Non-binary Oklahoma student dies after school fight
February 26, 2024 1:31 AM Subscribe
16-year old Nex Benedict died on February 8th (wiki), a day after being beaten unconscious by 3 other students in their Owasso High School bathroom.
A 2022 executive order by Gov. Kevin Stitt blocked Oklahomans from declaring a third “X” gender or changing gender on birth certificates, making it one of only 3 states that prevented citizens from doing so. The ACLU has linked the death to recent legislation requiring birth certificate-gender segregated bathrooms, while LGBT advocates have been quick to point out the Oklahoma Department of Education’s incendiary role having appointed anti-trans social media activist Chaya Raichik.
A 2022 executive order by Gov. Kevin Stitt blocked Oklahomans from declaring a third “X” gender or changing gender on birth certificates, making it one of only 3 states that prevented citizens from doing so. The ACLU has linked the death to recent legislation requiring birth certificate-gender segregated bathrooms, while LGBT advocates have been quick to point out the Oklahoma Department of Education’s incendiary role having appointed anti-trans social media activist Chaya Raichik.
It's crucial to get this homicide taken seriously, but I'd investigate the principal. It's plausible they favor bullies over their victims in other cases as well.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 3:03 AM on February 26 [25 favorites]
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 3:03 AM on February 26 [25 favorites]
Yeah, the nasty policy starts at the top and is loyally executed all the way down to the schools. Shameful and sad.
posted by wenestvedt at 4:07 AM on February 26 [7 favorites]
posted by wenestvedt at 4:07 AM on February 26 [7 favorites]
It's crucial to get this homicide taken seriously, but I'd investigate the principal. It's plausible they favor bullies over their victims in other cases as well.
No doubt about it, inasmuch as they allow the bullying to exist. I strongly doubt this incident was the first time anyone attacked this poor child. Rather, I suspect it escalated because the bullies knew they were safe from consequences.
"Conservatism consists of exactly one proposition, to wit: There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect." --Frank Wilhoit
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posted by Gelatin at 4:26 AM on February 26 [14 favorites]
No doubt about it, inasmuch as they allow the bullying to exist. I strongly doubt this incident was the first time anyone attacked this poor child. Rather, I suspect it escalated because the bullies knew they were safe from consequences.
"Conservatism consists of exactly one proposition, to wit: There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect." --Frank Wilhoit
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posted by Gelatin at 4:26 AM on February 26 [14 favorites]
"We're a Republican constituency and we don't want that filth in our state."
Oklahoma is filled with Republican Nazis. All the way from the governor, to the state senator being quoted, down to the principal and the parents of the murderers who almost certainly brainwashed their psycho kids.
The DoJ needs to step in, investigate, and lock these fuckers up for their roles in effectively conspiring to murder Benedict by way of their individual actions.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 4:26 AM on February 26 [39 favorites]
Oklahoma is filled with Republican Nazis. All the way from the governor, to the state senator being quoted, down to the principal and the parents of the murderers who almost certainly brainwashed their psycho kids.
The DoJ needs to step in, investigate, and lock these fuckers up for their roles in effectively conspiring to murder Benedict by way of their individual actions.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 4:26 AM on February 26 [39 favorites]
....I'd investigate the principal. It's plausible they favor bullies over their victims in other cases as well.
Counter-argument -
I suspect the 3 students who did this are all the popular kids who cried crocodile tears and all each claimed to their parents that "I just watched it and someone else was doing it and I was so scared and didn't know what to do boohoohoohoo", and all the principal did was believe them.
Start with the kids. When it comes to bullying, you always start with the kids. Those are the little shits actually doing the bullying.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:27 AM on February 26 [24 favorites]
Counter-argument -
I suspect the 3 students who did this are all the popular kids who cried crocodile tears and all each claimed to their parents that "I just watched it and someone else was doing it and I was so scared and didn't know what to do boohoohoohoo", and all the principal did was believe them.
Start with the kids. When it comes to bullying, you always start with the kids. Those are the little shits actually doing the bullying.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:27 AM on February 26 [24 favorites]
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posted by dragonplayer at 4:38 AM on February 26
posted by dragonplayer at 4:38 AM on February 26
Jesus:
A school resource officer came to the emergency room and discussed the situation with the Benedicts for 21 minutes. He told them that should they choose to file a criminal complaint, both sides could be charged with assault, with Benedict being treated as the primary aggressor for originally throwing the water. The officer said they should sleep on it and he would gladly pursue the case if they changed their minds the next day.
I didn't see it in the Wiki link but wasn't there also a teacher who broke up the attack? I very much want to see footage of interviews with that teacher.
posted by mediareport at 4:43 AM on February 26 [9 favorites]
A school resource officer came to the emergency room and discussed the situation with the Benedicts for 21 minutes. He told them that should they choose to file a criminal complaint, both sides could be charged with assault, with Benedict being treated as the primary aggressor for originally throwing the water. The officer said they should sleep on it and he would gladly pursue the case if they changed their minds the next day.
I didn't see it in the Wiki link but wasn't there also a teacher who broke up the attack? I very much want to see footage of interviews with that teacher.
posted by mediareport at 4:43 AM on February 26 [9 favorites]
This just breaks my heart; Nex reminds of my own child, who fortunately has finished high school and is at a big school for nerds in a big city. I have some family ties to Oklahoma and have to wonder if it is the most hateful state in the union.
posted by TedW at 5:23 AM on February 26 [12 favorites]
posted by TedW at 5:23 AM on February 26 [12 favorites]
Sadly, TedW, there is plenty of competition for that title these days. We should try to keep in mind that the violence gets worse when there is real progress causing a backlash. It's horrible and tragic, and we can never forget Matthew Shepard and all the others who have gone before. We have to keep fighting to make sure every younger person has it a little better, and to make the bullies and bigots pay for their crimes.
posted by rikschell at 5:41 AM on February 26 [24 favorites]
posted by rikschell at 5:41 AM on February 26 [24 favorites]
Start with the kids. When it comes to bullying, you always start with the kids. Those are the little shits actually doing the bullying.
Who is the “you” in this, though? If we’re talking setting expectations and consequences for student behavior at school, then parents and general local culture play a role but the immediately responsible adults are the teachers in direct contact with students. But teachers can only be effective at intervening in and preventing bullying if they have the support and back-up of their school principal. Who likewise needs to have a school board who won’t fire them for preventing bullying against lgbtq2sia kids. I attended eight different schools growing up, and let me tell you, the principal absolutely makes a huge difference to the level of bullying tolerated at a school. In this case, the local political climate may make it near impossible to hold anyone to account for this hate crime.
Best case, this turns out to be a Matthew Shephard moment for public awareness and perception of violence against trans and nonbinary youth. Which means all of us who care and have the bandwidth (aren’t directly facing such violence at present ourselves) need to make it that level of an issue. The extreme violence of Shephard’s murder was pretty scary to traumatic for my gay and lesbian friends at the time, and given the current political climate around trans people’s right to exist in the US, definitely check in with and support your friends and family extra amounts this month and over the next year, too.
posted by eviemath at 5:43 AM on February 26 [19 favorites]
Who is the “you” in this, though? If we’re talking setting expectations and consequences for student behavior at school, then parents and general local culture play a role but the immediately responsible adults are the teachers in direct contact with students. But teachers can only be effective at intervening in and preventing bullying if they have the support and back-up of their school principal. Who likewise needs to have a school board who won’t fire them for preventing bullying against lgbtq2sia kids. I attended eight different schools growing up, and let me tell you, the principal absolutely makes a huge difference to the level of bullying tolerated at a school. In this case, the local political climate may make it near impossible to hold anyone to account for this hate crime.
Best case, this turns out to be a Matthew Shephard moment for public awareness and perception of violence against trans and nonbinary youth. Which means all of us who care and have the bandwidth (aren’t directly facing such violence at present ourselves) need to make it that level of an issue. The extreme violence of Shephard’s murder was pretty scary to traumatic for my gay and lesbian friends at the time, and given the current political climate around trans people’s right to exist in the US, definitely check in with and support your friends and family extra amounts this month and over the next year, too.
posted by eviemath at 5:43 AM on February 26 [19 favorites]
Start with the kids. When it comes to bullying, you always start with the kids. Those are the little shits actually doing the bullying.
How is bully made? These kids may know how to game the system, but it's the system that made them. I feel bad for the children who have been raised in such a vile, corrupt environment that it's yielded this outcome. The problem is rooted in the parents and the administration and the culture. Going ham on some children will change *nothing,* and I'm a bit at a loss as to why one would think focusing our ire away from the well-funded and entrenched power structures that reward hate toward concentrating our ire on three kids whose natural pursuit of acceptance and rewards turned them into murderers would yield anything but steeling them against the pursuit of understanding and compassion, instilling instead a false sense of martydom (something that is nurtured and rewarded on the evil side).
outgrown_hobnail,
I understand your disdain for your in-law, but whatever information we can gain from learning of his existence and his words is, at least in my case, vastly outweighed by the negative psychological impact of constantly being reminded we're surrounded by people that want us dead. It's, um, negatively impacting my life and though I rarely comment, I cherish metafilter as a place where I can find thoughtful discussion without that sort of content, indirectly provided or otherwise. If we wanted to know what hateful shitheads think we could go... nearly anywhere else.
posted by polyhedron at 5:48 AM on February 26 [23 favorites]
How is bully made? These kids may know how to game the system, but it's the system that made them. I feel bad for the children who have been raised in such a vile, corrupt environment that it's yielded this outcome. The problem is rooted in the parents and the administration and the culture. Going ham on some children will change *nothing,* and I'm a bit at a loss as to why one would think focusing our ire away from the well-funded and entrenched power structures that reward hate toward concentrating our ire on three kids whose natural pursuit of acceptance and rewards turned them into murderers would yield anything but steeling them against the pursuit of understanding and compassion, instilling instead a false sense of martydom (something that is nurtured and rewarded on the evil side).
outgrown_hobnail,
I understand your disdain for your in-law, but whatever information we can gain from learning of his existence and his words is, at least in my case, vastly outweighed by the negative psychological impact of constantly being reminded we're surrounded by people that want us dead. It's, um, negatively impacting my life and though I rarely comment, I cherish metafilter as a place where I can find thoughtful discussion without that sort of content, indirectly provided or otherwise. If we wanted to know what hateful shitheads think we could go... nearly anywhere else.
posted by polyhedron at 5:48 AM on February 26 [23 favorites]
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posted by PlusDistance at 5:59 AM on February 26
posted by PlusDistance at 5:59 AM on February 26
I cannot fathom a thought process by which you celebrate the violent death of a child.
I'm gonna go stare at the wall for a bit.
posted by rhymedirective at 6:14 AM on February 26 [15 favorites]
I'm gonna go stare at the wall for a bit.
posted by rhymedirective at 6:14 AM on February 26 [15 favorites]
Mod note: Comment and a few responses to it removed. There's no need to bring in thoughts or comments that celebrate or condone this act. Please avoid doing that and consider whether your participation in this specific thread is necessary or needed, thank you.
Seriously, do not bring those comments or thoughts into this thread.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 6:21 AM on February 26 [45 favorites]
Seriously, do not bring those comments or thoughts into this thread.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 6:21 AM on February 26 [45 favorites]
Start with the kids. When it comes to bullying, you always start with the kids. Those are the little shits actually doing the bullying.
I'm not saying the students who actually perpetrated the violence against Nex aren't to blame but being like "start by focusing on the kids and not the systemic bigotry they are acting out" does not seem like a good way to protect trans kids (or older trans people) on a broader scale.
posted by an octopus IRL at 6:28 AM on February 26 [18 favorites]
I'm not saying the students who actually perpetrated the violence against Nex aren't to blame but being like "start by focusing on the kids and not the systemic bigotry they are acting out" does not seem like a good way to protect trans kids (or older trans people) on a broader scale.
posted by an octopus IRL at 6:28 AM on February 26 [18 favorites]
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posted by evilmomlady at 6:49 AM on February 26
posted by evilmomlady at 6:49 AM on February 26
Hearing about this really shook me up. The murder of a 16 yo by classmates weaponized by a climate of hothouse hate is appalling. I can’t find the words.
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:03 AM on February 26 [18 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:03 AM on February 26 [18 favorites]
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Understanding the Tragic Death of Nex Benedict (Parker Malloy, The Present Age)
Nex Benedict Matters (Popular Information)
A Nonbinary Teen is Dead. The Cops Aren't Helping (The Handbasket)
LGBTQ+ Leaders Call for DOJ to Investigate Nex's Death (Erin in the Morning)
That Could Have Been Me: Queer Teens Mourn Nex Benedict (Rolling Stone)
posted by box at 7:32 AM on February 26 [14 favorites]
Understanding the Tragic Death of Nex Benedict (Parker Malloy, The Present Age)
Nex Benedict Matters (Popular Information)
A Nonbinary Teen is Dead. The Cops Aren't Helping (The Handbasket)
LGBTQ+ Leaders Call for DOJ to Investigate Nex's Death (Erin in the Morning)
That Could Have Been Me: Queer Teens Mourn Nex Benedict (Rolling Stone)
posted by box at 7:32 AM on February 26 [14 favorites]
NYT coverage was particularly egregious, featuring a nice image of the school superintendent.
He told them that should they choose to file a criminal complaint, both sides could be charged with assault, with Benedict being treated as the primary aggressor for originally throwing the water.
This doesn't quite line up with the language I saw quoted from the cop:
posted by praemunire at 7:47 AM on February 26 [3 favorites]
He told them that should they choose to file a criminal complaint, both sides could be charged with assault, with Benedict being treated as the primary aggressor for originally throwing the water.
This doesn't quite line up with the language I saw quoted from the cop:
The officer suggested to Nex and Ms. Benedict that criminal charges might not be wise to pursue because Nex was “the one who started it by throwing an object or an item onto another individual.”Which is more ambiguous--we're still talking about 16-year-olds here, although maybe I am being too generous in thinking a cop would be genuinely concerned about putting teenagers into the system.
That fact “does not give them the right to put their hands on you,” the officer said. “It’s just, I hate to see you both, criminally wise, get hung up on something so minuscule. But I am here to do that if that’s what you like.”
posted by praemunire at 7:47 AM on February 26 [3 favorites]
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posted by Faint of Butt at 7:54 AM on February 26
posted by Faint of Butt at 7:54 AM on February 26
I am in Oklahoma. I grew up here and raised my children here.
The absolute hostility from leadership at the state level towards LGBTQ+ individuals and towards the rights of those individuals is at a level i have never seen. Without a doubt, the rhetoric and the open cruelty from lawmakers and particularly State Superintendent Ryan Walters emboldens those who believe the same to act on their own fears and hatred. They are super willing to use "biblical" rules to stoke the fire as well. When the State Superintendent attacks and attempts to rescind the license of a teacher pushing a "woke" agenda with BOOKS but is mute on the half dozen coaches currently on the hotseat for abusing players or having inappropriate relationships with students, it is clear he or any of the rest of the them don't care about what is an actual threat to the safety of students. Currently his adminstration and the right wingnuts are a far bigger threat than anything else.
Not all Oklahomans believe this way and in the 30 years between my high school years and my kids, many more kids are able to be open about being LGBTQ+ now, even in the small town I live in. I am not naive and I know the judgement and adjacent bullying still exist but I can see a difference overall in kids understanding and acceptance. Even in this context however, trans people are meet with more resistance than gay or non-binary. Not all of it is openly hostile of course, but it is still there and that isn't much better.
That school resource office with his " if you press charges realize they can too" bullshit is the poster child for the "you made me treat you this way" brigade. Just gross.
posted by domino at 7:54 AM on February 26 [27 favorites]
The absolute hostility from leadership at the state level towards LGBTQ+ individuals and towards the rights of those individuals is at a level i have never seen. Without a doubt, the rhetoric and the open cruelty from lawmakers and particularly State Superintendent Ryan Walters emboldens those who believe the same to act on their own fears and hatred. They are super willing to use "biblical" rules to stoke the fire as well. When the State Superintendent attacks and attempts to rescind the license of a teacher pushing a "woke" agenda with BOOKS but is mute on the half dozen coaches currently on the hotseat for abusing players or having inappropriate relationships with students, it is clear he or any of the rest of the them don't care about what is an actual threat to the safety of students. Currently his adminstration and the right wingnuts are a far bigger threat than anything else.
Not all Oklahomans believe this way and in the 30 years between my high school years and my kids, many more kids are able to be open about being LGBTQ+ now, even in the small town I live in. I am not naive and I know the judgement and adjacent bullying still exist but I can see a difference overall in kids understanding and acceptance. Even in this context however, trans people are meet with more resistance than gay or non-binary. Not all of it is openly hostile of course, but it is still there and that isn't much better.
That school resource office with his " if you press charges realize they can too" bullshit is the poster child for the "you made me treat you this way" brigade. Just gross.
posted by domino at 7:54 AM on February 26 [27 favorites]
Which is more ambiguous--we're still talking about 16-year-olds here, although maybe I am being too generous in thinking a cop would be genuinely concerned about putting teenagers into the system.
You are. The "I'd hate to see you both" is the threat to charge Nex.
posted by hoyland at 7:58 AM on February 26 [19 favorites]
You are. The "I'd hate to see you both" is the threat to charge Nex.
posted by hoyland at 7:58 AM on February 26 [19 favorites]
I suspect the 3 students who did this are all the popular kids who cried crocodile tears and all each claimed to their parents that "I just watched it and someone else was doing it and I was so scared and didn't know what to do boohoohoohoo", and all the principal did was believe them.
You could maybe allow for the parents believing them, due to motivated reasoning and only hearing your own kid's version. But if you're hearing all three kids say "it wasn't me!" then there is no way you can excuse believing them all. Someone did it.
posted by Dysk at 8:13 AM on February 26 [2 favorites]
You could maybe allow for the parents believing them, due to motivated reasoning and only hearing your own kid's version. But if you're hearing all three kids say "it wasn't me!" then there is no way you can excuse believing them all. Someone did it.
posted by Dysk at 8:13 AM on February 26 [2 favorites]
The threat to Nex, and the steamrolling of any possible reason WHY they had thrown water, isn't used on just kids who aren't cis, straight, etc. It'll be anyone who is attacked or bullied by the kid of someone who is powerful. I am (with no evidence outside the written articles) 99% sure one or more of the murderers is the kid of someone very important in that town.
posted by Slackermagee at 8:48 AM on February 26 [11 favorites]
posted by Slackermagee at 8:48 AM on February 26 [11 favorites]
I imagine the situation as a principal who likes bullying, possibly just bullying of the principal's preferred targets, but I wouldn't count on that.
The parents of the bullies could be anywhere in the range of having no idea their kid is a bully, knowing the kid is a problem but not knowing what to do about it, or actually being in favor of bullying.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 8:49 AM on February 26 [3 favorites]
The parents of the bullies could be anywhere in the range of having no idea their kid is a bully, knowing the kid is a problem but not knowing what to do about it, or actually being in favor of bullying.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 8:49 AM on February 26 [3 favorites]
And the parents who let this slide because it was someone "other"? They're in for a rude awakening should it ever be their "normal" kid
posted by Slackermagee at 8:50 AM on February 26 [5 favorites]
posted by Slackermagee at 8:50 AM on February 26 [5 favorites]
there are videos going around purporting to be from queer students in owasso who graduated a few years back, all of whom say that this is a long-standing issue with the district and the school.
the right-wing and the bigots are already ramping up the disinformation machine; the way that some have already said taken the "trauma was not the cause of death" (which is a nuanced thing, because Nex did not die in the bathroom) and "waiting for toxicology" to essentially pull their george floyd playbook on this. some have run with the incorrect idea that nex was amab and thus a "boy" who "invaded" the girls' restroom, or the "they started it fafo" to leave the murderers blameless.
i do not think there will be justice. the entire government of oklahoma and the entire leadership of the school district is filled with vile, deplorable monsters, and acab being what it is and with Nex being indigenous, i have so many doubts. i think that news organizations like the nytimes will spend more time talking about the poor girls who beat Nex to death and how their promising lives were cut short by murdering a nonbinary teen, and maybe give passing mention of the bigoted laws while completely eliding their part in stoking the whole horrifying moral panic--and that's if they have a modicum of shame (citation needed) and the courts put the transphobia on the record, like they did for the case of brianna ghey in the uk (and even then it's treated like an unimportant footnote by news organizations there).
as far as bullying starting with the kids, more than a few people have pointed out that many of the older zoomer/millennials who run the bigotry noise machines seem to have gotten their hard on for hating "identity politics" from the anti-bullying campaigns; a lot of those anti-bullying campaigns basically asked people not to bully based on race, Queerness, disability, and so on, and so who do the walshes and shapiros and raichiks and walters hate? PoCs, Queers, etc...
and also, i'm not sure why those celebrating the death of Nex come as a surprise? this is how bigotry works: in a society where systemic bigotry exists and bigots are given some free reign, children of a marked undercalss are never really children: to them, Nex is either an invading predator (for those who assume incorrectly they were amab) or a mentally disturbed individual; it's why tween girls are called "women"; it's why Black, Brown, and Indigenous kids are never considered to be children in the first place. hate and prejudice warp how people see the Other, and when you are the Other you feel it every single day.
posted by i used to be someone else at 9:06 AM on February 26 [25 favorites]
the right-wing and the bigots are already ramping up the disinformation machine; the way that some have already said taken the "trauma was not the cause of death" (which is a nuanced thing, because Nex did not die in the bathroom) and "waiting for toxicology" to essentially pull their george floyd playbook on this. some have run with the incorrect idea that nex was amab and thus a "boy" who "invaded" the girls' restroom, or the "they started it fafo" to leave the murderers blameless.
i do not think there will be justice. the entire government of oklahoma and the entire leadership of the school district is filled with vile, deplorable monsters, and acab being what it is and with Nex being indigenous, i have so many doubts. i think that news organizations like the nytimes will spend more time talking about the poor girls who beat Nex to death and how their promising lives were cut short by murdering a nonbinary teen, and maybe give passing mention of the bigoted laws while completely eliding their part in stoking the whole horrifying moral panic--and that's if they have a modicum of shame (citation needed) and the courts put the transphobia on the record, like they did for the case of brianna ghey in the uk (and even then it's treated like an unimportant footnote by news organizations there).
as far as bullying starting with the kids, more than a few people have pointed out that many of the older zoomer/millennials who run the bigotry noise machines seem to have gotten their hard on for hating "identity politics" from the anti-bullying campaigns; a lot of those anti-bullying campaigns basically asked people not to bully based on race, Queerness, disability, and so on, and so who do the walshes and shapiros and raichiks and walters hate? PoCs, Queers, etc...
and also, i'm not sure why those celebrating the death of Nex come as a surprise? this is how bigotry works: in a society where systemic bigotry exists and bigots are given some free reign, children of a marked undercalss are never really children: to them, Nex is either an invading predator (for those who assume incorrectly they were amab) or a mentally disturbed individual; it's why tween girls are called "women"; it's why Black, Brown, and Indigenous kids are never considered to be children in the first place. hate and prejudice warp how people see the Other, and when you are the Other you feel it every single day.
posted by i used to be someone else at 9:06 AM on February 26 [25 favorites]
The statement that Nex could be prosecuted for admitting to throwing water represents a catch-22 and a reinforcement of the oppressive system in which the victim of bullying is condemned for their own act of self-defense. It is reported that they had been assaulted in the lead-up to this event (that the murderers were "throwing things at them" and verbally abusing them in the week prior).
As far as I'm concerned the assault began when the murderers accosted Nex and their friend in the bathroom. Nex's forthrightness and good nature is used to deny the justice for them and to preserve the state-directed oppression. They should never have had to resort to self-defense in the bathroom, but to my eye the only "acceptable" option in this system is for the disadvantaged minority to accept the abuse, hope their verbal threats and petty assaults remain mere threats and petty violence, and be denied security, stability and their own agency. Nex's safety was never valued or protected by the system and the police officer's guidance is easily perceived as a threat that the rightful pursuit of justice would be punished.
Were the administration, police, and government not complicit in the oppression of trans people, Nex could have successfully appealed to the power-structure for protection long before it ever reached the point that it did.
The only infinitesimal hope I can derive from this is that the murderers gain an understanding of the environment that lead to them becoming murderers and devote some significant part of their lives to undermining the forces of hatred that fostered their brutality and to restoring some small fraction of the inquisitive beauty, joy, and creation that they stole from this world. Their right to fully experience the bounteous power of humanity's capacity for love, exploration, and harmonious existence has been denied to them through our culture, society and their upbringing. True justice cannot restore that which they took from Nex and the world, but it could germinate the roots whose growth yields the fruit of their salvation.
It seems inevitable that any such growth and change-of-direction will not be fostered by the system that made them into barbaric murderers. They must divine the waters of humanity from within the oases of their own souls, in defiance of the harsh desert winds of hatred that fill our society's sails.
fuck
posted by polyhedron at 9:07 AM on February 26 [23 favorites]
As far as I'm concerned the assault began when the murderers accosted Nex and their friend in the bathroom. Nex's forthrightness and good nature is used to deny the justice for them and to preserve the state-directed oppression. They should never have had to resort to self-defense in the bathroom, but to my eye the only "acceptable" option in this system is for the disadvantaged minority to accept the abuse, hope their verbal threats and petty assaults remain mere threats and petty violence, and be denied security, stability and their own agency. Nex's safety was never valued or protected by the system and the police officer's guidance is easily perceived as a threat that the rightful pursuit of justice would be punished.
Were the administration, police, and government not complicit in the oppression of trans people, Nex could have successfully appealed to the power-structure for protection long before it ever reached the point that it did.
The only infinitesimal hope I can derive from this is that the murderers gain an understanding of the environment that lead to them becoming murderers and devote some significant part of their lives to undermining the forces of hatred that fostered their brutality and to restoring some small fraction of the inquisitive beauty, joy, and creation that they stole from this world. Their right to fully experience the bounteous power of humanity's capacity for love, exploration, and harmonious existence has been denied to them through our culture, society and their upbringing. True justice cannot restore that which they took from Nex and the world, but it could germinate the roots whose growth yields the fruit of their salvation.
It seems inevitable that any such growth and change-of-direction will not be fostered by the system that made them into barbaric murderers. They must divine the waters of humanity from within the oases of their own souls, in defiance of the harsh desert winds of hatred that fill our society's sails.
fuck
posted by polyhedron at 9:07 AM on February 26 [23 favorites]
The amount of rage I generate upon hearing a police officer say to a grieving parent that they should maybe not press charges because the water throwing started it just has to be unhealthy.
Their kid was straight up murdered by a bunch of other kids. Whether due to hatred, ignorance and/or plain stupidity, it is totally inexcusable that there doesn't seem to be any. If the parents or the kids themselves aren't held accountable in any way, then that state (and by association the whole nation) needs a good reminder of what the law and constitution actually say about murder.
ACAB.
posted by Sphinx at 9:12 AM on February 26 [15 favorites]
Their kid was straight up murdered by a bunch of other kids. Whether due to hatred, ignorance and/or plain stupidity, it is totally inexcusable that there doesn't seem to be any. If the parents or the kids themselves aren't held accountable in any way, then that state (and by association the whole nation) needs a good reminder of what the law and constitution actually say about murder.
ACAB.
posted by Sphinx at 9:12 AM on February 26 [15 favorites]
The "I'd hate to see you both" is the threat to charge Nex.
What Nex did was probably battery under OK law (I'm not admitted in OK, but assault and battery are defined more broadly than you would think under most state laws). Which just shows how poorly criminal law is suited for use to police teenage behavior.
posted by praemunire at 9:12 AM on February 26 [9 favorites]
What Nex did was probably battery under OK law (I'm not admitted in OK, but assault and battery are defined more broadly than you would think under most state laws). Which just shows how poorly criminal law is suited for use to police teenage behavior.
posted by praemunire at 9:12 AM on February 26 [9 favorites]
i have no faith but i do hope you're right, polyhedron. given how delicately the police and the media are treating the murderers, i would not be surprised if they turned out to all be the popular, good, white christian girls, and they will be insulated from this as much as they can be.
posted by i used to be someone else at 9:12 AM on February 26 [3 favorites]
posted by i used to be someone else at 9:12 AM on February 26 [3 favorites]
but hey, let's wait til toxicology come back. WTAF???
posted by supermedusa at 9:19 AM on February 26 [6 favorites]
posted by supermedusa at 9:19 AM on February 26 [6 favorites]
The amount of rage I generate upon hearing a police officer say to a grieving parent that they should maybe not press charges because the water throwing started it just has to be unhealthy.
Just to be clear, this was after the fight, before anyone knew anything was seriously wrong with Nex (who went home the same day and suddenly collapsed the next day). You don't get to decide not to "press charges" after a violent death. If the autopsy report shows that Nex died of their injuries (I see a lot of frantic BS spinning that they didn't, but it seems like a conclusive answer isn't available yet), these kids will get charged, and the water won't be a defense. (Probably not with murder, though, which [basically] requires a intent to kill; the state is unlikely to be aggressive in charging because they're monstrous, obviously, but whatever the OK equivalent of voluntary manslaughter is [that is, a violent action that unintentionally caused a death] probably does fit the facts as we know them now.)
posted by praemunire at 9:20 AM on February 26 [7 favorites]
Just to be clear, this was after the fight, before anyone knew anything was seriously wrong with Nex (who went home the same day and suddenly collapsed the next day). You don't get to decide not to "press charges" after a violent death. If the autopsy report shows that Nex died of their injuries (I see a lot of frantic BS spinning that they didn't, but it seems like a conclusive answer isn't available yet), these kids will get charged, and the water won't be a defense. (Probably not with murder, though, which [basically] requires a intent to kill; the state is unlikely to be aggressive in charging because they're monstrous, obviously, but whatever the OK equivalent of voluntary manslaughter is [that is, a violent action that unintentionally caused a death] probably does fit the facts as we know them now.)
posted by praemunire at 9:20 AM on February 26 [7 favorites]
The initial rush to disclaim any relationship between a severe beating including head trauma and an unexplained death shortly after reveals the alternate reality that most of these bootlickers - including possibly the ME - inhabit to avoid accepting any fact that contradicts their worldview.
I'm prepared to accept any cause upon competent investigation, but leading by discounting the beating is vile.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 9:29 AM on February 26 [15 favorites]
I'm prepared to accept any cause upon competent investigation, but leading by discounting the beating is vile.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 9:29 AM on February 26 [15 favorites]
> Start with the kids. When it comes to bullying, you always start with the kids. Those are the little shits actually doing the bullying.
How is bully made? These kids may know how to game the system, but it's the system that made them. I feel bad for the children who have been raised in such a vile, corrupt environment that it's yielded this outcome. The problem is rooted in the parents and the administration and the culture.
And that is precisely why I said to start with the kids. I didn't say to go only after the kids - but that is where you start. I mean, Woodward and Bernstein didn't start their Watergate news investigation with Nixon - they started with the group of guys who broke into the DNC offices, and were able to build the case by following the chain of command up.
My fear is that starting with the principal makes it too easy for the principal to explain things away with "I can't be everywhere at once and of course I would put a stop to things if I knew about them, but Nex didn't confide in me and I wasn't in the bathroom to witness this, darn heck shoot".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:46 AM on February 26 [4 favorites]
How is bully made? These kids may know how to game the system, but it's the system that made them. I feel bad for the children who have been raised in such a vile, corrupt environment that it's yielded this outcome. The problem is rooted in the parents and the administration and the culture.
And that is precisely why I said to start with the kids. I didn't say to go only after the kids - but that is where you start. I mean, Woodward and Bernstein didn't start their Watergate news investigation with Nixon - they started with the group of guys who broke into the DNC offices, and were able to build the case by following the chain of command up.
My fear is that starting with the principal makes it too easy for the principal to explain things away with "I can't be everywhere at once and of course I would put a stop to things if I knew about them, but Nex didn't confide in me and I wasn't in the bathroom to witness this, darn heck shoot".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:46 AM on February 26 [4 favorites]
start with the kids. Those are the little shits actually doing the bullying.
How is that your takeaway from this story? Kids don't exist in a vacuum, and surely this tragedy makes that fact even clearer.
posted by splitpeasoup at 9:53 AM on February 26 [3 favorites]
How is that your takeaway from this story? Kids don't exist in a vacuum, and surely this tragedy makes that fact even clearer.
posted by splitpeasoup at 9:53 AM on February 26 [3 favorites]
This didn't come out of nowhere. here is an article on the removal of a pro-LGBTQ+ teacher in 2022. A teacher that Nex knew.
posted by Quonab at 9:55 AM on February 26 [13 favorites]
posted by Quonab at 9:55 AM on February 26 [13 favorites]
I haven't watched the full body-cam video of the conversation between Nex and the SRO in the emergency room because this whole thing is too close to home, but I think it's worth noting that at the very beginning of the conversation Nex states that it was "the same kids from the other day" (or words to that effect). Seems to me that any suggestion that Nex could also be subject to charges ignores some pretty important context. (And it's not clear to me that such speculation is really appropriate for an SRO, as opposed to, say, an actual prosecutor making charging decisions.)
Grr.
posted by nickmark at 10:00 AM on February 26 [4 favorites]
Grr.
posted by nickmark at 10:00 AM on February 26 [4 favorites]
I'm as sure as I can be not having been present that the fight went as far as it did because, in these girls' minds, Nex was an acceptable target for violence because of who they were. That comes from the adults around them.
To me, whether Nex died of a head injury or of suicide out of despair at what had just happened doesn't change the moral responsibility here one bit. In fact, in some ways I'd consider the girls more culpable in that event.
posted by praemunire at 10:02 AM on February 26 [7 favorites]
To me, whether Nex died of a head injury or of suicide out of despair at what had just happened doesn't change the moral responsibility here one bit. In fact, in some ways I'd consider the girls more culpable in that event.
posted by praemunire at 10:02 AM on February 26 [7 favorites]
assuming things like "competent investigations" and an idealized justice system that would undermine the systems-of-oppression that control us just feels like meta-gaslighting (meta, in that the functioning of the whole yields the gaslighting, and y'all as observers-within are not intentionally perpetrating it)
which is to say, perhaps incoherently, that the hypothetical "we" in alignment with my own beliefs and perception have little hope for any but the worst possible outcome and prognostications otherwise are simply waste-heat from the engine of oppression that drives our planet's destruction.
I am angry and despondent but plucking the leaf and prosecuting these murderers with any measure of success will not end in disrupting the pervasive, fundamental evil that fuels our society. it's far more likely to result in six-figure incomes and aggrandized careers selling hatred to the masses. i'm more inclined to cut all the shoots and continually inject glyphosate into the host until this pestilence dies off, but that would require an empowered and functional system of governance, enforcement, and justice at the national level (nevermind any level above the school administration) and, ha ha haha ha :/
posted by polyhedron at 10:11 AM on February 26 [6 favorites]
which is to say, perhaps incoherently, that the hypothetical "we" in alignment with my own beliefs and perception have little hope for any but the worst possible outcome and prognostications otherwise are simply waste-heat from the engine of oppression that drives our planet's destruction.
I am angry and despondent but plucking the leaf and prosecuting these murderers with any measure of success will not end in disrupting the pervasive, fundamental evil that fuels our society. it's far more likely to result in six-figure incomes and aggrandized careers selling hatred to the masses. i'm more inclined to cut all the shoots and continually inject glyphosate into the host until this pestilence dies off, but that would require an empowered and functional system of governance, enforcement, and justice at the national level (nevermind any level above the school administration) and, ha ha haha ha :/
posted by polyhedron at 10:11 AM on February 26 [6 favorites]
.
posted by bacalao_y_betun at 10:13 AM on February 26
posted by bacalao_y_betun at 10:13 AM on February 26
i'm more inclined to cut all the shoots and continually inject glyphosate into the host until this pestilence dies off,
What does this look like for you? Because I am no more enthusiastic about (prior to Nex's death) charging a bunch of girls involved in a bathroom brawl than I ever am about feeding juveniles into the criminal justice system, which is to say not at all, but it's so difficult to try to think through what a better system of accountability looks like, especially in the hands of unsympathetic authority figures, and...I don't know. I would just like to hear better ideas, especially from those more directly affected.
posted by praemunire at 10:17 AM on February 26 [3 favorites]
What does this look like for you? Because I am no more enthusiastic about (prior to Nex's death) charging a bunch of girls involved in a bathroom brawl than I ever am about feeding juveniles into the criminal justice system, which is to say not at all, but it's so difficult to try to think through what a better system of accountability looks like, especially in the hands of unsympathetic authority figures, and...I don't know. I would just like to hear better ideas, especially from those more directly affected.
posted by praemunire at 10:17 AM on February 26 [3 favorites]
[...] I am no more enthusiastic about (prior to Nex's death) charging a bunch of girls involved in a bathroom brawl than I ever am about feeding juveniles into the criminal justice system, which is to say not at all [....]
Odds are that even if these girls did get charged they wouldn't be touched by the criminal justice system anyway because "they have their whole lives ahead of them and it would be a shame to ruin their reputation" yadda yadda yadda.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:24 AM on February 26 [4 favorites]
Odds are that even if these girls did get charged they wouldn't be touched by the criminal justice system anyway because "they have their whole lives ahead of them and it would be a shame to ruin their reputation" yadda yadda yadda.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:24 AM on February 26 [4 favorites]
To me, whether Nex died of a head injury or of suicide out of despair at what had just happened doesn't change the moral responsibility here one bit.
Agreed.
Additional context: in audio of the 911 call the morning Nex died, Sue Benedict (parent) said Nex was exhibiting severe "posturing" symptoms, including "hands curling" and "eyes rolling back.", after Nex collapsed in the living room on the way out of the house the next morning.
Displacing from the trauma and "wait and see for the toxicology" recalls the same playbook used for George Floyd.
posted by rubatan at 10:30 AM on February 26 [10 favorites]
Agreed.
Additional context: in audio of the 911 call the morning Nex died, Sue Benedict (parent) said Nex was exhibiting severe "posturing" symptoms, including "hands curling" and "eyes rolling back.", after Nex collapsed in the living room on the way out of the house the next morning.
Displacing from the trauma and "wait and see for the toxicology" recalls the same playbook used for George Floyd.
posted by rubatan at 10:30 AM on February 26 [10 favorites]
Odds are that even if these girls did get charged they wouldn't be touched by the criminal justice system anyway because "they have their whole lives ahead of them and it would be a shame to ruin their reputation" yadda yadda yadda.
Yes, the inequitable way the criminal justice process so often operates is one reason (an important one among many) that I don't think it's the correct approach for children except in extreme cases. But clearly nothing was going to be done for or to protect Nex. That's entirely unacceptable, also.
posted by praemunire at 10:32 AM on February 26 [3 favorites]
Yes, the inequitable way the criminal justice process so often operates is one reason (an important one among many) that I don't think it's the correct approach for children except in extreme cases. But clearly nothing was going to be done for or to protect Nex. That's entirely unacceptable, also.
posted by praemunire at 10:32 AM on February 26 [3 favorites]
The initial rush to disclaim any relationship between a severe beating including head trauma and an unexplained death shortly after reveals the alternate reality that most of these bootlickers - including possibly the ME - inhabit to avoid accepting any fact that contradicts their worldview.
so my very partial understanding is that i think medical examiners tend to put the immediate cause of death in initial findings, before putting in potential proximate causes in final reports. so had Nex died in the bathroom, trauma would have been the cause; as they died the next day in the hospital after showing signs of decorticate posturing, the immediate cause would likely be something like swelling of the brain, etc, with the proximate cause being having their head slammed against the ground by the murderers.
none of this really matters because for those seeking to continue anti-Queer bigotry will simply ignore inconvenient truths like they always have done, however.
posted by i used to be someone else at 10:33 AM on February 26 [11 favorites]
so my very partial understanding is that i think medical examiners tend to put the immediate cause of death in initial findings, before putting in potential proximate causes in final reports. so had Nex died in the bathroom, trauma would have been the cause; as they died the next day in the hospital after showing signs of decorticate posturing, the immediate cause would likely be something like swelling of the brain, etc, with the proximate cause being having their head slammed against the ground by the murderers.
none of this really matters because for those seeking to continue anti-Queer bigotry will simply ignore inconvenient truths like they always have done, however.
posted by i used to be someone else at 10:33 AM on February 26 [11 favorites]
Friends remember Nex Benedict, Oklahoma student who died after school fight, as ‘fiery kid’
posted by BungaDunga at 11:15 AM on February 26 [2 favorites]
posted by BungaDunga at 11:15 AM on February 26 [2 favorites]
please note moving forward, after having read the article bungadunga linked:
Nex preferred he/him pronouns but also used they/them.
posted by i used to be someone else at 11:18 AM on February 26 [12 favorites]
Nex preferred he/him pronouns but also used they/them.
posted by i used to be someone else at 11:18 AM on February 26 [12 favorites]
So this is just going to be what life is like now. The same as it ever was.
posted by bookwo3107 at 11:21 AM on February 26 [2 favorites]
posted by bookwo3107 at 11:21 AM on February 26 [2 favorites]
Oklahoma students walk out after trans student’s death to protest bullying policies (autoplay video)
Kane said he has gone back and forth between in-person school and online classes since eighth grade in part due to bullying over his sexuality more than his gender identity. When he was a sophomore, a student called him and his partner “f------,” and he said students casually use the N-word often with no repercussions.posted by BungaDunga at 11:39 AM on February 26 [11 favorites]
The high school has a student body of just less than 3,000.
Ahead of the walkout on Monday, one counter-protester made anti-LGBTQ statements using a megaphone. As he made comments about AIDS and how Jesus Christ was the “real man” lesbians need, students holding signs stating “trans youth belong” surrounded him to block him from sight.
tiktok footage from a rally: in it, a parent with a Queer child speaks out in support.
posted by i used to be someone else at 11:45 AM on February 26 [3 favorites]
posted by i used to be someone else at 11:45 AM on February 26 [3 favorites]
.
posted by limeonaire at 11:59 AM on February 26
posted by limeonaire at 11:59 AM on February 26
More and more info keeps coming out about how *bad* things are in that school. This story from Assigned Media contains this:
Eden, 19, states that they graduated from the school in May of last year, and alleges that Owasso school administration “has never cared about the safety of [their] students.”
Explaining that they were “out as queer for four years and trans for one year,” Eden alleged that one of their teachers repeatedly called them slurs. Even after Eden made school staff aware of the situation, they were not removed from this teacher’s class. They go on to describe being the victim of corrective sexual assault in a school bathroom, after which they were instructed by school administration to “keep quiet,” so as not to supposedly ruin their assaulter’s life.
posted by evilangela at 12:19 PM on February 26 [16 favorites]
Eden, 19, states that they graduated from the school in May of last year, and alleges that Owasso school administration “has never cared about the safety of [their] students.”
Explaining that they were “out as queer for four years and trans for one year,” Eden alleged that one of their teachers repeatedly called them slurs. Even after Eden made school staff aware of the situation, they were not removed from this teacher’s class. They go on to describe being the victim of corrective sexual assault in a school bathroom, after which they were instructed by school administration to “keep quiet,” so as not to supposedly ruin their assaulter’s life.
posted by evilangela at 12:19 PM on February 26 [16 favorites]
See the bullies and their crosses
Doing the work of their bosses
Smirking as we count our losses
And they're glad a child is dead
By the hatred that they spread
My heart is filled with dread
It's all so hard to process
Despair we must reject
That's just what they expect
And we owe this much to Nex
To fight for better progress
Though this fight might never end
Young and old, stranger and friend
There are lives we must defend
By standing up against these creeping evil forces
posted by Joey Michaels at 12:39 PM on February 26 [7 favorites]
Doing the work of their bosses
Smirking as we count our losses
And they're glad a child is dead
By the hatred that they spread
My heart is filled with dread
It's all so hard to process
Despair we must reject
That's just what they expect
And we owe this much to Nex
To fight for better progress
Though this fight might never end
Young and old, stranger and friend
There are lives we must defend
By standing up against these creeping evil forces
posted by Joey Michaels at 12:39 PM on February 26 [7 favorites]
(if you're wondering why assigned media's headline namechecks taylor lorenz: she sought comment from chaya raichik for washington post about Nex's death; raichik agreed if lorenz met her in person, and the interview stemmed from there. lorenz published the full video to in theory prevent raichik and the bigots from clipping things out of context.
this has not stopped the bigots from clipping things out of context, and it's led to a lot of trans people pushing back on this, arguing that it's actually platforming raichik instead of showcasing how empty her rhetoric is.
this has not gone over great, with lorenz reacting quite poorly to the critiques from trans people, so. top-notch allyship, it seems like. then again, that's just de rigueur with cis people interacting with trans people; cf., automattic, the company behind the current iteration of tumblr.)
(also, the assigned media article includes the tiktok i was thinking of re: past students speaking about owasso's pattern of ignoring bullying against Queer students)
posted by i used to be someone else at 12:41 PM on February 26 [8 favorites]
this has not stopped the bigots from clipping things out of context, and it's led to a lot of trans people pushing back on this, arguing that it's actually platforming raichik instead of showcasing how empty her rhetoric is.
this has not gone over great, with lorenz reacting quite poorly to the critiques from trans people, so. top-notch allyship, it seems like. then again, that's just de rigueur with cis people interacting with trans people; cf., automattic, the company behind the current iteration of tumblr.)
(also, the assigned media article includes the tiktok i was thinking of re: past students speaking about owasso's pattern of ignoring bullying against Queer students)
posted by i used to be someone else at 12:41 PM on February 26 [8 favorites]
I graduated from Owasso High School way back, and it saddens but doesn’t surprise me. Oklahoma is very intolerant institutionally even if not all of the people are.
posted by antijava at 1:04 PM on February 26 [7 favorites]
posted by antijava at 1:04 PM on February 26 [7 favorites]
'A Cop Hung Up on Me When I Asked Questions About Nex Benedict' (Marisa Kabas, The Handbasket)
posted by box at 1:20 PM on February 26 [8 favorites]
posted by box at 1:20 PM on February 26 [8 favorites]
I have to say, as someone who was bullied a lot and was really, chronically afraid that I'd end up dead, I find myself wondering how the kids who did this feel - are they upset at all, or are they hugging themselves with glee because they got to beat a peer to death and won't face any consequences? This really pulls some stuff up for me because I spent a lot of time in my youth really, truly believing that my peers would kill me for fun if there weren't any consequences.
posted by Frowner at 1:37 PM on February 26 [41 favorites]
posted by Frowner at 1:37 PM on February 26 [41 favorites]
What does this look like for you?
Prosecuting the principal for creating or enabling through neglect/dereliction of duty a clearly unsafe learning environment for lgbtq+ students, and for failure to ensure adequate and timely medical care for Nex after the beating. Yeah, I know that’s not going to happen, but there are in fact statutory requirements for educators that it appears the school - and thus the principal, as the one in charge - have knowingly and intentionally neglected.
posted by eviemath at 2:32 PM on February 26 [5 favorites]
Prosecuting the principal for creating or enabling through neglect/dereliction of duty a clearly unsafe learning environment for lgbtq+ students, and for failure to ensure adequate and timely medical care for Nex after the beating. Yeah, I know that’s not going to happen, but there are in fact statutory requirements for educators that it appears the school - and thus the principal, as the one in charge - have knowingly and intentionally neglected.
posted by eviemath at 2:32 PM on February 26 [5 favorites]
I grew up in Oklahoma. As a bookish and awkward pre-queer kid, I was absolutely harassed by many of my fellow students, with no or negative support from the adults in my school life. I was a big kid so my size maybe saved me from the worst of it, but it was still a hellscape. Now, as an out and proud queer person, I can't even imagine living there.
A couple of years ago (30+ years after the fact), I drove through Oklahoma with my partner and our son in an RV as we moved from the east coast to the west coast. I told them stories of my childhood that they had not heard before. Some of them were positive, but many were about what it was like growing up there--things like this. It sounds like not a lot has changed.
posted by Thysania at 2:47 PM on February 26 [11 favorites]
A couple of years ago (30+ years after the fact), I drove through Oklahoma with my partner and our son in an RV as we moved from the east coast to the west coast. I told them stories of my childhood that they had not heard before. Some of them were positive, but many were about what it was like growing up there--things like this. It sounds like not a lot has changed.
posted by Thysania at 2:47 PM on February 26 [11 favorites]
Ryan Walters, the Oklahoma state schools superintendent, is doubling down on transphobia, saying this in response to Nex Benedict's death:
“We have witnessed the radical left and their accomplices in the media use the tragic death of a student to push a political agenda and a false narrative. It is despicable and harms our students and communities. I will continue to fight for parents and will never back down to the woke mob.”
posted by splitpeasoup at 3:39 PM on February 26 [6 favorites]
“We have witnessed the radical left and their accomplices in the media use the tragic death of a student to push a political agenda and a false narrative. It is despicable and harms our students and communities. I will continue to fight for parents and will never back down to the woke mob.”
posted by splitpeasoup at 3:39 PM on February 26 [6 favorites]
It's despicable to want trans kids to live and be, gasp, unharmed?
This fucking world
posted by tiny frying pan at 3:51 PM on February 26 [16 favorites]
This fucking world
posted by tiny frying pan at 3:51 PM on February 26 [16 favorites]
I grew up in Oklahoma. It was a long time ago, and I know it's not the same as it was when I was Nex's age.
Still, this surprises me not at all.
As a kid who was "different" in many ways, and was bullied and harassed for all those that were visible, I was keenly aware that being different marked you out for abuse by your peers and teachers, and worked hard to hide those differences that I could.
I will not tell those stories today. This thread is about Nex.
But the same generation of kids who knew it was acceptable and even encouraged to mistreat the "different" me grew up and are now the adults in power who cover up and condone the kind of actions that resulted in Nex's death.
These adults influence their own children and others in their care, and perpetuate these bigoted, violent attitudes. And so it repeats.
posted by allium cepa at 4:12 PM on February 26 [8 favorites]
Still, this surprises me not at all.
As a kid who was "different" in many ways, and was bullied and harassed for all those that were visible, I was keenly aware that being different marked you out for abuse by your peers and teachers, and worked hard to hide those differences that I could.
I will not tell those stories today. This thread is about Nex.
But the same generation of kids who knew it was acceptable and even encouraged to mistreat the "different" me grew up and are now the adults in power who cover up and condone the kind of actions that resulted in Nex's death.
These adults influence their own children and others in their care, and perpetuate these bigoted, violent attitudes. And so it repeats.
posted by allium cepa at 4:12 PM on February 26 [8 favorites]
I watched the bodycam footage. So much cringing at the mis-gendering.
posted by luckynerd at 4:39 PM on February 26
posted by luckynerd at 4:39 PM on February 26
Oklahoma was already on my “never go there” list of states but this just makes me underline it more.
When I was a kid, I (AMAB) was bullied a lot. Despite my height, I was more intellectual than sporty. For years I was tormented when teachers couldn’t (and in one teacher’s case, could and approved) see it done. One day early in my Junior year, after all that time, something snapped when one of them pushed me a little too hard on what had been already a bad day. He was the second string football quarterback. I slammed his face into a locker in the locker room. All the people who were laughing at what he did went dead silent at him dropping to the floor, face bloody. I’d broken his nose.
I’d “ruined his season”. He’d pushed me onto a bench facefirst and tried to shove a football between my butt cheeks, and years of rage came out of the terror.
I was suspended - in-school suspension. I was avoided. I was shunned. I was a bullied kid who snapped back. I was lucky that I didn’t get jumped, but I’m sure there were some plans.
My parents were told they needed to take me to a specialist. Said specialist was a member of NARTH and I’m pretty sure she made me terrified of my own queerness for decades.
Bullying kills people. Nex died from the violence it caused. The person I should have been was trapped screaming in the dark until she finally broke free after more than thirty years and that feeling inside me almost killed me.
I’m sorry you were so badly failed, Nex. You deserved so much better in life than a covered-up murder in Oklahoma.
posted by mephron at 5:34 PM on February 26 [46 favorites]
When I was a kid, I (AMAB) was bullied a lot. Despite my height, I was more intellectual than sporty. For years I was tormented when teachers couldn’t (and in one teacher’s case, could and approved) see it done. One day early in my Junior year, after all that time, something snapped when one of them pushed me a little too hard on what had been already a bad day. He was the second string football quarterback. I slammed his face into a locker in the locker room. All the people who were laughing at what he did went dead silent at him dropping to the floor, face bloody. I’d broken his nose.
I’d “ruined his season”. He’d pushed me onto a bench facefirst and tried to shove a football between my butt cheeks, and years of rage came out of the terror.
I was suspended - in-school suspension. I was avoided. I was shunned. I was a bullied kid who snapped back. I was lucky that I didn’t get jumped, but I’m sure there were some plans.
My parents were told they needed to take me to a specialist. Said specialist was a member of NARTH and I’m pretty sure she made me terrified of my own queerness for decades.
Bullying kills people. Nex died from the violence it caused. The person I should have been was trapped screaming in the dark until she finally broke free after more than thirty years and that feeling inside me almost killed me.
I’m sorry you were so badly failed, Nex. You deserved so much better in life than a covered-up murder in Oklahoma.
posted by mephron at 5:34 PM on February 26 [46 favorites]
Just sickening. The most sickening part being that such outcomes are not only not surprising, they entirely predictable at the stochastic level. As those desiring them know all too well.
This is what evil looks like.
RIP, Nex, and deepest condolences to your family and friends.
posted by Pouteria at 5:53 PM on February 26 [1 favorite]
This is what evil looks like.
RIP, Nex, and deepest condolences to your family and friends.
posted by Pouteria at 5:53 PM on February 26 [1 favorite]
My Tulsa in-laws tell us we'd be fine to visit, we'd just have to not go places while there. They're hurt that we haven't in a while.
posted by tigrrrlily at 6:33 PM on February 26 [10 favorites]
posted by tigrrrlily at 6:33 PM on February 26 [10 favorites]
.
posted by mxjudyliza at 7:13 PM on February 26
posted by mxjudyliza at 7:13 PM on February 26
.
I want to believe we will reverse course and immeasurable losses like Nex’s will no longer occur. But god, I’m so scared and sad when I see posts like this.
posted by ceramicspaniel at 12:14 AM on February 27 [1 favorite]
I want to believe we will reverse course and immeasurable losses like Nex’s will no longer occur. But god, I’m so scared and sad when I see posts like this.
posted by ceramicspaniel at 12:14 AM on February 27 [1 favorite]
Professional online trans man Ty Turner has an intimate and atypical video (for him) about this; he grew up in the same area of Oklahoma. A really direct emotional expression of empathy and sadness.
posted by Mizu at 1:13 AM on February 27 [1 favorite]
posted by Mizu at 1:13 AM on February 27 [1 favorite]
I'm prepared to accept any cause upon competent investigation, but leading by discounting the beating is vile.
"Discounting" the beating at this point in time has happened because reporting on the situation stated by the cops
Owasso police say the death of a local high school student was not the result of trauma as they investigate threats made against the school district, one of which was deemed credible by the FBI.
A wikipedia page is tracking events so one might wanna look at that page. It had a link to the above archived reporting.
Seems to me that any suggestion that Nex could also be subject to charges ignores some pretty important context.
You are. The "I'd hate to see you both" is the threat to charge Nex.
In the United States the laws for assault don't have a 'you thought you were getting picked on' exception.
And under proportionality of response getting water tossed on you the proportional response isn't a beating.
Neither sets of actions on that day are favorable facts to either party and, alas, the people who were allowing this to happen failed to do their jobs wouldn't be the ones on trial when those kids caught charges.
The citizens of the US are shown by the actions of the US government on the regular a disproportional response to a slight is OK so why is anyone shocked when the citizens act in a manner like their government?
The statement that Nex could be prosecuted for admitting to throwing water represents a catch-22 and a reinforcement of the oppressive system in which the victim of bullying is condemned for their own act of self-defense.
This kind of take is the same energy which ends up having the FBI involved with threats being made to the school.
An interesting take that mean words are all you need to take acts of aggression.
Throwing a liquid on a kid along with slapping and hair pulling gets you a conviction and a lawsuit. Is that an oppressive system response?
it's so difficult to try to think through what a better system of accountability looks like
Thinking of a better system VS the actions needed are 2 different things.
Plenty of people with bar cards are offering up their hot takes on social media. Yet these licensed professionals are not using their license to pro bono situations creating caselaw to address the matter.
Body cameras are rather inexpensive. MUFLY makes a model under $300. Anyone who considers themselves marginalized should be using them to document the oppression they think is going on. The school won't allow it? Sue them and cite how the people in charge of enforcement of their rules to prevent oppression are failing. Toss in how the school is mandated under law, how the lack of enforcement by a public servant is like police bodycam justification, how you reported the problem and now are gathering documentation, and whatever else one can think of. The camera is disruptive? So is not following the anti-disruption rules WRT bullying. Is that going to be hard work? Yup.
Same with medical care - why was no brain scan done? Establish liability of the attacker(s) and their parents having to pay the full cost of the medical care and THEN make sure every school has a responsibility each year to inform the parents how they can be on the hook for the medical costs AND how if you got attacked but also started the altercation where you got injured your parents are on the hook. Establish liability for the doctors and administration/teachers if the attacking parents don't pony up.
Any of the above needs the social media bitching attorneys to belly up to the bar with action VS typing a reaction and pressing send. It also needs parents to take on the additional work of documentation and the extra emotional labor of supporting a long legal process VS making an appeal on GoFundMe while bitching on social media. Both of these are "hard" but that's the work needing to be done for the future to be a better place. VS going on social media seeking upvotes and pressing send.
"wait and see for the toxicology" recalls the same playbook used for George Floyd.
And yet when it came to a legal process for the cop - he's locked up for years. Along with the extra judicial beatings he's getting.
Why was that possible? Cameras and recording.
Mr. Floyd had someone on his neck/chest along with being a cop and people wanting a reason to defend a cop.
The Nex matter has a death and a 1st go at an answer resulted in a determination of death wasn't because of the fight. A better exam and toxicology might give a more definitive determination hopefully.
The people with the power of the state here are the staff of the school. There isn't a clear path of absolution for the state authority figures. How does a toxicology report backing a suicide clear the state paid workers beyond making it harder for them to catch a trail and determination of guilt.
I'll stake out they are not 'the same playbook'.
will simply ignore inconvenient truths like they always have done,
A rather human reaction. On this very website there is a thread about a census worker who was found dead at the end of a rope.
If you read the thread after the official determination was made there were members of the blue who called the official statement a cover up. Fellow members here opted to ignore the inconvenient truth their past position was not supported.
The not-at-all-convenient truth in this matter is the officials in charge of keeping the peace in a government mandated environment failed. They failed enough to create the previous events->water->beating->death spiral or a suicide. The reaction should not be doing things that prompt the FBI to become concerned over the school system.
posted by rough ashlar at 4:46 AM on February 27
"Discounting" the beating at this point in time has happened because reporting on the situation stated by the cops
Owasso police say the death of a local high school student was not the result of trauma as they investigate threats made against the school district, one of which was deemed credible by the FBI.
A wikipedia page is tracking events so one might wanna look at that page. It had a link to the above archived reporting.
Seems to me that any suggestion that Nex could also be subject to charges ignores some pretty important context.
You are. The "I'd hate to see you both" is the threat to charge Nex.
In the United States the laws for assault don't have a 'you thought you were getting picked on' exception.
And under proportionality of response getting water tossed on you the proportional response isn't a beating.
Neither sets of actions on that day are favorable facts to either party and, alas, the people who were allowing this to happen failed to do their jobs wouldn't be the ones on trial when those kids caught charges.
The citizens of the US are shown by the actions of the US government on the regular a disproportional response to a slight is OK so why is anyone shocked when the citizens act in a manner like their government?
The statement that Nex could be prosecuted for admitting to throwing water represents a catch-22 and a reinforcement of the oppressive system in which the victim of bullying is condemned for their own act of self-defense.
This kind of take is the same energy which ends up having the FBI involved with threats being made to the school.
An interesting take that mean words are all you need to take acts of aggression.
Throwing a liquid on a kid along with slapping and hair pulling gets you a conviction and a lawsuit. Is that an oppressive system response?
it's so difficult to try to think through what a better system of accountability looks like
Thinking of a better system VS the actions needed are 2 different things.
Plenty of people with bar cards are offering up their hot takes on social media. Yet these licensed professionals are not using their license to pro bono situations creating caselaw to address the matter.
Body cameras are rather inexpensive. MUFLY makes a model under $300. Anyone who considers themselves marginalized should be using them to document the oppression they think is going on. The school won't allow it? Sue them and cite how the people in charge of enforcement of their rules to prevent oppression are failing. Toss in how the school is mandated under law, how the lack of enforcement by a public servant is like police bodycam justification, how you reported the problem and now are gathering documentation, and whatever else one can think of. The camera is disruptive? So is not following the anti-disruption rules WRT bullying. Is that going to be hard work? Yup.
Same with medical care - why was no brain scan done? Establish liability of the attacker(s) and their parents having to pay the full cost of the medical care and THEN make sure every school has a responsibility each year to inform the parents how they can be on the hook for the medical costs AND how if you got attacked but also started the altercation where you got injured your parents are on the hook. Establish liability for the doctors and administration/teachers if the attacking parents don't pony up.
Any of the above needs the social media bitching attorneys to belly up to the bar with action VS typing a reaction and pressing send. It also needs parents to take on the additional work of documentation and the extra emotional labor of supporting a long legal process VS making an appeal on GoFundMe while bitching on social media. Both of these are "hard" but that's the work needing to be done for the future to be a better place. VS going on social media seeking upvotes and pressing send.
"wait and see for the toxicology" recalls the same playbook used for George Floyd.
And yet when it came to a legal process for the cop - he's locked up for years. Along with the extra judicial beatings he's getting.
Why was that possible? Cameras and recording.
Mr. Floyd had someone on his neck/chest along with being a cop and people wanting a reason to defend a cop.
The Nex matter has a death and a 1st go at an answer resulted in a determination of death wasn't because of the fight. A better exam and toxicology might give a more definitive determination hopefully.
The people with the power of the state here are the staff of the school. There isn't a clear path of absolution for the state authority figures. How does a toxicology report backing a suicide clear the state paid workers beyond making it harder for them to catch a trail and determination of guilt.
I'll stake out they are not 'the same playbook'.
will simply ignore inconvenient truths like they always have done,
A rather human reaction. On this very website there is a thread about a census worker who was found dead at the end of a rope.
If you read the thread after the official determination was made there were members of the blue who called the official statement a cover up. Fellow members here opted to ignore the inconvenient truth their past position was not supported.
The not-at-all-convenient truth in this matter is the officials in charge of keeping the peace in a government mandated environment failed. They failed enough to create the previous events->water->beating->death spiral or a suicide. The reaction should not be doing things that prompt the FBI to become concerned over the school system.
posted by rough ashlar at 4:46 AM on February 27
The FBI should investigate and prosecute everyone involved in creating and sustaining a system wherein minorities are targeted, harassed, and attacked and murdered. Do that, and no one is incentivized to threaten extrajudicial violence, since you seem so concerned about that issue (it is a part of the american mythos that we have all these stupid fucking weapons to counter oppression by our government, reap what we sow and all that).
We have to fight for the smallest scrap of justice. Would George Floyd's murderers have been prosecuted and punished in any meaningful capacity without mass national unrest and outrage? Will Nex's?
This kind of take is the same energy which ends up having the FBI involved with threats being made to the school.
An interesting take that mean words are all you need to take acts of aggression.
This is a wildly ungenerous (bordering on disingenuous) hot take that only makes sense if you start by decontextualizing Nex's actions. Nex was reportedly subjected to assaults and battery over the previous year that had escalated in the week prior to the incident that lead to his murder.
This is happening within a system that demonizes Nex and people like Nex. To focus on Nex's response is to tacitly excuse the systematic abuse that Nex experienced and to ignore that Nex was functioning within an environment wherein the administration, the local and state governments, and an increasingly large portion of the national governance denies Nex and others like him safety and agency while rewarding and encouraging acts that further and support that oppression. The parts of our government that do work to protect and secure the rights of trans people are recent, weak, and under direct assault.
Even a surface understanding of the history of justice in American history will reveal repeated, systematic miscarriages of justice perpetrated through the calumny and complicity of policing, the justice system, and legislators. Without actions fueled by ugly anger, nothing changes. The authority figures will deceive and present paper-thin justifications to preserve their power if we let them. The narrative that is being written by the Owasso police and the school administration is disgusting used single-ply that leaves anyone credulous enough to accept it reeking of excrement.
People are angry and mourning -- and organizing.
posted by polyhedron at 6:40 AM on February 27 [11 favorites]
We have to fight for the smallest scrap of justice. Would George Floyd's murderers have been prosecuted and punished in any meaningful capacity without mass national unrest and outrage? Will Nex's?
This kind of take is the same energy which ends up having the FBI involved with threats being made to the school.
An interesting take that mean words are all you need to take acts of aggression.
This is a wildly ungenerous (bordering on disingenuous) hot take that only makes sense if you start by decontextualizing Nex's actions. Nex was reportedly subjected to assaults and battery over the previous year that had escalated in the week prior to the incident that lead to his murder.
This is happening within a system that demonizes Nex and people like Nex. To focus on Nex's response is to tacitly excuse the systematic abuse that Nex experienced and to ignore that Nex was functioning within an environment wherein the administration, the local and state governments, and an increasingly large portion of the national governance denies Nex and others like him safety and agency while rewarding and encouraging acts that further and support that oppression. The parts of our government that do work to protect and secure the rights of trans people are recent, weak, and under direct assault.
Even a surface understanding of the history of justice in American history will reveal repeated, systematic miscarriages of justice perpetrated through the calumny and complicity of policing, the justice system, and legislators. Without actions fueled by ugly anger, nothing changes. The authority figures will deceive and present paper-thin justifications to preserve their power if we let them. The narrative that is being written by the Owasso police and the school administration is disgusting used single-ply that leaves anyone credulous enough to accept it reeking of excrement.
People are angry and mourning -- and organizing.
posted by polyhedron at 6:40 AM on February 27 [11 favorites]
The medical examiner's report has not been released. Please do not continue to parrot the misconduct of the police in leaking what they say was in a preliminary report that no one has seen.
posted by hydropsyche at 7:26 AM on February 27 [13 favorites]
posted by hydropsyche at 7:26 AM on February 27 [13 favorites]
Body cameras are rather inexpensive. MUFLY makes a model under $300. Anyone who considers themselves marginalized should be using them to document the oppression they think is going on. The school won't allow it? Sue them and cite how the people in charge of enforcement of their rules to prevent oppression are failing. Toss in how the school is mandated under law, how the lack of enforcement by a public servant is like police bodycam justification, how you reported the problem and now are gathering documentation, and whatever else one can think of. The camera is disruptive? So is not following the anti-disruption rules WRT bullying. Is that going to be hard work? Yup.
"I, a trans person, would like to record your children in the bathroom" is not the path to respect or safety you seem to think it is.
posted by eruonna at 7:29 AM on February 27 [35 favorites]
"I, a trans person, would like to record your children in the bathroom" is not the path to respect or safety you seem to think it is.
posted by eruonna at 7:29 AM on February 27 [35 favorites]
Yeah he's not gonna get it. "Surely if we just establish clear lines of financial liability, the market will solve the problem of cis people killing trans people"
He's way too far gone, and yet.
posted by tigrrrlily at 8:43 AM on February 27 [11 favorites]
He's way too far gone, and yet.
posted by tigrrrlily at 8:43 AM on February 27 [11 favorites]
Body cameras are rather inexpensive. MUFLY makes a model under $300. Anyone who considers themselves marginalized should be using them to document the oppression they think is going on.
underscoring eruonna's very apt point, it seems to me that given how a lot of the rhetoric around trans and Queer people (including kids) that people assume are amab (such as Nex, incorrectly) are predators having bodycams would be like dumping gasoline onto and releasing fuel-air mixture into the immediate vicinity of a raging chemical fire.
i'd also like to point out: there are many axes of marginalization and many of those axes make miufly's cheapest bodycam, at $110 on amazon, still out of reach. Nex had a supportive family that might have had resources. do we think all trans kids benefit from that environment? do we think all Queer kids do? especially given how many end up being kicked out of homes. who is going to pay for the data storage? maintenance of the cameras? review the camera data?
if we're wishing for alicorns why not just wish for environments where trans and Queer kids aren't bullied?
posted by i used to be someone else at 8:53 AM on February 27 [12 favorites]
underscoring eruonna's very apt point, it seems to me that given how a lot of the rhetoric around trans and Queer people (including kids) that people assume are amab (such as Nex, incorrectly) are predators having bodycams would be like dumping gasoline onto and releasing fuel-air mixture into the immediate vicinity of a raging chemical fire.
i'd also like to point out: there are many axes of marginalization and many of those axes make miufly's cheapest bodycam, at $110 on amazon, still out of reach. Nex had a supportive family that might have had resources. do we think all trans kids benefit from that environment? do we think all Queer kids do? especially given how many end up being kicked out of homes. who is going to pay for the data storage? maintenance of the cameras? review the camera data?
if we're wishing for alicorns why not just wish for environments where trans and Queer kids aren't bullied?
posted by i used to be someone else at 8:53 AM on February 27 [12 favorites]
What I was thinking is that if someone is wearing a bodycam, it will be the first thing that gets attacked.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 10:23 AM on February 27 [1 favorite]
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 10:23 AM on February 27 [1 favorite]
And school environments have rules about cell phones hence offering the bodycam as an option.
This is not a realistic option for any child in school and I think you know that.
posted by tiny frying pan at 11:26 AM on February 27 [14 favorites]
This is not a realistic option for any child in school and I think you know that.
posted by tiny frying pan at 11:26 AM on February 27 [14 favorites]
strapping a gopro onto your kid to fix bullying would work exactly as well as strapping a gopro onto your bike helmet has fixed vehicular homicide, that is to say, not at all
posted by BungaDunga at 11:28 AM on February 27 [10 favorites]
posted by BungaDunga at 11:28 AM on February 27 [10 favorites]
Murder is well covered legally so lets skip that part.
Given that the murder angle is being downplayed by the school and the police, I think people can reasonably be worried about how well-covered that is, legally. Not to mention the long history of how it is treated when the victim is a visible minority.
posted by eruonna at 11:44 AM on February 27 [6 favorites]
Given that the murder angle is being downplayed by the school and the police, I think people can reasonably be worried about how well-covered that is, legally. Not to mention the long history of how it is treated when the victim is a visible minority.
posted by eruonna at 11:44 AM on February 27 [6 favorites]
So no marginalized people afford a smart phone with a camera then? Or 4-5 trips to McDonalds? Or 2-3 fill ups of gas for a car? Or a couple of fast fashion items off the rack? How about any cell phone plan over $15 a month? Or more than 1 TV streaming service at a time?if you want to go ahead and budget for every single marginalized person to have a bodycam be my guest, since you clearly know better what they should be spending their money on.
the last time i heard argumentation like this? on fox news, when talking heads like o'reilly and carlson and such decried how wealthy the poor must be having things like cell phones and refrigerators and going to mickey d's.
as far as the rest of your comment, i really do not think you fully understand how trans people are viewed and considered by the bigots, how we are talked about, especially in the context of more intimate spaces like bathrooms. indeed, i question whether you understand the full sensitivity of having cameras in women's bathrooms at all, given how molka exist all over the world and are clearly invasive. if your solution is to turn off cameras before entering the bathroom where this violence occured, what the fuck is the point of having the bodycam in the first place then?
and that's before we even get to what seems to be a misunderstanding of the timeline:
1. Nex and the perpetrators enter the bathroom from in-school suspenion
2. the perpetrators begin to bully Nex
3. Nex splashes water on them while in the bathroom
4. perpetrators brutally beat Nex
and finally what the fuck are you talking about re: transmed arguments and how the fuck are they even germane to this conversation?
posted by i used to be someone else at 11:46 AM on February 27 [19 favorites]
Mod note: One comment and it replies deleted. Please Avoid speaking on behalf of other people and discussing their experience like an academic topic; invite them to speak for themselves instead!
posted by loup (staff) at 1:42 PM on February 27 [4 favorites]
posted by loup (staff) at 1:42 PM on February 27 [4 favorites]
.
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 2:02 PM on February 27
posted by rrrrrrrrrt at 2:02 PM on February 27
Clearly the solution is to require all straight white cis people with a history of bullying to wear bodycams. This would have the bonus effect of preparing the bullies for their future career in the police force, particularly the needed job skill of turning off the cam before engaging in criminal bullying and then lying about the cam malfunctioning. /s
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:18 PM on February 27 [6 favorites]
posted by Joey Michaels at 3:18 PM on February 27 [6 favorites]
I don't like to talk about this. I don't like to remember this.
I'm queer and trans and autistic, and I was heavily bullied growing up. There were slurs, and there was violence, there were threats, and there was worse. I'm not sure if I'd be alive today if a girl in my class hadn't befriended me in middle school, honestly. We are still friends, she remembers details I blocked out, including how, when the two of us first started talking in computer lab, our teacher gave us extra time on our assignment. I got picked ona bit less with a friend, there was a little group of us eventually, me, her, who AFAIK is straight, a gay boy who did theater, a lanky goth kid who I still see sometimes at dance clubs with his wife. We survived, albeit I stayed in the closet for a bit longer.
Anyway bad stuff still happened with me that I won't get into but I got through it, albeit not unscathed. Of course we weren't the only ones being attacked, and the schools as a whole did nothing, A bunch of students from my school, the other middle school and a high school together with the ACLU sued, and after a few appeals they lost, the school settled and teachers and staff supposedly got training and instructions to stop that sort of thing. I hope things have gotten better, but I dunno.
posted by Chrysopoeia at 3:39 PM on February 27 [16 favorites]
I'm queer and trans and autistic, and I was heavily bullied growing up. There were slurs, and there was violence, there were threats, and there was worse. I'm not sure if I'd be alive today if a girl in my class hadn't befriended me in middle school, honestly. We are still friends, she remembers details I blocked out, including how, when the two of us first started talking in computer lab, our teacher gave us extra time on our assignment. I got picked ona bit less with a friend, there was a little group of us eventually, me, her, who AFAIK is straight, a gay boy who did theater, a lanky goth kid who I still see sometimes at dance clubs with his wife. We survived, albeit I stayed in the closet for a bit longer.
Anyway bad stuff still happened with me that I won't get into but I got through it, albeit not unscathed. Of course we weren't the only ones being attacked, and the schools as a whole did nothing, A bunch of students from my school, the other middle school and a high school together with the ACLU sued, and after a few appeals they lost, the school settled and teachers and staff supposedly got training and instructions to stop that sort of thing. I hope things have gotten better, but I dunno.
posted by Chrysopoeia at 3:39 PM on February 27 [16 favorites]
Same with medical care - why was no brain scan done? Establish liability of the attacker(s) and their parents having to pay the full cost of the medical care and THEN make sure every school has a responsibility each year to inform the parents how they can be on the hook for the medical costs AND how if you got attacked but also started the altercation where you got injured your parents are on the hook. Establish liability for the doctors and administration/teachers if the attacking parents don't pony up.
You think just "establish this liability" is a thing you can just do? Who is going to pay for the medical care, until such liability can be "established"? And how would a system where, parents are liable for the damage your children caused, unless of course you started it, then it's all on you, and if parents don't pay, it's on the school somehow(??) going to a) come about and b) help in this situation? You're literally trying to establish rules (again, with reference to nothing other than "oh make this arbitrary system I just pulled out my arse happen, that's easy") that would do nothing to address the harms in this situation.
Frankly, I'm mildly disgusted that a comment like that was allowed to stand.
posted by Dysk at 4:49 PM on February 27 [16 favorites]
You think just "establish this liability" is a thing you can just do? Who is going to pay for the medical care, until such liability can be "established"? And how would a system where, parents are liable for the damage your children caused, unless of course you started it, then it's all on you, and if parents don't pay, it's on the school somehow(??) going to a) come about and b) help in this situation? You're literally trying to establish rules (again, with reference to nothing other than "oh make this arbitrary system I just pulled out my arse happen, that's easy") that would do nothing to address the harms in this situation.
Frankly, I'm mildly disgusted that a comment like that was allowed to stand.
posted by Dysk at 4:49 PM on February 27 [16 favorites]
.
posted by CPAnarchist at 4:49 PM on February 27
posted by CPAnarchist at 4:49 PM on February 27
Isn't there some stand-your-ground legislation that lets you flick water at people trying to kill you?
posted by SnowRottie at 7:20 PM on February 27 [5 favorites]
posted by SnowRottie at 7:20 PM on February 27 [5 favorites]
There absolutely is. It's the same as the other stand-your-ground laws, and available as a defense to the same kinds of defendant.
posted by tigrrrlily at 8:02 PM on February 27 [3 favorites]
posted by tigrrrlily at 8:02 PM on February 27 [3 favorites]
Only tangentially related, but just south of OK, anti LBGTQ+ policies in TX have led the Keller ISD to cancel a play about Mathew Shepard that had been in the works for months. It just so happens that my nephew was slated to be in the play so I heard about it from his mom; but it seems that a lot of people in that part of the country (and others) are trying to erase LBGTQ+ people from existing.
posted by TedW at 5:23 PM on February 28 [4 favorites]
posted by TedW at 5:23 PM on February 28 [4 favorites]
The play's message is that it is bad to hurt people who are different. That TX and this OK school district's message is that it's OK, and in fact encouraged. It's not only very much related, it's the same thing.
posted by tigrrrlily at 6:20 PM on February 28 [4 favorites]
posted by tigrrrlily at 6:20 PM on February 28 [4 favorites]
Hundreds of LGBTQ, civil rights groups call for removal of top Oklahoma education official following Nex Benedict’s death
posted by tiny frying pan at 4:23 AM on March 1 [5 favorites]
posted by tiny frying pan at 4:23 AM on March 1 [5 favorites]
Oklahoma education superintendent under fire for anti-LGBTQ rhetoric after Nex Benedict's death
The letter accuses Ryan Walters of “fostering a culture of violence and hate."
posted by tiny frying pan at 1:00 PM on March 1 [3 favorites]
The letter accuses Ryan Walters of “fostering a culture of violence and hate."
posted by tiny frying pan at 1:00 PM on March 1 [3 favorites]
Federal investigation opens into Owasso Public Schools after death of Nex Benedict
posted by creepygirl at 9:11 PM on March 1 [4 favorites]
posted by creepygirl at 9:11 PM on March 1 [4 favorites]
I can't take any more of the "involved in an altercation" bullshit that is the go-to every time there is reporting on the story.
posted by tigrrrlily at 9:46 AM on March 2 [5 favorites]
posted by tigrrrlily at 9:46 AM on March 2 [5 favorites]
How the media failed Nex Benedict (Judd Legum, Popular Information)
posted by box at 4:57 AM on March 4 [1 favorite]
posted by box at 4:57 AM on March 4 [1 favorite]
As an update to my post above, after getting national attention for cancelling the play “The Laramie Project” (including from Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, the Daily Beast, and George Takei), the Keller School District has reversed course and will let the play proceed. (That’s my sister-in-law in the NBC story; very proud of her and everyone else who protested the decision and got it reversed. People like that are why we shouldn’t write Texas and other “red” states off!)
posted by TedW at 9:26 AM on March 7 [5 favorites]
posted by TedW at 9:26 AM on March 7 [5 favorites]
That is wonderful news...
and tells us where the line actually is this week. Which is not nearly far enough past where it was in 1998, when Yoseñio Lewis wrote the poem "I wish I looked like Matthew Shepard". I'm going to quote it in its entirety here, hope that doesn't ruffle too many feathers:
I wish i looked like matthew shepard
I heard rita hester say
Because maybe then my neighbors would have helped me as a screamed for my life, as I called out for help from someone, anyone–as this man stabbed my life away
I wish I looked like matthew shepard
I heard rita hester say
Because maybe then the boston media that reported my death would have focused more on the brutal way that I died and on seeking justice for me, rather than on describing me as “a man who wore women’s clothes.”
I wished I looked like matthew shepard
I heard chanel chandler say
Because maybe then my father would have cried for his child, instead of telling the fresno newspaper that he had not talked to me in years because he didn't approve of my lifestyle. This was not a lifestyle–this was my life!
I wished I looked like matthew shepard
I heard lynn vines say
Because maybe then I would have been allowed to go into the neighborhood where my cousin lived and which was to become my home without being beaten almost to death by a group who didn't want “no faggot drag queen bitches walking through our neigborhood.”
I wished I looked like matthew shepard
I heard tyra hunter say
Because maybe then I would have received proper medical care after a car accident, rather than being called a freak and left to bleed to death by the paramedics.
I wished I looked like matthew shepard
I heard tyra hunter say
Because maybe then there would be no way the paramedics and the doctors could state that the derogatory comments they made about me “didn’t matter” because I was unconscious.
I wished I looked like matthew shepard
I heard chanel pickett say
Because maybe then the man who killed me in a most horrible way would have been convicted of murder, instead of assault.
I wished I looked like matthew shepard
I heard all of them say
Because maybe then none of the people who robbed us of our lives or our dignity or sense of humanity would be able to use the bullshit “homosexual panic” defense to justify their evil
I wished I looked like matthew shepard
I heard them all say
Because maybe then the world would have noticed us
I wished I looked like matthew shepard
I heard brandon teena say
Because maybe then I would have been believed by law enforcement when I reported my rape, instead of being verbally raped by the sheriff.
I wished I looked like matthew shepard
I heard brandon teena say
Because then–oh, wait–I did look like matthew shepard–small, cute, appealing
And I was murdered too
Gee, I wonder why no one wanted to make me time magazine’s “man of the year”
I wish I was still alive
I heard matthew shepard say
---
posted by tigrrrlily at 11:23 AM on March 7 [2 favorites]
and tells us where the line actually is this week. Which is not nearly far enough past where it was in 1998, when Yoseñio Lewis wrote the poem "I wish I looked like Matthew Shepard". I'm going to quote it in its entirety here, hope that doesn't ruffle too many feathers:
I wish i looked like matthew shepard
I heard rita hester say
Because maybe then my neighbors would have helped me as a screamed for my life, as I called out for help from someone, anyone–as this man stabbed my life away
I wish I looked like matthew shepard
I heard rita hester say
Because maybe then the boston media that reported my death would have focused more on the brutal way that I died and on seeking justice for me, rather than on describing me as “a man who wore women’s clothes.”
I wished I looked like matthew shepard
I heard chanel chandler say
Because maybe then my father would have cried for his child, instead of telling the fresno newspaper that he had not talked to me in years because he didn't approve of my lifestyle. This was not a lifestyle–this was my life!
I wished I looked like matthew shepard
I heard lynn vines say
Because maybe then I would have been allowed to go into the neighborhood where my cousin lived and which was to become my home without being beaten almost to death by a group who didn't want “no faggot drag queen bitches walking through our neigborhood.”
I wished I looked like matthew shepard
I heard tyra hunter say
Because maybe then I would have received proper medical care after a car accident, rather than being called a freak and left to bleed to death by the paramedics.
I wished I looked like matthew shepard
I heard tyra hunter say
Because maybe then there would be no way the paramedics and the doctors could state that the derogatory comments they made about me “didn’t matter” because I was unconscious.
I wished I looked like matthew shepard
I heard chanel pickett say
Because maybe then the man who killed me in a most horrible way would have been convicted of murder, instead of assault.
I wished I looked like matthew shepard
I heard all of them say
Because maybe then none of the people who robbed us of our lives or our dignity or sense of humanity would be able to use the bullshit “homosexual panic” defense to justify their evil
I wished I looked like matthew shepard
I heard them all say
Because maybe then the world would have noticed us
I wished I looked like matthew shepard
I heard brandon teena say
Because maybe then I would have been believed by law enforcement when I reported my rape, instead of being verbally raped by the sheriff.
I wished I looked like matthew shepard
I heard brandon teena say
Because then–oh, wait–I did look like matthew shepard–small, cute, appealing
And I was murdered too
Gee, I wonder why no one wanted to make me time magazine’s “man of the year”
I wish I was still alive
I heard matthew shepard say
---
posted by tigrrrlily at 11:23 AM on March 7 [2 favorites]
For transmasculine people like me, images of Nex Benedict before his death evoke a complex mix of recognition, affection, and pain.
The truth is this: On the day he died, Nex Benedict was transmasculine. In the days before he died, he was transmasculine in a school that didn’t want him to be that way, in a state that has passed laws trying to stop him from being that way, and in a family for whom transness was a foreign, though not unwelcome, concept. No one in the trans community made Nex Benedict transmasculine. Instead, we have tried to raise the alarm over the wave of anti-transgender hate that has swept the country and made his life and the lives of other trans youth more difficult, more precarious. Now that he’s dead, we must remember him not as conservatives who hated him would want us to define him, but as he was. Nex Benedict was transmasculine—he was a kid who wore boyish clothes, used he/him pronouns with his friends, and downplayed a fight he’d blacked out in to seem less soft. It is a disservice to his memory and to all the trans kids who are still alive, who need us to see them and fight for them, to do anything other than celebrate that fact.
posted by Artw at 1:05 PM on March 9 [2 favorites]
The truth is this: On the day he died, Nex Benedict was transmasculine. In the days before he died, he was transmasculine in a school that didn’t want him to be that way, in a state that has passed laws trying to stop him from being that way, and in a family for whom transness was a foreign, though not unwelcome, concept. No one in the trans community made Nex Benedict transmasculine. Instead, we have tried to raise the alarm over the wave of anti-transgender hate that has swept the country and made his life and the lives of other trans youth more difficult, more precarious. Now that he’s dead, we must remember him not as conservatives who hated him would want us to define him, but as he was. Nex Benedict was transmasculine—he was a kid who wore boyish clothes, used he/him pronouns with his friends, and downplayed a fight he’d blacked out in to seem less soft. It is a disservice to his memory and to all the trans kids who are still alive, who need us to see them and fight for them, to do anything other than celebrate that fact.
posted by Artw at 1:05 PM on March 9 [2 favorites]
I don't have the link, but I did see on Reddit the other week that the Laramie Project play is supposed to be back on again.
posted by jenfullmoon at 4:00 PM on March 9 [1 favorite]
posted by jenfullmoon at 4:00 PM on March 9 [1 favorite]
Federal investigation opens into Owasso Public Schools after death of Nex Benedict
Good. Finally.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 7:46 PM on March 9 [1 favorite]
Good. Finally.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 7:46 PM on March 9 [1 favorite]
HEAVY trigger warning! be safe y'all.
COD Released (via the Advocate)
posted by luckynerd at 3:37 PM on March 13
COD Released (via the Advocate)
posted by luckynerd at 3:37 PM on March 13
[Content warning: suicide, for the thread going forward, I suggest]
Here's GLAAD's full statement on the coroner's finding that Nex died by committing suicide with Benadryl and Prozac.
I hope the family gets an independent autopsy done.
posted by mediareport at 4:44 PM on March 13 [4 favorites]
Here's GLAAD's full statement on the coroner's finding that Nex died by committing suicide with Benadryl and Prozac.
I hope the family gets an independent autopsy done.
posted by mediareport at 4:44 PM on March 13 [4 favorites]
Ari Drennan on Twitter:
posted by Lexica at 10:53 AM on March 15 [6 favorites]
BREAKING: The family of Nex Benedict released information left out of the Oklahoma Medical Examiner's report: multiple contusions, multiple hemorrhages, multiple lacerations, and multiple abrasions were found on his head, revealing "the severity of the assault" before he died.Includes a link to the statement.
posted by Lexica at 10:53 AM on March 15 [6 favorites]
...with this in mind, I gave a shitty tip to the waitress who didn't get that my Darling and I are not "ladies." We are "Lady and Gentleman." That was after the host ignored me when I corrected him while he was finding us a seat. "Folks" or "Friends" or "Guests" is perfectly fine to use for everyone.
posted by luckynerd at 1:00 PM on March 15
posted by luckynerd at 1:00 PM on March 15
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posted by rubatan at 1:33 AM on February 26 [14 favorites]