Give It Up For The Axis Of Evil Tour
February 21, 2003 10:28 AM   Subscribe

Give It Up For The Axis Of Evil Tour Ahmed Ahmed travels a lot. Just the other day, says the heavily bearded Egyptian, he was at the airport. An older couple waiting for a flight came over and asked him where he was headed. "I told them, 'I have a one-way ticket to Paradise,' " he says. Pause for laughter. Yup, he says, airports are tough for him right now. They are for everyone, he adds. Nobody likes having to get there an extra hour early or being delayed by all the extra security. But just to make sure, he says, "I get there a month and a half early."
posted by turbanhead (18 comments total)
That was amusing. The bit about cross-cultural families rung bells here. My sister (like me) is partly of Irish extraction and her husband is Lebanese. A running family joke is that they're gonna move out to the woods and breed the perfect guerrilla army.
posted by jonmc at 10:40 AM on February 21, 2003

This guy is hilarious. I wish I could see him do stand-up.
posted by agregoli at 10:54 AM on February 21, 2003

I did like the last line:

Maz Jobrani has some thoughts on the government requirement that Middle Eastern men register. "So, let's see. I'm a terrorist on the way to bomb something. I've got the car; I've got the map. What am I missing? Oh, yeah. I forgot to go down and register."
posted by cell divide at 11:14 AM on February 21, 2003

i saw ahmed ahmed on a morning talk show a while back ... it might have been the view ... he was very funny. and star jones was all over him.
posted by donkeyschlong at 11:24 AM on February 21, 2003

Yakov Smirnoff called. He wants his routine back.

No, really - he did. He called.
posted by iconomy at 12:01 PM on February 21, 2003

In America, you ________. In ______ we _______!

posted by Hildago at 12:06 PM on February 21, 2003

An Arab and a Jew walked into a bar.

No, really - they did.
posted by iconomy at 12:13 PM on February 21, 2003

"It's true! We're sooo lame!" -Homer Simpson
posted by stifford at 12:14 PM on February 21, 2003

The first thing I thought of was Yakov Schmirnoff too. Then I was about to say "In russia the airplanes fly you" Then I realized I wasn't on Fark.
posted by LouieLoco at 12:20 PM on February 21, 2003

Wierd. Back in college, I worked with Ahmed Ahmed, his sister AND his mother at a crummy retail job (Sears) in Riverside, CA. He sold housewares; I sold lawnmowers. Last I heard, his sister told me he was up for a bit part in "Swingers."

I loved his license plate back then: AHMED2.

But he never really struck me as being the comedian-sort. You know--funny.
posted by magnificentsven at 1:02 PM on February 21, 2003

That FPP reminded me of a T-shirt I had way back when:

"Adolf Hitler: European Tour "1939-1945."
posted by alumshubby at 3:18 PM on February 21, 2003

I have a one-way ticket to Paradise.

Personality test: do you laugh it off or notify security?
Call me paranoid, but I'm calling security. Although I'd pay a lot to see the reaction he got.
posted by letitrain at 5:51 PM on February 21, 2003

Okay - you're a paranoid freak. It's jumpy bozos like you that are making it hell on the vast majority of normal travelers.

From an earlier thread, my favorite presidential quote: "Don't you know that four fifths of all our troubles in this life would disappear if we would just sit down and keep still?"
posted by Irontom at 8:30 PM on February 21, 2003

It's jumpy bozos like you that are making it hell on the vast majority of normal travelers.

And for some unfortunate travelers, it's jerks like these.
posted by homunculus at 10:37 PM on February 21, 2003

Thanks for the link, it gave me a good chuckle. I liked this one in particular:

"When black people go into prison, they come out with names like Muhammad," says Ahmed, whose full name is Ahmed Abou Bakr Ahmed Mohamed Ali Abdul-Waheb Kawidia. "I don't want to go into prison - I'd probably come out with a name like LeRoi Jones."
posted by Onanist at 11:23 PM on February 21, 2003

It's jumpy bozos like you that are making it hell on the vast majority of normal travelers.

I understand we're talking about a stand-up comedy routine, but not many people are ready to hear hijack and suicide jokes when they're in an airport terminal. The vast majority of travelers wouldn't think of cracking a joke like that.
posted by letitrain at 1:55 PM on February 22, 2003

Let me tell you, letitrain, I'm headed off on a business trip tomorrow morning and I would be tickled silly if some bearded Middle-Eastern looking guy standing in line behind me started cracking jokes about hijacking and suicide. I wouldn't so enjoy watching the entire half-brained security apparatus come down on him with the incisive brilliance of a lumbering hippopotamus, but I'd admire his guts for refusing to be cowed by it.

This whole airline security uproar is such a paranoid farce that I think the employee manual must have been cribbed from Kafka. Air travel is already so incredibly safe that the biggest, most expensive, most invasive security "improvements" Tom Ridge can dream up will yield results so small they can scarcely be measured. You're more likely to be killed in the car travelling to or from the airport than on the plane itself. Mock the system, please, everyone, until it collapses under our scorn. Please. I'm sick of dealing with this stupidity.
posted by Mars Saxman at 4:25 PM on February 22, 2003 [1 favorite]

I've also read the stories/threads about various excesses in airport security, and I can't even imagine how much more difficult the security process is for someone who looks Middle-Eastern. Having said that, I'd be scared shitless if someone was cracking hijack and suicide jokes in line behind me.

I also fly often (and I'm a student pilot), and if I'm going to make a mistake, it's going to be on the side of safety. Their act is great, but it belongs in a club.
posted by letitrain at 7:23 PM on February 22, 2003

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