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June 9, 2004 12:11 PM   Subscribe

Bush has a new running mate: Zombie Reagan. From the FAQ: What are some other advanatages of adding Zombie Reagan to the ticket? He will demonstrate America's resolve to continue the battle against terrorism. Instead of retreating to an undisclosed location, for instance, Zombie Reagan will be on the front lines, eating illegal combatants.
posted by mathowie (42 comments total)
HFS - that's funny. Let the bloodbath begin!
posted by scarabic at 12:18 PM on June 9, 2004

Well, at least, you weren't beat to it by Zombie Postroad this time.
posted by y2karl at 12:18 PM on June 9, 2004

Out of the graveyards and into the streets!
posted by InfidelZombie at 12:24 PM on June 9, 2004

*Something about stem cell research and brain stems that I can't quite get to gel*
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 12:28 PM on June 9, 2004

The Republicans are sure to win in '04 with Zombie Reagan™ at their side.

He's already devoured the brains of most of the press.
posted by troutfishing at 12:40 PM on June 9, 2004

I can't wait to see all the Zombie Reagan Youth return along with him.
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 12:42 PM on June 9, 2004

Heh. We begin zombing in five minutes.
posted by emelenjr at 12:47 PM on June 9, 2004

Riding on Zombie Reagan's coffin into the White House.

Sounds better than Cheney. At least a Zombie has a heart, even if it is putrid.
posted by nofundy at 12:47 PM on June 9, 2004

My favorite part, from the FAQ:

Q: Is Zombie Reagan really that much of an advantage? Doesn't John Kerry have the zombie vote locked up?

A: No. John Kerry, in fact, isn't really a zombie. He is more akin to Frankenstein's Monster, built out of parts stolen from graveyards under cover of night. He simply claims to be a zombie for political advantage.

posted by mr_roboto at 12:51 PM on June 9, 2004

Golly, that sure is funny. Har har har.....
posted by Durwood at 12:51 PM on June 9, 2004

posted by jpoulos at 12:54 PM on June 9, 2004

Bet y'all wish ya hadn't a given' drezdn such a hard time,now, dontcha?
posted by Wulfgar! at 12:58 PM on June 9, 2004

So good. Thank you all for this.
posted by fillsthepews at 1:03 PM on June 9, 2004

Wait, zombies have vampire teeth?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 1:06 PM on June 9, 2004

Nice! and then we'd have to call in the Governator if he got outta control to put some robotic whup-ass on him and his Zombinomics.
posted by yeahyeahyeahwhoo at 1:17 PM on June 9, 2004

Wait, zombies have vampire teeth?

Only republican zombies.
posted by jpoulos at 1:20 PM on June 9, 2004

Flash: Kerry has also named a running mate
posted by Capn at 1:29 PM on June 9, 2004

Hmmmm. We have zombies running in Canada, too. Steven Harper, for one...
posted by five fresh fish at 1:54 PM on June 9, 2004

Well done Matt.
posted by Witty at 1:56 PM on June 9, 2004

A friend came up with a great challenge to this ticket. A Kerry-Zombie Wellstone vs. Bush-Zombie Reagan would be a tough battle.
posted by mathowie at 2:10 PM on June 9, 2004

Ok, but just imagine a LBJ-zombie as Kerry's running mate -- that would be even funnier. in Texas especially.

(LBJ was a hell of a campaigner -- if I were a consultant/strategist, ideology put aside, my ideal candidate would be a mix of LBJ and Reagan, actually. raw political instincts/sheer balls/ruthlessness + optimism/great soothing voice/the teflon thing
posted by matteo at 2:15 PM on June 9, 2004

Dean- zombie
posted by JohnR at 2:22 PM on June 9, 2004

I'm not a huge fan of the late Pres. Reagan. In fact, I think he was a pretty poor president to say the least. And I personally don't think his image belongs on the dime or Mt. Rushmore...but the way to voice disagreement with those who seem to want Reagan all but canonized should not be this grim attempt at humor, especially as his family and supporters mourn. This kind of demonization will, I'm afraid, lead to a redoubling on the other side, and before you know it, bye-bye Hamilton. And that would really be a shame.
posted by Stoatfarm at 2:34 PM on June 9, 2004

Stoatfarm, I think you're taking the shared grief bit way too seriously. My opinion, of course.

And I would propose Kerry - zombie Tip O'Neill, except that Tip might tend to droop more than Kerry, and that can't be a good thing.

Kerry, Zombie O'Neill, and Botox ... TRIUMVIRATE OF POWER!!!
posted by Wulfgar! at 3:09 PM on June 9, 2004

my money's on Bush/Embryonic Stem Cell myself, but Zombie Reagan would be cool, as long as he ate every single journalist/pundit fawning over him this week.
posted by amberglow at 3:24 PM on June 9, 2004

kerry + zombie edwards?
posted by jacobsee at 3:27 PM on June 9, 2004

Stoatfarm, it's not really anti-Reagan. It's a bit disrepectful on principle but it doesn't attack his policies or anything.
posted by smackfu at 3:45 PM on June 9, 2004

I think Bush would win for sure if he selected Son of Zombie Reagan for his running mate. He would steal the metrosexual vote from Kerry.
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 4:53 PM on June 9, 2004

Don't blame me, I voted for Zombie Joseph Beuys.
posted by infidelpants at 4:55 PM on June 9, 2004

Memo to Republican Party Chairman: With all this expensive shipping the flag-draped coffin back and forth across America, why not just keep it back East and wheel it out at the Republican National Convention this fall?

/waits for the national GOP to unhypocritically go apeshit about the way Reagan's "long goodbye" is being used for political purposes, like the GOP did with Paul Wellstone's funeral.
posted by fold_and_mutilate at 6:27 PM on June 9, 2004

they'll trot out Nancy instead, and not let her speak at all, i bet.
posted by amberglow at 6:44 PM on June 9, 2004

There's always Zombie Mel Carnahan, who actually did win an office whilst dead.
posted by pieoverdone at 7:25 PM on June 9, 2004

Well, have you seen Bush's campaign site today?
posted by raysmj at 7:40 PM on June 9, 2004

"they'll trot out Nancy instead, and not let her speak at all, i bet."

Just don't mention those nasty stem cells Nancy pleeeeeeeeeeeease!
posted by matteo at 9:14 PM on June 9, 2004

i'm wondering if she's done with the issue entirely...she never seemed a person particularly concerned with the rest of humanity, and especially not during their terms.
posted by amberglow at 9:17 PM on June 9, 2004

A herd of zombies (or would that be a shamble of zombies?) would be more competent in the White House than the current administration. Plus they would be okay with pay cuts, and are unlikely to be buyable by corporate lobbyists or special interest groups.

Vote Zombie in 2004!
posted by moonbiter at 10:02 PM on June 9, 2004

posted by obloquy at 10:48 PM on June 9, 2004

OMG! Zombie Reagan Lives! Those bastards have reanimated him!

I wonder if an alzheimer's zombie can remember that it wants brains?
posted by five fresh fish at 10:49 PM on June 9, 2004

(nb. link will only work for a few days.)
posted by five fresh fish at 10:50 PM on June 9, 2004

says who?

(you just wait)
posted by matteo at 11:21 AM on June 10, 2004

Zombie Reagan (brought to you by Depends™)
posted by amberglow at 11:37 AM on June 10, 2004

Reagan writes from Heaven.
posted by homunculus at 9:26 PM on June 10, 2004

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