dinettes, we got it
February 13, 2007 8:49 PM   Subscribe

 
OKay, to be honest this was just an excuse to post the awesome flea market commercial.. i added on the others so it wouldnt just be a one link youtube thing
posted by petsounds at 8:50 PM on February 13, 2007


LOL that's the only reason I cam in baby. If it were nearby, I'd be going!
posted by autodidact at 8:59 PM on February 13, 2007


that weatherman is pathetic ... but, again, he's from ohio ...
posted by pyramid termite at 8:59 PM on February 13, 2007


I was going to post that too, and I'm not a big fan of single link YouTube posts without a good reason, and that commercial is more than enough reason, and could stand on its own.

I have to protest, though, because I was going to post it as one of the greatest things I've ever seen on the internet, and it gets my vote as Best Commercial Ever, for a lot of reasons. Seriously, that guy is ridiculously awesome.
posted by wander at 9:03 PM on February 13, 2007


Best of the web?
posted by phrontist at 9:03 PM on February 13, 2007


In the sidebar next to the flea market commercial I found this barbie ad where Barbie feeds her dog his own, um, biscuits.
posted by fleetmouse at 9:04 PM on February 13, 2007


I don't think that's really a bad commercial. The target customer of a store called "flea market" is obviously people interested in cheap merchandise. That commercial made the store look like a place that doesn't mark up prices enough to afford professional commercials. And it was also annoyingly repetitive, so people will remember it. I'd say the commercial does exactly what it was intended to do. We just don't happen to be the intended audience.
posted by scottreynen at 9:05 PM on February 13, 2007


Hey, what's with the Lovecraft bashing?
posted by zerolives at 9:06 PM on February 13, 2007


"Worst WOMAN Driver"?
You're gonna get letters...
posted by Dizzy at 9:06 PM on February 13, 2007


Best of the WebWorst!
posted by wendell at 9:08 PM on February 13, 2007


The commercial was great! Completely unselfconscious and sincere. Were I in Montgomery, I'd definitely visit the market and do the dance.

Lets be nice to the weather and sports guys - it's obvious that they're students in a college TV Production or journalism class.
posted by aladfar at 9:08 PM on February 13, 2007


No music video can contend with the pink-satined majesty that is Billy Squier's Rock Me Tonight.
posted by scody at 9:10 PM on February 13, 2007


wander, seriously. icouldnt stop looking, and it kept going on and on, and i kept thinking am i high or this real, and now i cant stop thinking about mini malls
posted by petsounds at 9:10 PM on February 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


that music video is truly, truly awful
posted by pyramid termite at 9:12 PM on February 13, 2007


What is up with people calling incredibly memorable commercials "bad"? The Montgomery fleemarket ad was, as an advertisement, fantastic. Probably moreso today then when it was filmed.

It's like the people who say the "head on" ad was bad. It was probably one of the most memorable advertisements ever made.

It's like people don't understand what advertising is supposed to do.
posted by delmoi at 9:14 PM on February 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


I've seen the "Worst Video" one on other websites, but I'm still not sick of it, and I think I eventually brainwashed myself into actually liking the song. At some point I decided to research the singers...turns out that Danny was a phenomenal success in Finland, but Armi died at a young age from drinking. Very sad.
posted by lalex at 9:15 PM on February 13, 2007


Somebody oughta Heimlich that Billy Squier.
posted by Dizzy at 9:15 PM on February 13, 2007


so, i saw this dude on ellen a few weeks ago. this wasn't the original commercial he did. i believe this is the "remix" he was talking about. hence, its two minutes long. the original was very similar and just as totally insane and great.

and the dude seemed like a really nice, fun guy in his little segment with ellen.
posted by teishu at 9:16 PM on February 13, 2007


Re the commercial: breaking out in spontaneous rapping. That's what comes natural to you americans, doesn't it?
I'm looking forward to visiting the US; all the people rapping to each other. Great.
posted by jouke at 9:17 PM on February 13, 2007


OKay, to be honest this was just an excuse to post the awesome flea market commercial.. i added on the others so it wouldnt just be a one link youtube thing

I know you came over for cake, but here's an old pizza, some sauerkraut, a half-eaten knish and a bowl of grapenuts so it wouldn't just be a dessert thing.
posted by kosem at 9:19 PM on February 13, 2007


yum
posted by petsounds at 9:21 PM on February 13, 2007


(I like the commercial...and the sportscaster, btw! Just not a fan of the zomgonelinkpostgotohell haters and their apparent victory.)
posted by kosem at 9:21 PM on February 13, 2007


... and BOOM goes the dynamite!
posted by tew at 9:23 PM on February 13, 2007


I'm offended by you, European Juoke dude
We don't talk in rhy-ames all the timin' muh dood
Most of our communications come in single word-sese
Like excuseyou and boundriesMa'm and Pleezcurbyourpekinese

An' dont ferget My home owners association
Will poke a gapin' hole in yo' sense of entitle-ation.
Yo!

(The revolution really can't come soon enough.)
posted by maryh at 9:29 PM on February 13, 2007


Metafilter: how can I be sure you're not pretender?
posted by telstar at 9:32 PM on February 13, 2007


This is my favorite good/bad ad. It's got singin' and dancin' and booze. What more could you want?

Also, did anyone else think the weather guy was going to puke on his script when he first started?
posted by schmedeman at 9:37 PM on February 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


Wonderful Maryh. (really) Very colourful.
Where can I buy a souvenir?
posted by jouke at 9:40 PM on February 13, 2007


"Worst WOMAN Driver"?
You're gonna get letters...


"Worst FEMALE Driver" is better?

I keed, I keed.
posted by YoBananaBoy at 9:42 PM on February 13, 2007


No music video can contend with the pink-satined majesty that is Billy Squier's Rock Me Tonight.

OMG I hadn't seen that in ages! I think that video was the tipping point that ruined Billy's career.
posted by amyms at 9:48 PM on February 13, 2007


jouke: At worstsuburbanwhiteladyrapper.com. Christ, the stockrooms are groaning with crap. We're givin' it away!
posted by maryh at 9:49 PM on February 13, 2007


Woah, This is bizzare.
posted by delmoi at 9:50 PM on February 13, 2007 [2 favorites]


So happy to see the Armi and Danny video linked on the blue. Same for the rapping commercial - both have given me so much enjoyment. Does that mean my life is a bit empty? I don't know, but what I do know is that I have a coworker who just has to imitate some of those music video's dance moves to have me in tears from the laughter. Telstar's comment had me giggling, too.

Did I just out myself for being someone who, at times, openly laughs at others? I guess so. Does it help that I also laugh at myself?
posted by routergirl at 9:51 PM on February 13, 2007


delmoi--
creeepy.
like they cloned, lipo-ed, and body-sculpted Julia Sweeney's younger brother(s)...
posted by Dizzy at 9:54 PM on February 13, 2007


Thank you, delmoi. You have Vidu-cated me. I am stimulating my thinker.
posted by maryh at 10:02 PM on February 13, 2007


Yeah, what's with the H.P. Lovecraft bashing? Defend your argument.
posted by zardoz at 10:19 PM on February 13, 2007


Thank you Maryh for being so generous with your cultural inheritance. But the rapping doesn't go well with the rhythm of our wooden shoe dancing.

Although that doesn't stop some dutch from rapping.
posted by jouke at 10:19 PM on February 13, 2007


Not bad, but what do you have against Lovecraft? I could go into any supermarket and pick out far far worse books.
posted by lupus_yonderboy at 10:22 PM on February 13, 2007


... and BOOM goes the dynamite!

. . . which left the Pacers one game behind the Chicago . . . in the seventh-series . . . spot . . .

Whatever you do, do not give up on the worst sportscaster before the clip's title is finally made manifest. That dude's comic timing is killer.
posted by gompa at 10:30 PM on February 13, 2007


Metafilter: It's just like. It's just like. A meta. mall.

(Oooh! I've always wanted to do that.)
posted by bugmuncher at 10:33 PM on February 13, 2007


Admittedly a parody, but still pretty bad.

Or really, how all Oklahoma weathermen are.
posted by dw at 10:37 PM on February 13, 2007


That video reminded me of the awesomeness of Finnish disco lessons. They kick it up a notch at 1:55.
posted by jimmythefish at 10:41 PM on February 13, 2007


God bless the 4:4 time.
posted by Faux Real at 10:41 PM on February 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


the worst thing about that 80s video is that some sorry bastard was using the shareware version of total video converter.
posted by bob sarabia at 10:51 PM on February 13, 2007


Me: So, there's this Finnish dance lesson video...

* we watch *

Her: Wow, that's pretty funny.

Me: Yeah. And I recognize the song in it, it's from this German band called Genghis Khan with this other really freaky video...

Her: Wait.

Me: What? I said I recognize the song...

Her: I don't know which makes you the bigger dork. The fact that a) you know where to find a video of a Finnish guy teaching you to "tisko tansing." Or b) you recognize the SONG and are able to CROSS-REFERENCE it to another YouTube video.
posted by frogan at 10:52 PM on February 13, 2007


Worst Commercial Ever?

Seriously, what is wrong with that dude's eyes? It's like they desperately want to leave the commercial... and his head!

And while this may be a truly bad commercial, I'll argue that this one is worse.
posted by Afroblanco at 10:59 PM on February 13, 2007


jouke, this awful suburban rap is for you and the Dutch:

Our curbs are bricky, our water lines are tricky
Our facades appear icky but our engineers are picky
Our streets are paved well, you 'Muricans can go t' hell
Our cityscapes look like they were scrubbed in Dove and 'poo'ed to the endsa hell in Prell
posted by maryh at 11:16 PM on February 13, 2007 [2 favorites]


Yay, local commercials! My favorites are Wet Pets and the KOFY station IDs.

W-E-T P-E-T-S!
W-E-T P-E-T-S!
Wet Pets, San Pablo!
Only one place where fish and lizards
Hang out with pets and chinchillas
Kick back with hamsters and dogs
Parakeets, rabbits and scorpions
One stop, one shop, we got it all
Any pet you can get and take home
Best pet products and best pet food
Best pet service is Wet Pets for you!
W-E-T P-E-T-S!
W-E-T P-E-T-S!
Wet Pets, San Pablo!
posted by fandango_matt at 11:47 PM on February 13, 2007


That music video was excellent! Although I was even more psyched about the metal version.
posted by Greg Nog at 11:58 PM on February 13, 2007 [1 favorite]


I am not one of those "so bad it's good" types, but I've seen my share of tortuous musical furniture advertisements (why oh why must they always be musical) and that one successfully made the transformation all the way to beautiful.

As for "Louis" -- some kind of withdrawal? Because that mofo was fidgeting up a storm. I wish it had been split screen with their main desk camera to get reactions from the two reporters.
posted by dreamsign at 12:37 AM on February 14, 2007


Save more bucks at the Mattress Ranch. Every Alaskan's favorite ad campaign.
posted by premiumpolar at 12:53 AM on February 14, 2007


Worst lipsync ever.

Sure he's bound in that car seat, but the kid misses maybe half of the words to that song.
posted by item at 12:54 AM on February 14, 2007


Just to add to the "worst commercial" category: Nortons Furniture (probably the *creepiest* commercial).
posted by the other side at 2:23 AM on February 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


That music video is crazy good.
posted by Nahum Tate at 2:26 AM on February 14, 2007


That video reminded me of the awesomeness of Finnish disco lessons.

jimmythefish: That is wonderful.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 2:26 AM on February 14, 2007


That "worst burglar" link can't be real. It's got to be something cooked up for one of those Fox shows. I don't believe the small store had 5 video security cameras all set up to catch everything as perfectly as it did.

The singing in the stadium thing was weird... was it a contest? It was obviously designed to be funny by way of making fun of the people who couldn't sing, but I can't figure out why.
posted by smashingstars at 2:42 AM on February 14, 2007


*finally checks "author" link*

Hey!
posted by dreamsign at 2:57 AM on February 14, 2007


When I was a kid I remember an insurance company (UK) taking a national six minute slot during children's Sunday morning TV to explain about their products at appropriate length. I watched most of it as it was the British record length for an ad. That was probably the worst ad I've seen.
posted by biffa at 3:23 AM on February 14, 2007


Mattress Man outtake that'll be familiar to PTA fans.

The worst music video linked is among my faves ever. I think it's been linked 4 times on the blue now. I also love the weatherman clip and have watched it many times over the years. That stadium link was disturbing.
posted by dobbs at 4:41 AM on February 14, 2007


the weatherman and sportscaster clips are unfair because they are so obviously college broadcasting departments. The sportscaster clip looks like every other audition tape from Ball State University in Indiana. Where, I need not remind you David Letterman did these audition tapes before he became a weatherman in the 1970s.
posted by parmanparman at 4:57 AM on February 14, 2007


Worst local commercial I could find. As for for the best—the anti-litter PSA ad filmed at the Byrd Theatre—I couldn't find it online.
posted by emelenjr at 4:57 AM on February 14, 2007


Wow. What a weirdly literal, hypnotic slogan.
posted by RokkitNite at 4:59 AM on February 14, 2007


Norton was way worse than the commercial link in the post.

Although saying "just like a mini mall" is rather faint praise.
posted by GuyZero at 5:21 AM on February 14, 2007


I'm about to walk into the nastiest ice storm I've ever witnessed to go to work, and that commercial has redeemed the entire day for me. I'm going to be singing that song all day.
It's just like,
Its just like,
a Mini... MALL
posted by sswiller at 5:46 AM on February 14, 2007


worst (/ best) cockroach spray commercial.?.
posted by p3t3 at 5:52 AM on February 14, 2007 [2 favorites]


The worst local NE commercials have to be the ones for Bob's discount furniture...but I can't find any online.

"I doubt it!"
posted by gminks at 6:24 AM on February 14, 2007 [2 favorites]


I've got to chime in about the Lovecraft bashing. While you may not like his prose style, I hardly think, with all of the other junk that's out there, that you could reasonably call Lovecraft the worst author ever.
posted by anansi at 6:32 AM on February 14, 2007


Are you Lovecraft fans seriously claiming he was a good writer? Tell me that this, for instance, is a sentence a good writer could conceivably write: "In that shrieking the inmost soul of human fear and agony clawed hopelessly and insanely at the ebony gates of oblivion." You should read Luc Sante's appreciative but clear-sighted review of the new Library of America collection. (As he says, Edmund Wilson, who had the idea for the L of A, would have been astonished at Lovecraft's inclusion in the series.) Sante says, "He marshaled this equipment in the service of a single goal: horror. He was apparently not much interested in anything else. He could summon up considerable book learning when it would serve to buttress a story, but did not waste time on fripperies such as characterization, the business of daily life, or any emotions other than fear." That's a recipe for effective horror writing, but not for anything that anyone who likes writing would consider good writing.
posted by languagehat at 6:43 AM on February 14, 2007


Worst author? Jeebus, read the first page of any Vince Flynn novel. It'll shave ten points off your IQ or your money back.

And now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go to the flea market, it's just like a mini-mall, it's just like a mini-mall.
posted by the sobsister at 6:53 AM on February 14, 2007


The worst local NE commercials have to be the ones for Bob's discount furniture...but I can't find any online.

"I doubt it!"


The Bob's commercials are bad, but "I doubt it" was, originally at least, for Dean's Home Furniture.

For those unfamiliar, "I doubt it" was delivered in an outrageous Boston accent by the completely wooden Dean in public access quality commercials.
posted by MasonDixon at 7:10 AM on February 14, 2007


I dont have anything personal against HP Lovecraft- he came up when I was searching "worst ever", and reading this article it does appear he has advocates on both sides of that worst/best argument
posted by petsounds at 7:19 AM on February 14, 2007


Metafilter: In that shrieking the inmost soul of human fear and agony clawed hopelessly and insanely at the ebony gates of oblivion.


Sorry.
posted by jokeefe at 7:34 AM on February 14, 2007


My vote for the worst author is Hiroyuki Nishigaki , or perhaps it's just the worst book.
posted by kit4kat at 7:58 AM on February 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


I could swear the sports guy mouths "I'm so sorry" at one point.
posted by staggernation at 8:02 AM on February 14, 2007


Nice post.

Really nice.

Why hasn't anyone mentioned the Canadian ice-rink national anthem chick who slips and hits her head?

This is the best of the web and I love it.
posted by squidfartz at 8:19 AM on February 14, 2007


I so want to contribute to this worst commercial thing, but god help me, I can't find any Becky, Queen of Carpets commercials. Her website, though, is still pretty bad.

I still refuse to recognize her violent coup of Wanda, Princess of Tiles.

I agree with scottreynen: the flea market commercial is goofy, but I'd say he hits his target audience well. Also, it looks like a very nice flea market, nicer than I've ever seen.
posted by gc at 8:22 AM on February 14, 2007


I would be very interested to know the context of that stadium singing "contest".
posted by aliasless at 8:27 AM on February 14, 2007


MetaFilter: It's just like, it's just like, a mini, mall.

That song will be in my head all day, and it's begging to be remixed and posted to MetaMusic; add some guitars and crazy drums...we'll see if I can find the time.
posted by davejay at 8:34 AM on February 14, 2007


That "worst ad" is awesome— and effective. Now I know that if I'm looking for a "mini-mall" like place, that I should go to the Flea Market in Montgomery.

I especially liked his shuffle.
posted by drezdn at 8:57 AM on February 14, 2007


Are commercials still bad if they're intentionally bad?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:00 AM on February 14, 2007


There is no way you can call Lovecraft the worst author, not until all the works of Terry Goodkind are banished from the planet.
posted by Ber at 9:09 AM on February 14, 2007


I have no weapon.
posted by odinsdream at 9:34 AM on February 14, 2007


Worst author? Jeebus, read the first page of any Vince Flynn novel.

John Halkin.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:55 AM on February 14, 2007


Best MeFi post ever.
posted by katillathehun at 10:12 AM on February 14, 2007


What is it about mattress and furniture stores with the bad commercials? Are they trying to compete with the car dealers?

In New England, besides Bob's ("come on down!") there's also Bedding Barn, which has had excruciatingly bad commercials for as long as I can remember.
posted by pretzel at 10:42 AM on February 14, 2007


did not waste time on fripperies such as characterization, the business of daily life, or any emotions other than fear

Oh yeah that's Lovecraft alright. But the man's writing is like a really stinky cheese. You either like it for what it is, or you don't. You don't try to make it a staple; it doesn't have those qualities. The idea, on the other hand, that he is the worst writer is ludicrous.

I could swear the sports guy mouths "I'm so sorry" at one point.

Yeah, one of the Youtube commenters points that out. A minute-seventeen, I think it was. I hadn't noticed until I looked for it. In that light, perhaps a last-minute replacement with some serious stage fright?

Oh great. Now that you people have reminded me, the mini mall mantra is competing with Mansell's The Fountain soundtrack for control of my brain. Hemmorhage imminent.
posted by dreamsign at 10:48 AM on February 14, 2007


Winnipeg was infamous for its Kern Hill Furniture Co-Op commercials during the Eighties and early Nineties. (Check out some more of Nick Hill's, uh, "work" under Related. WARNING: flashing texts may induce seizures.)

""This will be the single-most incredible event in the history of the home furnishings industry! C'MOOOOOON DOWN!!"
posted by Quiplash at 11:15 AM on February 14, 2007 [1 favorite]


Kern Hill! Man, it's been years.

And again I have to wonder how many Peggers haunt this place.
posted by dreamsign at 11:28 AM on February 14, 2007


Dude, I feel like I'm at home again. Thanks for that.
posted by dreamsign at 11:28 AM on February 14, 2007


I'm sorry, but that commercial is the opposite of "worst ever".

I would totally shop there. It's just like a mini-mall!
posted by rollbiz at 11:33 AM on February 14, 2007


Also, absolutely the worst attempt at an empty net goal (NHL).
posted by rollbiz at 11:51 AM on February 14, 2007


*slaps forehead*
posted by dreamsign at 12:25 PM on February 14, 2007


That's a recipe for effective horror writing, but not for anything that anyone who likes writing would consider good writing.

While the example you give is an earlier one, and the review you link to notes that fact - there are a couple of factors to consider. One, he wrote to live in a different era, and if that's what the paying magazines wanted, that's what he had to deliver (Howard suffers in much the same way for the modern reader). Two: I know what you mean, in this case, by "good writing", and it's not good writing, it's effete wordsmithery that sits unbought in the literary section of the bookstore and is published under university imprints. Good writing, on the other hand, achieves what it sets out to do - and Lovecraft's legacy suggests that he was a good writer in that most important of respects.

So neener neener.
posted by Sparx at 12:28 PM on February 14, 2007


While I'm on the topic - here's a quote from a review of Houellebecq's overview of Lovecraft's oeuvre (hopefully sufficiently meta for y'all):

Houellebecq apprehends Lovecraft in terms of what he calls Lovecraft's "great texts", that is, the classic stories that caught our interest and corrupted us for life. These "great texts" are not flawed gems. They are not good ideas tainted by bad writing. They are, he suggests, the result of distilled, howling fear and hatred, and they possess power not in spite of those aspects usually perceived as flaws but because of them.

I'm down with that.
posted by Sparx at 12:45 PM on February 14, 2007


the bit between 1:36 and 1:38 might be the funniest thing I have ever seen. Utterly ludicrous in every conceivable way.

"lets bring it all down now, YEAH!"
posted by ClanvidHorse at 3:46 PM on February 14, 2007


er, the first link obviously.
posted by ClanvidHorse at 3:47 PM on February 14, 2007


Easily one of the worst posts, too.
posted by dozo at 3:48 PM on February 14, 2007


"In that shrieking the inmost soul of human fear and agony clawed hopelessly and insanely at the ebony gates of oblivion."
See, I can really relate to that as that's basically what's going on in my head, waking up after a 3-day bender. And them gates sure aren't off-white, I'm tellin' ya.
posted by Zack_Replica at 5:59 PM on February 14, 2007


That video reminded me of the awesomeness of Finnish disco lessons. They kick it up a notch at 1:55.

Boy, them Finno-Ugrics are a funny breed. Yes, sir.
posted by jason's_planet at 7:39 PM on February 14, 2007


Becky the queen of carpets! She even did one spot where she flew around the Arch on a carpet with the Slyman Brothers, I think. 314 represent.
posted by Mid at 8:02 PM on February 14, 2007


delmoi, I love that video.
posted by ontic at 9:16 PM on February 14, 2007


Me: Yeah. And I recognize the song in it, it's from this German band called Genghis Khan with this other really freaky video...

Come on, you can't bring up Moskau and not even link to the video (warning: awesome).

Becky the queen of carpets! She even did one spot where she flew around the Arch on a carpet with the Slyman Brothers, I think. 314 represent.

*sob* You know, I had repressed those memories for a reason.
posted by The Pusher Robot at 9:19 PM on February 14, 2007


After watching every link and reading all of the comments I am forced to come to one rather startling conclusion:

Our parents were simply better dancers than we are.


...now I have to go down to my garage and start my lawnmower. Repeatedly.
posted by django_z at 8:08 PM on February 16, 2007


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