9 year old boy wants to
March 11, 2006 2:46 PM   Subscribe

9 year old boy wants to "print" the internet. Using a computer at a young age does not apparently make you smart. Makes me wonder sometimes why people even consider such things for a bet. Good luck kid...
posted by synkro (83 comments total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: self-link, banned



 
Uh..makes you wonder.
posted by synkro at 2:48 PM on March 11, 2006


This kid could win by printing one page.
posted by quadog at 2:49 PM on March 11, 2006


I wonder if he'll print out Metafilter??
posted by matty at 2:53 PM on March 11, 2006


ug what a paper waste..
even some sites would have enough pages
to keep him busy 6 months printing..
posted by zenzizi at 2:54 PM on March 11, 2006


Not that I've RTFA'd the whole article or anything, but here's my hope that they plan on recycling all that wasted paper.
posted by thanotopsis at 2:57 PM on March 11, 2006


"I know there’s some nasty filth on the Internet that a good Christian family like the Darnells don’t want to see so we got us some clever software that stops it getting into our humble home."

I hope this is just a ridiculous hoax.
posted by mokujin at 2:57 PM on March 11, 2006


This would be really sweet if it ended with the kid seeing goatse.
posted by rxrfrx at 3:00 PM on March 11, 2006


Oh my god. I can't believe they've turned it into a "heartwarming" display of cooperation. Why the hell can't people cooperate over important stuff anymore?

Three hundred years from now, when our culture of waste finally catches up with us, things like this story will be printed in textbooks as examples of how good things once were, and how stupid we all were when we had such plenty.
posted by JHarris at 3:01 PM on March 11, 2006


Well... according to Google, the town of Springwood, North Dakota doesn't exist. And the computer store mentioned has no website. Not to mention, the author's name is "Chica Loca."
posted by ruby.aftermath at 3:03 PM on March 11, 2006


Hoax. Alternatively, moron.
posted by Falconetti at 3:05 PM on March 11, 2006


I hope he's printing on both sides to save paper. And the collating's going to be a bitch.
posted by tiny purple fishes at 3:11 PM on March 11, 2006


The site is obviously fake news and the poster, synkro, also posted cool.com.au 3 times to digg... and just joined a week ago and made five posts....
posted by neustile at 3:12 PM on March 11, 2006


Googling "big frank's" and "computers" yields this fascinating hit. (Shudder.)
posted by Ricky_gr10 at 3:13 PM on March 11, 2006


He's going to need some more cartridges.
posted by dougunderscorenelso at 3:16 PM on March 11, 2006


"This is like, totally, the coolest thing ever. I'm gonna show Mikey that he’s wrong."

I wonder if he realizes he's now the living, breathing punchline to a Dilbert joke.

A+ for effort, F- for thinking it through.

This seriously irks me. Like we need to waste more paper and trees on crap like this.

Last count I heard from Google was that Google was indexing 8,168,684,336 pages. Yahoo recently claimed to be indexing approximately 19,200,000,000 pages, but Google claims Yahoo is inflating their page count by including repeats and duplicates.

And search engines don't index everything. So even if you were able to print every single page listed in every single search engine and index, you still wouldn't have a hardcopy of all of the internet.

To win the bet all you'd have to do is show any un-indexed page. Which even could be created and posted after the printing was "done". Because, of course, the internet never stops growing.

So, lets say 10 billion web "pages", few of which would fit on a single-sided sheet of page, even if you were printing all of the sheets with scaled-down minipages 4 or 6 up on a sheet. Let's just say an average of 5 sheets of plain 8.5x11 copier paper per web "page". A 500 count ream of paper is approximately 2.5" thick. Which would result in a stack of paper approximately 20,833,333 feet tall, or approximately 3,956 miles tall.

Or approximately 13,527,199 cubic feet.

That's a lot of forest, a lot of paper, and a lot of storage space for a huge mountain of unsearchable, un-indexed paper.

People are fucking dumb.

There's a reason why we're storing this huge glut of information on computers connected to each other via the internet. There's a reason why universities, libraries, corporations, governments and other institutions struggled for years trying to find better ways to manage information.
posted by loquacious at 3:18 PM on March 11, 2006


Judging from the other articles on this site, this is a complete hoax. I think we should suspend all further outpouring of vitriol, lest we become like the foreign nations that take The Onion seriously.
posted by CRM114 at 3:23 PM on March 11, 2006


I'm not entirely sure it's a hoax, either. I saw this on a number of more reputable news sites a couple of weeks ago. Doesn't mean it's true, but it's not just on that cool.com.au site.

(Also, my calculations are purely back of the soggy envelope. The actual cubic footage for your hardcopy of the internet may vary depending on font size, greasemonkey scripts, paper weight, toner deposit density as well as which good Christian filthblocker you use in your humble home.)
posted by loquacious at 3:25 PM on March 11, 2006


are the parents dumb enough to think this is possible?
posted by tiamat at 3:25 PM on March 11, 2006


Could God make an internet so big he couldn't print it all?
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 3:27 PM on March 11, 2006


I saw this on a number of more reputable news sites a couple of weeks ago. Doesn't mean it's true, but it's not just on that cool.com.au site.

Please find them for us! I can't find any mention of any of the names in the article actually existing or in any other news reports. I did find the article posted to digg by synkro. The only other sites that link to cool.com.au are some crappy SEO spam hut financial thing. I say self-link, hoax.
posted by neustile at 3:29 PM on March 11, 2006


Where were you when they built the ladder to heaven? Did it make you feel like cryin' or did you think it was kinda gay?
posted by GooseOnTheLoose at 3:30 PM on March 11, 2006


Dwight explained, "I know there’s some nasty filth on the Internet that a good Christian family like the Darnells don’t want to see so we got us some clever software that stops it getting into our humble home."

This is obviously a cheap publicity ploy on the part of whatever company makes that software.
posted by Caviar at 3:38 PM on March 11, 2006


if this is not a hoax, it is beyond absurd.
even if it were somehow possible, good luck not breaking any laws while doing it.

also, all web sites != the internet.
posted by juv3nal at 3:42 PM on March 11, 2006


Either it's fake, or his cousin works for Big Paper.
posted by graventy at 3:42 PM on March 11, 2006


I'm pretty sure it's All The News That's Fit to Fabricate.
posted by substrate at 3:44 PM on March 11, 2006


stupid. fake. etc.
posted by delmoi at 3:47 PM on March 11, 2006


It's a self-link.
There's a VCard on the contact page that has an email address @synkro.com
posted by yeoz at 3:51 PM on March 11, 2006


Hoax -- as has been pointed out above.

I, too, can't find a Springwood, North Dakota. The United States Postal Service indicates no such place exists.

Google News returns "0" articles for the kids name "Cody Darnell."

And, as CRM114 mentions, check out the other articles at http://www.cool.com.au/.
posted by ericb at 3:51 PM on March 11, 2006


It's a self-link.
There's a VCard on the contact page that has an email address @synkro.com
.

Good detective work! It is a self-link. Patrick Synkro -- you've been found out.
posted by ericb at 3:53 PM on March 11, 2006


I realize this likely a scam. But I was wondering just how hard this would be, so I did some checking.

I searched on the word 'the', to get a very rough approximation of how many pages Google has indexed. This isn't the the whole internet by any means, just a subset, but it may be within an order of magnitude.

"The" returns just over 23 billion pages. (American billions, not English billions... 23 thousand million.)

If we make some assumptions:

A) Each page in google is equivalent to one normal printed page (completely bogus, but I have no idea what an average webpage length would be)
B) Cody is using 20lb paper;
C) Per the article, Cody is using an 8-up setting in his printer driver, which lets him print 8 pages on one normal sheet;
D) He's using duplex, so he can get 16 pages per sheet;
E) He's using a couple of fast laser printers that will let him print 100 (physical) pages per minute.

23 billion divided by 16 is 1,437,500,000. So he has to print almost a billion and a half pages.

At 100 pages per minute, this will take 14,375,000 minutes. If we assume Cody prints 24x7x365, and is able to maintain his 100 pages per minute for the entire time, he can finish in just 27.33 years.

At 500 sheets per ream, Cody will consume 2,875,000 reams of paper, assuming he wastes none whatsoever. Each ream weighs 5 pounds, so he will have to move 2,764.42 tons of paper.

A ream of paper is about 2 inches thick, so each ream is 187 cubic inches. 2,875,000 reams would make 537,625,000 cubic inches, or 11,523.16 cubic yards.

A football field is 100 yards long by 160 feet wide, or 5333 square yards. So if Cody has a spare pitch to store his paper, he'll have to stack it, goal line to goal line, almost exactly 6.5 feet tall.... and that's if he gets it as well-compressed as the paper machines do, coming from the factory.

When printing in that kind of volume, we can assume Cody's cost per page is probably about a cent, or $28,750 in supplies.

I've seen easier ways to earn fifty bucks.
posted by Malor at 3:53 PM on March 11, 2006


Next on cool.au -- MeFites eat tall-story "hook, line and sinker."
posted by ericb at 3:55 PM on March 11, 2006


Malor wins - flag and move on, people!
posted by triv at 3:57 PM on March 11, 2006


Well if we ever did print up every page on the Internet, we could put the information in categorized bindings or scrolls of some sort.

Then we could set up this catalogue system, and build a building say in Alexandra, Egypt to store it. Might I also humbly suggest a great sprinkler system. What fun, we could all go there, borrow the bound thingys and read.

Or, to save paper, we could store all this information in some sort of digital devise and invent a network of some kind to access this information and read it at home. Imagine.

Well perhaps the best thing to come from this thread was, thanks to Ricky, meeting Big Frank, a life support system for his penis.
posted by BillyElmore at 3:58 PM on March 11, 2006


will someone post a meta-thread about this being a self link?
posted by delmoi at 4:01 PM on March 11, 2006


And that is how you answer one of those lateral thinking questions at interviews.
posted by Falconetti at 4:05 PM on March 11, 2006


"It's a self-link. There's a VCard on the contact page that has an email address @synkro.com."

I'm sure it's just synkronicity.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:06 PM on March 11, 2006


I'll bet $50 that synkro just lost $5.
posted by furtive at 4:08 PM on March 11, 2006




Hi folks,
well I read the T&C and seems I shouldn't have posted a self link. But no I didn't write the article, which is obviously a fake. And no it is not some scam or anything.

What it is is actually an expirement on how people believe stuff on the internet, regardless of validity. There will a follow up article which will show some of the results. You'd be surpised at the reaction. For the record MetaFilter users were the smartest, good detective work for those above.

Obviously I won't link to the article as I'm probably on the boat to ban-land now (whoops), but there is some funny stuff. cheers.
posted by synkro at 4:14 PM on March 11, 2006


I know there's some nasty filth on the Internet that a good Christian family like the Darnells don't want to see so we got us some clever software that stops it getting into our humble home.

Yeah, um, right about here is where my bullshit alarm went off. Someone actually read further and believed it?
posted by WCityMike at 4:15 PM on March 11, 2006


HARO, HARO, HARO!
posted by ColdChef at 4:18 PM on March 11, 2006


Is an expirement the same as an experiment? Are we all going to die now because of synkro's expirement?
posted by mokujin at 4:19 PM on March 11, 2006


train wreck. here it comes...
posted by triv at 4:19 PM on March 11, 2006


I guess in this case it is both mokujin :)
posted by synkro at 4:20 PM on March 11, 2006


Is an expirement the same as an experiment?

Don't forget -- It's all about SCIENCE.
posted by ericb at 4:20 PM on March 11, 2006


OK, synkro, then what's up with www.publicoffering.com.au? Same domain reg info and it links to your cool.com.au site. Seems to be a content-less spam hut.
posted by neustile at 4:22 PM on March 11, 2006


Sorry.. I shouldn't say "contentless"- there is text, it's just ripped wholesale from other sites.
posted by neustile at 4:23 PM on March 11, 2006


Yeah that is an old site, built for a client. The link is just to add link popularity. Nothing to do with the above "print internet article". As I said, there will be a follow up with some of the stuff Chica Loca collected via email. The story actually managed to spread to some very unusual places, and generally, the consensus was that it was a real article, especially on forums.
posted by synkro at 4:29 PM on March 11, 2006


Hmm, seems like google adwords has created a cottage industry of people randomly ripping off content from other sites.

Weak.
posted by delmoi at 4:29 PM on March 11, 2006


The United States Postal Service indicates no such place exists.

For what it's worth, the USPS also doesn't know about Arkanaw, WV. But I've been there, so I'm reasonably certain it exists. (It's not on any map but the local ones, from what I understand. They don't have their own zip code, there's one road, one church, and about 300 people.)
posted by CrayDrygu at 4:31 PM on March 11, 2006


Despite synkro's protestations to the contrary, I still think I smell a scammer.
posted by Malor at 4:31 PM on March 11, 2006


er... Arkansaw, WV. It's near Moorefield.
posted by CrayDrygu at 4:31 PM on March 11, 2006


metatalk.
posted by triv at 4:33 PM on March 11, 2006



UNDER DESTRUCTION
posted by furtive at 4:33 PM on March 11, 2006


It's this quote that tipped me off to the hoaxiness of it:

""You have got to be joking. Some dumb kid is wasting all that paper to win a stupid $50 bet.""


From the "President" of an environmental organization. Don't get me wrong, it's a dumb thing to do, but something tells me that that's not something a president of ANY organization would say...
posted by symbioid at 4:37 PM on March 11, 2006


Even Moorefield, WV smells better than this post.
posted by Wolfdog at 4:39 PM on March 11, 2006


Um, ok, as I said it's not a scam, just a good old hoax. And the writer deliberatley filled the story with tell-tale indications, but many people don't really bother to check. As someone pointed out above, there is no such town, nor store, nor person etc etc. (except MetaFilter people it seems - the only comment about the location has come from here). And yes people from around the internet have gone to great lengths to calculate the number of pages etc. Anyways time for lunch here, but there will be a follow up.
posted by synkro at 4:40 PM on March 11, 2006


Don't make us part of your fucking mind game, man. Freedom!
posted by ColdChef at 4:42 PM on March 11, 2006


ColdChef, you have to recite the Lord's Prayer or summink too.
posted by mwhybark at 4:43 PM on March 11, 2006


Yeah - it's obviously fake. The real teller for me were the little snippets of kidspeak at the end: "This is like, totally, the coolest thing ever." Fakez0r.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 4:44 PM on March 11, 2006


People! It is not a self-link, it is just a trick played on everyone! Haha! Good show old boy.
posted by Falconetti at 4:46 PM on March 11, 2006


It's the internet, isn't everything a mind game? It's more about independent thought, i.e if it's on the "internet" it must be "true". Same thing with TV etc. Having said that, the geekier the site (generally), the quicker it got detected. If anyone wants to flame me on MSN: synkro@synkro.com. Or if you have some insights that would be cool too (no pun intended).
posted by synkro at 4:48 PM on March 11, 2006


Here's an insight: crap on you. Who's with me?!
posted by ColdChef at 4:59 PM on March 11, 2006


the consensus was that it was a real article, especially on forums.

People are stupid and gullible, especially on forums.

I know ColdChef has already said it, but I must repeat it:

HARO, HARO, HARO!
posted by languagehat at 5:00 PM on March 11, 2006


synkro, your revelation that it was actually a hoax, a joke you're playing on people, taking advantage of Metafilter's free-post policy in order to have your little test, actually makes me feel worse about you than the original post did. I don't care if you think we're smarter than other people for figuring it out or not, to hell with you, sir.
posted by JHarris at 5:01 PM on March 11, 2006


but there will be a follow up

I can hardly wait
posted by Emperor Yamamoto's Eggs at 5:02 PM on March 11, 2006


Yeah, you can follow up. You can follow UP MY ASS!
posted by ColdChef at 5:05 PM on March 11, 2006


Hey, I thought I had that privilege.
posted by OmieWise at 5:09 PM on March 11, 2006


What it is is actually an expirement on how people believe stuff on the internet,

i think the only "expirement" is going to be done by your account here
posted by pyramid termite at 5:11 PM on March 11, 2006


I am sad. I only volunteer to be the subject of someones experiment if it involved titties and beer.
posted by substrate at 5:26 PM on March 11, 2006


Also, I demand a personal editor.
posted by substrate at 5:27 PM on March 11, 2006


yes, there'd be no better way to expire than by titties and beer
posted by pyramid termite at 5:27 PM on March 11, 2006


WHY

IS

THIS

STILL

HERE?

I demand restitution! Who's in charge here?
posted by ColdChef at 5:32 PM on March 11, 2006


You know, rather than creating fake webpages and pissing people off, you could, you know, do some research on information literacy.

But I guess that would be less fun.
posted by Hildegarde at 5:32 PM on March 11, 2006


well I read the T&C

You really expect us to believe you didn't know self-linking was wrong here when you when you posted your little experiment? YWhatever. You just didn't give a fuck. Get lost.
posted by mediareport at 5:33 PM on March 11, 2006


Too bad it's a hoax. 10 years from now when North Vietnamerica's web filters allow only MiniTrue-approved content through, those pages would be a (somewhat dysfunctional) Emmanuel Goldstein tract.
posted by CynicalKnight at 5:35 PM on March 11, 2006


All hail North Vietnamerica!
posted by ColdChef at 5:39 PM on March 11, 2006


I'm telling the Human Subjects Review Board! You're getting an academic time out, d00d!
posted by stet at 5:44 PM on March 11, 2006


This version is funnier. (Credit where credit is due, dammit!)
posted by Hildegarde at 5:49 PM on March 11, 2006


What it is is actually an expirement on how people believe stuff on the internet, regardless of validity.

Then it doesn't belong on MeFi.
posted by mrbill at 5:51 PM on March 11, 2006


Seriously, I'm so angry right now that the veins in my neck are throbbing and there's a little blood coming out of each of my ears! Why can't someone do something about this?

My tongue is swelling and I'm having trouble breathing!
posted by ColdChef at 5:55 PM on March 11, 2006



posted by dersins at 5:56 PM on March 11, 2006 [1 favorite]


The scammers responsible for this are Patrick Jennings, Paul Clancy, Hugh Tsang, Joan Cunningham, of radiate.com.au.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 6:24 PM on March 11, 2006


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