, 2023 [6 favorites]
Metafilter: elevates your milk texturing game
I let my milk texturing game lavish during the pandemic, and now I'm so far behind I'll never get it back up to its previous level.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:19 PM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
I let my milk texturing game lavish during the pandemic, and now I'm so far behind I'll never get it back up to its previous level.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:19 PM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
Joining the ranks of unapologetic cheese fondue lovers and makers here. All set for the holidays for a decadent 4-cheese version of Moitié-Moitié with a huge pile of aged Gruyere, Vacherin, Emmentaler and a bit of ripe brie for extra creaminess. My car still smells from transporting my cheesy treasures the other day.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 1:28 PM on December 20, 2023 [8 favorites]
posted by Hairy Lobster at 1:28 PM on December 20, 2023 [8 favorites]
8” SILVERADO SLIM FAUX TREE
What we have here is a Christmas tree, that was in danger of being crushed, by a dwarf.
I can't decide if it's the Hater's Guide or this thread that is funnier.
posted by MtDewd at 1:30 PM on December 20, 2023 [4 favorites]
What we have here is a Christmas tree, that was in danger of being crushed, by a dwarf.
I can't decide if it's the Hater's Guide or this thread that is funnier.
posted by MtDewd at 1:30 PM on December 20, 2023 [4 favorites]
You know, I kinda do want to take my carbonation to the next level.
Oh, that's easy: just hold your breath during an emergency SCUBA ascent.
posted by aramaic at 1:33 PM on December 20, 2023 [6 favorites]
Oh, that's easy: just hold your breath during an emergency SCUBA ascent.
posted by aramaic at 1:33 PM on December 20, 2023 [6 favorites]
My favorite phrase:
breast pump for Negronis
I didn't even know Negronis came from mammals...
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:35 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
breast pump for Negronis
I didn't even know Negronis came from mammals...
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:35 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
Probably a typo, but the Christmas tree description (in the caption) says 8" (tall?). Unless I'm reading it wrong. I kept trying to figure out the joke before assuming a typo.I caught that too.
I love this list and look forward to it every year.
ITEM #20-9601959 – BALSAM HILL 8” SILVERADO SLIM FAUX TREE WITH CLEAR LED LIGHTS
David St. Hubbins does not approve.
posted by Billy Rubin at 1:37 PM on December 20, 2023 [12 favorites]
Damnit, now I really want to drag spouse to the Melting Pot tonight and get our fondue on.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 1:38 PM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 1:38 PM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]
Carbonated fondue run through a six burr grinder poured deftly over an 8” Christmas tree as a table decoration. Class!
posted by njohnson23 at 1:41 PM on December 20, 2023 [15 favorites]
posted by njohnson23 at 1:41 PM on December 20, 2023 [15 favorites]
I've commented here and there about how for some reason 2023 has become The Year Of The Holiday Print Catalog here in the hippybear household. It's been truly confounding, I'm not sure we've ever ordered from any of these companies ever.
The winner as far as truly astounding for price was Chesapeake Bay Crab Cakes & More, a company I know we have absolutely NEVER ordered anything from. The elaborately overpriced food in the catalog reaches its pinnacle, I think, with a 32oz creamed spinach for only $44.95. That one is possibly the highest ratio of dollars to actual food value I've found in the catalog, but I haven't spent THAT much time with it.
Thanks for posting this. It's always one of my favorite bits of this time of year.
posted by hippybear at 1:47 PM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
The winner as far as truly astounding for price was Chesapeake Bay Crab Cakes & More, a company I know we have absolutely NEVER ordered anything from. The elaborately overpriced food in the catalog reaches its pinnacle, I think, with a 32oz creamed spinach for only $44.95. That one is possibly the highest ratio of dollars to actual food value I've found in the catalog, but I haven't spent THAT much time with it.
Thanks for posting this. It's always one of my favorite bits of this time of year.
posted by hippybear at 1:47 PM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
As someone who grew up with Red Dwarf, SMEG as a brand name will never not be funny. They are very pretty fridges, though.
posted by HypotheticalWoman at 2:04 PM on December 20, 2023 [16 favorites]
posted by HypotheticalWoman at 2:04 PM on December 20, 2023 [16 favorites]
Oh glob, I just paid 150 scarse dollars for the latest COVID vaccination. I can't help but expect it'll be in next years catalog.
posted by JHarris at 2:08 PM on December 20, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by JHarris at 2:08 PM on December 20, 2023 [4 favorites]
8” SILVERADO SLIM FAUX TREE
And oh how they danced
The little children of Stonehenge
Beneath the haunted moon
For fear that daybreak might come too soon
And where are they now?
The little people of Stonehenge
And what would they say to us?
If we were here, tonight
word
posted by chavenet at 2:27 PM on December 20, 2023 [5 favorites]
And oh how they danced
The little children of Stonehenge
Beneath the haunted moon
For fear that daybreak might come too soon
And where are they now?
The little people of Stonehenge
And what would they say to us?
If we were here, tonight
word
posted by chavenet at 2:27 PM on December 20, 2023 [5 favorites]
While my adult self knows that SMEG is a ritzy kitchen appliance brand, my inner 12-yr-old jumps to Red Dwarf associations and snickers. Imagine spending almost $900 on a smegging not-entirely-automatic espresso machine.
Yes, I know they're generally very expensive but that is major appliance money to me and this is also mostly intended as a joke.
posted by smirkette at 2:32 PM on December 20, 2023 [5 favorites]
Yes, I know they're generally very expensive but that is major appliance money to me and this is also mostly intended as a joke.
posted by smirkette at 2:32 PM on December 20, 2023 [5 favorites]
I unironically want those Stanley Tucci pans (one of the two pans I own is a Green Pan and I really do like it) and the prospect of considering his lil' Tooch every time I use them is maybe almost...a benefit?
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 2:53 PM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 2:53 PM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]
Anyone have any recommendations for fiction to read if I want to live a little longer in the snarky richy-rich universe from the introduction?
...Is this just a sign that I need to read my Nancy Mitford books again?
posted by The demon that lives in the air at 2:57 PM on December 20, 2023
...Is this just a sign that I need to read my Nancy Mitford books again?
posted by The demon that lives in the air at 2:57 PM on December 20, 2023
FTFA: I bet her name is Graceley or something.
surely "Jreighzleigh"
posted by glonous keming at 5:01 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
surely "Jreighzleigh"
posted by glonous keming at 5:01 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
I have an earlier model soda stream (acquired secondhand through neighborhood Facebook, for the record), and the comparatively weak fizz level of the output is largely why I keep buying cans instead of using the damn thing as my sole seltzer source. Not that I’m immediately going to go out and buy the next generation at WS price right now, but I could easily be convinced once it hits the secondhand market.
For box and anyone else seeking the maximum carbonation experience, the best I’ve been able to find is either Topo Chico or Mineragua.
Also lil’ tooch is such a darling euphemism, I want to use it for all penises now.
posted by ActionPopulated at 5:29 PM on December 20, 2023
For box and anyone else seeking the maximum carbonation experience, the best I’ve been able to find is either Topo Chico or Mineragua.
Also lil’ tooch is such a darling euphemism, I want to use it for all penises now.
posted by ActionPopulated at 5:29 PM on December 20, 2023
The only reason I have not yet used the vintage 1970 fondue set I asked my mom to send me when she was downsizing to move, is that she didn't pack it well, so the wood lazy suzan stand for it needs fixing. (Also that one of the friends I would want to invite over has horrible asthma to the point he can't physically be in a room that has Sterno or candles burning. If anyone has alternate ideas on how to keep one of those old classic pots warm, let me know.)
posted by dnash at 5:30 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by dnash at 5:30 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
Graisley, to evoke the timeless beauty of paisley and also to be androgynous in the only widely accepted way in middle class America
posted by Baethan at 5:31 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Baethan at 5:31 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
> Anyone have any recommendations for fiction to read if I want to live a little longer in the snarky richy-rich universe from the introduction?
Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan?
posted by ver at 5:50 PM on December 20, 2023 [4 favorites]
Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan?
posted by ver at 5:50 PM on December 20, 2023 [4 favorites]
Gaines wasn't just drinking to forget that night.
posted by oldnumberseven at 6:05 PM on December 20, 2023
posted by oldnumberseven at 6:05 PM on December 20, 2023
When I was in Germany back in the late Eighties, I was introduced to sort of a companion to fondue, but it's where you have little trays you assemble and have a mini grill or I think more appropriately phrased as a broiler? Like a multi-sided broiler unit in the middle of the table that people can slide their trays into for broiling?
I'm not describing this well, and I don't know the words to search for. I just remember feeling "oh, this is like fondue only sort of the opposite" or something.
posted by hippybear at 6:21 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
I'm not describing this well, and I don't know the words to search for. I just remember feeling "oh, this is like fondue only sort of the opposite" or something.
posted by hippybear at 6:21 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
Hmm, think I might order that compost caddy, actually.
posted by kickingtheground at 6:44 PM on December 20, 2023
posted by kickingtheground at 6:44 PM on December 20, 2023
dnash, a portable induction burner would be a way to have a no-flame fondue. And also to cook outside when it’s hot inside.
posted by janell at 7:05 PM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by janell at 7:05 PM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
What's with this Lomi composting thing I hear about on podcasts all the time? Anyone know anything about that?
posted by hippybear at 7:06 PM on December 20, 2023
posted by hippybear at 7:06 PM on December 20, 2023
Hippybear, the little tray things, that's Raclette.
posted by Hairy Lobster at 7:30 PM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by Hairy Lobster at 7:30 PM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
Do they make a combo fondue/raclette setup? Because that would be AMAZING! And so energy intensive!
posted by hippybear at 7:33 PM on December 20, 2023
posted by hippybear at 7:33 PM on December 20, 2023
OK, what restaurant in Seattle will serve me fondue? Do I have to go to Bellevue and the Melting Pot, which I don't want to go to mainly because "a 4% surcharge will be added to all guest checks to help offset increasing costs" instead of just raising their listed prices by 4%?
I last had fondue in the early 1980s on a ski trip to Switzerland. (The more details I give the less impressive and James Bond-y it becomes, so let's leave it there.)
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:34 PM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]
I last had fondue in the early 1980s on a ski trip to Switzerland. (The more details I give the less impressive and James Bond-y it becomes, so let's leave it there.)
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:34 PM on December 20, 2023 [3 favorites]
Do they make a combo fondue/raclette setup?
Fondette? Raclue?
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:46 PM on December 20, 2023 [5 favorites]
Fondette? Raclue?
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:46 PM on December 20, 2023 [5 favorites]
I think I had Raclue And The Fondettes' first album.
posted by hippybear at 7:49 PM on December 20, 2023 [10 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 7:49 PM on December 20, 2023 [10 favorites]
Combo fondue/raclette appliances exist, mostly in Europe. The raclette is slightly different since you put a slice of cheese in a little spatula and then that is exposed to the broiler. Same idea though.
Seems like a thing W/S would carry but, alas, we're just not ready for it on this side of the pond.
posted by JoeZydeco at 8:16 PM on December 20, 2023
Seems like a thing W/S would carry but, alas, we're just not ready for it on this side of the pond.
posted by JoeZydeco at 8:16 PM on December 20, 2023
What other sort of little "prepare yourself a small serving" sort of things exist? I feel like it can't just be fondue and raclette...
posted by hippybear at 8:28 PM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 8:28 PM on December 20, 2023 [2 favorites]
If there's anything you want to pipe out hot white cream on something you'll ingest, it's an expensive machine with SMEG in big letters on it.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 8:46 PM on December 20, 2023 [11 favorites]
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 8:46 PM on December 20, 2023 [11 favorites]
What other sort of little "prepare yourself a small serving" sort of things exist?
Well, if you've got some cheese and a knife; and perhaps a few crackers if you're feeling especially festive...
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:05 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
Well, if you've got some cheese and a knife; and perhaps a few crackers if you're feeling especially festive...
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:05 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
Travel Man also imputes a slightly seedy connotation to fondue.
posted by credulous at 9:34 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by credulous at 9:34 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
For anyone coveting Smeg brand appliances - I bought a Smeg fridge freezer in a lovely shade of duck-egg blue and I kind of regret it. It's very pretty, but the design is annoying in a couple of ways. The doors are so thick that it has to be quite a distance from the wall on the side where the door opens, which is annoying in my small British kitchen. Also, the fridge door overhangs the top drawer of the freezer to such a degree that you can barely access the drawer.
posted by alfhild at 11:04 PM on December 20, 2023
posted by alfhild at 11:04 PM on December 20, 2023
I recall a fondue with hot oil and meat — and cheese,
We alternated chunks of meat with chunks of deep-fried cheese.
It was delicious.
posted by jamjam at 11:58 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
We alternated chunks of meat with chunks of deep-fried cheese.
It was delicious.
posted by jamjam at 11:58 PM on December 20, 2023 [1 favorite]
I raised the issue of the Le Crueset fondue set with my SO, I have concluded she would be delighted to receive one (this is not what she said but subtext) even though we both recognise it would get used a maximum of twice.
Compulsory: Asterix in Switzerland.
posted by biffa at 4:35 AM on December 21, 2023 [1 favorite]
Compulsory: Asterix in Switzerland.
posted by biffa at 4:35 AM on December 21, 2023 [1 favorite]
I had fondue literally last weekend. Not a leisure suit in sight.
posted by Bunny Boneyology at 4:38 AM on December 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by Bunny Boneyology at 4:38 AM on December 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
Meat in oil is hot pot, isn't it?
No - meat in BROTH is hot pot.
That peppermint bark is really good though.
You can actually make it yourself for like $15. Let our friend B. Dylan Hollis show you how!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:58 AM on December 21, 2023 [3 favorites]
No - meat in BROTH is hot pot.
That peppermint bark is really good though.
You can actually make it yourself for like $15. Let our friend B. Dylan Hollis show you how!
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:58 AM on December 21, 2023 [3 favorites]
Interesting. Back about 15 years ago, a dear friend became CIO for WS. I wasn't familiar with them at all. She did good at got written up in one of the business magazines. Then died of pancreatic cancer :-(
posted by Goofyy at 7:34 AM on December 21, 2023
posted by Goofyy at 7:34 AM on December 21, 2023
I was just at a fancy kitchen store on the weekend and they had a giant display of many lovely retro-looking expensive appliances with S M E G written on them in giant chrome letters. Even if I could afford the things, after Red Dwarf I just couldn't have one of those in my house.
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:05 AM on December 21, 2023
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:05 AM on December 21, 2023
Honestly, Quebec is one of the last few places in North America that is making damn sure fondue doesn't go anywhere. I remember noticing that when I lived there.
I guess we are, because I was totally taken aback at the hate for fondue in linked article.
'Chinese fondue' (hot pot) with friends was staple of our early just-out-of-college years, fancy enough it feels like real food, easy enough even a bunch of guys can pull it together (this was before I learned to cook), it's quick to prepare, tasty enough and it can go on forever.
Nowadays we mostly do the swiss one (cheeeeeeeese!) and it's so good! If you're in Montreal Fromagerie Hamel sells packs of their cheese blend (with good instructions) which is unfortunately more expensive than just getting your preferred mix of Gruyere and Vacherin Fribourgeois and grate it at home but it's very convenient and 1000% better than the thing you can get at the grocery store that pretends to be cheese fondue.
Also that one of the friends I would want to invite over has horrible asthma to the point he can't physically be in a room that has Sterno or candles burning. If anyone has alternate ideas on how to keep one of those old classic pots warm, let me know.
We bring our portable induction cooktop on the table since we got fed up of playing with the burners, might work since it looks like enameled cast iron. They do sell electric fondue pots (with a connection that detaches if somebody pulls on the coord) for pretty cheap though, we're looking at getting one.
posted by WaterAndPixels at 8:10 AM on December 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
I guess we are, because I was totally taken aback at the hate for fondue in linked article.
'Chinese fondue' (hot pot) with friends was staple of our early just-out-of-college years, fancy enough it feels like real food, easy enough even a bunch of guys can pull it together (this was before I learned to cook), it's quick to prepare, tasty enough and it can go on forever.
Nowadays we mostly do the swiss one (cheeeeeeeese!) and it's so good! If you're in Montreal Fromagerie Hamel sells packs of their cheese blend (with good instructions) which is unfortunately more expensive than just getting your preferred mix of Gruyere and Vacherin Fribourgeois and grate it at home but it's very convenient and 1000% better than the thing you can get at the grocery store that pretends to be cheese fondue.
Also that one of the friends I would want to invite over has horrible asthma to the point he can't physically be in a room that has Sterno or candles burning. If anyone has alternate ideas on how to keep one of those old classic pots warm, let me know.
We bring our portable induction cooktop on the table since we got fed up of playing with the burners, might work since it looks like enameled cast iron. They do sell electric fondue pots (with a connection that detaches if somebody pulls on the coord) for pretty cheap though, we're looking at getting one.
posted by WaterAndPixels at 8:10 AM on December 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
I like fondue AND I actually have a busted ColecoVision in the garage . What do I win?
posted by caviar2d2 at 8:26 AM on December 21, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by caviar2d2 at 8:26 AM on December 21, 2023 [5 favorites]
a portable induction burner would be a way to have a no-flame fondue.
Great idea, thanks! But I just tested and the vintage pot appears not induction-capable. Magnets don't stick to it. Looks like it's aluminum. So maybe the vintage pot stays purely decorative and I'll search for a newer one for any actual use.
posted by dnash at 8:44 AM on December 21, 2023 [1 favorite]
Great idea, thanks! But I just tested and the vintage pot appears not induction-capable. Magnets don't stick to it. Looks like it's aluminum. So maybe the vintage pot stays purely decorative and I'll search for a newer one for any actual use.
posted by dnash at 8:44 AM on December 21, 2023 [1 favorite]
I can't stop laughing at the name "Vertuo Creatista". It's too perfect for an expensive Nespresso machine.
posted by betaray at 9:46 AM on December 21, 2023
posted by betaray at 9:46 AM on December 21, 2023
Here is where I disclose that I actually own a Nespresso machine, one made by Breville no less. I must also disclose that this machine would be the first thing I’d grab if my house were on fire.... I’ll fucking kill you if you take my Nespresso from me. God I want another coffee so bad right now. Where were we again? Oh yes, eat the rich. They’re all very bad.
Also, this year’s catalog is all just coffee shit! Where are the $50 marshmallows? You’ve changed, Williams-Sonoma.
The end of an era?
posted by subdee at 10:46 AM on December 21, 2023
Also, this year’s catalog is all just coffee shit! Where are the $50 marshmallows? You’ve changed, Williams-Sonoma.
The end of an era?
posted by subdee at 10:46 AM on December 21, 2023
We haven't made fondue at home for a couple of years, but it was making a regular appearance there for a while. I use my smaller dutch oven on a portable electric burner with one of those heat-diffuser-plate-thingies and it turns out pretty great!
posted by slogger at 11:10 AM on December 21, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by slogger at 11:10 AM on December 21, 2023 [3 favorites]
What other sort of little "prepare yourself a small serving" sort of things exist?
Sukiyaki!
A friend brought her gear over for sukiyaki one night and we all adored it, and she kept promising us she’d do it again, but never did. I still long for sukiyaki…
posted by kitten kaboodle at 11:17 AM on December 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
Sukiyaki!
A friend brought her gear over for sukiyaki one night and we all adored it, and she kept promising us she’d do it again, but never did. I still long for sukiyaki…
posted by kitten kaboodle at 11:17 AM on December 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
Where are the $50 marshmallows? You’ve changed, Williams-Sonoma.
I don't have a copy of the paper catalog, but the Christmas Shop on the website offers up such gems as the $200 'Faux Magnolia Leaf Wreath' (you could spend the same money on a five-foot magnolia tree), the $468 'Jazz Santa' nutcracker (what makes him 'jazz' Santa? Maybe don't ask), and the $600 'trophy sleigh' (why is a trophy sleigh like a trophy husband?).
posted by box at 1:16 PM on December 21, 2023 [4 favorites]
I don't have a copy of the paper catalog, but the Christmas Shop on the website offers up such gems as the $200 'Faux Magnolia Leaf Wreath' (you could spend the same money on a five-foot magnolia tree), the $468 'Jazz Santa' nutcracker (what makes him 'jazz' Santa? Maybe don't ask), and the $600 'trophy sleigh' (why is a trophy sleigh like a trophy husband?).
posted by box at 1:16 PM on December 21, 2023 [4 favorites]
I once ate at a restaurant in Paris that specialised in raclette an fondue. It was a amallish place, crowded with customers and a lot of wine was being drunk. Melted cheese, slabs of hot iron and naked flames everywhere. It's a miracle that noone was scarred for loife.
posted by Fuchsoid at 2:01 PM on December 21, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Fuchsoid at 2:01 PM on December 21, 2023 [1 favorite]
Melted cheese, slabs of hot iron and naked flames everywhere.
Add some axe throwing in the back corner and I'm there!
posted by hippybear at 2:26 PM on December 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
Add some axe throwing in the back corner and I'm there!
posted by hippybear at 2:26 PM on December 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
From about halfway down, describing the "composting caddy", one of the realest descriptions of Suburban Lyfe:
My wife and I are lifelong suburbanites, which means that we have attempted to compost on several occasions. Guess how much success we’ve had with these efforts? ZERO. I went into the composting world expecting to revive entire swaths of the Amazon rainforest by cultivating my own soil from discarded apple cores and uneaten Stoned Wheat Thins, only to end up with a pile of shit in a bucket on the patio. I’d have been better off flushing our banana peels down the toilet.
posted by daisystomper at 2:42 PM on December 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
My wife and I are lifelong suburbanites, which means that we have attempted to compost on several occasions. Guess how much success we’ve had with these efforts? ZERO. I went into the composting world expecting to revive entire swaths of the Amazon rainforest by cultivating my own soil from discarded apple cores and uneaten Stoned Wheat Thins, only to end up with a pile of shit in a bucket on the patio. I’d have been better off flushing our banana peels down the toilet.
posted by daisystomper at 2:42 PM on December 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
dnash, this is getting a little swallowed-the-fly, but you *could* put a magnetic plate between the induction burner and your non induction pot. Haven’t tried it personally, seems logical though:
https://www.amazon.com/9-25inch-Stainless-Cookware-Induction-Diffuser/dp/B09YRBT45Z/
posted by clew at 3:56 PM on December 21, 2023 [1 favorite]
https://www.amazon.com/9-25inch-Stainless-Cookware-Induction-Diffuser/dp/B09YRBT45Z/
posted by clew at 3:56 PM on December 21, 2023 [1 favorite]
I let my milk texturing game lavish during the pandemic
posted by Greg_Ace
WTF?? Languish, dumdum, languish! Learn to proofread...*sigh*...
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:48 PM on December 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace
WTF?? Languish, dumdum, languish! Learn to proofread...*sigh*...
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:48 PM on December 21, 2023 [2 favorites]
I always love these, but never so much as the year the peppermint bark had his name on it.
posted by Carillon at 11:33 PM on December 21, 2023
posted by Carillon at 11:33 PM on December 21, 2023
I let my milk texturing game lavish during the pandemic
posted by Greg_Ace
WTF?? Languish, dumdum, languish! Learn to proofread...*sigh*...
I honestly thought you had become a milk texturing virtuoso during the pandemic and was quietly impressed.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 3:21 AM on December 22, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace
WTF?? Languish, dumdum, languish! Learn to proofread...*sigh*...
I honestly thought you had become a milk texturing virtuoso during the pandemic and was quietly impressed.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 3:21 AM on December 22, 2023 [3 favorites]
What other sort of little "prepare yourself a small serving" sort of things exist?
Not mentioned yet - hot pot/shabu shabu. Depending on how one defines fondue one can call it fondue.
Scavenge a Hobart 1612 and you are SO good to go.
posted by rough ashlar at 7:40 AM on December 22, 2023 [1 favorite]
Not mentioned yet - hot pot/shabu shabu. Depending on how one defines fondue one can call it fondue.
Scavenge a Hobart 1612 and you are SO good to go.
posted by rough ashlar at 7:40 AM on December 22, 2023 [1 favorite]
We always do hot pot in our instant pot, but it's admittedly too big for fondue. I can't justify the space needed for a hot plate in this tiny city apartment, though...
posted by Pitachu at 8:24 AM on December 22, 2023
posted by Pitachu at 8:24 AM on December 22, 2023
I honestly thought you had become a milk texturing virtuoso during the pandemic and was quietly impressed.
Incidentally, "milk texturing virtuoso" is my new sockpuppet name.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:51 AM on December 22, 2023 [1 favorite]
Incidentally, "milk texturing virtuoso" is my new sockpuppet name.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:51 AM on December 22, 2023 [1 favorite]
Aww, there was no pretty tableware in this one.
posted by orange swan at 3:18 PM on December 22, 2023
posted by orange swan at 3:18 PM on December 22, 2023
Well, I went to see my parents for Christmas and I asked for the never-used ancestral fondue pot. My request was absolutely snubbed, so I am now on the hunt for my very own!
posted by MonkeyToes at 2:50 PM on December 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by MonkeyToes at 2:50 PM on December 25, 2023 [1 favorite]
Is there a never-used ancestral heat gun that they won't miss?
posted by sebastienbailard at 2:57 PM on December 27, 2023
posted by sebastienbailard at 2:57 PM on December 27, 2023
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posted by jacquilynne at 11:31 AM on December 20, 2023