The Squatters of Beverly Hills
March 12, 2024 7:17 AM Subscribe
This Place has Everything!!!! (SL NYMag) No spoilers. Just a rolicking California real estate story.
ungated
I loved this perfect pearl embedded in that sprawling bed of ridiculousness:
In 2016, he tried to crowdfund the invention of a sneaker you could tie with a mobile app named for Nikola Tesla.
posted by ejs at 8:10 AM on March 12 [6 favorites]
In 2016, he tried to crowdfund the invention of a sneaker you could tie with a mobile app named for Nikola Tesla.
posted by ejs at 8:10 AM on March 12 [6 favorites]
Sounds very similar to Anna Delve, who was the subject of the series Inventing Anna. It's truly amazing how some people can get away with what they do for so long, while others get heavily punished for petty crimes or accusations.
posted by waving at 8:12 AM on March 12 [3 favorites]
posted by waving at 8:12 AM on March 12 [3 favorites]
I believe the takeaway here is that money don't real and that capitalism is a scam.
This whole thing is a lot less sympathetic than the Delve case, and that one wasn't too cuddly either - lots of domestic violence and possibly a domestic violence murder done by people involved. This isn't exactly robbing from the rich to give to the poor.
posted by Frowner at 8:23 AM on March 12 [4 favorites]
This whole thing is a lot less sympathetic than the Delve case, and that one wasn't too cuddly either - lots of domestic violence and possibly a domestic violence murder done by people involved. This isn't exactly robbing from the rich to give to the poor.
posted by Frowner at 8:23 AM on March 12 [4 favorites]
Moral of the story: don't piss off rich people.
posted by splitpeasoup at 8:26 AM on March 12
posted by splitpeasoup at 8:26 AM on March 12
Moral of the story: don't piss off rich people.
Wha?! That wasn't the moral at all.
posted by dobbs at 8:35 AM on March 12 [4 favorites]
Wha?! That wasn't the moral at all.
posted by dobbs at 8:35 AM on March 12 [4 favorites]
I'm not sure what the moral would be. Nobody in this story was moral; not the poors-hating neighbors, not the cops, not the PI, not the squatters.
It is always entertaining to see rich people be frustrated though, even if the people frustrating them are sleazy hustlers.
posted by emjaybee at 8:40 AM on March 12 [5 favorites]
It is always entertaining to see rich people be frustrated though, even if the people frustrating them are sleazy hustlers.
posted by emjaybee at 8:40 AM on March 12 [5 favorites]
My takeaway from this is that you can win an Emmy for drone work.
posted by chavenet at 8:46 AM on March 12 [13 favorites]
posted by chavenet at 8:46 AM on March 12 [13 favorites]
It is always entertaining to see rich people be frustrated though, even if the people frustrating them are sleazy hustlers.
My favorite in this genre certainly has to be this one.
posted by dobbs at 9:18 AM on March 12
My favorite in this genre certainly has to be this one.
posted by dobbs at 9:18 AM on March 12
Death Row Records co-founder Michael “Harry-O” Harris had just been pardoned by Donald Trump on federal drug-trafficking charges when he rented the mansion — through his company, Nulane Entertainment — for $14,000 a month.
are you fucking kidding me
posted by elkevelvet at 9:26 AM on March 12 [4 favorites]
are you fucking kidding me
posted by elkevelvet at 9:26 AM on March 12 [4 favorites]
This was great, and my favorite sentence is near the end:
"[Ucci] had hoped he could buy the mansion through his global-awareness nonprofit and turn it into “sober living for CEOs. I can double the square footage and the value in less than a year,” he says, claiming he had already repaired the dryer and was working on cleaning the pool."
I've said it before, but I think that longform magazine nonfiction is a great satiric medium of our time. I didn't know this author, Bridget Read, before, but google has pointed me to what looks like lots of great stuff.
posted by sy at 9:38 AM on March 12 [12 favorites]
"[Ucci] had hoped he could buy the mansion through his global-awareness nonprofit and turn it into “sober living for CEOs. I can double the square footage and the value in less than a year,” he says, claiming he had already repaired the dryer and was working on cleaning the pool."
I've said it before, but I think that longform magazine nonfiction is a great satiric medium of our time. I didn't know this author, Bridget Read, before, but google has pointed me to what looks like lots of great stuff.
posted by sy at 9:38 AM on March 12 [12 favorites]
“They were careless people ... they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.”
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 9:38 AM on March 12 [20 favorites]
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 9:38 AM on March 12 [20 favorites]
They were careless people
Oh man, the author missed a trick by not evoking the archetypal American story of a shady dude showing up and throwing loud parties. Well played.
But I don't see any Tom and Daisies in this story, unless it's the exasperated neighbors. Inside the house it's nothing but chaotic evil wannabee Gatsbys.
posted by sy at 9:43 AM on March 12 [5 favorites]
Oh man, the author missed a trick by not evoking the archetypal American story of a shady dude showing up and throwing loud parties. Well played.
But I don't see any Tom and Daisies in this story, unless it's the exasperated neighbors. Inside the house it's nothing but chaotic evil wannabee Gatsbys.
posted by sy at 9:43 AM on March 12 [5 favorites]
This took me back to a place I lived in for awhile in Santa Monica. We all suspected there was some similarly shady "party house" stuff going on with one of the houses on the block behind us. I didn't stick around long enough in the neighborhood to see how it shook out. It wasn't a fancy enough part of Santa Monica for us to spin up a neighborhood watch and keep tabs on them though...we just put up with their loud parties. We had so much ambient noise in that house from the 10 and SMO airport that a little EDM on a weeknight didn't even make a dent.
posted by potrzebie at 10:06 AM on March 12 [1 favorite]
posted by potrzebie at 10:06 AM on March 12 [1 favorite]
the archetypal American story of a shady dude showing up and throwing loud parties
The Cat in the Hat?
posted by moonmilk at 10:09 AM on March 12 [48 favorites]
The Cat in the Hat?
posted by moonmilk at 10:09 AM on March 12 [48 favorites]
On one hand, that was entertaining. On the other hand, I live across the street from a dude who has been pulling shit like what is described in the article on a smaller scale for ten years and it is fucking exhausting. And he can't be evicted as he owns the home. At this point the only thing that is going to stop him is death.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 11:16 AM on March 12 [1 favorite]
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 11:16 AM on March 12 [1 favorite]
At this point the only thing that is going to stop him is death, they said, not at all menacingly
sorry BigRedKittyPurrs, that does sound awful. I've been so neighbour-lucky for the past 10 years, it really makes a difference. last shitty neighbour in a small apartment, my partner at the time and I made the mistake of interpreting his behaviour as eccentric but interesting (he was just a creep, his S. American partner threw us off because she was pretty cool) then I went on a short work-related trip and.. he calls and impersonates RCMP and "pranks" my partner into believing something Serious has occurred. Well you can imagine. We cut ties and avoided him, but when you live in a building with someone. Another charming quality: he'd race to the shared laundry room in his underwear. His exaggerated movements of stealth would have been comical if he was 6 years old, but just added to the creepiness for a grown-ass man in tighty whities. The End.
posted by elkevelvet at 11:22 AM on March 12 [3 favorites]
sorry BigRedKittyPurrs, that does sound awful. I've been so neighbour-lucky for the past 10 years, it really makes a difference. last shitty neighbour in a small apartment, my partner at the time and I made the mistake of interpreting his behaviour as eccentric but interesting (he was just a creep, his S. American partner threw us off because she was pretty cool) then I went on a short work-related trip and.. he calls and impersonates RCMP and "pranks" my partner into believing something Serious has occurred. Well you can imagine. We cut ties and avoided him, but when you live in a building with someone. Another charming quality: he'd race to the shared laundry room in his underwear. His exaggerated movements of stealth would have been comical if he was 6 years old, but just added to the creepiness for a grown-ass man in tighty whities. The End.
posted by elkevelvet at 11:22 AM on March 12 [3 favorites]
You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.
posted by kirkaracha at 11:25 AM on March 12
posted by kirkaracha at 11:25 AM on March 12
I'm gonna have to side with the squatters on this one, sorry.
posted by signal at 2:17 PM on March 12 [2 favorites]
posted by signal at 2:17 PM on March 12 [2 favorites]
Really? Because the "squatter" seems like a horrible scamming grifter dude, the "owner" has fled the country for legal reasons, the partygoers are paying huge cash, lots of muscle for security, crimes and craziness?
Much as I dislike Nextdoor type pearl-clutching, I feel a bit for the rich neighbors. What a crazy story.
posted by Windopaene at 4:01 PM on March 12 [3 favorites]
Much as I dislike Nextdoor type pearl-clutching, I feel a bit for the rich neighbors. What a crazy story.
posted by Windopaene at 4:01 PM on March 12 [3 favorites]
On December 29, armed with binoculars, his PI badge, golf clubs, Nicorette lozenges (for during), and weed (for after), he began a stakeout in his black SUV. His legion of off-duty security guards, out-of-work 20-somethings, and ex-cons took relief shiftsCan't decide if this is more Dashiell Hammett or Elmore Leonard. Or maybe Coen Brothers.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:12 PM on March 12 [8 favorites]
I’m real glad the people squatting in the abandoned house next door haven’t escalated to the “wild party” stage though one of them sure did escalate to “4am hollering and throwing things at the dumpster sitting there from the owner’s abandoned attempt to clean the place out” the other night.
posted by egypturnash at 4:16 PM on March 12
posted by egypturnash at 4:16 PM on March 12
Wow, just wow. I don’t understand people. The surgeon grifter. The euro-trash. The Trump-pardoned drug dealer. I am always so confused.
posted by misterpatrick at 7:31 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]
posted by misterpatrick at 7:31 PM on March 12 [1 favorite]
There was money to be made. And the "owner" was on the lam. Not a terrible plan if you are going to steal a mansion. (Shell companies and such). "Day Cruises", LOL. And I bet other dude made total bank on the "party fees" and seemingly AirBnB fees and all. Let alone the cocaine markups. Just amazing that our system is so messed up that shit like this can be pulled.
At least the guy in NYC who claimed he owned the building has been stopped.
Maybe this is my final quest. Creating an org to fucking fuck with grifting shitbags...
"long pause, computerish beep, Hello this is the US Customs & Immigration Service..."
No, it's probably not. Nor is it Microsoft, nor Amazon. And according to John Oliver, many of the people actually doing these scams are essentially slaves.
posted by Windopaene at 10:07 PM on March 12
At least the guy in NYC who claimed he owned the building has been stopped.
Maybe this is my final quest. Creating an org to fucking fuck with grifting shitbags...
"long pause, computerish beep, Hello this is the US Customs & Immigration Service..."
No, it's probably not. Nor is it Microsoft, nor Amazon. And according to John Oliver, many of the people actually doing these scams are essentially slaves.
posted by Windopaene at 10:07 PM on March 12
Thanks elkevelvet. As much as I hate to use the word "triggered", there were elements of the story that tracked very close to my experience and were painful to read. It seems really funny from the outside for a bunch of folks to squat in an expensive piece of property and throw wild parties that annoy wealthy neighbors. It scratches the "eat the rich" feeling that a lot of us, including myself, rightfully have.
It is less funny when you are the neighbor that is woken up at 2:00 AM when you have to work the the next day, can't get into your driveway because it is blocked and has to clean up the needles, rebuild the retaining wall and throw out the trash left on your lawn. It reaches the level of infuriating when the primary offender is a mediocre middle aged white man who is given the benefit of the doubt time after time.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 4:25 PM on March 14
It is less funny when you are the neighbor that is woken up at 2:00 AM when you have to work the the next day, can't get into your driveway because it is blocked and has to clean up the needles, rebuild the retaining wall and throw out the trash left on your lawn. It reaches the level of infuriating when the primary offender is a mediocre middle aged white man who is given the benefit of the doubt time after time.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 4:25 PM on March 14
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posted by clavdivs at 7:42 AM on March 12 [2 favorites]