1) Your favorite band sucks. 2) Pancakes.

June 11, 2004 8:14 AM

The Two Things. "For every subject, there are really only two things you really need to know. Everything else is the application of those two things, or just not important.”
posted by majcher (23 comments total)

Great link, majcher.

The Two Things About Metafilter:

1. There have been 47 links and 345 comments posted since your last visit.
2. Nothing to see here, move along...

The Two Things About MetaTalk:

1. Administrator, please hope me!!!
2. Get your own blog, fuckwit.
posted by rory at 8:28 AM on June 11, 2004 [1 favorite]

The Two Things about Graphic Design:
1. Elements of Design: Line, shape, texture, value & color, space
2. Principles of Design: Movement, balance, emphasis, unity

That's just kind of cheating, isn't it? Here's the real two things about Graphic Design:

1. You are not an artist.
2. You work for your client.
posted by Stan Chin at 8:33 AM on June 11, 2004

Hehe,

The Two Things about Binary Systems:
One: 0
Two: 1

Anyway, even though I disagree with the premise, it's a thouroughly entertaining site. Good post.
posted by fvw at 8:35 AM on June 11, 2004

Here is another primitive schematization system.
posted by four panels at 8:43 AM on June 11, 2004

Hmmm.... Ancient Egyptian literature refers to the (paradoxical) time before the creation of the universe as "before there were yet two things."
posted by Foosnark at 9:12 AM on June 11, 2004

I loved the Micawber one, and this one:

The Two Things about Pornography:
1. Cable guy, oral, oral, doggy, ass, facial. Next scene, repeat.
2. No matter how weird, someone will has a website dedicated to your fetish online.
posted by orange swan at 9:22 AM on June 11, 2004

And it's funny - but one time when I asked an art classmate who happened to be an electrician if changing a light fixture was doable for someone who doesn't know anything about electrical wiring, he said, "There's only two things you need to know. Number one, turn off the current before you do anything else. Number two, match the wires by colour."

He was right.
posted by orange swan at 9:25 AM on June 11, 2004

This one made me laugh, I don't know why:
The Two Things about World Conquest:
1. Divide and Conquer.
2. Never invade Russia in the winter.
-Tim Lee
posted by Grod at 9:38 AM on June 11, 2004

As did this one:
The Two Things about Biology:
1. Evolution is the process through which genetic structures that are better equipped to reproduce viable copies will tend to proliferate.
2. Except for the Platypus.
-TheLetterM
posted by Grod at 9:39 AM on June 11, 2004

This was pretty funny too:

The Two Things about Web programming (as it is mostly done in the real world):
1) Control-C
2) Control-V
-tikibar
posted by mdn at 9:47 AM on June 11, 2004

The Two Things about chess:
1. 99% of chess is tactics.
2. The other 99% is strategy.

Adapted from Richard Teichmann (#1) and David Regis (#2)
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 10:04 AM on June 11, 2004

Excellent site - thanks.
posted by davidmsc at 10:04 AM on June 11, 2004

A solid grasp of both reading and writing will cover all of those subjects, although that's not funny. Hard work rarely is.
posted by banished at 10:04 AM on June 11, 2004

Nice post!
posted by scarabic at 10:15 AM on June 11, 2004

The original Two Things for Economics (incentives work/there's no free lunch) probably apply wider than my Friday-addled brain can currently comprehend.

I can, however, far as I can tell, remember two things at a time. My incentive is food and beer in my fridge, cable and beddy-bye, all of which are paid up.

I'm totally buying into this paradigm, man.
posted by chicobangs at 10:18 AM on June 11, 2004

The two things about PoliticsFilter
1. I'm right
2. You're wrong
posted by badstone at 11:43 AM on June 11, 2004

"Oh," I said. "Okay, here are the Two Things about economics.
One: Incentives matter.
Two: There?s no such thing as a free lunch."

Ouch. Who's going to inform the "progressives?"
posted by ZenMasterThis at 11:55 AM on June 11, 2004

The Two Things about Linguistics:
1. You already know more about the grammar of your native language than could ever be taught in a class. (synchronic linguistics)
2. Language change is inevitable, and neither bad nor good. (diachronic linguistics)
-Neal Whitman

I couldn't have said it any better.
posted by languagehat at 3:53 PM on June 11, 2004

The Two Things banished had to say about this post:

1. A solid grasp of both reading and writing will cover all of those subjects, although that's not funny.

2. Hard work rarely is.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 4:14 PM on June 11, 2004

The Two Things about Being a House Husband:
1. That can wait until tomorrow.
2. That can too.

The two things about The Two Things about Being a House Husband:
1. S'funny
2. It's true.
posted by dash_slot- at 6:13 PM on June 11, 2004

There should be programming language ones.

Perl:
1. There Is More than One Way To Do It
2. It's magic.

C:
1. Every program, including "hello world," will produce an error when you first try to compile it.
2. The computer hates you.

Smalltalk (and OO in general):
1. All data is an object
2. All actions are messages sent to objects

REBOL:
1. There's a data type for everything, including shoe size and fruit ripeness.
2. Make a dialect.

Tcl:
1. Everything is a string.
2. All operations are commands.

COBOL:
1. I'LL CUT YOU! DIE, BITCH!
2. END IDENTIFICATION DIVISION.
posted by abcde at 10:28 PM on June 11, 2004 [2 favorites]

Ouch. Who's going to inform the "progressives?"

The two things about Republican economics:
1. Deficits don't matter
2. Let someone else take care of the mess.
posted by Space Coyote at 9:38 AM on June 12, 2004

That sounds like Democratic economics to me :P

(Democrat here btw)
posted by abcde at 10:07 AM on June 12, 2004