Fuck the South
November 9, 2004 6:26 AM   Subscribe

"Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep." Ranting. But nicely done.
posted by knutmo (72 comments total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: Fuck this post. Fuck it.



 
When fuck is said twice within the first four words, most people stop reading.
posted by bas67 at 6:29 AM on November 9, 2004


This got boring about 72 hours ago, and I agree with everything he said.

Every one of his points are valid and could actually make a presentable case if it wasn't wrapped in all that fake outrage. I'm struggling enough as it is with my real outrage, thank you.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 6:30 AM on November 9, 2004


I'm from the South. And very fuckable. Ladies.
posted by wfrgms at 6:41 AM on November 9, 2004


"Best of the Web"?
posted by sid at 6:44 AM on November 9, 2004


I was actually in a southern state (Louisiana) on election day. Lots of nice people, and I was around a college area so I saw tons of Kerry signs. Good time.

Oh yeah, but fuck the South. I'm sure they're barely human. Now, excuse me while I bash my head against the desk.
posted by mikeh at 6:46 AM on November 9, 2004


Well I heard some asshole blog about her
Well, I heard that prick put her down
Well, I hope bloggers will remember
A Southern man don't need em around anyhow....
posted by jonmc at 6:47 AM on November 9, 2004


I'm from the South, and tired of plenty of this crap too. But quite a few founders came from the South, with especially important ones coming from Virginia. Like, oh, Jefferson and Madison.
posted by raysmj at 6:49 AM on November 9, 2004


Sweet uninformed classist screed. Complete waste of time. But then, I'm just some racist homophobe gun nut, right?
posted by mikrophon at 6:51 AM on November 9, 2004


Some things should be kept between email lists and IM buddies.
posted by papercake at 6:52 AM on November 9, 2004


I'm from Liberal Massachusetts and I hate crap like this too.
posted by jpoulos at 6:53 AM on November 9, 2004


Reccomended reading for illumination on this subject:

Jim Goad's Redneck Manifesto and Mark Kemp's Dixie Lullaby.

The central theme of both being this: the South is a favorite scapegoat for a lot of Northern liberals (and I am a northern liberal), which allows us to avoid facing our own part in how fucked up things are all around. I'm no Dixie worshipper, but I also don't make it into my personal boogeyman the way some do.
posted by jonmc at 7:01 AM on November 9, 2004


Is this crap really newsworthy? I wait, I forgot. It's Metafilter.
posted by aaronshaf at 7:01 AM on November 9, 2004


come on, this is awesome.

it's not about "everything's your fault, not ours". it's about spreading the blame around.
posted by taumeson at 7:03 AM on November 9, 2004


BALEETED! (please?)
posted by mosch at 7:05 AM on November 9, 2004


taumeson, I see your profile says you live in florida. Everything is actually your fault.
posted by jonmc at 7:06 AM on November 9, 2004


Darn, someone should throw a net over this guy and take him to a re-education center so he can learn to write like a proper salt-of-the-earth Me-Fi critic, which is to say: Boring, trite, self-absorbed, pompous, pedantic, schoolmarmish and derivative with an asshole puckered as tight as a constipated flea.

Other than that it's pretty good.

__
posted by Reverend Mykeru at 7:07 AM on November 9, 2004


Well, I actually liked it. Fuck everybody, that's what I've always said.
posted by Hildago at 7:10 AM on November 9, 2004


Man, preserving the Union is such pre-11/2 thinking.
posted by darukaru at 7:10 AM on November 9, 2004


Is this crap really newsworthy? I wait, I forgot. It's Metafilter.

Nobody's forcing you to stay. Really.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 7:13 AM on November 9, 2004


Nice try, reverend, but the simple fact is the guys just an infantile spewer who's read a few cliches or two and now thinks he has the world figured out. If that makes me a puckered-assholed schoolmarm then you better stand back cause I've got gas.

Not to mention:

Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?

Like Jefferson and Washington, from Virginia?

If this guy ever had an original thought it would burst his skull.
posted by jonmc at 7:14 AM on November 9, 2004


FWIW, I thought it was funny, and I'm from Tennessee.

FPP-worthy, I dunno. But I'll leave that to Number One to decide.
posted by ruddhist at 7:16 AM on November 9, 2004


Is this crap really newsworthy? I wait, I forgot. It's Metafilter.

Do you not see nearly everyone in this thread denouncing the post, asshat?
posted by jpoulos at 7:17 AM on November 9, 2004


something a bit more productive over here: Liberals: You Have One Week to Cry
posted by agnok47 at 7:19 AM on November 9, 2004


Sorry, still pissed about this. If I was the type of person to take things personally, I'd say something like:
    "Nicely done?" Go fuck yourself.
Fortunately, I am far to level headed for anything like that.
posted by mikrophon at 7:20 AM on November 9, 2004


Too!
posted by mikrophon at 7:21 AM on November 9, 2004


What a useful link! I can show it to my European friends who are wondering how Bush could have won, since it neatly summarizes the complete intolerance and stupidity of the Kerry camp.
posted by fuzz at 7:21 AM on November 9, 2004


. Well I thought it was damn funny, but something a bit more productive over here: Liberals: You Have One Week to Cry
posted by agnok47 at 7:21 AM on November 9, 2004


Can't we all just fucking get along?
posted by spilon at 7:22 AM on November 9, 2004


I think it's a great piece of postmodern caricature of superior post-election liberal outrage, and it had me laughing all throughout.
posted by brownpau at 7:24 AM on November 9, 2004


Well, it's no rape haiku, but then what is?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:24 AM on November 9, 2004


I think it's awesome.

Although I also think Manhattan should secede from the rest of the country, so I may not be the best judge.
posted by bshort at 7:38 AM on November 9, 2004


knutmo, really you should read metafilter once in a while.
posted by quonsar at 7:38 AM on November 9, 2004


Amid the fucks and assholes he makes some pretty valid points.

It would be interesting to reread this once it was cleaned up for polite (northern) society.

And just for you, Crash.
Election Day Rape Haiku

On election day
We all got screwed by Diebold
Woe is me. And you.
posted by fenriq at 7:38 AM on November 9, 2004


You know, I'm as liberal as anyone, but I don't see why people who don't live in the south continue to bash the south and treat it the way they do. Don't y'all know that by thinking the South is just rednecks and idiots, you are being somewhat racist? What happened to equality for all? I'm very disappointed. Blaming others is not very intelligent and liberal. This behavior is what should outrage people, not make them nod their heads in agreement.

So keep making jokes about us who live in a different geographical location (cause you know how that is the deciding factor on the people who live there...All French are X, all Asians are Y, all New Englanders are Z...). Hopefully you will someday wake up to realize that the thing you most judge the South for, you yourself are also committing.
posted by Dantien at 7:39 AM on November 9, 2004


You got an awful purty mouth on you boy. I'm a gonna make you squeal like a pig." [banjo sounds in the distance]

The current electoral may does match very closely the antebellum one, but having said that, the South does an adequate job of fucking themselves, thank you very much.
posted by nofundy at 7:40 AM on November 9, 2004


http://www.fuckthenorth.com/

Coming soon!
posted by dhoyt at 7:42 AM on November 9, 2004


Ah geez, now I feel guilty for laughing at this. I mean, it's a joke, right? Or maybe not. Huh. Of course I'm Canadian, so perhaps I just don't get the sensitivities involved. *cough*
posted by jokeefe at 7:48 AM on November 9, 2004


Although I also think Manhattan should secede from the rest of the country, so I may not be the best judge.

Think about that for a minute, bshort. Yes, there's a lot of wonderful things about NYC, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

But the "creeping corporatism" we liberals like to complain about isn't located in Pig's Knuckle, Arkansas*, but over on Fifth Avenue and down on Wall Street. It's never as simple as we like to think it is. And, trust me, the illusion of New York as an oasis of racial harmony is just that, a myth. Schools are de facto segregated and there's as much racial tension in other northern cities like Boston (remeber the busing debacle?) and Chicago (Dr. King said that nothing he had experienced in the south was anywhere near the hostility he experienced in Chicago), as anywhere down south.

I'd say we're running out of things to brag about.

*though those suffering under it might be.
posted by jonmc at 7:50 AM on November 9, 2004


you people are funny
posted by knutmo at 7:52 AM on November 9, 2004


jonmc,

"Nice try, reverend, but the simple fact is the guys just an infantile spewer"

Sorry, I thought he was couching some points in an over-the-top rant.

"who's read a few cliches"

It sounds to me that he was responding to some clichés, such as "It’s your money, not the government's money", as well as conventional wisdom that happens to be wrong ("Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess?") Although I do remember old granny Mykeru often saying "Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass."

It was something of her mantra, really.

"or two and now thinks he has the world figured out."

Not the world, but he certainly has hypocritical, God-boggled Southern wingnuts figured out.

"If that makes me a puckered-assholed schoolmarm then you better stand back cause I've got gas."

No, I think you are a "puckered-assholed schoolmarm" on your own volition, regardless of your response to this. I do think you have a little less gas since you posted if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

Let me explain something to you: Not every discussion should be watered down and tailored to the common denominator. This piece is a rant. It's meant to be profane and excessive, wrapped around a kernel of truth.

It's fucking art.

The reason why this is appealing, especially to me who finds the style amusing, is that people are angry, very, very angry at the arrogance of the red state "True Americans", immoral and ethically vacant "value voters" and all manner of plastic Jesus assholes.

The cheapest form of pedantic net asshole is the one who subscribes to the McDonald's theory of discourse, in which no matter what, and wherever you go, and regardless of the topic, all arguments should look and feel the same. And, of course, they should be cleaned up so that your 8 year old kid (when he's not surfing for chicks with dicks) can view it without your getting a blush on.

No matter what anyone writes, there's always some contracting net anus who will complain because they've seen it before, or they wouldn't express it that way, and that the bit doesn't have the sheer gravitas the critic craves. Mainly, it comes down to the subtext where the critic is complaining that he's seen it before and so is not properly entertained, as if that's the highest thing anyone can aspire to, which is entertaining you fuckers.

Also, a lot of pin-headed wingnuts think people should "get over it", whatever the latest outrage is (funny, no one on the right said "get over it" after 9/11 and, to this day are, as a group, still obsessed with Clinton's penis. Go figure). Well, people aren't going to "get over it". It seems people slanted to the right -- of course, you're an independent, aren't you? Sure -- seem to think there's something inappropriate about people on the left being angry over the Bush administration, the Iraq war, the election and the coming theocracy.

Well, get over it.
posted by Reverend Mykeru at 7:52 AM on November 9, 2004


C'mon it's funny! (and rings a bit true. FYI I am from Alabama)
posted by dig_duggler at 7:59 AM on November 9, 2004


pear haiku is an anagram, at least.
posted by cortex at 8:04 AM on November 9, 2004


Rev., believe me, I'm not blind to the contradictions of the South, which ultimately amounts to legitamite but badly misdirected anger. Which is deliberately misdirected by faux-Bubba GW Bush, Karl Rove, Jerry Falwell and the rest of the usual suspects.

We can rant and rave about the redneck wingnuts all we want, and some of it may even be on target, but the fact is this: the world is not controlled by out-of-work truckers in Tennessee. Hell, they're just as screwed as the rest of us (and many of them by voting for Bush, are aiding and abetting in their own screwing, I'll admit). By beating the drum on this topic, we're actually digging the hole deeper.
posted by jonmc at 8:05 AM on November 9, 2004


Rev: The "it's your money" thing didn't start in the South, it started with folks like Ronald Reagan, who hailed from California via Illinois. It's now popular in the South, in part, for reasons tied to race. (If you want a good idea as to how it spread, try reading the civil rights history written by the author of this excellent Slate piece about the recent election - and she gives a few clues there too.)
posted by raysmj at 8:05 AM on November 9, 2004


Here's a red state one that's not as funny (well, funny in a racist crazy way)
posted by dig_duggler at 8:08 AM on November 9, 2004


jonmc: I was sort of kidding :-)

Although I do think NYC should secede from the rest of New York State. For real.
posted by bshort at 8:09 AM on November 9, 2004


Funny and somewhat true. Agreed.
posted by dazed_one at 8:10 AM on November 9, 2004


And believe me, the language and vulgarity dosen't bother me at all. I linked fucking Jim Goad above, for crying out loud, who makes this guy look like a constipated church lady.

On preview: I know, brian. I'm just tired of simplistic thinking. And we'd have to keep part of Long Island at least. We might wanna go out to Aqueduct to play the ponies. :)
posted by jonmc at 8:11 AM on November 9, 2004


the "angry liberal" thing rocks, check the RudePundit out:


As we learn from the religious right every day, a well-told lie trumps the truth every time. And that's what those motherfuckers in the Bush campaign did, day after goddamned day - they trumpeted lies as if they were the truth. The caressed lies like they're lovers, like you could make 'em hard and make 'em cum all over the eager faces of the public. They revised history and expected everyone to fall in line in complete ignorance of the facts. Dick Cheney could have been caught on video eating the still-beating heart of an Iraqi child that he just raped with a gas pump nozzle, and they'd be able to make a majority believe that Cheney was a victim of the liberal media and that to bring up Dick Cheney's child-raping, heart-eating ways is "beyond the pale." Christ, how the yahoos in Kentucky would lap that shit up. It confirms what they want to believe, that somehow they are cozy-buddies with those in power, when really, Bush and the Bushettes are laughing at them, toasting with single malt scotch that they tricked the savages once again by appealing to their savage nature with the Iraq war. Yeah, man, bleed the Iraqis, set them against each other, shoot 'em all down. They're the savages, not us, motherfuckers, not us. We'll keep bringin' them the good graces of America, and, goddamnit, those fuckers'll accept it or we'll slaughter 'em in the name of bringing civilization to the savages, when really, in the end, we are blinded to anything but the crude reduction of power to the kick of an assault weapon in our hands, the acrid smell of burnt gun powder, and the sweet, subhuman screams of the savages we kill. And in the background, the bleating of the prone media, getting fucked over and over, and screeching to be fucked again, cheering on the killing 'cause that's what motherfucking America has come down to: kill or be killed. If yer not doin' the killin', then yer just waitin' to die. In God We Trust.

Fuck it. The Rude Pundit is disgusted. No insight today. That'll come later. Let's wallow for a day or two. Let's give the final words of anger to John Dos Passos who, in 1937 in The Big Money, wrote, "America our nation has been beaten by strangers who have turned our language inside out who have taken the clean words our fathers spoke and made them slimy and foul

posted by matteo at 8:15 AM on November 9, 2004


I'm with you, bshort, for what it's worth, quite literally.
posted by adamgreenfield at 8:19 AM on November 9, 2004


Hey, it made me laugh. You just have to take it with a whole container of Morton's salt.
posted by Devils Slide at 8:19 AM on November 9, 2004


he certainly has hypocritical, God-boggled Southern wingnuts figured out.

He sure does. But it's not called "Fuck the hypocritical God-boggled Southern wingnuts," is it? It's called "Fuck the South." That's the problem.
posted by mikrophon at 8:22 AM on November 9, 2004


*drops pants, too much constipation, aborts, leaves*
posted by mr.marx at 8:25 AM on November 9, 2004


Fuck yeah!
posted by magullo at 8:42 AM on November 9, 2004


jonmc,

"the world is not controlled by out-of-work truckers in Tennessee. Hell, they're just as screwed as the rest of us (and many of them by voting for Bush, are aiding and abetting in their own screwing, I'll admit). By beating the drum on this topic, we're actually digging the hole deeper."

The right has struck a bargain with fucking bigoted morons: They will vote against their own interests if the right promises to make gays, black, the liberal intelligentsia unhappy in return. Apparently making gay people unhappy is a parmount virtue. Why? I don't know. They are stupid, crazy people maybe?

And, unfortunately, in a democracy you can't blame some elite simply because elites can't vote themselves in.

mikrophon,

"... it's not called "Fuck the hypocritical God-boggled Southern wingnuts," is it? It's called "Fuck the South." That's the problem."

And it's a blip on the polemical radar.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled 24/7 "NorthEast Liberal" bashing courtesy of Sinclair, ClearChannel, and Rupert Murdoch's media holdings with additional support from Concerned Women for America, the Christian Coalition, the 700 Club, the Wall Street Journal editorial board, the National Review, 8 of 10 print and broadcast media pundits and Jesus himself.
posted by Reverend Mykeru at 8:44 AM on November 9, 2004


The "it's your money" thing didn't start in the South, it started with folks like Ronald Reagan, who hailed from California via Illinois. It's now popular in the South, in part, for reasons tied to race.

Need I point out that the South is more integrated than the North?
posted by oaf at 8:45 AM on November 9, 2004


"Fuck the hypocritical God-boggled Southern wingnuts," is it? It's called "Fuck the South." That's the problem.

Indeed it is.

If this was "fuck the [insert name here]" people would be disgusted and the thread would be gone (if matt had seen it).

Instead, we get a lot of "he's got some good points, but I don't agree with the anger", along with people who can't get enough of it.

And if you take it as strictly humor, well, it's just not funny or well written. It's a hundred cliches thrown together.
posted by justgary at 8:47 AM on November 9, 2004


And it's a blip on the polemical radar.

And every one of those blips and the cheering behind them gives more ammunition for the people you just mentioned to say "See, those know-it-all yankee bastards really do hate you.."

But to be honest, I don't think you actually care much about getting the policies you claim to believe in enacted. Or at the very least, your revulsion at the bubba's of the world overrides it. Quite frankly, you've made bubba your personal nigger.
posted by jonmc at 8:49 AM on November 9, 2004


matteo: I was about to say, this is written in Rude Pundit-style. Makes me wonder if he's responsible.
posted by fungible at 8:56 AM on November 9, 2004


It seems people slanted to the right -- of course, you're an independent, aren't you? Sure

By the way, this is cute. If that's your way of accusing me of being some kind of right-wing emissary, all I'd have to say is that a real right-winger would have you shitting turnips in your adult underoos. But don't let that interrupt your fantasy of yourself in a superhero costume fighting off the monsters under your bed. Just be sure to come home before the streetlights come on.
posted by jonmc at 8:59 AM on November 9, 2004


What I find delightful about all the South hating is how Democrats are gutting themselves up to once again refuse to nominate a Southern moderate, making it that much more likely that Republicans will win again in 2008.
posted by MattD at 9:02 AM on November 9, 2004


Quite frankly, you've made bubba your personal nigger.

That's offensive nonsense, jonmc. Truly.

However poorly this particular writer may have framed the issue, he or she is addressing a real, even dominant, thread of belief in this culture, as Reverend Mykeru rightly identifies.

Your use of the word "nigger" in this context is therefore even more offensive that it would ordinarily be. I'm disappointed.
posted by adamgreenfield at 9:03 AM on November 9, 2004


oaf: No, sorry, I've seen the stats on residential segregation, and things are actually pretty complicated there. And while both the South and the North (and the Midwest - but Indiana and Ohio went red) come off pretty badly, the blue states of the West come off really well.

But really, look at the blue areas of the South. I'm from the South, and still live here, but c'mon. Race has shaped an awful lot about the South's politics - and I'm sorry, I don't completely go for the "whites have been more conservative" all along bits. On social issues, yes; on economic ones, no. You'd be a fool not to notice that the Republicans' rise in the South began in the late 1960s (and politicians from outside the region took advantage of that). Religion has overtaken the race issue, but the heritage is still there and subdued racial feeling persists. The black areas are blue and the white areas red despite sharing an evangelical dominance. If race is no issue here, what's up with that?
posted by raysmj at 9:05 AM on November 9, 2004


adamgreenfield - you seem to be saying that when racism was a dominant thread of belief, it was ok?
posted by andrew cooke at 9:10 AM on November 9, 2004


Your use of the word "nigger" in this context is therefore even more offensive that it would ordinarily be. I'm disappointed.

Yeah, it's strong language. But you know the exact point I'm trying to make.

When someone's only response to critiques of his point is: They are stupid, crazy people maybe?, that amounts to taking a mythical other to make your personal scapegoat for the ills of the universe, which plenty of people have done with Black people. Hence my use of the term.

Besides, a while back in this thread the reverend was saying that: The cheapest form of pedantic net asshole is the one who subscribes to the McDonald's theory of discourse, in which no matter what, and wherever you go, and regardless of the topic, all arguments should look and feel the same. And, of course, they should be cleaned up so that your 8 year old kid (when he's not surfing for chicks with dicks) can view it without your getting a blush on.

That goes for everyone. He came in here flaming, especially at me. I don't suffer fools gladly.
posted by jonmc at 9:10 AM on November 9, 2004


Where on earth do you get that, andrew? That's bizarre.
posted by adamgreenfield at 9:11 AM on November 9, 2004


I'm just tired of simplistic thinking. -jonmc

Heads are exploding all over the place at MeFi. That was funnier than the article. Who is really guilty of simplistic thinking here?
posted by nofundy at 9:18 AM on November 9, 2004


We now return you to your regularly scheduled 24/7 "NorthEast Liberal" bashing

Two wrongs do, in fact, make a right.
posted by mikrophon at 9:21 AM on November 9, 2004


Heads are exploding all over the place at MeFi. That was funnier than the article. Who is really guilty of simplistic thinking here?

Excuse me?

I'm the one saying that the rifts in this country are far more complicated than the urban vs. rural, north vs. south bromides people keep spewing but I'm the one who's being simplistic. That makes loads of sense, genius. Try not to let your personal hatreds for your mind so much.
posted by jonmc at 9:21 AM on November 9, 2004


jonmc

"And every one of those blips and the cheering behind them gives more ammunition for the people you just mentioned to say "See, those know-it-all yankee bastards really do hate you.."

But to be honest, I don't think you actually care much about getting the policies you claim to believe in enacted. Or at the very least, your revulsion at the bubba's of the world overrides it. Quite frankly, you've made bubba your personal nigger."

You are quite right: I don't care about couching anger in terms palatable to the cause of it. I don't care about "understanding" the red state ethos any more than understanding the consequences of their actions. I don't feel the need to "reach out" either.

That's mainly because I simply didn't understand that the first step in realpolitick was kissing the asses of your political enemies. Although, I suspect that ass smooching only works one way.

I learn something new each day.

What I would like to do (just daydreaming here) is to cut off those red state freeloaders and make them pay for their own stupidity.

"That goes for everyone. He came in here flaming, especially at me. I don't suffer fools gladly."

Ah, you must be covering up for self-loathing then.




posted by Reverend Mykeru at 9:23 AM on November 9, 2004


Oh yeah and:

"Quite frankly, you've made bubba your personal nigger."

I'll let that remark stand without comment. Too easy.
posted by Reverend Mykeru at 9:25 AM on November 9, 2004


As a New England refugee living in Texas, let me just say that I found it funny, and the point about where the money comes from and where it goes is an important issue seldom brought up. The sunbelt has been bleeding the North East for decades. When's the last time you visited a national park in New England?
posted by ahimsakid at 9:26 AM on November 9, 2004


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