Jesus gets his own Theme Park
January 22, 2001 5:48 PM   Subscribe

Jesus gets his own Theme Park This strikes me as bit too odd to appeal to many, but maybe I just don't appreciate the idea of laser shows combined with Hebrew prayers or chomping a hot dog at the site of crucifixion.
posted by tdstone (18 comments total)
oh ye of little faith! I hope they count their take at the end of the day better than Floridians are able to count their ballots at election time.
posted by Postroad at 6:16 PM on January 22, 2001

that's really odd

I would think a Roman-era based theme park would be an interesting idea - Colliseums (battle re-enactments, stunt shows, etc etc), theatres, etc. But mixing in the religious aspect of it just makes it surreal.

posted by mkn at 6:24 PM on January 22, 2001

But it surely would appeal to the Heritage USA set, wouldn't it? But, given that it's run by "Hebrew Christians", are we talking Kosher concessions?
posted by petra at 6:41 PM on January 22, 2001

So that's where all those missing antiquities wound up!

posted by lagado at 7:12 PM on January 22, 2001

It's been done. This is so what I'm talking about.

posted by norm at 7:15 PM on January 22, 2001

mkn, maybe you should go see some vc's as a roman based theme park does sound interesting.
posted by Zool at 8:44 PM on January 22, 2001

I would love to go, as an atheist, I'd find it hilarious.

I hope they get a tilt-a-whirl with little crucifixes for everyone riding it. Or a log ride called "Noah's wild adventures" that ends with a petting zoo inhabited by two of every common animal.

There are just so many comic opportunities when you combine biblical history and amusement park hijinks.
posted by mathowie at 9:07 PM on January 22, 2001

Hire the engineers who did the "Earthquake" for Universal to build a "Samson's Temple", complete with animatronic Samson pushing the pillars apart.

Get the guys who built the "Matterhorn" to do a Mt. Sinai roller coaster, complete with scene of Moses cowering as the 10 commandments are written.

Instead of the "20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea" ride, you do a "Jonah inside the whale" ride. (Modified version of "Star Tours", with animatronic Jonah instead of a stupid robot.)

The "Lazarus" ride -- but that one would take a looong time.

In a museum, a statue of a woman looking frightened, sculpted out of rock salt. Next to that a recreation of the Ark, and in the next position a reconstructed grail.

A live show: Daniel in the lion's den. (Real trained lions and a lion tamer in costume.)

...A shooting gallery where the targets are Caananites?
(I'm done now.)
posted by Steven Den Beste at 10:44 PM on January 22, 2001

Quote from the article:
"The 20-minute show, combining lasers and pyrotechnics"

I'd go to church if they had lasers.
posted by DragonBoy at 11:34 PM on January 22, 2001

Where's the "cast the first stone" game?
posted by harmful at 6:23 AM on January 23, 2001

The '5 Loaves & 2 Fishes' Concession stand and the 'Caana' bar where you buy a glass of water and by the time you get it, it's turned into wine.
posted by Markb at 6:41 AM on January 23, 2001

I don't know how the rides are going to be but I hope the concession stands have those tasty crackers.

How many E tickets for the Father Porter ride?

posted by bondcliff at 6:50 AM on January 23, 2001

I would love to go, as an atheist, I'd find it hilarious
As a christian, I'd find it hilarious. Time for some "Fear and Loathing in Jesus-Land!"
There's a book, I forget the name, where God dies and falls out of the sky, lands in the ocean. They build an amusement park on him.

posted by sonofsamiam at 8:37 AM on January 23, 2001

"Towing Jehovah"
posted by rodii at 9:12 AM on January 23, 2001

My wife is on the board of a Jewish synagouge. This group belongs to an inter-faith organization. Recently the issue cam eup that a Jews for Jesus group wanted to join with the inter-faith group as a Jewish organization. Though not yet voted upon or resolvedk the feeling seems to be that if you are a Jew you do not accept Jesus Christ as your messiah; if you do, you are not Jewish. Thus, most board memebers object not to the group joing but to their claiming to be Jewish.
I love the Orlandao idea, however. Now kids and senile elders can choose between Disney world or this re3ligious theme park.
posted by Postroad at 9:20 AM on January 23, 2001

Damn! The park's opening on the day I leave Florida from my vacation. I'd have gone just to see.
posted by cCranium at 9:31 AM on January 23, 2001

Where's the "cast the first stone" game?

On Todd Rundgren's CD The Individualist, actually. The "enhanced" portion of the CD has a Doom-style 3D game where you throw rocks at televangelists to go with the song "Cast The First Stone."
posted by kindall at 11:48 AM on January 23, 2001

"You must be THIS Holy to board this attraction"
posted by Optamystic at 6:54 AM on January 24, 2001

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