149 ways to leave your lover:
November 13, 2002 9:59 AM   Subscribe

149 ways to leave your lover: Hell Hath No Fury is a collection of women's breakup letters. (A few excerpts here.) Great premise for a book, but good breakup letters are very rare. Rather than embarrass yourself when dumping your not-so-significant-other, perhaps you should just fork over $149 and have a reverse-Cyrano write one for you.
posted by ptermit (10 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
The excerpts I read sound like amateur work. Here is how you write a real break-up letter. Ouch. Doubleplusouch.
posted by blindcarboncopy at 10:23 AM on November 13, 2002

If it's really over, you don't care. If you care enough to spend $149 or even compose a perfect letter, it isn't really over.

The best and most painful breakup letter is just silence and moving on. Any time you check back in to see if the other person is hurt or contrite or floundering you've gone backwards.

Just like Lou Reed said:

You say "leave" and I'll be gone
Without any remorse
No letters faxes phones or tears
There's a difference between
Bad and worse
posted by argybarg at 10:30 AM on November 13, 2002

blindcarboncopy: I agree... the "professional" letters are badly written and they even leave the hope of reconciliation open when the breaker-up wants finality (e.g. ... I like you so much, and we’ve been together for awhile now, but – correct me if I’m wrong -- it looks like we might be better off staying friends but moving on. Can you hedge any more?)

But your link... geez. A la Slate "... all of his subsequent womanizing and misogyny suddenly seems more understandable, if not justified."
posted by ptermit at 10:54 AM on November 13, 2002

I agree...the worse thing a woman could ever do is leave evidence.
posted by oh posey at 10:55 AM on November 13, 2002

Nice gig, 'tho.
- What do you do for a living?
- I write break-up letters.
- Cool. Any money in that?
posted by soundofsuburbia at 10:59 AM on November 13, 2002

Here's the companion DVD
posted by vermilion at 11:35 AM on November 13, 2002

> Here is how you write a real break-up letter. Ouch.
> Doubleplusouch.

People like that need to be neutered at birth. Both of 'em.
posted by jfuller at 12:43 PM on November 13, 2002

I was actually feeling horrified at the way "Tiffany" from blindcarboncopy's link got treated when pregnant until she detailed her behaviour. I now return to my belief that people usually wind up in relationships (of any kind) with others who are roughly their equal, mental-health wise. It's entirely possible that one person may be abusive and the other not at all, but they're still both equally messed up.

Breaking up gives birth to a lot of really overwrought rhetoric. Such as "Why don't you paint lips on your hand?"
posted by orange swan at 1:04 PM on November 13, 2002

I think if one had a girlfriend or boyfriend as uncreative and witless as to need to pay someone else to formulate the words to describe their lack of interest in you, you shouldn't really feel that bad about never seeing them again.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 1:31 PM on November 13, 2002

orange swan: that's what I think too. You typically end up getting what you deserve.
posted by blindcarboncopy at 2:34 PM on November 13, 2002

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